Ways I Am Different From Non-Autistic People In My Life

[00:00:18]Hello and welcome back to Autistic After Hours. I'm your host Ashra. And today I wanted to talk about some of the main differences that I notice in my life between myself and the non-autistic people in my life. And I thought this would be interesting because autistic traits are human traits and so to a certain degree most people experience certain autistic traits.

[00:00:42]And this doesn't necessarily mean that they are autistic. Of course not everybody is autistic, but autistic traits are human traits and when I say that what I mean is that autistic traits can be experienced by everyone to a certain degree. And that doesn't necessarily mean that they meet diagnostic criteria. What it means is that autistic people are humans and so autistic traits are inherently human traits. Meaning that everyone experiences certain autistic traits to certain degrees. That is why today I wanted to talk about things that I've noticed in my actual day-to-day life that are distinctly traits of myself, traits of the way that I experience being autistic. Things that the non-autistic people in my life seem to not experience. And I thought this would be fun to talk about these actual very real differences because I think often times non-autistic people are very inclined to when they hear about autistic traits be like, "Oh, I do that too." or "I experience that too."

[00:01:39]because again autistic traits are human traits and that makes sense.

[00:01:43]But at the same time there are very real differences and there are ways that the non-autistic people in my life do not relate to my autistic traits and that is because they are not autistic and I am.

[00:01:53]And this video is not meant to be all-inclusive. Like if I'm talking about the things I experience as an autistic person and you do not relate to that as an autistic person, that is totally valid. We are not the same. That is okay. This is just specifically the things that I've noticed in my life that I do that the non-autistic people in my life don't seem to do. And I thought it would be kind of fun to highlight that and talk about that today. Before we get into the episode, quick reminder to follow Autistic After Hours on Instagram. We are over 80k or close to 80k followers on there, which is amazing. Thank you so much for the support. And also a reminder to follow or subscribe wherever you're listening right now, whether that is on Spotify, Apple, or YouTube. It helps me out a lot. So, some of the things that I notice that I do as an autistic person that many of the non-autistic people in my life have reported that they do not do are as follows. The first thing is I rehearse scripts and I rehearse conversations in my head before I actually do them. So, for example, if I'm going to hang out with a friend, let's say let's say I'm driving to go hang out with a friend, the entire ride there, I will without even realizing it a lot of the times, be playing in my head how I think the conversation is going to go. I will be essentially re-enacting how I think the conversation is to is going to go.

[00:03:25]So, it'll sound like, "Hi. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you?" Like, I will be rehearsing I will be rehearsing every single part of the conversation.

[00:03:35]Like, the introduction, what I think we're going to talk about. And this actually isn't something that I realized that I did until it was pointed out that it was like an autistic trait. Like, once I heard that other autistic people do this, I started to catch myself doing it.

[00:03:52]And so it's not even like a conscious thing where I'm like, "Okay, it's time to do this now." It's like I just notice it. I just hear it happening in my head.

[00:04:03]I realize that I'm doing it and it's something that I've always done, but I didn't even realize I was doing until I learned about autism and learned that this was like an autistic trait. And again, there may be non-autistic people that do this and it doesn't necessarily mean they're that they are autistic, but it's just something that I've talked to non-autistic people in my life and I've been like, "Do you do this?" And they're like, "No, I don't do that." And I'm like, "Oh, wow, that is so interesting that that difference exists in our brains where like I spend so much of my time rehearsing conversations, preemptively pre-planning, like thinking about how a conversation's going to go so that I can be prepared for it. I find it so interesting, like in my mind I thought it was just normal to do that.

[00:04:45]Like I thought it was just something that people did and it's so interesting to me that there are people out there that don't do this because so much of my time is occupied with this even subconsciously. Like again, I do it without even realizing it. It's only after I learned that it was autistic trait that I actually became very aware of how much I do this. Like I catch myself doing it all the time. Another thing that I notice that I do that the non-autistic people in my life don't do is I have to plan everything or like know the steps of everything that we're going to do before we do it. And what this looks like is if I know I'm going to be going somewhere or doing something with somebody, I will want to plan out every single step beforehand. So I want to know every piece of what we're doing.

[00:05:42]Like I want to know the order that we're doing it in. I want to know roughly how much time we're going to be doing it. I want to know roughly what time we're going to be leaving. I want it all planned out and I need like specific step-by-step planning or else I will feel like I can't be present. And of course this is something that many people do. Lots of people are big planners, but specifically in my life this is something that I've noticed that I do very much and the non-autistic people in my life don't seem to be as preoccupied with this kind of planning.

[00:06:18]And I specifically notice it because a lot of people get annoyed with me for it. So it's like obvious that it's something that they don't necessarily like or want to do and something that I need to do and it has posed issues in my relationships because sometimes it's misunderstood as me like not wanting to do it or me being too controlling when in reality it's because I want to be able to enjoy my time with you. That's just how my brain works. Something else that I noticed that I do that non-autistic people in my life don't seem to do nearly as much is I info dump. I give information to people in almost essay-like format and it's something that I notice that I do that other people don't do because when I do it people seem taken aback by it and it almost halts conversations.

[00:07:12]And it's unfortunate because it is a big way that I communicate and it sucks because when I do it a lot of times people don't know how to respond or they kind of don't even know where to start.

[00:07:28]Like if I tell somebody about something that I'm learning about or something that I'm interested in like the way that I know how to do that and communicate that is I just give the full thing. Like I give a full I just like say the whole thing.

[00:07:43]I info dump. I notice that people are like, "Oh."

[00:07:47]after I'm done.

[00:07:48]And it just like stops a lot of times.

[00:07:51]People don't know how to like even ask me questions about it, probably because I've given a lot of information that maybe they don't even know what I'm talking about.

[00:07:59]But I don't really know how to do it any other way. I don't know how to like not just spill out all of the information that I've like pre-memorized, basically.

[00:08:10]And so, this is something that I notice that I do that seems to clash with the way that the non-autistic people in my life communicate, which is unfortunate, because it's like the main way that I know how to engage. Something else I've noticed is that I tend to get hung up or like ask for details that many other people don't seem to need or want or they don't realize why they would be important when I'm engaging in conversation with people, especially again, like when they're non-autistic people, I notice that it's almost like they are in a certain type of conversational flow, and then I am hung up on details that for them, they just like move through.

[00:09:01]I will be asking questions that other people seem to like almost be confused why I would be asking that question or why I would be so hung up on that part of the conversation.

[00:09:13]I just notice that my brain seems to catch on things in conversations that are parts that other people ignore or or go over or it's just like not the main point of the conversation, I guess.

[00:09:31]And this is something that I notice with non-autistic people in my life where it's almost like it seems like they're like more aligned in the conversation and they are looking at big picture parts of the conversation. Whereas I am focusing in on smaller parts that other people don't understand why I would be focusing on.

[00:09:54]And this is another unfortunate thing because it also often makes me feel like the odd one out. Again, similar to the info dumping, it makes me feel like I'm not part of the conversation or like I don't know how to be part of it in the way that they want me to or the way that they know how to communicate best. It's another thing that I notice a lot as an autistic person that is often around mostly non-autistic people. Another thing that I notice that I do that non-autistic people in my life don't seem to do as much is seek out alone time and quiet space whenever I'm in a social situation.

[00:10:37]I will need to be taking lots of breaks. I will go off on my own a lot. I will leave the group a lot. I will be doing things to minimize sensory input like wearing certain ear plugs or my noise canceling headphones. I will try to seek out more one-on-one time rather than being actually in the group with everybody else.

[00:11:00]And this is something that I think a lot of introverts in general would relate to, but in my life particularly I notice that even when there are other introverted people, if they're not autistic, I notice that I just do it way more regardless, even if they are introverted. Like I said, specifically just with non-autistic people, I notice that I just do this way, way more.

[00:11:23]I seek out alone time a lot, a lot more than the people in my life that are not autistic.

[00:11:31]I seek out breaks way more. Like anytime I'm at a social event, a family gathering, whatever, I will be going to the bathroom a lot. I will be going off on my own. I'll want to go on a walk by myself. I just need way more alone time and I just get overstimulated a lot easier than the non-autistic people in my life.

[00:11:56]And it's not even that they don't get overstimulated. Like I'm sure that they get Perhaps a better word would be overwhelmed.

[00:12:03]Many of the non-autistic people in my life can probably better relate to that experience of being overwhelmed. Whereas for me, overstimulation is a is a different thing and it's not something that I can ignore or it's not something that I can like push off because then I'll have a shutdown or even a meltdown. That's really all I can think of right now. I think I'm home for the summer with family and so these types of differences have just been a lot more obvious to me because I've been surrounded by more people that are different from me and I've been surrounded by a lot of not autistic people.

[00:12:44]And it's just very obvious when you're surrounded by a lot of non-autistic people, it's just for me becomes really obvious the ways that my autistic traits stand out. And I'm curious to hear from you if you relate to this or if you have noticed other ways that your autistic traits seem to be really different from the non-autistic people around you.

[00:13:07]And obviously it's like intuitive. It's like of course, you know, there are ways that my autistic traits are not experienced by the non-autistic people in my life.

[00:13:18]But I thought it would just be particularly interesting to talk about because there are also so many ways that non-autistic people do relate to certain autistic traits because again, as I keep saying, autistic traits are human traits.

[00:13:31]But, it's also important at the same time to remember that there are very real differences. And there are so many ways that being surrounded by non-autistic people makes me realize, like truly, like wow, how much being autistic impacts me and does make me stand out as different.

[00:13:53]There are so many traits that I have that the non-autistic people in my life really don't experience or don't relate to.

[00:14:01]And that is what I wanted to touch on today. Thank you as always for listening. Reminder to follow or subscribe wherever you are listening or watching. And as always, remember autistic adults exist. We deserve awareness, support, community, and acceptance. And I'm so grateful that you're here.

[00:14:17]I'll talk to you again soon. [music] Bye.