How to Create an Aura of Power Without Saying Much! | Robert Greene

[00:00:00]injecting a little bit of pain, pull back, or that you do something kind of heartless is going to have a devastating effect on the other person. [music] Giving that back and forth dynamic where you're leading them along where it's very fun, it's pleasurable, exciting, but they're moments of doubt and pain really is what hooks [clears throat] the other person, gets them completely in [music] your grasp. So, if everything is pleasurable, it's not going to have the emotional impact. If you take a step back [music] and you don't call her as much, suddenly she's going to have to People have their own kind of context, their family, their [music] friends, their workplace. And sometimes if you can isolate [music] them from that context, they become much more vulnerable to you, right? They don't have any friends. They don't [music] have any support anymore. So, they only can rely on you. And it's something that is done over time, [music] right? So, if somebody if you're confronting with a male seducer who is [music] trying to turn you off from your friends, who is who is making it so that your best friend, oh, I don't think you should trust [music] her. I think she's up to something, right? He's trying to do things like that. He's trying to alienate you from [music] your family. I think your parents were really awful to you, etc. is [music] a very classic technique because in your sense of isolation, you're much more vulnerable to [music] to getting support from this from this particular person. And so one of the [music] tactics that um [snorts] that I talk about in the book is taking the person to [music] another country to another place where they on a even on a holiday or a vacation where they feel unsupported where they feel a little bit alone and isolated for several weeks to kind of break [music] down that element and make them want to turn to you for trust and support. So if you feel [music] that a man is trying to isolate you in the subtlest ways [music] from your friends, from your family, from the place where you live and is criticizing [music] that and trying to make you feel like maybe I don't like these things, maybe [music] that friend isn't really somebody I can trust. This is somebody you should be very very suspicious of.

[00:02:13]It's a terrible tactic. It's [music] trying to isolate you socially from the things that support you and you should be very very suspicious [music] and you should not give into that. And also as you kind of alluded to they can kind of isolate you u mentally where they make you question your own values and your own ideas.

[00:02:31]>> So their values and ideas [music] now are the only ones you can rely upon. So one of the isolations is from the things that you [music] in your brain kind of use to support you that you rely upon the values that [music] you hold dear.

[00:02:44]If they can chip away at that then you're even more isolated. You're even more vulnerable. Let's say you're a religious person right and you believe [music] very strongly and and your belief in God something very important to you and they start kind of chipping away at that about that's so irrational.

[00:03:03]How can [music] you in the 21st century believe that somebody changed water into wine and walked on water? How ridiculous. [music] And they're being more subtle than that.

[00:03:12]But they're solely chipping away at a very important value [music] that you have, which is your faith in God.

[00:03:18]Seduction involves [music] by nature an element of transgressive and taboo. So the word [music] itself has this kind of edge to it where we're sort of attracted to it, but we're also a little bit afraid of it. [music] It's like something, it could be very exciting, but there's also something a little bit evil about it, a little bit naughty. And if it didn't have those two elements, [music] it wouldn't be this very powerful word that attracts us so much.

[00:03:46]So people who are pretend that they [music] that they want everything to be so comfortable and easy and perfect in their life. They want everything [music] to be good, everything to be sweet and angelic.

[00:04:00]But people are complicated. [music] They they desire the opposite of what they say they they think they they want.

[00:04:06]Right? So underneath everyone one of our desires is secretly something else.

[00:04:11]secretly something maybe the opposite that we want but we're not aware of it.

[00:04:16]And so if everything in the in the seduction were so smooth and wonderful and pleasant, he's giving you chocolates and roses, [music] wonderful, it doesn't have that edge to it. We want an edge to things in life otherwise we're not interested in it. It gives it something a little bit a [music] whiff of danger. It's something we haven't talked about. But seduction has to have an element of danger to it.

[00:04:40]It has to be like being involved with this person. It's not like my life [music] is at stake, but something potentially bad could happen or there's an adventure involved that I'm not used [music] to where I could lose something that I that I value. And that element of danger is actually a spice in our life.

[00:04:59]So my view of people today is [music] that we're too tight. We're too like this. We're too political. We're too like holding on to things we want. We're [music] like I call it the new prudery in the art of seduction. This is the new prudies. Our political [music] correctness, our everything has to be this way. I'm so moral and righteous.

[00:05:20]This is what's right and that's what's wrong. And secretly underneath it all, we actually yearn for the opposite because it's not natural for us [music] to be so tight and wound up. The human being wants to loosen up. We want to laugh. We want to do the opposite of what's going on in society. We want things that are unconventional. We want things that are mysterious. We want things that are weird and strange. We don't want our lives to be so tight [music] and controlled like everything is on the media where you say one wrong thing and ah 8 million people are after you. [music] Right? So an element of political incorrectness of taboo of something I'm not supposed to be interested in [music] that person but I am. How exciting. I think is a very very important part of a seduction because people are wound up way too tight these [music] days and they need a release and they need that release is something that they don't normally would never normally do [music] there. It's the hero, the male who's got this kind of secret side to him. He's got a touch of evil [music] to him, but the woman is going to be the one who's going to change him. And that's the whole thing even behind 50 Shades of Gray where I think in the end [music] she does kind of get him to settle down. That's the fantasy element.

[00:06:33]The fantasy element [music] is I meet this guy who's got this kind of secret.

[00:06:38]In this case, I guess [music] he's into kind of sadism or BDSM, but secretly the woman is attracted to that dark [music] side of him. Injecting a little bit of pain at the end of this towards this moment in [music] in the seduction like, I'm going to leave you. It's over. We're not I'm done with you. man, that'll be very, [music] very powerful because there's been so much pleasure, so much excitement, so much interest involved that at that moment that you're going to pull back or that you do something kind of heartless is going to have a devastating effect [music] on the other person. So, I'm I'm being the evil seducer now here. But giving that back and forth dynamic where you're leading them along where it's very fun, it's pleasurable, exciting, but there are moments of doubt and pain is a very is what hooks the [music] other person and gets them completely in your grasp.

[00:07:31]>> So if everything [music] is pleasurable, it's not going to be it's not going to have the emotional impact. [music] And if you put in particularly near the end these little doses of pain if you're [music] pursuing someone so much right it's it's almost like it's getting too predictable here and the [music] sense of being constantly chased and sense of pursued is tiring. [music] It's also a little bit frightening and it's also like where is this all ending right? It's going too much like [music] you're in control of everything. If you take a step back, you're the one pursuing [music] her and now you step back and you don't call her as much and [music] you're doing your work and you're not so interested in her.

[00:08:21]Suddenly, she's going to have to pursue you because you you've got your hooks in her so deeply. And the moment she you've created this space because think of [music] it spatially, you're after her, you're after her. It's like this. This this this is this. You're after her. And then you pull back. Now there's a space between [music] you two. That space is where she's going to fall. And that's what I mean by it. So you've pulled back and now she's going to pursue you because she doesn't want to lose it.

[00:08:49]It's [music] been so interesting and so pleasurable and she's so used to this dynamic that she's now going to turn around. The moment she pursues [music] you in any way, it's over. You've seduced her. That's it. So, it's got to be timed right. We're very near the end of [music] our seduction here because it literally means to fall and we're like falling in love. So, I this is book about falling getting people to love you. It's not a book about just [music] having sex. It's all psychological. We live in a a culture where people think you don't you shouldn't have to put effort into something like love and romance. You should just be who you are, man. I don't have to put on a role. I don't have to play a game. That's manipulative. Blah blah blah blah. No, I'm sorry.

[00:09:36]Love and romance is something that is almost biological.

[00:09:40]If you look at animals and mating rituals, they're incredibly elaborate.

[00:09:44]Seduction is a mating ritual. And so, the worst thing you can feel is that this person isn't putting any effort into something. Let's just say it's it's from the woman's [music] point of view.

[00:09:58]man. He just shows up wearing jeans and his usual sloppy outfit. He doesn't comb his hair, etc., etc., etc. He takes me to the pub for dinner on our first date.

[00:10:11]You know, he he he's not thinking about me. He's not willing to put any effort into it. If he's not willing to put any effort into it, what's it going to be like 3 months down the line when he completely takes me for granted, which is what happens in a relationship? Am I not important enough? Right? Whereas the ability to have a little bit of effort to think of it as kind of theater and drama and that there's nothing evil about that. So, I'm going to dress nicely. I'm going to It doesn't have to be fancy, just that I'm going to, you know, I'm going to put some effort into how I look. I'm going to take her to a place that isn't is you know, I'm not talking about candle lights and roses [music] and that kind of crap. It doesn't have you can be creative. It can be somewhere that that's scuzzy that's on the wrong side of town, but it's different and it's appealing to and you put some thought into it. There's a reason you're taking her there. If you're not able to let go of your of your kind of tightness when it comes to a woman, then something's wrong with you, man. Just let go. Spend some extra money. Spend the extra 10 quid that you might [music] need to spend on taking her to someplace different. But it signals a kind of cheapness. And it's not about money. It's about a cheapness in your spirit, right? She's not worth, you know, letting go. Okay, maybe you don't have that much, but my god, you have enough. It's not going to like make if you're that poor, then then, you know, okay, maybe, but probably not. You could afford it. Show that you that that it it means something to you.

[00:11:47]Seduction is a language. It's not a language of words. It's a language of gestures that we're paying attention to.

[00:11:54]We're paying attention to people's body language. We're paying attention to their actions, to the things that they never say. So [music] when you signal that discounts are so important to you that even on the first date you have to have a discount, [music] you're signaling that it's not there's something tight about you in your nature and it's not very pleasant to win over someone like oh let's say you're a man and it's a woman who might be reluctant to have sex for good reason [music] or reluctant to have a relationship requires some effort. It requires some thinking. You can't just hack your way.

[00:12:31]You can't just swipe and get it. You can you can have your [music] internet sex, but you're not going to get that in real life. It doesn't work that way. It takes time. It takes patience, you know, and you're going to have to work and you're going to be rejected. Being with people is a skill. Being a social animal, although there's a part that comes naturally, if you spend all of your time here, you're losing that skill of how to respond to people's body language. You know, half of the thing is you're sitting in a bar opposite, let's say it's [music] a woman, and how she crosses her legs, how she sips her drink, how she looks at you, how she touches her hair, she's signaling things. [music] It's a language. It's a beautiful language, right? You have to learn it. And you're not going to learn it here because you can't. You have to be in person. [music] It has to be skin-to-skin. You have to get a feel for what other people are thinking and feeling. And we're actually really really good at that. Humans have that's what makes us human. It's called mirror neurons. I can sense what's going on in your mind. I can read your body language.

[00:13:40]You have to get out in the world and you have to be put yourself physically out there and try and try and try and have rejection. And I know it sounds awful, but it is a skill in a way where you're learning how to like understand and deal with people and and and and understand their what they're who they are and get inside their spirit. It takes time and effort and patience. So for young men, you have to realize that, right? You if you if you think everything has to be easy and quick, it's never going to work for you. In the in I talk about the actor, the Hollywood actor Errol Flynn, who was perhaps numerically the greatest sedu male seducer [music] ever because estimated that he had seduced close to 3,000 women and he died when he was 50. And if I I did the math one day, what how can that possibly be? Um, and I I [music] tried to research what was his secret and it was hard to find out. And finally, I found a book written by a woman whom he had seduced, another [music] actress.

[00:14:44]And she said, "He was so relaxed and so comfortable. It was like being it was like an animal type thing." And [music] then when I would sit with him, it was almost as if I had drunk two martinis just sitting next to him. His comfort and his security and his confidence, his relaxed attitude, [music] it just made me drunk. So feeling relaxed, [music] feeling confident and not defensive and comfortable with yourself is a very powerful seductive quality.