It's Not Always Defiance #polyvagaltheory #polyvagalparenting #neurodivergent

Added: 2026-05-22

[00:00:00]It's not always defiance.

[00:00:03]One of the great misunderstandings in parenting neurodivergent kids is that we get tricked into believing that their behaviors are deliberate.

[00:00:13]As if they somehow woke up today plotting and planning to make life challenging, but this is not true.

[00:00:19]What we are witnessing is a nervous system crying out for connection.

[00:00:25]But for the neurodivergent child, they are burdened by so much extra cognitive processing as they try to figure out how to how to live and exist and play and interact in this world.

[00:00:38]So so often that behavior is a cry for connection.

[00:00:43]We start to see their behaviors as adaptive.

[00:00:46]We adopt and use a polyvagal lens.

[00:00:52]We get to create opportunities for a whole new way of living life.

[00:00:57]So next time your child's become a bit disregulated, see if you can use your own calm presence to reach in and calm theirs.

[00:01:05]Take a deep breath.

[00:01:07]Pause.

[00:01:10]Soften the face.

[00:01:12]And just see what difference this makes to what happens next.