#suntalkpodcast Body Shaming Is Real And It Needs To Stop | Breaking Society’s Myths About Body Size

Added: 2026-05-22

[00:00:00]Growing up, it was quite tough cuz they made up songs. Like "Kibonge" and you know, like the whole Yeah, so I sort of got introduced to that like from home and then into society like younger kids.

[00:00:10]>> Were you Well, for me it was Yeah, how about you? Please tell me cuz I mean we're we're total opposite. Yeah, we are.

[00:00:17]>> opposite.

[00:00:18]>> [laughter] >> How did you grow up when you >> Oh my goodness, it was a thing. Yes, you always like this.

[00:00:24]Grew like this, but always people looking at me they were like, "You don't need, girl. Do you eat? Should we give your your parents, you know, the training?" That kind of harsh is when for example, I'm with people or I'm around people and I'm like, "Oh my god, I'm starving." Yeah.

[00:00:40]>> And they're like, "Senao, what did you say on set?" What? What do you mean "Senao, what did you say on set?" And I'm like, "Wait, wait, hold on. Um How am I exempt from hunger?" Right? Cuz going, you know, to my aunties, uncles, and whoever. Yeah.

[00:01:00]Hey, what's going on with you? And for me, I eat, man. Like You actually do be eating. I don't know. It's like I do literally like I can't handle you people telling me to do something that I'm doing.

[00:01:12]>> I know. That is insane.

[00:01:13]>> Yeah, it is very insane. But also they they feel like they need to give me some more, you know, um insights.

[00:01:23]You can take whatever you want.

[00:01:26]I'm like, "But but I'm okay."

[00:01:30]That's harsh. Cuz they don't believe that somebody like me could eat that small of a meal. You play some comfortable. I'm eating. I'm not shy.

[00:01:39]I'm okay. Or at a restaurant, they're like, "Oh, because it's me." And then And I'm like, "That's Oh my goodness.

[00:01:55]That's not true.

[00:01:56]>> [laughter] >> That's so me. Very me. That thing makes me laugh so hard because because sometimes I'm like imagine the number of crop tops I would be wearing.

[00:02:12]Do I have a good heart because also the thing >> [laughter] >> Right? So exactly so it has nothing to do with Mhm.

[00:02:23]Yeah.

[00:02:35]>> [music] [singing] >> Now [music] when you let it in God's hands, that's when he comes out [music] with a better version of your life.

[00:02:55]Wake up and let's do this. Yeah.

[00:03:00]Yeah. Hi everyone. As usual, my name is Sunny and this is Sun Talks podcast and I'm very glad to see you again. And you all, if you haven't subscribed yet, please do it. It's free. Right, Nat?

[00:03:14]>> Absolutely.

[00:03:15]>> And then why not? Why not? Please make it make it for me, make it for us for us to be, you know, to grow more.

[00:03:23]Uh I'm saying right Nat cuz but I know I didn't like who you are. Uh she is the queen herself. Uh she is uh a TikToker, a YouTuber and also she is a girl, a random girl and um I I loved uh you know, welcoming her here. I think you are um you can feel it.

[00:03:49]Yeah.

[00:03:51]Yeah. I I hope you people will feel it, too. You are so very welcome.

[00:03:55]>> Thank you so much for having me.

[00:03:57]>> I mean, I'm so glad you came in.

[00:03:59]>> This is my first podcast, so I'm I'm really glad that it's yours. Oh my god.

[00:04:03]>> We've never met, Ashley. This is our first time meeting.

[00:04:05]>> Yeah. And uh you reached out on TikTok, and I saw your message, accepted the request, and then I was like, maybe I should do my due diligence, and like, you know, look you up and see what you talk about, cuz sometimes people talk about things you don't want to talk about.

[00:04:18]>> Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Sure. Sure. So, I was like, yeah, why not? Absolutely. Yeah.

[00:04:21]>> Oh my god. I'm so glad.

[00:04:23]>> since then, so here I am.

[00:04:25]>> I'm so glad you made it. And I'm so actually I'm so excited for this topic, cuz I think it is the topic that me and you can relate to. We We definitely can.

[00:04:37]>> Yes. And I I believe that many people can, too, here [snorts] in Rwanda especially. Yes. So, we are going to to tackle the body shaming thing. Let's get into it.

[00:04:48]>> Let's get into it. And I mean, someone can ask, like, what is body shaming?

[00:04:54]What What it is to you? Well, you know, your definition? My definition would be uh me not being accepted for who I am, especially by my looks, the size of my body, whether it's small or big, where my mouth is placed, my eyes.

[00:05:11]Basically, me looking different and being shamed for it.

[00:05:13]>> Right. Right.

[00:05:14]>> Yeah. To keep it simple.

[00:05:15]>> Yeah. Yeah. That's That's so true. I think I would give this same It's kind of same, you know, meaning.

[00:05:23]They said, body shaming is the act of criticizing, mocking, or humiliating someone based on their physical appearance, >> Absolutely. weight, or shape, whatever you think of That is exactly that.

[00:05:38]>> Yeah. Yeah. That is exactly that.

[00:05:39]>> it simple, but yeah, that is the actual definition.

[00:05:42]>> Yeah. Yeah. Uh you did your research.

[00:05:43]But, yeah. Yeah. You [laughter] know.

[00:05:46]Yeah, we do our job.

[00:05:48]So, I wanted to ask you Yeah. Um what happened, you know, from your young age? Uh I think I believe you were, you know, you can give us some testimony. Like on, you know, who did it to you, how was it like, you know, the whole thing.

[00:06:09]>> it to me first? Basically I don't know how I know that that was even a thing.

[00:06:12]Yeah.

[00:06:13]>> Mhm. I see. Uh so, personally, I grew up very chubby. I feel like I was born quite chubby, you know, and I still am.

[00:06:21]Um but in a family that's also sort of mixed. Thank you.

[00:06:26]>> Thank you so much.

[00:06:28]Uh the first I feel like I don't know if it's the same for everybody, but it's family first.

[00:06:35]Yeah, for me it was. At least for me. I can only speak for myself. But yeah, for me it was family first. Um I started, for example, I know I remember going on a diet at probably age eight, if not nine. Um I know, I know. It's quite sad, but you know, we've been healing, so I'm good.

[00:06:53]I remember, you know, being refused things like ice cream, you know, like, "Oh, you're going to have it, but just so you know, tomorrow we're working out." So, you know, yeah. Um but yeah, so it's family first and then the neighborhood, the community. Oh. Cuz you know, I was as I was walking down the street, going to church, going to school, Yeah. kids are singing, people are looking at me. I know. So, growing up it was quite tough cuz they made up songs. Like "Kibonge." And you know, like the whole Yeah, so I sort of got introduced to that like from home and then into society like younger kids.

[00:07:24]>> Were you ashamed? Um I I I was, but at first I didn't know what it meant. I felt I think I was not just ashamed, but I was sad. Yeah, so I felt bullied. I was bullied. So, I didn't know Yeah, I don't think I was ashamed cuz what was there to be ashamed of? This is I'm young. Like this is who I am. This is the size I'm at. Do you know what's crazy? I don't even think I was that chubby if you were to look at my pictures when I was younger. I mean, I was chubby, but like not to the extent where you know, you would think it's a problem. Yeah. So yeah, yeah, I felt I felt sad cuz I was bullied. Um but I I didn't know what else to do about it. I figured that's that's the society we live in.

[00:08:01]>> Yeah. Yeah. Actually, I I do believe that people do it um without knowing what it would do to to the you know, yeah, yeah, to the person that you know, is going through that cuz it is a thing. Actually, it is a thing.

[00:08:16]People go through hell. A lot. And by themselves. These are battles that we fight. Like inner battles that we fight by ourselves.

[00:08:24]>> Yeah, but it's like you know, especially when you're a kid. You are a baby. You don't need to be Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't need to have those problems. No. No. We're already struggling with other things, you know? Homework. Did we do our homework? Now we have to think about what to wear, what we look like when we wear it, you know?

[00:08:43]Uh what to eat? Should I be eating this?

[00:08:44]Should I not be eating this? I'm just young, you know, I need to grow. So meaning I need to eat, you know what I mean? But none of that made sense at the time. So yeah, it's just it made me feel small even though I was already small.

[00:08:55]Um but the most interesting thing for me is that I didn't think about it until I was a bit older.

[00:09:02]So when it was all happening to me, it did not click. Right.

[00:09:06]>> at the time at least. Yeah, it did not click. And then the older I got, Yeah, the more you understood it.

[00:09:13]>> Yes, the more I understood it. Yeah.

[00:09:15]Well, for me it was Yeah, how about you? Please tell me cuz I mean, we're >> [laughter] >> we're total opposites. Yeah, yeah, we are.

[00:09:21]>> opposites. But how did you grow up? Were you always this size? Yeah.

[00:09:25]>> Oh my goodness. It was a thing. Yes, you always like this.

[00:09:30]Grew like this, but always people looking at me, they were like, "You don't need, girl. Do you eat? Should we give Wow.

[00:09:38]It was hurtful even for my parents, for me as well.

[00:09:43]>> Yeah, but I couldn't get it. But also, I went something that we can call a diet.

[00:09:49]Yes. Something like that cuz they would say, uh, "No we need to come out and change you." You would You know what I mean?

[00:09:55]You gain more weight.

[00:09:57]>> more weight. I couldn't take milk. And so, I'm I'm lactose intolerant.

[00:10:01]>> Me, too. Quinzys. I know, me, too.

[00:10:04][laughter] Which is really crazy because in this country, I mean, cows are very glorified. You know what I mean? So, growing up and then my parents, they had a farm growing up. So, imagine having a farm and being, I guess, sort of allergic to milk.

[00:10:18]>> Yep. That was crazy.

[00:10:20]>> It was a thing. And they would say, "If you take milk and I did some banana, blended everything."

[00:10:27]>> butter, God knows what.

[00:10:30]Oh, God. And then you'll be more bigger?

[00:10:32]Yeah. And it was like a thing my my my grandparents talked about it. Everyone who was looking at me at the first time >> wanted you to gain weight.

[00:10:43]>> you It was a personal thing.

[00:10:46]>> [laughter] >> you. They were like, "You know what? I got something for you."

[00:10:48]>> Yes, you can't something. What's going on with you, girl? Like So, me, in my head, I was like, "Something is going wrong here." Yeah, absolutely.

[00:10:59]>> What's the problem? Is it me?

[00:11:01]Are they the problem? Cuz Exactly. You start wondering, "Are they the problem?

[00:11:05]Am I the problem? What's really going on here?"

[00:11:07]>> yeah, I couldn't get it until right now I'm grown, it's okay. You can say whatever you want, but Yo, there are some some examples that are hard even now. Do you have those? Uh, that are hard to hear?

[00:11:22]Uh, so like for example now, I've noticed that every single time I would come back home >> Mhm. uh, people would say, "Wow, you still, you know, you're gaining even more weight." We don't want you to have a crush on Yeah. You know, like stop or other examples that are kind of harsh is when for example, I'm with people or I'm around people and I'm like, "Oh my god, I'm starving." Yeah. And they're like, "Sena would you so and so?" What? What do you mean Sena would you so and so?

[00:11:47]And I'm like, "Wait, wait, hold on.

[00:11:50]How am I exempt from hunger?" Right? Cuz that you you feel like, you know, that basically so yeah, those those are quite harsh or when you know, when you are looking for clothes at a store. Oh, it's hard. And then as soon as you get at the door, they literally you walk in and they're like, "Oh, we don't have anything that could fit you." They say it. Yeah, and they don't know that's the thing. They don't know if you're buying something for yourself. Maybe I'm getting you a present. I could enter that store not necessarily shopping for myself. I could be getting something for my sister who is actually much smaller than I am.

[00:12:26]But yeah, so immediately they just dismiss you without you know, knowing >> without knowing what you you know, what what you're there for. That's also bad on their business. You know, it's a point I'm like, "Okay, you're lost."

[00:12:38]You're right. I had money. Right.

[00:12:39]>> [laughter] >> I'll go somewhere else where I'm welcome. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, those those are quite harsh. You know, being cuz me as soon as somebody sees me, they don't see me.

[00:12:49]They see my size. It's like I'm like, "Hey, up here. I'm I'm a human being." You know, Yeah.

[00:12:57]>> Cuz when I say, "Hi, how are you doing?"

[00:12:59]I don't go, "Oh my god, look at you.

[00:13:00]You're so skinny." That's not the first thing. They always say that. Yeah, but for me it's like, [laughter] "Oh my god, look at." So I'm like, "Wait, you couldn't see me for me first? Then maybe we'll get into that when we get comfortable cuz you don't know me."

[00:13:11]Right.

[00:13:12]>> what I mean? Yeah. And now you've left me with something that I got to go home and think about the whole time. Yeah, so yeah, that's an impact. How about you?

[00:13:19]What what do they say?

[00:13:21]They say, >> [laughter] >> I made literally think of something and you know, me especially my you know my relatives they take it very personal my weight.

[00:13:34]>> starts from home right? Yeah, so they are like whenever I'm going you know to my aunties, uncles and whoever. Yeah.

[00:13:44]Like Hey, what's going on with you? Can't for me I eat man. Like for me >> You actually do be eating. I didn't know that I do be eating.

[00:13:55]You know it's not going into the places.

[00:13:57]That's just who I am.

[00:13:58]>> Like like literally like I can't handle you people telling me to do something that I'm doing. It's like >> that is insane.

[00:14:06]>> Yeah, it is very insane. But also they they feel like they need to give me some more you know insights and they feel like I'm doing something wrong.

[00:14:18]My parents are doing something wrong.

[00:14:20]Whoever that I'm I'm doing >> Everybody just wants to have an input.

[00:14:24]It's like unsolicited. Exactly. You didn't you didn't ask for it. I didn't ask for it. But yeah, they just want to like be into your life telling you things. Say, hold on. This is my life. I know what I'm doing and I'm okay. How is this your problem?

[00:14:37]>> Yeah, especially when when they come home they are like you know they are greeting at the you know other siblings and other relatives, yeah. my parents and everything but whenever they come to me they're like yeah, no.

[00:14:51]It's always a shock. I know. [laughter] >> are you okay? I mean how have you been?

[00:14:59]And it's still about weight. It's like it's about my body.

[00:15:04]I and I think it will go on and on.

[00:15:09]>> [laughter] >> I know for life. We need we need we need we need to tell them that it's not okay.

[00:15:14]Cuz you know what's crazy that you just said you do eat. Very interesting factoid.

[00:15:18]People don't believe because they don't know me. They don't believe that I actually don't even eat much. Oh my goodness. So when they meet me, for example, let's say I visit your house and you you're like, "Oh yeah, you can serve yourself." And then I put whatever amount I feel like I'm comfortable with.

[00:15:33]Immediately it's like, "Oh, oh, Mura."

[00:15:35]Mhm. You can take whatever you want.

[00:15:38]And I'm like, "But but I'm okay." Yeah.

[00:15:42]That's harsh. Cuz they don't believe that somebody like me >> Mhm. could eat that small Oh my goodness. of a meal. Oh my goodness.

[00:15:49]>> But why not? Like I still have a stomach. That's right. It's not exactly.

[00:15:53]So that's also a really harsh thing to say to somebody. Exactly. That's right.

[00:15:58]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:01]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:05]That's right.

[00:16:06]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:11]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:14]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:17]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:20]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:24]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:27]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:29]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:32]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:35]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:38]That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

[00:16:42]That's right. That's right. That's right. for me somewhere somehow I went to schools abroad. Right. They were harsher than kids here. Uh to my understanding.

[00:16:54]They're way harsher. Uh because I did go like part of part of me like at least one year I went to a boarding school here.

[00:17:01]Kids weren't really as mean but when I was abroad kids are way harsh. They bully you for your size. They're like, "Oh your uniform doesn't fit right. Um you can't touch anything of my things." They don't want to sit near you cuz basically being big is almost like you're some kind of animal.

[00:17:18]People are very fat-phobic. Yeah. Like that's really >> Yeah, like fat-phobia is so real.

[00:17:25]>> I didn't [laughter] know that was even the word. It is It is. I know. Like in the same way people have, you know, arachnophobia, people have the fear, extreme fear of big people.

[00:17:35]>> [snorts] >> Bigger people inside, so that's plus-size people.

[00:17:38]>> Oh my god.

[00:17:39]>> Yes, they If it scares them to the point where they technically don't It's like, I can't sit next to this person. I'm scared of them. They fear themselves, you know, becoming fat. Yeah, even themselves becoming fat.

[00:17:53]>> Oh, they think like it is a thing like that can charm them.

[00:17:57]>> Basically, yeah. They're like, you You must be sick. Something is wrong with you.

[00:18:01]>> goodness. Uh you look ugly. Nothing fits you. You shouldn't be wearing certain clothes, even though they, you know, they're your right size. They just feel like Basically, they can Because you're fat equals Because you're fat, you're ugly.

[00:18:15]Mhm.

[00:18:15]>> Because you're fat, you're scary.

[00:18:17]Because you're fat, you don't get to do this. Because you're fat, you're not pretty enough. Because you're fat It becomes a whole thing. So, just being bigger Yeah. made my my I guess my high school days hell.

[00:18:27]>> Oh, I'm so sorry.

[00:18:30]I'm so sorry.

[00:18:30]>> we grew. We grew.

[00:18:32]>> Yo, how are you now? We grew like >> [laughter] >> I mean >> We grew out of it.

[00:18:37]>> Now I'm considering asking you like >> a whole, you know, a whole you.

[00:18:41]>> plus-size, you know, beautiful babe. And [laughter] and actually, your your your your bio >> My handle is also Yes, I'm a plus-size girly, you know.

[00:18:52]>> Yep. I love it.

[00:18:53]>> I don't mind.

[00:18:54]>> I love it, babe.

[00:18:55]>> I love it. I love it, too. Oh my goodness.

[00:18:57]>> Honestly, you grow up, and then at the end of the day, you're like, who is going to Mhm. love me more than I will?

[00:19:03]Right.

[00:19:04]>> Cuz I've experienced this entire scrutiny my entire life, you know? Like from my young age at home, at school, um as an adult at work, in sports.

[00:19:14]>> Right. That's That's another very interesting factor.

[00:19:17]People here believe you don't get to work out unless you're trying to lose weight.

[00:19:23]Yep.

[00:19:23]>> If I wake up I go for a run, which I probably won't do, but if I wake [laughter] up I go for a run, they'll be like, "Huh?"

[00:19:32]If I eat a small meal because I feel like it, you know? So, work out is a lifestyle.

[00:19:38]Right. You know, you can exercise because you want to live a good life, good and long life. But here, when they see me in the gym or they hear that I work out, if I go for yoga, oh, she's trying to lose weight. Yeah.

[00:19:52]>> And then if I come back and I'm like, "Oh, I just came from a workout."

[00:19:55]Oh my goodness.

[00:19:59]What? But it's like, "What? That's not what I'm trying to do though. I'm trying to be comfortable in my own skin, you know? I'm trying to glow and look good and live a long life for my kids and my grandkids, you know?" You know. Yeah, so that's the thing. That's the belief here.

[00:20:13]It's crazy.

[00:20:14]>> crazy. It's crazy. For me, um I don't have a problem with clothes.

[00:20:20]Mhm.

[00:20:21]When I'm going in town, Mhm. I hate town. I I I mean, I hate I you know, buying anything.

[00:20:26]>> You and me both. Most people hate town.

[00:20:29]Right.

[00:20:29]>> Most people really hate town.

[00:20:30]>> yeah, I do. But But most especially going, you know, on shopping, it's my worst nightmare. It is. Cuz when they see you, they're like, See? I mean, what? It's It's never enough. You're either too big or you're It's a problem. Yeah, so you would never satisfy them. I would never satisfy them. So, clearly, I mean, it's the It's the saying. We can never satisfy everybody, so we have to live our lives >> Yeah, but >> honestly. Yeah, but did it change you though? Your experience as a person. Um it has changed me. It made me It made me a better person. Cuz I mean, sometimes this is what I like to say. I don't like to do my own, but this is what I like to say.

[00:21:15]>> [laughter] >> That's so true.

[00:21:22]>> [laughter] >> That's so real. It's very >> That saying makes me laugh so hard because because sometimes I'm like, imagine the number of crop tops >> [laughter] >> I would be wearing if I had a flat tummy. I need to I always say that. In that Just imagine.

[00:21:39]Just imagine, you know? So, it it did it did make me a better person. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been this kind or this nice or this gracious when it came if had I been in a different body. I don't know.

[00:21:52]I truly don't know cuz sometimes I'll be on a moto and the guy will be like So, I'm like Do I have a good heart because So, exactly. So, it has nothing to do with our size. Exactly. So, it makes me wonder sometimes. But now that you say it, I have my answer. You can still be kind regardless of your size, honestly.

[00:22:18]>> It doesn't really Yeah, I think yeah. So, it changed me I guess in a way of like now I I I know myself.

[00:22:25]I know what I like. Yeah. I don't care about what anybody says cuz people are going to talk regardless. Honestly, I could wake up and not speak to anybody and somebody's going to say something about somebody like me or just me in general. So, I think I've it made me resilient. Right.

[00:22:43]>> It made me more personable, too. Cuz people can relate to me. They you know, I'm more understanding because of the experiences I had.

[00:22:51]But I I came a long way. That's one thing I have to specify. I came a long way cuz my mental health in general when I was growing up Yes, when I was growing up or even as an adult, cuz I just recently, like I just recently started loving myself. I call it recently, it could be maybe 6 years from, you know, 6 years ago, but 6 years is also for me recent, cuz I'm 30. It is It is very Why is it only 6 years ago?

[00:23:17]Exactly, I started accepting myself, you know? Um, so I came a long way, but I'm a better person for it today. And I'm a better person for other people for it today. So I think I think that's what I technically changed about me that I truly love. Yeah.

[00:23:33]What what about your mental health?

[00:23:36]Now? Yes. Now Now we're working on it. That That See, this is the thing with mental health. Um I think it's ongoing. It's one day at a time. Right. And it's good to be aware.

[00:23:48]Uh self-aware. Um, also the people around you as if you can, let them know, you know, how are you doing? What do you like to hear? What do you not like to hear?

[00:23:58]Um If How are they impacting Impacting you, especially if they're close to you.

[00:24:01]Right. Cuz I mean I can't go ahead and tell everybody, you need to be so kind to me. You can't keep calling me that. I mean I can try since I'm on socials and advocate for myself, but what if they don't? What if they don't, you know, um do anything about it? What am I supposed to do? So I've come a long way. That's one thing for sure. I keep saying that I've come a really really long way because I struggled with anxiety, you know, going out became a struggle for me. Uh because I would want to wear something, especially when my parents would still buy me outfits.

[00:24:31]Um, and I'll be like, "Oh my god, it's so tight on the stomach. I don't like what it looks like.

[00:24:36]I don't think I'm I want to go out."

[00:24:38]Then I'll change my mind. So every single time me going out became a problem simply because of how I looked, not because I didn't like out. I'm already an introvert, but like Yeah, what's about that? Yeah, why why am I not going? So it kept me isolated for a very long time. I was depressed, you know, I thought about so many things. Me for a very long time, you know, when even was an when I was an adult, I was on antidepressants. And I Yeah, so I really have struggled, you know, with my mental health. I'm not saying everybody, you know, who is my size gets to go through it. I think it depends um if you have a support system and you go through it, you know, with ease and poise and with a a village, >> Mhm. um it's easier.

[00:25:18]>> village.

[00:25:18]>> It would definitely A a village, you know. You You all need a village. Um it would be so much easier. Mhm. But um if you're alone, Mhm. uh it's it's harsh.

[00:25:28]It's really hard. Mhm. Uh so so far, I would say so good because I you know, I have friends, I have family, I have a very supportive partner. Mhm. Um so, you know what? It's Yeah, so so far, I would say I'm I'm getting there. But the thing with mental health is that it's one day at a time. Uh you don't get better all of a sudden, Mhm.

[00:25:47]You cannot. A trigger could come from, you know, the bottle of water. Yeah. You know, Yeah. You like, "Wow.

[00:25:54]You know, what Why did ask me why did I ask for water? And they're like, "Why didn't you ask for Fanta?"

[00:25:58]And then all of a sudden, I snap. You know, so it it takes it takes it takes time. I am working on it. I am a mental health advocate actually as well. Um so, yeah. So, I talk about it openly um and I encourage everybody else to talk about it cuz that's something that we don't do a lot of. Yes. No. We We can't. I think it's a >> Cuz we have apparently our culture, we don't understand. We don't agree. I don't even know close. I know. Yes.

[00:26:27]Close people. We don't talk about things, but also we do harm each other.

[00:26:32]We do. Which is extremely We do.

[00:26:37]I mean, how can you harm your person? You The person that you love. That you love the most. Mhm. And then you harm them. Cuz I figured that, you know, men and women Let me give you an example.

[00:26:53]>> Um there is this couple.

[00:26:56]They are married. They love each other and everything. But the man um got married to that woman. She was, you know, a little bit slim. Yes. Thin, a little bit. Yeah. And then when she got married, she got kids and everything. So, she got a little bit >> yeah. Yeah, a bit chubby. She basically You know, yeah. She became a wife. Yeah, yeah.

[00:27:20]Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You know, your body changes after kids, too. So. We have to know that.

[00:27:26]>> it is yeah, biologically. You can't really It is a fact. It is a fact. I mean, you cannot change it. And then the guy is harassing her. Asking her to lose the weight.

[00:27:39]No.

[00:27:39]>> Every morning, he's like You need to go to work. Do you have good job? I mean No. Yeah. But that's your wife.

[00:27:48]I mean, she cooks for you.

[00:27:49]>> you. For never for worse. I mean, right?

[00:27:51]Till death do you part? And then he's >> For better, for worse, people. Like what? When you cuz that means in sickness and in health. I'm not saying you her being chubbier is sickness >> She's healthy.

[00:28:02]She's healthy. She's healthy. You could be healthy at a bigger size. You could be healthy at a smaller size. All sizes, you know, are very welcome. And as long as you're healthy, you're good. So, yeah, you're right. We do harm each other. How could you tell your actual wife, >> Yeah. somebody you married by your choice, you chose, Yeah. this partner.

[00:28:20]Yes. You were not It was not arranged.

[00:28:23]Nobody forced you.

[00:28:25]How we do harm each other. We do harm each other and we harm our people. It's crazy. And maybe we don't know that we are doing it. Sometimes. Sometimes, yes.

[00:28:35]Yeah, it's lack of knowledge.

[00:28:37]>> Cuz cuz if someone is telling me, you know, you need to gain weight, other is telling you need to lose weight, something is wrong right there.

[00:28:44]>> That's true. Yeah, and and and and think we do have to be educated by ourselves and also read. Yeah, yeah, we don't necessarily have No one owes you an explanation or the education. Exactly.

[00:28:58]>> your wife, for example, the example you gave me. If you truly love your wife, you would want to you would want to understand >> Right.

[00:29:04]>> her and what's on her mind, her body, maybe be educated about women. Exactly.

[00:29:10]You know, we have phases. You know, we have mood swings, you know? We have that time of the month that's not greatest.

[00:29:15]Hormones. Exactly. She could also be going through something, you know? And now you you feel like it's all about vanity, beauty. Yes, but she could actually be struggling with something.

[00:29:28]What if she's also struggling with her own body image? She used to be smaller.

[00:29:31]Yeah. Now she has kids.

[00:29:32]>> Exactly. Now watch her not love her body, but you're also adding something.

[00:29:39]Exactly. So now Now imagine what's going on in through you know, going through her brain or her mind as she's experiencing all that. Yes, and also if if I get married by God's grace, I would love gaining some weight. Yeah, and you might and you probably will.

[00:29:56]>> [laughter] >> Chances are you will.

[00:29:58]Tap into that. And and now imagine my my partner telling me that I should lose weight.

[00:30:03]And you know you've known your whole life I know and you've grown your whole life being very small, being told you should be bigger, you need to be bigger. And now the time has come, your partner tells you, you know what? Yeah, no. You got to lose weight. But you love where you are.

[00:30:18]>> Yeah. Wow. So So here's the thing. Do I love the way I am? Can I change it?

[00:30:25]Do I need to change for someone?

[00:30:28]>> else? No, no.

[00:30:29]>> Exactly. Nobody should. No, nobody should change for someone else.

[00:30:34]If I'm loving the way I am, then praise God.

[00:30:37]>> Yeah, love Exactly. Love me for who I am.

[00:30:39]>> Exactly. Um cuz you at the factors that are important in life. Is your wife healthy? Mhm, exactly. Right? Is she healthy? Other than you maybe being fat phobic, you know, slightly in your mind.

[00:30:52]Not even knowing that you're being fat phobic, but is she healthy? Does she still do the things that she used to do?

[00:30:57]Probably even do them better, you know?

[00:31:00]Is she taking care of those kids?

[00:31:02]Is she happy? Right.

[00:31:04]>> Come on, ask people if they're happy people. I mean [laughter] You know, like ask people Is she happy? Like you said, if you gain the weight, you will be happy. So, imagine not being asked that you're happy about it and being told, "No, no, you have to lose it." And you're like, "No, I don't want to." You know, I'm lucky it happened. So, I'm not going to go back. I'm not going back.

[00:31:21]Not for you, not for a partner, not for a friend, not for a family member, you know? So, I don't think anybody should change for somebody else. Change for you. Yeah. Yeah, have have your time, think about what you want in life, and then change just for you. Exactly.

[00:31:36]>> Cuz if it's for someone else, just imagine, you know, you end up divorcing that man. You know, we're not going to good. We don't wish people, you know, to separate. But just imagine that happens.

[00:31:45]And then the following man is going to ask you to be chubbier. Mhm. Cuz you know, preference, too. Yep. Some men prefer people who are chubbier, some other prefer. So, you will keep changing.

[00:31:56]>> Yeah. For people? No. You have to settle. Yeah, you will need to settle.

[00:32:01]You know, you need to be grounded. This is who I am, this is what I love to be, this is what I love to look like, and I'm healthy, thank God, so I'm good. You know? Yeah.

[00:32:11]Yeah, I think I think that that it is.

[00:32:13]Uh, can we teach? Can we educate our society how they should, you know, talk to people?

[00:32:21]Cuz I think I think it is thing.

[00:32:23]The need Yeah, that we we really need to, but they just need to be kind. Right. They need to be Yeah, I think they need to be very kind um, in the way they speak.

[00:32:35]Uh, you know, we we grew up being told that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

[00:32:42]Right. So whenever you think of what you're about to say and you're like, just I wonder if somebody asked me the same question or if I was in her shoes and I was being told or being asked the same thing, how I would respond. Is that something nice that they're telling me?

[00:32:57]Just Imagine you come to me and you tell me you're hungry and I'm like, listen now, what did you say now?

[00:33:04]Does that sound good to you?

[00:33:06]Now if it doesn't, maybe you shouldn't be saying that to someone else.

[00:33:10]That's basically if I was to say the main thing is just think before you act.

[00:33:16]Think about your questions before you ask them.

[00:33:20]Try not to focus on people's bodies but maybe more on their hearts.

[00:33:24]You know, yeah. And family, stop being harsh.

[00:33:28]You know, with your kids, your partners, you know, just let's have I don't know, a more unified community or village that's very supportive. Because sometimes we're smaller because of our health issues.

[00:33:43]Sometimes we're bigger because of, you know, health issues. And you can there's an easier way or better way to tell me to deal with the health issues if I have any than to just be like, you're fat, you're ugly. You know, if we know each other, you can approach me somewhere, somehow and we can talk about it. How are you? Maybe I'll even get into it and be like, girl, I've been gaining so much weight lately.

[00:34:07]I might get into exactly. But if you straight up come for me and you're like, Now there's no I don't feel like you care. I feel like you're attacking me instead of caring.

[00:34:21]So we need to be very actually very careful with the words that we use or just not use them at all.

[00:34:30]Right. ask me how I'm doing Yeah. And I'll tell you I'm okay or that I'm not okay, and let's go on about our day.

[00:34:36]Yeah. Don't Let's not speak about my body.

[00:34:38]>> Yeah. If you're not going to compliment a person >> pregnant? All of a sudden >> Exactly.

[00:34:42]>> if you're not going to compliment something really good about me, maybe don't say anything. You know, cuz criticism is not good for anyone. But you can have constructive criticism depending on the relationship that we have, and there's a way to go about it.

[00:34:56]>> Right. Yeah. Um for me, I'd say eyes talk.

[00:35:01]You know that, right? Eyes can talk, and I can feel that you are looking at me at certainly different.

[00:35:08]>> And the one thing I've noticed all Yeah.

[00:35:10]Rondos do stare.

[00:35:11]>> Yeah, they do. They will stare you down.

[00:35:15]Yeah.

[00:35:16]>> to toe.

[00:35:16]>> Yep. I sometimes I feel like they're already in my throat. I'm like, how did they get there?

[00:35:20]>> [laughter] >> No, trust me. Even Yeah. You can feel even from behind yourself. You're like, I I I literally feel like they're still looking at me.

[00:35:28]Um but yeah, eyes do talk.

[00:35:29]>> Yeah. They do talk, and I feel like we will we have to if you are not going to compliment me, then don't tell me about any sort of my physics things.

[00:35:43]Like you don't know what I'm going through, and I won't tell you if you start that way.

[00:35:50]>> Yeah, cuz now even if I wanted to share, like I said, exactly, even if I wanted to share, you [clears throat] you harsh.

[00:35:55]You came at me harsh. So I don't feel safe. Exactly.

[00:35:59]>> You're not giving me room or a safe environment to express myself or tell you how I've been feeling, you know?

[00:36:05]>> And for for for actually for for the babies, for the kids that are going through this thing, then parents need to >> Like teenagers.

[00:36:13]>> Yes, the teenagers. And you you said that you were eight. Yeah, it was probably eight.

[00:36:19]>> a baby. And then you were going through that.

[00:36:22]>> the morning, I know.

[00:36:22]>> Oh my god. Super shoe, doing like all these diet things. Yeah, this will help you. But at the point at the time you don't even have boobs yet. So what do you know? How do you even know that I'll be bigger when you know when when I'm older? So I feel like parents need to be part of that village that I was talking about. And they need to leave room.

[00:36:46]And the words you use.

[00:36:50]Yes.

[00:36:51]Yes. Yes. Yes, please.

[00:36:55]When parents are talking to like other parents you hear your own parent being harsher.

[00:37:01]And then they're like, "You should be like" For example, they're like, "You should be like Sunny. Look at Sunny. Sunny Sunny wears beautiful dresses and they look so beautiful on her. Why can't you be like her?"

[00:37:10]And now I have to start thinking, "What what What do you mean I What do you mean I have to be like Sunny?

[00:37:16]So now that's diet, right? So some kids some kids might end up starving themselves. So if you're parent and you're concerned, I don't think you want your kid to starve themselves.

[00:37:24]It's very very difficult to to arrive at the point that you are cuz I'm not there yet. So I do believe it takes time.

[00:37:33]It does take time.

[00:37:34]But you will get there.

[00:37:37]>> [laughter] >> I meant that pay attention to people.

[00:37:40]Like don't harm your people.

[00:37:42]Cuz like there's no way a person your person would heal from the thing that you caused and you love them.

[00:37:53]It doesn't make any sense.

[00:37:55]That's not how you're supposed to be healing. You're supposed to be healing from those same people. They should love you more and you should be healing from other people probably that don't even know you. It makes sense cuz you can't control that. But imagine your person cuz emphasis on your person. Strangers we you know, what can we do?

[00:38:13]It doesn't really matter.

[00:38:16]Yeah. Yeah. I would love to end this session by you telling young people that are going through these things that we went through when we were kids and you know, giving them some love.

[00:38:30]>> [sighs] >> I mean I mean, what can I say? What can I say?

[00:38:36]One thing is for sure. Mhm. If If you're a young person and you're dealing with uh body image, um you're dealing with uh self-acceptance, um one thing is for certain, it may not come naturally, it may not come right away. Um you're going to go through it. Let me not sugarcoat anything. You all going to go through it, but you need a village, which is why previous, you know, before this, we kept talking about parents.

[00:39:08]Parents being there for you. Um if you're a kid and you still have your mom, mostly cuz, you know, it's the girls that go through it. I'm not saying that, you know, boys don't go through it, but it's especially girls that go through it.

[00:39:21]Um I I really hope that for your sake, your mom and you are very tight. Right.

[00:39:27]Because um you're going to need your mother.

[00:39:30]You're going to need your aunties and you're going to need them to understand.

[00:39:34]Um also, don't let people um influence you into thinking that there's a standard when it comes to beauty. Right.

[00:39:44]>> Cuz there isn't. Everybody is beautiful and everybody is created in God's image, they said. Uh so, you're beautiful exactly the way you are. Um you need to learn to love yourself regardless of what everybody else thinks.

[00:39:58]>> Right. Um cuz you know, we love you. God loves you.

[00:40:02]>> Amen. Um and most importantly, we need you to love yourself. Exactly.

[00:40:07]>> Uh it's going to take time, but the more you grow and you keep emphasis on it, even if it means going walking up to the mirror and telling yourself you're beautiful today and you're going to conquer the day, Yeah. Do it. Affirm yourself. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Words of affirmation are very helpful cuz I use them.

[00:40:24]And just be confident in who you are.

[00:40:26]Love yourself. Um you're you're only human. Also, you're still young. You're still young. You don't need to be hearing what's going on, you know, um left and right. Just be you. Love yourself. Reach out to people.

[00:40:40]You know, um your your village, your community. Reach out to people. They will help you.

[00:40:46]Um and I think that's about it.

[00:40:48]I love it. Honestly. I love it. I love it. And and it worked for her. It did work for me. So, I mean Yep. It might work for you. It worked for me. I'm still a work in progress, but you know what? Let's all be a work in progress, but you know, heading towards the better version or the best versions of ourselves instead of, you know, letting people Yep.

[00:41:07]>> bring us down. Yeah. That's a great word and I thank you very much. I think this was a great great session. I don't believe that people are going through this. They will They will relate to us and then they will be telling us down on the comment section. Please please do.

[00:41:26]And tell Nat that you love her. I mean, she's she's very lovable. They should tell you that they love you, too. I mean, tell us you love us. Yes, please cuz we do and wish you a very happy week that's going ahead and thank you very much. Thank you so much for having me.

[00:41:43]I'm hoping you're going to come back. I I hope so, too. This was amazing and please follow Nat on her social medias.

[00:41:50]Yes. Which are Tik Tok. Yeah, I do use Tik Tok, Instagram, and YouTube. They all have the same name. I'm Nat Steers.

[00:42:00]Hopefully, they can tag them below.

[00:42:02]Yeah. Yeah. They should. Thank you so much and see you next Thursday. Bye-bye.

[00:42:07]Mhm.

[00:42:09]Yeah.

[00:42:14]Mhm.

[00:42:22]>> [music] [singing] [music] [singing] >> Now, when you let it in the God's hands, that's [music] when he comes out with a better version of your life.

[00:42:40]Wake up and let's do this. Yeah.