A love that can never truly live | Being DL forever

Hinzugefügt: 2026-05-28

[00:00:08]You remember uh remember the last time I saw you?

[00:00:14]>> Try to forget all those times.

[00:00:21]>> Yeah.

[00:00:24]You're the only man that's ever touched me.

[00:00:34]I don't even know what.

[00:00:52]>> Hello guys. So, this is Mar back with another video. And like I always say, don't be scared to fall because you may fall into a better situation. I like to feel like I'm a part of that better situation. You're already here, so you might as well subscribe. And without further ado, let's get into today's video essay.

[00:01:09]A love that never lives.

[00:01:15]There are many things that you can take to the grave, but when it comes to sexuality, this is where it becomes challenging to suppress. Masking your sexuality becomes easy with time. But your life isn't a performance. Every performer needs an off day. Every performer needs off time. It's easy to keep a secret, but it becomes unbearable to hide who you are. But some men do.

[00:01:37]Let's talk about this from someone who was once in the closet and what it felt like to hold who I was in. For queer people who have chosen to live their truth, this feeling is common, but we don't hear from or talk about those who take or have taken their sexuality to the grave. We all know that one family member or friend who everyone has always had their speculations about, but instead we should be asking why. Why is he hiding? That is probably something he hasn't admitted to himself. So, it's likely he's never asked himself this question. Therefore, he may not have the answer. There's a deal man who acts on his interest and there are deal men who don't. Both are aware of what they desire. One is just more open to acting out those interests than the other in secrecy, of course, because he hasn't admitted to his attractions. Not owning who you are makes room to believe you are other than what you are inside.

[00:02:24]Sexuality is not a choice. It's a attraction. Attraction is chemistry. Not everyone who is DL is gay. Some men are simply just attracted to both. I feel it's important to always say that. Also, not every DL man is using a woman. There are plenty of gay men who don't use women as a cover up, but simply are just discovering themselves. It doesn't take a sexual connection to love a woman, but it takes a sexual connection to please one. Also, a man can love him and her.

[00:02:48]The problem becomes a man trying to do both at the same time, which is not just wrong for the woman, it's also wrong for the man. They're both being used. But this isn't the typical experience of Dio men, but it is the experience of Dio men who are caught. There are D men who transition from secrecy differently, but those experiences aren't highlighted.

[00:03:06]There are many gay men who have never had sex with women or even dated women.

[00:03:09]There are also deal men who just aren't comfortable with being themselves yet.

[00:03:12]Some would say a man should be single until he knows what he wants. Others will say you never know until you try.

[00:03:18]But trying is different when you're gay.

[00:03:20]There's no coming back with most not even acknowledging bisexual men. Just assuming an open man is just gay. That idea alone makes the decision to come out that much harder for DL men. And it's something that a lot of queer people have to deal with. The queer experience is filled with tons of oppression at the hands of not only straight people but other queer individuals, making the decision to come out even harder. I think those who do both at the same time deserve whatever comes to them. The grace should be extended to Dia men who are intentionally taking the time to get to know themselves. I say this because the word DL is layered and I want people to always remember that men who are open don't always act on their attractions.

[00:03:55]Sometimes this sits in their mind quietly. Anyone who finds that their man is cheating with someone of any gender deserves shame. A love that never lives is a man who never acts on his attractions, suppressing a part of himself, which can have long-term effects on his mental health. His life becomes exhausting. His opinions become scripted. His life belongs to the person he wants to be and not the person he is.

[00:04:18]Every day he clocks into a performance instead of self. Those thoughts start to eat at him. It becomes harder to hide.

[00:04:25]This is where D man can become dangerous and not just for women. Desperation is scary. Look at the links Diddy took to fulfill his fantasies. Regardless of what your deepest desires are, when they aren't fulfilled, at some point you can become desperate. Desperation can lead to obsession. Some men are capable of taking these attractions to the grave, but I can guarantee there will come a day he will wish he explored the side of himself he never had the courage to.

[00:04:51]fighting demons. Might even become envious of other gay men because we have the confidence he doesn't. But this is simply the choice he has made. But that doesn't make it easier to sit with for a deal man inside. He knows exactly what he likes. The cost of not being yourself is being someone else. At some point being someone else becomes heavy to carry. Secrets become burdens.

[00:05:11]Suppressed attractions feed desperation.

[00:05:13]Desperation can lead to desperate measures. This is how some Dale men end up using women and gay men. But there are dear men who have never slept with men, but know that they're attracted to them. This kind of man I command because it takes strength to never explore a part of yourself. That feeling I relate to. I command a man who is open but doesn't explore while with someone else who doesn't know that they're open. But I'm also sorry for the women who fall in love with someone who is conflicted with their sexuality because she should know and she should have that choice. For Dio men, it's easier some days, but other days is harder. It's never settled. is consistent in your mind. It's inexcapable. I also understand the world we live in. It doesn't understand what it means to be queer, gay, or bisexual.

[00:05:58]So, it's easy to judge. But once you find the confidence to live your truth, you'll see it's all worth it once that weight is lifted off your shoulders. The perfect person for someone who is down low is probably someone who is also down low. But so many openly gay men glorify down low men, which gives them more options. Also, most men attractions start with women and then it expands over time in some cases. Unless you grew up in a home that never forced heterosexualism on to you. Even though most of download relationships are shaped around fulfilling their sexual interest, there is love that can develop within this dynamic. So many people wonder why download men often times come back to gay men. It's because the young man can feel a sense of comfort with queer individuals. He'll never admit that he loves them, that he wants to keep them, but also keep them a secret.

[00:06:49]This pushing and pulling dynamic is often times why a lot of gay men are attracted to download men. They sympathize with not being able to own your truth because they were also once in the closet. But don't ever let that be the excuse for you being used as a gay person. It becomes harder to get away from the young man because deep down you know he may love you. He may treat you right. He's comfortable with you. He confides in you. But someone who loves you will take ownership of loving you. Never settle for the feeling of love when you can always have something real. The other man will jump through so many hoops to make you happy to jump through just as many to keep you a secret. Whether he acknowledges his actuality or not, deep down he knows who he is. The fear is others finding out if no one knows. To him, it doesn't exist.

[00:07:37]The fear is others finding out and him having to face who he really is. It's okay to act on his fantasies and secrecy because he can lie to everyone and even lie to himself. He feels justified in these lies because it gives him a reason to hide. But the thing about being dal is it doesn't last forever. When dealing with others, at some point the performance will crack and someone will see the real you. Even when you don't act out your fantasies as a down low man, it doesn't stop your attractions.

[00:08:06]Therefore, your eyes will still wonder.

[00:08:08]The curiosity will still be there. The anxiety of holding yourself in is still there. Even when you have a wife and children, taking things this far can sometimes be a part of the performance.

[00:08:20]There are download bisexual men and there are download gay men. A love that never lives is a man who is down low forever. He never acts on his attractions, but he's stuck in a relationship with a woman or even no one, but knows that he's attracted to more. Not confident enough to act on his attractions. A constant battle of storing his true self until he sees someone he's attracted to or sees someone living the truth that he's decided that he can't. He finds himself unfulfilled in his relationship or his life. Eventually, his attractions eat at him until he owns them. Or he'll spend the rest of his life in misery, performing self. Or sometimes he'll act out his attractions in secrecy and jump through tons of hoops to keep it a secret. Still signing up for performance.

[00:09:08]This is a love that never lives.