The Universe Is Indifferent. You Don't Have To Be

[00:00:00]I was recently at the uh Oregon coast getting a little cozy with the ocean, I guess. And yes, there were plenty of waves and uh lots of sand and wind, but sadly there were no whales to be found.

[00:00:17]So, I spent a lot of time um wavegazing.

[00:00:24]And I suppose to the surprise of no one who regularly watches my videos, I got a little pensive zoning out on the waves, staring at the sea, which reminded me of an album by The Cure that came out way back in the mid 80s called Staring at the Sea.

[00:00:49]And I remember owning a copy of the cassette tape and uh it had an album cover I liked a lot with this stark moody black and white photograph that showed an old weathered looking fisherman with the sea in the background.

[00:01:10]And somehow 40 years passed in the blink of an eye.

[00:01:15]And here I am with a face that's getting a little weathered, I suppose, living my own version of a fisherman's life who's uh seen his own share of the elements because well now I guess I can sort of relate to that weather beaten and uh that timeworn face in a way that I couldn't have 40 years ago obviously. ly and uh well not surprisingly I got to thinking about the big questions. I got to thinking about death and life and uh the way that we're expected to make some sense of it all even when it all feels so senseless because the ocean has this funny way of um making your life feel both deeply significant and completely irrelevant at the same time.

[00:02:30]You know, personally, at this point in my life, for the most part, I tend to believe when I think about death, that being dead is probably what it was like before you were born.

[00:02:47]Which reminded me of a Mark Twain quote uh that went something like, "I don't fear death.

[00:02:55]I'd been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born and I hadn't suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

[00:03:07]And it makes me think that, you know, this little blip of time that we have to be here, it's all the more reason to just try to find ways to be present.

[00:03:25]But it's very difficult to be present because most of us are so busy distracting ourselves in various ways from the fact of our pending mortality.

[00:03:39]Uh and yet we've already been, you know, we've already spent 13 billion years or at least 13 billion years not existing.

[00:03:50]So you'd think that we'd be better at accepting it.

[00:03:54]Right.

[00:03:57]And look, I understand that this whole, you know, this whole be in the moment or be here now phrase, it's somewhat of a cliche. I I I get that. However, I heard someone once say that being anywhere other than in this present moment is a form of slavery.

[00:04:27]And that really struck me and it's stayed with me because, you know, if we get too wrapped up in the trappings of time um and consumed by the whole linear picture, I think we end up we just we end up not really being able to appreciate and embody this experience, right?

[00:04:57]I mean it's like that's like living in an illusion or I guess a delusion where we are always somewhere else uh somewhere imaginary like in the future or in the past.

[00:05:15]Uh and that all that does is it just robs us of our present awareness.

[00:05:26]It's sort of like that's sort of like a form of uh self-medicating.

[00:05:32]Reminds me of when I used to drink a lot of wine and come home and that that's what I was doing. I was self-medicating my way out of being truly present.

[00:05:42]Um you know I I struggle with this. I mean look I'm no I'm no monk or or Zen master or anything like that. I mean, even back when I was practicing Zen Buddhism 30 years ago, I wasn't I wasn't really in the right headsp space, I didn't really appreciate or inhabit the moment in a very healthy way.

[00:06:11]I was still approaching things with an emphasis on a timeline.

[00:06:19]Back then, my ego needed an identity. It wanted results.

[00:06:25]Um but even now after you know many years passing in a series of ego deaths and um now being in my 50s I don't really fully comprehend the situation that we're in. I don't know that anybody does. I mean, in some ways, that phrase, uh, the less you know, the the more you learn, the less you know, I mean, that has some real truth to it.

[00:07:01]And of course, the questions come up like, what's the whole point of this?

[00:07:11]Uh, why are we here? Why this? Why now?

[00:07:15]Why me?

[00:07:18]Why uh does unexpected item in baggage area somehow sound like a modern-day spiritual reckoning?

[00:07:31]And of course, you can come up with all kinds of answers that um potentially and potentially I guess drive yourself insane trying to figure that out.

[00:07:45]But um I guess ultimately I don't think any of it matters and it's really unfortunate that for most humans on this planet life is a very difficult experience.

[00:08:05]uh and no one even asked to be here.

[00:08:11]As the um the philosopher Thomas Hobbes famously stated uh life in the state of nature is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short, which uh depending on your employer might still be a fairly accurate job description.

[00:08:39]Now, this isn't to say that um there aren't amazing and and beautiful things about experiencing consciousness and being alive.

[00:08:56]But you may have noticed that um the price of admission to the human condition is very steep.

[00:09:11]Now, you've heard this before, but I think it's worth repeating. Everyone alive is fighting some battle that you know nothing about.

[00:09:23]Whether it's physical, mental, spiritual, financial, whatever, that struggle is real.

[00:09:33]Even if all the modern comforts provided to us by technology uh are considered that even that's even that produces suffering.

[00:09:47]I mean, you ever wonder why mental illness is found at significantly higher rates in modern industrialized countries?

[00:10:03]There's certainly plenty to unpack there, but I don't even really need to go there, do I? We already know why.

[00:10:12]You're probably looking at a a smartphone right now with three different social media tabs open.

[00:10:21]We um we use Maslo's um hierarchy of uh of needs as a standard of human achievement. But you know at every level of that pyramid there's suffering of some kind isn't there?

[00:10:44]You are not winning and finding peace or enlightenment as you move up the pyramid because the immigration nonetheless remains.

[00:10:56]There's no getting around that.

[00:11:00]So, I suppose that my response to all of this has been uh personally I've I I take what I would call the um cosmic cradle approach, which is like um I guess it's kind of like a synthesis of pantheism.

[00:11:28]um the Gaia hypothesis aka the biosphere and I would say a bit of animism.

[00:11:38]So my belief more or less is that we are cosmic matter shaped by a living planet and forged by dying stars.

[00:11:56]We're assembled by the earth and ultimately we just return to the earth when we die.

[00:12:05]And then throw in the mystery and the uh complexity of consciousness and voila, you have the human condition.

[00:12:15]And so I think for the most part we're fairly impressive creatures.

[00:12:26]But of course, we're also fragile and we're we're deeply flawed.

[00:12:32]And I guess you could argue that we have potential, but we're unfortunately tragically self-destructive uh in an already hostile environment because, you know, nature looked at us and it said, uh, well, good luck with all the that I'm going to throw at you to make this experience even harder for you.

[00:13:00]And then humanity looked back and said, "Hold my beer."

[00:13:08]I mean, I'm always surprised that we've made it as far as we have when you consider all the different ways that we could be wiped out, uh, whether externally or or by our own species.

[00:13:24]And sometimes I'm um I'm surprised that people keep reproducing in the face of um the predicament that we're in.

[00:13:39]Now, I don't judge anybody who has kids, by the way, but you know, if you take a real hard, honest look at what the human condition truly consists of, I don't know. All I'm going to say is I made a decision a long time ago to not have kids.

[00:14:03]And um you know I understand that a lot of the reason that we continue to procreate is just it's just the ever it's the evolutionary code running in the background. It's just the It's the biological drive that overrides intellect. And it's just our DNA doing what it's supposed to do for millions of years, adapting to uh a changing environment.

[00:14:36]And uh at our core, we're just part of this ongoing process.

[00:14:42]On a on a fundamental level, we just we can't help ourselves.

[00:14:49]I don't know what percentage of pregnancies are accidents, but I'd wager that a great deal of them are.

[00:15:00]Uh because the thing is procreation is going to happen one way or another, right?

[00:15:08]I mean clearly one of the primary functions of the biosphere is um well it's the whole reproductive process.

[00:15:20]That's what it does. And this could very well be why we're here in the first place. Maybe we're just existing at the mercy of the natural life cycle of the planet, which has been going on for billions of years.

[00:15:39]Nothing more, nothing less.

[00:15:43]And we're just doing what we're supposed to do. Um, taking the good with the bad.

[00:15:51]And you know this is a a turbulent process.

[00:15:59]There's a degree of violence involved in in this process.

[00:16:05]Um you know it's just a m it's just a natural part of the whole experience.

[00:16:13]I mean when you think about it child birth itself is rather violent. uh entering this existence is a form of violence.

[00:16:25]You have to fight for it and then you have to fight a lot more to remain here and get through it.

[00:16:37]And on top of that, you have to constantly deal with the very real threat of mortality, which um even when things are good, uh which is always kind of running in the background and which can occur at any time.

[00:16:59]And then we also have to find the courage to let go of all of this.

[00:17:10]Because you know like but like any living creature on this planet we become attached to our survival.

[00:17:16]Uh but us humans we have the um the lovely distinction of mortality awareness that's on a whole other level.

[00:17:31]And um you know, as I've I've mentioned in in previous various videos, our denial of death is a major theme that's that's running through the human condition. Uh personally, the thing is regardless of the human condition, I still I like being alive for the most part.

[00:17:59]Um even if it's just for the little the little things, small pleasures actually mainly it's mainly for the little things uh at this stage in my life. Um something like I don't know a damn good cup of coffee or uh I don't know cat videos.

[00:18:25]Reasons to reasons to keep living I guess.

[00:18:28]Um, and yeah, I mean, I do have some gratitude for this experience in spite of how miserable it can be sometimes and in spite of the universal suffering that's happening and the trauma that's a constant on um for life on Earth, not just humans, of course.

[00:18:52]Um, you know, the problem is this a sort of awareness and this realization.

[00:19:02]Uh it can get especially overwhelming if you're an empath, if you're um a highly sensitive person.

[00:19:16]It's just that um you know another thing is inside every cynic is a disappointed idealist.

[00:19:30]If you know you know um I think it was George Carlin who said that.

[00:19:38]And then well there's the um I guess there's the dying part and and depending on on whatever your circumstances are um that could be an extremely horrible experience or maybe you get lucky and you die peacefully.

[00:19:59]Uh but either way, uh I I think I I think it'll be like like I was saying at the beginning, it'll be like we were never here, which haunts me.

[00:20:17]Um, I think it's a haunting thing to consider because then of course the question, what's the point, right?

[00:20:31]Um, but then it makes me realize that maybe part of what makes it haunting for me is because it's tied to ego and attachment and, you know, this delusion that we have. Um, this delusion that we have time, there's always going to be time, right?

[00:20:58]uh like it's a thing that we possess and um that we can um purchase more of somehow which of course we can't. I mean time is a you know non-renewable resource but it's all built into survivalist instincts. Uh again, it's all natural and fear is a major part of our experience.

[00:21:36]That's just again that's, you know, a part of the admission price to being human, being alive.

[00:21:46]Um, so fear is obviously it's a driving factor of being alive and and so is love. Of course, though I do think that our understanding of love is mostly distorted or misunderstood.

[00:22:13]Um, partly because, well, love isn't it's not really it's not just a feeling. Love is an action and it's it's a it's a choice.

[00:22:29]Uh, and true romantic love requires conditions.

[00:22:35]It's not romantic love is not unconditional.

[00:22:39]Um it requires conditions like respect and trust uh effort and so forth because it's built on choice.

[00:22:54]Therefore, it's conditional.

[00:22:59]Uh now the closest that we get to something like unconditional love is that's between a parent and a child or or with pets.

[00:23:10]But as you may know even this isn't always true depending on the circumstances.

[00:23:20]And I would even argue that love in general is another form of tragedy that's just wearing a disguise. And I say tragedy because we tend to have this view that love is a form of immortality.

[00:23:45]Uh but look, the truth is is that love also means having to learn to let go sooner or later. And of course, that process can be uh devastating.

[00:24:04]The universe has a very strange habit of making the best things hurt the most, doesn't it?

[00:24:15]Yeah. Um, so I think ultimately what I'm what I'm getting at here is that I just don't think any of this really matters.

[00:24:31]But we still have to live and act as if it does.

[00:24:38]I mean, it's almost as if delusion is a requirement to make this all work.

[00:24:48]You basically get your moment on life stage, right? I mean, you're given a role, however minor or major that role might be, and you can either decide to play it or not.

[00:25:03]Um, I have some I I guess beliefs that sort of fluctuate ultimately because I I don't I believe that we're just too insignificant and too ignorant to have a definitive answer for all of this.

[00:25:26]Um, and I get a little suspicious of anyone who is absolutely certain of what this all is when you know really we're just microorganisms pretty much limited to three dimensions on a terrestrial scale and practically invisible on a universal scale.

[00:25:51]Um I mean our our very presence is questionable.

[00:25:58]Now on the other hand we could view our consciousness as something like a a divine power. Uh, and I don't mean that in the monotheistic sense, just in in the perspective that we could be, as Alan Watts said, the universe experiencing itself.

[00:26:27]And and to paraphrase something else that Alan Watts said, um what you are doing is what the entire cosmos is doing at this specific this specific moment and place.

[00:26:47]So you're an action of the whole universe just as a wave is an action of the whole sea.

[00:27:01]I I find something comforting about that. Um, but just like a wave, that action doesn't hold its shape forever. It invariably dissolves back into the ocean.

[00:27:18]Uh, it's only a matter of time.

[00:27:21]Even if you're a so-called immortal historical figure like the Buddha, uh, Jack the Ripper, Caesar, your high school validictorian, it's only a matter of time until everyone is erased to the point where even everyone who remembered you will be gone. So, it'll be as if again you were never here. Um and then of course even the planet will be gone.

[00:27:52]So all of this is is to say that um I think what matters if anything is right here and right now.

[00:28:12]not tomorrow or yesterday or or or even 10 minutes from now. Um, and yes, I understand that there are many ways of being present that are unhealthy, but I think as long as you're able to mix in some of the uh healthier versions of that somehow where you know, you have some um I guess you have like a moment you if you get to experience a moment of real clarity about something and and a and a sense of selfawareness.

[00:28:49]Um, and ideally you develop the emotional intelligence enough to be able to share that experience with someone.

[00:29:04]And um, you know, I also I understand that being human means being linear.

[00:29:18]Um, for better, for better or for worse, we we're bound up with time.

[00:29:26]Uh, we have a multitude of obligations that exist on a timeline.

[00:29:31]Uh, but I still think we can integrate the present moment somehow.

[00:29:38]Uh now for me that usually involves something like um being in nature or making music um you know doing something creative.

[00:29:52]I think you just have to give more attention to whatever that thing is.

[00:30:04]You know, we get so caught up in uh mattering uh right down to the most insignificant and completely stupid things, right?

[00:30:17]Uh but at the same time it is a bit of a paradox because whether or not we like it, whether or not we like it, um we are here and being here it does carry a certain responsibility.

[00:30:39]I think it carries a cosmic and and a and a biological responsibility, you know.

[00:30:46]Maybe none of this matters, but I still think we want to make the best of it, right? And we don't want to do that out of fear. I think most of us, well, debatably most of us still want to do good and be kind and considerate and do all this in spite of whatever the absurdity might be.

[00:31:15]I don't think we should just give ourselves a pass to go through our lives being complete pieces of Um, I mean, maybe incomplete pieces of which I think is more acceptable under the circumstances, but complete pieces of that feels like a lack of effort.

[00:31:46]So, I guess in closing here, I just want to say, you know, none of this is meant to be depressing, okay? Um, this is just stuff that I'm bringing to the surface that we all have to deal with in one way or another.

[00:32:07]And I think it's stuff that we think about But we don't really talk about out of fe, you know, and and out of fear or shame or loneliness.

[00:32:22]And there's nothing particularly wrong with blissful ignorance.

[00:32:28]And sometimes I struggle with that. But I guess at the end of the day, um, personally, I can't go through life in a in a state of denial or a state of delusion. Um, I'd like to sometimes, but, uh, I guess the inner core of my being, it it it wants transparency.

[00:33:00]um however difficult that might be.

[00:33:08]And so here we are. And so there you have it. Um I guess that is all I have on that for today.

[00:33:20]Um thank you so much for listening.