1 month Hrt Update! (MTF)

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:01]Hey guys, it's Evette Browning.

[00:00:05]Um so this is like a little mini series which I want to do and my anniversary for starting HRT was like about I would say about a week and a half ago, but I have been putting off this video and I've been wanting to make it for God knows how long. Yeah, about a week and a half now. So now that I'm feeling inspired which is usually during the middle of the night. It's 4:00 in the morning.

[00:00:26]What's new? Uh I just felt like I wanted to finally do this and create this video so I can share it with people and inspire people to know that you're not alone in this and there are other people. Oh my gosh, you're not the only trans person in the world. There are others and I'm one of them.

[00:00:42]For the longest time I was not proud of this and I never really wanted to share it or speak up about it.

[00:00:47]But I'm like, you know what? I want to make this video because if it weren't for the people I found online, I probably would not have been able to transition ever. So that's why I want to make these kind of videos that can document my journey. This going to be the first episode of the many episodes that we're going to be doing and it's going to be again like a mini series. So I don't know how this going to work out, but I want to um yeah, basically just document my journey. So I started HRT about 1 month ago on March 21st um of 2000 2026. Gosh, where did the time go? Am I [laughter] right? Um but yeah, so I started on March 21st and um my anniversary was on April 21st. Right now it's the May 1st. So the 1st of May right now. Um so it just turned May. So I'm like, you know what? Now it's the 1st of May, we're starting up a new month. I want to document my journey. So yeah.

[00:01:40]So this first month has been a little bit of a wild ride. Um now I am starting under 18. So I'm kind of starting illegally. Uh in the state of Texas you are not allowed to start HRT um if you are minor and unfortunately I am just a few months away from turning 18, but I um legally bought drugs online which try not to do unless you're in desperate like me and um I was able to start HRT a little bit early on. So like under the age of 18. So um it's been a little bit of a wild ride this first month. I have noticed my like emotions kind of going like like no, not like that. Like Yeah, really really crazy.

[00:02:20]>> [laughter] >> So yeah, they've been a little bit all over the place which I expected. I mean it's normal, you know, going through that teenage emotional stage where you're just like rebelling and all that kind of stuff. Um yeah, that's what's been happening to me. I've been like, "Don't talk to me.

[00:02:36]Oh my god, I'm going to be a rebellious teen." Slam the doors all that kind of stuff. Yeah, that's what's been happening to me. Not really, that's just an exaggeration. But um yeah, that's what's been happening to me. I have found myself being more happier now.

[00:02:48]Like beforehand I like beforehand I was almost like depressed as I would call it. I didn't really have any emotions. I was like really like suppressed.

[00:02:57]Um you know, all the typical like you know, I just didn't really feel like life was worth living if that makes sense. Like I had my life on hard mode before I started HRT and um yeah, it was um it was not good, but I feel just a little bit more happier now. Like when something is funny, I never used to laugh at something. I'll be honest. Like things that normally would be funny to people, I used to be like hahaha hahaha Not funny at all.

[00:03:23]>> [laughter] >> Um but now I'm just like I laugh at everything. I'm more happier. Like the emotions are now much more like everything's just like I think it's just my brain and my brain's like euphoric almost and so I think that's probably why um why I've been feeling so much more better lately is just because of all the mental changes that are going on and are still going on. You know, 1 month is barely like anything um as right now.

[00:03:46]It's been like a month and a half, but you know what I mean. Um but yeah, so it's been yeah, a a wild crazy ride, but it's definitely been a fun one and um I will have to be on estrogen for the rest of my life. I do not want to ever go back to like I will say my hormones beforehand were very very low. Um like I'm still very very short. My bones are thin. I didn't really have any body hair.

[00:04:10]Um my voice didn't really get that deep.

[00:04:11]Like right now it's like very androgenous.

[00:04:14]Um I don't even have an Adam's apple. At least kind of keep one right there. See your Adam's apple?

[00:04:20]Um but yeah, so I was trying to What I'm trying to say is that beforehand I didn't really have much testosterone in my body. There was like not really much um which I don't think was normal. I think was part of the reason I was having so many mood swings um which is because of the fluctuations of everything. So yeah, I don't know what happened with that, but I'm glad I'm starting HRT now and I'm starting the correct hormones and it just it feels like a relief. Like beforehand I couldn't really imagine myself. Like I look back at the old photos of me with like shorter hair um and like really like thick eyebrows cuz I I just have like very very thick eyebrows naturally. Yeah, these are artificially trimmed eyebrows if you can't tell, but um yeah, like I look back at the older self and I just like Let me go and adjust this a little bit.

[00:05:06]But yeah, I look back at the older self and I just don't see me. It's so hard to explain and only trans people are ever going to understand like non-binary maybe, but like I just didn't see me in the past photos. Like that wasn't me.

[00:05:17]Like I don't know who that person was.

[00:05:19]They are a separate person and um yeah, like I've been feeling like this for like since I can remember. I've always been wanting to like dress like feminine. I always wanted like the the toys. I always wanted like horses and ponies and I'm not saying that wanting girly toys is like considered a like you're trans to be like girly toys, but I really showed the signs. Like on video games um like what what did I play back then?

[00:05:42]Like Roblox and stuff like that. I always had my character if there was like always like where you had to dress yourself up. Like I always had my character like as a girl and I never could understand why I did that. It was just something I did. I always tried to present myself online as feminine and because at the time I just didn't know like what that meant, but that's how I saw myself. And my parents would always like ridicule me for it. Like they would always be like, "Oh, why is your character a girl? Go change it to a boy or I'm going to delete the game off your freaking Xbox." Or that's what I had back then an Xbox 360. Um yeah, they'd always be like, you know, you cannot have that kind of stuff, you know. My parents they've changed a lot and back then they definitely were not as um like they didn't let me have anything feminine. I mean I'm not even joking.

[00:06:27]They would always cut my hair like really short. Like I would say it would probably wouldn't be any longer than this if I'm going to be honest. Like they would never let me have long hair.

[00:06:34]Um yeah, and I think that did quite a lot of damage I'll say and definitely prevented me from transitioning sooner.

[00:06:39]But anyway, anyway. Um I think I'm going to probably do like a coming out story probably like in the near future, but I know this is about HRT. So I kind of want to stay a little on topic here, but anyway, so yeah, that's kind of like some of the signs if you want to know like I don't want to like just say that you're trans cuz I'm not a professional. I'm just talking about my experience and what I went through and all the signs and stuff like that and um yeah, like I will admit I used to not like understand what trans people were.

[00:07:08]I used to be a little bit of a transphobe myself, but when I understood what dysphoria was, I was like it clicked. Like I heard a click. I'm not even joking. Like a light bulb instantly hit. I was like that makes so much sense. Like I finally understood like what I've been going through. So like I only thought like trans people were just like crossdressers. I was like, "What?

[00:07:29]That doesn't make any sense." But when I understood what dysphoria was and the whole like identity like disconnection thing, I finally like understood. I was like, "That's me." And that was about almost a year ago where I decided I'm going to make this decision. So it's been definitely one of the one of the best like decisions I've ever made and there's been a lot of, you know, backlash from my family. I'd be lying to you if I told you it hasn't damaged my relationship with my family and it definitely hurts, but at the same time I know that if I don't do this, then I'm probably just never going to make it. I'm going to stay inside my house forever. I'm going to be I'm going to have a lot of social anxiety. I'm going to have anxiety and depression for the rest of my life.

[00:08:10]If I just stayed the way I was before.

[00:08:13]Um [snorts] you know, my mom always tells me like, "Oh, I like you the way before, you know, I miss my son." You know, all that kind of stuff. You know, I don't feel like I have a child anymore.

[00:08:23]All that kind of bad stuff, but you know, I just this is me. This is how I've always been. I don't know why this happens to me, but it is and that's just kind of what I thought like this is just what I have to go through, you know? It's hard and I don't wish to be trans obviously. Like it's a very very hard and very difficult thing to go through, but you know, it's like that end goal.

[00:08:48]You're looking at the light at the end of the tunnel and right now since I've transitioned for the first time I can finally finally see that light at the end of the tunnel that almost seemed like non-existent beforehand.

[00:09:00]Um yeah, I I didn't really see any hope for me. Like I don't know like I just like it's start transitioning just finally allowed me to like see myself and now I've started going out in public again.

[00:09:12]I've started like trying to interact with people again. I go back to high school very soon. I actually I've been homeschooled for the last few years because I've been I had so much anxiety.

[00:09:22]Like it was terrible. Like I had so much anxiety and depression. I mean it was terrible. I started um rejecting myself from family. I started kind of like you know, reserving myself because I just didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. And that was pretty terrible and I do not wish that upon anybody. It's absolutely terrible. It was horrible. But since I've transitioned I felt, you know, a little more comfortable um talking and getting out there because you know, obviously I'm being the person I am inside and I think that's a pretty good thing. It's a very beautiful thing.

[00:09:55]So [snorts] yeah, it's pretty awesome. Woo!

[00:09:59]Blonde streak. So, I'm into blonde streak. Um [laughter] yeah, I love my blonde streak. It's just so amazing.

[00:10:05]It's been with me since I pre-transition. I've had a blonde streak for since ever. So, I feel like for me and also my hair like my hair I feel like is one of my favorite parts about my transition because I feel like as long as I've transitioned is as long as my hair is pretty much. Cuz I started growing it out like I actually always have wanted long hair like I always dreamed of having like Rapunzel length hair. Like, you know, that's just how I've I've always wanted long hair. Um I just never got to grow it out until I was a little bit older. But, yeah, that's one of my favorite parts about transitioning is just having long hair because it's like as long as I've been trans as as long as my hair is. Like, I think that's just like kind of like a symbolic thing to think about. Like, I know it kind of sounds a little egotistical, but I don't know like it just it's really awesome.

[00:10:52]Um yeah, so I know this is the best decision I've ever made. And I don't care what anybody else says. I don't care what Matt says. Even though I care about what he thinks. I don't care about what anyone thinks. Even the people who I care a lot about the most like my parents have definitely wanted me to de-transition. Like, they're like, "You know, you're going to regret this. You know, transitioning is like not really a trendy thing anymore. You know, it's you're going to make it's going to make your life 18 times harder."

[00:11:16]But, I'm transitioning because I want to. I'm not transitioning for Matt, my boyfriend, cuz you know, he's the love of my life and I want to marry him.

[00:11:24]But, um you know, I'm doing this for myself and for my own to find happiness and peace within myself because for a long time before I didn't transition that was something I never had. And I put my life pretty much on pause. I have sincerely loved I love myself. I love so much. I love who Bethany is. I don't like how I don't like who John or I don't want to say my dead name.

[00:11:47]>> [laughter] >> But, um I don't like who that that other guy was. I consider him my dead twin brother. I murdered him.

[00:11:55]Sorry. Anyway, um yeah, I don't like I don't like who that person is. I consider them from my past and I don't want to ever go back. I know there's going to be I know not everybody is is accepting and I know it's going to be quite hard to live like this, but at the same time it's like if I don't do this then I don't think I'm going to be here in 5 years if I'm going to be honest.

[00:12:13]Like, I don't think I'm going to make it to my early 20s cuz I'm 17 right now. So, yeah, I'm going to be able to be 18 very soon which I'm very excited about.

[00:12:22]Believe me, I'm very excited to be 18.

[00:12:24]It'll be so glorious.

[00:12:26]Um because you know, I'll be able to I'll be able to do more things. I'll be able to legally change my name to what I want. Um It's just going to be pretty awesome. I get to just, you know, live my life authentically as I've always wanted to and that's going to be really really exciting.

[00:12:42]Um you know, I know there's going to be I know there's going to be a lot of people out there who are going to be like not supporting, but um I know the majority of people depending on like where you live and stuff like that is better. Like, I know more to the west people are more accepting and that's just kind of how it's always been. But, here in Texas like the southern states are um Republican. You know, people have their own beliefs and um generally in Texas like Alabama's probably the worst state to be trans in. Oh my god, that's like a prison. It's like do not travel.

[00:13:14]Do not travel if you're in Alabama.

[00:13:16]Like, they don't even they don't even let you start HRT till you're like 21 was it or 19? Yeah, they have like really strict laws.

[00:13:23]Anyway, um but yeah, like if I was in California I could have started HRT at 16. Like, they have so many gender clinics and there's like no gender clinics here in Texas. There's no gender gender clinics at all. From what I've seen. I think there's like one in Dallas, but like they're shutting them down. They're shutting them down and it's terrible.

[00:13:41]Um it's absolutely horrible and I get the reason why like a lot of people like may regret their transition, but what about the people who actually are trans? What about the people who've always had dysphoria? It's just not fair because like the people like Lily Tino and all those kind of other I don't want to get too political, but like all the all those crazy other random people give us such a bad name. You know, it's not all of us. We're not all Lily Tino. You know, some of us are just trying to live our lives and um you know, just be who we are meant to be. So, I think that's a pretty awesome thing. I do agree that transitioning is something that maybe should be done a little bit closer to adulthood and maybe if you're like 15 or 16 or 17 because obviously when you're a kid you're going through a lot of like mental changes, but to not be able to transition at all means just not really being able to live if I'm going to be honest.

[00:14:34]So, anyways, you guys I want to start wrapping up this video cuz I know it's getting quite lengthy and I completely went off topic, but that's just kind of an overview of the life of a trans girl.

[00:14:44]Yes.

[00:14:45]Um you know, it's just it's you know, I'm so happy that I'm able to start HRT. I'm so glad I have the privilege because not everyone out there has the privilege of starting HRT and I feel so bad for those people. Like, they deserve to start HRT at like I don't know if I'm going to start at 18. I don't know if I'm going to start till my 20s. I mean, it's horrible. Some people get on waiting lists and they have to wait like years. I mean, it's terrible. Everybody should be able to at least with professional help. Like, don't just do it on your own like me. I mean, unless you're under 18 and desperate. But, you know what I mean. I mean, you know, I feel so bad for those people who have even more strict parents than I have and are just like, "You do not transition. Do not do this or you're or I'm kicking you out." Like, just terrible terrible parents like that. I really hope I really hope that's not the case for you. Um I hope that you can find support groups. Like, finding support groups is one of the best things you can ever do. Like, even if it's not it doesn't even have to be like gender dysphoria. It could just be like, you know, cancer or like it just a disability that you have. Not saying that transitioning is a disability, but you know what I mean. A group of people who are all going through the same thing and meeting up together because you guys all have things in common, right? And like when you're all like, you know, getting along and having things in common, you know, it instantly like makes you feel like you have a community and friends and stuff like that. And so, it's really awesome. So, I strongly recommend that you seek out help and find that people actually do care about you because I know while it seem I know while it might seem like really really hard and like a lot of people may seem like really mean, believe me I found amazing wonderful people like Baby Matthew who was able to get me HRT because, you know, he loves me.

[00:16:20]You know, I'm just kind people like that. They're out there and you can find them. You just knew you just have to know where to find them because they're not easy. Sometimes it may be through randomness, but just remember that kind people are out there who do care about you. So, yeah, I just remember that you are never alone even though it may feel like that. So, yeah, just don't be just don't be a whatchamacallit. A wimp. I don't know.

[00:16:46]>> [laughter] >> Oh my gosh.

[00:16:48]Like, um but yeah, so I think I'm going to wrap up this video now and um yeah, I'm really excited for the future. I want to do more videos. Let me know how you guys like this video if I should do more of them. Let me know if you want a coming out story which I really want to do. I think that might be my next video, but I want to see how this one does. And I will see you in the next video, you guys. Bye-bye.