why I *really* cut my hair short ✁

[00:00:00]Hi everyone. I'm Meg. Welcome back, or indeed welcome to my channel if you're new. It's so lovely to have you all here. Grab a cup of tea. I've actually just finished this. I must confess that I've finished my coffee, holding up my empty mug for the intro of this video, and I've swapped over to an icy cold Vichy Catalan. If you know, you know. It is so hot in the UK today, and obviously as I'm filming, I've had to shut all the windows, and I've got filming lights on.

[00:00:25]So, if you see a su light emerging, that's why. I have got a feeling it's going to get warm and a little sweaty up in here, but we're just going to get through it together. So, stay hydrated.

[00:00:35]Make sure you've got some snacks and a beverage for this one, cuz I know I'm going to yap in this video, and it's going to be a chatty one. So, with that being said, let's just jump into it, cuz today's video is about my hair, but not really about my hair. So, if you follow me elsewhere online, you might have seen that I cut my hair into a bob in April, and bobs are everywhere at the moment. I see French girl bob, old money girl bob, and it's like all the cool girls are getting bobs, and I wanted to get one, too, but for very different reasons than purely aesthetic ones. I actually got a bob for my mental health. Let me explain. So, let's cast the old fishing rod of time back to my high school years, teenage years. I think I was about 13-ish when this started. I essentially began this habit of picking my hair and picking my split ends. And what I mean by that is that I would pull sections and strands of my hair forward into my eyeline, literally examine every single strand of hair, and if there was a split end on any one of those individual strands of hair, I would get my nails and pull the split end out. And this feels so funny to be sitting here talking about, cuz it's something I did for such a long time, and I honestly always thought I was the only one who did it. And there are all different kinds of split ends, which I got very much familiar with. Off the top of my head, there's a baby split, there's a double Y, there's a tree, there's a feather, there's all these different kinds of split ends, and I became completely obsessed, like I said, with examining each and every strand and plucking out every single split end in my whole head of hair that I could possibly find at school, like during my lessons. And even as I'm saying this out loud, I know that a lot of people are going to be like, "What in the world?

[00:02:21]That just sounds nuts." I actually filmed a quick clip of me doing the split end routine, so that you've got a visual of what I was doing, cuz I know to a lot of people this is just going to be like completely alien, and they might never have heard of anybody doing this before. I've always been blonde, and school uniform was like navy, dark trousers, dark skirt, and I would be able to see the split ends so well against the backdrop of my school uniform, so I would sit in lessons and just systematically systematically go through and pull all of them out. And obviously this then started to affect school work, like teachers noticed that I was doing this. I remember once being in a science lesson, and a different teacher came into the classroom, and I was so engrossed in doing my split ends that I didn't realize she'd come to stand like right in front of my table, and she was just staring at me waiting for me to finish. And I was doing my split ends, and I became aware that people were laughing, and I remember looking up, and the teacher was right there in front of me being like, "Hello, Earth to Megan." And she said, "Does she do this every lesson?" And my science teacher was like, "Yeah." And it definitely wasn't something that I got in trouble for. Like, I was never actively punished for picking my split ends, but I was getting repeatedly told off and told to like stop doing that, stop staring at your hair, concentrate on the lesson, do your work. And I just found it harder and harder to stop doing it, but it's incredibly bad for your hair. I think what happens when you pull out the split end is that the split just travels like further up your hair shaft and makes your hair like more fragile and weak, and it even got to the point where I was getting these little grooves and like hard skin on my nails from where I was pinching the strands so much that it was then creating this hard skin on my thumb and forefinger where I would just systematically like go through pulling them all out. And it became, I'm not joking, something over the years that I could do for up to like five or six hours a day or even longer. It became where I couldn't watch TV without also doing it at the same time. And I would go through periods where it would get better and then I would go through periods where it would get worse. And it ended up essentially being just like a very much all-encompassing thing that I would sit and do without even realizing it, like on autopilot. And then all of a sudden I would realize that like hours have gone by and I've lost them. I've just been sitting there doing this to my hair. So I would start to do things where I would like set an alarm on my phone. So that if I started doing it, I would try and catch myself and be like, "Shit, I need to set an alarm on my phone for like half an hour so that I can do it, but not do it so much that it really affects my day." So I was already implementing things to try and control it. I truly don't know how common or uncommon this thing is, and I can imagine that to someone who's never had it before they're like, "If you're wasting so many hours of your day, why the don't you just stop picking your hair?" But if it was that easy, like it wouldn't have been an issue for me. I really did try and stop. I then bought like professional hairdressing because I realized I'm creating so much damage to my hair and if I'm going to do this, and I really couldn't stop doing it, if I'm going to do it, I might as well be snipping out the split ends with hairdressing scissors rather than ripping them out. It wasn't even that it was less damaging. I think I just found it like more satisfying. However, I didn't really get any comfort or pleasure out of this habit that I was doing cuz I was getting told off it I was really super frustrated at the way it was affecting work as I got older because this is something that carried on throughout the entirety of my teens and then like the entirety of my 20s and onwards as well. And I was really super frustrated and it actually got to the point where I hated doing it and actively as I'd be doing it, I would be like stop stop stop. But when something becomes obsessive and compulsive, it is just so so hard through your own like sheer will to put a stop to it. So a few years ago I started going to therapy for the first time. I was really struggling with my mental health and my relationship with alcohol and I remember thinking again, I'm desperate about this drinking problem that has started and I think I need professional help for it.

[00:06:30]So I went to go and see a therapist and she mentioned one day, "Have you noticed whenever you start to talk about something difficult, you begin to like absentmindedly, I don't even think you know you're doing it, you start to like pull strands of your hair forward and you start to look at them."

[00:06:47]And she said I can see it on your face that you're trying so hard to stay present and in the moment and talking to me and maintaining eye contact, but you really want the distraction of looking at your hair. And I was like, "Oh yeah, that's just this thing I've done for like a decade and a half now. I pull at my split ends. Really weird, but it's just a thing I've done like forever."

[00:07:05]And then in my next session, I feel like this is where it gets interesting. She said to me, "Have you ever heard of trichotillomania?" And I was like, "Oh yeah, I've heard of trick. I have friends with trick, but I don't have that. Like I don't pull my hair out.

[00:07:17]That's where people pull their eyebrows and their eyelashes and their hair out."

[00:07:21]And she said to me, and this was like the mic drop moment, "You do pull your hair out. You just pull it from the ends, not the roots."

[00:07:31]I remember sitting there being like, >> [gasps and sighs] >> clock it.

[00:07:43]Anyway.

[00:07:45]Ah, it literally stopped just as I was about to carry on with my video. But, I am so thrilled in this moment to pretend to be Professor McGonagall and say, "I've always wanted to use that spell."

[00:07:57]Because I get to say the words, and now a word from our sponsor. A little location change for a quick mention of Hairburst. Cuz if I had a penny for every time someone has told me getting a bob is like a reset for your hair and the perfect opportunity to start taking really good care of it, and I'm like, "Trust me, I'm taking real good care of it." For so long, too long, the focus was on the picking and the damage that I was doing, whereas now it truly does feel like a fresh start. And I've built a very intentional routine with Hairburst. Let's start with the healthy hair vitamins first. I've gone through a few of these cuz I take them every single morning. They are absolutely part of my morning routine, and I always think visuals are like the best proof.

[00:08:38]So, here is my hair in April when I first got my bob cut, and here it is a couple of months later. And it's very much like a shoulder-length Hannah Wells haircut. I truly didn't even feel like I had a bob anymore. I just felt like I had shoulder-length hair, and I've already had to get my hair cut again because it was growing so quickly, and I didn't feel like I had my bob, which I really wanted. I think it's largely down to these vitamins. It's a blend of vitamins and minerals including biotin and selenium and zinc and collagen, and they help to support stronger hair, more thicker-looking hair, and they reduce breakage. Um my hairdresser has given whatever I'm doing the seal of approval.

[00:09:16]He was like, "Whatever you are doing, it's working cuz your hair's in great condition," which is always a lovely thing to hear. And then because I've got this gorgeous fresh start, and my hair has had years and years of bleaching, the hair mask. Not only does this smell so good. Oh my gosh, I love the smell of this so much. It's like a proper hairdresser scent. And this is the long and healthy hair mask. I find it so good for the condition of my hair, the hydration, the shine. And I've also just noticed that it helps to protect from the formation of split ends, as well as controlling frizz, strengthening, protecting, and encouraging longer, stronger-looking hair. But it's the split end part of that that I am like, it's a new start, people. It's a new dawn and a new day. And if you have hair that is damaged by styling or coloring, I would really recommend this. I think on two, okay, I think this might be my favorite apart from the vitamins. This is the multi-active scalp serum. This supports scalp health and reduces shedding and breakages. I can absolutely attest to that. My hair has definitely been in better condition since I've been using it. And again, visuals as proof are always helpful in reviews like this, so I will pop a picture here. You can see where I've got my hair pulled back, the new, fresh baby hairs that are coming through. And I've had so many of them cuz I've been concentrating this kind of around the front of my hairline.

[00:10:34]And I've actually noticed a physical difference. And also, another thing that gives this a plus in my book is that it doesn't make your hair greasy. I was always scared that scalp serums would weigh my hair down and make it look oily and greasy, but this just doesn't do that at all. It almost it feels like putting water in your hair. It feels like nothing. And it definitely doesn't add to any kind of greasiness. It just gives me those like hair growth benefits, which is insane. So good. And then last, but by no means least, the hair balm. Or its full name, the hydrating hair smoothing balm. Again, I find it so lightweight. Every time I wash my hair and it's damp, I just do a few pumps of this into my palms, run it through the lengths and ends, and I find that it helps with the shine and the smoothness and the detangling so well.

[00:11:16]Like, does my hair I feel like the proof's in the pudding. My condition just looks so gorgeous at the moment, and I've been doing this routine really consistently and solidly. It reduces frizz and helps to keep hair resilient and very soft. Like, I definitely notice the softness in my hair since I've been using this. And if you are a vanilla girly, Mm, gorgeous. It has fig extract and a vanilla scent to it. So, you can add it to your vanilla routine. So, if you've been thinking of trying Hairburst, now is actually the perfect time to do it because they have a buy one get one free offer, which is amazing. And I also have a discount code, which I will pop on the screen for you. And that discount code, as well as the links, will also be in the description box. I'm still thinking about D Mcgonagall moment. Feel like that's such an iconic moment from her when she's like, "Protect the school."

[00:12:02]That's it.

[00:12:03]Mm.

[00:12:04]It's so good. The last time I had this was when we were in Spain, and they sell it at Whole Foods. I bought like three massive bottles of it. I'm so happy. But anyway, we are back in the room. So, my therapist has just shed a lot of light on the situation and told me to go home and research trichotillomania. And boy, did I research it. I went on Reddit for the first and only time in my life and fell down this huge rabbit hole of discovering this big community of people who all compulsively and obsessively pick their split ends. I have never felt so seen as when I found this thread before and read through it and realized, "Okay, I'm not alone. There are other people out there who have this habit that they do as obsessively and compulsively as I do." And I learned so much about it. And one woman described trying to quit her hair picking as more difficult than trying to quit smoking, which I feel like really puts it into perspective. And I came to realize that it's actually a compulsive disorder under I always get this wrong body-focused repetitive behavior. So, it's BFRB.

[00:13:07]Body-focused repetitive behaviors. I always get a letter like jumbled up in there somewhere. And my therapist also mentioned OCD due to some other behaviors and thoughts that I have. And since becoming sober, I can definitely see how some aspects absolutely line up like 100% with OCD as well. I also want to make this super clear. The reason I'm making this video is absolutely not to give any advice or to diagnose anybody else. It's simply me sharing my story in the hopes that it might help somebody else in whatever way. And learning about the condition and finding the thread, it definitely helped me because A, I realized, okay, I'm not alone. Other people do this. And B, having a label and a name on it to diagnose did definitely help me be less self-critical and hard on myself when I did engage in those behaviors. However, not feeling alone anymore and having the label didn't actually help me stop doing it in any way. I was still doing it like every single day. And that's probably because of a few reasons, but the biggest reason is absolutely that you girl just had bigger fish to fry. Like I had alcoholism that needed treating urgently. So in terms of my mental health, alcoholism was like up here and the fact that I had OCD and this trick issue was just further down the list of things that were more pressing. And it actually took me 3 years into my sobriety to be like, okay, this issue is really eating into my energy, but most of all it's really eating into my time and I want to do something more concrete about it. I was just like, you know what, in other areas of my life when it comes to my mental health, putting action in and being really decisive and doing something that's potentially a little bit more drastic has worked in the past. So why wouldn't it work for this? And I thought to myself, if I cut my hair off to a short enough length that I physically can't pull it because you need to be able to pull the strands in front of you to like here for them to be in your eyeline for them to be able to like see the split ends and be able to pull them out. And I was like, if I lop off my hair, I will be actively putting a barrier in between me and these behaviors. And if you have OCD or body-focused repetitive behaviors, you'll understand trying to do it through just motivating yourself to be like, "Okay, don't do it today.

[00:15:33]Don't do it today." Like it just doesn't always work. And so far this has worked.

[00:15:38]And I'm so happy to be able to say this is the longest I have ever gone without picking my hair since I was 13 years old, and I'm 32. Like that is crazy.

[00:15:50]That's almost 20 years. And it's the first time I haven't done it because I physically can't do it. And it genuinely has been life-changing. Not on the same level as getting sober was life-changing. However, I truly think that if I hadn't gotten sober in the first place, like I just turned 3 and 1/2 years sober, and I think that if I hadn't gotten sober in the first place, this probably never would have happened because my self-worth was just like nonexistent. And I wasn't really interested in taking care of myself. And having this body focus thing, you're essentially repeatedly damaging a part of your body obsessively. And now that I'm sober, I am not interested in doing any damage to myself mentally or physically or otherwise. And I actively want to take care of myself like on the outside and the inside. I can't even tell you what a breath of fresh air it has been to not engage in this habit anymore. Like I've got so much of my time back. I'm so much more productive.

[00:16:50]I don't know if it's linked at all, but I've gained almost 10,000 new Instagram followers since I cut my hair short and stopped this habit. I'm also, I'm going to say it, in love with this hairstyle.

[00:17:02]I think it really suits me. Thankfully, imagine if I didn't like it. Um but I'm actually really in love with it. I think it's a bit more grown-up. I think it's a bit more elegant. It's a little bit more elevated. It's a lot more chic. And it's just made me really happy. It's fun to change your style up, but obviously this went deeper than a style thing. It was more substance than it was style, but it's an added bonus that I actually just really like my hair like this anyway.

[00:17:28]And this change, which to everybody else is like, "Oh, she just got a bob." is to my loved ones like, "She doesn't do that hair picking thing anymore." Like obviously my family have noticed for years and years and years and they'd always be like, "Leave your hair alone."

[00:17:42]but it was just never that simple and I'm so glad that I took the leap to do something a little bit more drastic and it has really helped me. And on that note, I hope this video has helped someone. I am always so happy. I mean, I did think about this video carefully. I really slept on it for quite a few weeks to make sure I was comfortable sharing, but I'm always happy when I sit down and do these because I'm okay with being vulnerable if it means that someone else out there feels a little bit less alone and a little bit more seen. So, that is my hope for this video. Uh thank you so much for watching as always. It means the world to me and I will see you in the next one. Lots of love.