If you’ve ever worried that fighting means something is wrong with your relationship, this might

Added: 2026-05-26

[00:00:00]The biggest lie about healthy relationships that nobody is calling out, healthy couples do not fight less, they fight >> [music] >> better. I'm Melissa Divaris Thompson, I'm a licensed therapist specializing in couples and relationships. There's this widespread belief that if your relationship is right, you will not have many conflicts, >> [music] >> that the absence of fighting is the goal, that stable couples have figured out how to be on the same page about everything. [music] And this belief is doing serious damage because in 15 years of couples work, I've rarely, [music] rarely met a healthy couple that does not fight, mine included. What I have met is couples who fight and repair [music] quickly, couples who get heated and come back to each other within hours, not days, couples who can disagree about something hard, still know that they're on the same team.

[00:00:49]Healthy [music] is not the absence of rupture. Healthy is the presence of repair. When you measure your relationship against the lie, fewer fights as the goal, you start suppressing real concerns, [music] you stop bringing things up, you tell yourself it's not that big of a deal when it actually is. Eventually, you end up in a quieter, more distant relationship that looks healthier from the outside and feels colder on the inside. Conflict is information.

[00:01:16]Avoiding it is not peace usually, it's [music] a slow disconnection. So, tell me in the comments, what is the relationship lie that you stopped believing? I'm curious to hear. [music] And I have my free attachment style quiz, the link is in the bio.