I Watch My Husband Kiss Other Women For A Living...

Added: 2026-05-05

[00:00:00]So this week on the vlog, we are finally addressing my most frequently asked question. What is it like to be married to you, an actor? Because yes, my husband kisses other women for a living.

[00:00:13]>> Sometimes, >> sometimes men, >> sometimes.

[00:00:16]>> But that's not even the weirdest part.

[00:00:23]>> This is such a topic of interest that I actually went down a little bit of a rabbit hole. And it turns out there was a psychologist named Robert Zans who coined the mere exposure effect and that says basically the more time you spend with someone the more you will like them and the more time you spend pretending to be intimate the more you will have those real feelings.

[00:00:44]>> Is that why I'm falling in love with Fritter?

[00:00:48]>> So when that's your job spending those long hours acting out these romantic scenes it can start to feel in your brain like it's something real.

[00:00:57]according to this psychologist >> says you.

[00:00:59]>> So if that's the case, >> I'm cooked.

[00:01:04]>> And I'm out of here.

[00:01:04]>> Yeah. I don't think that is the case with you, though.

[00:01:07]>> No, it's definitely not.

[00:01:08]>> So there's clearly something else that must be at play because I don't think you are the only husband on the planet who has managed to stay faithful in your marriage and your relationship. I mean, God, I hope there must be others. And on the other hand, we know it does happen and we're kind of obsessed with it in our society and we even ship them. We give them their own names, right?

[00:01:30]Rangelina, Bennifer, Robston.

[00:01:33]>> Wait, so these are people that that worked together and then fell in love.

[00:01:37]>> So, we see that it does happen. But we're not just going to be talking about the romantic stuff. We're going to be talking about what people assume, what I find to be the hardest part, and things I did not expect. This is what it's really like being married to an actor.

[00:01:52]I'm going to put music. I I'll have a music come in.

[00:02:01]>> As I mentioned before, there's been a lot of research on this thing called situational intimacy. The more time you spend with someone in emotional scenarios, the more your brain starts to think it's real. Okay, so that does not bode well for the wife of a teen idol turned orthood god.

[00:02:19]Every part he plays, he is usually a romantic interest because look at him.

[00:02:25]He's interesting romantically.

[00:02:28]His job is literally to have the chemistry with his scene partner. If he doesn't, he could get fired. Chris, after hearing all of this, how does the defendant respond?

[00:02:39]>> People have uh chemistry on screen that translates into real life chemistry and they have a budding relationship because of it. However, I've been doing this for a long time and I have what I like to call, since we're doing everything in quotes, professional boundaries. It's my workplace. I go to work. If everyone was able to regulate themselves and have professional boundaries, then the industry would probably be different in a lot of ways. That's why in recent years we've started having what are called intimacy coordinators. They call whoever is involved in the scene and they say, "Is there anything you want to talk about? Is there anything you're uncomfortable with? Are there any boundaries that you want to talk about or set?" I'll give you a a funny sort of funny example. When I first started on the OC and I had scenes with Misha Barton, >> cuz I was her girlfriend on the show.

[00:03:41]>> You were her boyfriend.

[00:03:42]>> I was the boyfriend. That's right.

[00:03:45]different show, nothing too racy. It was, you know, Fox prime time. I remember specifically there was one scene where we were having to be intimate in a bed >> and uh after the the first take, I rolled over and there was Misha's mom standing there with her arms crossed looking over at me and and and and it was there was kind of like a uh like a little bit of an awkward moment and I just said, "Oh, hey, Mom." And the whole crew started laughing. Uh, I would say that was my first intimacy coordinator.

[00:04:16]>> Wow. Doesn't get more intense than mom being there.

[00:04:20]>> Hollywood means a lot of different things to different people. For some people, it's this sort of route to fast fame and and being a star. For me, it was a career that I chose, a skill and a talent that I worked on very hard to be good enough to be here in this arena.

[00:04:38]And when I got a job, it was a job opportunity for employment, doing the thing that I loved. In terms of what a lot of people want out of Hollywood, that's very different. Some people want, like I said, the the fast life, the fast fame, or some people, as we've seen in recent years, really want to put themselves in a position of power where they can take advantage of people. So, I there's a lot of lives that are happening simultaneously in this like microcosm. You can answer this any way you want. It could be before you met me.

[00:05:11]We can just say, >> did you ever feel >> the before times?

[00:05:14]>> The before times, since we don't want to make this uncomfortable, did you ever have a spark that you were like, I'm just going to shut that down because this is my workplace and I'm going to be professional here.

[00:05:26]>> Uh, no. Because I approached the workplace from that perspective. But when you wrap yourself in sort of a let's call it a facade for now, a a polite facade. I mean, I've had it called uninteresting before.

[00:05:44]>> Our first time we met, you definitely came off as a respectful person and not someone who was looking, you know. Yeah.

[00:05:51]>> Some guys come off just the way they look at you, you feel like, oh, he's he's looking me up and down. You just know >> they're hunting.

[00:05:59]>> Yeah. I guess some women I mean I'd be lying if I didn't say that I've liked that on occasion when if it's a person that you also find attractive and so >> it certainly is a signal that there's an opportunity.

[00:06:12]>> Right. Right. So you start to think about that person in a more sexual way and you are very good. Well not anymore.

[00:06:20]Now I'm like I'm married. You did not give off any of that like man energy you know.

[00:06:26]>> No man energy here. none of that sexual man energy.

[00:06:32]>> I definitely don't wear it on my sleeve and I definitely don't um portray that I think on a regular basis.

[00:06:38]>> This is a nice segue into how this works in our own relationship. I also did a little research and >> more research.

[00:06:45]>> I did more research. So I read that many actors study this method like ste I'm not going to pronounce it right.

[00:06:52]>> Stannis loll >> you know this method.

[00:06:55]>> That's how I learned. Yeah.

[00:06:57]>> Okay. Well, tell us a little bit about it and how it helps you separate your on-screen emotions from your real life emotions.

[00:07:04]>> Okay. Stannislovski method involves building an entire world unto itself in your imagination.

[00:07:13]>> The person I'm working with, I have built a past with them in my imagination. I've told myself these stories and I have acting techniques that make them real for me.

[00:07:23]>> Okay? But I've filled in all the blanks.

[00:07:26]So this person, this scene partner is a unique person in my life. I as my own character am also a unique person that I have built up in my imagination. That's how you can turn off the switch and go home.

[00:07:40]>> So in that imaginary world, I don't exist.

[00:07:44]>> No.

[00:07:45]>> Wow. And you can really do that.

[00:07:47]>> That's what acting is.

[00:07:48]>> Damn.

[00:07:49]>> I mean, it's not like you don't exist because you're texting me all day like you need to pick up these groceries.

[00:07:55]Let's say you're just hanging out backstage with Camila or we're all hanging out. Is that weird? Like me and Camila both in the same room hanging out with you?

[00:08:04]>> Not at all. Is it weird for you?

[00:08:06]>> Well, no, but I don't know. You have this other world where that's your wife and you love that person.

[00:08:11]>> I think for certain actors that could be difficult, particularly like maybe method actors who immerse themselves in the character at all times, even between takes.

[00:08:24]I said to call me Batman, you stupid dingleberry.

[00:08:28]>> But for somebody who works with my technique, it's not.

[00:08:32]>> And I guess the biggest takeaway here is that you do turn it off. I imagine some people might not turn it off, but you will continue to keep turning it off.

[00:08:41]>> I promise I'll keep turning it off.

[00:08:43]>> Before we move on, if we want to just talk about like even our relationship with Camila as a person. We started hanging out with her before you guys had a romantic relationship. You were just friends.

[00:08:54]>> We had kids the same age.

[00:08:55]>> She's just such a lovely person and I was honestly happy that they decided to write you two together. You guys would look good together. I thought your characters had chemistry. So, I was like, "Yeah, that makes sense." It's funny because you're saying about this imaginary world that you create for yourself. When I watch the show, I get sucked into that imaginary world. And I I don't I'm not thinking of you as my husband. I'm thinking of you as Link when I watch Grace. When I watch you in anything, >> I must be doing a good job.

[00:09:29]>> You do a great job. Sometimes I cry. I can honestly say I've never felt jealous other than I've been like, he needs to he needs to bring some of that home.

[00:09:38]Some of that >> some of that swag needs to come home.

[00:09:42]So, there's the stuff that no one sees or really talks about. What your schedule is like.

[00:09:48]>> Oh, schedule.

[00:09:49]>> What your job security is like.

[00:09:51]>> Job security.

[00:09:52]>> We've discussed some things briefly in our life stories. But right before our wedding, Chris had to cut his hair.

[00:09:59]>> Right. The schedule can be very spontaneous. There are a lot of moving parts. There's a lot of other actors.

[00:10:07]Somebody who was supposed to work that day could get really sick. That happens kind of regularly.

[00:10:12]>> What did you always say? Like they don't pay you to act.

[00:10:15]>> A long time ago, a friend of mine said that they don't pay us to act. They pay us to be available. And that really is it. And a show like Grae actually I'm very grateful to be a part of because we shoot mostly interior stuff which means we're shooting regular hours but at least you can know that there's this window.

[00:10:36]>> Yeah. We were just watching Walking Dead last night and you said, "These poor people must have been filming till >> till the sun came on."

[00:10:44]>> Yeah. Most of the scenes on that show take place at night.

[00:10:46]>> Anytime you're shooting a night exterior, that was a late night, right?

[00:10:51]>> Trust me.

[00:10:51]>> So, you have been fortunate. You've done a few movies that have been out of town and they don't just automatically say, "Bring the whole family." He usually has to go alone.

[00:11:02]>> You want to talk about unpredictable at this moment? At this very moment, I don't know if I'm going out of town in >> Yeah.

[00:11:12]>> 3 weeks to Australia for 5 weeks. I literally still don't know. And it's really hard to plan life.

[00:11:21]>> I am still the primary caregiver. So Chris's schedule basically uh controls my schedule. You don't realize how scary it is until you have kids about not knowing like when your next job will be or when your job will end.

[00:11:36]>> Yeah. There's not a lot of job security.

[00:11:38]>> And so you understand why a lot of TV actors maybe their spouse is a stay-at-home mom because he can have this crazy chaotic schedule and I can be around to take care of the kids. I mean, that was a big part of why I wanted to leave my touring job.

[00:11:51]>> Yeah.

[00:11:52]>> Imagine two people not ever knowing their schedule.

[00:11:55]>> It's hard. But let's talk about some of the perks.

[00:12:00]>> The perks.

[00:12:00]>> The perks.

[00:12:01]>> Still waiting on those perks.

[00:12:03]>> Waiting on those.

[00:12:05]>> I think maybe we get more perks for being on social media.

[00:12:09]>> I think you're right.

[00:12:11]>> We get sent like arm and hammer detergent.

[00:12:13]>> Well, you know what's funny? I've never been somebody comfortable using my status as an actor.

[00:12:20]>> Name drop. Does anyone do that?

[00:12:22]>> Well, I I some do. You know, I remember when we were in Nashville, I couldn't get a dinner reservation or whatever. I remember Will Chase said to me, he's like, "Why didn't you use your superpowers? You didn't use your superpowers?

[00:12:34]>> I don't know how to do it."

[00:12:36]>> Well, it just naturally feels like such an uncomfortable thing to have to do.

[00:12:40]Most people who you see going to all of these like red carpet events, they're in magazines. If their face is everywhere, they're probably paying a publicist to make that happen. Chris just like doesn't like that at all. Well, the opportunities that it would open were also such a drag. I was like, why am I paying for these opportunities that I don't even want to participate in?

[00:13:02]>> Yeah. I didn't realize like a lot of the actresses, especially once you accept an invitation to go to one of these events, you then have to spend a ton of money on a stylist and that can cost what $10,000 or something.

[00:13:13]>> I don't know. I've never >> That's crazy.

[00:13:16]>> I've never hired a stylist. And if you look through all the photos of me at red carpet events, you'll be like, "Yep, that guy never hired a stylist."

[00:13:24]>> Doesn't exactly sound as glamorous as you think.

[00:13:27]>> No, it it's Hollywood. It's It's a lot of It's smoke and mirrors.

[00:13:31]>> We're not getting sent Armani. We're getting sent Arman Hammer. We do use the Arman Hammer.

[00:13:36]>> All perks are nice.

[00:13:38]>> Mhm. Absolutely. What is it really like to be married to an actor? My true answer is you have to be good at taking selfies for people.

[00:13:49]Because that is ultimately the difference between me and anyone else. I take a lot of selfies for people, so I get excited cuz I'm like, "Yeah, he's still relevant."

[00:14:00]>> Technical note, are they still selfies when you're taking the picture?

[00:14:03]>> No. Should I Should I say that?