3 Pokedex Entries That Are Physically IMPOSSIBLE

追加: 2026-05-09

[00:00:00]The Pokédex has long been a source of fun in the Pokemon community with its crazy descriptions of Pokemon and nonsensical size information. Things like Whailord being almost lighter than air itself, Larvatar eating mountains, or Megatriology giving people cancer.

[00:00:21]Sorry, what was that last one again?

[00:00:23]These entries paint the Pokemon world as a dangerous, explosive, downright haunting place, far from the happygolucky natural paradise we find in the games. I mean, if these things were lore accurate, they'd have included the halfozen Pokémon that can kidnap you in a horrifying variety of ways for completely unknowable reasons. Where are my alakazams with brains so large they break their own necks? Beeons leaping off of cliffs to their deaths? Or angry gods destroying villages of the ungrateful? Cowards? Well, I think I actually have an explanation for why the Kanto region doesn't look more like Mad Max. And it's all because of one false assumption that every prior Pokedex video before this has made that this thing is right. We all assume that these professors and or small children writing these up have done their research, that these descriptions are supported by scientific evidence and rigor. But that simply isn't the case. Some of these claims aren't just outlandish, they're physically impossible and provably false based on information in the games. So today, I'm making a list.

[00:01:54]A list of professors who are shams and hacks that embarrass the research community with every word they write.

[00:02:02]Spoilers, they're all on it. And I'm coming for each and every one of them with the unstoppable POWER OF SCIENCE.

[00:02:09]THIS is three Pokédex entries that are physically impossible.

[00:02:15]Richard, hit that intro.

[00:02:28]This video was voted on by all my supporters on Patreon. I'm honestly not that good at promoting this, but uh hey, if you got a couple extra bucks to send my way each month, it really goes a long way to supporting the channel and ensuring that I can keep making videos like this each and every week. Link in the description down below. All right, let's get on with the video. Let's start with a fan favorite, Mag Cargo.

[00:02:49]According to its Pokédex entry from Pokemon Sapphire, Mag Cargo's body temperature is approximately 18,000° F. Water vaporizes on contact. If this Pokémon is caught in the rain, the raindrops instantly turn into steam, cloaking the area in a thick fog. Now, for all my friends across the pond who hate Fahrenheit with the fury of a thousand suns, 18,000° F is pretty hot. Just under 10,000° C. I'm sure you've heard the popular trivia fact before that this makes my cargo hotter than the sun.

[00:03:27]And that is true.

[00:03:29]From a certain point of view, the surface of the sun is around 10,000° F, nearly two times colder than Macargo, but the core gets up to 27 million° F.

[00:03:46]Still, 18,000° F is insanely hot. Enough to vaporize most rocks and minerals.

[00:03:57]Or is it? The phrasing is a bit vague, but body temperature generally refers to an internal temperature. For example, humans have an internal body temperature of 98.6° F. The animal with the highest known internal temperature is the somber hummingbird of Brazil at 113° F. However, as you move away from the core, that temperature starts to drop.

[00:04:28]Depending on the temperature of the environment you're in, your skin could be around 5% cooler than your body. Not a big difference for us, but when you're as hot as Mag Cargo, that 5% drop blows up to over a thousand degrees, which is still significantly hotter than the surface of the sun. Now, to be fair, thermodynamics is an insanely complicated field that I am very bad at.

[00:04:58]With enough wildly optimistic assumptions about Mac Cargo's biology, I'm sure there is a world where its skin sludge stuff, whatever it is, is cold enough to not melt straight through the ground below it. But at the end of the day, that doesn't actually matter because in order to cool the skin, that heat has to radiate out into the environment. Think of it like the opposite of putting an ice cube into a glass of warm water. As the ice cube warms up and melts, the water cools down. As me cargo cools down, the space around it must then heat up.

[00:05:45]And this is where it gets crazy. Radiant emittance is a measure of how much heat an object pushes out from its surface per second divided by the surface area of that object. And it's actually pretty easy to calculate. All you have to do is multiply this number right here known as the Stefan Boltzman constant by the temperature of the object in Kelvin raised to the 4th power. Plugging in the temperature for mag cargo, we get a radiant emittance of 567 megawws per square meter.

[00:06:24]I'm guessing that's a pretty meaningless number to anyone, but stay with me.

[00:06:28]Imagine this radiant emittance like a sphere growing away from my cargo. As the sphere grows, its surface area gets larger proportional to the square of the radius. Because radiant emittance is dependent on the surface area. That means that the intensity decreases proportional to the square of the radius. Using this, we can calculate the ambient air temperature at any given distance r from that cargo. And this right here reveals the first lie of the Pokédex. It states that water is vaporized on contact. False. At this temperature, water would be vaporized by the ambient temperature of the air around my cargo at a distance of 5.8 m, long before it ever had a chance to make contact in the first place. So, either this line about water is wrong, or more likely, the temperature is wrong.

[00:07:33]Macargo is actually way colder and Birch just needs to learn how to read a thermometer better. I mean, it's based on a snail, which are coldblooded and can't even regulate their internal body temperatures like this anyway. So, I don't know how that would even happen.

[00:07:46]Vaporizing all the water within 6 m of you, also probably means that you're vaporizing all the water inside of you, which is pretty bad considering water is needed for pretty much everything that your cells do. Even if you're a magma slug, it's also one thing to be that hot and a whole another thing to stay that hot. Humans burn around 900 calories a day, solely maintaining a body temperature of just under 100°. In order to stay this hot, my cargo would need to consume around 162,000 calories or around 325 entire Thanksgiving turkeys every single day. Considering it's tied for the 74th slowest Pokemon of all time, that seems unlikely. So yeah, I'm pretty confident in saying that this Pokédex entry is busted.

[00:08:51]For this next entry, we have to move from these fiery caves to the deep sea because we're talking about Lantern. I mean, surely this happy little mascot of my longtime friend, a lantern Joe, couldn't break the laws of reality, right?

[00:09:09]I mean, yeah, it made it into the video, so uh spoilers. I probably wouldn't be talking about it if it did. The light it emits is so bright that it can illuminate the sea's surface from a depth of over three miles.

[00:09:21]That doesn't SOUND TOO BAD. OH. OH, MY EYES. OH. OH, the light of God. The light of God. Save me. Save me. Lantern is based on an angler fish. You know the guys with the little like lights on the front of their faces. Only Lantern is a tad bit cuter and a tad bit brighter.

[00:09:40]Just a tad though. In the same way that we did with the heat radiance, you can think of light intensity as a growing sphere. As the sphere gets larger, the light is spread out over a larger surface area, resulting in a lower intensity. Now, if lantern were out in the vacuum of space, this intensity would be pretty easy to calculate. But that's not the case with this deck entry. Between you and lantern is three miles of salty ocean which can absorb and scatter light as it goes, making it very difficult for a photon to reach your eye. We can model the change in intensity of light moving through a medium using the beer Lambert law because apparently physics is filled with equations named after precisely two central European dudes. Modifying this equation to solve for intensity, we get this. The intensity of light at any given distance X is equal to the original intensity at the source time E to the power of the distance times negative alpha, the linear attenuation coefficient of the medium the light is traveling through. And basically that describes just how quickly the light is scattered or absorbed. Assuming the water is clear of any silt or debris, salt water has a coefficient of about 0.04 inverse meters. 3 m is equal to 4,828 m. And based on my research, the lowest light intensity that the naked eye can still detect is around 10 to the -10 watts per meter squared. Plugging all of those into our equation, we can find that lantern's light would need to shine with an intensity of 10 to the 73 watts per meter squared. For reference, our old pal, the surface of the sun, shines with an intensity of 10^ the 7 watts per meter squared, making lantern one unveilion times brighter. And no, I didn't just make that number up. It's just so absurdly large that you would never ever need to know it. In fact, this is so bright there is literally no possible way to put it into context. But I'll try. The most powerful explosions possible in the universe, second in electromagnetic emissions only to the big bang, are known as gamma ray bursts, caused when a massive star goes hypernova and collapses into a black hole. If our eyes were sensitive enough to see gamma radiation and you were standing right next to it, it would have an intensity of around 100 quintilion watts per meter squared. This is just about the brightest thing our universe can produce. And lantern is still 100 sexilion times brighter, which I would just like to reiterate is not a number that I made up. This is easily enough to blind anything that looks at it, including itself. And that's honestly the least of your words. Using the Stefan Boltzman law again, we can find that lantern's bulb would be around 100 quintilion degrees Kelvin, making it 6 billion times hotter than the core of the sun. Me cargo, eat your heart out.

[00:13:34]So yeah, we still got all the same temperature-based problems that we talked about with Mac cargo. It's going to ionize the water around it and the blood in its own veins. It's straight up impossible and completely unnecessary. For now, let's move away from the how and into why a fish might want a little light on the front of its head. There are a wide array of deep sea organisms and even some not so deep not so sea ones that produce their own light in a variety of ways for a variety of reasons. For example, the lantern fish produces pale lights along its belly through the chemical reaction of two enzymes as a form of camouflage.

[00:14:20]Now, taping a bunch of flashlights to your stomach when you live in the deep, dark ocean might not seem like the wisest way to hide, unless, of course, you're trying to blend in against the faint light coming from the ocean surface above you, obscuring your silhouette. The angler fish, which is much more closer to lantern in terms of form, doesn't actually produce light at all.

[00:14:47]Instead, the lures of the females are filled with a symbiotic bacteria that glows. As to why? Well, these things live so deep in the ocean that we actually don't really know for sure.

[00:15:04]It's believed that they use them to attract prey or potentially for mating purposes, like the colorful plumes of a peacock, but we've only managed to catch them on video in their natural environment.

[00:15:17]half a dozen times. So, it's hard to say. And speaking of depth, this Pokédex entry has another crazy implication that I don't see many people talking about.

[00:15:27]The fact that Lantern's light can supposedly be seen from 3 miles below the surface implies that Lantern lives 3 miles below the surface, which means that it needs to survive having three miles of ocean on top of it. Now, there are real fish that live this deep in what we call the baipelagic or midnight zone because these things make the twilight zone look tame. In addition to the angler fish, you have such joys as the gulper eel, the Sloan's viper fish, or the dagger tooth. You know it's a fun place when the Wikipedia page sounds like a monster manual. In order to survive the crushing pressures, cold temperatures, and scarce resources, fish down here have very different physiologies than ones closer to the surface. The problem is when you bring a fish that's specifically evolved to live in high pressure environments to the much lower pressure surface, let's just say it doesn't end too well for them. The fact that lantern A hasn't already evaporated the Pokemon world's oceans and B doesn't barrow traumate into a blob the second you send it out in a gym means that Professor Elm should probably doublech checkck his depth measurements. That's another Pokédex entry busted.

[00:17:01]All right, we've already saved the Pokemon world from a slug that's hotter than the sun and a fish that's way hotter than the sun. So, let's go with something a little more tame, shall we?

[00:17:13]I mean, how worldbreaking could Ponytop be, right? It's just a horse that's on fire. I guess that's not great, but its body is light and its legs are incredibly powerful. It can clear Ayer's rock in one leap. Ayer's Rock, for those who don't know, is a huge sandstone monolith in northern Australia, now known as Uluru from the language of the native people of the area. It stands 348 m high and at its absolute narrowest point, 1.9 kilometers across. That's 1,140 ft high by 1.2 miles for all my Americans, or about one Eiffel Tower and five times as wide for all my friends in France.

[00:18:03]You probably got the metric one, too.

[00:18:04]But that's a pretty big leap. So, is it possible? For simplicity sake, let's assume that Oluru is a perfect parabola and Ponyita is just barely clearing it.

[00:18:20]What launch speed would be required to leap this natural wonder in a single bound? Good news for us. Physicists and mathematicians have been doing parabas based math for a pretty long time and have given us plenty of equations to model this. Let's use this one right here, which relates the horizontal distance traveled to the initial velocity. We know that our minimum possible range is 1,900 m. Vo is the initial velocity of Ponytail's jump, which we need to find. G down here is the acceleration due to gravity here on Earth where good old Aluru is located.

[00:19:04]That's equal to 9.8 m/s squared. That just leaves us with one last value to find the initial angle of the jump relative to the ground. This can be found with another parabola formula. the arc tangent of 4 * the height of the jump divided by the distance. Plugging that into a calculator, cuz ain't nobody knows how to do arc tan by hand, we find a minimum launch angle of 36.22°.

[00:19:37]Now, we can plug that back into our range formula and solve for V. To find that ponyt, we need an initial launch velocity of 139.7 m per second or 312 mph. Hey, but it's fine, man. Don't worry about it. That's totally not a problem because the Pokédex told us that Ponyta is light.

[00:20:01]So, it can get up and over that rock, no problem. Assuming that about half of Ponyta's height is legs, that gives it a pushoff distance of half a meter.

[00:20:12]Accelerating an object with the mass of Ponyta to a speed of 312 mph over that distance would result in a force of 2,000 gs or 2,000 times stronger than Earth's gravity, which actually is a bit of a problem. To put that in perspective, the highest amount of G's ever survived by a human was by indie car driver Kenny Brock, who experienced 214 G's for a fraction of a second. The bush cricket, who possesses one of the best jump to size ratios in the animal kingdom, can jump up to 60 times its body length and survive up to 300 G's in the process. Ponyta is a horse who can jump almost 2,000 times its body length and experience 10 times more G forces than any known creature can survive.

[00:21:13]Completely ignoring the insane biomechanics and muscle mass required to achieve this acceleration, which by the way would add on a ton of extra mass the ponytail would then need to lift.

[00:21:26]There's just no way that a horse, flaming or otherwise, could survive this jump without turning all its internal organs into jam. This deck's entry is busted.

[00:21:39]Also, I feel like all this math has kind of buried the lead here in the context of the Pokemon world.

[00:21:46]The heck is a rock? Does Australia exist? I know that Pokemon regions are based on real places, but they're not exactly the same. Last I checked, Spain doesn't have a massive crater in the middle with a portal through time.

[00:22:03]I guess admittedly, I haven't checked in a while, so I guess it's possible.

[00:22:06]Unless the Pokemon world just so happens to have a completely different thing called Aayers's Rock that's just like not that big of a rock and could easily be jumped by a horse. Huh.

[00:22:20]I guess this one is technically plausible then.

[00:22:24]So there you have it. Undeniable proof that the pressers and/or small children of the Pokémon world are total hacks and the Pokédex is a worthless piece of trash. So I don't want to hear you bringing it up in any of these lion debates. All right. Of course, we've only looked at three entries today, which is but a drop in the bucket of absurdity and professional ineptitude.

[00:22:50]Heck, even Ponyt got a completely different impossible deck entry that I didn't even get to talk about. So, hey, if you want to see a part two to this, let me know your favorite absurd Pokédex entries that you'd like to hear the physics of in the comments down below.

[00:23:05]Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some research licenses to revoke. Oak, you are out of your mind and you're out of a job, you emptyheaded dump.

[00:23:14]And a massive thank you to all my supporters on Patreon, including Alakazam, Sherry and Mark, Cydian, Big Dog, TY4 to Win, the Boss Killer 94, Moyubu, Aspa102, Stylish, Alex, Richard Donovan III, and Comfy Cat.