Does Narcissism get better with age? A research study...

Added: 2026-05-10

[00:00:08]Hi, I was recently asked a question by somebody who claimed that they had a narcissistic parent. And the question was from them. Is my parent going to improve as they get older and be less narcissistic? I couldn't really answer that question in the moment. I had a sort of a gut feeling that well maybe some bits and maybe some bits yes maybe some bits no but I didn't really know.

[00:00:31]So I thought I'd do a little bit of research and I found a very interesting study from 2024 in the psychological bulletin and the full reference for this will be in the description of the video actually looking at this specific thing.

[00:00:44]Do narcissists mellow with age? Is there is there an improvement? I.e. does the narcissism reduce as the person gets older? And and I think within this study and they looked at thousands and thousands of people, they're not looking at folks that have maybe just do some narcissistic stuff every now and then, like you have a moment of narcissism where you want to be in the limelight and you want to kind of get all the attention. They're not looking at that.

[00:01:08]They're thinking more in terms of the clinical nature of narcissism as a form of personality disorder. I.e. the narcissism is fundamentally a way of life of that individual, how they progress through everything they do. So, it's a it's a broad broadstroke uh personality system. And the study, as I said, looked at thousands and thousands of people and it broke down what the things were about this. Now, to start with, we're going to look at the three different types of narcissists that are known to be sort of knocking about. And the first of these is called agentic narcissism. And here's a description of that where most people think of as that's the typical narcissism where folks are focused on power and status, crave admiration, and have an inflated sense of self-importance.

[00:01:56]So those are the ones that we would most sort of I suppose ordinarily understand as being that the sort of the typical narcissist. The next category is neurotic narcissism. And here's a description of that. When someone needs constant validation and praise, reacts extremely sensitively to any criticism and often have feelings of shame, anxiety and self-doubt. So those are the ones I suppose where the individuals are sort of the much more internally holding that side of things to themselves. And the last type is antagonistic narcissism. And here's a description of that where the person is overly competitive, hostile towards others, lacks empathy. People with this type most often view others as rivals. And that's a real problem in terms of the parenting side of things because the antagonistic narcissist is probably very likely to see the child as a rival and do everything they can do to sort of reduce the impact and um success and things like that of their child and there you've got major major problems taking place. So those are the three categories of narcissists that were included within this study and the study findings are going to be coming up in this video. And the first thing the first sort of port of call from this study is that yes there is a tendency for narcissists to mellow with age a bit. So some aspects just get sort of like changed around the edges of things and some people actually might start relenting as they sort of realize as the aging process means that they're much less likely to sort of be the focus and be the the sort of like you know that that drive for attention is just going to sort of change over time. Sometimes related to the sort of work they might be doing or the the social status that they have retirement whatever those features might be. It just naturally sort of comes to an end. But the study also recognizes that the folks that have narcissism very early in their life, i.e. the ones that were a lot more narcissistic than their peers, tend to remain above their peers in terms of the narcissism. So while the narcissism might generally mellow with age a little bit, it's always going to remain much higher. So the the actual uh nature of the narcissism sounds like it doesn't really change with age a great deal and it sort of still remains quite on a high platform certainly higher than the peer group who would also be mellowing with age in different aspects of their own lives. But the real content the real interesting part of the study is is sort of like dealt with in the sense of the answer is much less yes. Therefore, we have a a slight reduction in some of the traits. So that they the the way that people respond to criticism, the way that they might be a little bit more sensitive or feel more entitled to things can slightly reduce as that aging process takes place. So that's the mellowing around the edges. And we also know that the ones that were much higher in terms of their narcissistic ratings in youth are likely to remain much higher than their peer group as they go along. But some of the challenges of the aging process in of itself are going to sort of create an increase or a worsening of the narcissistic or spectrum of behaviors. So for example, if a person is reducing in health or they're simply much much less active or their social status has reduced or their financial status has reduced, they can actually become worse. And the need for that admiration is going to increase as the potential for their admiration reduces. So they can become more angry. They can become more bitter. They can become more controlling and abusive as they try and grab that attention, as they try and demand that people are sort of looking at them, paying attention, respecting, and admiring them. And as they've got less to offer, they're much more likely to become sensitive to being ignored or being devalued by people. And they're going to up their game to try and restore all the stuff that they had earlier in their life. Also, the nature of the charm that a narcissist can often bring to the table, which hides or masks a lot of the abusive, controlling, manipulative behaviors, reduces as that person becomes sort of less viable. So as let's say the aging process changes image or financial status changes all of those kind of things the tendency to be more open in the behavior. So the charm can hide the sort of the nature of the abusive behavior. It can become a lot more open and a lot more hostile and a lot more readily apparent. And with these things in mind then, while there might be a bit of a mellowing, ultimately the nature of the narcissistic process does not change over time. That's what this study shows.

[00:06:48]It's a longitudinal study, thousands of people involved, and the conclusions are pretty clear. No one stops being a narcissist just because they get old.

[00:06:57]And sometimes their behavior can actually become worse. So the less that they get given because they're getting older, which is a natural process, sad though it might be, of modern society, the more that they become demanding and hostile and abusive to sort of maintain their admiration and their respect that they feel that they're entitled to. So the narcissism is not going to change.

[00:07:18]It's a concrete personality system that's set in place and without the intervention of therapeutic services or a will or a a determination to change that process, the person remains narcissist until the day they die. That seems to be what the case is here. And then the take-home message from the study and from the sort of like the reviews and the content, the discussion around this study is that if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, do not expect them to grow out of their narcissism and sort of suddenly become a nice decent old person simply because they've become old. That's not going to happen. Disengaging, protecting yourself from the narcissist is absolutely the way to go. If you're in a destructive, if you're in a manipulative relationship with a narcissist, that's the way to go.

[00:08:06]Obviously, for children that have grown up with narcissistic parents, it's a lot harder to disengage. And there are situations where protection and sort of just defending against the narcissism is really important. This is something that I've spoken about clinically in therapy with people, looking at their family members that are narcissists, ways of trying to disengage, ways of trying to protect, putting up boundaries, all of these kind of things. So, there are a number of things that can be done, but I suppose what I really want to get across with this video is do not expect it to change simply because your parent is aging. The the study shows it's not going to be the case. There might be some bits that you go, "Wow, okay, they are making a difference. They are seeming to be a little bit different."

[00:08:48]Oh no, but wait, here it is. Oh no, they're back to their normal stuff. Oh my goodness, that's actually worse.

[00:08:53]That's probably much more likely that's going to happen. And obviously the variation across the three types of the narcissists that we've looked at earlier in the video will mean that to a greater or lesser extent, those behaviors might change a little bit, but the essence of them simply not going to change. So that's really interesting and um I hope that this video uh is is helpful to the people that are in either sort of like in involved with narcissists in relationships with narcissists either from family members or from friendships whatever it might be and the realization the sort of the reality test of this to say that if that is that person is there in your life they're going to remain as they are and it's up to you really to how you deal with that because they're not going to change the nature of themselves. Okay, thanks ever so much for watching this video. Be really interested to hear comments. I've not done a video on narcissism before, spoken about it many times, discussed it many times. I've met quite a few. Um, so whether or not you want to see some little bit more content on this subject, please do let me know. And uh, yeah, we'll keep producing the videos for you.

[00:09:58]And in between now and the next one, as always, please do take great care.