The Uwe Boll Arc Begins | Gamers GO to the Movies #20: Postal (2007)

Added: 2026-05-26

[00:00:02]Live camera action. What's popcorn of popping gamers? Welcome to Gamers Go to the Movies. The only podcast where we have to watch every Hollywood theatrically released adaptation of a video game. I'm your host Noel Slamrocket and with me is Bob Video Games.

[00:00:20]>> Watched up Canadian comedians literally have one trick.

[00:00:23]>> Dr. Agro, >> like the good old days.

[00:00:27]>> And Chris Wolfhart. Would you like to sign my petition? And that's right. This week, we have watched Postal from UI Bowl or however you say his name, Ubol from 2007. In the movie, he makes a joke about how he hates video games and how the creator of Postal hates him because the creator of Postal is in the movie.

[00:00:51]My god. I I've only watched Alone in the Dark and yet already this man has like eating his own vomit in this movie.

[00:01:00]That's Jesus Christ. I thought there would be an arc. I skipped to the end of it.

[00:01:07]How many video games movies has this guy done? Cuz he did two Blood Rain movies.

[00:01:11]This Alone in the Dark.

[00:01:12]>> He did. Okay. House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, Blood Rain, Dungeon Siege, Postal, and Far Cry.

[00:01:23]>> Oh my god, they let him touch Far Cry, >> right? That's probably the biggest title of all of those.

[00:01:29]>> Yeah, >> they let him touch Far Cry way after this.

[00:01:33]>> Mhm.

[00:01:34]>> Oh my god.

[00:01:35]>> Uh, only a year after this.

[00:01:36]>> Oh, IS IT ONLY WOW, THAT WAS LIKE FRAME ONE THEN?

[00:01:40]>> YEP. Holy [ __ ] I think I think Far Cry 2 might have been out by then or at least announced.

[00:01:46]>> Two should have been out around that time.

[00:01:48]>> And like this era like Alone in the Dark and Blood Rain were 2005. In the Name of the King was 2007 along with Postal and Blood Rain 2, Far Cry was 2008. This man just cranked this [ __ ] out.

[00:02:03]>> And you could tell by watching this movie >> Uhhuh.

[00:02:07]This has some real uh you can call this a film. It has it has a real vibe of this is a thing you paid to see in a theater. I guess you could Yeah.

[00:02:19]>> Yeah.

[00:02:20]>> This is what if you took a huge uh scale YouTuber and took his mind backward in time to 2007 and he was like, "Okay, this is how we do big scale YouTube, but I'm still it's still 2007 comedy." Mhm.

[00:02:36]And I'm doing a thing. That is what this is >> precisely.

[00:02:40]>> That is that that is exactly what I thought during the scene with the monkeys.

[00:02:46]>> Yeah.

[00:02:47]>> Yeah.

[00:02:47]>> This Let's broadly cover the plot real quick so that way people can get up to speed with us. Postal is based on the game Postal. So our main guy called Dude, played by Zack.

[00:03:00]>> Postal dude.

[00:03:00]>> He's Postal Dude. They love him so much over at Running with Scissors, the developers of Postal, that they put him in post the Postal 2 DLC they made in the mid in the mid10s.

[00:03:12]Oh, really? And he's one of the four possible voice actors for the Postal Dude in Postal 4. That's cool. I'm I'm glad they like him so much and that he likes being the Postal Dude, I suppose.

[00:03:26]Anyway, uh I need you to understand as I describe this film. I will be doing a lot of that from the perspective of this film. So anyway, uh Postal Dude's wife, who's like 380 lb or something, I don't know. And her name is [ __ ] >> Yep. Even in the games, >> is cheating on him in the trailer park as he can't get a normal [ __ ] job.

[00:03:48]And his uncle runs a [ __ ] cult and he's called Uncle Dave.

[00:03:52]>> Yep. Also, 9/11 happens.

[00:03:56]Yes, that's the movie.

[00:03:58]>> That is the opening. The opening is is getting in the cockpit with the terrorists on 9/11 as they debate whether or not how many virgins they get for doing this and then get on the phone with Osama bin Laden to complain that they signed up for more virgins. The opening of this movie is depressingly kind of the best part of this movie.

[00:04:20]It's It's true.

[00:04:23]Yeah, we described what that was. So, you know, >> it I I do enjoy the the guy hanging up and going, "Fuck it. We're going to the Bahamas." And the other guy goes, "Bahas." And then the people rush the cockpit and it crashes.

[00:04:40]>> Yeah, because they're just screaming the whole time that the passengers are trying to hijack the plane. He's like, "No, no, no. WE'RE GOING TO THE BAHAMAS.

[00:04:48]WE'RE GOING TO THE BAHAMAS NOW. IT'S FINE." UH, THIS ISN'T immediately clear to anyone who isn't a psycho who would know this, but Uncle Dave is specifically referencing uh David Koresh, the cult leader at at Waco.

[00:05:01]>> Oh, Waco. Yeah. Wow.

[00:05:03]>> Yeah. Waco.

[00:05:04]>> That cuz his name was David Kesh. So, and Uncle Dave.

[00:05:08]>> Okay. That All right. Yeah. No, that's uh that's about it. uh has an Vern Troyer, I think is his name, the actor for Mini Me in the Austin Powers movies.

[00:05:21]>> Yes, he is. Sadly, uh he is uh he is he is a ringer cuz I guess Gary Coleman didn't want to come do it cuz Gary Coleman is in Postal 2.

[00:05:32]>> Oh, weird.

[00:05:33]>> Oh, yeah. I knew that that was a thing.

[00:05:35]I figured they just thought that this guy was more relevant than Gary Coleman.

[00:05:40]It it might have been he either didn't want to or he might have been having uh health issues at the time already because he died a couple years later.

[00:05:46]>> Oh yeah.

[00:05:48]>> But yeah. So and there's a little Germany in the film where they uh sell the god what was the crotch. What is the name of the >> crotchy crotchy the crotchy toys because it's it's making fun of like the Furby craze and all that. All the kids need the crotchy toy. So >> Mhm.

[00:06:06]>> this it's important to remember this game came out in uh in 2003.

[00:06:12]So they are very very faithfully adapting.

[00:06:17]>> Mhm.

[00:06:18]>> A game from 2003 and 2007. So much of it is dated.

[00:06:26]>> So wait, is this like a directly remaking two or one?

[00:06:30]>> It has nothing to do with one. This is purely this is all Postal 2.

[00:06:34]>> Okay. Cuz Postal One was basically nothing. It was Postal One was just like an isometric shooter where you're going postal.

[00:06:42]>> Mhm. This movie is a little hard to talk about cuz it is just a bunch of It's just a series of offensive jokes. Yeah.

[00:06:49]>> Right. It is. And it it falling down was a Newgrounds animation.

[00:06:57]>> Yes. That is exactly how this feels.

[00:07:00]This this movie is vile in a way that I had kind of forgotten early 2000s white yepy anger was.

[00:07:08]>> Uhhuh.

[00:07:09]>> Because it purports to be against soulless consumerism and mindless corporatism. But it is shouting these ideas from the soul of an empty agrieved husk of nothingness.

[00:07:23]This movie pretends that it has something to say and then also tries to cover its ass for being terrible and offensive by saying that nothing matters and that they know it's bad. So, it's fine that it's bad. You have a bowl.

[00:07:37]>> In the movie, you see Dave Foley's dick.

[00:07:41]>> You do.

[00:07:43]I didn't need that part.

[00:07:45]>> I I really didn't think I'd be here again.

[00:07:47]>> Yeah.

[00:07:48]>> But here we are. All I could think about was you trick >> after what was it? The penta talking about how uh kids of the hall came back >> and they showed their dicks. Was it Dave Foley who did it then too?

[00:08:04]>> I'm trying to remember >> whose dick was it? Dr. >> Two of them and I I know one of them wasn't Dave Foley. I don't remember who the other one was.

[00:08:14]>> Yeah. No. Why does this keep happening?

[00:08:16]Canadian comedians have one idea.

[00:08:22]Uh I I I spent most of this film like I I realized when my neck started hurting I I had in wrapped attention stared at this screen with my head cocked to the side and my mouth slightly open >> because it isn't just that like oh the jokes don't land and the scenes don't connect and there's there there's no real logic to it or emotional throughine. It It's just It is so shockingly bad. It is so clumsily done. It is so soullessly barely put together. This This thing is vile. Not just in its intent or its execution, but in it in its existence.

[00:09:05]This thing was wrong. This this is ugly.

[00:09:09]See, I think a lot of scenes are funny in a vacuum, but there's not enough of them, and they're they're connected by the worst [ __ ] ever made, I think.

[00:09:19]>> Yeah. No, the connected to you is basically, "Hey, I have a racist joke.

[00:09:25]That's it."

[00:09:26]>> Like, I enjoy the horrible cop. I think he's one of the highlights of the movie.

[00:09:33]It It's very interesting because this movie was made This is old school like rural yepy conservatism where they they were like at some point they forgot they hated the government.

[00:09:46]>> Mhm.

[00:09:47]>> And police.

[00:09:49]>> Yep.

[00:09:49]>> So it's like nostalgic almost.

[00:09:53]>> Yeah. And uh this movie makes it very clear that Bush did 9/11 and is possibly the most insane variant of Bush did 9/11 where he is where he is buddies with Osama bin Laden who is played by the soup Nazi.

[00:10:06]>> Oh, is that the soup Nazi?

[00:10:08]>> Oh, yep. And uh Mohamad like the the more sexy Islamist is uh Michael Beigner who is the main character of Reboot.

[00:10:21]>> No. No.

[00:10:23]>> I thought I recognized the voice. Oh my god.

[00:10:26]>> No.

[00:10:28]>> Oh, come on. This isn't even He's not even the like the person this movie is most believed. JK Simmons, why are you in this?

[00:10:34]>> Because they only needed him for two scenes.

[00:10:37]>> It's true.

[00:10:39]At least Rick Hoffman wasn't famous.

[00:10:41]Really famous yet. Watching this, I realized my standards for cinema had dropped so low for contemporary movies that watching something completely off the rails like this that you know no one had any good oversight on >> Mhm.

[00:11:01]>> was deeply engaging.

[00:11:04]I was engaged as every moment I'm like, "What are you going to do? What are we doing? What is this?" Yeah. No one would stop him from doing whatever he wanted.

[00:11:13]So yeah, >> it is exciting for that angle. Yeah. No, like [ __ ] sure they sneak into the Little Germany celebration by putting on Hitler stashes. That makes perfect [ __ ] sense. Movie, please continue.

[00:11:27]Uh so so it's important to note that uh Vince Desi, the creator of Postal, worked on this script. Not surprising.

[00:11:36]Uve Bull specifically wanted to like the the Bush did 911 came from him and also he explicitly wanted the movie to be bad to as revenge for people who hate his movies.

[00:11:50]>> Sure.

[00:11:51]>> Neat. I feel owned.

[00:11:56]>> Yeah.

[00:11:56]>> Yeah. The last the only other movie I've seen from is Lone in the Dark, which is not like bad as a video game movie specifically, just a bad movie. Yeah.

[00:12:04]And I feel like that's probably where they all landed.

[00:12:07]>> Yeah. This has every single thing from Postal 2 in it almost.

[00:12:11]>> Yeah. This Alone in the Dark Lands is like a lower quality Hollywood movie of the genre that they didn't give a [ __ ] about. Like it's not even spectacular in its badness.

[00:12:21]>> And this is down this is like in the same ballpark as Noobs.

[00:12:25]>> Yeah. This is kind of noobs with a budget. Yeah.

[00:12:30]>> Yeah.

[00:12:33]based on the controversial video game.

[00:12:37]There was a time when the government actually did hate video games and it was a big cultural moment to like we should we regulate them or not.

[00:12:50]>> And and Postal 2 was made in response to that. Like specifically Joe Lieberman's whole thing with video games. It was made in response to that.

[00:12:58]>> Mhm.

[00:13:00]>> Which I feel like is an important cultural context. But you also shouldn't have made a movie once that stopped happening.

[00:13:05]>> Yep.

[00:13:07]>> Although I'm sure Jack Thompson was still running around at the time.

[00:13:11]>> Oh yeah.

[00:13:12]>> I think the funniest thing with the corrupt cop because I also love how the the cop is just the biggest piece of [ __ ] possibly in the entire film >> is that he's an exploiting a vegetative state man to sit on the side of the road and take money. And you He's just the worst human in this film.

[00:13:36]There's a lady who isn't driving a like she's stopped at a green light and the cop is sitting behind her and honking his horn and she won't move. And eventually he gets out of the vehicle, walks up to her, he starts trying to talk to lady, she can't understand him and is screaming back and he just unloads a [ __ ] shotgun into her repeatedly. Gets back in the cop car and his partner said, "What happened?" like really calmly. He just goes, "She called me the n-word."

[00:14:04]And that's the [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] that man is. And I think he's worse than everyone in this room movie. Reminder, George Bush and Osama bin Laden are buddies and buddied up on 911 basically.

[00:14:17]in this movie.

[00:14:20]I think my favorite scene, the scene that we laugh most during was they have the shootout in Little Germany and they only start hitting kids.

[00:14:28]>> Yes, they kill exclusively children and like we're talking glory action scene slow motion of blood shooting out of kids >> as they all fall down. And since they're kids, they're not like convincingly falling down. They're like falling down slowly so they don't hurt themselves.

[00:14:50]It's so This movie is like 25% actually funny edgy [ __ ] and then 75% this it you should have kept this as a Newgrounds animation.

[00:15:02]>> You should have kept this to yourself, bro.

[00:15:05]>> Yeah. No, that's that's the film.

[00:15:10]That's the film. All right.

[00:15:12]I feel like there's a good mix of I did this edgy thing and then we just stare at it blankly in silence. Not offended, not amused, just like okay.

[00:15:23]Okay, kid. Yeah, your t-shirt's real edgy.

[00:15:29]Was Was the barista in the video game?

[00:15:32]>> No. No, not that. I don't know why she's here. Oh, I you know exactly why she's here because that is the emblem of the kind of late 90s white collar yepy rage society that this movie is based on.

[00:15:49]>> Right. The >> because the hot alternative barista immediately recognizes that he is the reasonable person in a world of madmen and just latches on to whatever dumb horseshit he's doing.

[00:16:02]>> Yeah. This is just that's tapping into the same exact vein of personality personality type as the main character of Undergrads. He lashed out and it's edgier here, but it's the same [ __ ] I did a thing to be rebellious and got the [ __ ] attention of the hot barista who's as Agro said alternative.

[00:16:26]Thus proving the virtuous nature of my rage at society that is mostly >> Yeah, that part I'm putting on u bowl cuz in none of the postal games does he have anything approaching a love interest.

[00:16:38]>> Instead he has like four different versions of VD.

[00:16:43]>> Yeah, it's true. Yeah.

[00:16:44]>> Jesus. like that. Like there's a lot in this movie that I thought, man, if I had encountered this exact scenario in a video game, it would probably come off funnier and like legitimately, hey, we did this edgy thing instead of this [ __ ] slop.

[00:16:59]>> Yeah.

[00:17:01]>> Yeah. I making a Postal movie is is a really hard cell in the best of times.

[00:17:09]And I don't really like how they wrote the postal dude because even even before you start killing because you decide when to kill, you could beat that entire game without shooting a single person.

[00:17:22]>> It's just, you know, are you going to wait in line at the DMV for 20 minutes in a video game?

[00:17:28]>> That's That's real good.

[00:17:30]>> Are you going to Are you going to tolerate when you go up to the counter at a gas station with milk and then the guy when you get there, the guy says, "Oh, no. That that was price wrong. is three times as much.

[00:17:41]So the the postal dude comes off as like unwell from the start, unlike Zack Ward, who kind of comes off as normal. Mhm.

[00:17:51]>> Yeah. He's incredibly welladjusted behaving given all of his environment.

[00:17:57]>> Yeah, cuz the world is downright insane in this movie.

[00:18:02]Did he piss on anyone in this movie?

[00:18:04]>> No.

[00:18:04]>> Mm-m.

[00:18:05]>> Damn.

[00:18:08]Not not uh not uh accurate.

[00:18:12]>> It's true.

[00:18:12]>> Yeah. Yeah. It's one of the few things I know about that.

[00:18:16]>> Also, we we really didn't talk about how this is Zach Ward. We just saw him in Resident Evil Apocalypse, right?

[00:18:23]>> Yep.

[00:18:23]>> Yep. We sure did.

[00:18:25]>> He was als he is also uh he's also the bully in um >> A Christmas Story. He's the bully Scott Farcus.

[00:18:34]>> Also, Eric Avari is in this movie for some reason.

[00:18:38]He's um he's the curator from The Mummy.

[00:18:41]Uh he's >> Shout's dad in Stargate.

[00:18:45]>> Thank you. I was trying to figure out what roles I knew that guy from because I [ __ ] lost it when back to back.

[00:18:51]>> Oh [ __ ] >> Joda Jameson and him just show up and I'm like what the [ __ ] >> He's also Master Rahul in Destiny.

[00:19:01]>> Okay, >> I did not know that.

[00:19:04]>> Sure.

[00:19:06]Maybe at one point. Is he still does that quartet exist anymore?

[00:19:11]>> I don't know. Will that game still >> as of The Witch Queen?

[00:19:15]>> Okay. All right.

[00:19:18]So, yeah, this film's uh just incredibly offensive. That's all it >> It has a weird amount of celebrities that you wouldn't expect. Yeah, it's [ __ ] weird to see JK and all these other people that you know from stuff just show up at random for a couple scenes, for a few scenes.

[00:19:38]Um, I will say there's something stupidly amusing about calling Osama bin Laden Sammy the whole film.

[00:19:47]>> Yeah, that's pretty good.

[00:19:48]>> That's there's there's funny things in this, but it's just buried in dog [ __ ] presumably intentional dog [ __ ] If we take Uve Bull wanting the movie to be revenge sincerely, which is like even if you do even if you do take that claim at face value, it alters nothing. The movie you made is [ __ ] I did it on purpose. The movie you made is [ __ ] Yeah, the scene with the monkeys is single-handedly the most shitacular scene in the movie, I believe, from my memory, just because it's like, man, that's such a dumb gag and it's awful in execution and it's genu Yeah, it's just it's just awful.

[00:20:33]>> And they're also chimpanzees. They're not monkeys.

[00:20:36]>> Sorry.

[00:20:36]>> Yeah, that that's the point. Uh, that's the point. Like when they get to the bomb shelter is the point where the movie like stops having anything.

[00:20:44]>> Mhm.

[00:20:45]>> Like I don't think there's a single good moment in that movie from that moment till the end. The Okay, so they're doing a shootout in the trailer park and they're just blowing the hell out of this car. Hundreds if not more bullets are just hitting this car that the main character and the love interest are hiding behind. And you see every part come off. every last one until all of it has been disassembled into scrap metal on the ground and the passenger side door is still standing erect and it finally falls over and they were behind it.

[00:21:18]>> That was a good bit.

[00:21:20]>> That is a very good bit.

[00:21:23]>> Yeah, they sneak in weird little actually funny things like that. You don't see it coming. So, they do they do hit pretty well.

[00:21:31]So, uh, I'm going to go ahead and talk about some of the things that are, uh, the stuff you waited through to get to that.

[00:21:39]>> The thing we're talking around is, uh, Vern Troyer is, uh, sexually assaulted by a hundred chimpanzees, >> cuz it was a prophecy in the [ __ ] religious cult bible. And there's uh an Afghani dude who's obviously mentally handicapped and they nominate him to blow himself up, but he forgot the bomb.

[00:22:01]And they have that dude play with a toy of a penis throughout the movie. And so you're dealing with that. That's it's just [ __ ] like that that you're waiting through to get through to a tiny fairly enjoyable joke like them blowing up the car with bullets over an obscenely long period of time. I'm trying to think of other acts I enjoy as much as that one and it's uh it's a little rough. Again, the children dying in the shoot on Little Cherby was hilarious because that's one of those things like you don't show children dying and now they're just show they're showing nothing else. It's just the kids in a fully packed crowd OF PEOPLE THAT BARELY HAS CHILDREN.

[00:22:42]>> I I do remember thinking like, man, this would be a great bit in a movie that wasn't this awful.

[00:22:48]>> Uh-huh. I like the woman getting hit by the car cuz it was so ridiculous.

[00:22:53]>> Yeah. Yeah, that was solid.

[00:22:56]I like the followup to the kids where the reporter is lighting all the dead kids up to make a good shot for her report.

[00:23:03]>> Yeah, that was there. There's just these little things that are actually feel like actual satire.

[00:23:10]>> Yeah.

[00:23:11]>> In a sea of Well, the the satire is that I said the n-word.

[00:23:15]>> Yeah.

[00:23:17]But did you know that the cult the guy who the the overweight cultist who betrays everybody and becomes the the real cult leader? He is in the DMC show.

[00:23:30]>> No, I didn't know that.

[00:23:31]>> Huh?

[00:23:32]>> He's in the Devil May Cry. OH, HE'S ENZO. WHAT THE [ __ ] >> He's Enzo in the Devil May Cry show.

[00:23:39]>> Did Enzo show up in season one or is that season two exclusive?

[00:23:43]>> Uh, it says he shows up >> seven episodes, it says.

[00:23:46]>> So, it's got to be stuff that's already out if it's that specific.

[00:23:50]>> Well, I mean, the new season's out, so >> Yeah.

[00:23:52]>> Wait, that came out?

[00:23:54]>> Yeah.

[00:23:54]>> Yeah, it came out two weeks ago >> and we didn't have to watch it.

[00:23:58]>> Yeah.

[00:23:59]>> Wow.

[00:24:00]>> Weird, right?

[00:24:01]>> That's a nice feeling.

[00:24:04]So yeah, I don't know then.

[00:24:06]>> Yeah, that dude's also going to show up again in Far Cry, so we're going to see him again.

[00:24:11]>> Blood Rain.

[00:24:12]>> Yep.

[00:24:13]>> I had to check to make sure the the fat ladies from this does not show up in Blubberella.

[00:24:20]>> Blubberella.

[00:24:21]And that would definitely be a thing that >> we got to cover the lore of Blubberella again because I'm sure people are like, "What the [ __ ] is the relevance of this?" That's Uve Bull wanted to make another Blood Rain, but they wouldn't let him, right? Is that the deal with that?

[00:24:34]>> Something like that. I don't know why he did it, but what he did is just remake Blood Rain 2, but was a vat lady.

[00:24:40]>> That's it.

[00:24:41]>> That's it.

[00:24:42]>> That's the whole bit.

[00:24:44]>> He's a hilarious man.

[00:24:46]>> What a worthwhile person.

[00:24:49]>> I don't know why it existed because he it came out the following year. It came out one year later.

[00:24:56]>> That's actually a long production cycle for him. I I honestly don't know if he thinks the fat lady is funny or he just wants to feature the fat lady.

[00:25:05]Like you make I I find it hard to believe Blubberella is a completely ironic project given the everything else about it. Also also in that one not in the actual movie it's a scene for scene spoof of but in in the the spoof Uve Bol is Hitler.

[00:25:23]But yeah, uh this is relevant to this film, this Bloella tangent, because this film repeatedly you are subjected to is again something like 300 lb 300 plus pound lady uh that's cheating on him, his wife whose name is credited as [ __ ] uh just [ __ ] everybody basically.

[00:25:44]That's that's a running tangent of the movie. They put it down for about half of the film and I'm like I know that shit's coming back. There's literally no way you set that up at the beginning and it's not going to be relevant.

[00:25:55]Thank god they revisited it.

[00:25:58]And we got to get on these Blood Rain films. They're going to be so good.

[00:26:03]>> Yeah.

[00:26:04]>> Wait, did Blood Rain TV >> I think we only have to do one. I think we only have to do one.

[00:26:08]>> I think Yeah. Okay, we're good. We only have to do one. Two went direct to DVD.

[00:26:12]>> Thank god.

[00:26:14]>> It's going to be worse than the Onara movies.

[00:26:18]>> Well, no [ __ ] Those probably have choreography and low budgets that low for Japanese movies often result in completely terrible films without any choreography.

[00:26:31]True.

[00:26:34]Okay. So, did anyone have anything else they wanted to bring up before we get to our uh categories?

[00:26:43]>> I guess it's kind of funny he cast himself as a really terrible person.

[00:26:48]I guess >> kind of.

[00:26:49]>> No, it's not.

[00:26:51]>> Yeah. Like, look, this makes it better.

[00:26:54]>> No, no, it doesn't. You're still a [ __ ] >> I did laugh as he's just like, I [ __ ] hate video games. And I'm like, are we just a Red Letter Media skit at this point? What's happening?

[00:27:07]>> I did love the shot of the guy who made Postal just screaming for video games as he shot it.

[00:27:14]I might have to get that clip. I might have to get that clip. That's a useful clip.

[00:27:18]>> That has uh Okay. Well, we haven't talked about it yet, but let's talk about it. The Rotten Tomatoes on this movie is nine.

[00:27:27]>> Wow, that's pretty high.

[00:27:28]>> Higher than some.

[00:27:30]>> It's true. We reviewed one that had a zero. Tekken had a zero.

[00:27:38]Jesus.

[00:27:40]Yeah, Tekken has a zero. I think that's probably the lowest other gaming movie that has like the go the lowest they go.

[00:27:48]A lot of movies have zeros shockingly.

[00:27:52]So, as it as it turns out, we may have covered the worst movie very early on as we watched Tekken, but we'll have to see. The budget for this was 15 million.

[00:28:02]The box office was $146,000.

[00:28:06]Dave Foley apparently tried to talk him out of opening with 9/11 so it could show in more theaters.

[00:28:14]>> That's the Okay, but that's the funniest joke in the movie.

[00:28:17]>> I know, >> right? Like you don't cut that.

[00:28:23]>> It's such a Yeah.

[00:28:25]You know what I appreciated about this film? H you can tell it's not an improv comedy film. Yeah. how they actually have stuff set up and effects they do to achieve these comedic situations they have made.

[00:28:38]>> Yeah, they scripted a scripted comedy.

[00:28:42]>> Mhm. And they may have gone off script a couple times, but it wasn't just here we're going to shoot this completely unmotivated so that way we could cut to whatever funny joke happened and then the script will reset itself in a second to do what was written here.

[00:28:57]>> See, they should have written a movie three times this long.

[00:29:00]>> Oh my god. and then had someone who wasn't a [ __ ] idiot come in and identify which scenes should be in the movie and throw and throw 70% of the movie away.

[00:29:13]Okay, well let's get to our first segment after I tell you about how you can support this endeavor by heading on over to patreon.com/gb podcast where you can get access to commentary directs for countless movies INCLUDING ALONE IN THE DARK BECAUSE WE ALREADY DID THAT ON CURSED Content Club.

[00:29:31]>> Can't wait to do it again.

[00:29:33]>> Yeah. Yeah, I know, right? [ __ ] after this I now get to view that through this lens at least.

[00:29:41]That's the only positive that move. That movie has a lower Rotten Tomato score than this. [ __ ] you. What? That movie has a one.

[00:29:50]Still higher than Tekken. Yes.

[00:29:55]Uh anyways, uh you can also get access to our uh series Chugging Bleach where we're watching all the bleach and you can get early access to episodes over there and perhaps exclusive access to other episodes at some point and uh much much more. That's patreon.com/gpodcast.

[00:30:13]patreon.com/gbodcast.

[00:30:15]It pays the rent mostly kind of.

[00:30:21]First category, thumbs up, thumbs down, or thumbs sideways. Is this good? Hey, Chris, I really wanted to come in and give it a thumbs sideways, but if there was like 10 more minutes of stuff that wasn't dog [ __ ] in this movie, it would get to sideways. But no, thumbs down, Bob.

[00:30:46]Yeah, this movie is bad. I'm giving it a thumbs down. Like there's just not enough that's even slightly funny to redeem it. Agro.

[00:30:54]>> This movie is vile masturbation trying to tell you that it's punk. It is awful.

[00:31:00]Thumbs down.

[00:31:01]>> I too wanted to come in and give this a sideways, but uh I don't know. I don't think people are going to be as amused as I am behind the obvious craftsmanship that went into making this scripted turn. and they probably don't hate improv comedies as much as me. Much of it is bad. Really [ __ ] bad. The amusing parts are very few and far between. So, I'm I'm going to say is it's a thumbs down.

[00:31:30]>> I thought of two more things that were kind of funny in the movie.

[00:31:32]>> Okay, go.

[00:31:33]>> They make the prop for the cat that has been turned into a silencer. He uses it.

[00:31:39]>> Well, we got to we got to explain the context. So, in the postal games, you can literally use a cat as a silencer.

[00:31:45]Yes, you can use a cat as a silencer.

[00:31:46]>> It's really [ __ ] up. We're watching this with Spiff. Spiff doesn't know [ __ ] about the game Postal. He's about the character starts going up to the cat.

[00:31:54]I'm like, "Sorry, Spiff. I'm so sorry. I didn't know cuz Spiff loves cats." He shoves the gun in the cat. They make the prop for the cat on the gun. The bullet comes out of the cat's mouth perfectly.

[00:32:06]He puts the cat down and it walks away.

[00:32:08]AND I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE FUCK?"

[00:32:12]>> YEAH. I think I that is not how it works in Postal 2, but I think that is how it works in Postal 4. WEIRD.

[00:32:18]>> IT IS ENORMOUSLY FUNNY TO DO it like that.

[00:32:22]>> Mhm. So, there's that and there's the scene of him in the DMV crawling on the ground as a shootout happens looking for a lower number than his.

[00:32:32]>> That was also good.

[00:32:33]>> Yeah. Someone snaps at the DMV and starts shooting people up and postal guy hits the ground and all of the bodies are everywhere. So, he's just crawling among them, grabbing tickets to try to get to be next in line. And the final ticket is in a dude's hand that he's convinced is dead. But as he starts pulling at this guy who's bleeding out, starts fighting him to keep holding the ticket. It's really good, man.

[00:32:55]>> See, if the movie was all scenes like that, we'd be having a different conversation.

[00:33:00]>> Yeah. No, if the movie was the kid shootout, uh, the DMV, the cat silencer moment, the cop, I feel like this would be one of the better rated movies on the series. But no, the rest of it really, really drags it down. We've watched such terrible things for Cursed Content Club, though, that I'm like, it's not offensive enough to stop me. It doesn't involve things like Tim and Eric's movie did.

[00:33:26]Anyways, the next category is this movie worse than Tekken.

[00:33:32]We were really [ __ ] on top of our game when we made that category in episode three. We watched all of two video game movies and went, "This might be the worst. Let's make this category."

[00:33:44]Um, Tekken made 10 times as MUCH MONEY IN THE BOX OFFICE.

[00:33:51]We're we're living big tonight.

[00:33:55]Oh, wait. 11. That's amazing. Wow. $1.6 million. How did they do it?

[00:34:03]Anyway, uh is this work than Tekken?

[00:34:06]We're going to go ahead and start with uh Bob H.

[00:34:11]Tekken is less offensive.

[00:34:14]Imagine if it wasn't right. I can't.

[00:34:18]But I'm not sure. I really I think I enjoyed watching through this movie more in some ways.

[00:34:26]H this is really tough.

[00:34:28]>> It is really tough.

[00:34:29]>> Yeah, it's it sadly is this is one of the mo the toughest.

[00:34:32]>> I think this is a very individual category, you know, >> right? It's so close.

[00:34:38]It's so close.

[00:34:41]But I would probably watch Tekken again first. So I guess it's not worse than the Tekken movie.

[00:34:46]>> Oh [ __ ] I don't like that reasoning.

[00:34:48]It's making me rethink my choice.

[00:34:52]>> So you think it is worse than the Tekken movie? No, that is it is not worse because I would rather rewatch a Tekken movie again than it.

[00:35:00]>> So So So Postal is worse than Tekken, >> right?

[00:35:04]>> Yes. So you're saying Postal is worse, >> right?

[00:35:08]>> Okay.

[00:35:09]>> Okay, we got there.

[00:35:13]>> Aggro, >> this is definitely worse than the Tekken movie. The Tekken movie is a bad movie.

[00:35:19]This is a [ __ ] post with pretensions.

[00:35:24]Chris. Oh, this is hard.

[00:35:28]This is really, really hard because the the bad parts of this movie are so bad.

[00:35:34]I never want to look at it again them again. But it had like it's it's what's worse like a one all the way across the board or like the four thing that gets up to like a four or a five sometimes but then goes to like -2.

[00:35:52]Like, do you want the the the straight line or the sine wave?

[00:36:02]I'm gonna say Tekken's worse by a photo finish. I think I think it is. I don't think there is any conceivable way anybody could get as much enjoyment out of Tekken as I got out of Postal. Even if all the rest of the parts are Postal are [ __ ] terrible, right? No, it I get it.

[00:36:21]I I also think it's really neck and neck here. I if I had to rewatch it, Tekken feels like it would be absolute brain death cuz man, there's nothing good in that movie. Like not one good thing in it.

[00:36:39]Yeah, I'm going to have to say it's a it's so close here, but I I'm going to go with no. It's not worse than the Tekken movie. Yeah. Jesus. God, I never >> Yeah, this might be the tightest this this category has ever been.

[00:36:53]>> Uhhuh. Like, like they're both really [ __ ] terrible in different ways. Yes. Oh, man.

[00:37:04]Okay, next category. Star power. On a scale of 1 to five, how would you rank the star power of this film? We're going to start with Dr. Agro.

[00:37:16]I mean, as a function of drawing people into the theater, I don't know if Zack Ward is really putting butts in seats.

[00:37:24]You don't think?

[00:37:26]>> I mean, JK Simmons shows up for a couple of minutes. I don't think he was really a big deal back then.

[00:37:32]>> Uh, this was after Spider-Man.

[00:37:35]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:37:35]>> Two of them, I believe.

[00:37:38]>> Yeah. Maybe all three.

[00:37:41]>> Uh, I think three was 2008.

[00:37:44]2007. Never mind.

[00:37:46]>> Him, Dave Foley, Vern, Troyer, too many people were in this movie. What happened?

[00:37:52]>> Yeah, right.

[00:37:52]>> Did were they on a bus that got lost?

[00:37:56]>> But but we also we also have to consider does Uve Bull count as negative star power?

[00:38:05]Like, does him being attached to the movie push it down?

[00:38:09]>> I don't know. I I think I'm I'm going to have to give it a two because it it can't be a one. JK Simmons and Verroy are in it. People know them.

[00:38:19]>> Mhm.

[00:38:20]>> Yeah. I I think Agar is right. There's not quite enough to bring it up to a three cuz even though there are multiple people you would know, none of them have superb star power. I don't know that people are going to the theater for Vern Troyer or JK Simmons.

[00:38:38]Yeah. Uh, it's there. It's real, but it's not punching weight. Uh, Chris, yeah, I'm gonna give it a two under Aggro's logic.

[00:38:51]Bob, yeah, I think you guys are right. Two is the right number for this. Like, that's just there's just not enough here to go above that.

[00:39:00]>> Okay, now we need to cover the faithfulness of this to the video games.

[00:39:04]We're going to start with the most knowledgeable among us possibly, Chris.

[00:39:08]scale of one to 100, I am going to give this a 85 because it had has almost everything from Postal 2 in it, but it does not have him having to get people to sign a petition.

[00:39:25]It does not have him pissing on anything. Thank god. And the crotchy dolls are not miniature nuclear bombs. H uh I'm going to give it about an 80. I feel like it's basically all there. It's just slightly different enough because of them adding his wife and also other things that I perceive as being different from the game when I played it. It's a tonal thing, but it really it does I know that's the next category, but it really does give you the vibes of Postal.

[00:40:01]Uh, Bob.

[00:40:04]>> Yeah, I only ever played the demo for Postal 2, so I haven't seen like everything in that game, but it felt correct.

[00:40:15]So, I think I Yeah, you know, an 80 is probably fair. Let's go with an 80.

[00:40:20]And aggro.

[00:40:22]>> Oh. Uh, well, I I knew literally nothing about Postal 2. Um, but based on the discussion we had of it, I was literally thinking of the number 85, just to throw out there. Uh, and since Chris said it, I have no problem echoing it.

[00:40:42]Do you think this is a suitable substitute for the game, we will go ahead and start with Bob.

[00:40:47]It's really edgy and filled with humor. Yeah, sure. Sure.

[00:40:54]Chris, >> I'm gonna say no because there is much more joy in playing Postal because you're the one that gets to decide when violence would be funny.

[00:41:08]>> Um, I'm going to say it gives you a pretty rough ballpark of what the tone and stuff in Postal is. It's not quite the same, but it feels like as a substitute for the game, it does a reasonable job. like it's pretty serviceable as a substitute. So, I'm putting down yes. Aggro, >> I had this thought while watching the movie and I'm I'm going to say no because I have to believe there's some fundamental essence in the game that recontextualizes the stuff in the movie.

[00:41:42]There has to be a reason this game is as popular as it is because this movie ain't [ __ ] it. No.

[00:41:52]>> Should they have adapted the movie back into the video game? I'm going to say no. I'm not interested in that. That seems stupid and pointless. Bob, >> it had been a few years since Postal 2, so why not just make a weird bad Postal 2 with worse jokes? Uh, it might sell.

[00:42:08]Do it. Yeah, >> Chris, >> I'm I'm trying to think if they did put Uve Bull into that DLC they made.

[00:42:21]No, but they did put him in Postal 3, which you cannot buy anywhere anymore because it was made by different people and was that bad.

[00:42:30]So, I'll give it a a no cuz they they they already put Zack Ward into postal.

[00:42:34]They did eventually. I mean, they put Zack Ward into postal and they put Uve Bull into a bad postal.

[00:42:41]So, no, they should not do that.

[00:42:45]aggro.

[00:42:46]>> I really tried to come up with an idea transformative enough to be worth it for the bit, but no, we should not interact with this thing anymore.

[00:42:58]>> Uh, well, what if it was, as our next category asks us every time, what if it was an FMV game? Would that work for you, Aggro? Is that a good idea? Should they >> No. Uh, I I don't I don't want to see this movie again in lower fidelity.

[00:43:16]>> Uh, I'm going to say no. But also, this does seem like something they would do.

[00:43:22]It honestly feels like they could have done that at the time the movie was coming out as a funny gag online.

[00:43:28]Just here's our shitty flash game.

[00:43:30]That's an FMV game of the movie. But no, they shouldn't, Chris.

[00:43:36]>> No, they should not do that, >> Bob. Yeah. No, it it loses all appeal to me by turning an FMV game.

[00:43:47]And our final category is this normal person friendly. Can is anybody going to say yes?

[00:43:54]>> Can we put the claws on in 2007?

[00:43:57]>> YEAH, I WAS GOING TO ask at that time or now.

[00:44:06]Oh man, >> there like there's a very specific form of ragefilled white yepy dbag that culturally we spent a lot of time trying to convince everyone was the baseline of humanity.

[00:44:23]>> Yeah, I feel like even those people wouldn't like this movie because it's just too shitty. Um, I'm going to say this movie is too edgy by a bare margin to be normal person friendly. I'm going to say this is shittier than any of the like epic movie scary movies. This is beneath like Oh yeah, those those do exist.

[00:44:49]>> They exist. Yeah. What was the Hunger Game parody one called?

[00:44:53]>> The starving game.

[00:44:55]>> Something like that. Yeah, the starving games. I think this is like shittier than that even by a markable margin. So, it's it's just too low. It's too shitty.

[00:45:05]I laughed less at Meet the Spartans, but it also wasn't as horrible because a Hollywood like an actual Hollywood movie cannot like a big budget one cannot be that hateful.

[00:45:20]>> Mhm. It's worth noting The Starving Games does have a lower Rotten Tomato score of zero.

[00:45:29]Jesus Christ. The only reason I know that movie even exists is Amazon Prime during me being completely unemployed was like, "Do you want to watch this?"

[00:45:38]And I'm like, "Well, I don't have a working car, so I guess it's free."

[00:45:47]Bob, do you think this is normal person friendly? No, I don't think it's normal for friendly in any year. We might choose aggro.

[00:45:58]>> Yeah. Uh I'm I'm gonna go with result over intention and say no.

[00:46:03]>> Okay.

[00:46:05]Well, then this uh might be the worst movie to recommend anyone to watch ever.

[00:46:13]Yeah, we'll we'll we'll see if something beats it, but at at the moment, yeah, >> it's funny to be like Tekken might be the worst movie, but Postal is the least recommendable.

[00:46:25]>> Tekken is is very poorly executed.

[00:46:29]>> This movie is like when a band just makes random sounds on instruments and calls themselves punk.

[00:46:36]>> You know, you know. Anyways, we're going to have to line up a movie to be a good solid pallet cleanser after this. So, please be excited for the next episode of Gamers Go to the Movies. The executive producers for this month's Gigaboots videos are Spaceman Spiff, Red Blaze 27, Brendan O Sullivan, Cooper Tank, BN12, and Raido.

[00:47:08]Thank you very much to executive producers and also these guys.

[00:47:14]If you want to become an executive producer or normal patron, head on over to patreon.com/ gigaboots today.