No contact with African parents? Why this is a growing trend (stories from survivors)

追加: 2026-05-11

[00:00:00]I'm noticing a growing trend for the past 3 years. I noticed it a lot more when I was more active on Tik Tok of African millennials, African youths, African Gen Z cutting off their parents. The reason why your adult kid has decided to go no contact with you is less likely about what you did to them as as kids and most likely to do with the continuation of that pattern and that behavior into their adult life. And that is the reason why they don't talk to you. That's the reason why they've gone no contact with you and they're just looking for their own peace and sanity.

[00:00:32]That is the reality cuz kids are quite forgiving.

[00:00:35]Kids are quite forgiving, but the older they get, the more they realize that things are not going to change and they have to protect themselves and protect their own well-being.

[00:00:44]They just have to go no contact. They just have to stop They just have to stop talking to you.

[00:00:47]And majority of the cases is because the parents have not done the job to be better at parenting.

[00:00:53]And they think they can just continue that same pattern and that same behavior and the kid is still going to be a kid and not that adult. Mm-mm. It doesn't fly like that. It's always weird meeting a childless parent because what do you mean your children don't talk to you?

[00:01:05]What did you do to them? Because we know that it's not the child's fault. Like no child just automatically thinks, "I'm not going to talk to them anymore."

[00:01:12]That's not even their second thought when you get into a disagreement with them. So, if you're not talking to your own children and they're not talking to you, you're a psychopath and you need to go see the lady.

[00:01:21]totally or partially. You know how we are how we are raised as Africans, right? He's your parent. The person is This person is still your dad. This person is still your mom. He's your dad.

[00:01:30]He's your mom. She's your mom. Forgive and forget.

[00:01:33]That is wrong.

[00:01:35]That is wrong.

[00:01:37]And that is part of the problem that we have inherited as African youths.

[00:01:43]This idea and I don't think a lot of African youths who are still indoctrinated to automatically give grace to the African boomers and to the African parents. That is how you have been programmed. You have been programmed to put down your own feelings and your own real experiences and pedestalize somebody else just because not because they are repentant but because they are just older than you or just because they are your parent. That automatically means they are absconded from all accountability that they should be held accountable for if that makes any sense. I kind of butcher that those words up but you get what I mean.

[00:02:21]And I hope I don't get too emotional in this video because this is something that I'm very passionate about.

[00:02:28]On this channel I have made it very very clear. I don't give grace to African parents. I don't give grace to African boomers. I don't. I I reserve all my grace for the African youths, for the African millennials, for the African Gen Z because I understand what we are coming up with.

[00:02:43]We had no chance compared to other groups other races out there we have the least opportunities because upon poverty, upon stress we are being layered up with all sort of disciplinary things that are all backward.

[00:02:57]So when I see African youths grow up and they have no contact with their parents anymore I'm like okay cool I get it.

[00:03:05]Because I refuse to ignore still as a grown man the feelings, the thoughts of African youths and African millennials, especially black Africans. I refuse to be that kind of person. I will hear them out because if your child as a parent is going to go no contact with you, you [ __ ] up. It's your fault.

[00:03:23]It's your fault. You did something so egregious consistently over time to that child that the child has some power to take care of themselves they cut you off.

[00:03:36]>> [laughter] >> I told my very Venezuelan trainer that there was like a moment in time where I didn't speak to my mother for like 2 years. You could just see the I just in her eyes. You know, she was like I I could never do And I was like, yeah, I understand that.

[00:03:54]I'm West African, like that is not the norm. And when I tell other Africans, they're like very horrified and white people sometimes in general. Some white people get it, and others is, you know.

[00:04:05]But the fact of the matter is is that I am my mother's daughter, and we it defines like you cannot have two queens in a castle, but sometimes in families, you have to fight for respect, you know.

[00:04:20]in their strength, in their they can just be rigid, and they can believe whatever it is believe. And sometimes that's great to be firm in what it is that you believe, and sometimes it's oppressive. And every day I show my family that I can get it done. I'm no contact with my mom, and a few videos before I talked about my uncle and how he called me on behalf of my mom to ask for us coming to his party. And so, I thought it'd be okay if I contacted him on behalf of myself to tell my mom to stop contacting me, stop sending me stuff in the mail, etc. I do want to preface this, I love my uncle, no fault to him at all. He's wonderful. He's been neutral throughout the whole thing because obviously that's his sister, and I get it. I really do. But I texted him Mother's Day night, like a few days after I got this postcard in the mail from my mom asking him if he could tell her to stop using my address and stop contacting me. He talks to her, and I figured if he was contacting me on behalf of her, he would contact her and say that.

[00:05:18]Didn't respond. So, like 24 hours later, I text him and I said, thanks, because like maybe you just forgot to text Maybe you just forgot to text back. Like I don't know what it is.

[00:05:26]So, then he called me, and he's just saying that he's like not comfortable with telling her that, and it was on Mother's Day and stuff like that, and he didn't really want to like, I guess, be in it, basically. And I just said, oh, okay, I didn't know. Like you didn't text back. And I guess he was just like kind of sitting on the text message.

[00:05:41]And so, yeah, cool. I love communication. Thank you for telling me that. Um, but yeah, I don't know if he ended up telling her or not. I kind of just said, "Yeah, just forget it. Like, whatever. We'll just find another way to communicate this or cuz she's not getting it." I know someone Some people had commented on my last post and said like they would just move away from where I live so she couldn't have my address anymore, but that's a lot. Like, we do own this house and we've lived here for like almost 4 years now.

[00:06:07]I don't know. And honestly, the way my mom is, she would 100% find my new address regardless. Like, she used to work for like the county and she would always like she was a literal investigator. So, she knows how to find people's address and stuff like that. I mean, it's all, you know, it's all out there anyway.

[00:06:23]But, yeah. So, that's where I'm at.

[00:06:26]And I'm going to say something. I don't judge African parents and African boomers by when they're old. Because of course you're nice. Of course you're everybody's going to look at You're old.

[00:06:35]You need support. I judge African boomers and African parents based on how they treated their children when they were young.

[00:06:42]When they had the power. When they had the money. When they had the authority.

[00:06:47]How did you treat your children?

[00:06:49]I'm very glad that there is currently a dialogue um, going on about financial abuse, especially in African households.

[00:06:59]I remember back in the day when I was on Twitter, when I would try and speak about um, financial abuse, I would get a lot of backlash. Um, I guess in hindsight, someone who's been financially abused would be triggered if you're telling them that the way their parent is treating them is abuse.

[00:07:18]Um, I remember I must have tweeted once that like your parents shouldn't be asking you for your SFE. Like, that's your money. And uproar. Literally, people quote tweeting me saying, "You're [ __ ] ungrateful."

[00:07:32]Um, mind you, my parents have never done this to me, but um, they were saying that, you know, you should give your parents whatever they need and all of that stuff. And it's just like there's so many crazy stories about how people's parents will just take all of their money because they need it, but it's like what were you How were you coping before your child was getting money?

[00:07:56]A lot of people's parents are taking the absolute piss out of them when it comes to money. Why is your parent getting 80 or 90% of that of your salary?

[00:08:04]That's not right, and it's not your duty as a child to basically fix the household's finances.

[00:08:11]That's something for your parents to do at the end of the day. I don't care if you're if you're if you're 18 years old or if you're 30 years old, like it's not your responsibility.

[00:08:19]Obviously, if you can afford to contribute to the household, then yeah, you should, but like your parents should not be taking 90% of your salary.

[00:08:26]Putting chili or ginger inside your daughter's or son's private part just because he didn't not listen to one of your instructions is kind of tapped. I'm not going to lie. Some of us need to talk about the sort of abuse they've experienced as a child because bro, when I hear some of the stories that my [ __ ] tell me, I can't lie. That's when I deep as a community, we actually need to sit down and think, yo, our parents are actually very, very much tapped. I don't know if you've noticed, but um uh the children born in '99 to 2003 or 5, they leave the house very, very quick. Most of them don't even speak to their parents anymore. They've cut them off because of all the emotional abuse they've experienced. That's very dark.

[00:09:09]And as a community, I hope that um we can actually reflect on what our parents have done in the past and actually be better people. What I'm going to say is I'm very glad my mom did not do that to me. You get? And as a community, I hope you sit down and reflect on our parents' actions and uh just try and be better.

[00:09:25]My mother was obsessed with the idea that no one would marry her only daughter if they found out that her only daughter was a victim of rape by men in the community. She didn't want the other men in our community to look at me differently because the men, their peers, are sexual deviants. I'm not saying all, but it's just funny to me how she was trying to protect me so I could still get married to a Ghanaian man in my community from the reality that some of their peers assaulted me as a child.

[00:10:00]And I have a video pinned that's when the vagina checks started and that's when she kind of regulated my body even more. My mother did everything in her power to make me feel like [ __ ] about all aspects of my body and it definitely affected my last relationship and how I viewed myself.

[00:10:22]When you're bossing your kids all the time, Mhm?

[00:10:26]When you're ignoring your children all the time, when you're silencing your kids all the time, especially the African girls, cuz I see a lot of African girls say, "I don't talk to my parents anymore. I don't talk to my mother anymore." We need to talk to African mothers as well.

[00:10:40]Because a lot of you African mothers are the upholders of some of the most abusive beliefs and some of the most abusive behaviors.

[00:10:47]To you African mothers, I'm going to make a separate dedicated video to African mothers because I'm going to call you out on your [ __ ] as well.

[00:10:54]A lot of you African mothers are the defenders of pedos.

[00:10:58]A lot of you African mothers knew that your husband is a is a is a sick man, a sick man.

[00:11:04]A sexual deviant. You knew.

[00:11:07]You knew. Hey, can I ask you something?

[00:11:10]Why does it seem easier for families to silence the victim rather than holding the abuser accountable? And I'm asking this question because it seems like a lot of family members, particularly female family members, tend to protect um their relatives that are abusers and often time kind of coerce the victim into staying in that situation One day they are aware that their family member is an abuser. And then the worst thing that I've seen is that they're kind of like denying that the abuse is happening or they're avoiding looking at the abuse because if they admit that the abuse is happening, that they might have to come reconcile that their family member is not a good person. And then what they do next reflects exactly who they are. So if you acknowledge that somebody is not a good person and you continue to hold community with them, are you also a good person? Could it be like a cultural norm where you are expecting like certain gender roles and everybody in that family, every woman in that family has been abused? So now they're conditioned to think that that's normal and that that's just how the male abusers in their family are. So they accept that abuse. So when they see a new victim, rather than helping them, they're kind of saying like, "Well, that's the price of being married or that's the price of being in a relationship and everybody goes through that. What makes you special? Um you're not a victim. This is something that everybody goes through." Do you also recognize that this person is unsafe, so you're kind of scared for your safety that they might retaliate and that violence may now be directed towards you. And something that I've seen a lot also is like that victim blaming where like somebody would be a victim of the abuse and the family would ask, "Well, what did you do to provoke them? Well, maybe if you just don't do this, they won't hit you." And I find this behavior to be very disgusting and I'm phrasing this question directly towards like women um cuz I really want to get to the bottom of it, like why some family members refuse to hold their relatives who are abusers accountable. And again, if you choose to engage in this conversation, please be like mindful in the comments. Remember that these are real people behind these comments that we're talking to. And if you enjoy more like discussion-based questions like this, please make sure you hit the follow button. And when your daughter came to you and say, "Hey, Mommy, this this that daughter." In fact, from what I'm even what what I've been gathering, some of these African women are even saying that, "Yo, my mother hated me because my dad touched me inappropriately. My mother treated me as the bad guy.

[00:13:30]Despite the fact that I was six, I was 10, I was 11, I was 15. I saw videos of African girls say, "Oh, my mother hated me."

[00:13:38]I remember when I was hosting a a Tik Tok live stream on this topic.

[00:13:42]It's actually one of my most performing videos, by the way. I'm going to put the link there below in the description below. Go check it out.

[00:13:47]This girl said, "Look, my mother hated me." I was like, "What do you mean your mother hated me? It hated you." Cuz I could not I could not fathom this.

[00:13:54]I could not fathom it.

[00:13:56]How could a mother hate a child?

[00:13:58]But remember, guys, I don't automatically side anymore with the parents just because cuz I've deprogram my mind, as you should, too. A lot of African youths have to learn to start deprogramming their mind to stop falling into the dogma that we were raised to fall into.

[00:14:13]It makes no sense, in my opinion.

[00:14:16]If that makes any sense. You have to deprogram your mind, ladies and gentlemen.

[00:14:20]I said, "What What do you mean your mother hated you? What does that even mean?" And she explained it to me. I was like, "Shit."

[00:14:25]That is why I also give grace to the African women.

[00:14:28]To the African millennial girl, to the African millennial lady.

[00:14:32]To the Gen Z the African Gen Z because I understand, man.

[00:14:36]If we as African men are carrying one, they are carrying 10 because she's a woman. Because we got to understand, in the African context, it's still it's still very very patriarchal.

[00:14:44]I don't give grace to African parents. I don't give grace to African boomers because you knew. I don't I don't like this We need to stop treating We need to stop infantilizing African boomers. They knew better. They just didn't want to do it. They knew better. God damn it. They knew.

[00:14:57]They knew better. They just didn't want to do it.

[00:15:00]We need to stop infantilizing African parents. We need to stop infantilizing African boomers because that is the only In my opinion, that is where it starts.

[00:15:08]We need to stop giving grace to African parents and African boomers as a collective. We need to start holding them accountable purely for what they've done and what they didn't do. Simple.

[00:15:16]That's it.

[00:15:17]Have you seen the way other communities hold themselves accountable, bro? Is it Is it Is it a Is it a shock that the communities that hold the the relevant people accountable are far along better than us as black Africans?

[00:15:30]I don't give grace to African boomers and African parents. That much is very clear.

[00:15:35]Because there's Because the reason I don't give grace to African parents and African boomers is because they don't give us grace.

[00:15:42]It's only fair, no?

[00:15:43]It's only fair.

[00:15:45]When was the last time African parents were like, "Oh yeah, it's okay. I understand." No.

[00:15:49]They will compare you to your peers.

[00:15:51]They will compare you to the neighbor's child. They will compare you to their to their friend's child. And they will tell you why you are If they can do that to us, why can't we do it to them, too? You suck, too.

[00:16:00]In fact, you you are the suckiest of the sucky.

[00:16:03]Because the European boomer has done something. The Asian boomer has done something. The Latino boomer has done something. The Arab boomer has definitely done something. What have you done? Absolutely nothing. [ __ ] off.

[00:16:13]You've done nothing for us.

[00:16:16]So, if you can compare us to our peers that you always love to do, we can also compare you to your peers. It's only fair.

[00:16:22]It's only fair.

[00:16:24]It's only fair.

[00:16:25]So, it doesn't surprise me that more and more African youths are cutting off their parents. In fact, I don't I don't I don't even react.

[00:16:34]Cuz I get it.

[00:16:36]Because a lot of us forget a lot of a lot of African parents and African boomers. You traumatized your kid, bro.

[00:16:41]You were not You did not raise disciplined children. You raised scared children.

[00:16:47]And this is this is this is the this is what a lot of African parents and African boomers love to do that I I hate. They like to compare children in Africa and children in the West.

[00:16:56]Talking about children in the West are are not as disciplined as children in Africa. Who told you that?

[00:17:01]That is a lie from the pit of The average child The average Western child All right? The average Western child Pick any Western country.

[00:17:13]Be they black Western, white Western, Asian Western. The black or white or Asian Western child who's born and raised in the West with a Western mentality is more disciplined than the average African child. Let me tell them Let me tell you why.

[00:17:28]Because we can see the rewards. We can see the behavior.

[00:17:32]The average African child raised under very typical African parenting style doesn't become disciplined.

[00:17:41]A lot of them become subdued.

[00:17:44]A lot of African children do not grow up this to become disciplined people.

[00:17:49]Because you cannot give what you don't have. How How can African parents and African boomers claim that they are raising disciplined children and our country is in chaos? You cannot disconnect how the country is being run from the boomers because the boomers run the country.

[00:18:05]So, if African boomers and African parents are saying, "I am raising disciplined children," why is the environment that this child is being raised IN SO [ __ ] CHAOTIC?

[00:18:16]IT DOESN'T ADD UP. And it pisses me off because African boomers get away with saying these kind of things because it's illogical. It makes no sense. It makes no goddamn sense. But, they they get away with saying this kind of stuff because in Africa, we just have to accept whatever comes out of the mouth of the older people because they're older.

[00:18:34]Have you noticed that in Africa, we just accept anything?

[00:18:37]When you're old, especially an old man or older man, hey, what you say is law, bro. That's not true.

[00:18:45]The Western child is more disciplined than the African child because the West is more disciplined than Africa. IT IS SIMPLE LIKE THAT. IF YOU COMPARE the African child, do you know a part of the reason why the West is developed is because the children have been trained to express themselves. The children have been trained in the West, your voice matters. That is why if you compare an average 5-year-old African child and you compare an average 5-year-old Western child, they are not the same people. The Western child is often more expressive, more more outspoken. People you see you see people who are mature listen to the child.

[00:19:20]Is it if the child is saying something they're being heard?

[00:19:24]They don't tell the child to shut up.

[00:19:26]When was the last time you I I GREW UP IN the West.

[00:19:29]For the most part.

[00:19:31]The child is allowed to speak. The child is allowed to express themselves.

[00:19:35]You think that doesn't build a child's confidence up compared to the African child? I know what I'm talking about because it happened to me.

[00:19:42]How do African parents treat the treat the children when they when they're young? Shut up. Go to your room.

[00:19:48]When adults are talking, don't talk. You think that's discipline? You are conditioning your child to be subservient.

[00:19:55]That is Is it a shock that across black African countries, particularly Nigeria, is it a surprise that despite the fact that Nigeria has a very large young population, they are largely docile?

[00:20:06]Is it a shock that despite the fact that Nigeria has a large young population, we are largely docile?

[00:20:14]Because that is how we've been raised from childhood.

[00:20:17]Take that parenting style. Now, add Okay, on top of that socials on on top of that parenting style, layer upon that, okay? Layer upon that religion.

[00:20:28]Okay? Layer Christianity or African Christianity. Layer that on top of that.

[00:20:34]Where God is all-knowing, everything is in God's hand, God God God God. Your opinions doesn't matter because it's God's will.

[00:20:41]Layer on Islam, which is even more rigid.

[00:20:44]And the type of Islam that Africans practice is always the backwards one.

[00:20:48]BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY TO ME. YOU PEOPLE piss me the [ __ ] off. I swear to God.

[00:20:51]You Nigerian Muslims piss me the [ __ ] off. I swear to God. WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS EVER practice the Islam that is progressive? Because I saw I saw the royal family I saw the royal family of Jordan.

[00:21:04]They are Muslim.

[00:21:06]Why can't you guys practice the Islam that is aligned with development like the Gulf region? Why is your Islam always for killing and terrorism?

[00:21:15]You Nigerian Muslims piss me the [ __ ] off. I swear to God. But that's that's a Man, I have like four video ideas just from this rant.

[00:21:22]You see how my brain works, man?

[00:21:25]You guys piss me off genuinely.

[00:21:27]Why can't you guys build a a United Arab Emirates in northern Nigeria? Why Why can't you guys build a Jordan? Why can't you guys use your Islam I'm not against Islam. Do whatever you want to do. But why can't you guys just use the Islam that works and grows?

[00:21:40]Why is everything with Nigerian Muslims so [ __ ] backward? I swear to God you guys piss me off, man.

[00:21:45]It's always sharia you guys The Gulf region that you guys think you emulate, they are more progressive. They're doing development.

[00:21:52]I just saw a I just saw a video of Saudi Arabia looking to build some some mega project. United Arab Emirates is always building something. Qatar is always doing something. Um um um you know, Jordan is always doing something.

[00:22:05]Kuwait is always doing something.

[00:22:06]They're all Muslims.

[00:22:08]Even Saudi Arabia that you guys love so much, they're always doing progressive stuff, developmental stuff.

[00:22:14]But why are Nigerian Muslim a black African Muslim?

[00:22:17]Why are you guys so [ __ ] [ __ ] For God's sake.

[00:22:21]Like look at northern Nigeria. All you guys ever think about is marry many wives, sharia law, and kill infidels.

[00:22:28]That's all you got Anyway, that I'm I'm I'm I'm moving away from the point. You guys piss me off, man. I swear to God.

[00:22:36]Like do you know how Do you know how dope it would be Do you know how dope it would be to have a Nigeria like the north kind of look like United Arab Emirates developed, structured, clean with your Islam. Do your thing. Nobody is panicking. And the south The south is already kind of developed compared to the to the north. Like could you imagine having all that in Nigeria, bro? That That be so dope.

[00:23:01]That would be so dope. In fact, you would convert more people to Islam that way. I swear to God.

[00:23:07]I swear to God.

[00:23:09]If northern Nigeria was developing with your you know you you follow your religion, your strict with your religion, but you were developing, you were growing, you were scaling, you were industrializing, do you know how many Nigerians would become is become Muslims just because of that?

[00:23:22]Cuz you cuz you're going to communicate to them that oh, we are we are Muslim, we are developing, we are growing, we are peaceful, we are kind. People will come to you. But you do nothing. All you guys ever do is Sharia law. Like there's there's a group in Nigeria right now, they are advocating for Sharia law.

[00:23:38]I think in Zamfara state, which is the core north, one of the poorest states in Nigeria.

[00:23:43]They're advocating for Sharia law.

[00:23:45]They're poor, though. They are poor.

[00:23:47]They are poor. Okay? They're they're they're they're a welfare state essentially in Nigeria, but they're fighting for Sharia law.

[00:23:55]That's besides the point.

[00:23:57]So when African kids cut off their parents, I don't blame them. I understand. And I'm going to say this to the African boomers if you're watching this. Don't forget your children are going to grow.

[00:24:05]I still remember some of the harsh things that I experienced as a child.

[00:24:09]Now, I love my parents. I speak very highly of my parents. They were not perfect.

[00:24:13]But when I compare my parents to other African parents, I think I was lucky.

[00:24:17]Because I have seen things that I'm like, holy [ __ ] man.

[00:24:20]Cuz I heard stories.

[00:24:22]I'm going to try and play a couple of clips from the video that I I made I think last year or 2 years ago to show you guys it's a thing.

[00:24:30]Especially from the African woman child.

[00:24:32]She's cutting off her pa- she's cutting off her mom.

[00:24:34]A lot more.

[00:24:36]Cuz a lot of African women African women African mothers, African female boomers, you guys, you are a upholder of abuse.