3 Things That Make a Narcissist Break Down Emotionally | DR. RAMANI

[00:00:00]Hello and welcome back to another video.

[00:00:01]Today we are going to talk about a topic that people ask about quite frequently.

[00:00:07]Can a narcissist actually cry? Can they really feel pain? The answer to that is yes. Narcissists do experience emotions even though they often play the victim or act as if they are the ones who have been deeply wronged.

[00:00:26]That exact same sensitivity that allows them to play the victim so effectively also makes them incredibly easy to wound. A narcissist's ego is remarkably fragile and almost anything can bruise it. Some things only scare them a little bit. Other things can do real lasting damage to how they see themselves. And if that blow happens to come from someone the narcissist actually looks up to, it can be absolutely devastating.

[00:01:08]Nothing hurts a narcissist more than a direct challenge to their pride or their intense need for control. It does not matter at all if that challenge happens out in public or behind closed doors in private. It still stings just as much either way. In simple terms, narcissists build their own misery. They do it through constant lying, through pretending to be something that they are not, and through a deep lingering sense of insecurity.

[00:01:48]None of this would matter much to anyone else except for the fact that narcissists see themselves as completely untouchable.

[00:01:59]So the very moment they feel challenged, they immediately want payback. In their mind, everyone else should carry the heavy weight of their pain and never them.

[00:02:15]I have also noticed that narcissism is talked about more and more as a real mental health issue these days.

[00:02:24]What narcissists actually need from the people around them is compassion and patience.

[00:02:33]Right now, the narcissist in your life is likely acting in a very hypocritical way, saying one thing and doing another while completely counting on your kindness to give them yet another chance. That is exactly why they stay so vulnerable to being hurt. So, let us not waste any more time. Here are three sure ways that people end up hurting a narcissist's feelings.

[00:03:10]The first way is being pushed aside and left out.

[00:03:16]Narcissists simply cannot handle being told the truth about their flaws. Even the smallest criticism cuts them deep because their skin is paper thin. They are absolutely terrified of being alone because they survive entirely on a diet of constant praise and attention from the people around them.

[00:03:46]A narcissist simply cannot function without others constantly feeding their ego. And here is the hard part. Once you get pulled into their world, it becomes very difficult to break free.

[00:04:06]These days, narcissists have an easier time than ever thanks to social media and instant messaging.

[00:04:15]They have built a kind of online fantasy world where they get endless praise without ever having to be physically present with anyone. This lets them keep relationships going that would normally fall apart for most other people without real face-to-face contact. A narcissist though can live off a steady stream of likes, comments, and compliments online.

[00:04:44]For now, that is enough to keep their shallow fantasies and twisted needs alive. Stop giving them emotional reactions.

[00:04:56]The second thing a narcissist fears most is being exposed. I have already covered this topic in an earlier video, so I will not go over everything all over again here, but it is well known that narcissists care a great deal about their image. They will tell lie after lie just to protect it. Their whole life becomes a performance meant to convince people they are more successful, more interesting, and more impressive than they really are. So when that carefully built image starts to crack in front of others, the pain must be unbearable for them. Watching their whole fake world fall apart is truly one of the worst things that can happen to them. Build an independent and happy life.

[00:05:57]The third and final thing that truly affects a narcissist is being insulted.

[00:06:04]Narcissists are actually very aware of how their words affect other people.

[00:06:11]They know exactly what they are doing when they use dishonest and manipulative words to hurt someone.

[00:06:21]But turn that around. And a narcissist cannot handle even honest, fair criticism aimed at them. Being completely truthful with a narcissist is almost seen as a crime in their eyes.

[00:06:39]This happens all the time. Any criticism of the image they have built gets taken as a direct personal attack. You will start to notice that narcissists are especially sensitive to insults because deep down inside they are already incredibly insecure and anxious.

[00:07:01]Unfortunately for them, they always have some flaw hiding underneath the surface.

[00:07:06]And that is simply the sad truth. Things do not look good for them once their real self gets exposed to the world.

[00:07:15]They often struggle to understand even simple basic ideas about themselves and their own behavior. So, in the end, these are the three things most likely to truly affect a narcissist in a negative way. Once you look closely at them, their weaknesses become completely obvious. They are sneaky, they manipulate people, and underneath all of that performance, they are scared and insecure.

[00:07:49]That is really everything I wanted to share with you today. So, I will wrap things up here. I hope all of you have a great rest of your week and thank you for taking the time to listen.

[00:08:04]Now, let us talk about the best way to truly get back at a narcissist in your life.

[00:08:13]Nothing makes a narcissist more jealous and envious than watching you move on and find true happiness without them.

[00:08:24]That is honestly the worst thing you can do to them because it fills them with intense envy.

[00:08:31]Narcissists cannot find happiness on their own. Even the ones who are financially successful or highly accomplished in their careers never feel satisfied because nothing is ever enough to fill their constant need for attention and praise.

[00:08:51]Narcissists get a strange kind of satisfaction from watching other people suffer. Seeing someone else feel sad or broken makes them feel a little less alone in their own emptiness, even if it is just for a fleeting moment. Keep in mind that narcissists try to make life difficult for everyone around them. The old saying that misery loves company describes them perfectly.

[00:09:24]But remember this, your own mental and emotional health matters far more than anything a narcissist thinks or does.

[00:09:38]Narcissists can sense right away when you are hurting. And they can also tell when you are holding on to resentment or if you are still open to forgiving them.

[00:09:52]They look for that because that is exactly what makes you an easy target to pull back into their cycle.

[00:10:03]So keep your distance from narcissists and from the people who support them, who are sometimes called flying monkeys, because they will do everything they can to keep you feeling small and stuck.

[00:10:21]If you want to protect yourself from a narcissist, the healthiest step you can take is to stop engaging with them and with the people who back them up. Keeping them around even just a little bit only slows down your own healing process. Of course, how long that healing takes depends entirely on how much damage was done to you in the first place.

[00:10:55]If you do have to interact with a narcissist despite trying your best to avoid it, staying emotionally steady is key. One helpful approach is to treat them as if they are completely invisible and simply walk right past them without giving any reaction. The most powerful thing you can do is stay quiet and keep your own peace intact because narcissists genuinely struggle to understand a person who refuses to engage with them.

[00:11:32]Narcissists often go looking for their old victims just to bring up old arguments again and again. They expect that life without them has been incredibly hard for you and they want to see you struggling because that makes them feel powerful.

[00:11:52]Once a narcissist realizes you are no longer interested in their game of back and forth, they lose that sense of control. They actually enjoy watching you spiral into anger, resentment, and a need for revenge because that keeps you stuck in their web.

[00:12:16]And staying stuck in those feelings of helplessness only keeps you trapped in the situation longer.

[00:12:26]At the same time, if you carry a negative outlook on life, you may end up attracting more negativity into it.

[00:12:38]If you want to truly change your life after going through narcissistic abuse, you need to be willing to shift the way you think, the way you feel, and how you grow as a person.

[00:12:57]Set firm boundaries and walk away.

[00:13:01]Always try to stay brave in every single part of your journey forward.

[00:13:11]When narcissists see someone they once hurt doing well in life, it can actually trigger deep feelings of sadness or jealousy in them. Even if they act happy for you on the outside, deep down in their minds, they may still resent you for how much damage their actions caused to the relationship in the first place.

[00:13:42]If you manage to keep your inner light burning bright despite everything they put you through, it tends to make them even more frustrated and hostile toward you. It becomes very hard for them to accept that you have moved forward and built a better life for yourself.

[00:14:08]Choosing to treat a narcissist as if they do not matter to you at all is one of the fastest ways to upset them. It likely causes them real emotional distress, even if they never show it openly to you or anyone else. Around this time, you may notice the narcissist starting to circle back into your life, testing the waters and looking for a way back in.

[00:14:39]Getting close to a narcissist again can be very risky. So unless they genuinely apologize and admit they were completely wrong for how they treated you, it is best to keep that door firmly closed and ignore any attempts they make. Sometimes they will try a romantic gesture or a sudden sweet moment to win you back and make you doubt your decision to walk away only [snorts] to return to the exact same harmful patterns once you let your guard down again.

[00:15:23]If you know a former narcissist is watching your progress, it is best to keep your distance completely.

[00:15:32]Your worth does not depend on whether they ever recognize it. Your success and growth becomes a source of jealousy for them because it reminds them of their own shortcomings and the fact that they will never truly match your depth, your quality, or your emotional growth.

[00:15:59]Thriving despite everything you went through with narcissistic abuse is the greatest form of payback there is. So protect your inner calm and your inner light and do not let anyone take that away from you.

[00:16:20]I hope everything I shared today helps in some way. I wish you a peaceful and good week ahead and I will see you again in the next video. Now let us move on to nine signs that suggest a narcissist actually likes you and wants you back in their life. One important behavior to understand here is something called hoovering. This is a form of emotional manipulation that a narcissist uses when they sense they are losing their grip and control over you. The term hoovering comes from the idea of sucking something back in quickly and forcefully. It is simply another tactic to pull you back into the cycle of abuse so they can continue using you for their own needs.

[00:17:17]From their selfcentered point of view, the story is always the same. They will believe that you were the one who ended things with them because they stopped caring about you the moment the honeymoon phase ended. It is a very common pattern which starts as a good first impression followed by behavior that turns unpleasant over time.

[00:17:50]So how do you actually recognize the signs that a narcissist is slowly draining your energy?

[00:18:00]Stick with this video until the end because I am going to walk you through nine clear signals that show a narcissist is exploiting you.

[00:18:15]The first sign is that narcissists act as if nothing has ever changed between you. A narcissist may try to win back a victim by suddenly reaching out again out of nowhere.

[00:18:31]Any message that feels overly sweet, overly nostalgic, or simply too kind to be genuine deserves a closer look.

[00:18:44]Instead of wasting your energy trying to figure out what they really want, pay attention to the pattern itself. They will often talk to you as if everything is normal and encourage you to just move past whatever happened. This might look like a funny text message or a phone call just to check in on your day.

[00:19:08]Former partners of narcissists have described being approached at work with lines about how they miss the old days when you used to walk them to their car or bring them coffee or something along those lines. Another common example is an unexpected bouquet of flowers showing up out of nowhere.

[00:19:31]Narcissists almost never take real responsibility for their actions or make a genuine effort to fix things. And that is actually one of the defining traits of the disorder. Instead, they simply choose to act like nothing bad ever happened.

[00:19:51]This entire performance is really just a way to keep their image intact for the people watching them on social media. At the same time, they are trying to convince you that the relationship never really ended.

[00:20:10]The second sign is that narcissists are famous for apologizing without ever truly meaning it. Remember, narcissists rarely change in any lasting way. So before you consider forgiving them or giving them another chance, really think it through and ask yourself if their apology feels honest.

[00:20:38]There is often a quiet thread of dishonesty running through this kind of hoovering. It can be subtle but very effective. If you want to test their sincerity, try gently pushing back or changing the subject. If they react with anger, that is a strong sign their apology was never real to begin with.

[00:21:03]Narcissists are deeply self-focused people who put their own wants ahead of everyone else's needs and they will keep using these tactics for as long as they keep working.

[00:21:19]Be cautious of people who fake remorse because there is usually something they want to gain from it. That fake apology is just another manipulation tool. A real honest apology usually leads to real change in someone's future behavior.

[00:21:44]So try not to overthink your choices right now. You are allowed to make your own decisions.

[00:21:54]The third sign is that narcissists will promise you eternal love and total devotion.

[00:22:03]Lovebombing is one of their favorite weapons. They will express deep affection and share their feelings in a way that feels intense.

[00:22:15]For a narcissist, bringing up old memories is a key strategy for winning your love back. They tend to exaggerate how meaningful those memories were, using their own inflated self-image to make the moment feel bigger than it was.

[00:22:36]They might say things about how they could never find anyone better than you or how no one else makes them feel the way you do. Big dramatic emotional gestures might make you feel more at ease around them. But every time they express this so-called love, what they really want is for you to give in and come back.

[00:23:08]Even after everything that happened, these false claims of love just keep coming.

[00:23:18]If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, they will use the word love as an emotional tool to keep you from leaving.

[00:23:31]The fourth sign involves narcissists making promises they have no intention of keeping. This is all part of that lovebombing strategy. They will try to reassure you with big sweeping statements. They might talk about marriage, offer to buy you a car, or suggest taking a big trip together.

[00:24:00]The truth is, there is almost no chance they will actually follow through on any of it.

[00:24:10]Narcissists are really only looking out for themselves, which is exactly why their word cannot be trusted.

[00:24:20]None of this is your fault, and you should not blame yourself for how you have felt or reacted to any of it. Those promises were never really about you in the first place.

[00:24:38]Keep that in mind.

[00:24:41]Everything a narcissist does is ultimately meant to deepen your reliance on them for as long as possible.

[00:24:53]The fifth sign shows up when a narcissist cannot reach you directly, so they turn to other people instead.

[00:25:05]A narcissist will go to great lengths to pull you back into their life. One common method is staying close to your family, checking in with your parents often, and telling them how much they appreciate you. They may also use your children to brag to others about how wonderful you are and how much they claim to miss you. Watch out for this hoovering tactic where they try to get closer to your personal life by reaching out through people you already trust.

[00:25:46]They might also send loving messages through these gobetweens.

[00:25:51]This usually happens because you have stopped responding to them directly.

[00:25:57]The sixth sign is when a narcissist tries to win your sympathy by playing the victim.

[00:26:05]People who lean toward narcissism often have a flare for the dramatic. They can spend a lot of time feeling sorry for themselves and they are very good at inventing fake emergencies or crises just to pull your attention back toward them. It is not unusual for them to exaggerate or even completely make up a family tragedy like a death just to gain your sympathy. Their intense emotional displays usually come from their constant need for attention and admiration.

[00:26:48]As much as their focus is on you, they also crave being the center of attention in general. Most of the time, this tactic is simply a way to grab your attention by ramping up how alarmed or worried you feel.

[00:27:10]Spreading false information and rumors is something narcissists are especially skilled at, which leads us to the seventh sign. This kind of manipulation may eventually be used against you as they try to twist reality and damage your reputation to make themselves look better. They will try to rewrite history and convince others that you were a problem all along.

[00:27:44]They want to make sure that they control the narrative completely, leaving you isolated and doubting your own experiences while they play the part of the innocent party who was mistreated.