Stop Settling...Start Living!

Added: 2026-05-06

[00:00:01]Welcome along to my channel. Today I want to talk about how we land ourselves in patterns that play out in our life. I really want to talk today about I want to get a message across today to the person that is done with their life. they they're just so disconnected, so unhappy, and not lit up in their current life. And whatever that looks like for you, that's the message or that's the person that I really want to um yeah, resonate with today because I I've been that person, right? So, let let's talk about what this looks like.

[00:00:45]It looks like you're just very shut down. You're you're very exhausted. You come home at the end of the day from work and you're just burnt. You've got nothing to give. You get to the weekends, you're doing the housework, you're doing the gardening, you're doing the groceries, you're doing the cooking.

[00:01:02]You're just busting your ass basically preparing yourself for the Monday or however your schedule works. You're then getting up and you're just, you know, in the traffic, you know, dropping kids off to school, whatever it is that you're doing. But the I guess the main point is that you are exhausted. You are so done with that Groundhog Day. You are so done with living your life like this, but you don't know how to get out of it. And I lived that life for many, many, many, many years. And I was in an incredible, very highly capable, competent, very um driven woman. But you know what? She was completely and utterly disconnected from her own essence, from herself. She was very, very shut down. And so today, I want to talk to those, you know, those people that are in that situation where you're just, you know, you feel it at every single level that you're just burned. You're just done. But there's something within you that's rumbling and wants to be birthed out of you, but you really don't know how to get there. And I do know how to get there because I have done the work. I have shifted my whole entire life around in the most phenomenal ways and I live a life of complete freedom. And so today I really want to speak to this. So I'm going to start with a personal story because it's all very well saying well yes we want to change our life around but you need to really work on what patterns need to be broken so that you can change your life around. Because it's not a matter of just going, "Yeah, well, you know, I'm just going to wake up and change my life." No, this is deep embodiment. This is deep integration work. This is looking at your patterns that are and your beliefs and the programming and why you respond to life the way that you do. Because the way that we've been programmed is, and it's not anyone's fault. It's just the way that society's been, but it's not actually how we need to be living. We can be living abundantly. We can be living freely. We can be living an incredible life for ourself. But we've got to do some inner work to get there. We've got to get out of these patterns. We've got to get out of these beliefs. So, I'm going to share a bit of a personal story today and then just, you know, connect in. just be honest, open, and transparent to really try and connect in with those that you know that this is going to really land with because I have a beautiful purpose and it's to help people shift with a special focus for women, but really shift your life around in ways that are in alignment with your essence. So, you're no longer shut down and disconnected from yourself. So, when I was 21, I was married. I know crazy but I was married at 20 and by the age of 21 I found myself in the very first the first there was one of this is one of many where I was the one that was earning the income because someone wasn't able to and we don't need to feed that story it doesn't really matter but the the reality is is that I was the one that was um having to you know I was already earning but stepping up this was a pattern And it continued to play out for that entire dynamics, that 27-year relationship.

[00:04:31]And not to say that I was the only one ever earning cuz that's not actually true. But I was definitely this the one for many, many years that had to step up, step up, step up, be responsible, be capable, show up, be the provider. I became the provider in the family. Not intentionally, and it's not anyone's fault. is just the way life unfolded.

[00:04:57]However, that that woman, she was always very capable. I mean, even at, you know, at a young age, I was highly capable. Even as a teenager, highly capable, highly competent, could always sort of fend for myself right from a young girl. But when you are thrown into a situation or you you land yourself in a situation where you are now under high stress and I'm talking intense stress and you are now having to not only just be the financial provider, the main financial provider in the family while raising a family and doing everything else that you do and you lose a huge part of yourself through that. And so what happens is this pattern starts to play out and it's called the overfunctioning pattern. And I talk about this through all my it's the foundation of my work. It's one of the four operating states that I speak to. So I speak to four um energetic states through my energy audit work. So there's the overfunctioning pattern, the controlled pattern, the reactive pattern, and then there's the magnetic.

[00:06:06]Well, they're operating states, not really patterns, sorry. So they are operating states. But let's talk about the overfunctioning one. I became incredibly overfunctioning.

[00:06:16]I was highly cap and this is the thing.

[00:06:18]Normally when we're in that kind of pattern, we are highly highly capable people. We But this is the this is the downside. This is the work that I do is we start carrying the emotional load for everybody else. There is an invisible emotional load that we start carrying. I carried it for my husband. I was carrying it for my children. I was carrying it for other family members. I was then carrying it into the workplace and so on and so on and so on. Nobody asked me to do this by the way. It was just this is what I thought I had to do.

[00:06:52]And so because I was so externally focused and so outwardly focused, what happened was burnout hit me. Major burnout.

[00:07:01]But guess what? I just kept going like a machine. I kept going because society says that I must, you know, I've got a mortgage to pay for. I've got a very sick husband. I've got children that need to be fed and I need to show up. I have to step up. There's all these financial commitments and I just, you know, the the stress I I cannot put into words the incredible pressure and the internal stress that I was carrying, the load that I was carrying every single day.

[00:07:31]that load.

[00:07:33]People could see it, but they couldn't they couldn't connect in with me. I I couldn't connect in with me. I was so lost and disconnected because I was just operating from this very overfunctioning pattern. Then it leads into this controlling pattern where it's like, well, I got to hold everything together, right? Because nobody else is, so I've got to.

[00:07:59]And so you just in that space you are in this very distorted hypervigilant masculine energy because we have both of these polarities within us. And so when you're in very heavy heavy masculine energy you completely disconnect from that beautiful feminine essence. You become very unbalanced within yourself.

[00:08:21]And it's it's a pattern that is just rife through everywhere. And it was it was just my I was so out of balance in my life that I lost all sense of who I was.

[00:08:36]When you are in that energy, you are disconnected from your true essence, from yourself, from your intuition. And so that is the feminine essence within you. And that's the bit that we need to unblock. And how do you unblock it? By getting out of this overfunctioning and controlling pattern. because that is, believe it or not, that's your nervous system. I never said I never said I never thought I was an anxious person because my definition of anxiety was someone having major panic attacks and that wasn't me. But what I have learned through my own journey was the overfunctioning and that controlling type pattern was my anxiety playing out in a different way.

[00:09:22]So when I've gone through my own personal journey and I was just I just so shut down, you know, like I would go into work and yes, I could show up and I could fully compartmentalize and and do well in my job, but there was something missing inside of me. There was something lost. She'd really lost all essence of who she was.

[00:09:46]my soul was completely suffocated, you know, and what I I've learned through my own journey and through my own path is that is when we lose that essence, that feminine essence, that knowing that this isn't normal, this isn't healthy.

[00:10:04]Why am I enabling this? I was enabling and normalizing behavior is one that should never have been normalized in all areas of my life. But most importantly, I found myself carrying the emotional load of others. And that leads to burnout in a huge way. And that is the work that I really want to help people with because today I live the most incredible life. But I've gone inwards and I've done the work. I've looked at myself. I've looked at these patterns, these overfunctioning patterns. Where did they stem from?

[00:10:39]Right? They stemmed from a young a very young woman, you know, just branching out in life really and got found herself in a situation that was, you know, intense from day one and you just normalize it and you become conditioned to it and then you through that conditioning you then lose sense of yourself because now you're just reacting to everything in life. And let me tell you, I was reacting to everything in life. It was just one drama after the next, drama after the next. This is not normal. We shouldn't be living like this. And so what happened was then I was just, well, this is what I've got to do. But I never had an opportunity to take stock and stop with myself and go, well, hang on.

[00:11:25]What about me? What about my needs? What do I want for me? And so, it took a very deep awakening for that process to unfold.

[00:11:34]But I'm here to tell you this. I work with a lot of clients around the world and one of the common themes that I often get is, you know, I've got no money. I've, you know, I'm behind in bills and I'm doing this and I'm doing that and this is this is the reason why I want to speak to this is because you have to take stock on your life.

[00:11:58]There has to come a point in your life where you actually stop yourself and go, "Hang on a minute. What am I creating for myself? Am I reacting to life like I was? Because I was in full-blown reactive mode, right? Just trying to fix every piece of drama. And when I'm talking drama, I'm talking high intense stuff that was playing out daily in my life.

[00:12:21]And I never I just I never stopped. I never stopped. It actually took an awakening to kick me on my ass for me to stop and hit a brick wall like a solid mother of a brick wall to go, what the hell am I doing with myself? What am I doing with my life?

[00:12:42]And so from there is when I started to slowly work on myself and pick myself up and transform and create my new life.

[00:12:50]And it's taken years. It's not just something that's happened in 5 minutes.

[00:12:53]But I look back now and I realize that the reason I was in that, you know, in those situations is because I didn't know how to hold space for myself. I didn't know how to say no. I didn't know I didn't know I could. I didn't know I was allowed to say no.

[00:13:12]Actually, this doesn't resonate with me.

[00:13:15]So, if you're in a situation that's not lighting you up and it's disconnecting and you're burnt out and exhausted, it doesn't matter what it is. It could be work, could be a relationship, doesn't really matter.

[00:13:27]And it's draining your energy. I'm here to tell you, stop. Take stock on yourself.

[00:13:35]This is your opportunity. If this is landing with you, this is your opportunity to say, "What am I doing? Is this in resonance with me? Is this in alignment with me? Is this lighting up?"

[00:13:47]the amount of um people that I work with and I hear and I was this woman so I understand it where we we stay in dynamics out of programming and conditioning because we think we have no other choice blows me up and we have a choice. We absolutely have a choice and it doesn't matter where you are at in terms of say your finances you can change your life around. You absolutely can.

[00:14:19]There is no obstacle that your own creative soul can actually overcome.

[00:14:26]You are that powerful. And it is about shifting your inner being. Really sitting with yourself and saying what wants to come through me. There are so many beautiful people I work with where they want to just sing, be artists, but they've got all this programming that says no, you can't make money through art. It's just someone else's programming. It's not true. And yet then all of that side of them is just stifled and suffocated and disconnected. And we lose essence. We lose that essence within ourself. And then we become withdrawn. We come become closed off.

[00:15:01]And we come become very shut down.

[00:15:05]We can't receive. We don't even we've put all these big walls up, these big blocks up because we're controlling.

[00:15:12]We're in these over functioning patterns and our nervous system is is completely wired for fight and flight.

[00:15:22]If this lands with you, I'm here to say this. As a woman who's been through a very, very tough time as an adult who now lives a life of complete and utter freedom, you can change your life around. You can change it around in ways that I never in a million years thought I could do. Although, funnily enough, I kind of knew I could, but I wasn't sure what what the way was. I know the way.

[00:15:50]I absolutely know the way, but it comes down to you. No one can do this for you, you know. It comes down to you stepping up and saying, you know what? I I actually I want better. I don't want to be going into this work environment anymore and putting up with BS from my boss. You know, I don't want to be stuck in this relationship anymore. That is just not lighting me up at all. It's not giving me the growth and the expansion that I need. You know, the amount of women that I work with that put up with abuse, and I was one of them. Can't believe I even tolerated that stuff. But I put up with abuse and toxic behaviors just because somebody else was so miserable on the inside. This this needs to stop. But how do we stop it?

[00:16:38]By saying enough is enough. When is enough going to be enough for you?

[00:16:44]You know, we don't we when we start having these real honest, truthful conversations because I wished somebody had said that to me, Kathleen, when is enough going to be enough for you?

[00:16:58]When is it going to be enough for you?

[00:17:03]So, some of you will be that are listening to this will get this. This will land and hit a note with you. We do not need to be subjected to bosses that are being basically. We don't need to be subjected to partners that are are not speaking lovingly and warm and kindly to our self. We don't need to tolerate friendships where, you know, they're just they're just not healthy. We don't need to tolerate any of that stuff.

[00:17:35]And but yet we do. We continue to put up with this crap in our life. And we actually don't need to. You really, really don't. But you've got to take stock. You've got to start looking at yourself. You've got to start asking yourself the hard questions. What am I doing? What am I allowing? What am I tolerating in my life? And am I comfortable with the continuation of this pattern for the next 20, 30 years?

[00:17:58]Am I actually do I want that for me?

[00:18:03]and let that land. Is my current physical reality right now lighting me up? And am I comfortable with that for the next however many years? Or do I want to make a change? Do I want to start showing up for myself and saying, you know what, enough is enough? I actually have this beautiful gift inside of me that I know I want to express out and and or I know that the way the job that I'm in is just not lighting me up but I don't know how to have those tough conversa well not tough but just those conversations with my boss so that I you know that I've I'm in a role that's lighting me up or you know what this relationship it's dying I'm dying on the inside. That was me. I was dying on the inside and I didn't even know. And the thing is is that we we create a story around these things to try and normalize it. There's nothing normal, nothing healthy about these stories that we tell oursel. You're holding on to a version that's no longer real. And that's where I was at. I was holding on to a version that hadn't been real for a very, very long time.

[00:19:15]So, this is a deep um message today. But I guess what I want to get across here is those overfunctioning patterns are holding you back. That is the gap, right? This is the these are the clues.

[00:19:26]These patterns are the clues to teach you the patterns in your life that are holding you back from having the life that you truly truly deserve to have.

[00:19:36]Everyone deserves to be abundant.

[00:19:39]Everyone deserves to have a very stable life. Everyone deserves to have a life of freedom. Everybody. But but you know, we're so programmed that we don't know how to have it. And I can assure you that you can have it, but you have to start saying, "When is enough for me?"

[00:19:56]And I want change. I want change. I don't want to continue this anymore cuz it's not healthy for anybody.

[00:20:03]No dynamics that's unhealthy or a job or what whatever it is. When we're staying and we're we're putting up with that and we're saying, "Well, this is all I've got in life." that is not healthy for anyone that's around you. So, this is a little bit of a mixed message today, but I just want to really let this land. You know, I see people all the time really suffering and really, really struggling. And I'm here to share that you don't need to, but you need to see these patterns in your life. You need to go inwards. You need to look at yourself. You need to look at your nervous system because until you start looking at those things, you'll continue to keep experiencing the same dynamics until you say, "I'm the one that needs to shift. I don't need anyone else to shift. I need to make the shift." And it's not until you make the shift will your physical life actually start to mirror that back to you. Anyway, if you would like some, you know, some real help and support, this is the work that I do. I'm here to help you shift, create that life that is just breathing inside of you that doesn't know how to come out. You don't need to sit in this fear. You don't need to sit in these overunctioning, controlling patterns. They're not serving you. They are blocking you in a huge way of the love that you want in your life, the abundance that you want, the the friendships, the job, the business, whatever it is that lights you up.

[00:21:36]Those patterns are the blocks, right?

[00:21:39]Those patterns is what's getting in the way of you actually attracting in the things that you know are inside of you.

[00:21:48]Anyway, I'm going to wrap this up. Thank you so much for listening. Take care.