How to Control Our Response: Gen Samten Kelsang

Added: 2026-05-25

[00:00:00]Why do they have to serve spicy tofu? I can't bear spicy tofu. It's my worst worst nightmare food.

[00:00:10]So, one person loves it and it makes them really happy and genuine feelings of happiness. Another person loathes it and experiences genuine feelings of unhappiness. And what's the difference?

[00:00:21]Is it in the taste buds? No. Is it in the food? No. It's the way we're thinking about the food. And in one case, but we're experiencing d um directly opposite states of mind simply because of directly opposite ways of thinking about the same thing.

[00:00:45]So, um this doesn't just apply to um what we had for dinner. It also applies to what people say to us. Um how things work out for us in our life. Um whether our our our plans are fulfilled or whether they are not fulfilled.

[00:01:03]Um whether we make a lot of money or whether we don't make much money. You know, all of these things are just like spicy tofu. Um they're external um events in our life. And Buddha explained that our experience of the world is basically a purely subjective one that is dependent upon the way we think about the world.

[00:01:34]And in particular, our feelings of happiness or unhappiness are dependent on the way we think about these external events.

[00:01:50]In other words, we have choice.

[00:01:54]No matter what happens externally, we can choose to feel.

[00:02:05]We can choose feelings of happiness and peace, but we've got to choose the right way of thinking about it. And we've got to have the discipline to and the determination to make this decision. Well, when this happens, I'm going to think of it like that.

[00:02:23]When this happens, I'm going to think about and I'm not going to think of it like this. Like if if if somebody criticizes us, we've got to make a decision. Um, you know, I'm going um I'm going to see them as somebody who's doing a service because by putting me um stretch by stretching me outside of my comfort zone and putting me in a situation where I I I I you know, I'm out of my comfort zone in trying to return their harsh words with kindness.

[00:03:05]I'm actually becoming a better person.

[00:03:08]I'm becoming a kinder person because if I'm never stretched, I will never improve. So this person is actually helping me to become a kinder person. So I'm going to see them as a you know a kind person.

[00:03:22]So this crit the these this this critical act we've thought about it in this way and with a little bit of familiarity we we can eventually feel warmth and compassion towards this person and no feelings of pain.

[00:03:39]On the other hand, same words.

[00:03:42]We can think about those same words differently and we can think they're so selfish, always criticizing me, always unjustly criticizing me. I