"The 13 Clocks" (1973) - A strange quest unfolds in a land of danger.

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[00:00:05][music] [music] The 13 Clocks, a fairy tale by James Thurber, adapted for radio by Peter Fielson, with music by David Kaine [music] and with the strange peculiar and fantastic appearance of hedon carving as an old [music] creature. The gllocks.

[00:00:37]>> My mother was a witch but rather mediocre in her way. [laughter] Nigel Lambert as the prince Zingu.

[00:00:51][music] A wandering minstalli. A thing of shreds and patches.

[00:01:02]>> Sandra Clark as Princess Sylinda.

[00:01:08][music] >> I wish him well. I wish him well.

[00:01:12][music] >> Alan Dudley as a strange looking yoku toss pot. [music] >> If you can change the rain to silver, she is yours.

[00:01:27]>> [music] >> Pauline win is a wondrous melancholy hagger.

[00:01:33][music] I have no tears. I weep no more. But you can [music] try.

[00:01:45]Godfrey Kenton as [music] the dangerous, menacing spy hawk.

[00:01:52]I should say they have some 40 minutes left. [music] And last but not least, Paul Hardwick as the wicked, wicked Duke. [music] They'll never make it. I hope they drowned or broke their legs or lost their way. [laughter] >> [music] >> Once upon a time in a gloomy castle on a lonely hill where there were 13 clocks that wouldn't go, there lived a cold, aggressive duke and his niece, the Princess Sar Linda. She was warm in every wind and weather, but he was always cold. His hands were as cold as his smile and almost as cold as his [snorts] heart. He wore gloves when he was asleep, and he wore gloves when he was awake, which made it difficult for him to pick up pins or coins or the kernels of nuts, or to tear the wings [music] from nightingales.

[00:03:13]He was 6'4 and 46 and even colder than he thought he was.

[00:03:22]One eye wore [music] a velvet patch. The other glittered through a monle which made half his body seem [music] closer to you than the other half. He had lost one eye when he was 12, for he was fond of peering into nests and lairs in search of [music] birds and animals to mole.

[00:03:42]One afternoon, a mother shrike had mauled him first.

[00:03:47]His nights were spent in evil dreams, [music] and his days were given to wicked schemes.

[00:03:54]Wickedly scheming, he would limp [music] and cackle through the cold corridors of the castle, planning new impossible feats for the suitors of [music] Sarinda to perform.

[00:04:06]He didn't wish to give her hand in marriage since her hand was the only warm hand in [music] the castle.

[00:04:14]Even the hands of his watch and the hands of all the 13 [music] clocks were frozen. They had all frozen at the same time on a snowy night 7 [music] years before, and after that it was always 10 minutes to 5 in the castle.

[00:04:32]Travelers and mariners would look up at the gloomy [music] castle on the lonely hill and say, "Time lies frozen there.

[00:04:40]It's always then, it's never now.

[00:04:44]>> Never now.

[00:04:46]>> Never."

[00:04:48]>> Drink up, young sir. A story even such as this should never hamper thirst.

[00:04:53]>> No.

[00:04:55]>> No.

[00:04:59]But where was I?

[00:05:03]The cold duke is afraid of now, for now has warmth and urgency, and then is dead and buried. And now might bring a certain night of gay and shining [music] courage.

[00:05:16]>> Gay and shining courage.

[00:05:19]>> A night to win the fair princess's hand.

[00:05:23]The Duke is afraid of now, but he tampers with the clocks to see if they'll go out of a strange perversity.

[00:05:31]praying that they won't.

[00:05:32]>> And they won't.

[00:05:33]>> Oh, no, they won't. [music] Now, tinkerers and tinkerers and a few wizards who happen by tried to start the clocks with tools or magic words or by shaking them and cursing, but nothing word or ticked.

[00:05:47]>> The clocks are dead. And in the end, brooding on it, the Duke has decided that he has murdered time, slain it with his sword and wiped his bloody blade upon its beard, [music] and left it lying there bleeding hours and minutes. Its springs uncoiled and sprawling, its pendulum disintegrating.

[00:06:14]>> Oh, it is a chilling story, and no mistake.

[00:06:17]>> Ah, young sir, it is. And it be as well for you to remember that the Duke is even chillier. Eh, don't you think so, Paspot?

[00:06:24]>> Oh, that is that is I.

[00:06:28]>> You're but a minstrel, young sir. So you don't count. He won't send for you. But even if you were a prince that you could give you some impossible feat to perform, for that is his right as Sar Linda's guardian.

[00:06:41]>> If you can turn the rain to silver, she's yours.

[00:06:45]>> Or find a thing too far to find. Well, >> or reach a place too high to reach.

[00:06:51]>> Slay the thorny boar of Borne.

[00:06:54]>> I could perhaps.

[00:06:55]>> Ah, but then there is no boar of Borythornne, which makes it hard.

[00:07:00]>> And what makes it harder is the Duke's corn and his sword. He'll slit you from your guggle.

[00:07:10]>> His hand is strong enough to stop a clock and strong enough to choke a bull and swift enough to catch the wind. He breaks up minstrels such as you in his soup like dried bread.

[00:07:20]>> Oh, but then our minstrel here will warm the old man's heart with a song [laughter] >> or dazzle him with jewels and gold.

[00:07:30]>> He'll trample on the Duke's chameleas, spill his wine, and blunt his sword.

[00:07:36][laughter] >> Say that his name begins with X, >> a letter which the Duke cannot abide, at least ways, not on the front of names.

[00:07:44]And the Duke will say, "Take Sar Linda with my blessing. Oh lordly prince of rags and tags, [laughter] oh rider of the sun."

[00:07:56]>> You may well laugh. But it could happen.

[00:07:59][laughter] Stranger things have. You know, >> listen. Listen, young master.

[00:08:05]>> The Duke limps because his legs are different lengths.

[00:08:10]The right one outgrew the left because when he was young, he spent his mornings place kicking pups and punting kittens.

[00:08:19]Now, he might say to you, "What is the difference in the length of my legs?"

[00:08:27]How would you answer?

[00:08:29]>> Let's see. I would say, "Why, sir, one is shorter than the other."

[00:08:33]>> And do you know what would happen then?

[00:08:36]>> He would give me Sarinda's hand. He would run you through with a sword he carries in his sword stick.

[00:08:41]>> And that sword so sharp that it can separate a candle from its flame in the blink of an eye.

[00:08:46]>> Then he would feed you to the geese.

[00:08:49]>> What is the right answer?

[00:08:51]>> That one leg is longer than the other.

[00:08:56]>> Oh, many of the prince he's run through for naming the wrong difference. Others have been slain for equally trivial offenses, like staring too long at the Duke's glow, >> or his niece, >> or dropping spoons, >> or wearing rings, >> or speaking disrespectfully of sin.

[00:09:12]>> Those that do survive the scorn of his sword have to perform these impossible feats of which we have already spoken.

[00:09:19]>> Oh, it all seems hopeless.

[00:09:20]>> It is, young master, and it would be as well for you to remember that.

[00:09:25]>> Well, I thank you for your hospitality.

[00:09:28]I must away now and search for somewhere to sleep.

[00:09:30]>> Good night, young sir.

[00:09:32]>> And God protect you.

[00:09:33]>> Good night.

[00:09:40][music] >> Hawk, hawk. The dogs do bark, [music] but [singing] only one in three.

[00:09:53]They bark at those in velvet gowns.

[00:09:57][music and singing] They never bark at me.

[00:10:02][cheering] >> The Duke is not unlike that minstrel. He seems to have drawn a crowd. Then come, let's see for ourselves.

[00:10:20]Send for me. [singing] [music] Hawk hawk. The dogs [singing] do bark.

[00:10:31]The Duke is fond of kittens. [music] He likes to take their insides out and use their fur for mittens. [singing] Oh, he's done it now. Right enough. The Duke has slain 11 men for merely staring at his hands. And those hands gloved in velvet gloves, bright with rubies and with diamonds. Come, let us be gone before.

[00:11:01]>> No. I want to have a word with him.

[00:11:03]>> Well, on your own head be it, but I'll not stay. Good night.

[00:11:08]>> Well, young sir, you seem to have caused quite a commotion.

[00:11:12]>> Where did all the people go?

[00:11:14]>> They were scared. You made fun of the Duke and they know what that means.

[00:11:20]>> My duggle >> to your Zach.

[00:11:23]>> I am by nature a traveler and have seen all four corners of this kingdom and many of those beyond. A man who sees much of life remembers almost all. A man who sees nothing a little. And I am certain I've seen you shining in the lists or toppling knights in battle or breaking men in two like dried bread.

[00:11:45]You must be Tristram's son or Lancelots.

[00:11:48]Or or are you Ty or Tora?

[00:11:50]>> A wondering minstreli, a thing of shreds and zaches. Uh patches.

[00:11:55]>> Even if you were the mighty Zorn of Zorna, you could not escape the fury of the Duke. He'll slit you.

[00:12:02]>> Yes. Thank you for your warning, but I think I know. What was that?

[00:12:08]A figure just disappeared behind yonder tree like a fly in the mouth of a frog.

[00:12:12]That was the Duke's spy and chief, a man named Whisper. Tomorrow he will die.

[00:12:18]He'll die because to name your sins, he'll have to mention Mittens. No.

[00:12:25]I leave at once for other lands myself since now I have also mentioned mittens.

[00:12:32]You'll never live to wed his niece.

[00:12:34]You'll only die to feed the geese.

[00:12:37]Goodbye. Good night. And sorry.

[00:12:39]>> Good night.

[00:12:43]Did you hear that?

[00:12:44]>> Hear what? Good sir.

[00:12:46]>> Strange.

[00:12:47]I could have sworn I heard laughter on the wind.

[00:12:52]I must away.

[00:12:56]What to do now? I wonder.

[00:13:00][music] Hawk hawk. The dogs do bark.

[00:13:08]The cravens are going to bed.

[00:13:14]Some will rise [music] and greet the sun. But whisper will be dead. [music] If you have nothing better than your songs, you are somewhat less than much and only little more than anything. Who or what are you?

[00:13:34]>> Describe me and you might see for yourself. Oh, you are 5 ft high or low with wide, astonished eyes, an indescribable hat, and a dark describable beard. I'm still no more certain than I was a minute ago.

[00:13:51]>> I am the gllocks. The only gllocks in the world and not a mere device. You resemble one, as Sarah Linda resembles the rose.

[00:14:02]>> I resemble only half the things I say I don't. The other half resemble me. I must always be on hand when people are in peril.

[00:14:11]>> My peril is my own.

[00:14:13]>> Half is yours and half is Sarah Lindendas.

[00:14:16]>> I hadn't thought of that. I place my faith in you. And where you lead, I follow.

[00:14:21]>> Not so fast. Half the places I've been to never wear. I make things up. Half the things I say were there cannot be found. When I was young, I told a tale of buried gold and men from leagues around dug in the woods. I dug myself.

[00:14:38]But why? I thought the tale of treasure might be true. You said you made it up.

[00:14:42]>> I know I did, but then I didn't know I had. I forget things, too. I I make mistakes, but I am on the side of good by accident and happen chance.

[00:14:57]I had high hopes of being evil when I was two, but in my youth, I came upon a firefly burning in the spider's web. I saved the victim's life.

[00:15:05]>> The fireflies.

[00:15:06]>> The spiders? The blinking arsonist had set the web on fire.

[00:15:12]>> What was that? The Duke has heard your songs. The fat is in the fire. The dye is cast. The jig is up. The goose is cooked. And the cat is out of the bag.

[00:15:20]>> Oh, my hour has struck.

[00:15:23]The juke prepares to feed you to his geese.

[00:15:28]We must invent a tail to stay his hair.

[00:15:31]>> What manner of tale?

[00:15:33]>> A tale to make that you believe that slaying you would light a light in someone else's heart. He hates a light in people's hearts. So you must say [music] a certain prince and princess can't be wait until the evening of the second day after the duke has fed you to his geese. I wish you wouldn't keep saying that.

[00:15:54]>> The tale sounds true and very like a witch's spell. The Duke has all of witches spells. I'm certain he will stay his hand. I think >> I have been ordered minstrel to take you into my custody.

[00:16:10]>> Yes, I know. But please do not arrest my friend.

[00:16:12]>> Friend? Which friend is that?

[00:16:15]>> Why the go?

[00:16:16]>> Well, he was here just a minute since.

[00:16:19]You'll be telling me next you saw the golocks.

[00:16:22]>> Why yes. How did >> there isn't any goullocks? I have been to school and know >> all in quick [music] [music] >> [music] [music] [music] >> Now then, what manner of prince is this you speak of? And what manner of maiden does he love, to use a word that makes no sense and has no point? Well, Duke, he is a noble prince, and she a noble lady. When they are wed, a million people will be glad.

[00:17:21]>> We shall think of some amusing task for you to do. I do not like your tricks and guile. I think there is no prince or maiden who would wed if I should slay you, but I am neither sure nor certain.

[00:17:36]We'll think of some amusing task for you to do.

[00:17:39]>> But I am not a prince, and only princes may aspire to Sarinda's hand. Why, then we'll make a prince of you. The prince of rags and jingles. Take him to the dungeon. Feed him water without bread and bread without water.

[00:17:53]>> Yes, sir.

[00:17:57]>> Ah, Sarinda, my dear, you're just in time to see your new suitor. This thing of rags and tags and tatters will play our little game.

[00:18:06]>> I wish him well.

[00:18:07]>> Take him to the dungeon.

[00:18:08]>> Oh, let me go.

[00:18:11]You'll find the most amusing bats and spiders there.

[00:18:15]>> I wish him well. [laughter] [music] >> But his dungeon's darker than the Duke is cold or Sarinda warm.

[00:18:36]>> Oh, take care. You're on my foot.

[00:18:39]Why are you here?

[00:18:40]>> I forgot something. I forgot about the task the Duke will set you.

[00:18:44]>> Oh, it's hopeless. He could set me to swim a lake too wide to swim, or to turn liquids into stone, or to find a boneless creature made of bone. By the way, how came you here? And can you leave? I never know. My mother was a witch, but rather mediocre in her way.

[00:19:03]When she tried to turn a thing to gold, it often turned to clay. And when she changed her rivals into fish, all she ever got were mermaids. My father was a wizard who often cast his spells upon himself when he was in his cups. Strike a light or light a lantern. Something I have hold of has no head.

[00:19:24]The task you came to tell me. I did. Oh yes. Tell the Duke that you will hunt the boar or travel thrice around the moon or turn November into June. Implore him not to send you out to find a thousand jewels.

[00:19:39]>> And then and then he'll send you out to find a thousand jewels. But I am poor.

[00:19:44]>> Come, come. Your Z of Z.

[00:19:49]I had it from a traveler I met. It came to him as he was leaving town. Your father's casks and coffers shine with rubies and with sapphires. My father lives in Zorna. But it would take me 9 and 90 days. 3 and 30 days to go and 3 and 30 days to come back here.

[00:20:06]>> That's 6 and 60.

[00:20:07]>> It always takes my father 3 and 30 days to make decisions. In spells and labors, a certain time is always set. And I might be at sea when mine expires.

[00:20:16]>> That's another problem for another day.

[00:20:19]Time is for dragonflies and angels. The former liberal and the latter live too long.

[00:20:24]>> A task seems simple. There are no jewels within the reach and ranges of this island except those gems here in the castle. The Duke knows not that you are Zorn of Zuna. He thinks you are a minstrel without a penny or a moonstone.

[00:20:40]He's fond of jewels. You've seen them on his gloves.

[00:20:43]>> The Duke has spies who may know who I am.

[00:20:45]>> I may be wrong, but we must risk and try it.

[00:20:48]>> Oh, I wish you could be sureer.

[00:20:50]>> I wish I could. My mother was born. And I regret to say only partly in the call.

[00:20:56]I saved a score of princes in my time. I cannot save them all.

[00:21:01]What was that?

[00:21:02]>> I know not. But it would have been purple if there'd been like to see it by.

[00:21:06]>> The Duke might give me only 30 days or 42 to find the jewels. Why should he give me 9 and 90?

[00:21:13]>> The way I see it is this. The longer the labor lasts, the longer lasts he's gloating. He loves to gloat. You know, I I've just sat on a toad. [screaming] >> My father may have lost the jewels or given them away.

[00:21:31]>> I've thought of that, but I have other plans than one.

[00:21:34]>> Yes.

[00:21:35]>> Right now, we have to sleep. Come. I think I spy a corner free from life or slithery creepy form. Yes, that's it.

[00:21:50]Follow the sound of my voice a bit to your lip.

[00:21:57]Then [music] [music] >> on your feet. The Duke commands your presence.

[00:22:10]>> Gol, are you there?

[00:22:14]>> What was that?

[00:22:15]>> What was what?

[00:22:16]>> I know not. I thought I heard the sound of someone laughing.

[00:22:20]>> Is the Duke afraid of laughter?

[00:22:22]>> The Duke is not afraid of anything. Not even the total.

[00:22:26]>> The total?

[00:22:27]>> The total?

[00:22:29]>> What's the total?

[00:22:30]>> The total looks like a blob of glut.

[00:22:34]>> Oh, it makes a sound like rabbits screaming and smells of old unopened rooms. It's waiting for the Duke to fail in some endeavor, such as setting you a task that you can do. And if he sets me one and I succeed, >> the blob will glop him. It's an agent of the devil sent to punish evildoers for having done less evil than they should.

[00:22:59]>> I talk too much. Come on. The Duke is waiting. [music] >> [music] >> So you will have to the ball or travel thrice around the moon or turn November into June.

[00:23:23]Salinda in November turns November into June. A a cow can travel thrice around the moon or even more. And anyone can merely hunt the boar. [laughter] I have another plan for you. I thought of it last night while I was killing mice. I'll send you out to find a thousand jewels and bring them back.

[00:23:45]>> A wondering minstral eye, a thing of >> rubies and sapphires. For you of Zorn of Zorna, [laughter] your father's casts and vaults and coffers shine with jewels. In six and 60 days, you can sail to Zorna and return.

[00:24:01]>> Always takes my father three and 30 days to make decisions.

[00:24:04]>> That is what I wanted to know. my naive a prince. Then you would have me give you 9 and 90 days.

[00:24:09]>> That would be fair. But how do you know I am Zorn?

[00:24:13]>> Aha.

[00:24:15]I have a spy named Hark who found your princely raignment with certain signs and seals and signatures revealing who you are. Go and put the raignment on.

[00:24:25]You'll find it in the chamber on whose door a star is turning black. Done it and return. I'll think of beles while you're gone and things like that.

[00:24:36][laughter] [music] Ah, now you look considerably more presentable. Does he not sinder my dear?

[00:24:49]>> I wish him well.

[00:24:50]>> Incidentally, Zorn, these two creatures here are my spies. Hark and listen. I did have three, but then I think you know what happened to Whisper. I can see but one.

[00:25:01]>> Your listen is invisible. Listen can be heard but never seen. We are here to learn the mark and measure of your task.

[00:25:08]I give you 9 and 90 hours, not 9 and 90 days to find the jewels and bring them here. When you return, the clocks must all be striking fine.

[00:25:20]>> The clocks here in the castle. The 13 clocks.

[00:25:24]>> The clocks here in the castle. The 13 clocks.

[00:25:27]>> The hands are frozen. The clocks are dead. Died at 10 minutes 25 >> precisely. And what is more, which makes your task all the more charming, there are no jewels that could be found within the space of 9 and 90 hours, except those in my vaults and these on my gloves.

[00:25:45]>> A pretty task.

[00:25:47]>> Thank you, Hawk.

[00:25:52]>> We're glad you like it. Listen.

[00:25:54]>> And if I should succeed, >> then Sarah Linda is yours. I wish him well.

[00:26:01]>> I employed a witch to cast a tiny spell upon her. When she is in my presence, all that she can say is this.

[00:26:08]>> I wish him well.

[00:26:09]>> You like it?

[00:26:10]>> A clever spell.

[00:26:12]>> Oh, fool spell.

[00:26:16]>> Thank you. Listen now, my dear. I think you should go to your room.

[00:26:22]>> I wish him well.

[00:26:30]That's it.

[00:26:40]>> What if I should fail?

[00:26:42]>> I'll slit you from your gaggle to your zut and feed you to the total.

[00:26:47]>> I've heard of it.

[00:26:48]>> You've only heard the half of it. The other half is worse.

[00:26:53]>> It's made of lip. It feels as if it had been dead at least a dozen days, but it moves about like monkeys and like shadows. The To can't be killed. It gaps.

[00:27:06]>> What's gaping? [laughter] >> Time is wasting, Prince. Already you have only eight and 90 hours. I wish you every strangest kind of luck. Ah, one last word or warning. I would not trust the golocks over far.

[00:27:26]>> Golocks. [laughter] >> He cannot tell what can be from what can't. He seldom knows what should be from what is. When all the clocks are striking five.

[00:27:41][music] It is a strange portentous night that boasts a single white star held in the horn of a rocking yellow moon.

[00:27:58]>> Oh, Gollocks, it's you.

[00:28:00]>> Yes, at least I think it is.

[00:28:02]>> The Duke thinks you're not so wise as he thinks you think you are.

[00:28:06]>> I think he's not as wise as he thinks I think he is. I was there. I know the terms. I had thought that only dragonflies and angels think of time, never having been an angel or a dragonfly.

[00:28:15]>> How were you there? I am listened or at any rate he thinks I am. Never trust a spy you cannot see. The Duke is lamer than I am old and I am shorter than he is told. But it comes to you as some surprise that I am wiser than he is wise.

[00:28:32]>> I think you're the most remarkable man in the world.

[00:28:34]>> Who thought not so a moment since knows not an apple from a quint. We have only eight and 90 hours to find a thousand gems.

[00:28:42]>> The task is hard and can't be done. I can do a score of things that can't be done. I can find a thing I cannot see. I can see a thing I cannot find. The first is time. The second is your heart. What would you do without me? Say nothing.

[00:28:55]>> Nothing.

[00:28:56]>> Good. Then you are helpless and I'll help you. I said I had another plan than one, and I've just remembered what it is.

[00:29:04]There is a woman on this aisle who'd have some eaten 80 years, and she is gifted with the strangest gift of all for when she weeps. What do you think?

[00:29:14]She weeps. Tears. Jewels. But that is too remarkable to be. I don't see why.

[00:29:21]Even the lowly oyster makes his pearls without the use of eyes or hands or any tools. And pearls are jewels. The oyster is a blob of glump. But a woman is a woman. Where does this wondrous woman dwell? Over mountain, over stream, by way of storm and thunder, in a hut so high or deep. I never can remember which. The naked eye can't see it. It will take us 90 hours or more or less to go and come. It's this way or that way.

[00:29:50]I never can recall. Oh well, come, let us be off. And as we go, I'll tell you the tale of Haga.

[00:30:03][music] When Haga was 11 and picking cherries in the woods one day and Asphodel, she came upon the good King Gain of Yarrow.

[00:30:13]>> A very goodly king. I think he knew my father. Yes. Anyway, his foot was caught in a wolf trap. Weep for me, maiden, said, "King, for I am ludicrous and laughable with my foot caught in this trap. I am no longer hurt, for I have lost my usher. By twiddling my fingers or clapping my hands, I have often changed the fate of men. But now I cannot get my foot loose from this thing.

[00:30:42]>> I have no tears, but I know the secret of the trap. And having so said, the maiden tinker and tempered till the spring was sprung.

[00:30:52]>> And then, "Lo," said the king, "the maid has freed my foot, but it is mom and feels like somebody else's foot, not mine.

[00:31:02]The maiden took off his shoe and rubbed his foot until it felt as though he could put it down. For her kindness, the grateful king gave her [music] the power to weep jewels when she wept instead of tears.

[00:31:13]>> And it is to her that we are going now.

[00:31:15]I was right. You are the most remarkable man in all the world.

[00:31:19]>> Ah, but wait. You see, there is one drawback.

[00:31:23]>> I thought perhaps [music] there might be. You see, when the people learned of the strange gift that the king had given Hugger, they came through leagues around by night and day and warm and winter weather to make her sad and sorry.

[00:31:35]Nothing tragic happened, but she heard of it and wept. People came with heavy hearts and left with pearls and rubies until one day the maid could weep [music] no more. At any tale of tragedy or tribulation, damsels killed by dragons left her cold and broken hearts and children lost and love denied. She never wept. By day or night in warm and winter weather, she grew to be 16 and 26 and 34 and 48 and 52. And now she waits at 80 and 8 for me and you.

[00:32:12]I I hope my story is true. I I I make things up, you know.

[00:32:18]>> I know you do. If Hagger weeps no more, why should she weep for you?

[00:32:23]>> I feel that she's frail and fragile. I trust that she is sad and sorry. I hope that she is neither dead nor dying, though I feel I feel she is feel it in the pit of the stomach.

[00:32:37]You You You'd better carry me. I I'm weary.

[00:32:42]>> Come on then.

[00:32:49]>> [music] >> Yes.

[00:32:54]>> She's only 30 and nine. You've missed her age by nearly 50 years.

[00:32:59]>> Old men often do.

[00:33:00]>> What do you want?

[00:33:01]>> Weep for us, Hagger. Or else the prince will never wait his princess.

[00:33:06]>> I have no tears. Once our wetmanships were overdue or brooks ran dry or tangerines were overripe or sheep got something in their eye, I weep no more.

[00:33:16]I've turned a thousand persons gemless from my door. Come in, but I weep no more. [music] I have tales to make the hangman weep and tales to bring the tear of sorrow to a monster's eye. I have tales that would disturb a dragon's sleep and even make the total sigh.

[00:33:40]>> I weak no more, but you can try.

[00:33:43]>> Then look and listen. The princess Sarah Linda will never wed this youth until the day he lays a thousand jewels upon a certain table.

[00:33:55]>> How would we for Sarah Linda, if I were able?

[00:33:58]>> Pardon my inquisitiveness, Hagger, but what is in this chest?

[00:34:01]>> Oh, it's filled with gems.

[00:34:02]>> Oh, really, Zorn? This is no time for gems. Oh, don't just stand there. Open it.

[00:34:11]The diamonds opals and emeraldates.

[00:34:14]These are jewels of laughter. I woke up 14 days ago to find them on my bed. I'd laughed until I wept at something in my sleep. There is, however, something you should know concerning jewels of laughter. They always turn again to tears a fortnight after. It has been a fortnight to the day and minute since I took the prettiest to this chest and put them in it.

[00:34:35]>> Oh no, she's right. Look, they're losing their flame.

[00:34:41]Oh, you you you must think of what you laughed at in your sleep.

[00:34:44]>> I know not, for this was 14 days ago.

[00:34:47]>> Think >> I never can remember dreams.

[00:34:50]>> But why had these jewels turned to tears a fortnight after? There was a farmer from a nearby farm who laughed and King said that on second thought he would amend and modify the gift he gave me. In that while the jewels of sorrow would last beyond measure, the jewels of laughter will give me but little pleasure. If >> there's one thing I hate, its amendments, but let us not worry about that now, for I will make you laugh until you weep.

[00:35:15]>> I laugh at nothing that has been or is.

[00:35:17]>> Then I will think of things that will be and aren't now and never were. Ready?

[00:35:20]>> Yes. A de who was terribly hobble cast stone super cobble and bats that were from a sh from a sling but never hitting super hobble.

[00:35:31][laughter] >> Look look it's working. Yes, but they're only semi precious stones. I'll try again. There was an old cuddle so Molly he talked in a gr that was Polly. His gooses were so gone that his laps became gored. He only ate pops of a lollip.

[00:35:51]Oh, rhymes.

[00:35:54]Now she's weeping costume jewelry. It'll be a sh of termine next or cat size or a flux of pearls. I wouldn't wonder.

[00:36:01]Everyone knows the Duke hates those. He thinks they're made by fish.

[00:36:10]>> [laughter] >> She she she's laughing. Diamonds >> and rubies and sapphires >> and emeralds and tops.

[00:36:20]>> We've done it, Golocks. We've done it 98 99.

[00:36:39]1,000.

[00:36:41]>> Oh.

[00:36:42]>> Oh, I wish she had laughed at something I had said.

[00:36:46]>> Oh, thank you, Hagger. God keep you warm in winter and cool in summer.

[00:36:51]>> Farewell and thank you.

[00:36:53]>> Good luck.

[00:36:56]>> How many hours are left to us now?

[00:36:57]>> It's odd. I could have sworn that she had died. This is the only time my stomach ever lied.

[00:37:03]>> How many hours are left us now?

[00:37:05]>> What? Oh, I I should say that we have only 40 left, but it's downhill all the way.

[00:37:11]>> What about the clocks, Golocks?

[00:37:13]>> Oh, yes, the clocks. Well, that is another problem for another hour. Come on, let us away.

[00:37:19]>> Good night. Good night. Good night.

[00:37:38]There are no jewels.

[00:37:42]They'll have to bring in pebbles from the sea or micica from the meadows.

[00:37:46][laughter] How goes the night? I have been counting off and on, and I should say they have some 40 minutes left.

[00:37:54]>> They'll never make it. I hope they drowned or broke their legs or lost their way. Where were they going? I met a Jack and Dandy some several hours ago.

[00:38:03]They passed him on their way to Hagger's Hill. Do you remember Hagger? Have you thought of her?

[00:38:09]>> Hagger weeps no more. [laughter] Haggger has no tears. She did not even weep when she was told about the CHILDREN LOCKED UP IN MY TOWER.

[00:38:20]>> I hated that.

[00:38:21]>> I liked it. No child can sleep in my chameleas.

[00:38:27]Where is Listen? He followed them. The golocks and the prince. I do not trust him. I like a spy that I can see. Let me have men about me that are visible.

[00:38:41]What does listen feel like? Have you felt him?

[00:38:45]>> Oh, he's about 5t high.

[00:38:48]>> He has a beard and something on his head I can't describe. [groaning] >> The gcks. YOU FELT THE GLLOCKS. I HIRED him as a spy and didn't know it.

[00:39:04]What insolence is this? What is that thing?

[00:39:08]>> A ball. I KNOW THAT, BUT WHY? WHAT DOES ITS GHASTLY presence signify? It looks to me very like that ball the golocks and those children used to play with.

[00:39:20]The purple one with owls embossed in gold. They're on his side. Their ghosts are on his side. He has a lot of friends. Silence. He knows not what is dead from what is dying or where he's been from where he's going. Or striking clots from clocks that never strike.

[00:39:38]What makes me think he does?

[00:39:41]I'll throw them up for grabs. Betw the total of the geese. I'll lock them in the dungeon with a THING WITHOUT A HEAD.

[00:39:48]I'LL SLAY THEM ALL. This sweetheart and her suitor. THIS CROSSEYED CLOWN. YOU HEAR ME?

[00:39:57]>> YES. But there are rules and rights and rituals.

[00:40:00]>> Don't you see? Who loses Sar Linda loses fire? I mean the fire of the setting suns, not the cold and cheerless flame of jewels.

[00:40:12]Her eyes are candles burning in a shrine. Her feet appear to me as doves.

[00:40:18]Her fingers bloom upon her breast like flowers. This is scarcely the way to speak of one's own niece. [laughter] SHE'S NOT MY NIECE. I STOLE HER. I stole her from the castle of a king. I snatched her from the bosom OF A SLEEPING QUEEN. I still bear on my hands the marks of where she bit me.

[00:40:39]>> The queen?

[00:40:39]>> The princess? Who was the king? I never knew. My ship was beed upon an island in a storm. There was no moon nor any star.

[00:40:50]No lights were in the castle. How could you find the princess then? She had a radiance. She shone there like a star upon her mother's breast. I knew I had to have that splendor in my castle. I need to keep her here till she's 21. The day she is, I'll wed her. And that day is tomorrow. Why haven't you before?

[00:41:14]Because her nurse turned out to be a witch who cast a spell upon me. I must keep her in a chamber where she is safe from me. I've done that.

[00:41:21]>> I like that part.

[00:41:22]>> I hate it. I must give and grant the right to any prince to seek her hand in marriage. I've done that, too. In spells of this sort, one always finds a or loophole by means of which the right and perfect prince can win her in spite of any task you set him. How did the witch announce that part of it like this? She can be saved and you destroyed only by a prince whose name begins with X and doesn't.

[00:41:51][laughter] >> There is no prince whose name begins with X and doesn't.

[00:41:56]>> This prince is Zorn of Zorna, but to your terror and distaste, he once posed as a minstrel. His name was uh Zingu, then wasn't.

[00:42:09]This is the prince whose name begins with X and doesn't. [laughter] >> Nobody ever tells me anything.

[00:42:19]>> Well, they're up there. Four of them.

[00:42:21]Call out the guards.

[00:42:23]>> The guards are guarding the clocks. You wanted it that way. There are 11 guards and each one guards a clock. You and I are guarding these here in the oak room.

[00:42:33]You wanted it THAT WAY. CALL OUT THE GUARDS.

[00:42:37]>> GUARDS.

[00:42:38]God's [screaming] good. Now follow me.

[00:42:45][music] [music] A coast is clear. How could you find the castle in the dark? He would not let me burn a torch.

[00:43:08]>> You lighted up your window like a star and we could see the castle from afar.

[00:43:12]But come, our time is marked in minutes.

[00:43:15]Start the clocks.

[00:43:18]>> He faces 13 men and that is hard.

[00:43:21]>> We face 13 clocks and that is harder.

[00:43:24]Stop the clocks.

[00:43:25]>> Well, how can I?

[00:43:26]>> Your hand is warmer than the snow is cold. Touch the first clock with your hand.

[00:43:31]>> There.

[00:43:32]>> Nothing has happened. We are ruined.

[00:43:36]Use magic.

[00:43:37]>> I have no magic to depend on. Throw the other clock.

[00:43:41]>> Still nothing.

[00:43:43]>> Use logic then.

[00:43:45]>> Now let me see. If you can touch the clocks and never start them, then you could start the clocks and never touch them. That's logic as I know. And use it. Hold your hand a foot away.

[00:43:54]Now, now closer. Now a little further back. I think you have it. Do not move.

[00:44:02]>> What was that? That was then leaving the castle to die.

[00:44:07]>> So then is dead. It's now.

[00:44:16]>> I hear the sound of time. And yet I slew it and wiped my merry sword upon its beard. [bell] >> THEY GOT HIM.

[00:44:28]11 TO ONE.

[00:44:29]>> You may have heard of Galahad whose strength was as the strength of 10.

[00:44:33]Well, it still leaves one to get him.

[00:44:36]Perhaps I'll stay myself. I slew time with a bloody hand that grips your arm.

[00:44:40]And time is greater far than Zorn of Zorna.

[00:44:42]>> No mortal man can murder time. And even if he could, there's something else. A clockwork in a maiden's heart that strikes the hours of youth and love, and knows the southward swan from winter snow and summer afternoons from chulip time.

[00:44:58]>> You sicken me with your chocolate chatter. Your tongue is made of icing sugar. I'll slay THIS RAGGED PRINCE.

[00:45:04]>> A SHUT UP.

[00:45:06]>> WHAT?

[00:45:07]>> You are the most aggressive villain in the world. I always meant to tell you that. I said it and I'm glad.

[00:45:14]>> Silence. Where are we? This is the hidden door that leads into the oak room. Then open it, ma'am, and let us go and murder time all over again.

[00:45:30]>> [music] >> 2 3 4 [music] 5 The task is done. The terms are met.

[00:45:42]>> Where are my guards?

[00:45:43]>> I lure them to the tower and locked them in.

[00:45:45]>> These jewels are false. They must be colored pebbles.

[00:45:47]>> The task is done. The terms are met.

[00:45:49]>> Not until I've counted them. If there be only one that isn't here, I wed the princess Sylinder on the tomorrow.

[00:45:54]>> What a gruesome way to treat one's niece.

[00:45:56]>> Ah, she's not my niece. I stole her from a king.

[00:46:01]We all have flaws and mine is being wicked.

[00:46:04]>> Who is my father then?

[00:46:06]>> I thought the golocks told you, but then of course he never could remember things, >> especially the names of kings.

[00:46:15]>> Your father is good king Wayne of Yarl.

[00:46:19]>> I knew that once, but I forgot it. Then the gift your father gave to Hagar has operated in the end to make you happy.

[00:46:26]The tail is much too tidy for my taste.

[00:46:28]I hate it. It's neat and to my taste refreshing. There is, however, one fact still to be revealed to make a neat tail even neater. If I may introduce myself, I am a servant of the king, the good King Wayne of Yarrow.

[00:46:44]>> Now, that I didn't know. You could have saved the princess many years ago.

[00:46:49]>> This part I always hate to tell, but I was under a witch's spell. Sometimes with due respect the mother I weary of witches of their witchly ways. Oh >> I can't even trust the spies I see. And as for you gllocks you mere device. You platitude. You golock machina.

[00:47:11]>> Quiet please. You gleaming thief and 15 16 17 18 998 999.

[00:47:30][laughter] The table's bare. That one too few.

[00:47:36]The princess belongs to me, not you.

[00:47:39]>> I thought I felt something drop and hit my foot whilst we were in the wood.

[00:47:46]1,000.

[00:47:49]>> Well, what you waiting for? Depart. If you begone forever, it will not be long enough. If you return no more, then it will be too soon. Be gone. What care I if you leave? My joys will last forever.

[00:48:03][music] Yaro is halfway on our journey. You'll need these horses. Keep warm. Ride close together. Remember laughter. You'll need it even in the blessed isles of ever after.

[00:48:24]>> One thing, Gollocks. From whence came the thousandth jewel. I saw the table bear at 999.

[00:48:33]>> If I never did it, I'd have did it. The thousand's jewel came from the Duke's own. [laughter] >> Oh, it's time. Go away. I fear a fair wind stands for Yarrow. Are you selling with us?

[00:48:47]>> I must stay a fortnight longer. So runs my witch's spell. It will give me time to tidy up and taunt the Duke as well.

[00:48:56]>> Where's the gllocks? Where's he gone?

[00:48:58]>> Oh, he knows a lot of places.

[00:49:01]>> Give him our love and this rose when you see him next.

[00:49:05]>> I will.

[00:49:06]>> Farewell, Hark, and farewell, Gollocks, wherever you are. Come and see us whenever you're in Zorna.

[00:49:18]>> The two white horses snorted [music] snowy mist in the cool green glade that led down to the harbor. A fair wind stood for Yrow, and looking far out to sea, the Princess Salinda thought she saw, as people often think they see on clear and windless days, the distant [music] shining shores of Ever After.

[00:49:37]Your guess is quite as good as mine.

[00:49:39]There are lots of things that shine, but I've always thought she did, and I'll always think so. That takes care of the prince and princess in our [music] story. But what of the cold, aggressive Duke? Well, he in fact finishes the tale. A fortnight later, as he sat in his oak room, gloating over Haggar's jewels of laughter, suddenly he heard a little sound like sigh.

[00:50:10]What slush is this?

[00:50:13]The jewels which were jewels not a moment since have melted.

[00:50:23]You come at last, you blob of glump.

[00:50:29]You may frighten occupied to death, you jibious porn of hate and thunder, but not the Duke of Coppin Castle. Now that my precious gems have turned to flap, living on alone and cold is not my fondest wish. So on guard, you must be super you.

[00:50:56]>> [music] >> You That is strange. I thought he was here gloating. There is nothing he likes better than a gloat. I wonder where he could be.

[00:51:27]And what is this on which I slipped?

[00:51:32]Well, I am blurred. [laughter] It's the purple ball with owls embossed in gold.

[00:51:44]The 13 clocks by James Thurber was adapted by Peter Field. The Duke was Paul Hardwick. The Golocks, Heron Carvik, Prince Zingu, Nigel Lambert, and Hagar Pauline Wyn. Hark was played by Godfrey Kenton, Tosspot by Alan Dudley, Sarah Linda by Sandra Clark, [music] and the captain by David Sinclair. The narrator was John Row. The music was composed and conducted by David Kaine and performed by the Pritorious Consort, Christopher Ball, Alan Wilson, Christopher Wilson, and Nell Romano.

[00:52:16][music] The 13 clocks was produced by John Theocaris.