WHY FAMILIES DRIFT AFTER A MATRIARCH DIES

Added: 2026-05-14

[00:00:00]You you will have skin rubbed off. What happened to your jeans and and chaps? I tell you one thing. I'm not going to have my cooch naked cooch up on the bare back of nothing.

[00:00:14]>> Hi friends of the twins. Welcome back to our channel.

[00:00:19]>> Well, well, how are you all doing? We hope that you all are doing well on this beautiful Tuesday.

[00:00:27]>> Tuesday. Yes, >> your girls are out and about.

[00:00:32]>> We out and about in these ATL streets.

[00:00:35]>> We're just piddling.

[00:00:36]>> Yep. We're just piddling around. Like I said, uh told y'all earlier, you know, when we get out, it's our Wooaw moment.

[00:00:43]>> Mhm.

[00:00:43]>> We get out to Woo and to see what we can see.

[00:00:48]>> Welcome, welcome, welcome to the month of May.

[00:00:52]>> Yes. Happy May. It feels good today.

[00:00:55]It's in the >> lower >> lower 80s. Yes.

[00:00:58]>> Uh it's been kind of cool the past couple of nights though. That's that's been kind of surprising. But we did have uh two good days of rain. And Baddy and I, of course, we finished our garden, so that helped.

[00:01:10]>> I know. Last year they gave me squash.

[00:01:13]The squash was a nice size, too. I love squash. Now, she doesn't eat squash.

[00:01:18]>> I love squash. But um you know it used to be early on in our marriage like we've been together 30 years. I would kind of steer away from cooking certain things because I knew that Sugi wasn't going to eat them. But I don't do that anymore. Now I'll have squash >> and then in turn, of course, I'll have something that he likes too. But uh >> yeah.

[00:01:42]>> Yeah. But thank y'all. I want to say thank you for all of the support on our last one of the last videos that we did talking about our sweet little grandmama and things that we regret. Thank you so much for all the comments and all of the love that you showed us uh in that video. We really appreciate it. And that kind of brings us to today's topic.

[00:02:09]Yeah, y'all.

[00:02:11]Now that big mama is gone, the family is just not the same.

[00:02:17]>> Why is that?

[00:02:19]>> Please, >> well, you know, >> leave us a comment. Tell us why you feel, if you feel that after the grandmother, the matriarch, >> the patriarchs, >> or the patriarchs, >> the elders, >> the elders passed away in the family, why why does the family dynamic change so much?

[00:02:40]Well, one for one reason like to me is this, you know, big mama was the glue >> for all the children and >> all the everything. Yeah.

[00:02:52]>> Yeah. She is the one everyone if if you if you didn't do anything else, you would find your way to house on Sunday for dinner and you know, it was like a family tradition. So, but I think the biggest difference that I see now is that after Big Mama dies, the grandmama dies, no one kind of picks up where she left off.

[00:03:18]You may have a couple of couple of elders, but but not really. Um, >> now I wouldn't consider myself an elder yet, but I guess I could be. I mean, I don't know what what these IQ is probably They've been saying that we were old when we were 40. We were old as >> Methus to them. You're old as >> Yeah. So, so, but there is a generation that's still living. Of course, my mom's generation uh that's still here.

[00:03:48]uh my aunt and uncles and I guess out of our family, our little immediate family, my grandmother's children that I would be the one that kind of pulls everybody together.

[00:04:03]>> Yeah, Shondaanda is >> a little bit more than >> Shondaanda's the one that, you know, is always hosting something. I said I'm going to do more of that, too. But Shondaanda is has been the one in our immediate family that always, you know, was always hosting something no matter whether it's holidays or just get together during the summer, all of that.

[00:04:23]So, >> you know, I when I do it, I I never did it with the thought of taking over where our grandmother took, you know, left off. I just have always loved to get together. I love I'm a party person, but party person doesn't mean going to a nightclub. You know, we have had birthday parties, end of school parties for the children, >> anniversary parties, we've had little pool parties, >> what we call little uh celebration parties, like accomplishments with the kids, >> you know, >> we just I I have always >> We didn't really need a reason.

[00:05:03]>> Well, yeah, that's what I was about to say. I have always just created a reason for us to get together and I think what has happened now is that it's kind of expected and I love that. I love that. I was speaking with my little cousin the other day. Well, she's not little cousin but y'all know I'm about 12 years older than her, but I have always felt like she was my other daughter. And she called me and she wants to have a cookout and I said, "Okay, great. Let's let's do it. Let's do it." And I said, "Just give me all the details. Tell me what you want me to do." She said, "Well, first of all," she said, "I want to do it at your house." And I just laughed. I laughed so hard. But she has a beautiful house with, you know, the space and the yard and all that. She said, "No, but I want to do it at your house." And I just laughed and that's fine. We can do it wherever. So, >> I guess kind of the same with now that Big Mom is gone, like the family kind of is not as close. is it's it's kind I can kind of see that with our immediate family because once Shondaanda and I stop hosting things like I don't see I can't tell which kid would be the one to >> take up the torch like I don't see >> out of our children yeah I don't know I don't know >> none of them I don't see any of them picking up the torch now do they enjoy it >> yes >> they do immensely >> and if there's any kind of deviation from what they're used to for the holidays, Christmas get togethers, Thanksgiving, all if there's any kind of deviation. Are they going to raise the roof about it?

[00:06:39]>> Yes.

[00:06:40]>> But I don't I don't even see I don't I don't see it in either one of our kids to like pick up the torch that, >> you know, and and in thinking about it, I don't know if it's just there's such a huge difference in the way that the world moves now. I think that has a lot to do with it.

[00:07:03]Everything just tends to move so fast and people just don't make time to get together with families and do things like they used to do. I remember back in the day, of course, you going to grandmama's house on Sunday. We would have to start on Saturday sometimes because we had to go with my grandmama to the store, the grocery store, and get all of her stuff together on Saturday.

[00:07:32]And then Sunday, we would go to church.

[00:07:34]After Sunday church, we would go to the house. Of course, there's dinner and we'd always end up with some kind of dancing. My grandmama love to dance.

[00:07:45]>> So, there'll be dancing. It'd be some type of movie. and people are coming in and out, cousins and uncles and aunts and and all of that. But now and of course the economy was different back then. Now people have to work two and three jobs just to >> just to maintain >> just to maintain >> the same level standard of living.

[00:08:07]>> It's not that they trying to get above or beyond or what they trying to just maintain. And I think with the way that the world moves now, sometimes that even does not allow for you to get together like you might want to.

[00:08:20]>> Yeah. But like I I feel like that. But >> Big Mama was also the glue.

[00:08:27]>> She was the glue.

[00:08:27]>> If if there was any kind of rift in the family, she could bring them all together. She would call you and let you know, I'm expecting to see you Sunday.

[00:08:37]>> Fix it. And then the one that you're beefing with in the family, your cousin, whoever, call them. Hey baby, am I gonna see you Sunday? And how you going to tell her no? So you know, you going to come together at her house and then she's expecting y'all to squash that.

[00:08:54]And because you love her, honor her, respect her, you know, she had she had a way of of making you see that whatever y'all's little beef was, you know, it was it was nothing to it. And you need cuz she going to let you know that y'all were family and y'all got to be loving to each other.

[00:09:14]>> But not not only, you know, our grandmama, even our great aunts when they were living.

[00:09:19]>> Yeah.

[00:09:20]>> You know, it was just to me it was just so much better. I just remember and I I miss actually going to the friends and family day at church for for this cousin or or that aunt or whoever and everybody getting together.

[00:09:35]>> It was kind of like a little competition.

[00:09:37]>> It was Yeah.

[00:09:38]>> You know, you wanted you you wanted to show up and show out for your grandma and your great aunt. So you want to make sure that she had a strong showing of family members to come in that church behind her because Sister Johnson over here, she pl you may have 20.

[00:09:53]>> So then you got to make sure you got 30 to show up cuz cuz your big mama, your great aunt, you know, it's just like a a good friendly competition.

[00:10:02]>> And you know, with with the loss of your grandmothers and and grandfathers, also family reunions left.

[00:10:12]>> Mhm.

[00:10:13]I haven't been to a I don't even know who would put a family reunion together if if I don't know.

[00:10:22]>> Big mama's gone. Big mama's brothers and sisters are gone. A lot of big mama's kids are gone. So it's like the elders, the ones that really really held your family together, they're all gone. And y'all, let's just be honest and keep it real. when when they when they pass on it it's it a lot of times it changes and it shifts the the dynamics in the family and like even in our family I just don't I don't feel you know that we are as close as we used to be you know >> and it is there's no there's no >> beef anywhere there's you know it's just like the glue that held us all together some of my grandma's kids have passed you know my mom's brothers and things.

[00:11:12]So once once that that happens, the family just sometimes comes undone. I think with uh again I mean I I've always felt that the farther we get away from the civil rights movement and all of those things the worse off our community has kind of been >> because back then those elders and sisters and brothers and all that they knew and they felt that they were all they had >> and they were better if They stuck together >> and did things together. Maintaining the the the house, the land, taking care of the animals, growing the vegetables, staying in church on Sunday. It was expected for everybody to be in church on Sunday. You didn't have an excuse. So, you know, they had a lot of segregationist things that kept them from doing certain things. You can't go. I can remember our grandma talking about even back going to the dentist. My mom had kind of mentioned this too.

[00:12:26]>> These people went through this door and you had to go around the building and go in this door. And that was for the doctor, the dentist, blah blah blah blah. There was just a lot of doors >> that that kept them separated from a lot of things. But that didn't make any difference cuz our folks did their own thing like all of kept us separated from them, >> but it didn't keep us separated from each other. And that's the part that I miss. I miss all of that. You were expected to go to church. You we were expected to go to the weekly revival. We were expected to be come and go to the grocery store throat with her on Saturday. You just had expectations as a family that there wasn't a second thought about whether you were going to do it or not. Now, >> when we were younger, we could always anticipate that on the 4th of July, which was my >> uncle's birthday, >> he was born on the 4th of July.

[00:13:30]>> We could plan our calendar in January, and there were two events that we knew were going to be on there. One was that on the 4th of July, there was going to be the biggest cookout and get together on the whole block.

[00:13:47]>> Mhm. And it will be at my grandma's house for her son, our uncle's birthday.

[00:13:54]And for this event, it was expected for all of our cousins to come, >> all of the siblings to come, all of the friends to ride by, at least blow the horn, stop by. Oh, hey. Haven't seen you since last year. Just friends that were in the neighborhood, grew up with him.

[00:14:15]Mhm. Friends of my grandmothers, even people that didn't have anything to do with the celebration, you might get on the phone. Well, I'm going to be at my grandma's house today. You stop stop by.

[00:14:29]We cooking out. I mean, and there would be just cars everywhere.

[00:14:33]>> We referenced in the other video, we was talking about how much we missed our grandma that she always loved and enjoyed. Our great aunt, too. They loved and enjoyed when the cars would be down the block. When they would have a crowd of people at their house, the cars just down the block. But we could always anticipate >> the Fourth of July birthday bash for my uncle. And y'all, when we were younger, you could just about say for certain that there would be a family reunion during the summer. Now, that was when we were younger, but >> like family reunions, I don't even really see a whole lot of people wearing the family reunion t-shirts anymore. And you would have your t-shirt, you be proud to rep your grandma and your granddad's last name, you know, the family name and all of that. But, >> well, other than the family reunions, you had Mother's Day. You were expected to come >> and you were going to be there.

[00:15:32]>> And what other day?

[00:15:33]>> Easter.

[00:15:34]>> Yeah, cuz see now Mother's Day. Oh my gosh. We had missed Mother's Day.

[00:15:39]>> My grandmother had to walk in the church with all of her children and grandchildren and everybody. You didn't have you. It wasn't even a thought as to whether you were going or not.

[00:15:52]>> And how many of y'all can remember walking in church, you wore a white rose if your mom was deceased?

[00:16:01]>> Deceased. And what color if she was living? Red.

[00:16:05]>> Red. red rose if your mother was living.

[00:16:09]>> So we made sure our grandma had her beautiful flower up on her lapel and and she wanted all of the kids there because the pastor they would say they would recognize the mothers.

[00:16:21]>> The mothers all the mothers in the house stand up. My grandmama would jump up and of course we have dressed her. She is sharp as attack. She's standing up and she has her big white flower on her lapel and she looking good. And he was say, "Okay, Miss Ma'am, you get you your children here with you?" "Oh, yeah. Yeah." And she she we knew then to stand up. And they like, "All right. Well, amen. Amen. Bless you.

[00:16:52]Bless y'all." And boy, she would absolutely love it. And y'all, so would we. Mhm.

[00:16:59]>> Then she get home and she call her sister and she says, "Oo, I had a crowd.

[00:17:04]I had a crowd."

[00:17:05]>> And my great aunt would say, "Well, I did too. All my children." So they they just they were the ones that held >> the family together.

[00:17:15]>> They were the glue. And now And now that they're gone, it is just definitely not the same. friends of the twins. You can't even hardly get cousins to come together anymore, much less your neighbor. Now, we got you got a lot of that. That's just one that's one dynamic about it is with these generations that have come after us. I do feel like >> technology is a beautiful and wonderful thing. It has advanced a lot of things.

[00:17:48]It has advanced the way that you work a job. It has advanced a lot in of the treatments that you receive in healthcare. And we could go on and on and on. But one thing that it has been a detriment to is the family dynamic.

[00:18:06]>> Family dynamic.

[00:18:08]>> You know, like the younger generation >> or even just socialization.

[00:18:11]>> Socialization period. I sit and I watch my kids like Shondaanda and I, we have told y'all before that we don't meet strangers. And so when we say that, all we mean is that we are open and friendly to meeting new people. As we are out and about, it does not cost a thing to say hello to someone.

[00:18:35]>> Be kind, smile, match a smile when someone smiles at you.

[00:18:39]>> But this generation, they don't do that.

[00:18:41]They don't talk. They mainly have their heads in a phone on some kind of computer device or something. PE, they don't talk to one another.

[00:18:50]>> They don't go on dates. Everything is a kickback. Everybody, the groups of guys and groups of girls, they meet up and they just doing a kickback. Even for for proms and school dances, they don't really take dates. They this group of girls will go together, this group of guys will go together, and then they just it's it's like nobody's they have no level of attachment or nothing to each other.

[00:19:19]>> You know, one one of our friends of the twins, I just had a similar conversation with her, Jean. She was saying that she and her husband were talking about this exact same thing. They were saying how, you know, you don't even really have like family reunions anymore and it seems like family is just not as close as they used to be.

[00:19:40]>> I don't know. I just think it's just it's just the way that society is going.

[00:19:45]Like people don't care about one another like how they used to. Do y'all remember back in the day? I know for us if you were playing five houses down the street and you got in trouble by the time you got home, you had already gotten three or four whoopings cuz you got a whooping at the house.

[00:20:04]>> It happened that. And then you got to whooping at the next house. And then you got to get to your house. And when your grandmama or mom learned that somebody had to reprimand you for acting up, you got a whooping for embarrassing them. So you done had three, four butt whooping before you could even make it home. But when you think when you think back on it, to me those were just signs that somebody loved you, somebody was looking out for you, >> somebody was watching out for you.

[00:20:37]>> Because if you know there would be plenty of times like when we were younger, >> if um if we should need something before we make it home, you didn't really have any problem asking your friend's mom or being scared to ask.

[00:20:51]They really expected you to let them know what you were going through so that they could help you.

[00:20:57]>> So that there's that village. You just felt like you had that whole village.

[00:21:00]But >> people don't people, like I say, you have neighbors that live together for years and don't even speak to one another. That kind of thing. It's just it's just crazy. And like we're from Georgia, from the south.

[00:21:15]We are used to waving, saying hello.

[00:21:18]Oh my gosh, the number of people now. I just get tickled. People look at you like you crazy. Like these >> Well, you can always speak to me.

[00:21:27]>> You can always tell when you run into somebody that was born and raised here in metro Atlanta as opposed to somebody that has moved here.

[00:21:41]>> Here it There is a difference. There is a difference. There really is >> some southern hospitality.

[00:21:50]Yeah, I have I have I have run into people who will complain about being here in Georgia, metro Atlanta. They will say people aren't here with so much so much for that southern hospitality. These people here aren't really nice. They d and when you get to the root of it, they're dealing with people who were not born and raised here. like true southerners are still friendly, don't really meet strangers, you know.

[00:22:20]But I had a similar conversation about that when we were talking about the Houston rodeo and all the things that were going on, you know, the women being so scandaly clad and all of that. And some of the young ladies, I had several of the young ladies in the comments to tell me that the true Houstononians, those were not the ones that were represented out there. They were not the ones running around half naked, people that were really from Houston that really participated in the rodeo and all that.

[00:22:55]That is not what we were seeing. What we were seeing was the ones that had come into town for the rodeo, you know. So, and that would make sense because the ones that lived there and were born there and were very familiar with the Houston rodeo, they know it's a family event.

[00:23:14]>> And I think some of the people that were traveling there to come to the rodeo, all they were thinking about is that it was a socialization and gathering place, maybe to meet another adult. They I don't think they even thought about the family aspect and kids would be there. I also think they were piggybacking off of Beyonce's Renaissance tour probably.

[00:23:36]>> You know, they were to me they were dressed like they were going to Beyonce.

[00:23:40]>> Well, you know, everything is is got to be done for the gram. Yeah. You know, everything now is so rushed and done to the extreme cuz it has to be Instagram worthy. And so, yeah, >> but you don't have to be booty butt bald everywhere you go. Mm-m.

[00:23:55]>> And so they took their naked behinds right on out there to this familyfriendly car almost carnival-l like atmosphere >> and we talked about like >> and and and so so bested in the outfits.

[00:24:09]I'm telling you, it just reminded me of Beyonce's Renaissance.

[00:24:12]>> And the thing, let let me just say this right quick cuz we don't want to keep going too far backwards into that video.

[00:24:18]But the thing about it is the outfits that they had on or the lack thereof.

[00:24:23]You can't ride a horse with that stuff on you. You You would have skin rubbed off. What happened to your jeans and and chaps? I tell you one thing, I'm not going to have my cooch naked cooch up on the bare back of nothing.

[00:24:43]>> It ain't happening. That's the thing.

[00:24:46]>> That's how you know.

[00:24:47]>> You got to protect the cooch at all >> time. No, you going to put your naked cooch up on the back of a horse.

[00:24:53]>> You you won't have one when you get >> now kickback. For the ones of you that don't know what a kickback is, okay? And what we're talking about is you know how ladies, ladies, y'all remember how you felt when you were younger? You were getting ready for a date. You would take all day to like plan your outfit and your shoes and your hair and >> but better yet before that they talked on the phone.

[00:25:22]>> Talked on the phone. All of that >> got to know each other.

[00:25:25]>> Yeah. So when that that was all a part of the dating experience >> cuz you when we were dating, the little boy had to talk on the phone with us. We would exchange phone numbers. Then there was a certain period of time where he was allowed to come to the house for maybe 2 hours on a Saturday or Sunday >> and it go from there and then you might be allowed to go out to the movies or something like that.

[00:25:53]>> And we couldn't do that till we were 16.

[00:25:55]>> 16. Mhm.

[00:25:57]>> But she would let little guys come and see us on a Sunday between what? 2 and 6 p.m.

[00:26:03]>> Yeah. It it was for a few hours cuz you know you got to go to school the next day and then you you just it wasn't going to be long.

[00:26:11]>> But then that would lead up to these dates and during these dates you getting ready for your date and you getting pretty and your hair and all this type of stuff.

[00:26:20]>> All of that was exciting.

[00:26:21]>> They don't do that now.

[00:26:22]>> They don't do that. Uh they started we we became aware of kick >> kickback. How many years ago? Five, four, five years ago. Something like that. It's it's where they kind of the girls clump together and they'll the guys kind of clump together and they might meet up at someone's house and >> they all eating pizza or they all >> playing a game. They're just chilling.

[00:26:50]Nobody is trying to get >> to really know each I don't know. I don't know why so weird.

[00:26:56]>> Just the way they did it. Y'all let us know for all aunties babies that are watching this video, please leave aunties a message and let us know about these kickbacks.

[00:27:11]>> Yeah. And and uh so we became aware of the kickbacks about 5 years ago. Do y'all still call them kickbacks? We really want to know how how a date occurs in this age. Does a guy like for us the guy would come and pick us up >> now? Everybody just text. They don't talk on the phone.

[00:27:33]>> It was nice for you talk on the phone, get to know each other, all this kind of stuff. He would come and pick you up, >> take you out on a date, bring you back home, you know, all of that was exciting, you know, to have >> it made it made me feel special.

[00:27:53]Yeah. You know, like I say, the com computer age has really done a lot of damage as far as like socialization.

[00:28:02]The >> helped in some regards cuz you can you might have Zoom and I use the FaceTime a lot. You know, my daughter and grandbaby and son-in-law are in love. It's perfect for that.

[00:28:14]>> So, it's perfect for that. But all of this texting >> as when it comes to dating and all that that is diminished what you know >> it's just it's just different. Another bad aspect of it of these kids not being as social these days is you know back in the day the family reunion like I said >> you could look forward to it every year.

[00:28:43]It allowed you to see cousins that you hadn't seen all year, hadn't seen in a couple of years.

[00:28:51]>> You knew your folks. You knew your people.

[00:28:54]>> But now young people are out in these streets. You might meet someone and y'all are related, but you don't know it. Well, I tell you one thing, one of one of the things that I remember distinctly about my grandmama, my great aunt, and all of them, when you would come there with a boy or anybody, the first thing they going to ask them, well, now who your pe who are your people? Where your people from? Cuz they trying, we didn't know it, >> but they trying to determine and see if your people is our >> our people.

[00:29:28]But >> you didn't have to worry about it back in the day because they were going to let you know. Now you know that's your cousin, right?

[00:29:36]>> I said that's your cousin, right?

[00:29:38]>> Yeah. That mean uh y'all cousins.

[00:29:41]>> Y'all cousins. I don't know where you trying to take it, but I'm about to tell you where it's not going to go.

[00:29:47]>> And I would get so tickled hearing my grandmom and great aunt talking all when they would say, "Yeah, you know, they they they moved up the country. you know, up the country could be not far, but it just meant they were not living in their immediate area. Yeah.

[00:30:03]>> That they lived in, but they moved Yeah.

[00:30:05]They wouldn't know that they cousins cuz see, they moved up the country >> years ago. And that's that's probably how they don't know. But but you know, that's how that's why you got to know your people.

[00:30:16]>> You got to know your people. I just remember all of those conversations. But you're right, Rhonda. They don't they don't communicate. Now, I I don't know if I've ever heard any of these young children, the ones that come to my house, you know, for my son, my daughter, and all if they ever talk about asking all of those types of questions, like where's your family from?

[00:30:43]What's their name? I grandma wanted to know everything. Well, where now you say they from where now?

[00:30:49]>> Mhm.

[00:30:50]>> Oh, okay. Yeah. So, I don't know when you when you think about it, it's kind of sad like you know that you don't have your close family gettogethers anymore like you used to.

[00:31:03]You know, family reunions and just those special days that you knew the family was going to get together. It would give you something really to kind of look forward to. But >> yeah, >> and it it's even sad like for the different families that came from the elders.

[00:31:23]>> They are getting together and they're doing things. It's just not everybody's just not doing it together in one place like it used to be done back when the elders were living. That's that's sad to me. Like the glue, the glue in our family would have been our grandma and her sister, our great aunt, >> because our other great aunt passed away a long time ago. There were three three girls. Our grandma had two sisters, but one passed a long time ago. We were really young when she passed. Like I said, I don't even really hear about family reunions much. Do you? Y'all leave us a comment now if y'all are still going strong and having family reunions in your family. It's a beautiful thing.

[00:32:07]>> It is a beautiful thing.

[00:32:08]>> Mhm.

[00:32:10]>> So, other than than the elders being gone, I mean, there are probably could be a couple of reasons why people aren't having the family reunions. I can remember like in our family, they would have to find a venue, whether it would be one time it was at a hotel like a conference room.

[00:32:28]>> Mhm.

[00:32:29]>> And then other times seems like it was outside. It was at I don't Well, I can >> if somebody had a lot of land in the family, >> Yeah.

[00:32:40]>> it would just be at somebody's house land, you know, and there would be tents put up and chairs and just everything.

[00:32:47]>> Yeah. There was a lot to do. I guess there are several contributing factors.

[00:32:52]And now in today's economy, you have to have, you know, money, >> so much to do. Yeah.

[00:33:02]>> I hit the button. Hold on. I say all of that to say if a family really wants to get together, those are not a factor.

[00:33:09]Yeah.

[00:33:10]>> You know, because >> back in the day, our grandma, like we said, she's born in the depression era, you know, and and uh they came up having family reunions and gettogethers and knowing their people and spending time together and all. You don't have to.

[00:33:25]>> They want and that's the whole point.

[00:33:27]People just don't talk to one another.

[00:33:30]They don't seem to care about one another like how they used to.

[00:33:34]>> Things are just so so different. Now, don't get me wrong. I know that the world has to advance and we have all the modern technology and AI and just so many things. But in a lot of regards, I wish we didn't have it. Life was more simpler and happier and more peaceful.

[00:34:00]way back when.

[00:34:01]>> I know. I saw a Tik Tok. Did you send it to me the other day? It was a young lady. She was sitting in the car and basically what she was saying is that her and her first cousins weren't even as close as probably she would have wanted them to be. And she really was like she didn't really know what happened. Like >> this not even shade. It's really just me like really just venting and like expressing like what I want to express.

[00:34:26]So, let's not pull the shade games or whatever. But I just want to say I don't have not one female cousin in my life who I'm cool like super cool with, super close with, like super like locked in with like at all. And it's really mad about because you'll be seeing other girls super close with their cousins when girls night cousins nice popping out and my like baby you you would really think I don't have no female cousin. But overall, just family period, like my family don't do [ __ ] year round at all. You have to you have to you have to make effort to remain close in a family after big mama is gone. And sometimes the thing that can keep that from happening is if it's one person, one cousin that's making all the effort. You know what I'm saying? They have to be you want it to be >> or one sibling.

[00:35:22]>> One sibling, >> one brother to a sister or a sister to a brother or >> Yeah. You you want it to be a mutual thing.

[00:35:30]>> Mhm.

[00:35:31]>> Thing that I do enjoy I I Well, there are two things.

[00:35:36]What I enjoy now is that our aunt, our mom's sister, she is going to we have a family chat. She's going to put a message in the family chat almost daily and it's going to be some sort of inspirational message or she's just going to say something and she'll saying I love you and I can't take it back.

[00:35:58]>> Mhm.

[00:35:59]>> You know, it just something cutesy like that that keeps everybody and everybody will chime in. So that's nice.

[00:36:04]>> So she's definitely I would say a glue that keeps our family together. She's also another one between her and Shondaanda. They were the ones that did, you know, most of the hosting because for years >> she she likes to do the breakfast at her house. We haven't did it in a while, but >> she would also do Mother's Day at her house. And from there, >> at Mother's Day, you know, our cousins would come over if we weren't working.

[00:36:31]See, Rhonda and I were always in healthcare. And sometimes, you know, nursing is is a 24-hour a day, 365 day a year job. Healthc care is. And so a lot of times, you know, if we could get off and and go, then we could. And if you can't, you just cannot. But the but she would do the Mother's Day breakfast brunch, >> brunch.

[00:36:54]>> And so all of our cousins and everybody would come and from there we would all leave and we would go to the cemetery for both my grandmother and my great aunt. They were in two different cemeteries, but we would take the time and make the time to go to both cemeteries to put flowers on their graves and, you know, it was fun just seeing all the cars. We all riding together, you know, going along and just what we were doing. It It was nice. And our great our not our great our aunt did that for years. But I can understand maybe why she >> slowed down with it. For one, she you know, a little bit older now.

[00:37:37]>> And then too, it goes back to what Sean and I were saying is just >> economically it's it's a lot now.

[00:37:44]>> It could be a lot. Things >> are so Yeah. can be very costly.

[00:37:48]>> Mhm. And then, you know, we sitting looking like I don't know. I just if Shami and I don't host something, if my aunt doesn't host it, I just don't see any of these others like taking the torch like and they enjoy all of these things and they've grown up seeing us host different things. So, who who going to take the tour?

[00:38:12]>> That remain to be seen. I do think that if my oldest daughter, the one that lives in Germany, >> I think if she were here, she would >> I think that she would. One thing about her, she loves to cook. And now I'm not saying she wouldn't say that we need to help her. Now, >> nobody help us >> now. No, but I'm just saying I don't think it's any of them now that's going to do anything that they don't need any help with. Can you think of something they've done and didn't need any help?

[00:38:43]>> Yeah. Not nothing. Uh so we'll see.

[00:38:46]We'll see as they as they grow and they get older and know maybe expand out to have their own families and we we'll see.

[00:38:55]>> We would love to hear in the comments.

[00:38:57]We would love to hear from y'all about some of the reasons why you all think that now that Big Mama and the elders are gone on to glory. Why do you think your family isn't as close or it doesn't feel like y'all are as close? Is it having to work a lot? Is it distance?

[00:39:20]Is it you rather just text them instead of getting together?

[00:39:24]>> Yeah. Is it that >> you rather just want to zoom Zoom call?

[00:39:28]>> Is it you really FaceTime?

[00:39:30]>> Is it you really you don't like them like that?

[00:39:33]>> You you don't like them? What is it?

[00:39:36]What is it? Thank y'all so much for choosing to be friends of the twins. To all of our same ones from day one, thank you for rocking with your girls.

[00:39:48]We're gonna get ready to go and p around a little bit more, y'all.

[00:39:52]>> Mhm. We We got our pilling outfits on.

[00:39:54]We pitted. Make the life that you live a life that you love. Life is short.

[00:40:02]>> Peace out. Peace.