fighting tip, deconstructing, and mitochondrial eve

Hinzugefügt: 2026-05-27

[00:00:00]You know what's so crazy?

[00:00:01]>> Tell me.

[00:00:01]>> While our pee pee pees are hearing this?

[00:00:03]>> Yeah.

[00:00:03]>> We're on vacation.

[00:00:05]>> We're in Cancun freaks. But hello from the past.

[00:00:07]>> We're like soaking up the sun. We're tanner than we look right now.

[00:00:12]>> Vibing.

[00:00:14]>> Like how many margaritas deep do you think you are?

[00:00:17]>> We'll find out.

[00:00:27]>> Hello and welcome to Staying Up with Kim and Taran. I'm Cammy.

[00:00:30]>> And I'm Taran. And every night me and my baby get to sleep together cuz we're married. But every week we invite you to join us to our sleepover. So, thanks for staying up.

[00:00:37]>> Thanks for staying up.

[00:00:38]>> Hello pee pees.

[00:00:40]>> Hey peepee. As Miss Camden said, we are in Mexico.

[00:00:45]>> Yeah, we are baby.

[00:00:46]>> I don't know why I keep doing that.

[00:00:48]What?

[00:00:48]>> It's like my new weird thing. Like >> a lot of that.

[00:00:52]>> Mexico.

[00:00:54]>> Mexico.

[00:00:58]eco co.

[00:01:03]>> It must be that.

[00:01:04]>> Oh, hi Frank.

[00:01:06]>> Hi Franklin boy.

[00:01:07]>> Hey.

[00:01:08]>> Um, >> but isn't it crazy that like if something intense were to have happened in between the days that we film this and the days that this comes out when we're in Mexico?

[00:01:18]>> Yeah. They they wouldn't know.

[00:01:21]>> No, the world would know. We would be naively posting a podcast that >> if something in the world happens.

[00:01:27]>> Yeah. Like something big happens like if co came back like haunt virus vibes something like that.

[00:01:32]>> It's like lockdown and we're just like yeah >> we're like this one.

[00:01:37]>> Wait, that's scary.

[00:01:39]>> Well, that's why I like typically recording in real time. It just feels like >> it feels right.

[00:01:44]>> It feels fresh.

[00:01:45]>> It feels fur. Like I'm like I have some internet things to talk about and now I'm thinking like oh my god are you guys going to be like [ __ ] that was so last week and I'm going to be like I know I recorded it last week.

[00:01:55]>> Literally no because people go back and listen to our podcast.

[00:01:59]>> We match.

[00:02:01]I'm for the first time today realizing this.

[00:02:04]>> Ooh.

[00:02:06]>> That >> are you okay?

[00:02:08]>> No.

[00:02:09]>> My skin is crawling.

[00:02:10]>> Hates matching with me in a way that makes me think you just don't like to be like me.

[00:02:15]Not at all. I love like if someone's like, "Oh my god, you're being so much like Tan right now." That's such a compliment, but us dressing in the exact same colors. We look like we're at a work conference.

[00:02:25]>> It wasn't a compliment when Amy said it the other day.

[00:02:28]>> What?

[00:02:28]>> When Amy was saying, "Your wife doing this." And you were like, "See, you see what I deal with."

[00:02:33]>> She didn't say I was being like you.

[00:02:35]>> I know, but if she would have said that you were being like me in that moment, you would not have liked that.

[00:02:38]>> That was very specific context. Karen, as we know, does this thing where like she does something and then she needs the person she's with to do it back to her.

[00:02:49]>> The way you're saying needs because like >> it is a need. It's almost OCD.

[00:02:54]>> No, >> OCD counter already began. Don't say >> sorry.

[00:02:57]>> It's almost something.

[00:02:59]>> It It's It's something. That's >> I feel an urgent need for someone to like copy the thing that I just did.

[00:03:05]>> Yeah. She like cuz I think the the move you did or the way you said something it brought you joy >> and you're like I need you to feel what I just felt.

[00:03:13]>> 100%.

[00:03:14]>> It's also like a a community moment where I'm like we're doing something together. We're breaking the fourth wall. We're laughing. We're gabbing. I went I grabbed my pants and I went like kind of like Michael Jackson but like not.

[00:03:27]>> It was like its own thing.

[00:03:29]>> It was it and you do a body roll.

[00:03:30]>> Mostly inspired but it was definitely like a whole new thing. And you just do a body roll and you go pee do it. I swear.

[00:03:37]>> Yeah.

[00:03:37]>> Just brings a little smile.

[00:03:38]>> Yeah. But she was doing it and I was in the other room and I heard her asking Amy to do it and she's like why why do you need me to do that? Like she didn't she like hadn't really experienced that from you.

[00:03:51]>> And then she was like, "Why? Why'd you do it again?"

[00:03:53]>> Yeah. Cuz you cuz Taran won't stop doing the thing until you join in with her. It like it's going to repeat and I hate repetitive things.

[00:04:04]So she like she knows if she annoys me enough I will eventually just give in or if I'm like not into it I'll be like no >> I get scared and I stop.

[00:04:12]>> I get scared. But I heard Amy be like what? Why do I have to do that? Why? Why do you keep doing it? And I was like you see this is my dayto-day babe. She was like she just keeps doing the same thing and saying it over and over again and won't stop until I do it. And Kim's like literally my life.

[00:04:28]>> I'm like I don't even think about it anymore.

[00:04:30]>> But do it.

[00:04:32]See?

[00:04:33]>> Did you have fun?

[00:04:34]>> I did. It was enjoyable.

[00:04:36]>> I don't know why we got here.

[00:04:37]>> Um >> Oh, cuz we're matching. Oh, cuz we're [ __ ] matching.

[00:04:41]>> I think it's because like when we left the house, we left the house early this morning and um I we like I went to meet up with Taran after not seeing her for a minute and was like, "I didn't know you were wearing that sweatshirt." And I still hadn't computed that that meant we were wearing basically the same thing.

[00:04:58]So, I'm wearing this like halfzip gray hoodie. And what's really fun, we got it from Anthropology when we did this like event with them where we went to an Angel City game and you had to wear all Anthropology stuff. It was great. But >> when I wore this, you were like, "Oh my god, that's so cutie on you."

[00:05:19]>> Yeah.

[00:05:19]>> But in a way that like I can't tell if you actually think it's cute and neither can I.

[00:05:24]>> No. No. You look so cute. But you She has it >> fully well trenched buttoned to the top.

[00:05:30]>> She has it like zipped up and tied.

[00:05:33]>> Yeah.

[00:05:33]>> And I just And it also she's not normally in this. She's like, you know, she's normally in her like other zippies. Like this is a little >> It's like so not that different. It's like a zip-up too, but it's different.

[00:05:44]It's a little different than what you normally wear.

[00:05:46]>> But what I find funny is when I first wore it, you couldn't stop talking about it. Then I've worn it one time in between.

[00:05:52]>> It's really cute and it's really soft.

[00:05:53]that time that I wore it and this time and you acted the same way >> and then today you were like, "Is that new? When did you get that sweater?"

[00:06:00]Like, >> it also looks like the one jacket you had. I forget who got it for you, but you never wore it. You didn't like the fit of it or the feel or whatever, but then I wore it a few times and liked it and you're like, "Oh, just keep it." So, I think sometimes I think it's that and you had just cleaned out your closet and I'm like, "Oh, now that you got like a breast reduction, are you liking how it fits better?" I didn't realize that.

[00:06:21]>> This is all postp production. Yeah, but it's just funny that it's like zipped and tied that I was like, "Oh my god, >> and you did just look so cutie."

[00:06:28]>> Sometimes you just want to be zipped and tied >> and to jump into Yumi Wee.

[00:06:34]>> That didn't land anyway to you.

[00:06:35]>> Zipped and tied. It didn't really register.

[00:06:39]>> That's fine.

[00:06:39]>> Sometimes you just want to be zipped and tied. I get the tied part, but what what does that mean to you to be zipped?

[00:06:45]>> Like I'm thinking zip ties.

[00:06:47]>> Oh, sometimes you just want to be zipped ties. Sometimes you just want to be zip tad.

[00:06:53]>> Zip to tad. Um, anyh who, >> you were saying, >> uh, this segus us into Yumi wee because, >> oh, if you're also watching and you notice that my eyes, uh, twitching, it has been twitching for a full day.

[00:07:05]>> Don't comment. I haven't noticed it at all with anything. And I'm obviously not like worried about it, which is great.

[00:07:09]>> But I do.

[00:07:10]>> I didn't think about it at all. I didn't Google it. I didn't do anything.

[00:07:12]>> I did it.

[00:07:13]>> I'm proud of you.

[00:07:14]>> That's That's a [ __ ] massive win. And right now I'm on a crazy celebrate the winds train.

[00:07:20]>> Are you?

[00:07:21]>> Yeah. I'm just feeling happy.

[00:07:22]>> That's really cute.

[00:07:23]>> Um um >> to segue into Yumi Wei, I had such a nice morning because I had an appointment and there like wasn't a lot of parking. So Taran just dropped me off and then went to a coffee shop nearby and then I got out and walked over to her >> and I just from it was like a block away. This was not like a walk, but I got so much joy just walking in a city.

[00:07:50]Why? What is the science behind that?

[00:07:52]Like, why do you think walking out in a city brings so much joy? Like, it brings me more joy than if I would just go walk around our neighborhood.

[00:08:02]>> Oh my god, this is absolutely hilarious because I was going to bring this up later, but I'll bring it up now. Yeah, this is so funny.

[00:08:09]>> It's not the science behind it, but it's something similar.

[00:08:12]um Kurt Vonagget on telling his wife that he's going to go out to buy an envelope.

[00:08:19]>> Okay.

[00:08:20]>> He says, "Oh," she says, "Well, you're not a poor man, you know. Why don't you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet?" And so, I pretend not to hear her and go out to get an envelope because I'm going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope. I meet a lot of people and see some greatl looking babies and a fire engine goes by and I give them a thumbs up and I'll ask a woman what kind of dog that is and I don't know the moral of the story is we're here on earth to fart around and of course the computers will do us out of that and what the computer people don't realize or they don't care is that we're dancing animals. You know, we love to move around and it's like we're not supposed to dance anymore.

[00:09:02]>> Wait, I love fart around.

[00:09:04]I feel like I wrote that fart around piece. I feel like I edited it.

[00:09:09]>> I think that is it. I think that there is a moment of like anything can happen when you're walking around in a in a city or you're not in your car by yourself or like you know sometimes even a drive can feel that way. But >> just being in the world, it feels so nice. Like I guess yeah, it's less predictable than walking around the neighborhood. I I know like >> I'm not going to see that much. I'm going to see some neighbors out.

[00:09:36]But in the city, like there was I was waiting to cross the street and a lady was walking. She looked maybe like a nurse, I think her outfit was. And I was just like, "Oh, that's nice. She's like walking to work. Like maybe she lives nearby or maybe she parks nearby or maybe she's going to get a coffee before work." And then some other guy was walking and I was actually a little bit scared of him for a minute.

[00:10:05]But what a joy to feel that thrill.

[00:10:07]>> But it was thrilling. Yeah.

[00:10:09]>> I feel alive.

[00:10:09]>> But nothing happened. And I was farting around doot around town.

[00:10:15]>> Well, but I do think that a walking is good for you.

[00:10:20]>> Yeah, >> that's a given. And it makes you have endorphins and you feel happier. So, there's that. And happy people don't kill their husband.

[00:10:25]>> And happy people don't kill their husbands. Um, but secondly, I think we do a lot at home. We are not in the world that much. Like we are, but like we're also not, >> but I don't even get that same thrill from like if I go, let's say like work from a coffee shop for a little. If I just go there and park and go right in, it gives me a little thrill, but not to the same extent as even if I park a little farther away from the coffee shop and walk over to it.

[00:10:54]>> Something about like walking in like a little town. It doesn't even need to be like bustling. It can be calm, >> but just like it it has to not just have residential area. It's like shops, workplaces. I think it's like being around different energy >> and remembering like my point in bringing up that like we're home a lot is that like it's very easy to feel disengaged >> by society >> Yeah. with the world >> and like feel like our life is here.

[00:11:21]Everything we need is here. Our neighbors are here. Like even our little circle expands out and it's like people that live in our canyon are here and like it just feels very >> predictable and tightknit and like you didn't you didn't step out of your world at all.

[00:11:39]>> It's like not having to fire on any new levels. It made me think like I love when people have a newborn and they're like constantly taking the newborn for a walk. I don't know if there's I think there's probably science behind like fresh air for a baby. I don't know.

[00:11:52]People are always walking their babies, I've seen.

[00:11:56]>> Um, but it makes me feel like when we have a baby, I want to like get in the car and just take it not far, but like down the street to a little >> Get in the car, take it not far.

[00:12:06]>> And like, >> yeah, >> just get out and go walk around a block out in like one of the little towns near us, not just in the suburbs.

[00:12:16]>> Well, I just thought I was like, "Wow, this is so nice." And then I was already at the coffee shop and I was like, shoot, I want to keep walking.

[00:12:22]>> Well, that street specifically is so cute.

[00:12:25]>> It's so cute. But even the one day where we got massages a long time ago and you did a longer one than me, so I had like a half hour to kill after >> and I was just walking around there. It wasn't even like the best part of the neighborhood, >> but And it was late. Like not a lot was open, >> but it was It's just so much easier to walk. Like I could walk >> for 20 minutes and not even think about it.

[00:12:47]>> Yeah. way. It's like 20 minutes feels like five when I'm doing that and it feels like an hour when I'm doing it in just a neighborhood. I think there's just like not much to see. I'm like it's the same houses as I've seen a million times where even if it's the same street and the same shops and businesses, it's like the people are new, if it's open or not, is there an event at it.

[00:13:05]>> It like I think it's just more exciting for your brain.

[00:13:09]>> I mean, it definitely is.

[00:13:11]That's like taking a different way home or doing like a different drive or whatever like truly makes your time feel longer. It makes you feel more open and alive. It makes you notice things you haven't noticed before.

[00:13:22]>> Jed just posted this morning. Um Jediah Jenkins >> Britt is in this video with him. I think he's doing like a partnership with LLBAN.

[00:13:30]>> But the video is like >> he has a series that's like ways to get off your phone or to like to digital detox. Yeah. And he's like, "We do something called a block walk where you walk a block with a friend and you try to notice as much as you can for as long as you can."

[00:13:46]>> Yeah.

[00:13:46]>> And it's like them looking at like the sidewalk and being like, "I like that little crack." And whatever. It's like that.

[00:13:52]>> Just noticing things you would normally not.

[00:13:54]>> Yeah. It's cute.

[00:13:54]>> It's probably how the dogs feel when we bring them to a new area.

[00:13:57]>> 100%. They're like sniffing things.

[00:13:59]They're like, "Ah, >> okay. So, you're good because you went on a walk."

[00:14:03]>> Yeah. It's such a nice morning. And not just awok, >> a cityalk city walker girl.

[00:14:09]>> Um, how are you, love?

[00:14:11]>> I'm good this morning. Um, >> is it cuz we're matching?

[00:14:14]>> Personally, I'm loving that we're matching. And um, no, I'm good. I'm not working today. We have the day off. I have the day off. So, we have the day off.

[00:14:25]>> I got to work. But, yeah.

[00:14:26]>> Yeah. Um, and I'm just like I love looking forward to stuff and I'm looking forward to our little trippy with the fam.

[00:14:36]>> Me too.

[00:14:36]>> That we're currently on as you watch.

[00:14:38]>> Um, >> hope it's going well.

[00:14:40]>> I hope it's going well. The weather does be being crazy.

[00:14:43]>> Okay. It said no rain yesterday. Well, a couple days ago it was like rain started and it was supposed to be like Tuesday, Wednesday. Then yesterday it said no rain and now today it says rain every day. I'm like this is crazy. What's it going to be? Keeping us on our toes.

[00:14:58]>> The storms, baby. You never can predict them anymore.

[00:15:00]>> No, we went one year and it rained every day and it was like pretty atrocious >> because like this hotel that we go to is like we go to it out of nostalgia at this point, I think. Like it's like we're going, we're vibing. It's >> I mean, the activity is wake up, go outside.

[00:15:18]>> Yeah. read, listen to music, hang out, chat in the pool, go inside when the sun goes down, have dinner. Like, >> yeah, the room's not all that luxury.

[00:15:28]>> You're not like doing little things that you're there to be outside.

[00:15:31]>> You're there to be outside. So then when you're inside and you're just like looking at the outside the whole time, it's like >> it's like >> very sad.

[00:15:38]>> I think it's going to clear up. It's low odds of rain. So, >> how are we? Anything of note?

[00:15:43]>> We're great.

[00:15:44]>> We're doing nice.

[00:15:44]>> Loving you.

[00:15:46]>> Thanks.

[00:15:47]>> Yeah. What's your favorite thing about me right now?

[00:15:50]>> Not my sweater.

[00:15:51]>> My favorite thing about you right now is how positive you've been.

[00:15:56]>> Thank you for saying that.

[00:15:57]>> Yeah, it's been really nice.

[00:15:59]>> I wasn't expecting that.

[00:16:00]>> Really?

[00:16:01]>> Yeah. Cuz I feel like my positivity has been has been bothering me.

[00:16:04]>> I think we're just in different mindsets that it's like coming off as like because I'm not participating in it as much, but I'm really needing it from you. So, it's it's really nice. Yeah, >> that's my favorite thing at this specific moment.

[00:16:19]>> And that that's that's just us being still on the IVF slog. You know, it's a long process. Weird >> long slog.

[00:16:26]>> Weird long schllo >> ups and sorry >> ups and downs and chaos and >> twists and turns and >> um and I'm I'm playing a positive role.

[00:16:39]>> Yeah.

[00:16:39]>> Cam is, you know, going through it all all the time. So, it's harder to feel.

[00:16:46]>> Yeah. It's like I don't have the energy to always stay uber positive.

[00:16:51]>> But I appreciate you saying that because I do I didn't realize that that felt good to you and I feel like it would feel good to me if we were swapped. So, I'm glad that it feels nice.

[00:17:00]>> No, it feels nice. That's why this morning when you said something and I like >> was like, "Oh, can't think about that yet." And you're like, "Oh, well, okay."

[00:17:08]Like, I won't I won't say it out loud. I was like, "No, no, no. Please do." Yeah.

[00:17:11]Like I It's really a good reminder.

[00:17:14]>> You've been doing like I've been asking you the highlight of your day every night.

[00:17:18]>> Yeah. That's really helps when I'm like in a mental slump.

[00:17:21]>> Yeah.

[00:17:21]>> To be like >> even not even to like stay positive and think about good, but just to stay present. Like I can go >> kind of >> zombie mode. Like anytime we go through IVF, the hormones just like mess with me. So, it's just nice to be like, what did happen today? Who am I? Where am I?

[00:17:42]What am I? You know, >> a what are you?

[00:17:46]>> Yeah. What am I? You are a cute bean.

[00:17:49]>> Oh, bean.

[00:17:50]>> You're like in my head, you're like a little poppy seed.

[00:17:53]>> A little poppy seed. That's cute.

[00:17:56]>> I love that. Um, okay. You brought a lot to chat about today. Would you like to begin?

[00:18:02]>> Yes. I'm so ready. I have all kinds of notes. Um, okay. I want to get into something a little more long- winded first because I just learned something online that was so [ __ ] cool to me and then I looked into it. Okay, so mitochondria. We all know >> heard of her.

[00:18:22]>> What do you know about her? There's probably one thing you know about it.

[00:18:25]>> It's the powerhouse of the cell.

[00:18:27]>> Exactly. I was like, come on. I know it's in there.

[00:18:30]>> It's the powerhouse of the cell.

[00:18:32]>> Right. Right. Right. Um, so for since the dawn of time, I feel like there's been so much >> You've been around since the dawn of time.

[00:18:41]>> Yes.

[00:18:42]>> Super old. There's so much emphasis on passing a bloodline down from men, fathers to sons, like Game of Thrones, they all want to have a son. Yes.

[00:18:52]>> Pass things down to. However, the DNA in the mitochondria, mitochondrial DNA if you will, >> is passed down from the mother. So the egg, the there is a small mitochondrial DNA in both egg and sperm, but the egg kind of wins out whenever the embryo is formed. So the mom passes down those first blueprints of mitochondrial DNA and then you make your own. you're like constantly reproducing new mitochondrial DNA. But those blueprints are passed down from your mom and then let's say two parents, let's say they're hetereroouple for sake of the argument and they have a son and a daughter. The mom passes down her mitochondrial DNA to both of them. But then the son when he is a kid, his wife's mitochondrial DNA will pass down to their kids. So it kind of like dies out at him. Every single woman on earth ever can be traced back to one single woman, the mitochondrial Eve is what scientists call her from Africa. We like there is a direct lineage 100% from the mitochondria >> of this one lady >> of all women because it is this specific DNA blueprint that is passed down from mother to daughter to to granddaughter and so on and so forth. Wait, what happens to the man's bloodline?

[00:20:20]>> It's not the bloodline. The bloodline like that's separate. We take our DNA, our general DNA is >> is between your parents, right? So, there's DNA that get gets passed down, but it's going to get diluted at every point like you are that's why we're not there that's not incest all the time.

[00:20:38]Like we have different DNA from each other, right?

[00:20:40]>> There's enough separation. But the specific DNA that's in the mitochondria, it's a specific set of DNA that is just for this >> is only passed down from the mom and only to women.

[00:20:55]>> No, passed down to both. That's what I was saying. Like they the mom passes it down to the son and daughter.

[00:20:59]>> So then you said every woman is connected to Eve, this Eve creature.

[00:21:05]>> Yeah.

[00:21:06]>> But shouldn't it be everyone?

[00:21:09]Yeah, but well I guess yeah, technically it is like it's all it all traces back to this woman. However, it like it keeps separating with the men where like the women line is just clean always. But yeah, you're right. It is like you can trace every single mitochondrial DNA back to this one woman.

[00:21:27]>> So we all have the same bit of DNA, everybody.

[00:21:31]>> Mhm.

[00:21:32]>> From this one lady. Who's she?

[00:21:35]>> Mitochondrial ETH.

[00:21:36]>> Who is she?

[00:21:37]>> I don't know. They're just I >> You stopped there.

[00:21:40]>> No, no, no. There's no We don't know the first ever person on Earth, but we they like scientists have found that like populations or like humans originated in Africa. Like we all have been created from people in Africa and that's how it changed. But we don't know like we don't know that actual human. We can't actually trace back. But we know that it passed down from women and then they know that civilization started in Africa. So it's like then it has to be this a one woman in Africa.

[00:22:10]>> The mitochondrial Eve.

[00:22:13]>> Isn't that crazy?

[00:22:14]>> I got to look her up. That is crazy.

[00:22:15]>> I got to look her up.

[00:22:16]>> Who is Mito?

[00:22:17]>> I just thought that was so wild. There's like a little thread of DNA that passes >> from mom to child every time.

[00:22:26]>> That's so cool.

[00:22:27]>> I just think it's crazy that we are all connected.

[00:22:29]>> Yeah. by this one little like and it's not >> I want to see what it looks like.

[00:22:33]>> What?

[00:22:34]>> The mitochondrial DNA.

[00:22:35]>> Oh, I don't know. You know, um uh it says scientists actually traced it to one woman they nickname mitochondrial Eve who lived in Africa around 150 to 200,000 years ago. Every person alive carries a copy of her mitochondrial DNA.

[00:22:54]That is crazy, right?

[00:22:56]Um it's like and and it's not just random DNA. It is the power >> all humans living today >> inherited their mitoil DNA.

[00:23:08]>> Mhm.

[00:23:10]>> By tracing this backwards. Scientists found that everyone alive shares a common maternal ancestor.

[00:23:17]>> She's called Eve, but she's not the only woman alive at her time.

[00:23:22]Just the one whose maternal line never died out. Wait, I don't understand that.

[00:23:27]>> So, how did she beat out the other women?

[00:23:31]And then, like, where did they all come from?

[00:23:33]>> See, that's the thing. She's real.

[00:23:36]>> I don't.

[00:23:37]>> And one woman.

[00:23:38]>> But shouldn't they all have the same one? If they can trace it back to her, shouldn't they be able to trace it back to all the or you know what? Maybe they just can't get the DNA from How are they getting her DNA?

[00:23:52]Then there is the Y chromosomeal atom.

[00:23:55]the most recent man from whom all living men inherited their Y chromosome. Oh, >> those two individuals probably did not live at the same time.

[00:24:06]>> How does that make sense?

[00:24:07]>> Wait, how was she?

[00:24:08]>> Humans are crazy.

[00:24:09]>> Not the only woman.

[00:24:11]>> Yeah. What? They're all related to her.

[00:24:15]>> Yeah. How are wouldn't the other women also be connected to her? Or wouldn't there be someone even older than her connecting all the women alive? And shouldn't they all be the same? That's so confusing.

[00:24:26]>> It says this is the part that trips almost everyone up.

[00:24:29]>> Yeah, I'm tripped up.

[00:24:30]>> The key is we're not all descended only from her. We are all descended from her in one specific line. Mother, mother, mother, mother, mother. So imagine 10 women living 180,000 years ago. Woman A has daughters and sons.

[00:24:49]Woman B has daughters and sons. Woman C has only sons.

[00:24:55]Woman D has daughters, but eventually her descendants only produce sons. Woman E has daughters whose daughters keep having daughters all the way to till today.

[00:25:06]>> Yes.

[00:25:06]>> So all 10 women could have descendants alive right now. You might be genetically related to any of them.

[00:25:13]>> But mitochondrial DNA only follows this path. mom, maternal grandmother, maternal grandmother, etc. If somewhere along the chain there are only sons, that mitochondrial line ends because sons receive MT DNA but don't pass it on. So over thousands of generations, many maternal lines gradually disappear.

[00:25:33]Not because people died out completely, but because the particular motheraughter chain eventually stops.

[00:25:39]Yeah, but I'm just like I get that there were those 10 women and if only one of them continued that line, but wasn't someone above all of them to I don't know.

[00:25:50]>> It says you could still be related to Jane, Maria, Lucy, whoever through countless other family branches. Their genes may still absolutely be in you, but mitochondrial Eve is just the last woman whose unbroken mothertodaughter chain survived in everyone alive today.

[00:26:07]Yeah. I don't know. It's just wild. Like the way we're all interconnected is nuts.

[00:26:14]>> The weird mindbending part, you probably have millions or billions of ancestors from that era. Mitochondrial Eve is only one of them. She just won the very specific maternal chain lottery.

[00:26:25]>> Yeah.

[00:26:26]>> So, she's just like had good luck.

[00:26:28]>> Yeah. That's so always had daughters.

[00:26:30]Yeah.

[00:26:31]>> Someone in their line.

[00:26:32]>> So powerful.

[00:26:33]>> That's crazy.

[00:26:34]>> That's so crazy.

[00:26:35]>> Thanks for sharing that. Yeah. Okay. To lighten it up, I have some odd things that I have discovered this week.

[00:26:42]>> Oh my god. You discovered stuff like that no one else knows.

[00:26:46]>> No one has ever discovered this.

[00:26:48]>> On Tik Tok.

[00:26:50]>> Okay. Unique.

[00:26:52]>> Do you remember Girl Defined?

[00:26:54]>> Mhm.

[00:26:55]>> I love that we all are aware of this. If any of you are not, there were these two girls, Bethany and don't remember the other girl's name. It's irrelevant in the story, >> but they were basically like two Christian girlies >> talking about the Lord. They like were really focused on like purity culture.

[00:27:13]It was very intense.

[00:27:15]>> Very leave room for Jesus, unironically.

[00:27:17]But >> yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Only room for Jesus.

[00:27:19]Like there was no room for anything else in their lives. Um they both got married. We like if you watch their YouTube videos, it was like the journey of them finding partners. Both of their partners seemed very gay to me. It was >> Did you watch it?

[00:27:33]>> Um, only like Cody Co used to do I I had found it before he did reaction videos and would watch it as like this is so crazy and funny. Like I think it got picked up somehow on like >> for them it went to the wrong side of the internet.

[00:27:47]>> Um, and then Cody Co started doing those reaction videos to it and I would like stay caught up via that.

[00:27:52]>> Yeah. Um, but I don't know if you saw this. A couple years ago, Bethy's husband deconstructed. Is that what it's called?

[00:28:01]>> Yes, I did start to I heard that, but I didn't look into it.

[00:28:03]>> Yeah. So, he started to deconstruct and there was an interview or a episode of their show or whatever of all four of them and it was like so weird the three dynamic and then him being like not religious at all anymore. That's if for people that don't know that's deconstructing is like getting you're deconstructing your faith. It's what I did.

[00:28:22]>> Yeah. You're like, "Stop being religious." Um, and he even like made a comment about like how she slept with an atheist now. Like >> funny.

[00:28:32]>> Yeah, he is really funny. But apparently recently she has put out some content and I haven't gotten to watch it yet and I'm so excited to. But we think Bethany is also deconstructing.

[00:28:42]>> Hell yeah, girl.

[00:28:44]>> It's just so wild to see these people where it's like >> I mean it's good. She seems happy about it. So, it is exciting for her. Like, >> religion's different for everyone whether it makes you happier or like really ruins your life. And it kind of seemed like it was getting to a point where it just wasn't a positive experience for them, >> dude.

[00:29:03]>> Um, but I was just like, "Oh my god, Bethany, the girl to find."

[00:29:07]>> What did she put out? Did you watch any of it?

[00:29:10]>> No, I didn't get to watch it yet.

[00:29:11]There's just like a bunch of Well, I didn't have time yet before this.

[00:29:14]>> No, I'm saying we got to lock in.

[00:29:15]>> That's what I'm saying.

[00:29:16]to watch it. But she Yeah, I guess they haven't done Girl Defined in a year, over a year now.

[00:29:22]>> Oh, they stopped posting content.

[00:29:24]>> I didn't know that they did. I went to Cuz I saw a bunch of people talking about it on TikTok being like, >> "Oh my god, is Bethany from Girlde Defined Deconstructing?" And I don't think she says that yet, but it's like the way she's talking about it. I haven't found the original video yet.

[00:29:37]So, I just assumed it was like on Girl Defined. And I went and looked and they didn't have a video for a year. I was like, "What the heck?"

[00:29:43]>> Was it on Girl Defined? What? Their deconstructive video?

[00:29:47]>> No, that's what I'm saying. They haven't posted in a year.

[00:29:49]>> Oh. Oh, I thought this was their first video back.

[00:29:51]>> No, they haven't posted in a year. So, I don't I don't know. That's what I'm saying. I haven't found the video.

[00:29:55]>> The Lord.

[00:29:56]>> I'm like, are these just rumors? I need to find it because >> unlock your iPhone first.

[00:30:01]>> Oh, before I call upon the Lord.

[00:30:03]>> Um, >> wait, that's so funny. You know what's funny about all that is that like >> I wish I was like actively using social media more during those days in my life because it would have been really cool to have >> what would you have been posting >> can you believe babe imagine >> imagine me in high school reading my Bible every morning for an hour >> yeah it literally you like >> talking about what passages really spoke to you and like it'd be similar to >> what you do now and how you talk about things that have meaning, but it would all be like Bible rooted >> 100%.

[00:30:38]>> Wow.

[00:30:39]>> It's so crazy. But it's really funny cuz now I see all these clips of these like kids in their in college or like right after college and they're married couples that don't live together yet or they don't >> Yeah.

[00:30:52]>> They haven't had sex or whatever and they're like, "I'm just so nervous for our first time having sex." Like, and watching the videos now, you're like, "Girl, so not that serious." Like I get sex is serious, but I'm saying in general like the things that we used to freak out about because we're religious seem so silly now.

[00:31:06]>> Yeah.

[00:31:07]>> But if my ex and I from college, who was a man, >> had a podcast.

[00:31:12]>> No.

[00:31:12]>> Oh my god. We would have been like we were grinding on the couch >> with our clothes on for too long.

[00:31:19]>> You would have been like Maddie.

[00:31:20]>> Literally.

[00:31:21]>> Oh my god. That's insane.

[00:31:24]>> You would have hated you.

[00:31:26]>> Hated me. You would have hated me.

[00:31:31]>> I don't think I would have hated you, but I would have not liked that part. I would definitely hate watch you. I definitely hate watch.

[00:31:38]>> I definitely hate watch.

[00:31:39]>> No, I definitely put you over my butt and hate watch you.

[00:31:43]>> Yeah. So crazy.

[00:31:44]>> It's so crazy. Okay, the next wild thing that's happening on the internet is that Huda from Love Island, >> guys, >> released a single. And I just one, it's bad. Objectively bad. Two, I just don't understand the like cult following that this girl has. Her behavior on the show was diabolical. Her behavior after the show, have you guys not seen the text she sent to her?

[00:32:16]boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, I don't know if they're together, and showed up at like his baby mama's house, like she is so so deeply not okay and like does not need support in continuing acting the way she's acting. But if you actually do are you're a fan of her and you enjoy her, you should be like encouraging her to seek therapy because she's so unwell.

[00:32:40]The way in the text she says she swears on her daughter that she's going to end her life. That is >> if if the guy doesn't open the door and come get her.

[00:32:50]>> It's like >> it's like [ __ ] freak. So >> it's so wrong on so many levels. It's like obviously she didn't do that. So she was like lying for attention which lying about taking your life is so >> freaking loser >> [ __ ] up. And then to bring your daughter into it. I'm like what is wrong with you? And why does she have so many young girls and not even that young?

[00:33:12]>> No. You know, it's dark, babe.

[00:33:14]>> Caring about her >> is I just like went to her Instagram and saw the mutuals that we I have with her.

[00:33:21]That's a shock.

[00:33:22]>> Well, I think a lot of people followed during Love Island.

[00:33:25]>> You've got to stop.

[00:33:27]>> Yeah. I think a lot of people just like don't unfollow.

[00:33:29]>> So, I don't know that they're all like supporting her.

[00:33:33]>> I mean, like I follow Trump on X or something. I followed him on something, but it's but that's because I want news from the president, which is different.

[00:33:43]>> I'm like, I can't get away from him. I'm not following him on anything.

[00:33:47]>> See that there's like Yeah, >> if people followed or follow Trump online, I I sometimes give it a pass because I'm like, okay, that is the president. It is good to stay up on the unhinged [ __ ] he is saying to be aware of what's going on. But then if you're like deep cut following people who are just like political commentators who are just [ __ ] up, then I'm like, "What are you doing? Why are you following this person?" And I feel like, yeah, Huda is kind of that where it's like it's so specific.

[00:34:18]But she has like such a massive following of people who genuinely like her. Like some of the comments are like, "Oh, the Huda haters are going to hate this." And it's like, I don't hate her.

[00:34:28]I just think she's a horrific role model for people. and genuinely needs help.

[00:34:33]>> Well, she was awful on Love on Love Island. She I mean, >> like, oh, she like stands up.

[00:34:38]>> So, I'm looking at her lyrics for her new song called >> Oh, Bad Girls.

[00:34:42]>> She allegedly wrote it.

[00:34:43]>> Well, which you will not be surprised.

[00:34:46]>> Didn't know that bad girls talk. Guess that being bad going cost. Sorry if I pissed you off being everything you want. Say it without saying nothing.

[00:34:57]Heels click. Yeah, I'm stunting. Stay pressed. Yeah, they want me. Act mad.

[00:35:04]Still they watching.

[00:35:05]>> Somebody said online like she's just saying a bunch of popular phrases and she really is.

[00:35:10]>> Got that walk. Got that talk. Got that boss. Got that sauce. Got that drip. Got that drip. Got that uh got that too fly too high. Pressure apply. I'm too fly.

[00:35:24]I'm too high. That pressure I apply.

[00:35:27]Like I >> And now the chorus.

[00:35:28]>> Oh god. God.

[00:35:30]>> With my high heels on and my hair real long. Yeah. Their eyes stay drawn cuz that face card strong.

[00:35:37]>> Oh.

[00:35:38]>> With my high heels on and my hair real long.

[00:35:41]>> Babe, you just said that.

[00:35:42]>> That's twice.

[00:35:42]>> I know.

[00:35:44]>> I did. Oh, I don't know that it's going to be the same. Sorry. I didn't think the course was just the same five words over and over again.

[00:35:49]>> Yep. It's just like I don't need pop music to be the most incredible lyrics in the world. like I can get down with just a fun beat. But she's not saying anything. She's just like shouting face.

[00:36:02]>> She does say this. All my bad girls in this bad world, I know that you are that. You got it. Baddest all in this bad world. You know that you bad. You know that you a bad girl. I know that you're bad. We know that you're a bad girl. That's so poetic.

[00:36:20]>> Bad girl. You're a bad girl. I'm a bad girl.

[00:36:25]Oh wow.

[00:36:25]>> Oh god. I'm like >> she could sing and people are like please release music. This is not what they meant.

[00:36:31]>> Guys, this ain't right.

[00:36:34]>> Okay. Next up in unhinged things happening on the internet this week.

[00:36:37]>> Tell me love. Tell me.

[00:36:38]>> Hunter Biden was on Candace Owens podcast.

[00:36:42]>> We'll be watching.

[00:36:43]>> What the?

[00:36:44]>> Immediately the second we're done here.

[00:36:46]>> I can't decide if the world is healing or crumbling. Part of me feels like things have gotten and I've been saying this for a while where I feel like things have to get so bad to make everyone kind of come together.

[00:37:00]>> Yeah.

[00:37:00]>> Is this a sign of that that we are having such far opposite polar ends of the spectrum and like but like they're so far on the opposite ends they like >> what do they talk about? I haven't watched it yet. When did it happen?

[00:37:14]>> I think like a day or so or so ago.

[00:37:17]I did see like >> Hunter was saying like he respects Candice and like he is just shocked that >> I think everyone thought whenever um um I don't want to call him what's his face but what's his face passed >> Charlie Ker >> thank you I forgot his name um when he passed like oh my god he has everyone behind him he has a president behind him he has Vance behind him like he has the head of the FBI behind like he everyone in his corner that he is friends with that there's no way they're not going to like properly solve this and put so much attention into it. So whenever no one seemed to really care to like get down to the nitty-gritty of what the [ __ ] happened and like so many questions are left unknown that he was just like that's so [ __ ] up and like Candace getting ripped for wanting to solve her friend's murder is like getting torn down and they were both kind of like it's at this point just like good verse evil not like right verse left.

[00:38:17]>> Yes. Uh, the interview was filmed at Miss Owens home in Nashville, >> released yesterday, Thursday.

[00:38:23]>> Miss Owens.

[00:38:24]>> Um, and there were top five things learned, five memorable moments.

[00:38:31]>> Okay.

[00:38:31]>> Mr. Biden said cocaine found in Mr. Mr. Biden. First of all, >> it sounds like they're talking about like it's hilarious.

[00:38:38]>> President Biden.

[00:38:39]>> Papa Biden. Yeah.

[00:38:40]>> Mr. Biden said cocaine found in the Biden White House was not his.

[00:38:44]>> Whose was it, baby?

[00:38:46]Whose was it? would not have quote forgotten it in a cubby to go into the situation room.

[00:38:51]>> He's like, I would have used it. I was not leaving cocaine up for grabs.

[00:38:57]>> I would never have put it there >> in a cubby. Oh, come on. Miss Owens apologized for past comments about him.

[00:39:04]She said that she felt terrible.

[00:39:06]>> Genuinely, I am so sorry.

[00:39:08]>> Oh, >> she said that she felt gas lit by an open letter that suggested blah blah blah. Okay, there's that. Next up, the third thing, um, they discussed shared histories of addiction in their families. She said, "I grew up with tons of addicts in my family." She said she felt guilty that she had attacked Mr. Biden over this with his past.

[00:39:26]>> Wow.

[00:39:27]>> She said, "I just didn't even consider it. I just didn't even consider he's a crackhead." She said, "That's actually a very relatable thing."

[00:39:37]>> Sorry, that's crazy. Can't wait to watch.

[00:39:41]>> He's like, "Yes." Fourth on this list, Miss Owens said Miss Owens >> I know. Stop saying it. Just say Candace.

[00:39:47]>> Miss Owens said she was touched by Mr. Biden's defense of his father.

[00:39:52]>> Okay.

[00:39:52]>> Crazy that Candace Owens is saying that.

[00:39:55]>> I'm like I need to hear it from the horse's mouth.

[00:39:58]>> And finally, Mr. Biden suggested that he and Miss Owens go to the Vatican together.

[00:40:05]>> What world are we living in? The most unlikely duo is going to skip to the Vatican together. What? What it said?

[00:40:12]Miss Owens and Mr. Biden seemed to bond during their conversation. Your audience absolutely trusts you. An emotional Mr. Biden said, "And the reason that they trust you is because you've grown an enormous amount of courage on speaking your mind." After Miss Owens asked Mr. Biden about his Catholic face faith >> face his Catholic face.

[00:40:30]>> He suggested that they go to the Vatican together. She She said, "You should go to confession." He said, "Don't worry.

[00:40:38]>> You should go. I've been to Confession.

[00:40:41]>> Oh my god.

[00:40:42]>> Wow.

[00:40:42]>> I This is has to be the most unhinged thing ever. I cannot wait to watch it.

[00:40:46]>> I can't wait. The Hollywood Reporter headline says how Hunter Biden ended up in Candace Owen's home.

[00:40:55]>> Them trying to find some like >> Well, also it says home studio, but I changed it just to home. I think that's >> You should have They should have said that.

[00:41:01]>> They should have. Boo. Hollywood.

[00:41:03]>> Well, anyways.

[00:41:05]>> Wow. Crazy. I can't believe you didn't know that yet. Um, I have something to share.

[00:41:09]>> Wait, my last thing off the internet.

[00:41:11]>> Tell me.

[00:41:12]>> Kylie Jenner called Timothy Shalomé daddy. And I'm so uncomfortable by that.

[00:41:17]>> Where and how?

[00:41:18]>> She commented on I think the Daily Mail or somebody posted something on Instagram of him and she commented daddy.

[00:41:24]>> What if her kid commented, >> "Daddy, >> hear me out."

[00:41:31]>> No.

[00:41:32]>> Little Stormmy got her hands on the text.

[00:41:34]>> No, that was her going >> daddy. Da shame.

[00:41:38]Daddy Shalley.

[00:41:39]>> Daddy Shalley. Wow. Okay. I mean, that doesn't bother me. Honestly, it doesn't.

[00:41:43]>> He is not. He does not give daddy energy.

[00:41:46]>> They don't make sense together, so I don't care.

[00:41:48]>> They make sense to me. I just am like, >> let her call him daddy.

[00:41:53]>> No. Behind closed doors, I don't want to see it.

[00:41:56]>> You know how fun it is probably for a celebrity to just get to say a thing and be like, I don't care.

[00:42:01]>> Daddy.

[00:42:01]>> Daddy.

[00:42:02]>> I hate it.

[00:42:03]>> Like, if we were famous, I would do that.

[00:42:05]>> Of course. I hate other people daddy.

[00:42:08]>> Yeah. And everyone's allowed to hate it cuz it's disgusting.

[00:42:11]>> And I don't care.

[00:42:12]>> Yeah. I don't think she should care.

[00:42:13]She's never going to hear this.

[00:42:15]>> Kylie, >> sorry for sorry for so rudely saying >> daddy boo.

[00:42:20]>> Mommy. Yeah.

[00:42:22]>> Um, okay. Thank you for doing all your incredible internet research. I loved this.

[00:42:26]>> Oh, it was my pleasure.

[00:42:28]>> Um, I have something that will make our relationship better.

[00:42:32]>> Tell me. Tell me. So, I have an app called Readwise that pulls all of my highlights from books that I've read, and then you get to decide if you want to keep them or let go of them, and it just helps you remember the things that you've read.

[00:42:44]>> Love that.

[00:42:44]>> I saw a highlight today from a book called Magic Words, which is like about the power of using certain phrasing. Um, and the quote said, "The more something or someone disagrees with them, the less likely they are to listen."

[00:43:01]Okay.

[00:43:03]Okay. Why? Why are you laughing first?

[00:43:05]>> Cuz you hate when I do that >> when I'm like >> hysterically. You did this in the kitchen >> right after I wrote this. And that's why I was like silent.

[00:43:15]>> Okay. The other piece says, "Expressing doubt about one's own view. Acknowledges that conflicting beliefs are valid, making the other side feel validated and more willing to listen."

[00:43:26]>> What if it's not a belief? It's just like a fact that you need to know about.

[00:43:30]So, I'm going to get into that.

[00:43:32]>> How do we share that?

[00:43:33]>> I genuinely thought something about IVF and I knew an answer.

[00:43:39]>> I genuinely thought something about what our doctor said.

[00:43:42]>> Okay.

[00:43:43]>> Which that's all I kept saying.

[00:43:44]>> Okay.

[00:43:45]>> You kept saying no.

[00:43:50]>> Yeah.

[00:43:50]>> And I did research.

[00:43:52]>> Well, I'm like I so know this fact so deeply by what friends have said. But I had just read this, so I put all of this into I tried and I said, "Well, I could have been remembering it wrong," which is a tip that they tell you to use.

[00:44:06]>> But that was >> You hate saying that, too.

[00:44:08]>> I was like, "But that was my recollection of what happened." Like, I'm pretty sure that that's what she said. And you said, "No, >> cuz I'm so confident. I'm so confident that."

[00:44:16]>> But let me read to you and talk about what how we could get better at this together. This is not just a you thing.

[00:44:20]This is both of us, okay? Because we both do this. I started thinking I read those quotes and started thinking specifically about how that applies to when both of us swear by different facts of a memory.

[00:44:32]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:44:32]>> Where there's no way to know what actually happened >> and we're just it's like a full stalemate to be like no I know that this happened and you're like I know that this happened. It's like well >> it's a she said she said >> you're not going to change my mind cuz I feel so confident and vice versa.

[00:44:44]>> So in classic situations we are both right and both wrong.

[00:44:51]>> Yeah. Your memory isn't a recording. It is a story that you keep rewriting.

[00:44:56]>> It's funny because we both also have horrible memories.

[00:44:59]>> Every which not when we're fighting suddenly. Uh-uh. I see it. I know exactly what happened 100% exactly your inflection. And I'm going to show it to you right now.

[00:45:10]>> So, every time you recall something, your brain reconstructs it based on your current mood, what you need to be true.

[00:45:18]>> Yeah. and how many times you've already told yourself that version.

[00:45:21]>> Yeah, we have so many filters changing.

[00:45:24]>> So, by the time that you're fighting about what happened at dinner last night, you're not two people going over the same footage. You're two people who have each edited your own version.

[00:45:34]>> And not on purpose, it's just like how our brains work.

[00:45:37]>> And that made me think of like >> it's basically like reality TV edits where it's like it's kind of true, but it's embellished in some way. The producers are pushing it in some way to make it Yeah, it can be accurate, but it's missing so much context.

[00:45:51]>> So when So when you say, "Here's what happened. I'm positive."

[00:45:56]>> Mhm.

[00:45:57]>> That will almost always backfire.

[00:46:00]>> Yeah. Cuz it's just flat out saying, "Well, if I'm 100% sure, then I know you're 100% wrong."

[00:46:05]>> And when your partner feels like you're building a case against them, their nervous system will automatically read it as a threat instead of a conversation.

[00:46:12]>> Oh, wow. Yeah.

[00:46:13]>> The more certain that you sound, the faster their defenses go up.

[00:46:17]>> Yep.

[00:46:18]Research shows that expressing doubt actually makes you more persuasive, not less, because it signals that you're not their opponent.

[00:46:24]>> Yeah.

[00:46:25]>> So, the reframe should be like being certain about what actually happened isn't a strength. It's usually just confirmation bias being confident.

[00:46:36]>> We remember the version that makes us the more reasonable one.

[00:46:39]>> Yes.

[00:46:40]>> Which is unfortunate that we all do that, but like >> we all do that. It really makes things hard. Yeah. And I think like what makes this hard is you want to be like, "No, I'm confident." Like I don't want to be doubtful because I want you to see how positive I am.

[00:46:55]>> But given >> Yeah. You don't want to lie and just be like, "Oh, okay. Yeah, maybe." When it's like, "But that's not how I feel." But it's like, >> but we have to know that that's real.

[00:47:04]That maybe is real.

[00:47:05]>> Yeah. Exactly. Like maybe, maybe not.

[00:47:08]>> Given how memory actually works, >> that is always the most accurate position is to say, "I'm not 100% sure."

[00:47:15]>> Yeah. And you don't need to then go but I'm 99% sure. Like you don't need to do that. You can just be like my recollection. So it says what to try instead.

[00:47:23]>> I remember it this way instead of >> that's what happened.

[00:47:27]>> Yes.

[00:47:28]>> I might be off but something's been sitting with me. So like before you say like are you acting you're acting weird to me. Yeah.

[00:47:34]>> You're whatever. You can be like >> less definite.

[00:47:36]>> I could be reading this wrong.

[00:47:38]>> Yeah.

[00:47:39]>> Something like that.

[00:47:40]>> Yeah. I like that.

[00:47:42]>> They said framing it as a question is a really interesting way. So instead of like saying that's what happened, you could say like do you think that that's >> do you think that's what happened or do you think I'm reading it wrong?

[00:47:54]>> Okay.

[00:47:55]>> Something that's like what do you think happened?

[00:47:56]>> I like that >> a little more open. And then name your own stake. So like I know I have a thing about this so factor that in. I know I'm biased >> so factor that in while I'm saying my experience of the situation.

[00:48:09]>> Yeah. because just like adding the self-awareness into the conversation >> because we both were there. Yeah.

[00:48:15]>> We're both convinced that we're right >> and we're both telling the truth. It's just different versions of the same moment.

[00:48:22]>> So, the goal isn't winning the memory.

[00:48:24]It's to have a productive conversation and come on the other side together.

[00:48:28]>> Yeah.

[00:48:28]>> Come on. It's gross. But come out the other side together. Um, and it was hilarious because I had just put this in and then we go walk into the kitchen and you're like, I'm positive you're wrong.

[00:48:41]>> I was like, no, that's not even a question.

[00:48:44]>> You're like, no. And I hate when Cam says no to me intensely.

[00:48:48]>> And you you like, no.

[00:48:49]>> I was like, I'm not even going to humor this because it's so I know for sure.

[00:48:54]>> And I'm standing in this in the sink.

[00:48:56]Not in the sink, but I'm standing at the sink and I'm like washing out my little glass and I'm like, "This is going to be funny in 10 minutes. This is going to be funny in 10 minutes."

[00:49:05]>> That's so >> How does that all read for you?

[00:49:07]>> No, I love that. And I think >> obviously that is accurate. It is so pointless to fight over a memory. It gets you nowhere. And I think sometimes when we get in that I'm like I do get to the point where I'm like, "Are you just not admitting something?" Like, "Do you fully remember that you did say it that way?" And you're just like, wanting to act like it didn't happen cuz I'm like that's how clear it feels in my mind of like >> you spoke in this certain way and now instead of just being like you just don't want to say sorry for it so you're just claiming that it didn't happen like that I like that's how I get like panicked in that moment where I'm like there's no way she doesn't realize that she did this >> and I feel >> there's no way >> the exact same way which is hilarious because we're both battling for completely different things but about the same moment >> and like you're making me sound harsher than I sounded and I'm making myself sound nicer than I sounded or the other way around, you know?

[00:50:03]>> It's just so pointless though. It gets you nowhere to like back up and just focus on the thing and the feeling and then that way it like lends itself for someone to be like, "Oh my gosh, I so didn't intend for it to sound that way."

[00:50:16]So if it was received that way, I'm so sorry. But there's nothing more behind it or there was it's just way quicker to end it because whenever you just start fighting over the memory, now you're fighting over a whole new thing. And in any argument, when you start fighting over a new thing or like fighting over how you're fighting, >> you already lost.

[00:50:34]>> Then you're like, "Oh god, now we just like blew this up when it could have been >> 100%."

[00:50:38]>> Put out so quick. You like lit the fire so big. I was like manifesting when I was washing out my cup that you would just say like that you would just go, "Oh, maybe I remembered it wrong. I'll look into it." What's so funny is while we were there, I was almost like, "Oh, let's just email the doctor." Or like, "Oh, let's just like let's look it up then." And I was just like, "No." Okay.

[00:51:01]Well, now you will.

[00:51:04]>> Hopefully. Fingers crossed.

[00:51:05]>> Well, I also just like all the hormones I've had like no patients. So, I'm just like all too well.

[00:51:12]>> Yeah. I'm like, well, watch yourself.

[00:51:13]But I'm just like I don't It's like I all these little moments where it's like these decisions to do better. I just have such a low bandwidth for it.

[00:51:22]>> It's like so hard.

[00:51:23]>> I hear that.

[00:51:24]>> Yeah. Should we move on to um a listener's story?

[00:51:28]>> Sure.

[00:51:28]>> Sto.

[00:51:32]All right. Oh, also on the Instagram, I'm going to start posting if like a story is easy to summarize. I'm going to start posting them on our Instagram so that pee pees can weigh in and give their feedback.

[00:51:41]>> Yeah, cuz it's so nice to be able to get more advice from people who might relate more just different perspectives than >> just us. Okay, this is a pee pee who is trying to decide if they leave the church, which is very fitting for today.

[00:51:56]>> Yes, but tell me more.

[00:51:57]>> Hey Cammy and Taran, I'm 22. It's a girl to find.

[00:52:01]>> Bethany.

[00:52:02]>> Hey Cammy and Taran. It's Bethany.

[00:52:04]>> Hey Cam and Taran. It's Bethy.

[00:52:07]>> I'm 22 years old and just graduated college in the deep south. I came across a clip of Taran's coming out story a few months ago and I've been a PP ever since. I've never related so much to a story that's not my own. I'm what some people would call a really devoted Christian. 100% of my friends and community are people I go to church with. My senior year of high school, I had a secret girlfriend. But after a year of living an exhausting double life, I came out to all of my church friends in a weird way with a bunch of Christian language like confession and struggling with my sexuality.

[00:52:38]>> Been there, babe.

[00:52:38]>> I broke up with her in a pretty shitty way, which I've had a lot of guilt about since. And became an exgay Christian.

[00:52:45]You can roll your eyes. I know firsthand how harmful that movement is. Lol. My parents are also super liberal, so I've never been fully honest with them about being a Christian to this extent. Or >> so relatable.

[00:52:57]>> Me both, babe.

[00:52:59]>> Or the ex-gay thing. So, I relate to that part of your story, Taran.

[00:53:02]>> Oh, I know I need to leave. Everything I think and feel about being gay contradicts what my church teaches. And I tend to think that God will love me either way. But I don't really know how to move on. I guess I'm coming to terms with coming out and fully accepting myself, which would probably mean leaving everything I've known for so long behind. Also, I was planning on moving away after college to get a fresh start, but I got a PhD offer that is hard to refuse that would keep me here for 4 to 5 years, so not sure what to do about that. Would love any advice or encouragement on or off the pod. Love you guys. Thank you for sharing so much of your lives. The last few months since finding your pod have felt a little less alone.

[00:53:38]>> That is awesome. This is all you.

[00:53:41]>> Thank you.

[00:53:42]>> Do you feel like you wrote this in from the past?

[00:53:45]>> Girl, I'm so with you. I didn't get a PhD offer, but the rest an understanding.

[00:53:50]Um, oh, what a time. So heavy to have to like feel like you have to lose your community or accept yourself.

[00:54:01]I am just going to speak from the heart and also from a place of I'm so far from that experience now.

[00:54:11]>> So, it's going to sound so much easier than it was. So, I hope that you understand that when you hear this, but >> um >> you know that you're gay and >> if you care to stay religious in some way, shape or form, there are many gay Christians. There are many lesbian Christians. There are so many ways to do it.

[00:54:35]>> You just have to find a community that is okay with that and you and loves you and cherishes you and does all the things. And there are people like that everywhere in the world.

[00:54:45]>> My experience was that the second that I opened the box, there was no closing it.

[00:54:53]>> Everything in my religion fell apart because what I realized that I loved about it was the community, was the ritual, was the things. And then all of the beliefs that I had about Jesus that I overlooked, even though I thought they were weird, all were like, well, this is a strange thing to keep holding when like I've lost all the things that I really came here for without really knowing it, but I know that now.

[00:55:18]>> Um, and now I'm going to act like he was birthed from a virgin and I'm going to >> You're like, I can't subscribe to these.

[00:55:27]>> I'm going to act like the serpent makes sense and all. It's just like, this is crazy. I'm not going to do that.

[00:55:32]>> Yeah.

[00:55:32]>> So, for me, I wasn't able to hold two things.

[00:55:35]>> Yeah.

[00:55:36]>> Which if you want to do that, you are going to need to find an affirming community that helps you reframe that this is not sinful.

[00:55:48]>> Because if you don't and you just try to keep being with the friends that you have, I don't know how they reacted to you, but like if you come out, I'm so jumbled. Let me just stop and start by saying you will be surprised by how people take your news of being gay >> once you are proud of it.

[00:56:11]>> When we came out, and I say we because it was me and my girlfriend at the time, we were both Christian. We had all the same friends, all the same world, the church, everything.

[00:56:18]>> We came out in a way like that where it was like, "We're so sorry. We're committing sin. We're working on it.

[00:56:24]Like, help us get through this. help us ch get out of each other's lives and how do we see each other as sisters again and like all >> like a joyous like we're in love and this is so beautiful. It was >> it was a total sinning together fix it.

[00:56:38]>> And so your friends at the time are also Christian and are also trying to take what you're saying at face value which is that you are coming to them with something that you quote unquote don't want and that you want to rid yourself of and all these things. So they're going to respond in that way.

[00:56:56]They're going to be like >> trying to be supportive quote unquote in a sense.

[00:57:00]>> You feel compelled to call this sin. So I'm going to hear and trust that that is what God's making you feel because we all believe the same God. All whatever.

[00:57:09]>> So I'm going to affirm that and I'm going to help you get past this.

[00:57:13]>> You can then go back to those same people and say >> it wasn't that. I'm learning now that it I don't actually think it's sin and I want to live a life with a woman and I all these things. I was shocked by how many people were like I know and I agree and I have been trying to figure out how to work this out too >> because that happened with 60% of my best friends.

[00:57:40]>> Yeah. the peripherals, those people, they're who [ __ ] knows. Like all the people you run into at church and all the people that you see at youth group and all the things like you can't ever know how they're going to react. But I will say so many people have come around in my adulthood and DM'd me and messaged me and been like, "Sorry for how I acted." Like my life has completely changed from how we talked at like age 20 to 25. Like we're all still learning how to fold our laundry and not be with our parents. Like it's okay to not have the answers to the entire world. I feel like for those people who have never had a second thought about their sexuality, they've never been faced to have to criticize that thought that they have been taught. They were taught by their church, this is a sin, this is bad, yada yada yada. And if they hadn't had someone queer in their life yet or experienced it themselves, they haven't had to dismantle that way of thinking yet. So, you're the first example maybe they're having of it. And if you came to them as like, "Oh, I need I've been sitting I've been doing this bad thing."

[00:58:43]It's like, "Well, I'm going to take your lead because you're the one with experience with it, not me."

[00:58:47]>> Yeah.

[00:58:47]>> So, I'm not going to question you.

[00:58:49]>> Yeah.

[00:58:49]>> And then it's like, you don't know if they would question it or if they would be supportive until you have those conversations. And you said, "I'm a devouted Christian. I this is all I know. This is my life."

[00:59:01]All these things. That is exactly what I would have said. And I would have never believed a world in which I wasn't Christian.

[00:59:08]>> Neither would Bethany.

[00:59:10]>> Yeah. Neither would Bethany. Like I you couldn't I would never if I had to bet money I would have lost it all because I would have absolutely thought there was no way that I was going to lose that personal relationship that I had with God and Jesus and all this stuff.

[00:59:25]>> Oh. And it was so entwined with your identity as well. Having your belief system and your identity be one thing leaves very little room for questioning your beliefs. I mean that's how totally not to compare >> cults >> Catholicism with a cult but >> there there are a lot of parallels for a reason. It's like the fear of losing your people keeps you in stuff longer than it should because it's like it it's just like an abusive relationship. Like if you're really dependent on that person, if you have moved in together, if you have kids together, it's like every little thing is a new route that kind of keeps you locked in totally and it's harder and harder to >> even make it feel worth it to question anything.

[01:00:08]>> So if I were in your shoes, I would have loved the opportunity to move and start over. I think that would have been great. But I kind of was in your shoes in that like this was all happening when I was graduating and then I felt like I had unfinished business in Arizona. So I was like, "Oh, I'll stay for another year and kind of like >> work my friendships out while I work out my sexuality, while I work out my how I'm related to the church and God and all this stuff."

[01:00:35]>> And I just started to see what I believed when I didn't feel the pressure to believe something. when I wasn't going to school with the same hundred Christians in my little group all the time >> and I like >> 100 >> well I mean way more than 100 but >> but I mean like in your little group >> oh our group was much larger than 100 for sure but >> you know there were like >> that's like your f it's like a commune you know it's like they're all your best friends we all lived in the same apartment complex >> and the same houses next door so >> yeah college can already feel like a cult adding religion into it's So, I gave myself that time to just like figure it out. And >> that's going to be your situation if you stay where you have this PhD offer, which is awesome. And you can really throw yourself into that.

[01:01:25]>> But >> I would use the time to, if you care, to go back to those friends and say, "Hey, I'm actually not wanting to get rid of this. This is actually not a confession. This is me telling you who I am."

[01:01:38]>> Um, see how that starts to feel.

[01:01:40]>> Yeah. and let people surprise you in good ways and bad ways.

[01:01:46]>> And also open yourself up to other people in your PhD program >> in more affirming churches if you still want to go to church >> online. Look for communities of people who've deconstructed. There's a million people on the internet talking about deconstruction and talking about like can you be gay and Christian? And I get DMs a lot from people being like, "Hey, totally hear your story, but like I still found a way to do it and I'm proud of that." So, you get to figure that piece out.

[01:02:13]>> But don't let the community of it all keep you locked.

[01:02:18]>> Yeah.

[01:02:18]>> Because >> you'll find community elsewhere.

[01:02:21]>> You will find it elsewhere. And there are people in your community who will ride with you. Like one of the girls who I led in a small group >> was in my bridal party. Like, you will find it. It will work. So, I'm really sorry you're going through it, but I'm also like >> I feel romantic.

[01:02:38]I'm romanticizing this moment for you because I remember how alive I started to feel >> when I let myself have my own thoughts >> and then felt like I was getting to know myself again and like create a new version of myself.

[01:02:51]>> Like, you know, it led you to a good place. So, it's like hindsight, it's way easier to romanticize it now. But but I also know tons of people who went this exact route and were in a great place. I don't know anybody who fell off the religious bandwagon and like became a delinquent like so true. I've never heard of anyone like leaving the church. I think because to do it to have to dismantle beliefs you've had like doing it in a way where you're just making the decision for yourself instead of something like bad happening. Yeah. It's like you're just have to be having to become more self-aware of who you are and what you want and that can never be negative.

[01:03:32]>> 100%. Yeah.

[01:03:33]>> But the belief when you're in it and surrounded by all these people is oh my god I never want to fall away from this community from God like I'm going to be a loser. I'm going to lose everything in my life.

[01:03:44]>> It's funny cuz like things that you truly believe and care for. I never even have a second thought that I might like lose that way of thinking. You know what I mean? I'm never scared to change my mind.

[01:03:59]>> Yes. But this is like your salvation.

[01:04:01]>> This is your salvation.

[01:04:04]>> They're like, "Oh, if I ever get corrupted by the devil to not believe this, then I won't get to go to heaven."

[01:04:10]>> And you will have listened to like a literal devil literal that >> poisoned your mind and took you away from the truth. And you hear so many biblical stories about the devil.

[01:04:24]>> Such a cop out to me though to be like, >> y >> things might make you not believe this anymore. Don't let it trick you. Where it's like you must not have conviction in your beliefs and thoughts if you're that scared that people will turn away from it if they hear other things. Well, the devil's very smart, Camden. And so, >> but I'm like you that them having to like make up this whole thing to keep people in is like crazy.

[01:04:48]>> I mean, now we can look at that. like you're going to get cool for Christmas if you're a bad kid.

[01:04:53]>> It is that.

[01:04:54]>> Yeah.

[01:04:54]>> But it is also really sad because it is >> most people don't believe the coal for Christmas thing, >> but they believe in everywhere God.

[01:05:04]>> Like a lot of the a lot of the world believes in this story.

[01:05:08]>> Yeah.

[01:05:09]>> So >> yeah, not to knock our pee pee because you absolutely can so be religious. I we have Christian. It's very clear that I am not religious and that's I feel totally okay and I think it's totally okay for people who are I think yeah the way I feel about it can definitely feel disrespectful and I'm sorry if I disrespect anyone who is very religious but I can't change in my mind that it does sound absolutely [ __ ] ridiculous. I get that >> it just does like if I can if I'm going to be able to speak on it candidly, it might come off as offensive because I I do find it like wild and I like Yeah.

[01:05:48]And you're welcome to change my mind on that, but yeah, like I can't I can't subscribe to it. I personally think deconstructed people are the coolest people in the world because >> as a deconstructed >> I do. I think and I know it sounds ridiculous but like I believe that people who used to be religious or part of something that was like very >> mind constricting and then found a way out >> are incredible because >> it's very impressive. It's impressive.

[01:06:16]But more than that, the piece that I think is cool is like you still have the capacity, two pieces. You still have the capacity for empathy to understand >> Yes.

[01:06:26]>> other people in similar situations, which like >> everything is that when you >> It's one of those things that's so hard to get though if you haven't been in it.

[01:06:35]>> Totally. But like being MAGA feels related. Being like >> Yeah. Like any Yeah. in some weird >> how people can get like indoctrinated to big one mind thinking like well I've done that before so I can have a little more empathy for how you can get even if I think the ideas are wild and I can't understand how anyone would get there >> I have in a different way got into a big group think mentality so I can get how you could too >> so you get the empathy and then I think like it's nice to see how much deconstructed people are scared to lose community >> because it reminds you how positive community can be >> and then how important it is to find it >> and like and how hard it is to get >> when there's not a thing to rally around like it's generally hard to make a commu like a true community of like what's our community about.

[01:07:29]>> Yeah. But I think people who are considering leaving their specific church, whether you're deconstructing or just that specific group of people don't serve you and you're scared to lose community, community can be so great. But I think it's actually one of the most damaging things when it's a community behind a purpose that goes against who you are.

[01:07:50]Like being queer and having a community who feels that is bad is so detrimental to your wellbeing. I'd rather you have no [ __ ] friends. That would be way less detrimental than having an entire group of people who think that who you are is inherently bad where and that's not going to happen. You are going to find community in other places. Yes, church is a very very easy way to have community. It brings like people from different backgrounds, different ages, different everything together >> that it is hard to replicate, but you will be better off than being in a community who sees you as a negative entity.

[01:08:28]>> 100%.

[01:08:30]>> But we love you, little pee pe. Sorry you're going through it, but >> I'm excited you're going through it because the best is yet to come. I can promise you that.

[01:08:37]>> Yeah. And we love you all.

[01:08:40]>> We love you so much.

[01:08:41]>> We'll see you next week. Give us good vibes while we sit in Mexico.

[01:08:45]>> Yeah, we margarita for being relaxed on >> and lay there and drink with a book. Oh, a book. Love you guys. Bye. Love you guys.