The family system. #shorts #trauma #fyp #healing #viral

Added: 2026-05-16

[00:00:00]When we think about, um, our family, we think about the people My mother did this, my father did that.

[00:00:07]And, uh, we run the old story through their personalities, right? Let's say if she had just been kinder, if he had just been softer, all those kind of things.

[00:00:14]But, the people in one's family are not necessarily operating from who they were. They are operating from the system that they are inside, right? And, um, the system actually shapes what a person can get.

[00:00:27]A kind person dropped in the system with no room for kindness has to figure out how to survive that system. And whatever they figure out, that's what gets passed to you.

[00:00:39]So, I don't think you should continue asking why was she like that. Start asking, um, what was she inside of?

[00:00:47]Family is not a collection of personalities, really. It's more of a a an architecture.

[00:00:53]The Yoruba calls the full container Ebi.

[00:00:56]That's a full lineage, aunts, uncles, cousins, and others, right? Uh, and for most of human history, a family was not two parents and some kids. A child had many mothers and many fathers in functional terms. And now just look at how most people just leave, um, two adults in the house, sometimes one, doing work that was always meant to be carried by, say, 20 people.

[00:01:20]And we wonder why everybody's necessarily exhausted.

[00:01:24]The architecture, in a sense, got compressed. Too much weight, too few people, right? And I don't think that's a personality problem, really. It's more of a structural problem.

[00:01:33]And inside that compression, something happens, right? Um, when two adults are in tension, and they cannot carry it between them, they're pulling a third person. Let's say, it's often a child, really. Maybe the eldest kid is running in interference, managing the temperature in the room, right? And that child was not volunteering for it.

[00:01:52]The architecture just put them there.

[00:01:54]And if you, uh, grew up being that third person or whatever, your nervous system learns that staying alert to other people is how you survive.

[00:02:03]You You probably still do it till this day, right? Not because something is necessarily wrong with you. It's because you were trained for it before you could actually choose.

[00:02:12]You can't necessarily see it from inside. You start to see it when you ask a question of what was the shape.

[00:02:18]Say "H P and less."