Why do you act like a CHILD? How to be an ADULT

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:00]Do you find yourself behaving very differently at different times of the day where sometimes you are a calm rational adult and at other times you are acting like a child or you may find yourself being very critical on yourself and realizing that wait this is how my parents used to scold me. If so, don't worry every one of us shifts through these different versions of us and today's video is all about understanding why do we fluctuate so much? I'm Dr. Siddharth Warrier. I'm a neurologist and on this channel we analyze everything to do with your brain, your health and how to live a good life. And today we are taking a deep dive into a concept in psychology called parent adult child.

[00:00:44]This PAC framework is part of a branch of psychology called transactional analysis. It was derived from Eric Berne's concept in the 1950s of ego states where he described how every person has different states of ego operating within them. In this framework the three main states that is described is the parent, the adult and the child.

[00:01:06]So let's talk about each one of them.

[00:01:08]The parent is the overtly critical part of you that is constantly judging everything that you do. Like why did you say it this way? Why did you do things in this way? The adult is the rational logical part of you that is looking at the future, planning on what all you want to do and how you want to achieve your goals. Whereas the child is the irrational impulsive part of you that is not really thinking long-term, just wants to do what it wants to do in that moment, basically chase immediate gratification and is very upset when it doesn't get what it wants. So if you were to look at it from a neuroscience perspective, each of these three states has some basis in the way that our brain is functioning. So let's look at the child first. When you're in your child state, your limbic system, specifically your [music] amygdala, which is responsible for your deep fears, is running the show. This is the brain's emotional and survival center. It's not thinking long-term, it is responding to immediate threats and immediate rewards.

[00:02:11]And the response is either dopamine spikes in the form of joy, excitement, chasing after something or in the form of negative reaction like fear, jealousy, anger, withdrawal all coming from the amygdala activation. Now contrast to this, the adult brain is in the prefrontal cortex. The PFC is responsible for long-term planning, calculation, logical thinking. And if your PFC is working the way it should without disturbance from the child, it is able to think calmly and rationally about your problems and figure out how to solve them. But when the child is too active, that is when the parent has to step in and that comes from the basal ganglia and the anterior cingulate cortex. The ACC is responsible for conflict resolution. So every time your limbic system comes out with an idea saying, let's say I want to eat an ice cream and your adult brain, which is in the PFC, says [music] no, we are on a diet, it is the anterior cingulate cortex's job to resolve that conflict, in other words, to be the parent in the room, to convince the child to calm down and say, "Hey, I can give you an ice cream later, let me work now." So if your ACC and basal ganglia are able to do the role of the parent well, the child in you, which is the limbic system, will calm down and the adult in you can actually get your work done. So where is the problem? The problem is [music] that your limbic system can be very strong and so that child voice in you might demand to be heard and does not stop crying until it gets what it wants. This can be because of several reasons, usually because of childhood experiences. So all of us are shaped by our childhood, by the kind of safety and protection [music] that we have had while growing up and also by the kind of parent figures that we've had around us, who we look up to, who we have around us to make us feel safe. That will determine what your child state [music] looks and sounds like. So everyone's child state is different based on their own life story. And just as importantly, your life story also shapes how your parent mode looks like. [music] Some of us are extremely kind on our child states while others are very harsh on themselves. [music] They are very critical because that might be what they have grown up watching. So what is the goal here? The goal is not to be an adult all the time.

[00:04:46]The goal is not to silence the child or to only give power to the parent. The goal is to realize that all three parts are all versions of ourselves. We cycle through all of them and once we start realizing how we are different people at different times and this is the reason why that happens, we immediately get more power. We get more awareness as to how we are changing and shifting and with that awareness comes more control.

[00:05:16]So what can you do to bring in more balance into your [music] life? If you find yourself in your child state, simply bring in self-awareness that [music] okay, I am in my child state, I am clearly acting from my limbic system, my amygdala is activated or I'm chasing a dopamine rush. Simply realizing this much will allow your prefrontal cortex back into the picture and slowly guide your decision-making into your PFC. If you are in your parent mode, understand that harshness or just being overtly strict has not worked on children.

[00:05:50]Children need safety, they need comfort and they need guidance. So be a good parent to yourself and you'll find your child responding much better.

[00:06:01]>> [music] >> And if you are in your adult mode right now when you're listening to this, use it, enjoy [music] it, use your prefrontal cortex, create incredible things because your PFC is really powerful and remember that it might not last for very long. Pretty soon something or the other will happen in your life that will push you back into your child state and then your parent will have to kick in again until you are back in your adult state. So this cycling will keep happening except now after watching this video, you understand what is happening in your brain and hopefully that [music] has brought some level of empowerment in your thinking. If you like such neuroscientific breakdown of psychological concepts, let me know in the comments. Let me know what other topics I can analyze and break down for you and as always, like this video, subscribe to the channel. It means a lot to me and you'll see a lot more such videos on your timeline and share this with your friends. I'm going to see you all in the next one. Bye everyone. Take care.