Learning How to Love & Disagree with Love & Faith | In Memory of Ahava Emunah Lange Z'L

[00:00:01]My brothers and sisters and most importantly langro seven years this is the seventh yite I really can't believe that number it seems uh like a cycle as we all know that we have the concept of seven but we use that as a cycle when it comes to the weekdays we use it as a cycle when it comes to the years regarding And it's a log of time where as we're commemorating the tonight that there's seven years of this light in its most purest and infinite form that's showering down from above into our lives into our into our midst into our hearts and havuna's lightem continue to guide us and give us all the the boosts of energy of amuna of aava of love and faith more than ever before. So first I just want to really say again to to the family humbling it's a humbling privilege to learn some Torah together on a night like tonight.

[00:01:22]May we get closer and closer to each other as the years go by. This has not been an easy year.

[00:01:28]This has not been an easy year. Bifrat for am and bifat for your family. I just want to give my through the screen give everyone a hug and jump into the world of Torah which has and always will be our greatest source of strength and of focus which is what we need now more than ever. I don't think it's a when I say that if there was ever a time to discuss real baseless love, even though that doesn't really sound so right, baseless love. It's not exactly the translation, but real love and real faith. It's now the nine days, but [snorts] specifically, it's in the time that we're living in where we're surrounded by enemies that seem to continue to show their true colors. There's no question about motives and what they want. And yet in our midst in our mal in our camp or in our we're going to see that word's going to be going to be problematic in a few minutes. But in our B is we still have to figure something out.

[00:02:36]And the figuring out that I want to explore tonight is not to figure out how to not to have a mlo because a differing of opinions is essential. It's essential for humanity. It's essential for the formation of truth. You can only decipher the truth when you look at things in different through different lens. If on its own was forbidden, you wouldn't have a gim. You wouldn't have you wouldn't you you wouldn't have the dance of the Jewish people as to how we got to what we got to on its own is not the problem. The problem is can our bee shim for the sake of heaven or not? And how do we know? How do we know if the maklo that we're in is lashem sham or it's not lashem sham?

[00:03:34]And even though we'll be learning for a few minutes this evening certain texts, certain pieces, certain sources, the the bottom line is that this is a a learning that must be accompanied with prayer the whole time because when it comes to opinions, it's the most dangerous thing because somehow it's really comes from a place of of wanting to protect protect ourselves and and defense mechanisms that are already in the system in our system. We're petrified of possibly being wrong about something.

[00:04:16]We're petrified of of perhaps maybe realizing that certain truths that I've lived with, I never really gave the other side enough of a voice because I just needed to make sure that the decisions that I made in my life were all right and they're all good.

[00:04:34]But the wise person is the one that seeks truth, that could care less about whether he's been right or wrong his whole life or her whole life. It's more about right now. Am I really open to learning, what I need to learn right now to be closer to what the em is we're not going to be learning about what EMTT is tonight. We're going to be learning about the journey towards EMTT. And that is to make sure that the makloets that we find ourselves in and of course I'm saying this right now in the heat of Ham Israel's passionate continuous arguments that must continue to happen but they have to happen in a certain way. This is why I wanted to learn what we're going to be learning tonight. What is a sham?

[00:05:22]So please God, every word that we're saying should be for as we all know there's a famous in the fifth chapter the 17th Mishna that calls it out straight out and it says any any that's really we're going to figure out what that means. meaning it'll it'll end up something will end up still existing.

[00:05:59]It's not for the sake of heaven.

[00:06:03]It won't end up continuing to exist.

[00:06:05]We'll have to figure out what that means.

[00:06:08]Well, the Mishna helps us a little bit to understand what this means because it continues and it asks, well, what what kinds of what kind of alo what kind of an example do we have that's a sham?

[00:06:19]That's a dispute for the sake of heaven.

[00:06:22]And what's one that's not lashem shamine? So when the Mishna asks what's shine, we know that the two houses of thought in the oral tradition were known as the house of and the house of shama beel and be shami. Those mlocets that they had that they argued, they had serious differences of opinions.

[00:06:49]That's called a mloim.

[00:06:53]What's not considered a mloim, the Mishna tells us, is the of Korak and his adah in his congregation.

[00:07:02]the mlo that we see that erupts in Parat Korak where Korak the head Levite if you will who says in a very convincing tone there shouldn't be any type of monarchy there shouldn't be any type of a system it should all be it sounds so sounds so holy right but the Mishna tells us that's actually not aim and be shi [snorts] they had many differences of opinions. They barely agreed on anything.

[00:07:42]But something about the way that they argued and voiced their opinions, kept it still in the realm of a dispute for the sake of heaven.

[00:07:55]Korak and his adah. No, we have to understand why why is that?

[00:08:03]So, so first of all, the gar tells us in a number of places.

[00:08:11]How do we know that of Shami was lashim?

[00:08:16]Well, we know that they were they may in the morning have been busy in the B midrash in the hall of study where they were they were arguing about what the halot should be and sometimes as we see even today you have disputes amongst rabbis that when everyone thinks that their opinion is right they're forgetting that um they still supposed to be loving each other. Beth Hill and Be Shama had a lot of arguments, but they were busy in the morning. If they were busy in the study hall having disputes over Torah, at night they were busy marrying off their descendants to each other because the Gmorra tells us that the houses of Beth and B Shama ended up marrying in. They were marrying each other. Can you imagine today?

[00:09:06]You take two prominent schools of thought in amra the sickness is that everything's become politicized. So it it doesn't realm doesn't remain in the realm of like trying to really decipher what God's will is. But imagine today if you had two schools of thought that really vehemently agre disagreed with each other but they would be so happy if they would marry into each other. That's the of Shay.

[00:09:35]We didn't exactly explain yet what it means, but we see already that the Gmorra tells us that the aftermath of a sham is that the realm of argument remains in the B midash.

[00:09:50]It's a it's a it's a matter of trying to decipher the truth that began in the study hall and then that thing that differentiates between us ends in the study hall. But afterwards we're family.

[00:10:06]Now in order to really understand to answer the question now as clear as possible what is a how do I know if the maklo that I'm engaged with is leashame shamim or not. We have a very beautiful piece. I was so excited to find this piece a few months ago and I want to tell you I've learned this a few times in a few different settings this following piece and it's caused many people to be very uncomfortable. It's not my purpose. On the contrary, I want us to get as comfortable as possible but because this is a real dagger to the heart because it's a real it's like the asset test. This is the test to see where we're holding. There was a a tremendous rabbi named Rabionatan Abashitz. He was he he was alive. He was born towards the end of the 17th century and he passed away in 1764 and he was a a Rav a Talmudist a halakist and a cabalist as well.

[00:11:01]He he he he went through a lot but he was a a a genius a even as a child he was a prodigy and he studied in illustrious yeshivas.

[00:11:13]um he was already appointed as the rv of a town at the age of 18. uh but he eventually he went and settled in Prague for many years and his life story is less important right now but it's a person that definitely it's one thing is important to mention is that he had a lot of maket on him the era that he appears in Jewish history appears shortly after the whole story of Shabaptites the false messiah his tit Hashbah, his influence on world jewelry is far greater than we understand it today with the the hopes for Msiah back then were at heights. I mean this is tremendous heights. the Jews the the suffering this is approximately 100 I would sayund maybe 120 years after the inquisition maybe 130 years I don't know exactly and there's prome after prome and things are so horrible and here comes this guy shopites looks and sounds very holy very convincing and we all know the the end of his story but after he passed on there was still many there's a lot of suspicion and Israel whenever anyone would resemble any of the traits that they could find that that would look similar to the time of Shapiti.

[00:12:42]So there was a famous mahloit really led by another great sadic rabacov of emden and they said that rabanitz was really a sabatian he was really a closet of shapitite so he wasn't but there was room to think that he was so it's a person rabbanitz that definitely suffered mlloets that weren't sham people that had tremendous mahloits on him and said horrible things about him but he says and he just he says it straight out that we look at the world everything in the world is the wherever we look there's always differences of opinions because and the always comes to seduce us to tell us that our opinion that's the realm sham one and it's a mitzvah and it's the holiest thing in the world to rip someone else up someone that doesn't hold by my right opinion it's a mitzvah works so hard seducing us thinking that our way is the right way and it's always like this everything in life whenever there's a you're you always feel we naturally feel we're right we don't go into saying I'm probably wrong let's see what this person has to say we go into it's difference of opinions and we're more or less convinced already that eventually the person will agree with me so if you think that everything that you're always lashe shamim but the other person is how do you ever know if you really lashem shamim or not he says it's a very clear test he says can you check in and ask yourself aside from the point of dispute meaning the matter itself that we have a on do I am I still madly in love with you like am I in love with am I totally in love with you despite the or not he says if If our difference of opinion causes us to not love each other, that means that even if you're right, your is not lash.

[00:14:54]Now, this is obviously if you if we really hear what he said, this is a very it could be a very threatening statement [snorts] because let's face it, the the schools of thought that differ from ours, we could say, "No, no, no, it's different now because now we're in a war." So, you know, now anyone that endangers the Jewish people, uh, I I can't love them. And there's no mitzvah to love them because they're endangering the Jewish people with their way of thinking.

[00:15:28]Guess what the other side says? The other side says the same exact thing about about about us or whatever it is.

[00:15:34]Not even I'm being very politically correct. Not even saying any opinion about anything. I'm just saying whatever you think whatever we think about the the justification of our cause and how much we really believe that the choices we've made are mamish lashim sham do I really still love other schools of thought that differ from me they could be totally wrong I I would hope for them to be wrong it feels good to be right but that's regardless says the way to unknow If your mah is sham, do you still love the person that you have a mit with? Or has their opinion created an image of a person that you don't like? That's it.

[00:16:27]That's it. That that's a sh it's not talking about whether you're right or wrong. It's talking about what do you feel for the person beyond the and that's why we the Mishna tells us that B sh was a shama because they ended up marrying into each other's families and it wasn't like a rebellion that the grandchildren had and that they had to convince the grandparents and be listen I know you hate each other but I'm sorry we fell in love with each other trust me the mcmar is telling us basically that the houses of Shama made shidim with each other and upon those two schools of thought our whole code of law is based on which is so is so beautiful it's not based on two minds that thought alike it's based on two minds that didn't think alike but loved each other no matter what I love can you imagine if we lived in the world like that but you know how much faith and love a person has to have in order to act like So, I know that this could be a very touchy subject.

[00:17:37]I'm telling you, I I was I learned this piece a few weeks ago somewhere in your shell and I I thought someone was going to throw a chair in my head. Um because again, when we're when we're so certain that we're right and we hear a voice that opposes our opinion, we immediately exaggerate it to say that their opinion is endangering me.

[00:18:01]But the other voice, the other side says the same exact thing.

[00:18:06]So we have to be gutsy enough to realize that the goal of this world is not to figure out to have an opinion that everyone's going to agree on. The goal in this world is to have an whatever opinion the best of your ability that you should we should work on and based our and obviously we're thinking so much about the decision making here init for but it's to pray the whole time please master of the world as I sharpen my thoughts as I get together like we see in Hebrew as I gather together my thoughts and come up with something very strong uh upon which I'm choosing to live my life.

[00:18:46]Please show me that if I start hating a person that doesn't agree with me, as right as my decision may be, it's not holy.

[00:18:56]It's notem shamine.

[00:18:58]Our right decisions have to be holy.

[00:19:01]Our wrong decisions have to be holy, too. You understand what I'm saying? I hope I hope I understand and internalize what I'm saying as well.

[00:19:11]I'll even go so far as to say the following. I just feel so at home with the Langs and the Groen. So, I'll say it like this.

[00:19:22]This is going to sound crazy, but how could we hold back anymore? You know, for me personally, when there's other ways of of practicing Yiddish within the realm of that is, but even when it's not the realm of it, it it for some reason, I don't know, I probably would attribute this to the spirit of Rabbi Schlommo. I've never felt bad or had a a negative feeling towards someone that practices Judaism differently than me.

[00:19:56]It'd be so boring if we all practice it the same way.

[00:20:00]As you all know, I have a community. I have a I have a way that I believe is the best way for for me and for hopefully for Ami is that hopefully works strong here. But there's so many other shs here that I'm so happy they exist because different people need different things. But the second that I start thinking that my way is not only the right way for me, it's the right way for all of you. [snorts] And then when you don't think like that and act like that, I start thinking low of you.

[00:20:31]There's no way in the world we're winning like that. There's no way. And so it's happened that I actually sent people to different sh and not and not necessarily come here because I could sense that what they're looking for exists somewhere else. It's not the way it is here without getting into details.

[00:20:52]It's the most freeing thing in the world when you think about it. But could you imagine if we lived a whole world of Judaism where everyone continues to practice things differently, right? But it does not affect my love for them one bit. I know it sounds I'm sounding very uh dreamy or corny but bless me to never give up on that dream ever.

[00:21:27]So Rabbi says that that's the if you really love each other if you if you if the love doesn't get affected at all through a it's Korak he says you could see that the love faded once the came into the air the love coming from Korak and his people unto Moshe and Aaron there was so much hate they were almost going to stone Moshe to death and that's [snorts] the iman that it can't be. It just can't be that that's real. There was another great cha that I had seen from the Li from Pittsburgh who said that Shamim is that I'm able to listen to someone for real and not just listen to them because it shows that I'm a noble person. and I could listen to them, but I could actually take the words that they're saying that differ from my opinion. And he says, and to put it into my mind and to like weigh it out and see like, hm, what do I really think about what this person is saying? And if I'm able to look at it like that and maybe I'll still stand on my own de that may be fine, maybe not. Hope meaning it doesn't really matter what ends up happening afterwards as long as I'm able to listen to someone and say I'm going to hear what they have to say and I'm going to think about it and only after that I'll decide what I want to how I feel saying those are shim those are shim I once heard from my dear friend Rabbi David Saxs from Los Angeles who said this in the name or the Kotkarbi he said we're not shocked when we look at each other and we see that we look different doesn't shock us that we don't we're aren't we aren't all identical in our looks but we're shocked when we're not identical in our thoughts when you think about that you just got to start laughing and see how the other side the it mish comes and messes with us like that why aren't we shocked that we don't look alike cuz we understand that we're different. [snorts] But why is it when it comes to rationale and to logic and to intellect, we're we're shocked and [snorts] threatened that we don't think alike.

[00:23:55]B Shama and Beth weren't shocked and threatened that they didn't think alike.

[00:23:59]And they still held on to their own opinions, but they really loved each other. Now here I want to just end with one more important piece that I think is is very very shy and anyone I keep on going back to this memory that I had about the last walk from the Lang's home to my car in Beameish that I had. It was it it felt like a walk of eternity.

[00:24:28]It was probably we walked very slowly and stopped every few minutes.

[00:24:35]Uh David and Aabuna and I maybe it was like 10 minutes long.

[00:24:41]But it's been about seven and a half years long. Seven years plus long mam because I never experienced living with some uh talking to someone who was almost speaking already from the world of emmet.

[00:25:02]She was physically still here but it's it felt like she was already speaking from there. [snorts] And it was a she was speaking from a place that was above and beyond any. And that's why I feel so connected to what we're learning right now.

[00:25:20]And I could still feel it. I I I remember I remember a lot about those 10 minutes.

[00:25:26]You can see seven seven years plus later I'm still reliving it because in the world of say shalom and up there there's no even if there is all of shalom which is what we're trying to bring down here.

[00:25:46]We're blessed to live in an era where there's some amazing amazing big big I would call them rebies. But when I say a rebi, I don't necessarily mean a rebi in the sense of like what rebies were back 200 years ago. Rebies that we need for today. And one of them is a very precious RV I have the privilege of having a friendship with and that is Rav Tamir Granote. Rav Tamir Granot is one of the rashi yeshiva of Yeshivat Oro Sha in Tel Aviv.

[00:26:14]He's an author.

[00:26:17]He's a very special special human being.

[00:26:19]A very special Jew. He's someone that knows how to cry over AmI. He's also the father of Amiti Kumo. Amit his son was killed the first week of the war. A few the week after October 7th up north.

[00:26:34]One of the first casualties that our enemies from their name be blotted from the face of this earth immediately.

[00:26:44]He was engaged and he gave his life for Am Israel.

[00:26:49]And Rav Tamir has has been leading a certain a amazing amazing amazing mahalak amazing [snorts and clears throat] mahalak of of going to the place of Shine.

[00:27:09]And a few months ago, I came across a few minutes of him talking about the difference between a lash shim and a that's note shamim. And I had to write down what I was hearing on an audio what I was what I was hearing. It was a video actually. And he asks the same question.

[00:27:28]How do we know to differentiate between a that's shim and note sham?

[00:27:34]So he said that it's a question of kavana meaning do I do and act the way I act the choices that I make are they for an interess is it to get power or is it because I actually really believe in the thing that I'm standing for.

[00:27:57]He says the the problem is we I always say okay the other person has to prove to me he really believes what he's saying. What about me? Like the bah always thinks that like like we saw in realets I'm always sham and he's not sham and everyone always thinks like that.

[00:28:14]So Raf Tamil explained that we always there's a whole talk of political identity instead of speaking about actual opinions we get into these fixed structures these fixed he calls it I I already know that if let's say if I'm what's called the whatever in the world that means then I guess that means that my hash is about everything is already written out based on the way that people feel and think about everything.

[00:28:55]If I'm what's called I already, you know, I I already have a set structure of of what I think is right and what I think is wrong. If I'm into BB Netanyao or not into him, that means all my other opinions are also in line with people that [snorts] are pro BB or against BB, right-wing, leftwing. It's always like this, meaning my opinion about anything has already been.

[00:29:22]It's already been determined based on my identity. What it really means is that I'm not free to really think what's right and what's not right in every single situation.

[00:29:33]I'm not really free to speak differently about a certain matter because that's not the voice that comes out of my camp in general cuz they'll say to me, "How could you speak like that? That just strengthens the other side."

[00:29:56]He says, "This happened a lot during the the war has it used. It happened when we had the the the the horrific reality of our hostages where if you said you were pro a deal that meant that you're weakening the government but if you say you're against a deal that means you're pro the government. Can't you just think what this matter what should be done in a specific matter or not?

[00:30:27]I hope I'm hope I'm giving over his words right meaning. Uh he I think the way he was trying to say it is that Shamay means that when I'm speaking about something I'm speaking about the exact matter itself not how this politically manifests in other areas not the ramifications of it politically or religiously in other circles. It's about the matter itself.

[00:30:51]Cuz if I if we know how to at times when we do what the katan so far says listen to another opinion and think about it and maybe it'll change my mind. If we start thinking in a more original way then I'll come to live in a world where in certain areas these are my friends in certain areas these are my friends. So what will then end up happening? He said an amazing thing if we could actually be free to live like this. He says, "Listen, there'll still be there'll still be differences of opinions, but you know what? We would we would we will rid ourselves of camps.

[00:31:30]The camp, the religious camp, the non-religious camp, the Zionist camp, the ultraorththodox non-Zionist. These camps are killing us. And you may want to throw a shoe at the screen right now because [snorts] I'm making you feel a little bit uncomfortable. I'm not. I'm just so I'm so desperate as I'm sure we all are to get out of this funk. It's not really getting us anywhere.

[00:31:57]So Rav Grenot is saying you'll still have differences of opinions.

[00:32:02]There'll be but there won't be makot is an amazing source of strength when it's sham when it's lash sham you know friends I want to I want to end by just giving us a very strong braha it's a braha of courage of courageousness of the heart it takes a lot of courage to do any of the things we tonight any of them.

[00:32:36]But I believe in the light that's shining bright on us tonight. Amuna's light of truth, the light of bliss, her light of emmet.

[00:32:46]And emtt again, emmet doesn't mean her opinions on any I don't even know her opinions on all matters. I barely know them on any matter.

[00:32:57]But I know about her the light that she had shone on to me as an individual. how much it affected me in such a powerful way. That light of wanting to be close to truth is still shining bright in the air.

[00:33:13]Not only is it only still shining bright in the air, it's available to anyone to grab on. But like the name that she took on, you can't get to any form of truth without filling your heart with love and faith. Without a there's no way to get closer to any form of truth without it. And when you have love and faith in your heart and then come to forming an opinion about something because we shouldn't be heer. We shouldn't be these walking empty vessels that are just like oh it's all good. Whatever we feel is no we have we have to have an opinion but the opinion shouldn't be we have our opinion is like this. Where are you holding? It's basically saying, "Listen, God gave me a brain. God gave me a heart. This is what I'm thinking. This is what I'm feeling, and it's not going to change the way I think about you. And I hope it doesn't change the way you think about me."

[00:34:11]It takes so much love and faith to walk into situations where there's difference of opinions and come out alive like this.

[00:34:19]May her precious soul soaring on high knock on heaven's door as hard as a can.

[00:34:27]Ending any ounce of exile that still exists in our midst.

[00:34:32]Tearing down not mllo but tearing down camps, dividing walls, dividing screens between each other. And may we have enough courageous courageousness in our heart to look at the gates that are opening before us and walk through them.

[00:34:52]ODA, a big big kiss and a hug from me and my family to all of