When Boundaries Turn Into Controlling Behavior - Part 2

Added: 2026-06-01

[00:00:00]you're respecting the team over the individual itself. Yes. Cuz you know, it's basically just you and I are one. Yeah. Talk to you. I think it's not only for us, but I think when people on the outside see that, they understand that okay, they are a team, you know?

[00:00:19]If if somebody like what happened when we were in Spain, somebody a girl, not a guy, but a girl asked, "Hey, you want to go out drinking tonight?"

[00:00:29]And you said, "No. Mhm. I'm not going to go out drinking alone or just a girls' night out because we've talked about that, right?

[00:00:38]So, that's part of being in a team, right?

[00:00:41]>> Yes. Yes. It's it's to make other people understand these are our boundaries. And after that, no one asked you to go out drinking because they understood that those are our boundaries, right?

[00:00:51]>> Yeah.

[00:00:52]They asked you.

[00:00:55]I I don't care to go out drinking either. [laughter] So, these are the kind of things we've talked about and we set boundaries, financial, when it comes to hanging out with friends, when it comes to When I say hang out friends, I'm talking about night time, going out drinking and all that. Yeah. Um we've talked about, you know, what we want to do in the future, work, education, what our boundaries are there. Um so, we set we've kind of made a plan for the future.

[00:01:27]It's not a plan set in concrete. The boundaries are kind of set in concrete, right? Yes.

[00:01:34]But we're flexible to try different things, go different places. Yeah. And you know, you always say, "Oh, Paul makes the final decision," which it might be, but I always consult with you first and make sure that you're okay with it, you know? That you're not unhappy, you know? I mean, I didn't decide to come to Thailand. We decided to come to Thailand.

[00:01:54]>> Yes. If we go to Spain, it'll be we deciding to go to Spain. It won't be me deciding to go to Spain. It'll be more her wanting to go to Spain.

[00:02:02]>> [laughter] >> So I just also want to add like setting boundaries in a relationship or in a marriage, it also filters out whether both of you are compatible with each other.

[00:02:14]Because if like in the beginning of the relationship, everything is rose-colored tinted glass, you know, you Mhm. It's like everything is nice and all that stuff.

[00:02:25]And you're not seeing the real like if whether you're going to be with that person in the long run.

[00:02:33]Because your attitude or her attitude might not be compatible with each other.

[00:02:39]So when you discuss something early on it um it approaches the issues Mhm. early. You know, you you talk about the things like, okay, if her attitude doesn't go well with my attitude, then the relationship is going to go into chaos. Yeah.

[00:03:02]So it is better to have that talk that what you accept in the marriage or in the relationship rather than waiting it out like later on maybe maybe you'll say, okay, maybe she will change or he will change.

[00:03:21]People don't just change immediately.

[00:03:24]Once they are set in their own Especially especially at an older age.

[00:03:30]>> Yeah, it is hard to change that habit.

[00:03:33]Yeah, because habits are hard to change.

[00:03:35]>> Yes, it takes time.

[00:03:36]>> a person is who they are.

[00:03:38]Now, they can change, but it takes a while, like you say. Because habits are difficult to change cuz you've been doing them all your life.

[00:03:44]If you're used to having coffee in the morning, changing that habit is hard. If you're used to smoking, that habit is hard to change.

[00:03:51]You know, if you're used to going out three times, four times with your friends drinking, it's a hard Those habits are hard to change cuz that's what your life is.

[00:04:00]So, but luckily, you didn't have those habits. I didn't have those habits. So, I only have a habit of drinking coffee.

[00:04:06]Yeah, me too. So, that's a good thing for us.

[00:04:09]So, what's the ultimate takeaway would you say, Mia? I would say that a controlling relationship, they shrink your world.

[00:04:17]But, a relationship with a boundaries or rules, they actually expands your relationship because you know exactly where that relationship will take because you got there's a guardrails and you can go head-on, full speed ahead >> ahead, yeah. without thinking or worrying that you will fall into a cliff. Drive off a cliff, yeah. Yes.

[00:04:44]So, having agreements and boundaries in a relationship, they aren't there to take away your freedom.

[00:04:52]They are there to Protect your freedom.

[00:04:54]>> Protect your peace, protect your relationship, protect everything that you value Mhm. Cuz it actually >> It actually does give you peace. It does, yes.

[00:05:02]>> Because we know what the boundaries are.

[00:05:04]Yeah, we know what we can do and what we can't do in a relationship if you want this marriage to work and to last.

[00:05:13]So, like, you know, you see a They're like in this generation now, there's a lot of divorces going on, separation, all that stuff.

[00:05:24]>> it's like 70, 75%. And when And 80% of them are initiated by women.

[00:05:30]Mhm, that's sad to think about it cuz before, maybe they will say it's going to be controversial, but before I like how um People stayed together.

[00:05:40]>> People stayed together.

[00:05:41]>> Families stayed together.

[00:05:41]>> Families stayed together because they the society actually shame the other person if they break the family.

[00:05:48]>> Yeah.

[00:05:49]We are all ashamed also. Yeah. So >> Because it's become in the US you know, 80% of divorces are initiated by women. Mhm.

[00:06:00]I think 80% or something around that number are of people incarcerated meaning in prison in the US now, men are they come from single mother homes.

[00:06:14]Um so society in my view is on a downward trend because there are very little boundaries. No more rules.

[00:06:23]>> Who's a What's a woman? What's a man? A man can be a woman, a woman can be a man, can be a dog, whatever. I mean there's no it just society's falling apart because the boundaries aren't set. There is no shaming. There is no rules anymore it seems like.

[00:06:41]>> Well, there are rules and there are boundaries but people tend to go overboard they you know, they break it.

[00:06:48]But cuz there's no consequences. Yeah.

[00:06:50]And you know, they they they can just do whatever they want. And they're like, oh it's okay, you know, it's um In the US for example people are uh rewarded for doing the wrong thing.

[00:07:03]Yeah.

[00:07:04]You get a divorce, you're rewarded with money, you know, if That's the thing. a girl's married to a multi-millionaire she gets divorced, she gets, you know, half of his stuff plus the alimony, plus child support, she's you know, she's rewarded for doing the wrong things and so we did not want a relationship like that. We wanted to make sure that our relationship will last because yes, we love each other but We have a plan now. in time, you know love a year or two we might fall apart and be kind of from each other but if we've have upon things and we follow those rules, I think it will last. Yeah, plus I know it will last.

[00:07:47]>> [laughter] >> Plus we have a son now, and you know, we want to give him the best of the world.

[00:07:52]>> Yes. With a parent Two parents.

[00:07:56]>> Two parents. And I come from a divorced family, and I know how badly It affects the It affected me, both psychologically and opportunities that I could have had that I don't have. But I don't want to get into that, but that's a long story.

[00:08:11]You also had some trauma with your mom and dad. They didn't get divorced, but they were apart for a while. Yes. And that affected you very negatively. So, we both know What it's like. What it's like, and how negatively it affects It can affect kids. Not always. I mean, if the parents do the right thing, it can be okay, but it will always stay The parents staying together will almost always be beneficial for the kid.

[00:08:35]Yes.

[00:08:36]For the whole being, like, emotionally, physically, mentally, and all that stuff, so. One thing I said to Mia before we had a baby, and she agreed on it. I don't think I had to say it, but I had to express it. Yes. Is that once we have a baby, It's no leaving. It's not about us. It's about the baby. It doesn't mean we don't live a life and have fun, but our first priority is that baby.

[00:09:00]Is to make sure he grows up grows up to a good kid. He gets a good education.

[00:09:06]He has a wonderful morals, that he has empathy.

[00:09:13]And he has all those things that I think makes a human being a great human being.

[00:09:18]I want that for him. And the only way or to secure that from happening is us staying together, and us doing our best for that kid.

[00:09:26]So, I told her once we have a baby, there are no divorces.

[00:09:30]No.

[00:09:30]You know?

[00:09:31]And of course, she agreed on that, so.

[00:09:33]Our next bet is to have a daughter.

[00:09:36]And then after that, Done. Clip, clip, I guess.

[00:09:39]For me. For you? Yeah. For me?

[00:09:42]So, with that, I think we're done with boundaries and uh of course, there'll be haters in the comments. There are always are. There are always negative people.

[00:09:52]Our lives are good and we're happy and you guys can spit all the negativity you want and be as miserable as you want. We don't care.

[00:09:59]I don't care.

[00:10:02]>> [laughter] >> If you've lived in the Philippines, you get that one. If not, you don't.

[00:10:08]Okay. With that, thank you for watching and I'll see you in the next one.