Ian Fidance is a shocker, dude! | Whiskey Ginger #podcast

Added: 2026-05-22

[00:00:00]Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series presented by FanDuel. Hello out there in podcast land. I got a couple of shows that I'm doing left until I maybe take some time off this fall. Who knows?

[00:00:12]And this summer we'll see. I've only got three shows. June 28th, I'm doing two shows in San Diego. June 28th at the Sound in Del Mar. That's North County.

[00:00:20]Come see about me. And then July 24th, I'll be at St. Charles, Missouri, right next to St. Louis there at the Ameristar Casino. It's only a couple of shows.

[00:00:27]Don't know if I'm planning on doing more until 2027. Either way, come out and see me. Andrewsantino.com for those tickets.

[00:00:33]Andrewsantino.com.

[00:00:35]In here we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, [music] Who was that creature in the ginger beer? Sturdy and ginger.

[00:00:44]>> Like that.

[00:00:45]The ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You only pay $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no.

[00:00:53]>> This whiskey is excellent.

[00:00:55]>> [music] >> Ginger.

[00:00:57]I like gingers.

[00:00:59]Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it. Once again today, it's Ian Fidance.

[00:01:07]He just flew in Yes.

[00:01:09]>> to smell A. I said, "Are you here?" He said, "I am. I'm just a little stressed cuz my mom got knee surgery."

[00:01:14]>> Shut up. Shut up.

[00:01:15]>> [laughter] >> Speaking of smell A, Yeah. I was on the flight with uh Henry and Kev, the other guys.

[00:01:24]>> Hart, yeah. And they were sitting next to Seal.

[00:01:30]I'm never going to survive this.

[00:01:31]And speaking of smell A, you heard it here. He kept farting on the plane.

[00:01:37]>> Shut up. Seal farted on the flight?

[00:01:38]>> Yeah, yeah. So funny. When Kev told me that Seal was sitting next to them, so I like snaked my way through all the different sections to get up to Delta One. And I was [laughter] basically sitting on his lap just to look at Seal. And Seal bent over to pick something up, and I saw the crack of his ass. And I was like >> Seal was letting it ride.

[00:01:56]>> to get a a rosebud.

[00:01:59]>> [laughter] >> This is going to be something. Dude, that's crazy.

[00:02:02]>> Yeah. Wait a minute, so the boys were in Delta One class and you weren't?

[00:02:06]>> No. Who do these guys think they are? I mean, I have so many like upgrade, you know, like Delta Medallion Diamond. So, I always gamble on the upgrade. You hope you get it.

[00:02:17]>> Hope I get it and usually it works out and this time it did not.

[00:02:22]>> [laughter] >> And I missed out on Seal. What number are we talking? 30s, 40s, how far back?

[00:02:26]33F.

[00:02:28]F is what? Window?

[00:02:30]>> For frankly you're out of luck.

[00:02:31]>> Frankly, this is one of the worst seats we have.

[00:02:33]>> Frankly, you're going to sit next to a woman whose dog [ __ ] itself. [laughter] Yes. And a crying baby and your bladder is going to go on the fritz and [laughter] you're going to get in trouble for using the Delta One bathroom and they tell you to use the other and you say, well, I'm here now, so I'm going to use it and then you hear them whisper about you and then they don't bring you the Ritz crackers. It is so crazy that there's like bathroom It's the It's a I have to piss. People let people pee wherever they have to pee. It's insane.

[00:03:01]>> like class warfare on planes.

[00:03:05]>> It's what? Dude, the the last >> they treat you when you're not in first class is hilarious.

[00:03:10]>> He legitimately got said, I'm going to be frank with you, this is only for Delta One customers, so you're going to have to go to the back and I said, well, I'm not going to because I'm here right now, but I'll keep that in mind for the next time.

[00:03:21]>> Also, you know that it's all suggestion based. You know this, right? Like they can't legally It's It's just It's just them saying, we're asking you please obey this fake rule.

[00:03:31]>> So, was it Was it a gold [ __ ] in there?

[00:03:33]>> [laughter] >> YOU NEED A GOLD [ __ ] DUDE, the last time I flew to LA, the the uh they spilled a tray of drinks on me and the flight attendant felt so bad, she let me wear her change of clothes and I wore cut-off jean shorts and like uh shawl my entire flight while they dried my clothes.

[00:03:53]>> Do you have a picture of this? That's sexy. I want to see if you can send that to me.

[00:03:56]>> I wore I wore jean shorts and I would not give them back. I was >> How horny were you in those jean shorts?

[00:04:02]>> Honey, these are mine. Give me a blanket. I'm going to make my own jack shack.

[00:04:07]>> I was coming back from Reykjavik, Iceland and I was nodding off and I had like my couple water when >> Yeah. I'm chasing the horse, dude.

[00:04:15]>> Yeah. My couple water was in the like the middle divide between the two seats and my hand was like this next to it and the flight attendant touched me. It's and it woke me up like this and I spilled all over myself. She woke me up to see if I wanted to eat. I was like this and soaking wet. So she was like, "Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm so sorry." I was like, "It's okay. It's okay." I mean it was a literally a full cup of water.

[00:04:36]So I just I had a got I got a blanket and then I pulled my pants down. So I was just sitting naked under a blanket the entire flight.

[00:04:43]>> Naked? No underwear?

[00:04:44]>> No, because it was soaking wet. It soaked all the way through to my underwear. It was a It was a comical cup of water. It was like 16 oz. You're like, "How Why did they even serve this?" It was like this big.

[00:04:53]>> to have you wear her clothes? [laughter] No, yeah.

[00:04:56]Delta, you're the best.

[00:04:57]>> Delta, you're the best. This is the last time I'm flying you.

[00:04:59]>> don't know that. On the flight back from Aussie, completely drenched, uh, with wine because the lady in front when she put her seat back, it spilled immediately and I they gave me pajamas to wear. Really?

[00:05:09]>> On on on the flight back from Australia.

[00:05:11]Qantas.

[00:05:11]>> Qantas, yeah, that's right.

[00:05:13]>> me up. They gave me a bunch of blankets and more wine. That's so nice. You got wine and power.

[00:05:17]>> do the blanket, change of clothes on the Jersey Transit the other night.

[00:05:22]>> [laughter] >> Going to I kicked Uncle Vinnie's because I wore shorts and it got chilly and I had to put my jeans on. You also can't wear shorts on stage.

[00:05:30]I used to. It's illegal. No. You can't do it.

[00:05:33]>> special wearing shorts on stage.

[00:05:34]>> I know. We've talked about it. I can do it. Yeah, because cuz you have tattoos on your legs. [clears throat] >> and it looks like I have expensive pants.

[00:05:42]>> [laughter] >> It's like you're wearing Ed Hardy pants.

[00:05:44]Yeah, Ed Ed Hardy jackets.

[00:05:47]That's me. We'll show you a picture of uh of Ian's back. He came in and showed me his back. He just got his back done.

[00:05:53]Yes.

[00:05:54]>> I hugged him too hard. He said, "Ooh."

[00:05:56]That's okay. I >> said I got I got my back done, I thought something happened. Like something you got hurt. Like surgery. Oh, no. Just emotionally and I'm taking it out with tattoos. When you run out of space, then what do you do? You're almost done, dude. You're going to go neck and face?

[00:06:09]Never. Well, I just got this.

[00:06:12]That's What does that say?

[00:06:13]>> Fade to black.

[00:06:14]>> I hate black. I hate blacks.

[00:06:16]>> What? He [ __ ] the S up.

[00:06:17]>> [laughter] >> So now it just sounds like I'm talking about my neighbor, Kevin.

[00:06:21]I mean all.

[00:06:23]>> [laughter] >> Fade to black, great great album. Great song. Great Yeah.

[00:06:29]>> Yeah, it's beautiful. That's why you did it?

[00:06:32]A a friend of mine took his own life and we always talked about getting a getting a Metallica tattoo and I talked about getting his He'd always be like, "You getting it? You get one? You get one?"

[00:06:42]So I got one. But he's gone. He can't see it. He can hear No, he probably can, wherever he is.

[00:06:50]Hello. What's his name? Hello. What was his first name?

[00:06:52]>> Bo. Bo.

[00:06:54]We love you, Bo.

[00:06:55]Love you, Bo. How about this? Bo, if you're listening and you can hear us, do something right now in the studio.

[00:07:04]McConaughey, your [ __ ] is out.

[00:07:06]>> [laughter] >> Oh my god.

[00:07:07]>> He's on a flight home from Reykjavik. I would love to be a mischievous ghost.

[00:07:13]Dude, so funny. We just did a whole thing about this. Really? We just We shot We shot a short.

[00:07:20]We can talk about it.

[00:07:21]>> about it. It'll probably Cuz it'll never It also he'll never see it.

[00:07:23]>> Yeah, that's true. Bobby did a Bobby did a movie called Karate Ghost. And when he had revealed to us that he's doing a movie called Karate Ghost, we were like >> Wait, when He already shot it? Is it real? Yeah. Like recent? It's not like straight to VHS? Oh, no. It'll go straight to VHS.

[00:07:36]>> Yeah, but they have it It's It's completed, but there's no release date set yet. But but came back from like a 3-day shoot and he was like, "I broke my he doesn't do Asian accents anymore rule on this movie." And we're like, "Oh, what movie?" And he goes, "Karate Ghost."

[00:07:48]>> So, we were dying laughing cuz that's the funniest name I've ever heard in my [ __ ] life. And I was like, "Karate Ghost." And then he, McConaughey, was like, "I think we should like shoot a fake short and tell him that we got an early release of Karate Ghost and I play Bobby and the >> And this town sheriff.

[00:08:04]>> town sheriff. And he wrote the script and we shot it. We went out to the desert, shot it in two days.

[00:08:09]>> That's so cool. I'll send it to you.

[00:08:10]We'll show it here. Oh, that is great. And so we're going to And it's me fighting I'm like, "Well, hello, you ghost." It's me fighting ghosts. And there's like samurai and people get arms chopped off and a heart gets ripped out and there was >> That's incredible. We just shot it out in the desert. Josh was there.

[00:08:23]>> simpatico. simpatico I want to be a a mischievous ghost. You are a Chinese ghost. No, I'm fighting. I'm a karate ghost.

[00:08:32]>> Oh, you fight the ghost. Oh, you fight the ghost. [snorts] Yes.

[00:08:35]>> Oh, I thought you were a ghost that does karate. Well, the go the ghost who tries to kill me does do karate. Mhm. He He's extremely skilled. I can't see it, but I we do see it.

[00:08:46]>> karate as a kid? No. No, no. I was No, no. No, I had a bunch of friends. I I did not. I played basketball >> a dojo, no friends.

[00:08:55]>> No, I just think karate was I didn't understand it. Mhm. But the kids who did karate, I knew I wasn't like them. Do you know what I mean?

[00:09:03]Yeah. Like boy scouts. The majority kids who did karate ended up doing also pills.

[00:09:09]>> [laughter] >> I went and saw Three Ninjas in theaters and I don't know where I heard this from, but I heard that the producers wound up finding them like at a karate expo at a mall or something and they asked them to do it. So, I went home to my house in Wilmington, Delaware and for a week just did karate on my front lawn hoping some pedophile executive [laughter] from Hollywood came along and was like, "You want to be in the films, kid?" I'd be like, "You bet."

[00:09:39]>> [laughter] >> You know it, sir.

[00:09:42]>> Yeah, and my parents were just like, "Yeah, go. Go." Rocky? Yeah, why don't you go Why don't you Rocky loves Emily.

[00:09:48]Tum-Tum.

[00:09:49]>> Tum-Tum and Colt.

[00:09:52]Yeah. Ah, dude. And the mean guy, Snyder.

[00:09:58]Was that his name? Yeah, he was a bad guy.

[00:09:59]>> Schneider? Snyder. Snyder.

[00:10:02]>> Schneider. Schneider. Snyder. It was Rob Schneider. [laughter] Take it back. Taking the kids.

[00:10:10]Kidnapping the children.

[00:10:13]Going to be a bad guy on a ship.

[00:10:16]>> was very dark.

[00:10:17]>> Ship my stir. It's very weird when you think about that movie. Why? Well, those kids They were like The three ninjas, isn't the storyline of this movie that they're trying to take back Don't Doesn't someone get kidnapped and they try to go get them back again?

[00:10:39]>> Their dad is like an FBI guy trying to take Snyder down and the kids want to help because they learn karate from their Uncle Mori, but Uncle Mori uh used to be friends with Snyder cuz he trained them and they find out. So, then the guys try to kidnap the kid. That's what it is.

[00:10:58]And then they end up uh foiling the plan.

[00:11:03]Yeah.

[00:11:04]>> Using their special masks. We know someone that produced that movie. Isn't that kind of crazy? Really?

[00:11:09]>> All those years ago. Yeah, he works in the studio sometimes. His dad.

[00:11:12]>> Oh. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. I know he was working on some kind of a sequel to that.

[00:11:16]>> wanted to do the sequel. Yeah, we can't talk We can't talk about it, but isn't that wild? When I think about those like old movies that like shaped your childhood, do you go back and you watch them again? They were all sleepover movies.

[00:11:24]>> They were all sleepover. Watch them at sleepovers. You get jacked up. No.

[00:11:28]>> Nobody does that? I talked to my my friends that have kids and like, we do not let our kids sleep at people's houses. We don't know what the other kids are going to do to them. We don't know what the parents do. The kid never leaves the home." And I'm like, "Dude, everybody needs to get molested.

[00:11:44]>> [laughter] >> That's why that's why you got all those tattoos. Yeah.

[00:11:47]>> These are all the times I was touched.

[00:11:48]>> These are all the times Tony popped his [ __ ] in my mouth at a sleepover.

[00:11:51][laughter] And look at you now.

[00:11:54]It saved you.

[00:11:55]>> [laughter] >> Did it?

[00:11:58]Really? Cuz I'm about to fade to black.

[00:12:00]>> [laughter] >> Don't do it, dude. Stick around. You have a show this week. I have a show this week. Yep.

[00:12:05]>> This show this will be out after it's done, but everyone's in town for Netflix is a joke.

[00:12:09]>> Yes. I have a travel show, too. What?

[00:12:11]Say it.

[00:12:12]>> Ian Doing. Odd guy doing odd jobs. Ian Doing? Ian Doing. You're like Mike Rowe?

[00:12:17]It's it's literally Dirty Jobs meets Daytime Insomniac meets like Simple Life. I go to different towns. People show me how to do their jobs and I do their jobs with them. That's great. It's awesome. I worked at the last Blockbuster on Earth. Where is it? In In In Washington?

[00:12:32]>> Oregon.

[00:12:32]>> Oh, Oregon. That's right. I knew it was the Pacific Northwest somewhere.

[00:12:34]>> Yeah. I was an oyster farmer in Pemaquid, Maine. Um I I did head of security at the Comedy Mothership and I wore I wore foot-to-head tactical gear and and night vision goggles and I had a whip and a pole with an American flag and a spear and I was defending [laughter] the sanctity of Kill Tony.

[00:12:56]The greatest [ __ ] security guard of all time.

[00:12:59]>> Dude, I was winding We we attached the the security wand on the the American flag spear and I was making people spin around like eight times. I got [laughter] lost in the Mothership and did like a Blair Witch like, "Don't tell Joe. Please don't tell Joe." [laughter] >> Did you just say did Joe know you were doing this? Dude, his head of security was like, "We didn't tell Joe. He he doesn't kind of get, you know, like humor stuff like this sometimes." And I was like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." Yeah, he would not like that. The guy with the biggest podcast in the world doesn't get humor. You're right.

[00:13:25]>> He would not like that, though. I could hear him being like, "What the [ __ ] is going on?" Yeah. And and and like children we'd all be like, "I don't know. You know I don't Ian was Yeah, I don't even know." And I just walk away immediately.

[00:13:34]>> the bus. Yeah, Ian that was Ian's bit.

[00:13:37]Didn't want to put you in >> One woman we were filming at like 5:00 before they opened the doors and I was on the street like yelling and an old woman thought that I was ice and she was like and she tripped [laughter] and fell on the sidewalk.

[00:13:53]And I picked her up and I was like, "See how good the security is at the mother champ? We're helping." [laughter] Yeah, it's it's a dude I'm having so much fun.

[00:14:00]>> Are you financing this whole thing?

[00:14:01]You're traveling all around the the world the country and >> financed it for like a year and then it got picked up by YMH so they're producing it.

[00:14:09]>> That's awesome. So they're helping me out and it goes out on my channel and their channel and they're like super into it and it's so fun. I'm doing something with um uh Ring of Honor and AEW coming up. I'm going to like learn how to wrestle and then like build a ring and everything.

[00:14:24]>> to like do a lot of shows.

[00:14:25]>> Yeah. Really?

[00:14:26]>> stoked. They're going to teach me how to cut a promo. A bunch of the women wrestlers are going to beat me up. I'm going to get >> name?

[00:14:32]I don't know. What should my name be?

[00:14:33]What should my wrestling name be?

[00:14:36]The Rebel Rouser. You want something with a little alliteration? I love alliteration.

[00:14:42]The Jumping Jew. What?

[00:14:47]The >> [laughter] >> Say it whatever it is.

[00:14:53]Whatever it is, dude. Say it.

[00:14:55]>> [laughter] >> Go ahead and say it. Come on. I just over the top like become the Iron Sheik of Israel.

[00:15:01]>> [laughter] >> I am going to [ __ ] you in the ass, >> [laughter] >> Hulk Hogan.

[00:15:08]Yes, I put the Yahoo in Netanyahu.

[00:15:11]>> [laughter] >> That's a promo I'd watch.

[00:15:13]>> Yeah, right? Yeah.

[00:15:14]>> Yeah, they're going to teach me how to cut a promo. I'm so fascinated. I'm so stoked. Yeah. It's kind of cool is that but that lifestyle now is so subdued because it now look, it's always character based, but you read some of those stories about the old days and you're like, "How are all these guys not dead?" So many of them did die. I mean >> "How are all of them not dead?"

[00:15:34]>> Not only die, but they died while they were alive. Like they lived a horrible, horrible post-wrestling life.

[00:15:41]>> You know.

[00:15:41]>> Like Andre the Giant stories, that that documentary about him was like super sad. They were like everyone's bragging, he's like, "He started with a case of beer." Like that's a bad thing. That's a really bad thing.

[00:15:49]>> Yeah, they're like, "Oh, he's so funny.

[00:15:51]He drank nine bottles of wine."

[00:15:53]>> [laughter] >> He drive. He used to drive.

[00:15:57]>> sobbing, you know."

[00:15:58]>> Yeah. But they but all the stories are so tragic cuz they lived such a dark, dark reality and they were in so Well, a lot of those guys were living in so much pain that they were like, "Well, I'll just keep getting [ __ ] up every night." Yeah, and they're like, "I'll just take pills and it'll make me better." And then like, you know, let alone the CTE that of it all and you know >> It's crazy.

[00:16:15]>> the whole Chris Benoit thing. Sad.

[00:16:18]>> And uh which I you know, that was obviously faked, but anyway, um >> [laughter] >> Anyway, watch the watch Ian do. Yeah, Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs. Every other Tuesday, youtube.com/ianfinancecomedy.

[00:16:35]What's up? Don't flick off the I don't know why you have to flick off the fans.

[00:16:38]>> That was to anyone that That won't watch?

[00:16:40]>> supported Chris Benoit.

[00:16:42]>> [laughter] >> Yeah, that's anyone that won't watch.

[00:16:45]>> That's exactly right. You have to give Sometimes you have to give up You have to give people the finger once in a while, but I do feel like you reach an age where the finger >> is no good.

[00:16:53]>> do it, yeah. Like I can't see my dad giving somebody the finger.

[00:16:56]>> I like the finger juxtaposed with a smile.

[00:17:01]>> Smile, that's genius. But actually, intentionally fully being like I'm that That's a good There's a gap, right? Like when you're young, it's it's teenagers are like, "Screw you." Funny. But But you get into like your 30s and it's like >> That's like have you ever met an adult that still does the shocker?

[00:17:21]My mom.

[00:17:22]>> [laughter] >> She's like what's that boy? Let's get in the picture fellas.

[00:17:29]FAMILY PHOTO.

[00:17:30]NO, but then there's a gap where it's not cool, but then I I take it back. If my dad If my dad was like get [ __ ] I'd be like that's funny again. So there's a gap where you're like it's weird and lame and immature and then you're so old that it's cool. Like my dad is at the age where he doesn't care at all at nothing. He couldn't care less. Like he doesn't care about appearances anymore. Like it just doesn't matter. I love that.

[00:17:53]>> Well, what is it [ __ ] it's old. He's a year old. It's over. You did all this [ __ ] You don't need to like placate people anymore.

[00:17:59]>> want a family or to not care.

[00:18:01]>> [laughter] >> Well, you find you you find love in all the right places. I'm swiping for love on all the wrong places.

[00:18:09]>> right now?

[00:18:11]Right now, yes. Yes. Yeah.

[00:18:12]>> You sounded sad about it.

[00:18:14]>> Oh, so sad.

[00:18:15]It is funny though. You want to be you you want to be in a relationship then you get in a relationship and then you're like I don't want to be in a relationship and then No, I did very much wanted to be in a relationship and >> Because you get in them and you get out of them and it's all your fault.

[00:18:27]>> I would have stayed in them if you know, she didn't love coke and [ __ ] but >> [laughter] >> you know.

[00:18:32]WHAT CAN YOU DO? I LOOK PAST every red flag ever.

[00:18:37]>> [laughter] >> But you're a big green flag.

[00:18:40]Me? Yeah. I think I am.

[00:18:41]>> You're a sweet endearing guy. You're smart. You're funny. Thank you. You're good at pool. Ooh.

[00:18:48]I went back to that billiards place that we went to that you took me to. What was that? Amsterdam? Is that what it is?

[00:18:52]>> Yeah. I shot pool the other night for the first time in forever. I went there because of you. Someone was like oh let's go play pool. This was crazy.

[00:19:00]This is nuts. They were like oh yeah I think there's another there's a pool hall XYZ and then I was like Ian took me to this place Amsterdam. We let's go right there. It's not that far from where we were. Oh that's great. And then we went there and Chad Smith met up with us. What? From the Chili Peppers? It was insane.

[00:19:16]>> Shut up!

[00:19:17]>> Swear to god. You hung out with Chad Smith from the Chili Peppers?

[00:19:20]>> He beat the living [ __ ] out of all of us in pool.

[00:19:23]He was [ __ ] unreal. He was friends with a friend of ours and he was like, "Yeah, Chad's going to come." And I was like, "Oh." As if I knew who Chad was.

[00:19:31]That rules.

[00:19:32]>> insane. When he When he came, I was like, "Oh." And then he's like, "Are you Are you good at pool?" And I was like, "Not really. I mean, no.

[00:19:38]I I can play pool."

[00:19:40]>> Yeah. But he was like, "Oh, well, you know, all right. Let's We'll try." And he [ __ ] smooshed me. I mean, I don't I don't I think I got one shot and he was just like Was he having fun with it or was he pissed that you like weren't good? No, I mean, he After he beat me, I just got a beer and watched. Yeah. I was like, "You guys play. I'm not going to Dude, I learned how to play the opening lick to um "Scar Tissue" and I played it on the phone for my eighth grade girlfriend and then she broke up with me two days later. [laughter] You guys >> That's why she broke up with you? Like probably I also was like a bad kisser, I guess. You were a bad kisser? In eighth grade, yeah. How are you now?

[00:20:18]Fantastic. Now, was the bad kiss got Did it get around school? People were like, "You know, Ian's a bad kisser." Did she tell people Bro. Oh, no. Not even around school.

[00:20:28]My birthday's December 31st. Sophomore year, I went to a New Year's Eve party and all the girls lined up to give like a New Year's birthday kiss to me. Oh, no. And it was literally kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. By the time I got to the end of the line, word got around that I was a bad kisser.

[00:20:43]>> [laughter] >> It was so embarrassing and I was wearing a Mr. T-shirt that his his afro mohawk like was bubbly on the shirt that you could like and it was like, "I pity the fool." Like all I had like my best Jinkos on. Like dude, I was so embarrassed. I faked a stomach ache and asked my mom to pick me up from the party. And then this girl, shout out, I I sa- maybe I don't know if you Don't say her name. She's she's a king, she's a queen.

[00:21:11]>> Just say her first name. Jess. Jess.

[00:21:13]>> me to a red Honda Civic at a party like 2 months later and was like, look, we got to fix this. Let me show you how to kiss. And we made out in her car and she taught me and ever since then I've been told I'm a fantastic kisser. God bless, appreciate you.

[00:21:25]>> You know what, Jess?

[00:21:27]Shock up, dude. Shock up. Shock [laughter] it out. I was shocked that you took me in your tutelage.

[00:21:35]Was she same age or older than you? This sounds like a thing an older chick would do.

[00:21:37]>> Same grade, older. Yeah, it sounds like a thing an older girl would be a queen.

[00:21:41]>> a solid move, dude.

[00:21:42]>> There was a girl You never I Did you know what to do with your tongue? I didn't know what to do with the mouth. No, I mean, my dad taught me and then >> [laughter] >> No, but I'll tell you this reminded me of a story when I was in high school, an older girl who lived like in my neighborhood, um who I totally had a crush on, but I thought she's older, you know what I mean? And she would pick me up and take me to school sometimes, and she drove stick like hot as [ __ ] ever.

[00:22:09]So cool. And only after, when we were both in college and like saw each other back home, was she like, "I had a massive crush on you and you never made a move at all." And I was like, "I was a scared little boy."

[00:22:23]>> a move?

[00:22:24]Then I did, yes. But I was like, "How did you not say" She goes, "Every I was throwing so many signals to you. I picked you up and took you to school. Like I wore the shortest dresses when I saw you." I was like, "I know, I thought you were just like a cool hot chick."

[00:22:39]>> Yeah. The older older hot chick, in your mind you're like, "That's impossible.

[00:22:43]That's an impossible find. I can't get that."

[00:22:45]>> me. That happened to me. A girl grade older, I would go to her beach house. I was in a band with her older brother, and then she and I would stay up all night talking.

[00:22:53]>> thought no chance.

[00:22:54]>> like, "Oh, she just likes conversation."

[00:22:56]>> [laughter] >> Like I don't I don't know. Well, cuz when you're in high school, you're like, the older broads like older dudes.

[00:23:01]They're not really not looking down at dorky us, but sure enough And and you ended up smooching. Yeah, we did. It's fantastic.

[00:23:10]>> Oh, so how did I learn how to kiss good?

[00:23:12]Yeah. My friend who was my neighbor in my neighborhood, her and I we we literally taught each we like learned together. That's great. And we made a bet we made a bet when we were young that we if we were not married by a certain age, we would have gotten married. We did that thing.

[00:23:26]That's cute.

[00:23:27]>> Yeah. And then what happened?

[00:23:29]Uh she's gay. Woah.

[00:23:31]>> No, no. I'm gay. [ __ ] I got that wrong.

[00:23:33]>> [laughter] >> I always got that confused.

[00:23:35]>> got to No, we we both grew up and met people, but it's funny because she was like a my best friend. She was also a tomboy and beat every dude in the neighborhood at sports. Oh, that's great.

[00:23:45]>> I'm not kidding. Every dude that was like I'm faster than her.

[00:23:50]smoked. I'm I'm better at her than basketball. Killed. I mean, she was unbelievable.

[00:23:55]>> It reminds me of my neighborhood best friends. They were all girls and they lived up the street. They were like so good at sports.

[00:24:02]Yeah, we did Are people good at sports anymore? I don't know. Unless you're like in a program. Now they put their kids in these like programs.

[00:24:08]>> Travel leagues and the kids have like Trainers, coaches. like insanely expensive like elbow gear and those like oven mitts so they don't break a finger sliding into second.

[00:24:17]>> had some fat guy in the neighborhood who coached us and yelled at us a lot.

[00:24:21]>> we all had aluminum bats in an army bag that the guy used in Vietnam.

[00:24:25]>> [laughter] >> And we we would just like go through drills and then >> blood on this, Tim? He's like, "Yeah, don't [laughter] worry about it, man.

[00:24:31]Just It's not a big deal." Not mine.

[00:24:34]>> There's blood on everything, man. Don't worry about >> anything about the Viet Cong. You'll you'll understand when you're [laughter] older.

[00:24:38]In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey.

[00:24:42]Basketball.

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[00:25:48]Ginger.

[00:25:50]I like gingers.

[00:25:52]Dude, this this girl I yo, I Speaking of like girls training and like like uh helping, I dated this girl in like 2005 and the first time we had sex, I came and I was like, "Cool. Thanks.

[00:26:06]Good night." And she like I sw- Dude, I rolled over and then I just felt this thing looking at me and I rolled over and she was like, "Don't ever do that again.

[00:26:17]You don't get off without me getting off."

[00:26:20]>> I was like, "What?"

[00:26:21]>> And she was like, "You don't do that.

[00:26:23]>> Right.

[00:26:23]>> That's [ __ ] up.

[00:26:24]>> Yep. And then she taught me to like always get her off and then now I'm like I have to get the other person off.

[00:26:31]>> Yeah. And I like doing that first so then I don't have to perform as well.

[00:26:34]>> It is nice to knock it out. Yeah.

[00:26:36]>> It's nice to get out of the way.

[00:26:37]>> Yeah, and then you're like It's kind of like brushing your teeth when you first wake up. Mhm. I want Or doing your homework when you get home from school on a Friday so you have the whole weekend to have fun. [laughter] Yeah. Do you brush your teeth in the shower?

[00:26:50]No. Is that weird I do? Do you?

[00:26:52]>> if I'm late. I always do. Uh-uh.

[00:26:55]>> I'm just killing two birds.

[00:26:56]>> brushing my teeth while packing today.

[00:26:58]I'll brush my teeth on the run all the time at the house, but if I can get in the shower and get a nice hot steam in there, I love just standing there with the water on me brushing my teeth. I really love it. I love it.

[00:27:07]>> keep your toothbrush in the shower or do you take it from the sink?

[00:27:09]>> I've got a a holder in the wall cut out, so I can put it in there when I'm done.

[00:27:16]And then when I get out of the shower, I grab it and put it on the >> glory hole in your shower?

[00:27:20]>> [laughter] >> Is that not a normal shower?

[00:27:23]I mean You don't have a glory hole?

[00:27:26]No, I have to go to one. I don't have one in my own.

[00:27:29]>> [laughter] >> Comedy's doing pretty well for me, my friend.

[00:27:33]Yeah, I Do you shave in the shower? I'm strictly only clean guy in the shower. I don't do anything else in the shower.

[00:27:41]>> shave I don't shave I won't No, I mean I don't ever shave. I trim the beard over the sink, but I just love brushing my teeth in there cuz I like the wa- hot water on my neck. Mhm. I don't know what it is. And also then I just can't get sloppy spitty everywhere when I'm really getting in there just dripping everywhere. I don't think about them. Mhm. You know, when I'm on the move and I'm like brushing around my house when I'm like doing something with the dog and cleaning up and getting ready to go >> the brush in your mouth and you forget about like the drool and everything.

[00:28:04]>> Drops of toothpaste all over my house.

[00:28:06]Like I've I found them all like it'll be on my shirt on my pants and then like by the kitchen. Do you ever do that? Like you drop toothpaste or like spill a coffee and then you're like, "God, I would never be able to get away with murder."

[00:28:19]>> [laughter] >> I yeah, dude. This is >> [clears throat] >> I know, I have so many things to clean.

[00:28:23]It's crazy. So much DNA all over this place, yeah.

[00:28:26]Yeah, I you know what? You wouldn't be a good murderer.

[00:28:29]>> No. You would tell someone right away.

[00:28:31]>> Mhm. You'd be like, "You're not going to believe what I just did."

[00:28:33]>> Yeah, yeah. I'd be late somewhere and I'd be like, "Dude, sorry. I was just I was just killing someone."

[00:28:38]>> I just stabbed a guy and then you know when you're like stabbing or over and then your hand slips, I end up cutting myself. My DNA is everywhere.

[00:28:46]>> Why do you think I got the band-aid? It is funny that uh people that get caught now on the internet from like from murder, they always are Googling what they need They're always like, "How do I get rid of a body?" They Google it.

[00:28:56]>> Oh, dude, it's crazy. They and they all do it. It's like you hear this story all the time. They're always like, "Does acid melt bodies? Where can I buy [laughter] acid?" They're like chat GPT-ing Well, also we have so much Ring camera footage, security footage, camera phones, everything. So, you get to see these idiots reactions when they caught when they get caught being told, "We know you murdered someone." And they're like And they're like they're like, "Uh crazy crazy uh >> [laughter] >> "How did you guys know?" I mean, it's there's there's so much evidence. If you you went to a You went to Home Depot and you said, "Hey, I killed a guy. How do I get rid of him?"

[00:29:35]>> Hey, does my wife and child's body fit in this plastic drum? [laughter] I kind of want to keep banging my [ __ ] secretary and I just can't deal with divorce. I mean, I mean, Does this Do you give DISCOUNTS TO VETERANS?

[00:29:50]>> [laughter] >> THEY'RE LIKE, "YES, we do, sir." Uh where are your tool belts?

[00:29:56]No murder, no murder for you. I don't think so.

[00:29:59]>> No, you wouldn't do it. Except for when you're on stage, shocker.

[00:30:03]Shocker, dude.

[00:30:06]You are such a funny funny funny comedian. You're a funny little dirty boy. You're sweetie pie.

[00:30:10]>> You're one of the funniest, dude. I don't Are you touring? What are you doing? Are you putting out a special?

[00:30:15]Till I die, man. I'm on on the road every I think I have like two weekends off till January. Um Ian Fidance is on for tickets. Yeah, I want to I want to I Oh, McCone saw me in Chicago. Where?

[00:30:29]At Zanies. And I did like an improvised set with the piano and I had this guy come on stage and play the piano. And so, I'm I'm putting that out uh on my YouTube in in like 2 weeks. And then um Zanies Old Town?

[00:30:41]Yeah. Awesome. The best.

[00:30:43]>> Awesome.

[00:30:44]>> it so much. I love that club so much.

[00:30:46]>> It's just such a cool, I don't know, that We were talking about that the other night about old clubs that still have the thing inside of them that you just can't replace You're never going to be able to build it again.

[00:30:56]>> Yeah. Mhm. It's so funny. I don't know what it is about old comedy clubs. I I like the dirty, sticky >> Hartford Funny Bone. No.

[00:31:05]>> [laughter] >> I was waiting. I was like, go for it, man. Yeah, the dude, I I don't know what it is about Zanies Old Town. I think it's just like so compact, long but tight, and and it just has this like feel to it. And I think it does it exists because it has so many old headshots of like the guys that were huge at the time when the club opened.

[00:31:27]And you just have this feel It's a feeling that doesn't exist at at a bunch of other places in the city.

[00:31:32]>> hard to duplicate that stuff. Yeah. It's like your favorite restaurant, you know?

[00:31:36]And when they do upgrades sometimes, like if I go back to a place I've been a long time, and they've like upgraded them, or something. Why did you do that?

[00:31:43]>> it. Yeah, I don't You didn't need to upgrade. It was fine. Yeah. No, we want to, you know, Now we >> Now we do Brussels sprouts. You're like, >> Leave it. All right.

[00:31:51]>> Leave it. By the way, that's such a [ __ ] scam. The greatest new food scam is Brussels sprouts. You know, we go through these waves of everybody wants a thing on every [ __ ] gastropub menu.

[00:32:00]>> [laughter] >> Who's Brussels sprouts PR team?

[00:32:04]Who's Who's trying to get that out there?

[00:32:07]>> [laughter] >> I hate them so much.

[00:32:08]And every somebody orders them, I'm like, what is that? What's this gig for?

[00:32:12]I'll be honest, maple glazed Brussels sprouts, good. Maple Maple Maple glazed anything is going to be good. Mhm. Yeah, that's true. He's like, oh, we have maple glazed asparagus. You're like, I mean, I guess I'll try it.

[00:32:25]>> rap, or people don't talk about enough, and I've been uh a proponent of this?

[00:32:30]Bok choy.

[00:32:31]Love a good bok. Garlic seared bok choy.

[00:32:36]>> Love a good bok. Love a good bok in a soup. Bok in a ramen. Love bok in a ramen.

[00:32:42]I make Dude, I make garlic and I crisp the garlic up and then I put the bok choy on.

[00:32:48]I want you to come over and cook sometime.

[00:32:49]>> Why would you ever choose to leave me?

[00:32:53]Girlfriend.

[00:32:55]Ex-girlfriend.

[00:32:56]>> [laughter] >> Were you at Coachella? That's Yeah, you performed, right? You were >> Uh-huh.

[00:33:00]Yeah, you did pretty good.

[00:33:01]>> Thank you. I appreciate that.

[00:33:03]>> Main stage. Wow. You and Beebs.

[00:33:05]Me and Beebs. I have the same PR as Brussels sprouts.

[00:33:10]And they got me the gig.

[00:33:11]>> [laughter] >> Yeah, they're pushing you guys around in a big time.

[00:33:15]>> I could see going to a meeting with some firm or whatever be like, "So the Brussels sprouts campaign and we actually got them into every restaurant.

[00:33:23]So, you know, we think we could do something with kind of your like bisexual mania kind of like working man, not feminine alpha energy that kind of could see you maybe doing something, you know, like you're like kind of maple glazed yourself." And I'd be like, "Okay, that makes sense." You are kind of maple glazed.

[00:33:41]Because you are you're sweet, but you're stiff.

[00:33:46]You're a man, but you're a boy.

[00:33:51]Tough. And you're tough, but you're sensitive.

[00:33:53]>> Yes.

[00:33:55]And you're funny, but you're an idiot.

[00:33:58]Choice I make.

[00:34:00]It is. It's a bold choice.

[00:34:03]You got to be smart to be dumb.

[00:34:06]You got to be dumb to be smart. You have to be Is that John Prine?

[00:34:12]I think if it's you're going to be dumb, you're going to be tough. Yeah, if you're going to be dumb, you got to be tough. You like John Prine?

[00:34:18]There's flies in the kitchen. In spite of ourselves. There it is.

[00:34:22]What's the P for in the hat? [ __ ] [ __ ] What is that for? [ __ ] Come on.

[00:34:30]Uh it's >> A Philly thing? For [ __ ] Uh, no, it's Phillies. It's like it was their P logo from 1934 to 1935. That's the original Phillies logo? Uh, no, they had like other ones, but they only had this for 1 year.

[00:34:42]>> That's fantastic. It looks like calligraphy.

[00:34:44]>> Thank you. Yes, that's why I like it.

[00:34:46]>> I love the Detroit D and I was wearing that hat for a while and I would say it's for Delaware. Mhm. But nobody listened to me. It is funny.

[00:34:53]>> I say it's for Philly and everybody goes, "No, it's for pussy." Everybody knows you love [ __ ] >> They do. They do.

[00:35:01]Uh, Joe, name of the episode obviously is Ian Fidance loves [ __ ] >> Oh, no, please don't. Please do. I'm trying to distance myself from all of that.

[00:35:09]>> [laughter] >> Oh, you're going to guys? No, just from like being like sex guy.

[00:35:14]>> Oh, okay. You know?

[00:35:16]>> Well, you are kind of a sex guy. I'm an everything guy. Mhm. Yeah, and now what?

[00:35:20]Now you don't want to eat anymore, you want love.

[00:35:22]>> I I do want love. I'm a lover boy. I'm in my lover girl era. So, what is this?

[00:35:27]You think it's the seasons come, summer's coming and you're So, a lot of people want to be single in the summer, you want to be tied down.

[00:35:33]>> I don't look at it as tied down, I look at it as uh, interlocked.

[00:35:40]Wow.

[00:35:41]I want to be interlocked.

[00:35:43]>> You need it.

[00:35:44]Well, I think I need to be interlocked.

[00:35:46]>> all the apps?

[00:35:47]>> No, I'm not on anything. I need I think I need to be by myself for a while because I think I I uh, it's it it can I can I I stayed out of things for like 5 years and I just was in something that was so like addictive and like almost like a high with how >> Love is a drug. Uh, love is a drug. It's unbelievable. You kind of did you did you change?

[00:36:11]Oh, dude, I canceled half this Netflix trip to go spend the weekend with her in Boston and thank God >> Idiot. she cheated on me and I got everything back.

[00:36:23]>> Yay.

[00:36:23]>> So.

[00:36:24]>> Thank God she cheated on you.

[00:36:26]>> is a conception. What's it called?

[00:36:28]Rejection Rejection is inception Rejection's acceptance.

[00:36:34]>> Rejection is redirection.

[00:36:36]>> Rejection is redirection. Hm. I like some of the other ones. Rejection is acceptance. [laughter] I like that one.

[00:36:43]Rejection is acceptance that you kind of suck sometimes. And that's fine.

[00:36:46]Rejection is some other guy's erection that a girl was on. [ __ ] you, McConaughey, you piece of [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> Sorry.

[00:36:53]Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

[00:36:55]Did you catch her with the dude? No. It was I I I don't want to get into it, but it it was uh it's for the best, and it wasn't going to work out. It was long distance.

[00:37:05]Yeah. She lived far away, and it was just like you know, like FaceTiming all the time, and you get kind of in that mode of being with So, breaking that routine has been kind of like a Did you do phone sex?

[00:37:18]>> tough.

[00:37:19]Yeah. FaceTime phone sex?

[00:37:20]>> Uh-huh. Do you ever do that?

[00:37:21]>> Yeah, it's fun. It is. Yeah, it's fun.

[00:37:24]It is. It's fun if everyone's in.

[00:37:27]And it's fun when you don't um worry about your angles.

[00:37:35]I mean, I would imagine women do worry about the angles more than we do.

[00:37:38]>> That's so funny, cuz I worry about my angles.

[00:37:40]>> [laughter] >> I said I said women.

[00:37:42]Yeah.

[00:37:44]You do you are fluttering. You think about the angles, don't you? I think about the angles, yeah. I got to be like up high or like The first time we we did it I I was like feeling really good, and then it we were like both there, and I dropped my phone. I was like, "Oh, wait.

[00:37:57]Huh? [laughter] What? Huh?"

[00:37:59]And then it's just like when when there's noise on my phone, my cat will paw at it. So, she's like, "Where are you? I I just came Oh my god." AND MY CAT'S LIKE >> [laughter] >> AND THE BENNY HILL THEME SONG IS PLAYING.

[00:38:13]>> [laughter] >> Your cat's just like Your cat's just nosing the camera over and over.

[00:38:19]Yeah. But no, I mean, it was it was like it it was what it was. I'm I'm glad it happened. It sucks it ended that way.

[00:38:26]Maybe in time we'll be like pals about it, but it's just like uh you know, too too raw right now, but I'm still in that mode of like, "God, I I miss like my friend."

[00:38:36]You know. Yeah, you'll get back there.

[00:38:38]But a friend doesn't treat someone that way. Yeah.

[00:38:41]Yeah, you're going to get back with a new friend. You're going to find what you deserve. Mhm. I mean, you living on the road has got to be a a nightmare.

[00:38:47]Well, that's the thing, too. It was the the writing was kind of on the wall. She didn't really want to travel. She didn't want to leave the town she was in and it's like, "Well, what are we doing then?" You're touring by yourself and then you're are you opening for a tell, too, sometimes?

[00:38:59]>> all headlining on my own.

[00:39:00]>> But didn't you go out with Dave for a long time? Yeah, he kept me alive for like 6 years. And then what? Now you never will go out with him again or he doesn't he just >> would, but I you know, my schedule is you know, I'm like headlining every weekend, so it's um opening for him is that's conflicting schedules. Yeah, but it is so funny, though.

[00:39:19]>> being with him on the road so much. It was so much fun.

[00:39:23]I mean it's so funny. Being a headliner is great, but you're like so nice to go open for someone and just hang out.

[00:39:30]>> I know, yeah.

[00:39:31]>> nice.

[00:39:31]>> Especially him because we keep the same hours and everything and like you know, we were just like sit and chain smoke till the sun comes up and I was like so nice and fun. You go to bed at what time?

[00:39:41]I'm I'm a lot better now, but for a while it it was between like 4:00 and 6:00.

[00:39:47]Damn.

[00:39:48]What is it now? Midnight, 1:00 in the morning? Now it's probably like 2:00 or 3:00, you know.

[00:39:52]>> wake up at what time?

[00:39:53]Probably 9:30.

[00:39:57]Um and then hit the snooze and then 9:37 because the snooze is every 7 minutes and then I get out of bed at 3:00 p.m.

[00:40:08]>> [laughter] >> That's kind of No, I wake up at 9:30 and I'll putz around and then I'll like take a nap later in the day before I have to do my next thing and then I kind of sleep in shifts sometimes.

[00:40:18]You know. You're like an oil rigger.

[00:40:20]Yeah. Well.

[00:40:22]You're like an oil rigger.

[00:40:24]Sorry about that.

[00:40:24]>> Yeah, I had Um yeah, but I mean dude, the schedule is like so it's like appealing to a partner for like a minute and then they're like, "Oh, this kind of sucks." You know.

[00:40:34]>> Yeah, cuz it's hard on even us. You're like, "I don't know how people want to be with this thing." Cuz you're you're coming home so intermittently and then when you are gone a lot of times too, it's like when I'm on the road even when we talk because you want to talk cuz you miss you're also so kind of like it travel mode in your mind, you're doing [ __ ] that you're like, "I I got to go to talk to you later. I got to [ __ ] do >> Yeah, but also there's that thing you hear the sad in their voice of like, "I miss you. I wish you were here." and that makes me feel like helpless because I want to like fix and make feel good and so it makes me feel like I'm impotent when I'm like, "Oh, I wish I was there too. Nothing we can do." you know. So I have to like I had to be like, "Hey, instead of saying you miss me for for me to make it not so tough and and for you too, it would be better if you were to say like, "I'm so excited to see you." you know.

[00:41:22]And I think, you know, I made jokes and it didn't end well or whatever, but there was a connection that me and this person had and and it did show me what I want and I do want I I think I'm at the phase where I do want a partner and I want to bring someone around with me.

[00:41:36]Like I would love to have whomever I'm with travel with me and like do these weekends with me and make like the weekends like mini vacations and fun stuff. like that, you know, like that's what I would really like cuz it can get like so intensely lonely. Oh my god, dude. And I and I I don't want to be the guy that just like hooks up with someone on the road and you know, I've been a tumbleweed blown through town before, okay? I um this tumbleweed is done blowing.

[00:42:02]>> [snorts] >> Guys. Unless >> [laughter] >> you got a hog.

[00:42:07]Then I'm sucking. Then I'm sucking. I'm [ __ ] I'm bouncing on that thing crazy style.

[00:42:14]>> [laughter] >> Well, you put out a good advertisement.

[00:42:18]I really hope somebody fishes through this episode, sees it, and pitches themself to you.

[00:42:22]>> No, thank you.

[00:42:23]Cuz I I I I'm going to be alone for a while.

[00:42:26]>> want to be with you. I don't Why? That's why I'm here. I can't do it, dude.

[00:42:29]>> What's the whole point of it? I know. I just I realized it.

[00:42:32]>> McConaughey, you have that sign I said that says, "Will you go to prom with me 2026?" [laughter] Oh, dude, listen to this. I'm such a hopeless romantic. This girl I flew her out to to visit me the first time we met cuz we we met on she DM'd me.

[00:42:45]And the joke was that she was too good to be true and she was like so beautiful and like really into me and I'm like this is a scam. You're like an Indian crypto guy. Like this [laughter] is Your name's Gardeep.

[00:42:56]>> You must show your bank account. Dude.

[00:42:58]>> Enter now, please. So, when when she flew in, I got a ticket to like I got a cheap $100 ticket to Ohio so I could get through TSA meet surprise her at her gate.

[00:43:11]That's pretty rad.

[00:43:12]>> Yeah.

[00:43:13]You You You bought a ticket just so you could be at the gate?

[00:43:16]>> Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Romantic.

[00:43:18]>> And um I had a sign that said Gardeep on it when she got off the plane cuz I would call her name.

[00:43:25]>> she was Yeah. And then on the other side it said, "I can't wait to be Gardeep inside you."

[00:43:30]>> [laughter] >> THAT'S AWESOME.

[00:43:34]>> GUY.

[00:43:36]YOU [laughter] are a fun guy, dude.

[00:43:37]Yeah. I'll find my princess prince charming.

[00:43:41]Which one do you prefer?

[00:43:43]I just want a person that I have a connection with. Yeah. You know?

[00:43:50]It's a lot harder to meet people when like people are deep in their careers and they're successful and they kind of have they they're more planted in who they are.

[00:43:56]I think that's harder. When you're young and you're all broke That's the other thing, too. When you're young and you're all broke, you can pull someone way out of your league cuz you're like we're all poor.

[00:44:05]You're hot, but you're not rich. I'm ugly, but I'm We're all poor. Yeah. And you like me cuz I'm nice and funny.

[00:44:11]Yeah. Well, I think that's why so many athletes are like married to the girl they were with in high school, you know?

[00:44:17]Like your day one, like when you >> Yeah, because they're like, "Well, they they know me." Yeah. versus you're famous now, you're rich now, you know what I mean? And look at you, you're famous and rich now, and so good luck.

[00:44:28]I owe a lot of money to the IRS.

[00:44:30]You don't pay your taxes? I do.

[00:44:33]Now.

[00:44:35]>> [laughter] >> Did you skip?

[00:44:37]I'll skip to my lou.

[00:44:39]Skip to my lou, dude. Play a little hopscotch. A little bit of uh What's his name went away?

[00:44:45]>> Wesley Snipes.

[00:44:45]>> Yeah, Wesley Snipes Wesley Snipes those taxes.

[00:44:48]>> them out.

[00:44:49]>> How long did he go away for?

[00:44:51]Wesley Snipes got clipped.

[00:44:53]>> Yeah, I think he and I are in a couple different brackets.

[00:44:56]Oh, no, dude. I think it was just He owed so much >> Yeah, 28 months in federal prison.

[00:45:02]I would love that. Go to Club Fed for a while.

[00:45:05]>> filing returns from '99 to 2001.

[00:45:08]Only two years? 2001, that's it? That's the You're IN DEEP [ __ ] >> [screaming] [groaning] >> HE WAS ORIGINALLY SENTENCED TO 3 YEARS, which is more than the amount of time.

[00:45:19]No, I'm fine.

[00:45:19]>> You get less for murder. That's crazy.

[00:45:21]>> Yeah. Murdered people get out in like 5 years. You're like, what they like It's crazy. They're like, "Hey, you can't murder. We'll give you 4 and 1/2." This guy didn't pay his taxes. They're like, "Dude, this is You're going away."

[00:45:31]>> You're in trouble, Snipey. That's so [ __ ] up to me. It was only 2 years?

[00:45:36]Yeah, not filing returns. I'm not taking care of this all now. I Did you Is it hot in here?

[00:45:41]>> [laughter] >> No, he's going to start sweating now.

[00:45:45]>> No, I uh No, I'm I'm paying them all.

[00:45:49]Everything's fine. Everything's fine.

[00:45:51]I'll find love again.

[00:45:53]In Club Fed.

[00:45:54]You find love in prison? Oh my god.

[00:45:57]Found love in a hopeless place.

[00:45:58]>> [laughter] >> That's what I said.

[00:46:02]>> no. I want to hold on to the inside of his pocket.

[00:46:05]>> [laughter] >> He don't make me That's my man.

[00:46:07]>> He don't make me That's my man.

[00:46:10]>> [laughter] >> Rejection is >> would your name be on the inside? What's your little What's your little cute name on the inside? Uh uh jumpy guy.

[00:46:18]What? [laughter] Jumpy guy?

[00:46:19]>> Hey, here comes jumpy guy.

[00:46:21]>> Hey, here comes jumpy jumpy guy. Hey, jumpy. If you grab him, you can [ __ ] him. Oh. Yeah. I put Vaseline on myself.

[00:46:28]Can't grab [laughter] me.

[00:46:30]Slippery.

[00:46:30]>> Yeah. They call me slippery and slippery-in. There he goes. Slippery-in.

[00:46:34]That's his name. Slippery-in.

[00:46:36]>> Slippery-in. Slippery-in. Slippery-in.

[00:46:38]Yeah.

[00:46:39]I'm going to slippery-in right in that ass, boy. Oh, no. I got a tactical air choosing my name. [laughter] [ __ ] In here, we pour whiskey Hey, let's go to Mars. All right. Look, I'm 42 years old. I'm going to be 43 years old. And it's all slowing down.

[00:47:01]All right. No matter how much I work out, no matter how healthy I eat, the body isn't the same, bro. Because the T is dropping off a little bit.

[00:47:07]Testosterone drops, and that's why I started taking Mars men. This stuff is incredible. This is natural testosterone support. Uh they have all of the great ingredients that you know about, have heard about online about testosterone support. They got boron, fenugreek, zinc, K1, K2, vitamin K1, K2, vitamin D, taurine, shilajit, and tongkat ali, which sounds like a character from Street Fighter, but it's not. It's good for you. Uh your body makes testosterone. If it gets locked up, it can't be used. Uh there is this protein called SHBG. Basically handcuffs your testosterone. Unlock it. Unlock it. You need to access it with Mars men. Mars men is actually very, very good. I'm not lying. It's actually fantastic. You feel an energy boost, uh healthy T levels, and good stamina. And you know what I'm talking about with the stamina, whether you're playing with the boys outside or you're having some fun indoors with someone else. Who knows? All right. You got a 90-day money back guarantee. It's made in the USA.

[00:48:00]So, give it a try. For a limited time, our listeners are going to get 50% off for life, plus free shipping, and three free gifts at mengetomars.com. That's mengetomars.com for 50% off and three free gifts when you check out. It's also available on Amazon. After you purchase, they're going to ask you, "Where did you guys hear about Mars men?" Please support our show and tell them that we sent you [music] to Mars. Ginger.

[00:48:24]I like ginger.

[00:48:26]I would just never shower.

[00:48:29]I'd say [ __ ] it. We'll just never shower. I'd be a bad lay, so no one else would want to do it.

[00:48:35]Like it like uh when they're getting it in and you're just like, "Come on, hurry up." Just complaining the whole time.

[00:48:41]>> I'd totally be a pillow princess. They wouldn't like it.

[00:48:44]>> [laughter] >> You want to chat afterwards? Where you going? Stay. Stay. Would you still like me if I was a worm?

[00:48:55]>> [laughter] >> This [ __ ] crazy.

[00:49:00]>> [laughter] >> Who's laying?

[00:49:03]Slaying's wild. You don't get to go to bed till I finish.

[00:49:06]>> [laughter] >> I'm laying it We're laying in bed. I'm like >> [laughter] >> I had a dream someone else is your bottom [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> He's telling all his boys on the yard.

[00:49:21]He's like This [ __ ] keep telling me all these nightmares he's having.

[00:49:26]Tossing and turning.

[00:49:27]>> [laughter] >> I had a dream you shared a pudding cup with someone else.

[00:49:33]You wouldn't do that to me, would you?

[00:49:35]I'm your [ __ ] I noticed I noticed you've been leaving your kitchen shift earlier than I have.

[00:49:42][laughter] Is that just I mean, I know there's distance, but there needs to be something that's done.

[00:49:48]>> [laughter] >> I I believe we made this scenario up and I'm like seeing it in my mind. Like this is a great scene from a movie. Oh, yeah.

[00:49:55]I feel like it's a Wayans Brothers movie. Yeah, that they've already made.

[00:49:58]Loves too hard.

[00:49:59]>> [laughter] >> Aren't they doing another Scary Movie?

[00:50:03]They are. It's coming out. Yeah, it's about to hit theaters. I'm so stoked that's back. I hope that kind of comedy comes out. Like goofy, stupid comedy needs to live again. We need it, dude. We're so [ __ ] Comedy's so weird now. It's like just give me goofball.

[00:50:17]Scary Movie 2 in theaters Oh my god, dude. in Bethany Beach, Delaware in like 2001 I just remember like like laughing to the point of like hurt.

[00:50:32]>> It hurt. It was so [ __ ] funny. And it didn't care. It doesn't take itself serious. No. Like we have just not nothing is like that now. You know what's weird? I did I saw a preview for it and it mentions like pronouns and like non-binary stuff and [snorts] it's like and it but those movies back then they they were funny for the sake of funny and didn't mention anything like in the zeitgeist of the world.

[00:50:58]>> Film is too well they were too aware.

[00:51:00]That's kind of the biggest problem.

[00:51:02]Because this thing this thing's made like everyone so aware of everything all the time. It's like Naked Gun. I loved Naked Gun and then they remade it and and and it's a good try you know, it's like a good swing but it's such a self-aware movie now. And I think the the originals were so dumb and they lived kind of in a vacuum. Well, you got to be smart to be dumb.

[00:51:23]If you're going to be tough, you got to be dumb.

[00:51:27]But yeah, they you need dumb [ __ ] We need more dumb goofball [ __ ] >> Dumb for the sake of dumb. Not like dumb with a point or like >> and and Spade's movie did well. I mean I think it made money and it's dumb. It's a It's a dumb movie about them trying to be waiters.

[00:51:43]Dude. And so it's like that thing should continue in our world.

[00:51:46]>> necky? That was a dumb movie. It was a dumb dumb movie.

[00:51:50]>> fun, >> stupid, great throwback comedy. Yeah, it was fun. It was such a dumb [ __ ] movie. I was like, "Why is it But then every time you pitch these things, people like it just the machine is like I we don't know what to do with that.

[00:52:03]You know, like people want it. You just have to give them something.

[00:52:06]>> They don't know they miss it yet because you can't keep shelling out Avengers.

[00:52:10]What were you looking up?

[00:52:12]I'm just looking at budgets. How much was the budget? Uh it says a lot of the full information isn't out cuz it it just recently came out, but it had a production budget of around 3 million.

[00:52:22]Scary Movie? No, no, no. Bus Oh, Spain and South. Yeah, it was all self-financed.

[00:52:27]>> 3 million and they made how much?

[00:52:29]I'm still going. I'm still finding.

[00:52:30]>> I think they made a lot of money on it.

[00:52:32]I think they made like Good for them.

[00:52:35]What the But it was But it's for us cuz like we need to do I that's what I want.

[00:52:38]I want you to call me and I want to like or I want to call my friends and be like, "Let's go make something really [ __ ] dumb." I mean, I would [ __ ] love that if I didn't owe so much money to the goddamn IRS. They're holding me back, man. The man is holding you down.

[00:52:51]>> Mhm. 1.6 milli, but it's only been out for a couple. And that's just from theatrical which is great.

[00:52:56]>> thing. Once they sell a deal to put it on a streamer, hopefully >> Thanks a lot, Obama, you know.

[00:53:00]>> Yeah, that's fantastic.

[00:53:01]>> And it's just great that a comedy got a theatrical release at any capacity.

[00:53:05]That's the bummer about Stinicky is it didn't get one.

[00:53:07]I know Amazon promised us we would. And why didn't you? Cuz they lied.

[00:53:12]Oh. The business is so funny.

[00:53:14]They're like, "It's going to be in the movies."

[00:53:16]And then got closer to it and we're like, "When's it coming out?" And they're like, "We're working on it, but it's going to be in the theaters."

[00:53:21]And then got even closer and then we're like, "It's going to be on Amazon." What the [ __ ] And we're like, "I thought you said it was that was a whole" And they're like, "Yeah, no, yeah, it's not going to be."

[00:53:29]It's just kind of like a like a like a shitty father who's like, "I'll be there." And you're like, "Where were you?" He's like, "I didn't go. I didn't show up."

[00:53:36]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:53:37]>> like, "Wait, but you told me you would."

[00:53:38]And they're like, "Yeah, I know. But we didn't."

[00:53:40]>> The dad in the first act of a 90s family movie.

[00:53:43]>> Right. Shitty dad who works too much.

[00:53:45]Yeah, before he changes. Yeah, or the dad in Angels in the Outfield. Every 90s movie.

[00:53:50]>> family again. When the angels are independent and when Ricky Steamboat hits theaters.

[00:53:55]>> [laughter] >> Every shitty dad in every movie like that.

[00:54:00]>> Hook. Hook. Late to the kids baseball game. Oh, yeah. Liar, liar. Liar, liar.

[00:54:05]Yeah. Such a good theme. I just rewatched Hook.

[00:54:09]So good.

[00:54:10]So sick.

[00:54:11]>> I used to see that guy. He used to live in my neighborhood. Rufio? Yeah. Really?

[00:54:14]>> In West Hollywood. I'd see him all the time. Woah.

[00:54:17]>> Bobby knows him. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Is he still around? I'm pretty sure. I mean, he's still He's got to be still acting, right? I mean He's a young guy. He's only got to be 50. He can't be much older than us.

[00:54:28]>> young?

[00:54:29]50? 50's not young.

[00:54:30]>> Yeah, you're on the money. He's 50. Is 50 young? Dante Basco.

[00:54:34]>> Dante, yeah. What do you mean 50 50 50's young.

[00:54:37]No.

[00:54:38]>> He's got a lot of time left. Is 50 >> film industry, dude? In film and television? Yeah, 50 you're starting. I mean in like the annals of life.

[00:54:46]30 more years average?

[00:54:48]That's a long time.

[00:54:50]Really? I feel like I'm so old.

[00:54:52]>> But you're 41. Yeah, but you you you display elder. Oh. Like you You know what I mean? What? You smoke like it's over soon. My pronouns are huh and what?

[00:55:03]>> [laughter] >> Roseanne Barr, everybody.

[00:55:06]Yeah, my pronouns ARE [ __ ] YOU.

[00:55:10]>> [laughter] >> SHUT UP. MY PRONOUNS ARE CAN I SMOKE IN HERE?

[00:55:14]>> [laughter] >> YEAH, but you project old. You give you It's giving old. I would like to think that I project wisdom. Mhm.

[00:55:24]Mhm. That's what an old guy would say.

[00:55:26]Yeah. We're the same age pretty much.

[00:55:28]Yeah. But we look old We look We both look old in different ways. But do you still act young because I've had to reel that of like throwing my body into insane like I don't need to strat like I'm doing the two bears 5K on Saturday.

[00:55:44]>> You're doing that?

[00:55:45]>> I haven't run a 5K since high school.

[00:55:47]I'm running in these. What am I doing?

[00:55:49]>> Yeah, that's a terrible idea.

[00:55:50]>> What should I do?

[00:55:51]>> Go get running shoes.

[00:55:52]>> Running shoes. You think?

[00:55:54]>> You're going to hurt your What size shoe are you?

[00:55:55]>> Well, I'm thinking about not running and just speed walking. What size shoe are you? Nine. I can give you some running shoes. Get him a Give him some We'll give you some shoes.

[00:56:02]>> 10 and a half. Should I run? No, speed walk.

[00:56:06]>> you speed walk, don't do it in Vans.

[00:56:08]>> Really? These are There's is no support on these shoes.

[00:56:10]>> Dude, what the [ __ ] I'm like your dad right now.

[00:56:12]>> [laughter] >> I wish. Yeah, I would be.

[00:56:14]>> Just tell me it's going to be okay.

[00:56:16]>> It's not going to be okay. You are going to get hurt in those. I'm serious.

[00:56:18]>> Yeah, 100%. It's so bad. It's flat-footed like that.

[00:56:21]>> the content? Um What about the content?

[00:56:24]>> So So, I should get sneak cuz I wasn't going to run. I was going to speed walk in these.

[00:56:29]>> Even still, that's a waste.

[00:56:31]>> Yeah. It's still bad for you. It's so bad.

[00:56:33]>> I was hoping about being so slow cuz it's around a track, right? You are slow. Mhm.

[00:56:40]Yes, it's around a track.

[00:56:41]>> You got to be smart to be >> [laughter] >> It's on the track at the Rose Bowl.

[00:56:46]Correct.

[00:56:46]>> I was hoping being so slow that they think like I could like skip a mile but >> So, you just do one lap and they're like, "You did it."

[00:56:53]>> Yeah, yeah. That's really funny. You just do one slow lap and when you come back, they've all done >> Yeah. I'm like 5K is how far? How many laps?

[00:57:00]>> 3.1 miles. 3.2.

[00:57:02]>> 2-mile is A 1-mile is is >> Four. 2-mile is four laps is a mile.

[00:57:06]>> country in high school. 21:19 PR. What the [ __ ] is up? It's not good.

[00:57:11]>> Not good.

[00:57:12]>> I broke 16. Really? I was a good runner.

[00:57:15]I ran in high school for a hot minute.

[00:57:17]Really? Dude, I used to run as an adult every day until I hurt my back and then I stopped. Well, that's dude >> to run 7 miles a day. Isn't that so dumb?

[00:57:24]>> What? Yeah. How?

[00:57:27]Where?

[00:57:28]>> catch the itch and I would just at night I'd be at home and then I'd be like, "All right, I'm going to go." And I would just See, I do that on the bike. I can't do that run I can't run to save my life.

[00:57:37]>> to run and black out. It was fun. You would just black out from it. You disappear. I'm you know, like a big smoker. So, I can't run, but I can ride a bike great.

[00:57:45]>> When are we going to quit smoking?

[00:57:46]We? What do you got a mouse in your pocket? What the [ __ ] you talking about?

[00:57:50]We.

[00:57:51]Are you back in prison again?

[00:57:53]>> [laughter] >> That's prison Ian.

[00:57:55]Prison Ian. We do need to quit, you and I.

[00:57:58]Yeah. I don't smoke, but you should quit. Mhm.

[00:58:01]You know why I want you to quit?

[00:58:02]>> I'm cutting back. No, you're not. Yeah.

[00:58:04]What are you smoking? A pack a day?

[00:58:06]That's none of your business.

[00:58:07]Okay. Pack. A pack to two.

[00:58:11]And I was over two. And I'm in a pack to two.

[00:58:16]It's so funny. You'll smoke two packs a day for 20 more years, outlive all of us. Oh my god, I will not.

[00:58:22]>> Bobby's off it, Sal Ianni.

[00:58:24]Bobby quit again, but I don't know if he's >> That ain't come from I love an Ianni every now [laughter] and again. It's just totally like you're from the '50s.

[00:58:31]Bobby's off it, ain't he?

[00:58:33]Oh, what's going on with Bobby? What's going on with Bobby? Is he back on the smokes? Yeah, see. Is he Is he still on the nicotine nicotine express?

[00:58:39]>> go get him a pack of Lucky Strikes and he'll quit tomorrow.

[00:58:41]>> [laughter] >> You know, yeah, he did, but you know, I know now that he's on the road, he's touring again.

[00:58:46]>> Yeah. I bet you he's smoking. I bet my bank account. Cuz I know him. He's a little sneak away. Mhm. He's an addict.

[00:58:53]Right? And I know his addict habits. And I know because he's stressed and it's hard and it's a lot and it's heavy and it's pressure. I know he's sneaking away when Carlos and the boys aren't looking.

[00:59:02]And late at night, if he's up playing games, I bet you he's cracking the hotel window and ripping heaters out of there.

[00:59:07]I guarantee you. Oh, dude, I'll I'll crack the hotel window. I'll cut the little screen open.

[00:59:12]>> Yeah. Have to.

[00:59:14]Every Everyone I know that smokes does that. Yeah. No one's going to go downstairs. I know.

[00:59:20]No, you're not going to.

[00:59:23]>> [laughter] >> It's just it's so funny. It's like they pretend you're like, "We'll just walk down." You're like, "No, I'll just crack the window. I'm smoking in it."

[00:59:29]>> Do you get hit with charges? Do they catch you? No, they don't catch this guy.

[00:59:33]Only one Only people that have ever caught me is the IRS.

[00:59:36]>> [laughter] >> You're You're done for now. No, no. I've I'm paying everything's fine.

[00:59:42]I'm [laughter] good. Say it so unsure.

[00:59:44]>> You know. It's It's fine.

[00:59:47]>> fine. It's fine.

[00:59:48]>> we shouldn't say this out loud because this is listening to us. Oh, oh yeah, and that.

[00:59:52]>> thing is Well, this doesn't matter. But oh, [ __ ] The IRS doesn't watch Whiskey Ginger.

[00:59:56]>> Oh, [ __ ] I asked them not to, politely.

[00:59:59]>> [laughter] >> The CIA watches it, though. Yeah. Yeah, of course they do. [ __ ] Palantir's probably a [ __ ] sci-op'd ad.

[01:00:06]>> Hell yeah.

[01:00:08]This episode brought to you by Palantir and BlackRock. Mhm. And we have one more. Monsanto also sponsors this show.

[01:00:15]Mhm. Yeah. Monsanto don't worry about it.

[01:00:20]Monsanto Just eat it, will you?

[01:00:22]>> [laughter] >> Forget about it.

[01:00:24]>> Yeah, just forget about it.

[01:00:25]>> It's supposed to be that color.

[01:00:27]>> Monsanto, you already have microplastics in your body. Get over it. Who cares?

[01:00:32]>> Oh, that's like that that documentary I talk about to everybody. Have you seen The Devil The Devil We Know? Mhm. It's about how everybody on this earth has Teflon in their blood. And it dates all the way back to the Korean War. Really?

[01:00:43]Every human on planet earth has Teflon in their blood.

[01:00:45]>> Why? Because we use Teflon so freely.

[01:00:49]Uh >> Shout out DuPont's, Delaware. DuPont DuPont >> What's up? We use it so heavily, so freely, in so many products it cross-contaminated into almost everything and then it got in our bloodstream.

[01:00:59]>> Is it bad that it's in our blood?

[01:01:02]Yeah, no, it's good that Teflon's in our blood.

[01:01:04]>> Then that's great.

[01:01:06]>> [laughter] >> It's insane. It's like creepy. And they tested blood of people from all over the world and the only active person they could find without it at the time of the testing was pre-Korean War. Really? Yeah. So, what's the Teflon in our blood do?

[01:01:23]Well, it's probably slowly giving us all a certain kind of cancer. It's probably metastasizing something in your body.

[01:01:28]>> I had this ammo when I was with my ex and she came to my apartment was like, "I'm not drinking your tap water." I wish I was like, "Well, there's Teflon in your blood."

[01:01:36]Get over it, [ __ ] What are you talking about? Yeah, a little fluoride will help you.

[01:01:39]>> What? She didn't want tap She didn't drink tap water? No.

[01:01:42]>> That's crazy.

[01:01:42]>> I know. Tap water in New York? Yeah.

[01:01:45]It's like the cleanest tap water in the country. Don't they get rated every year like the highest tap water?

[01:01:50]She also didn't believe in medicine. Oh.

[01:01:52]>> So. Uh maybe she was a Scientologist. Uh no, just like a hippie. Hippie? Oh, hippies don't like medicine. That's so funny. Yeah. So, they get an infection when they're playing barefoot soccer, Bob Marley, and then what do you do? Bob Marley lived in Delaware. Also, that wasn't an infection being barefoot. That was actually the government that injected him with [laughter] that because he was actually bringing people together and that's not what they want.

[01:02:13]>> It's not [clears throat] what we want.

[01:02:14]It's not what I want.

[01:02:15]>> Mhm. Wait, uh the Teflon or Marley? No, look up the Teflon.

[01:02:20]>> Uh modern Teflon is PFOA-free.

[01:02:23]Historical or degradation-related exposure to PFA chemicals has been linked to increased cholesterol levels, liver damage, reduced immune response, and potential reproductive issues. It's not directly classified as a carcinogen. Uh some sites have associated it with uh cancer.

[01:02:36]Isn't that incredible that they're able to be like, "It's not a [ __ ] carcinogen."

[01:02:39]>> That This is We need Erin Brockovich.

[01:02:42]Where is she? Dude, I don't know, but let me tell you, Julia Roberts, hot. So beautiful.

[01:02:47]>> In everything. She's so good. She's great. She like doesn't miss.

[01:02:53]>> generational run of just incredible films one after another. Yes, she doesn't miss.

[01:02:58]>> Why is she not [snorts] celebrated more?

[01:03:00]I think she You know who doesn't get celebrated that I think should all the time? Tracey Ullman. Oh, so talented.

[01:03:06]>> Dude, incredible.

[01:03:08]>> talented.

[01:03:08]>> Amazing comedic actress.

[01:03:10]>> So talented. But I think also stays out of the public eye. Mhm.

[01:03:14]>> So, it's kind of that thing where like if you don't Well, LET'S [ __ ] FIND HER. She's right here. Trace! Trace! I think if you don't want them the noise, you stay away from it. And then people are like, "Where have you been?" It's like avoiding you and all this [ __ ] >> Duvall.

[01:03:28]Yeah. Ouch. Rick Moranis.

[01:03:31]Yeah. That one was Did I ever tell you my my thing about Rick Moranis? What?

[01:03:35]>> I don't know. Oh, dude, this was crazy.

[01:03:37]>> know him? No, this was nuts.

[01:03:39]>> out with Tracy? Rick! Rick, bring in Tracy!

[01:03:42]>> Almost 10 years ago I wrote this thing um called Where Are You, Rick Moranis? Cuz you know how he like disappeared off the face of the earth.

[01:03:49]>> Yeah. And I did all this research about it and I wanted to make a documentary about finding Rick Moranis because I like he was a just a huge piece of our childhood with Honey, I Shrunk and Ghostbusters. And so I wanted to like find him um and it's this is always happens in society is like it's drumming up without you even knowing cuz you know how he then he came back. He started playing music and doing shows in New York all over the place.

[01:04:12]Then he got hit in the face. Remember that? He got somebody punched him.

[01:04:15]>> outside. Somebody punched him.

[01:04:16]>> But prior to this he was kind of quiet and I was like, "I want to know why."

[01:04:19]And I Googled and found out all the stuff that when his wife passed away, he chose to kind of step back from the business. But at one point, Google this, was the highest grossing box office earner in the shortest amount of time of any actor. Like made more money in a short Little Giants. Little Giant the LG Put him over. No, but it was like the highest gross box office in a in a condensed amount of time or something like that. It was crazy. What? Cuz he was in Ghostbusters?

[01:04:48]>> and Honey, I Shrunk and >> the Kids earned 238 million. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids the series made between 130 million to 222 million. Flintstones 130 million. Ghostbusters 2 112 to 215 million. Wow. What year is this? What year? This is all just I mean Ghostbusters '84 going up to the early '90s. That's insane. With Honey, I Shrunk and Flintstones.

[01:05:08]>> Wow.

[01:05:09]$200 million in '94 is hilarious. It's a billion-dollar comedy movie.

[01:05:14]Yeah. [ __ ] crazy.

[01:05:16]But anyway, I I was doing this thing. I wanted to like shoot this doc about finding Rick Moranis. And I was cuz I was obsessed like this is such a great it's going to be amazing story of a guy who like comically influenced my life.

[01:05:26]So and then he came back on the scene. He like came back into the Hollywood world. He was like around again. People were talking to him. Like a groundhog, he came out, saw his shadow. Saw his shadow, dude.

[01:05:37]Six more years of Rick. Rick. And it kind of bummed me out cuz I really wanted to like do this comedy exploration. I was like that was my foray into being like I want to do a documentary.

[01:05:45]>> again. He's going to be in the new Spaceballs.

[01:05:48]>> No, he's going to be in the new Spaceballs. Yeah, he's acting again.

[01:05:50]>> But he hasn't he hasn't been in a film since the two Brother Bear movies.

[01:05:53]>> he wasn't in What movies? Disney the Brother Bear movies. He was a voice actor. I was surprised he wasn't in the Ghostbusters reboot at all. I was not surprised. A little sad. I could see him being like I don't want to do that. I did the original. I don't want to do that.

[01:06:09]It'd be hard to get you to go back to something cuz you did the the original was so good. You'd be like I don't know if I want to [ __ ] it up.

[01:06:15]>> who you remind me of in the best way?

[01:06:16]Bill Murray.

[01:06:18]Don't Yeah?

[01:06:19]>> get that?

[01:06:20]>> a good thing? He's my favorite person of all time.

[01:06:23]>> Love him. Cubs fan, Chicago.

[01:06:24]>> such an amazing comedic actor and just like his his sly, sarcastic, like he's just so great. You remind me a lot of him. I love you. He's the He's >> He's the king. He owns the He owns He owns the St. Paul Saints. He does own the St. Paul Saints.

[01:06:41]>> Really? What is that?

[01:06:43]>> Minor league baseball.

[01:06:43]>> Minor league. St. Paul, Minnesota. I love baseball. You hate baseball. I love baseball.

[01:06:48]>> You hate it.

[01:06:48]>> I have a Phillies tattoo on my shin. I know you do.

[01:06:51]>> So when people see it, I go this is a thing I hate.

[01:06:55]>> [laughter] >> I love dude, I only like baseball in the like 70s, 80s, and early 90s. I hate the steroid era. I don't like how sterile things are now. I love baseball with like Aussie Smith, Ryne Sandberg, hard slides, getting trucked at home.

[01:07:15]>> Andre Dawson. I love it. I love that kind of baseball. Old school. Old school baseball. That's what I like.

[01:07:22]Yeah, like you're not going to get that well, you're not going to get that ever again. In fact, you're not even going to get like cool young hot guys. You're not going to get like hot being like powerful. I mean, like Ken Griffey was like hot as a pistol and he was so cool.

[01:07:35]Yeah. Like you just that guy that Even the swings. Nobody has like a sweet swing now.

[01:07:41]>> Well, well, now it's all technical. That was back it was just like feel.

[01:07:45]That's >> That's what I liked about baseball.

[01:07:46]Hunches, feels, feelings. Oh, the guy's up there Superstitions. 300 pitches, but he's he's humming, so we're going to keep him in. I know. And now somebody gets they could they could be into the eighth inning on a shutout and they're like 78 pitches, we got to take him out.

[01:08:01]It's like it's so gross.

[01:08:02]>> Well, they do play too many [ __ ] games. I mean, that's a big part of it now. You're like, this is too many [ __ ] games at some point.

[01:08:06]>> Why? It's always been this way.

[01:08:08]>> No, I know it has, but it is too many games. It just is at some point. You're like, this is too many [ __ ] games.

[01:08:12]It's harder for them to care anymore.

[01:08:14]No. They're too young. It's too much money. They don't care. Then we'll take the money away. I agree. Put it into the community that the team is playing for.

[01:08:22]I This is where I This is where I think you could change the game for the better is you're like, take them take some of this [ __ ] money back. Yeah.

[01:08:27]>> Stop overpaying for this thing. Just take it away. Dude, there should be salary caps with all [ __ ] athletes and stadiums and all that money made after a certain point should go back to the community around it.

[01:08:36]>> How about this? Athletes only get they there's a cap Everyone gets paid the exact same. Yeah.

[01:08:41]>> Every athlete gets paid the same and they still have to have jobs in the off season.

[01:08:43]>> [laughter] >> Yes. Those were the good old days.

[01:08:45]>> to hang out with me sometimes cuz that'd be cool. They have to be a refrigerator salesman or whatever. Yeah. Like it's like what was what was it like Who was doing that? Who was selling fridges in the off season? Or selling What was he selling in the off season?

[01:08:59]It was like appliances. There was a famous baseball player that sold appliances in the off season. They're like, "What are you doing?" He's like, "Well, the [ __ ] Yankees don't pay me."

[01:09:05]Or was that just like that old baseball player that we now know has autism, but he was known for like chasing fire trucks in the middle of a game?

[01:09:14]>> [laughter] >> Like that kind of guy. Jackie Robinson?

[01:09:17]Jackie did?

[01:09:18]>> Worked at Sunset Appliances in Queens, New York following the uh oh, well, this is from the his 1949 NL MVP season, which I'm assuming is Negro Leagues. In the Negro Leagues, yeah, he I'm wearing a Negro Leagues hat right now, actually.

[01:09:31]>> Interesting. So, you think we should go back to segregation? [laughter] Oh, okay.

[01:09:37]>> [snorts] >> The water fountains were much better when [laughter] we Now, this is a Negro League hat? Oh, that's great. What team?

[01:09:43]>> Chicago American Giants. Nice.

[01:09:45]>> I I didn't even realize what I put on until we said that and I was like, "Oh, yeah, I think I have a Negro League hat on." Yeah, shout-out to And the logos are cooler back then.

[01:09:51]>> Way cooler, dude. Life was better when we were segregated, when we went to our own schools and and they couldn't come into our restaurants.

[01:09:59]>> My dad was alive. Life was so much [laughter] better.

[01:10:04]Life is good now. Life is great now.

[01:10:07]Um And and it, you know, heartache and pain exists.

[01:10:10]>> It's going to go away though, cuz you're going to find someone new and love.

[01:10:13]Please email right here is our email.

[01:10:14]Please email I want to be with Ian um at gmail.com and we're going to uh you have to make that now. You have to make I want to be with Ian at gmail.com. I love eating [ __ ] But, more than that, I love listening.

[01:10:28]While you're eating?

[01:10:30]>> [laughter] >> Uh I'll eat [ __ ] I go, "Hark." Hark.

[01:10:33]Go to I want to be with Ian at gmail.com. [laughter] No, yeah, we're doing it. No, I don't want to be in a relationship. I want to heal. I I need to be alone. Why not email it? Why not? I'll take a look.

[01:10:42]Send a pic. And go see him at uh ianfidance.com, I'm sure is your website. What are you a punch-up guy? Is it that Is it that thing? It redirects to punch up.

[01:10:50]>> Always does. I feel like it's just easier to say.

[01:10:51]>> one and the same. ianfidance.com. Go see him live, one of the funniest comedians I know, a good friend of mine. Um We end the show the same way. What? His website says well he's just an excitable boy. He is an excitable Warren Zevon.

[01:11:04]We've talked about Zevon, dude. What a great song. That book was so heartbreaking that his wife wrote though. Oh, yeah. It's beautiful but heartbreaking at the end. It really [ __ ] made me sad. I was like reading it in public and I was like I should read this at home.

[01:11:18]>> [laughter] >> You know you're like doing something in public you're like I should be private for that. This is sad. So I felt about Mötley Crüe's The Dirt.

[01:11:25]Sad. Come on. Sad. We end the show the same way. Looking at that camera say one word or one phrase.

[01:11:33]It'll all be all right in the end. If it's not all right, it's not the end.

[01:11:37]I shout out to my cats Samson and Glenn.

[01:11:39]If you guys are watching, I love you so much. They're not. In here we pour whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey.

[01:11:46]Whiskey. Whiskey.

[01:11:47]>> [music] >> Who's that creature in the ginger beer?

[01:11:50]Sturdy and ginger.

[01:11:52]The ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You just You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 [music] for the horse.

[01:11:59]Gingers oh hell no.

[01:12:00]>> This whiskey is excellent.

[01:12:03]Ginger. [music] I like gingers.