The Lion King is Even Darker Than You Remember

Added: 2026-05-31

[00:00:00]In 1994, a multi-million dollar company decided it was a fantastic idea to animate a tragic case of child abuse, terrorism, and what can only be described as giving illegal drugs to a baby lion. A dad is brutally trampled to death by wildebeests, his 6-year-old son is told it's his fault, forced to live in a bush, and declared legally dead by his own uncle.

[00:00:22]And Disney named it The Lion King, suitable for ages 6 and [music] up. They also made a West End musical of it. Yep, pay 40 quid and traumatize your children. And as one of those traumatized children, I feel the need to tell you that I never recovered from it, and this is the result. The film made almost a billion dollars, and they even did a remake featuring Beyoncé.

[00:00:40]>> You have to take your place [music] as king.

[00:00:42]>> Yet, in 32 years, nobody has formally investigated the true crime of this twisted [music] children's movie, until now. For this investigation, I, Mildred, will be taking The Lion King extremely seriously. [music] And because I I just love justice, I will be sentencing each character by the very end. Capital punishment be carried out immediately.

[00:01:06]>> [music] >> Imagine being 6 for a second. Your [clears throat] uncle takes you away from your mom and tells you it would be just sick to climb into the hyena exhibit at the zoo.

[00:01:16]That's basically what Scar does. He uses a child's natural curiosity to get him murdered by wild animals.

[00:01:22]>> It's only the bravest lions go there.

[00:01:24]>> But I'm not brave.

[00:01:25]>> You might think, "But Milly, he had Zazu to protect him." Zazu is a bird, specifically a hornbill, which weighs 153 g. That is the exact same weight as a standard orange. It really was just a matter of time, which leads to our next charge, the lighthearted >> [music] >> Right after trying to kill his nephew, Scar goes into a cave to host a literal fascist rally. He stands on a rock and sings a song, of which I quote, "Prepare for the coup of the century," [music] while thousands of hyenas do a military march, he promises them that they will never go hungry again if they help him murder the government. But here's [music] the weird thing about this. In real life, hyenas are strictly matriarchal, meaning the girls run everything and the boys are at the bottom of society.

[00:02:13]Yeah. Uh maybe don't tell the podcast I said that one.

[00:02:17]>> That should be outlawed. You legally actually should not be able to >> Yet Scar, a male lion from an entirely different species, somehow convinced them to ignore their own evolutionary biology just to help him get a crown.

[00:02:28]Clearly his genius is unfathomable and in a weird way, I'd like to [music] steal it.

[00:02:33]Not terrorism. I don't want Let's move on to the next project.

[00:02:40]We all know Scar kills Mufasa. He throws his own brother off a cliff, which is generally considered bad manners, especially in front of a child. But look at what he does next. He approaches his crying nephew and asks, >> What have you done?

[00:02:54]>> and tells him to run away and never return. He doesn't kill Simba himself because [music] that would look quite bad. Instead, he weaponizes the boy's guilt so the boy self-deports, making the victim, a 6-year-old boy, execute [music] himself. But shockingly, Scar is absolutely not the most dangerous character in this movie. So we run into Timon and Pumbaa. I think it's time for a quick quiz. If a crying child runs up to you in the desert and says his dad just died, do you A, comfort him and call the police?

[00:03:23]B, help him find his mom. This is clearly not his fault. He needs his family. Or C, tell him to forget what just happened and force him into song.

[00:03:37]Yeah. Yeah, they they didn't give two shits.

[00:03:40]Which interestingly enough brings us to >> [music] >> I know what you're thinking that that's ridiculous. But let's look at Simba's exile, okay? He is a 400-lb biological [music] killing machine. Yet, after meeting a meerkat and a pig, he completely forgets his dead dad and his urge to eat meat within 5 minutes. Why?

[00:04:01]Because he was being heavily drugged.

[00:04:03]No, I'm not going mad. Look at the bugs Timon and Pumbaa feed him. They are glowing neon-colored parasites. And for 10 years, Simba eats nothing but these mind-altering jungle organisms.

[00:04:15]>> That's it.

[00:04:16]>> Yeah, I I did some Googling. I did. I know you're so happy about that. Now, lions cannot process insect skeletons.

[00:04:22]For example, if a lion only ate beetles for a decade, its muscles would waste away and it would probably go permanently blind. Yet, Simba grows into a massive muscular adult. How?

[00:04:35]I mean, he literally hallucinates his dead dad talking to him from a thunderstorm. And if that doesn't speak volumes, I don't know what does. That is the result from a decade of eating toxic [music] parasites, which, after the trauma he's been through, can we really blame him for developing such an addiction?

[00:04:53]Now, how did Nala actually find Simba?

[00:04:55]She has not seen this kid since he was six. If you asked me to identify someone I haven't seen in 10 years, probably like 5 years at this point, I would be completely and utterly screwed.

[00:05:06]Plus, she finds him in a random jungle in the middle of East Africa. Very casually after trying to eat his pig friend, Pumbaa. Here is a photo of the African [music] plains. I'll give you a second to spot a lion.

[00:05:18]Did you find it?

[00:05:19]No, because I didn't add one. You wouldn't see it. That's my point. Also, Nala thought Simba was dead. They had a full-on funeral for him and his dad.

[00:05:27]>> To lose Simba, who had barely begun to live.

[00:05:29]>> So, how did she track a single drugged-up lion down in a massive jungle? Who trained her? Someone like >> [music] >> Now, the movie says Rafiki is a harmless baboon who lives in a tree and hits people with a stick. But, his tracking methods are absolutely terrifying. Let's look at how he finds out Simba is alive.

[00:05:50]He catches a handful of dust [music] blowing in the wind, sniffs it, and says, >> Simba.

[00:05:55]>> He can track your exact location based on your dead skin cells floating in the atmosphere. And you guys are nervous about digital IDs. I think we just have to come to terms with the fact that he's just a weird guy. I mean, he he held a newborn child off a cliff.

[00:06:08]I think that should speak for itself.

[00:06:10]Let Let's just move on to our last charge before we hear from the court.

[00:06:14]>> [music] >> When Simba does return, he gets into a fight and throws his uncle off a cliff, becoming the killer he never wanted to be, but somehow became anyway. The land, after a decade-long drought, somehow recovers instantly. So, the film wants us to believe that the sky itself was happy that Simba won. Last time I checked, weather doesn't work like that.

[00:06:35]Rain is caused by condensation and stuff, I think. Not a change in prime minister. The only logical theory I can come up with here is that Simba has complete control over the local weather grid. He engineered a fake drought to starve the population so they would all suffer in his absence. A psychopath.

[00:06:53]>> [music] >> Court is now in session, and as promised, here are the final sentences [music] for the perpetrators. Starting with Scar, convicted king slayer, industrial-scale gangsterism, >> [music] >> high treason, and child manipulation.

[00:07:07]Sentence, death row, which already kind of happened, but anyway. The hyenas, convicted of conspiracy to commit mass murder and acting as a terrorist force.

[00:07:16]Sentence, immediate deportation and lifetime ban. Timon and Pumbaa, convicted of [music] two counts of high-level narcotics distribution, chemical restraint of a royal minor, and operating an unlicensed rehab facility.

[00:07:28][music] Sentence, 25 years to life in a federal penitentiary. It's peni- penitentiary.

[00:07:35]Penite- I I don't know. I'm not a lawyer. Rafiki, convicted of [music] violation of international privacy laws, illegal biometric data harvesting, and domestic political manipulation.

[00:07:46]Sentence life [music] without parole, solitary, no fresh air, none, nada. And lastly, Simba, >> [music] >> convicted of tax evasion and terrorism via weather manipulation. Sentence capital punishment to be carried out immediately.

[00:08:02]Other than that, it's a great film. Go see it and subscribe if you haven't already cuz I like to ruin childhoods and stuff. Uh Bye.