This Relationship Took A Dark Turn FAST… (With Updates) | Reading Reddit Stories

Added: 2026-05-12

[00:00:00]Hi guys, welcome to or welcome back to another episode of the storytime society. I'm your host Jamie and I'm so happy you're here. I'm so glad you're live. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode. The theme of this episode is relationships that are going to take a dark turn. If you're on Spotify and you haven't already, please follow me and rate me five stars. And if you're on YouTube, please like, comment, and subscribe. And if possible, give me some high points cuz I would really appreciate that. It all really helps to push out my channel to other people like you that like this kind of content.

[00:00:29]Anyways, let's get straight into the episode. The first story is super long.

[00:00:33]It's even marked like long. So, let's get buckled up and get right into it.

[00:00:40]The title of it is me 25 female with my boyfriend 25 male. We've been together for 7 months. He's very jealous and keeps making rules for me to follow. I have a bit of a weird predicament to share with you. I've been dating my boyfriend Peter for about 7 months now.

[00:00:58]When we get along, we get along spectacularly. Our chemistry is off the charts. We're playful. We're both driven. We have similar interests, same career path, both read for leisure, both interested in exercise. I've been told by many friends that they can just sense how much we care about each other and that we have the same disposition. Calm, relaxed, sweet. If not for the following stuff, I would be head over heels for him. Hell, I already am when he's not acting this way. So, this stuff started happening about a month in. Peter is an extremely jealous person. He's admitted this to me. He can also be a bit judgmental and conservative. The following is a list of things that he's asked me to do for him throughout the course of our relationship. I haven't asked for anything like this in return, and I've even asked him if he feels like I've done the same, and he's said no.

[00:01:46]Okay, here's the list. No cursing, no low cut shirts, no weed, not a big deal.

[00:01:53]I've smoked less than 10 times and was okay with giving this up for him. He prefers me to not get drunk. Not a big deal. I don't drink a lot, but it kind of sucks that I can never let loose and get tipsy with my friends without a comment from him. No perverted perverted jokes with him or anyone else. He says the jokes would be funny if a guy said them, but they're not funny when I do it. No using a joking little kid voice with friends, even girls. No talking about other guys around him because he thinks I'm trying to make him jealous.

[00:02:22]No talking about past relationships, even though he does this. No emojis and texts with other guys. No exclamation points or sounding too flirty or happy when talking to guys. Audibly say goodbye when we part ways. Verbally greet him even if I'm late to class. No speaking to male friends on the telephone or texting after 10:00 p.m. at night. Text him when I leave my apartment and I'm on the way to school.

[00:02:47]This isn't a specific rule, but if I don't text him for 3 to 4 hours during the day, he'll say, "Oh, hi there, silent one. What have you been up to?"

[00:02:54]He likes me to stop by his study space when I get to school before class, after class, and before I leave at the end of the day. He's stopped by my space less than 10 times in our 7 months together.

[00:03:04]He asks me if I'm behaving when we're not together physically. We've had a bit of a power struggle when I've wanted to go out with my group of friends. There is a structured timetable of how much I'm allowed to talk to my ex. We broke up two years ago and half and a and a half and had a year of silence.

[00:03:22]Recently, we've been speaking on Facebook. He doesn't have my phone number. It's random stuff about our undergraduate. Just friendly stuff, light-hearted. I'm only allowed to talk to him once every 3 weeks for 10 to 15 minutes. If he Facebooks me and has been outside those 3 weeks, I'm not supposed to respond. He still gets mad even when the ex Facebooks me. I'm not supposed to flirt with members of the opposite sex.

[00:03:44]I don't. However, he's seen interactions between guys and me, and it appears he thinks that anything along the lines of smiling, laughing, or sarcasm are grounds for flirting. He doesn't like easily 80% of the guys I interact with on a regular basis. There have been a few incidents that have bothered me in the time that we've been together. In the interest of time, the most recent problem he and I have been having is my friend named James. James graduated last year from the program that Peter and I are in together. He's a big brother type to me. He was assigned as TA for the class that I was in and I went to study group that he led. We became friends.

[00:04:19]We've been friends for 3 years and nothing has ever happened and neither James nor I have ever showed any interest in it. We just have similar political views and give each other dating advice on occasion. James came to visit the school and he and I got together for lunch while he was there.

[00:04:35]He was here for 3 days and I saw him once for only an hour. Before he visited, we texted back and forth maybe once every 10 days. Since he visited, it's been two to three times a week, about 10 texts at a time. Nothing outrageous. I imagine it'll start lessening when it's been longer since his visit and exams approach. He's in a new city without a lot of friends, and I enjoy talking to him. Because he's working, he usually texts me on Saturday and Sunday more than the work week.

[00:05:00]James texted me last Saturday morning. I didn't answer, so he followed up with a text on Sunday. We chatted briefly about a TV show, and then he texted me again this Saturday to tell me about his date the night before. This has been driving Peter up a wall. He's demanded to see the texts back and forth, even though I strongly object to this, as I think it's an invasion of privacy only 7 months in.

[00:05:20]I let him see all the texts. There was nothing inappropriate there. This is where the no emoji rule came from, though. However, Peter says that James is a shark and is only friends with me because he wants to date me. This is ridiculous because James and I have no feelings for each other, act more like siblings, and are going to be living in different states for the rest of our lives. Peter causes a fight every time he notices James texting me or gets pouty and silent until I ask him what's wrong, and then we fight. About 2 hours ago, Peter gave me another rule. He wants me to arrange it so James only texts me once a week. No word yet on how many texts I would be allowed to exchange with him. He also says he doesn't want us talking about intimate things. When I asked him what that entailed, he brought up that he was mad that I told James that I was going to take a nap in the last conversation we had. I only told James that as a conversation ender so he wouldn't wonder why I wasn't responding. Peter just seems unreasonable. I guess here's the big problem. I feel like Peter gets mad about something, fights with me until I'm worn down, and then comes up with a compromise, which is really just him imposing another rule on me. There was a guy who liked me at the beginning of the year that I eventually just had to block on my phone because Peter got so mad about it. He's asked me twice to show him that the guy is really blocked. He really is. Same thing happened with the ex, and I know his endgame is me never speaking to the ex again. Peter had a jealousy issue with my friend Rob and wore me down to the point that I basically just avoid Rob now. Rob even approached to ask if I was mad at him and apologized for whatever he did. I just feel like this is going to keep happening over and over. I never get the benefit of the doubt. James is constantly afraid I'm going to be stolen from him and I feel like I teeter totter between wanting to give him what he wants so he'll feel comfortable and feeling like it will never be enough. I feel like a caged animal. I'm afraid every time James texts me or any guy speaks to me in front of Peter. I like him so much, but this jealousy is driving me crazy. I'm also afraid if we're together, I'm going to get to the point where I'm not allowed to be friendly with 50% of the population. I'm in danger of losing a total of three good, respectful guy friends, all of which I've known for longer than Peter.

[00:07:28]I knew Rob for 2 years, James for three, and the ex for nearly six. I'm not a bad person or a bad girlfriend, and I'm tired of being treated this way. We fight at least weekly, sometimes twice a week, o over an issue like this. I just want it to stop and to be with the person I felt so hard for. But I also don't want to end up in a controlling relationship with someone who can't manage their jealousy. Any advice ever been on his side or mine? He's already going to a counselor, but our school only provides one every 2 weeks and he missed his last appointment. He's open to couples counseling, but I don't know if there's a point 7 months in. Because he missed the last appointment, he hasn't brought up the jealousy thing with his counselor yet. He's willing to read books on this topic, but I feel like the problem is that he won't start to get better until he really trusts me and wants to change. He says that he does, but then he keeps doing this stuff. Holy [ __ ] Oh my god. I'm literally running out of breath. I'm I'm so exhausted, girl. I'm so exhausted after reading that. Holy [ __ ] I'm just going to say there's no compromise. This man needs to be honestly jailed. Honestly, lock him up.

[00:08:40]He's like a danger to society because what in God's name?

[00:08:47]You're not running like a military camp.

[00:08:52]One, two, like seriously, you're scaring me. The way that you're acting as if your girlfriend is like you're like the sergeant and your girlfriend is like u I don't even know what they call them, but like whatever that is. I'm scared because that's literally what it's giving. It's like it's giving like make your bed and like if you can't flip a quarter on it then like you need to remake it again and again. She's honestly like this is I can't even I can't even I can't I don't have anything else to say other than please break up with if you have a boyfriend like this or a girlfriend like this please break up with them immediately.

[00:09:34]I know you like him and I know you think that when you guys get along it's spectacular, but I promise you there's a guy out there that you'll get along with spectacularly that won't do any of this weird [ __ ] He has like a severe like I think lock him away in a white padded room honestly cuz he's not well. He's so scary. Any guy like this needs to be like electroshock therapy or something because he's really scaring me. I cannot believe that a man like this exists that has 87 different rules and then every week there's a new rule.

[00:10:14]How could you even take that? What 5 minutes of me reading the story and I literally am emotionally exhausted right now. I'm like I don't know if I can take more of this.

[00:10:27]Holy [ __ ] Okay, this is a month later.

[00:10:31]An update. All right, I'm scared. Sorry that I dropped off and stopped responding all of a sudden. I want to take a moment to sincerely thank you all for support. I've read every single comment and PM probably four times. I was went I also went and picked up a book two days ago about controlling relationships which was re recommended to me by a few Redditors. I've read 160 pages so far. Honestly, I'm so turned around in this relationship that I don't know what's happening anymore. I do think that this relationship has some disturbingly manipulative and controlling elements coming from Peter.

[00:11:05]We've had several incidents in the last 4 weeks which have been very disheartening. Here's a sample. I went out for happy hour with friends, a guy and a girl that are engaged to each other at 5:00 p.m. while Peter studied.

[00:11:17]I guess he assumed we were eating dinner together because we eat most of our meals together. He didn't confirm that though. He knew what where I was going and who I was with. I put my phone away because my friends both had their phone away and it was just us three. My phone was on silent because I had been in the library. I checked my phone every half hour or so. The last time I checked it, he had sent me a text asking about dinner and then a snarky follow-up 15 minutes later. I had ordered an appetizer with my friends and wasn't hungry. I told him to go ahead and eat without me and we would meet up later. I decided to go back to my friend's house to play with their dog and have another beer. Peter had told me that he was going to study until 10:00 p.m. and then wanted to spend the night together. All of a sudden, Peter was mad at me for not telling him I was eating, not telling him we switched locations, even though I did within 10 minutes of switching places, and telling me that he had every right as my boyfriend to know where I was. He said I was inconsiderate and selfish. He was texting me every 10 to 15 minutes, angry at me, and completely ruined the night. I couldn't hide from my friends that I was upset, and it was borderline humiliating. I went home by 10 p.m. but didn't want to see him because I was angry. He didn't apologize until the next day after we talked about it extensively and even then he tried to justify it. I feel weird around my friends now that they've seen this.

[00:12:29]Another incident when we ran into one of my good friends and I stopped to chat with her. Peter and I had spent the night together, had lunch together, and gone on a walk. I caught up with my friend for 3 minutes and then planned on walking to Peter's study space to chat for a few minutes before going back to my friend to study with her. Peter likes to say goodbye, even though we study like 20 ft apart, separated by a wall.

[00:12:50]Peter got impatient, felt ignored, and walked off. And then he sent me several texts about how rude and inconsiderate I was by pretending that he wasn't there.

[00:12:58]That wasn't true at all. I was telling my friend I liked her sweater, asking her how she was, and then I was going to exit with Peter to fill my water bottle and say goodbye. This blew up into a 3-hour argument via text. I had my best friend from home visiting last weekend.

[00:13:11]She stayed with me and drove 18 hours round trip and 4 days just to see me.

[00:13:15]Peter constantly texted, made passive aggressive comments if I didn't respond quickly enough, and generally was negative about me not giving him enough attention. I pointed all of this out. He agreed and told me he would calm down.

[00:13:27]We all went to a dinner on her last night in town, and I thought it went nicely. When Peter got out of the car, my friend made a comment that she was glad to see Peter and I getting along better. 5 minutes later, I got a text from Peter criticizing me, accusing me of not acting like a couple with him, acting distant and not holding his hand.

[00:13:44]I was shocked. I thought I did a great job with the conversation. He talked for his fair share amount of time, and he got along well with my friend. She's been my best friend for 10 years. He said he hates how I always do this. I have literally no idea what he's talking about. This wasn't a date. This was the first time he met one of the people who was the most important to me. And the last thing I wanted to do was make her feel like a third wheel. I told him I wasn't going to argue while she was in town, but obviously was upset for the rest of the night. He apologized the next day, but only after we had a long conversation. Obviously, he didn't make a good impression once my friend saw the aftermath of dinner. Peter and I had a good day on Tuesday. We had fun, we were getting along, etc. I came over to his place, took a nap, he went to soccer, and then I ordered us dinner. We ate together and bonded. I checked my phone.

[00:14:27]I keep it in my backpack now at his request, and he saw I had a text. He wanted to know who it was from and what it said. I told him it was from James asking where I was studying this summer, my home state or school state. Peter started lecturing me about getting texts after 10:00 p.m. It was 10:30 where we were, 9:30 where James was. He talked about how it was inappropriate he wouldn't talk to a girl so late and asked why James wanted to know where I was. He asked if James was planning on visiting me. James and I have no plans like that whatsoever. Later, I got Chapstick out of my backpack and Peter started accusing me of sneaking around to text James back. I wasn't. He asked me three times if that's what I did. I almost left, but Peter convinced me to stay. All of a sudden, I felt suspicious. I asked to see his Facebook chat so that I could see when he last Facebookked his ex that he swears he hasn't spoken to. He refused. I ended up leaving and then coming back and saying if he wouldn't show me the same transparency that he's demanded from me, it was over. He still tried to say no.

[00:15:26]In retrospect, I'm horrified by how angry I felt. I wanted to push him or hit him. I've never ever felt like that towards another person. It's like I didn't recognize myself. He ended up showing me the log. He had a long conversation with his ex from Christmas Eve, which was laden with inside jokes, flirting, and sexual references. I asked to see his phone. Whole months were missing from his call log, but he had two voicemails from her, which insinuated they had some contact with each other. He swears that's all there is, but almost half of his call log is gone. This is something I could forgive in a normal relationship with remorse and change, but it hurts a lot considering that he's breaking rules he's given me, lied and been hypocritical. I feel so watched and suffocated over actual guy friends, subjected myself to structured timets imposed by him, had an open phone policy, and he's off talking about suggestive stuff with his ex. She's blocked him now, but that's not the point. He's got me to the point where I feel guilty every time a male friend talks to me. And I've actually started believing that I'm doing something wrong if I laugh at a guy's friend's joke. I feel sick when my phone goes off if I'm around him. I've been reading literature on controlling and abusive relationships and shared my concerns with him that he's meandering into this territory.

[00:16:36]He's been dismissive of it almost every time that I've brought it up. I've had three friends tell me that they're concerned based on the rules and his jealousy. He just says he has high standards and boundaries and that I would be jealous too if the rules were reversed. I don't think I would be, but he insists that I would be. I just feel like he doesn't listen to me or take me seriously. I thought things were getting better. He said I could text James whenever I wanted and he would be less harsh and critical in general. Yesterday though, yesterday though, he asked if I had responded to James and why that guy wanted to know where I was and said it was weird James was being so nosy. I think James was just making conversation. Then last night, I was studying with friends and Peter walked by. Peter and I had just fought. We had been at dinner 10 minutes before and I was mid-word in conversation with a friend and just made eye contact with him and looked away. I got a text asking why I didn't smile and wave. I apologized and said it was my fault and didn't mean to hurt his feelings. I then got more texts saying I was cold and demanding an explanation. That got me upset and I tried to tell him that the constant criticism and control was too much. That I felt like he was trying to control my emotions and make me pretend to be happy when I wasn't. He told me I was overreacting and he was tired of arguing and just wanted to be good and nice. I feel like he starts a fight, expresses his feelings, and then wants it to be over. Even though the criticism and control is really wearing me down and making me agitated, I just feel like if I stay with him, I'm going to end up giving in and letting him criticize me, letting go of my guy friendss and apologizing when I mess up. that I'll just end up a shell of myself and cater to his needs instead of compromising.

[00:18:05]But I also don't think he's doing this on purpose. I think he gets insecure and doesn't know how to fix it. So, he wants me to do it instead of asking himself if he's overreacting. I think that's how we get all these rules. He's fixing symptoms and not the root cause. I don't think any of this is malicious, girl.

[00:18:22]Yes, it is. I tried to break up with him again 2 days ago. He begged me to wait until after finals, 8 days. Eventually, I agreed, but said that there would be no sleepovers or physical affection. He agreed, but now he's trying to kiss me, even when I tell him I don't want to kiss. And then he gets mad that I'm not kissing back. He says he knows now that he's been controlling and manipulative and that he'll change. But I'm not seeing any change. I just feel so confused as to whether I'm overreacting or not. I can't tell if he's actually being a little abusive, and he makes me doubt myself because he doesn't call me names or hurt me physically. He wants to read the book when I'm done with it, and he says he'll learn from it and wants to stay with me. In 8 days, finals are over. In 17 days, I graduate from law school. I just feel so bad about myself and confused. I've always been an empathetic person, an emotionally intelligent person. That's usually what I'm known for by friends. Know how to say the right thing at the right time, and see things from other people's perspectives. But I feel so steamrolled.

[00:19:16]I'm also so embarrassed. I'm supposed to be this strong, capable woman, and I can't even tell if my relationship is healthy. Right now, I'm planning on dumping Peter the second this final is over and blocking him on everything. I feel relief when I think about that, but I also feel scared that I'll miss him and that I'm being crazy and unwilling to compromise, that I'm throwing away something good by being dramatic. I keep trying to convince myself, apart from the question of whether he's controlling, that if I'm not happy, I can't stay with Peter, that long distance is too hard. He wants to interview at law firms in my city and plan on how to get back together in a year. I can't do that if I have any doubts and I don't want to spend another day miserable. I have to dump him. Dump him. I just need to make sure I do. I've already tried multiple times. I can't get talked back into this. This isn't healthy. Side note, he knows that I've posted here, but not what my username is, and he hasn't seen the original post. It's a possibility that he could stumble upon this, and he would obviously recognize it because of the level of detail. Oh my god.

[00:20:14]Oh my god. First of all, you're not stupid cuz obviously like he's gaslighting you. He's isolating you so much to the point where it's like that's when you start to question your own reality. Obviously, when he's like the only person that you're interacting with and you feel like, oh, maybe, you know, I am doing the wrong thing in relationship. Maybe this and that. And like you want to just like keep your relationship happy. Like it's it's not you being dumb at all. It's just like he's being manipulative obviously. And I do have to say that like he's not just meandering into this type of behavior. Like he's not just on the verge of being abusive. He is 1,000% abusive.

[00:20:56]Abuse is not like so cut and dry. Like it's not so like, oh, if you hit me or if you call me a fat loser, like that means that you're abusing me. No, there are so many forms of abuse and this is absolutely one of them. And this is like ter like you are being terribly mentally and emotionally abused so terribly. And that's why you're questioning your reality as well because that's just what happens. Like I I understand why it's so hard. But the only thing I wish is that like you would just I don't know if she does or if she just gives her friends like little breadcrumbs of what's going on and just like little tidbits of information because I feel like you kind of sometimes you want to protect your partner. So you don't tell your friends or you don't tell people close to you what's like really happening in your relationship. But I genuinely think if she just pulled one of her close friends aside, like the the friend that came to visit her that drove 18-hour round trip to come visit her, I think if she genuinely laid this all out or like just sent her this post and was like, "I'm going to send you this post." And then like, "Can you please tell me your honest reaction and your honest thoughts about it?" I think her friend would be severely scared. like she would be like, "Oh my god, girl, I'm literally going to drive to you right now and help you get out of this situation." Because I know if that were my friend, I would be like, "Please listen to me when I say that you are being abused and like this is not a good situation." And in no way, shape or form is there even a singular excuse or a singular compromise or situation in which there could be like a resolution to this type of relationship. Like, no, do not go to couples counseling with someone like this. Do not interact with someone like this just any longer. Like, just cut it off. I know that it's hard and I know that you like him and you love him and like you feel like it's not malicious, but I think once you get farther away from the situation and more time has passed, I think you will start to realize like, wo, that was not good at all. because you're just so in it right now and like so isolated that it just makes you feel like you're doing something wrong cuz he's making you feel like you're doing something wrong. Everything's on you.

[00:23:17]You're the one he's nitpicking everything that you're doing. You're the one that's doing everything wrong.

[00:23:21]You're the one causing problems in their relationship when in reality it's him every single time. You guys could have an amazing relationship because you seem like a very reasonable person. You seem like you would be really healthy in a relationship if the other person was also a healthy person. So that is this is hard read. Like it's giving me bad flashbacks of situations that like not I've been in specifically, but like my best friend in high school with her ex like was in so many situations like this where it was just so controlling and they were constantly fighting and Okay, this is final update and this is 24 days after the last update. I finally did it. I took the last step and blocked him on all of my accounts 10 minutes ago. We're going no contact. You all were right that he used the time before and immediately after finals to draw me back in. I don't really regret waiting, though. I didn't want to be the reason that he ended up messing up all his finals and potentially not getting a job he wanted because of grades. That's not your fault if that were to happen.

[00:24:39]that isn't the person that I want to be and I'm okay with sacrificing a few weeks of my happiness for retaining that part of myself. The following weeks were full of his apologies, assurances that he's changing, etc. But nothing changed.

[00:24:51]I realized that I didn't even want it to wait around and see if he could get better because I don't want to be with him. He's not respectful of me and you can't teach respect. He seems completely incapable of empathizing with me and taking me into consideration when making plans. He wouldn't listen to me. He was dismissive of my concerns and I just didn't feel valued, supported, or happy when we spoke. When I broke up with him, he said that's what he wanted too because my interactions with men, including James, are inappropriate and not in line with his beliefs. 2 months ago, that would have really bothered me and I would have gotten reeled back in defending myself. And I just said, you know, that's not true, but I'm not going to fight with you about it. I wish you the best. Goodbye. And then I blocked him. I feel a little sad and lonely.

[00:25:35]It'll be a weird to go from nearly constant contact and cutesy text messages to complete and utter silence, but I'm hoping the payoff of not having horrible fights multiple times a week will balance that out. The good news, I graduated last week, made honor roll, got the highest award in a competitive class. I'm back in my home state living with my parents. I adore them and get along with them well. And my bar review class starts tomorrow morning. I'm back to running and lifting multiple times a week. And I'm in the process of booking up my social calendar. It'll be hard to stop checking my phone compulsively and sad going to sleep without saying good night to him. But I think that I'm in the best circumstances, aka not living one building away to make this fade as gently as possible. I've reached out to a friend already and she supports my decision. I'll reach out to a few others this afternoon. The hardest part of this letting go of the fantasy that he would get better and I could have this intense, passionate, beautiful relationship with him that was also healthy. I let his possessiveness slide because I felt so intensely cared about.

[00:26:34]But now I know what to watch out for in the future. I'm going to remain single for the rest of 2015 in an effort to build myself back up and prevent another toxic relationship. I will protect myself in the future the way that I would protect a friend. I'm 25 now and I need to start taking who I date more seriously because I don't want to end up married to someone like Peter. I'm scared of the future of being with someone like him and of never feeling this level of passion again. I'm especially afraid that I really am all the things that he accused me of being, but I know I'm doing the right thing.

[00:27:05]This is usually when he would come running to my door, knocking, waiting, and begging me to unblock him. This is the first time I won't. Thank you so much for the support and patience. The sub gets a lot of grief for a myriad of reasons, but you all do so much good, so much more than you know. I'm eternally grateful to each and every one of you that commented, and especially those that direct messaged me. You were all a lifeline to me when I wasn't ready to turn to my friends. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Okay, literally the fact that this was 11 years ago is crazy. And I hope that now what she's probably 36 now. Um I hope that she's married to someone that's like amazing and doing whatever. Like I hope she has the most healthy relationship ever in the world. Ever in the world.

[00:27:51]Cuz 7 months of that like yeah that's not a long time to be in a relationship.

[00:27:56]Well, I think they probably ended up being in a relationship for 8 or 9 months. I don't know. But that's like an eternity of dealing with that type of behavior. I can only imagine how long it felt like she was in that relationship for. Okay, so there's 2year update, which is really nice and I really hope that it's a good update.

[00:28:16]Okay, 2 years out of an abusive relationship, and I'm so happy I could burst. Two years ago, I posted some rather desperate relationship questions asking for help. I knew deep down that something was desperately wrong with my relationship, but I was hellbent on fixing it. The posts were the beginning of finding my way out of what felt like a mind fog. I tried to post on relationships to let people know how it was going in the hopes that if there were people considering leaving similar situations, they know that something better is out there. Unfortunately, relationships doesn't allow multiple posts. However, I felt an intense desire to share this after a part of leaving an abusive relationship to let women know that there is life after an abuser, even if they feel like their world will cease without the relationship. I hope the sub is an okay place for this. It only took about 2 months after my breakup to know that I would 100% be okay. That moment came while I was on a family vacation and was curling my hair in the mirror. I made eye contact with my reflection. I remember being startled because I saw someone looking back and look and looked so calm. She wasn't worried about whether she'd get called [ __ ] whether smiling too much at dinner would get her accused of cheating, or whether the swimsuit she chose for the pool would get her accused of showing off and yelled at. For the first time in a year, I felt happy, safe, and confident. I became nearly giddy, realizing I hadn't been criticized in months, and I felt free. It took so much for me to get out of the relationship. I think I was borderline addicted to the highs and lows. Every time I started to escape, I got lovebombed, learned this term in my research post breakup, and pulled back in. I was worried nothing would ever feel as good as that relationship.

[00:29:49]However, I followed all the standard breakup advice and worked out, reconnected with friends, started up new hobbies, very importantly, went to counseling. It was a long road, but a much easier one than I originally expected, and at the end of it, I was happy. Here's a list of things that have happened to me in the last 2 years that have been better than that relationship.

[00:30:08]Passing my new passing my state's bar to become a lawyer. Starting a new job where I feel challenged and respected.

[00:30:15]Getting a gorgeous new apartment downtown. Getting into the best shape of my life. Making friends with a strong group of intelligent, kick-ass women that my ex would have never let me befriend. Drinking, smoking, sleeping without being guilted for not following my ex's expectations for what I should be doing with my time. Getting a cat and not needing to worry about her safety around my ex or him getting jealous.

[00:30:37]Leaving my house without having to give text updates about where I am. Smiling at strangers without being questioned over it. Being approached to run for office in 2018 and saying yes because I want to do it and literally everything else. Here's what I want to say to anyone who's interested. Anyone can get sucked into an abusive relationship. It doesn't matter how smart you are, how confident you are, or how independent you want to be. Just because you're in one doesn't make you dumb or worthless.

[00:31:05]Period. It doesn't make you easy prey or unable to be in a relationship next time that's healthy. The only antidote is listening to your gut and respecting boundaries that you put into place for your own life. There were so many times that I felt a pit in my stomach and knew something was wrong but ignored it because I felt like a compromise could be found. Some people out there are scary. They are manipulative and they do not want the best for you. They only care about themselves and you cannot make them respect you, value you or treat you well. When you meet that person, don't try to change them. Cut your losses and leave. Don't let their voice get in your head and to start believing their narrative of who you are. It took me nearly a year to undo the damage that an 8-month relationship did to me. Can you believe things got this bad in 8 months? I would internally feel myself panic for months after the breakup when I laughed too much with my friends, thinking that I would be getting lectured about being fake, flirty, or inappropriate. It took me so long to start making sarcastic jokes again. My ex didn't get them or think that they were funny. I basically had to regrow all my self-confidence and redefine my self-worth. I could barely even express an opinion on where I wanted to eat since it hadn't mattered in so long. Once I got past that, I remembered marveling at the tranquility of my life being mine, my self-esteem returning to normal and people treating me gently and kindly. My parents told me I was happier than they'd seen me in a year. And my best friend told me that she was so glad to have me back. Side note, counseling is important. People that are in an abusive relationship are most likely get to get into another one than someone who has never been abused.

[00:32:39]When you're being abused, ups look like downs and down looks like up. Going to counseling helped me reorient, figure out what I was normal and taught me to listen to my gut. It helped me rebuild and make sure this wouldn't happen again. I didn't even need many sessions, but I actually liked it by the end. I'm forever a gigantic advocate of finding a counselor that fits your needs as well.

[00:33:04]I don't want this to be the point of my post, so I'm putting it last. It took a dating hiatus for 6 months after the breakup and tried to rebuild on my own.

[00:33:13]I think this was extremely important to help me reenter. After the 6-month hiatus, I wrote out parameters for dating and a list of things that I needed in a partner. Kindness, gentleness, warmth, and an even temper.

[00:33:25]I was picky. I stopped seeing people that I felt weren't listening to me or weren't treating me well. After 6 months of dating, I found someone that fit the list. I've been dating him for a bit, over a year, and I can't stress how different this relationship is. It's night and day. I'm listened to, respected, treated like a real partner, and my boundaries matter. I can be friends with whoever I want, and I'm still good friends with James, and my alone time is given with no questions asked.

[00:33:54]Oh my lord.

[00:33:56]Thank god she left that because I was like really hoping that she was going to leave another update cuz I feel like after a lot of times after someone like ends up getting out of a situation like that that they post on Reddit, they end up just like never saying anything again because like hopefully they're in a good place and you kind of don't really need to like vent when you're in a good place. So you don't you just forget about stuff like this. Like that's always what happens when I'm journaling.

[00:34:22]It's like I'm always journaling at like the worst parts of my life instead of journaling like the worst parts and the good parts of my life so that I can see each time like, oh, it was bad then it got good. So, I love that. I feel like that's going to help a lot of people feeling like hope if they're in a situation like this. But the top comment says, "Weird how their rules are always super effing important to their entire moral framework, but they never have to follow their own rules. Not enough money on this earth would be enough to relive my 20s. No, honestly, in your 20s, it really is.

[00:35:00]So, relationships in your 20s, like obviously I'm still in my 20s, but like in the beginning of my 20s, I can't even love her so much. So happy for her. And I hope that she's like still with that guy that she loved and was super nice and treated her really well and respected her. And I hope that they are the happiest ever in the world because she really deserves that. I can't even imagine how hard that was to work out of like work yourself out of that hole of just thinking like, "Oh my god, was I in the wrong?" And just like constantly thinking everything you're doing is wrong. That's just terrible.

[00:35:40]Okay, the next story we're going to get into because that story really took up a lot of time, but I think that was a good story to take a lot of time on because there was just a lot of closure and I love this the feeling of getting closure. Like, thank God this girl is not with this shitty guy. And I hope that this like I wish that I could know what ended up happening with Peter. Like I want to know where he's at now or where he was at like even a couple years from then cuz I hope that he's like doing the worst. Sorry. Sorry. Not to send out bad vibes, but people like that literally deserve the worst. Okay. The title of the next story is boyfriend 25 male told me he used to ask out fat girls for fun. Am I 22 female right to be disgusted by him? My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. He's a very tall, attractive guy. He was on the hockey team in university, and his team was kind of like a bunch of frat dudes, but he never seemed like that kind of guy. He was always very kind and sensitive with me. He also seems to be a very respectful and caring person. He's in medical school right now. Some of his buddies from his former team came over yesterday and were just talking and hanging out. They start talking about their old shenanigans in uni. My boyfriend said, quote, "Remember that time I broke the record for our chunky chick challenge?"

[00:37:08]I asked what the chunky chick challenge was, and he said the goal was to ask out as many fat girls in a week. Everyone would put money in the prize pool, and the winner would get the entire prize at the end of the week. Basically, he asked out 50 fat girls over text/inerson, secretly recording their combo, and ghosted them on the date. I was shocked and said that was so mean and gross. My boyfriend said the challenge was just a joke for fun, etc. He accused me of overreacting. Am I though? No. Hello.

[00:37:40]So, your boyfriend is the devil in disguise.

[00:37:43]Hello. Actually, I'm scared. Like, no.

[00:37:48]That's literally not okay at all. The chunky chick challenge. The chunky chick. First of all, he's in medical school. I fear I do not want a doctor that did a chunky chick challenge. I mean I if your joke has to come at the expense of 50 women getting ghosted on a date, that's just not a joke.

[00:38:12]That's just not funny at all. And this is what makes me lose all hope for the male species. He's like, "What else?"

[00:38:24]I'm sorry, but how did this come?

[00:38:27]Like, how did this come about? He couldn't have been a good person. Is he really that sweet of a person? Like, if you really take a look at his at how he treats you or how he treats other people around you or when you're out in public, like how does he act? Especially because it's not like he's saying that as like a remember that like that was so mean of us. I can't believe we did that. Cuz like, okay, not to say that there was any excuse for that, but like if he had at least learned from it and felt terribly for it now, then I could think about, you know, being like, I can't like I really hate that I learned that about you and that's terrible and that's going to take a little bit of time to get over, but like at least you realize and recognize that was like not a good thing to do. But the fact that he's just like bragging about it and he's like, "Remember when I won?

[00:39:19]Please, please.

[00:39:22]This person said, "Gross. If your boyfriend still says it's a joke after maturing a bit and doesn't understand the deplorable nature of his actions and is telling you that you're overreacting and not fessing up to being a waste of space in college, yeah, that's a no.

[00:39:33]Character counts." Exactly. Because how are you like how is he treating other people? Okay. Maybe if he treats you well. Oh, okay. Well, he sees you as worthy enough to be treated and respected well, clearly. So that's that's how he bases his how he gives respect. It's like if you fit his standards of what beauty is or what like attractiveness is then he will respect you. But is he just disrespectful to every other person that he doesn't deem attractive and that he deems as like fat? That's crazy to me because that shows that shows a lot. I could never be with someone that like straight up disrespected other people because of the way that they looked because they like literally saw they saw a person and they think that they were worth less because of the way that they looked is crazy.

[00:40:31]Like you don't you deserve for me to be laughing at you in the locker room with my hockey teammates and listening to a recorded voice memo of me asking you on a date and you being like yeah and then ghosting you. That's what's funny to you.

[00:40:50]Okay. Sorry. There's an update 4 days later. Quick update. I confronted my boyfriend after his friends left and told him that I was genuinely concerned about this treatment of those girls. I said he lacked empathy and I can't believe he doesn't see what was wrong with his actions. He finally acknowledged that yes, what he did was mean. He says he didn't want to seem boring to his friends. I said I thought that he was better than that. I told him I was worried about how he would treat me if I gained weight in the future. He said that I was the type of the person of person to always stay skinny. I said he can't be so sure of that, especially if I get pregnant. I said I was scared by his shallowess. Long story short, I broke up with him. He's super sad and has been apologizing non-stop via text.

[00:41:34]No matter what he says, I just can't get his cruelty out of my head. It's made me much less attracted to him, and I don't want to be associated with that kind of person, as I'm a new grad nurse in an eating disorder clinic, and I see that kind of effect that rude comments and actions have on young women. One of the teenage girls is anorexic because she used to be fat and bullied in high school. I'm disgusted to think that my boyfriend embodies the cruelty of her bullies.

[00:42:01]Dude, dude, the fact that his response to her saying, "I'm scared that if I gained weight, I don't know how you would treat me." And he says, "Well, you're just the type of person to always stay skinny."

[00:42:12]And not, "No, of course not. Like, I would never treat you like that and I should have never treated those people like that." the fact that that was his response. He has a lot of growing up to do a lot. It's like shallow how literally like I wish that could happen to someone in real life. If you guys have ever seen that movie with Jack Black where he sees everyone as like a supermodel and him and his friend like his bald friend too.

[00:42:40]It was crazy. I was like, "Have you guys looked in the mirror? Why would a supermodel date you? You literally look like a toe.

[00:42:48]Not me being mean like as if that's real life, but I loved that movie because I was like genuinely if you or that it's fine if you don't want to date if you don't want to date someone, but it's like to be treating them so cruy and going out of your way to treat them like that. It's just that's sick. That's sick. The top comment said, "He said I was the type of person to always stay skinny. Unsurprised that someone that mean is also stupid as fuck." Yeah, because No, that's actually And that's like he probably was thinking that in the back of his head when he was like getting to know you because you're skinny. Like he's like, "Oh, she seems like the type of person to like never get fat because like I could never be with a fat girl." Like he probably thinks that. And what about if he gets fat? Would then what would he be like? I get it. you like I I'll break up with you because I'm fat. So like you probably shouldn't be with me because I don't deserve you cuz I'm fat. Like what is wrong with people? You could get fat tomorrow. You could literally gain a bunch of weight in the next year and then what? You think that you deserve to be treated like terribly and be have someone ask you out as a joke? As a joke for a chubby chick challenge. That's [ __ ] insane. It's genuinely like it's like a fake. It's like Mean Girls. It seems like it would be in that movie in like the Mean Girls [ __ ] movie. It's just so deplorable. This whole episode was emotionally draining. And I'm I'm having a feeling the Patreon episode I'm about to film is also going to be emotionally draining.

[00:44:26]Um, which I'm scared about. I'm Hello. I'm literally I keep wanting to say multiple things at once, but I need to say one thing at a time because I don't have multiple mouths to talk out of, but um I'm reading new boyfriend Googled things about disliking my appearance and genitals and I believe my sister killed my niece in the Patreon episode that I'm about to film. So, that's not going to be very uplifting. But anyways, that's the end of that episode. If you guys ever want to become a member of the Patreon, it's patreon.com/stoytimesocciety.

[00:45:03]And there's multiple different tiers for affordability purposes. And I release an episode every Saturday on there at 8:00 a.m. So, I love you guys so much and I'll talk to you in the next episode.

[00:45:14]Bye. Love you guys so much. Thanks for watching. Please like, comment, and subscribe.