I FINALLY GOT GOOD NEWS - SPEND THE DAY WITH ME

追加: 2026-06-05

[00:00:00]Hi guys, Ann here and today we have a car vlog. It Oh, she aira was just looking out the window. Where'd she go?

[00:00:10]I don't know.

[00:00:12]Oh, there. Can you No, you can't see her yet. I'll wait when I start driving. I'm at a Well, it's green now. She's on the way to go to the vet. It is extremely early and I can't be bothered. I am very tired. It is 800 a.m.

[00:00:26]Oh, goodness.

[00:00:27]Um, but can let me see her now a little bit. Um, I'm not going to stay vlogging long while I have her with me. So, but I just wanted to, you know, come on and say hello because we're kind of like I won't really have to usually when I go to any type of appointment, I'm a little early so I have time to talk. I we're we'll just be cutting it close. You know what I mean? Her appointment was at 8:15 and it takes about 15 minutes to get there. So, um, and it's just for a preop. Do you remember a couple months ago, I was supposed to take her to get her fixed, I think in April, but then I, you know, my health and everything and what I was going through, I just couldn't. And so, now we are, she's got to do a preop and then we'll schedule her um, you know, to get spayed because she's three already. And you know what happened to Akira? Akira almost died. She had that bad uterus infection and if it ruptured she would have died. Um, so yeah, I ain't playing around. Anyway, I will probably I don't know when I'll come back, but I will see you in a second. Bye.

[00:01:35]Okay, we are literally just getting out of there. I always forget that when I vlog in the car, I put the uh blur a little bit in the background that way, you know, cuz I used to I didn't even think cuz I don't look at that stuff.

[00:01:51]Oh, that's such a pretty dog. Um I don't look at that stuff, but people look at like the road uh the names of the roads and they try to pinpoint where you're at and all of that stuff. So anyway, so when I was trying to show you a camera, I was like, "Oh, wait a minute. She's probably blurry." So we just got out of there. She I'm like, is she behind on any of her shots? And she wasn't. She wasn't due till next next month um in July, but she is up on her her rabies isn't due till next year cuz you know it's 3 years. So they did me a package deal and it came so the bill was $199.

[00:02:27]But they also did a heartworm test, you know, all of that. I just get it done.

[00:02:30]Um and that came back negative, so that's good. So, she gets her operation um on the 12th, June 12th, because they wanted to do it this Friday, but I have a cat scan, which we'll explain about that in a minute. So, I got the price because she's only 70 lb. So, I got lucky. I got the package that's 75 50 to 75 lb.

[00:02:56]So, it will be 800 Well, anywhere from 565 to 877. But of course I want and that's like so you get to choose do you want to bring you want to have her on payments meds this and of course I will she is 2 years and 9 months so she'll be three in August.

[00:03:15]Anyhoo that is that.

[00:03:21]So we are on our way home. Let me see if I can get you a picture cuz then I'm going to drop her off home and then we'll do some more. I have to there's a few things places I have to go so then we'll vlog but I want to take her home.

[00:03:32]Um, come here. Come here, Carrie. Come here. Hey, Kira. I don't know. You guys seen her before, right? I know I've seen pictures, but you guys, my Kira, you know, when they have the white here, I I notice a lot of them like or here when they stress or what have you, it turns pink. Anyway, so I will catch you after I drop her home and stuff. And um I'll be back. Okay, I'm back. I'm at the place where I have to get my CAT scan.

[00:04:01]But I got some really good news. Thank you, Jesus. Let me tell you what happened. So, let me go back to Do you remember when I had to get that um vascular ultrasound of the kidneys and stuff because my cardiologist wanted to make sure that I didn't have any stenosis like blockages or anything in my kidneys that was causing my blood pressure to be so high because I'm on four. No, now I'm on three. three different blood pressure medicines and a water pill that I the water pill I take every other day and my blood pressure is still high and so you know I'm thinking well I'm not gonna I mean I have kidney disease I'm not in kidney failure yet with kidney disease there's five stages I'm at 3B once you get to a four that's when you start talking about either dialysis or transplant or whatever but you're not technically in kidney failure to stage five so I'm still like you know I mean they're Um, and what that is is my kidneys aren't filtering correct. You know, whatever. You know, I'm I'm not critical, but you know, I have to keep an eye on it cuz I'm still at a 3B.

[00:05:07]Okay. So, I do have that issue, but I'm like there's no, you know, I'm not thinking anything. So, anyway, I go for my the vascular ultrasound and I think it was May 26th or something like that.

[00:05:19]I don't know. And after I was done, um, she was like, "Okay, well the, um, they'll have the results by tomorrow."

[00:05:27]And I was like, "Oh, that's pretty fast." Okay.

[00:05:31]Well, remember I vlogged that day and I think it was my last vlog, I I believe.

[00:05:37]And I come home and they're already calling me. So, within an hour they're calling me and I already knew, okay, something ain't right. So, anyway, uh, my right kidney is fine. It's perfect.

[00:05:48]There's no stenosis, anything like that, but my left kidney shows 50% or greater.

[00:05:55]And then it shows like the velocity or something like that. It's at a 237.

[00:06:00]And um so that is a grade two. I guess there's three grades. I'm in a grade two. So I'm not critical, but cuz critical is uh 70 to 100 80 to 100% or something like that blocked, right? I'm at between 50 and 70. Okay. So, um I'm like, well, that's good because now I know why my blood pressure is out of control still because every time I go, they're like, are you taking your blood pressure medicine? Are you are you eating a lot of salt? I'm like, no, I really have, you know, and it's like, okay, so now we know why. What do we do?

[00:06:38]And anyh who um so now I have to get a it's called a CTA abd abdomen um cat scan um because they want to check it's it's you know ultrasound you know maybe it's wrong but a cat scan will tell you exactly the measurements and everything else and to make sure and so that's all it is and also to make sure the surrounding organs there's nothing blocked or showing you know that the reason why the kidneys are getting blocked, you know, stenosis, um, you know, and all of that. So, let me get to the point now. So, when I make my appointment, they're like, "Okay, well, you have to come in and get the stuff you have to drink, like the barerium plus contrast." And I'm like, "Why? I don't understand. I've never had you guys know I can I I you know me and I can't drink that stuff." And um, so this is so funny. I was so upset about it. I waited 10 minutes and called to talk to somebody else and they're like, "Yes." I'm like, "Are you sure my script says that?"

[00:07:46]So then I called my cardiologist and I had to talk to the, you know, the nurse, the lady there. And I'm like, "Why? Why do I Why am I take Why do I have to do this? Cuz I won't do it if I have to because I will throw up. I can't drink that stuff." And then they're saying two bottles. One I have to take cuz my my appointment's at 10:00 a.m. So I have to take one bottle at 7:00 a.m. 3 hours prior and the other one an hour prior.

[00:08:08]I'm like I have to get up at 5:00 a.m.

[00:08:10]and start drinking it. You know, I can't. Anyway, and she's like, "Well, let me see what I can do." I'm like, you know, because she said, "Well, there's two different reasons why when you drink the stuff is to check your abdomen to make sure there's no tumors, this, that, you know, all this other type of stuff."

[00:08:25]And then the contrast is to light everything up, your blood, your vessels, all of that stuff. But I'm like, I I don't understand. And they know how I am. So anyway, I just come here to pick it up, right? Today's Wednesday. My my cat skin is on Friday.

[00:08:42]And then so she's like, "Okay, we have to get the tech to sign off." And then she's like, "Well, do you want berry or vanilla?" And I'm like, "I I don't want any of it." And I'm like, "I guess vanilla." Cuz Lexi told me, she was like, "Mommy, put a pack of Crystal Light in there and try to drink it." You know, whatever. Anyway, she comes back and she goes, "Well, I talked to the tech and the type what they're looking for. You don't have to drink the barium." And I'm like, "Thank you, Jesus." So, what happened was my cardiology I don't know what they did, but they probably changed it cuz it's a different thing. Oh, I was like, "Oh, thank you, Jesus." Because let me let me tell you one what happened to me one time. I was at the hospital many years ago before I did YouTube, okay? And the nurse there was like an elderly like Asian lady, but she was very, first of all, very put together. So pretty, put together, so nice, so caring and understanding, but she didn't play no games, okay? She was very old school, okay? And so anyway, I had to drink the stuff cuz I had to get a cat skin or what have you. And I'm like gagging. And so like she's just looking at me, right?

[00:09:49]And she says, "Well," and she put ice in it, made it cold, and she was like, "You know, put the straw behind you like all the way in the back of your neck, you know, as far as you can, not your neck, your throat, so that way it's not on your tongue. You don't taste it." And I'm like, "I can't, you know." And she was like, "Oh my goodness." She goes, "You had three kids." In other words, she's like, "Put your big panties on."

[00:10:07]And I was like, "I just can't drink it."

[00:10:10]I was like, "I'm trying." She's like, "Well, hurry up." And she goes, "And I'll be back in 10 minutes." I'm like, "10 minutes?" So when she left, I went to the um the sink and I poured I don't know, probably close to half of it out.

[00:10:24]You know what I mean? And I start and I know you ain't supposed to do. We're talking about many years ago. And I got it down and she comes back and she's like, "Good. Now that wasn't so hard."

[00:10:32]And I'm like, but they were able to see everything.

[00:10:36]Everything was good. You know, cuz I'm like, if I keep doing it and forcing myself, I'm just going to throw it up.

[00:10:40]It's not going to work. So anyway, that's how I am. Okay. So I it brought back that PTSD how it was. I'm like, "Oh my god." Anyh who, so yeah, I'm excited.

[00:10:52]So it's called a CTA, a catkin abdomen angio with and without IV contrast. So that is that. So that turned out pretty dag on good. I got a hold of my friends and first thing I said, I was like, "I got problems." And they're like, "Are you okay?" And I'm like, "I got to drink that." So they're like, "Oh my god, I am."

[00:11:13]There's a few things about me. Like, it's so funny. I don't like pain. Like, remember when I broke my ankle for two years and I never went and got it fixed or anything like that. I just let it heal by itself. I don't know it was broke, but it was definitely a fracture.

[00:11:26]And you know, I'm fine, but I don't like the pain that like when I got one tattoo, never again got another one. I like if I'm sick, I I I will complain all day long, you know.

[00:11:42]uh when you know like if that time of the month like the cramping. Oh my god, I'm gonna that type of stuff. I just can't do I don't know what it is. I can admit I'm a punk. I am a punk when it comes to that type of stuff. I can admit that. Okay, so let me tell you what. Do I look blurry? I can't tell. Anyway, let me tell you what happened last Saturday.

[00:12:03]Remember I told you about my friend Val who passed away that I've known when I was young. I was pregnant with Tyler.

[00:12:08]Actually, when she started working, I was pregnant. I just found out I was pregnant and um I you know was looking uh for paperwork for Isaiah for uh every 3 years my kids do this def defensive driving class and you have to do six hours and when you do I mean you have to pay for it and but what it does is it take you get money off your insurance every month you know however they do it a percentage so if you do that so anyway Isaiah needed it for his job and I'm like I don't know if it's been past 3 years. It's only good for 3 years but I found it and it ends in a August. So he just got lucky. I'm like you got lucky cuz you you know otherwise it wouldn't be valid. Anyway, so I'm looking through for that and I see the pictures cuz I have like a little memory box, you know, and different things and that's where I keep all my important papers and different things and I seen Val and me and I, you know, that cuz I used to have the you didn't have cell phones back then. Well, they wasn't smartphones where you could take pictures and stuff. So you still had your like disposable cameras and then you would drop it off and remember into the drugstore and get them um filmed and stuff and I seen it and then it just you know brought back a lot of memories and so I I shared this you know that I tried to find her daughter.

[00:13:33]actually Lexi helped me find her and I I was able to find her and I reached out to her and she reached back out to me and you know we started talking and then we um we were going to meet up over the weekend so this past Saturday and I brought pictures to give her I kept a couple for myself but you know because Val was in a car accident and different things I wanted you know her to see like back in the day how you know her mom was and happy and just you know have pictures of her, you know. So, we met and uh she's married.

[00:14:06]She has some kids, so they're adults cuz Lindsay is my age. You know, she's a little bit younger, a couple years younger than me, but anyway, um or no, maybe a couple years older. I I don't know. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I didn't ask her her age. Well, she's around my age, you know. And it was just so nice. Her husband was nice. She was And it was just I just had a really, really good time. I didn't get home till like 11:00 at night. I mean, I didn't leave till like 4:00, you know, but in the afternoon, but it was just really, really nice. And she still looks the same from when she was in her 20s, you know, her daughter. I'm like, "Wow, it's crazy." But now she looks more like Val. And I kept staring at her because remember Val was in her early 50s when I met Val. And so now I'm looking at her, right? And I'm like, and I said, "I'm so sorry." I was like, "But it's like I'm seeing a ghost. You look so much like your mother."

[00:15:06]I It It was just like scary, you know what I mean? She told me, she goes, "You know, my mom never stopped talking about you." She was like, "You know, not every day, you know, but we we would talk about you." She said, "Until the day that she passed." And that brought me to tears because I always think about her.

[00:15:23]And it just shows how even when people aren't in your life for just a little bit, the impact they can have on your life, you know. Can you give me a 20? A regular >> 20.

[00:15:34]>> Have a good day.

[00:15:35]>> Thank you. You too.

[00:15:39]That is crazy. Four gallons for $29.

[00:15:43]Almost four gallons.

[00:15:45]That is could be I keep saying California got a bad California. I am so glad I'm not in California.

[00:15:53]My friend Jodie was like it was up to like $7.

[00:15:58]Oh, remind me to give you the update on Nala. I did post it on my community post, but I'll tell you more about that.

[00:16:03]All right, I'll be back. All right, I just got out of Aala.

[00:16:12]I am I'm like, why every a lot of people's going to the beach? I heard I'm like, oh, I'm so jealous. I used to always go like when I go to the beach, there's two of them that you can go to that's close here, you know, Ocean City, New Jersey or um Atlantic City. And I always go to Atlantic City because one, I know Ocean City, I know where to go where you don't have to use meters or pay for parking or anything like that.

[00:16:37]And I know where to go where you don't have to get a beach bag, beach bag badge. In New Jersey, you have to pay to go to the beach, you know, like to get on there. you have to get the thing anyway. Um, you could pay like per day or season or what have you, but I know where to go where you can park. There's no meters, like a side street and then the beach is free, but there's no lifeguards or nothing, which is fine, you know, but um and the same thing with uh because I lived in Ocean City and I lived on Asbury Avenue, 9th in Asbury.

[00:17:09]And if you if you look up Asbury Avenue, there's like three streets to get to the boardwalk. I was right there. There's like Ocean Avenue, West Avenue, like it's right there. And so anyway, the school I was in fifth grade, the school was called Intermediate School and it's on 34th Street. And so I would ride my bike up to the board by myself. A lot of times I had my friend Leslie. My brother was in a different school because it only went up to to fifth grade. And I would ride my bike to go up the boardwalk, get off 3 like it it was cra, you know, you think of it like at that age.

[00:17:48]I mean, nobody was there because like tours only come in the summertime, right? So there's nobody there. But like you just think like, my god, anybody could have, you know, but you didn't think like that. A lot of things that we did because you had to live at least a mile away. You know what I mean? I wasn't quite a mile away to catch the bus. But anyway, so I know I know Ocean City, right? But also my mom was my mom and dad were both born and raised in Atlantic City. And so I know West I know Atlantic City. So again, I know where to go um to go on a side street. You go all the way down and also the beach there is free because it's more like where the really big big nice houses are and they have their own beach right there. It's not private, you know, you can go and so, but you have to get there early because a lot of people that know are from the area know and they'll park there, right? Cuz most of them have driveways. So when they're they live there, so you know, but I like to go to Atlantic City. I've always did more than Ocean City because it's like less crowded and I don't know, it's it's very peaceful, I think. So anyway, when I think of that, and it's funny because I don't know if they're from the area or what, but um they were talking about like um the beach badges and different things. And when I lived down there, when I lived in Ocean City, we used to call tourists, we would call them shoeies. I don't know if they still do. And that is anybody that's not from Ocean City, if you live in Ocean City, because you could tell, you know, and that's like I said, it's not a racial anything like that. It's just people that aren't from the area, you know what I mean? It's so funny, you know? Anyway, all right. I have a little bit of time. I think I'm going to go just to the park, just the walk. I think I'm going to do that and so I will meet you there.

[00:19:43]Okay, we are here. Holy crap, that's a big freaking dog. Let me check.

[00:19:54]>> Beautiful dog.

[00:19:55]>> Thank you.

[00:20:00]Oh, what a beauty.

[00:20:03]Anyho, oh my god, I got to show you the geese, the babies.

[00:20:09]Oh, why is it blurry?

[00:20:15]I don't know what you can see.

[00:20:18]Dang it.

[00:20:20]Anyho, I got an obsession with these birds. I can't help myself, especially when I see the little babies.

[00:20:28]I should take Nala here one day to get her walking a little bit because there's not a lot of people that come here. So, you know, I'm not too worried.

[00:20:37]But I definitely need to have Nala with me just to She loves being outside.

[00:20:42]There is literally a car that's driving here. Look.

[00:21:01]Now you know damn well you ain't allowed to drive your car through here. Where's she going to go? There ain't nowhere to go. She's going to turn back around.

[00:21:08]There's nowhere to go. You can't drive here. Feel like I'm out of breath already. So let me give you a quick update on Nala.

[00:21:16]So remember I took Nala to the vet. I took you guys with me because Nala has on her right side, she has a lump from like here, it's on the side of her neck to like past her collar bone to like here. So, it's pretty big and it's like this.

[00:21:33]And remember, I shared with you guys that, you know, I was scared it was going to hit, you know, it was hitting her lymph node or something like that. But at first I thought remember when she got loose when she was protecting me I thought maybe like but it was getting bigger and so they did the um I forget what it's the test that it's called that they go in with a syringe and they get like fluid out and try to test it but it came back inconclusive because it was uh greasy. But they did uh say they took notes that there were they seen some fatty cells.

[00:22:11]So the only way to test it is a biopsy where they cut her open, take it out, send it to the pathologist, and then wait. And I'm like, I'm not doing that.

[00:22:21]Nala will be 11 in September.

[00:22:25]She if I didn't feel that lump, I wouldn't even know it's there. Now, she does take medicine, you know, as needed, but like I noticed for like a year or two, you know, like she'll hesitate to go up the steps, but then once she gets going, she goes, you know, she limps a little bit, but I mean her age and she does have a little arthritis, but she always had issues with her shoulder. And um but other than that, she's still playing. She has more energy than the other two younger dogs, Ora and Akira.

[00:22:52]She's eating, she's drinking, she's like everything. So, I mean, she's wagging her tail. She's not acting like she's in pain, you know? I mean, once in a while she'll, but that's the arthrit like when it's cold or rainy or something like that. And I give her her medicine and she's fine. So, I'm not going to do that to her to test it. I mean, what if it's I if it's just a fatty tumor, like it's it's not even cancer or a cyst or even if it was cancer, there's nothing I'm going to do, but she's 11. I'm not putting her through all that. Well, she'll be 11 in a few months. And it's like, so I'm not doing that because you I don't want to cut her open and have her go through all that pain from surgery. I don't even know if she'll make it through anesthesia with her age, you know, and you know, and if it is something, it'll spread, you know. So I'm like, I'm just not doing it. Now, she was in a lot of pain. It bothered her. You couldn't put a collar on. I mean, you know, she still goes for her walks. Tyler takes all three dogs at the same time every night for a walk, you know, and that maybe I would think differently, but I just I'm not going to um that's why I did the one test because you know, just to to know what I'm working with because I always say it's quality over quantity.

[00:24:10]You know what I mean? So, that's the decision that I made. June 11th is coming up and that was my grandmother's birthday. If she was alive, she would have been 99 years old. 99 cuz she was born in 1927.

[00:24:27]How you doing? It's beautiful out, isn't it?

[00:24:30]>> Guess I'm in the shade.

[00:24:31]>> Yeah, I hear you. I'm a dumb one.

[00:24:35]>> No, swe ain't going to hurt.

[00:24:37]>> Oh, so my grandmother. So, I have her um ashes. How you doing?

[00:24:45]You >> actually have a notebook today. I'm going to be writing some stuff, but I have paper flowers. You like paper flowers?

[00:24:50]>> No, thank you.

[00:24:51]>> Maybe next time.

[00:24:52]>> Okay. Yeah. Are you here all the time?

[00:24:54]>> Are you here all the time?

[00:24:56]>> Oh, my grandmother. And so I have her ashes and well part, you know, some of them, you know. Anyway, it doesn't matter. And she always wanted to be throw like she loved the water. So, I want to this year I finally have like my mindset to do it is I want to go to the jetties. You know those big rock? You can look it up. Atlantic City jetties.

[00:25:20]Uh J E T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T T I E E S I think it's pronounced.

[00:25:24]And that's the big rocks that are across uh like the water the o the ocean. You see like starfish and different things.

[00:25:33]And I throw some ashes in there and and in the water. So, I'm going to do that.

[00:25:39]Okay. So, I've showed you this before, but I haven't showed you in a while.

[00:25:42]This is still part of the park, but it's like all the way down.

[00:25:46]And then all this is free. So, you can come here and sit. You see? So, they have the little picnic tables and the grass, you know, you just bring a blanket or something and with your kids. And I used to do this with my kids.

[00:26:03]Then there, you know, there's like that guy riding his skateboard, but it's so pretty. Then you could park like across the street. Let me show you. See?

[00:26:15]And so when my kids were younger, you know, I raised my kids on the projects.

[00:26:18]You guys know that. And so I didn't, you know, I wanted to get my kids out of the house, especially that damn Lexi cuz she was so hyper. And so I didn't have a lot of money raising my kids. So we did stuff like this. We had like picnics. I would take a blanket and, you know, have like a cooler and we would just have fun. Bring some coloring books, whatever. You know, bubbles.

[00:26:45]Um Tyler would have his basketball or soccer ball, you know, Isaiah or Tyler and Isaiah would throw the baseball, you know, they had their gloves and it was nice. Like sometimes I'll talk to people and they're like, "Yeah, but it's to the crime." And it's like you can't allow fear to stop you. Listen, don't be stupid, you know, like don't go somewhere like and you're like there's a bunch of, you know what I mean? Like don't be stupid. Have protection on you.

[00:27:17]But don't allow fear to not do anything cuz then you won't do anything because it was just as bad when we were growing up in the 70s, in the 80s, in the '9s. I think it was worse then because there wasn't social media and camera phones where you could record people. There wasn't all this DNA and all this other type of stuff. People got away with [ __ ] There wasn't lights like on the the traffic lights, the cameras and you know what I mean? And maybe people are more fearful now because you see things, you hear things. But it was like that when we were young. So I just I think sometimes people are so scared now they don't want to get out. But like don't do something stupid. Like I'll give you an example. Lexi was go I was sitting on the porch. This is the other day she was heading to work. She had a nice pretty like forefoot fitting dress on. She had like her little sandals on. And two houses down there was a bunch of like maybe five or six guys sitting on the porch all around Lexi's age. And they were like cat calling her. And Lexi just got in the car and I didn't say anything. And I looked and they looked at me. They stopped.

[00:28:24]I waited till she left. Now, this is what you don't do. I walked my happy fat ass down. And I said, "Is there a reason why you're cat calling my child? Is there a reason you're disrespecting my child?" Now, I know for a fact they all carry guns.

[00:28:39]And they were like, "Oh, I'm so sorry.

[00:28:41]I'm You know what I mean?" And I I wasn't cussing or getting loud. I'm like, "Don't disrespect a female like that, especially my child."

[00:28:48]And anyway, that was that. And I don't know, maybe they didn't say anything back cuz they know Tyler's my son or what have you. I don't know. Well, now you don't do stuff like that. But that's just my first reaction. My mama bear like, you know what I mean? I don't want my child to feel uncomfortable walking to her car. Don't do that. Oh, look at that. I would love to go. I've never been on a boat. That is on my bucket list. Let's see.

[00:29:13]I would love to do it. All right, let me walk. And I'm just going to walk to the car now. I think this vlog's been long enough. Oh my god. What is that? Bunch of fruit fly. I don't know the fruit.

[00:29:24]What are the gnats? I couldn't think.

[00:29:26]Fruit flies.

[00:29:28]Well, nats. Is that what fruit flies are? All right. It is hot in here.

[00:29:35]You know what I was debating whether or not I want to talk about this. So, I just want to say this really quickly.

[00:29:41]You know, I had unsubscribed from a lot of people. I said this before and I don't get notifications. I don't get anything. I don't see anything. I don't know anything. But I do sometimes people will send you like screenshots or tell you things and then my nosy ass is like what are you talking about? Let me look.

[00:29:57]And it's and I have to laugh because I haven't been in drama like my own drama where like I'm like mad at somebody or going at somebody in year and a half. I don't know how long it's been. People might be upset with me that I do whatever the case may be. But I'm talking about for me. I just don't care. For me, I'm talking about me. The more I read in my Bible, the more closer I get to God, the more closer that, you know, I know about Jesus, the more for me, I'm talking about me, it's easier to forgive and move on, right? So, I don't hold anger, you know what I mean? I don't care. But it it cracks me up like you know when I see a grown adult in her 40s I think early I'm not sure like talking smack talking about my hair loss saying like all this stuff and it's comical and it's like now I'd be wrong if I said well at least I have teeth or uh I don't use filters. I I look at me look you would see a filter. I do not use filters. Look I don't use filters. I'm 50 years young.

[00:31:02]You know what I mean? And I show it now, like my hair loss and all that. I talk about it. And when people have to put you down with your looks, but they use filters on every vid, every every video.

[00:31:15]They've never came on camera without a filter. They're missing. And And I'm not cuz listen, I don't have great teeth either. Let's keep that a buck. You guys know, right? And but like you know, when you bring up my children, who can't like what? It's like stuff like that. It's like what is wrong with people because you make yourself look bad when you have to go to somebody's looks when you don't show your own. You know what I never understood? You'll see different people that live stream in general and I see it all over and they're talking about people and some of them have a right or if they're upset or what have you or even if people's upset with me, they have a right, whatever. You know, I can't tell them when to get over something or what to get upset about.

[00:32:00]That's on them. That's something they have to deal with. That's an internal thing on them. Okay?

[00:32:06]But you don't show yourself on camera.

[00:32:08]Eye contact. If you're going to tell somebody off or speak your mind, show your eyes. Show your face. Don't be a coward. That is a [ __ ] move. That's a coward to me. It's like, how can I take you serious when you don't even show your face? I don't care. You know, and it's like that. And it's like, what is wrong with people nowadays? I mean, so many and I'm I've never been bullied.

[00:32:30]I'm not saying I've been bullied. I've been ganged up on, I think, in my opinion. But I've never been bullied.

[00:32:36]I've never um and a lot of things I've deserved. Let's keep it real. couple of years ago I wasn't all in a great headsp space when I was dealing with my divorce and after my divorce when my son was facing 10 years in prison or jail you know for my ex-husband and different things like I wasn't when my daughter's father passed away is what woke me up you know dealing with my daughter and how what she went through and and found him and the situation and like that was terrible that's what woke me up made me want to better myself made me want to do better with my health you know and all that type stuff. But it took that now that my mental health I mean listen privately like I used to be in group chats. I'm not in group chats no more. When I would talk to people it was more gossipy or yeah maybe I was kind of like you know I wasn't in the right headsp space. I have shared this many many times. I wasn't always a good person.

[00:33:29]I wasn't a bad person you know but it's like that was my that's my private my but you know I'm I'm talking to my friends. Are you whatever the case may be. But I've never intentionally, maliciously, even though that was still wrong, but I'm just saying. I'm not condoning that behavior.

[00:33:48]I've never maliciously went online to drag people. I've never sent people to their channels, like, you know what I mean, tag them so you guys can find them. I don't say their names so nobody goes over there or, you know, whatever.

[00:34:02]But, and I've I never been in live streams where it's a hate bond that you hear. I I'm neutral. Now, I'm not saying I don't listen sometimes, but like not anymore, but I used to. I don't have nothing to say. If I'm in a live stream and then drama's I leave. I'd be like, "Okay, guys, I got to go." I just never did that.

[00:34:22]And I would never publicly even when my my ex-friend, you know, we were friends with for a long time and stuff like that. And when I had my feelings hurt, right, and I would vent and all that, which it was still wrong.

[00:34:34]I should have kept that private. I I get that. I would always say, "Guys, don't unsubscribe from her. This is just between me and her. Keep supporting her." I never did that. I would always say that. Happy people, joyful people don't do that. So many people like, "Oh, I'm happy. I have a great life. If you did, you would not be online trashing people." Cuz there are stuff that I know that people said about me behind my back and I know I don't bring it here. I I just bye. And I let it go. I'm not mad about it anymore. I don't care, you know? So when people do that, either they're hurt or they're not joyful joyful people. Like I why why do I care about negativity now? Cuz I'm I'm in a better mind space. I'm worried more about my health and different things.

[00:35:18]Like I don't care about that. It it's just like and I pray for people. I pray for them because it's sad, you know. I remember and people are right. I see it now when there were things that I couldn't let go and I would talk about it for years, you know, because I was hurt. See, I could be mad and angry and be like, "Oh, that's fun. You did me dirty." And then I can move on. But when I'm hurt or embarrassed, but mainly hurt, it's like I can't let it go until you properly apologize or whatever the case may be at that time.

[00:35:50]That was wrong. But then I say the same people that would call me out for not letting [ __ ] go still bring [ __ ] up to this day. It's like, my god, how many years ago was that? Let it go. Let it go. Why are you watching me? Why are you watching me? Like, it's just crazy to me. It's so crazy to me. I don't get it.

[00:36:08]I don't get it. And I feel for people. I do because I know when I was in that mental space where I was always angry or hurt, that's not a great place. So, I'm bringing this up because just remember people, you don't know what people are going through. Like when I was in that bad head because I've only been divorced for two years. when I was in that bad headsp space and which is not an excuse.

[00:36:31]I was wrong.

[00:36:33]But you don't people don't know what mental what I was dealing with on a personal level. You guys do now because now I shared like the charges my ex-husband tried on my like but at that time you guys did not know. I waited till my son's charge got dismissed. Do you know what I mean? And all of that.

[00:36:52]But you you just don't know. You know, so many people are like, "Oh, that's wrong." Well, go through a divorce, especially the one that I went through and see how you would be. And then I'm still hurt because even though I'm angry and I don't want to be with him, it hurts not to feel loved or for somebody to fight for your marriage.

[00:37:10]That's hurtful.

[00:37:12]It's very hurtful. and then dealing with my daughter with her sickness and and this and that when she just had her stomach surgery, you know, two years ago and and then the the health issues and, you know, then she lo then a year later, you know, she loses her father and then going through that like nobody knows.

[00:37:28]That's why I wasn't filming a lot. Well, now it was my health and I'm dealing with that. But like, you know, I I it's just just remember and and I'm not making this about me. I'm using this as an example. We don't know what people are going through. We don't know. I'm only bringing up myself because I remember that headsp space I was in and that's a horrible place to be and misery loves company, you know, and you know, people can say, "Oh, you're you're boring and um oh, your channel's dead or whatever." I don't care. I ain't sitting here talking about people like you know what I mean. You know, like putting them down like saying they're you know what I mean? Having a hate thing like I'm I'm just I'm not and I talk about my life.

[00:38:11]Most of these people that do this, I guarantee you if they came on camera just to say, "Hey, what's up?" and talk about their life, they wouldn't have a they would not have as many views. Trust me. You know, so I'm I'm okay. I if nobody watched me, I'm still okay because I know I am not toxic anymore. I am not putting people down. I am not like, you know what I mean? I don't know. And I just think we all need to grow up because I've always said this before. If our kids, if the school called and our kids were being bullied, uh being a the bully, we would tell them don't do that. Or if they were being bullied, but imagine grown women doing this.

[00:38:56]It's crazy.

[00:38:58]And then I then I have to think, okay, it's just social media because, you know, with my ego, not anymore, but how I used to be. I used to get so angry because it was my ego. Like, [ __ ] say it to my face. Say it to my face. You know what I mean? But whatever. And again, I didn't grow up with social media, so I don't understand. And these people are around my age, a little bit younger. But I didn't even start social media to 2016. The end of 2016 was like October when I actually opened up the YouTube app to watch people cuz I heard about Ipsy and I wanted to know what that was. But I didn't start my channel till February 17th. I didn't have my Instagram till what 2018 or something like that or Facebook or what like I so I am still very new to social media so I never like got into all of that you know now like I said group chats I don't I don't think especially if you're not in the right if you're in the right headsp space and it's positive and all that but not when you're not in the right headsp space do not because sadly people will use that against you when they know what you're going through and what you went through they will they'll use it and it's sad but when you do things malicious is you get it back. You definitely get it back. All right, that's all I have to say. I didn't want to sound too negative, but just my point is be mindful.

[00:40:11]You know, you don't know. There's so many people now that are unaliving themselves. And I'm not saying it's about social media, but they're just not in the right headsp space. They're depressed. They're going through things.

[00:40:20]Look at all these people that are passing away from unaliving the football players, basketball players, you know, drug overdoses. And when you're just be you're on drugs, most of the time it's because there's a trauma or something that you were dealing with that you get on these things so you don't feel right all of this stuff. Just be mindful. You know what I mean? All right. Please thumbs up the video. Don't forget to hype this video. It really does help me out. It helps me get in the algorithm.

[00:40:48]I'll definitely be vlogging on Friday because I have to get my cat scan. So, I'll be doing that. I have to make a members video. I'm I think I'm going to make one tonight or set schedule a live stream to talk to you guys. Um yeah, make sure you leave a comment. Comment helps with engagement, even if it's just emoji.

[00:41:06]Stay beautiful, stay blessed, stay healthy, and most importantly, always stay you. Never let somebody take you out of your character. Do as I say, not as I do. Bye, guys.