Alcohol addiction is fundamentally about personal intentions rather than the substance itself; alcohol amplifies existing intentions and can make individuals say or do things they would never do sober. Recovery requires understanding that environmental triggers, such as being around alcohol or in situations where alcohol is accessible, significantly increase the likelihood of relapse. Successful recovery often involves creating distance from triggers, developing alternative coping mechanisms, and recognizing that the body becomes physically dependent on alcohol over time, leading to withdrawal symptoms when consumption stops.
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well almost ran out of electricityAdded:
I'll leave.
All right, dude.
Dude, I had a half mile left.
electricity I'm trying to make it back to Tucson so I can hang out with Jake and my dog, man.
I know, dude. I'm going to take my dog out out in the wild.
I might go camping for sobriety.
Or I might just get trashed.
You know?
Who knows?
I just need like a way time from from society, dude.
I [ __ ] hate it.
I'm never going going back to society after uh I don't know, dude. I don't know. After this court case and [ __ ] I'm definitely going to be a recluse.
Just get the [ __ ] away.
I I just need like a month.
And also, I'm very proud of myself, though.
I've gotten myself to go like 3 days without drinking.
And I went from like having a [ __ ] case of beer to like occasionally like four to five beers.
And then from there like I went down I'm starting to go down to one beer, which is [ __ ] great. That's what I want.
Uh weed is helping me, dude. I think weed is more of a [ __ ] um medical use.
Because every time I drank or should I say every time I smoke weed while I'm drinking I'm starting to have like a half a can left instead of a of like three [ __ ] or not three but like maybe like five cans down and like I don't know.
It It's [ __ ] weird, dude.
But it's amazing what you could do while you're sober.
But I'm doing fine. I'm doing fine on on that. You guys didn't need to hear that, but you didn't need to hear that.
Emotions.
I don't know how to deal with my [ __ ] emotions. I just [ __ ] drink about it.
And that's how I got to [ __ ] drinking too much.
It's like [ __ ] it.
I know I almost died like two times.
Maybe the third time might be lucky from drinking. I actually know I only died once.
The other two times I just passed out like and I can't do that [ __ ] live because someone likes to call the [ __ ] paramedics or the police.
You know?
I can't have a good time in a shower.
Just or bathtub. I can't just lay down sit down just let the water drip on my naked body.
You know, maybe that's of my rehab.
One time I was in a truck stop uh hitchhiking.
I spent at least 3 and 1/2 hours in a [ __ ] shower.
>> [laughter] >> Cops came and all. I was like, "Hold on, I'm putting on my clothes."
And that was time when I did self I mean, you kind of need professional help when you when you are are um detoxing, but I was able to do it on my own.
I was pretty much able I put myself in predicaments like say in the wild, knowing the fact that like it was going to be 10 times harder to get alcohol because you're in the middle of nowhere amongst the trees and [ __ ] When I my drinking problem has began in 2020 No.
I would say when I was 21.
I started to drink and then got heavier as I got 27.
And there'd be times that I can go like a full [ __ ] week without drinking.
But sometimes I give in to my Like right now, I want a [ __ ] beer.
I want a [ __ ] beer.
I want a cigarette. Every time I have a cigarette, I have a beer.
That's why you guys see me puffing really Okay, that didn't sound good, but um that's why you guys see me always constantly hitting my uh vape.
I'm trying to distract my brain from drinking.
That's why I'm constantly working.
Because the more I'm around the liquor or alcohol is the more is more chances of me drinking.
And you guys know I'm pretty good at [ __ ] like beyond passing out at [ __ ] drinking. I know. I know. I know. You guys don't like it when I become shit-faced drunk.
I do know.
Don't worry. I got I got my dog. My My dog is going to keep me alive as I'm not going to drink or do stupid [ __ ] I mean, you can't die on marijuana, though. That's a good thing.
I mean if you put drugs on it, then you could.
>> [snorts] >> Silver spots? What the [ __ ] are you talking about?
I don't know what the [ __ ] you're talking about.
You're [ __ ] [ __ ] 180 kilowatts.
I can't believe I actually ran this [ __ ] out.
A half mile.
I got onto the [ __ ] um I got onto the [ __ ] on or or emergency lane and just [ __ ] punched it.
And I might it just right on [ __ ] time, dude.
I I miss having Jack in my [ __ ] Coke.
Oh, that felt good.
Bro, it's called skin tones.
I'm [ __ ] exhausted. I'm tired.
Dude, it's a really a 65%.
I'm going by the time edge on it.
I got to go back to work.
I'm going to collect some [ __ ] money, man.
I had 116. Now I got like not too much.
We're at 142 miles.
Which is not that bad.
It's not even that [ __ ] windy.
I don't know how the [ __ ] it took my uh charge.
I had 78 and that typically lasts us to like That would have got us to [ __ ] Tucson like uh at the beginning of it.
But it's stupid.
So my new found buddy actually packed up and left.
Oh, well.
She packed up and left.
That's the thing about us travelers. We just [ __ ] up and eat up and go.
That's why I don't make friends. They all leave.
So all right.
90% Not Okay, I won't say the percentage because I don't know. But majority of the old school travelers that's been out here for a [ __ ] minute they won't tell you what to do.
They're not going to tell you be back.
Well, if they're if if they're ready to leave, they'll tell you if you're going to go to the store to get uh rations or whatever.
And they're like, "Hey, be back uh in 20 minutes or otherwise when that train comes, we out. Or if I get a ride, sorry, dude, you got to catch up down the road."
Yeah.
I'm a Republican, a conservative.
I don't tell you what to do.
And that's probably why I don't have females because females, they want a dude that uh wants them to boss around or something.
I'm sorry, I'm not going to boss away on anybody.
Dude, I can't believe I did this.
I'm like, "God, please help me. Please help me, God."
I said, "God, give it all you might."
As soon as I got onto the on-ramp or off-ramp at the lights, it went right up to a mile and a half.
Well, 2 miles and then it dropped back down to it like a mile and a half or a half mile.
And as soon as I got up here, I just coasted.
Literally, it died.
And it coast- I coasted to um to this [ __ ] charger thing.
Yeah.
I'm not going to deal I'm I'm not going to deal with Chicken Andy right now.
I heard some bad news.
Uh he's on probation with me, dude.
I can't believe he attacked his beautiful woman, dude.
There's no reason to have attacked her.
Yeah, she might get honorary.
But come on, Chicken.
Chicken, really, dude?
Why do some of these girls get with these [ __ ] dirt bags, bro?
Like literally.
I never did drugs, stupid.
Yeah, it was pretty shitty of him to do all that.
I ain't going to lie.
I just can't fathom somebody just willy-nilly beating up a woman.
Well, he was drunk, but you still don't blame it on the alcohol.
Because at the end of the day, it wasn't the alcohol. It was built up tension.
And he blamed it on the alcohol, and people blamed it on the drinking. It's nothing to do with the [ __ ] drinking.
Drinking does not change you.
I found this out.
Drinking really amps your intentions.
That's what it is.
And sometimes drinking will make you say things that you'll never say in a million [ __ ] years.
Drinking will make you do things.
Like I said, it's not the alcohol, it's your intentions.
To be honest, as I reflect on the things that I have done in the past, um I don't know how I'm not [ __ ] dead.
Drinking is a devil's playground.
It is a devil's playground out there, dude.
It definitely is.
Temptation gets the best of me.
Shh.
I like [ __ ] I didn't know there was sex therapy.
Like sex rehab. I didn't know until like when I was like 24, 20 in in my high 20s.
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
Out of all the people that put me in set uh paid for it, too. It was a uh a sex worker.
Yes, I masturbate.
I still have those feelings to [ __ ] But, I try to occupy my brain on uh other matters.
On other matters, just like if I want to drink.
If I really cuz there's two spots.
There's a Circle K and a and a Cute QT.
They both have [ __ ] alcohol in them.
I don't have seizures.
I just get like my emotions just goes out of whack.
I get very emotional like I can get very angry, giddy at the same time.
I am manic bipolar.
I'm uh what they say the lowest, I think.
I don't know. I haven't been to a [ __ ] psychiatrist in I don't know, 30 [ __ ] years.
20?
28? 22? I don't know.
I I am my own You know who's actually my therapist?
God.
So, uh he is himself to be my therapist.
Hello.
Honestly, I don't give a [ __ ] if I have eight viewers.
>> [snorts] >> Plus, a lot of my viewers, they're working.
>> [snorts] >> Revelations.
You know what? I don't beat myself up because I had a few beers.
I'm not going to go [ __ ] Nazi style, bro.
Definitely not.
If I'm going to drink, I'm going to drink. [ __ ] it.
I just have a [ __ ] cart cart pen weed pen on me at all times.
It's funny seeing some of you guys saying, "Oh, you're an alcoholic.
You're uncontrollable when you drink."
Like, what what?
All I do is drink, chit-chat, possibly if I'm with a girl, [ __ ] her while I'm drunk as [ __ ] and pass the [ __ ] out.
That's what I pretty much do.
But I am probably going to get me a beer, too.
I'm not I'm not a [ __ ] Nazi. I know how to quit.
I know how to chill the [ __ ] out.
Yesterday, one beer was not enough.
I got to at least have three beers.
Three can Three tall cans.
Cuz I wouldn't be having these mixed emotions right now.
Yeah.
See, that's the thing about self-detoxing.
You just don't have the moral support.
You just learn and go through it.
You just learn and go through it, you know?
If you [ __ ] up by drinking, then you just [ __ ] up.
You ain't going to [ __ ] go to hell because you got bro Jesus [ __ ] made wine water out of wine. Wine out of water.
So stop acting like alcoholism is bad.
Yeah.
I ain't calling Big Jim with the [ __ ] My community is not about him.
My community is not about drama.
You think you can [ __ ] redirect my [ __ ] channel? No, you can't.
I'm torn about should I get alcohol?
Or not?
That's the biggest life decision I got right now.
Other than go to work.
I used to back in the day just injure myself to get uh codeine.
Hope and pray they uh uh give me some codeine.
But my luck, they probably won't.
Well, the gallbladder I I didn't even know that was what's going on.
The [ __ ] gallbladder really [ __ ] caught me off off guard.
Well, yeah. 81% on the charge here. 46 minutes.
>> [snorts] >> What did I do?
Of course, nothing. I always do nothing.
That's my [ __ ] claim to fame. I never do anything.
I can't quit cold turkey.
I can't even quit vaping and nicotine, dude.
You can ask 217, Jake.
I would get definitely sick if I quit smoking altogether.
We uh cigarettes.
I've tried cold turkey uh quitting cold turkey alcohol.
But, I get the cold chills.
I get [ __ ] depressed, weak.
So, like What Okay, when I was on the Appalachian Trail, I was what? 2013? How old was I?
No, 2012.
Somewhere around that time period.
I started drinking really heavily.
I made it all the way up to uh Virginia.
I had to call 911.
I I I I I was blind. Like everything went from perfect seeing perfect seeing, right? I could see everything like everybody else can.
Well, as uh the morning was progressing, everything got [ __ ] blurry. Like, what the [ __ ] Like, for some dumb reason, everything felt heavy.
Well, then I realized, well, I had to walk back to the lean-to because I I couldn't carry my pack.
I had my dog um Chaplin at the time.
And, you know, I carried a little flask.
And I took a sip of that, and guess what?
[ __ ] was starting to come back.
I had enough money to put my dog in a boarding kennel until I could figure out what the [ __ ] was going on with me.
And the doctor was like, "You're detoxing."
And he was like, "When When's the last time you drank?"
Technically, uh this morning.
Out of a flask.
"No, when's the full?" Like, So, like, "Well, 3 days ago. That's when I started hiking."
And, you know, when I realized I can go 3 days without drinking, I kept doing it time after time, and then I tried to do more than 3 days.
And and that's how I got um What is it? Uh hypoglycemic tendencies.
This is like literally my body was in shock. Like, what the [ __ ] Cuz it gotten used to drinking over time. And then it progressed heavier heavier and heavier.
Yeah, drinking like almost a full bottle of Jack is not healthy.
I really don't want to return to that stage.
I don't know.
I don't know, dude. I'm I I don't want to go to [ __ ] rehab.
I could do it myself.
I just hate the feeling when you quit drinking.
Like, it it feels like stress.
Real bad.
But I think if I limit myself to two cans every three [ __ ] days it should be like a pattern.
It should be easy as when time goes on.
And then from there I can wean myself down to one can.
I don't know.
But I'm not ready for it.
I am not ready for going detox. [ __ ] detox, dude.
I'm not going into establishment.
I'll go into nature.
I'll go [ __ ] hiking.
My luck, I'll bring a [ __ ] fifth.
I don't know.
Oh god, we're at 180 6 miles.
42 minutes left.
I want a [ __ ] beer, dude. I got the money to buy it.
Oh, the [ __ ] was that?
I got the money, dude.
I have never gotten any good chicks out of [ __ ] being sober.
Um all the chicks that I ever gotten was shit-faced drunk whenever I [ __ ] as well, you know?
But there's perks to drinking and there's not perks to not drinking.
189.
Cool.
We're almost getting somewhere.
I'll never do. That's one thing I'll never [ __ ] do is drink and drive.
I've had a family member almost die from it.
Die from drinking and driving.
Yeah, I'll get a Uber before I get a DUI.
[ __ ] yeah.
This is why I Okay.
Like Like I said in the beginning of the live stream, the reason why you see me smoking so much is because I'm trying to occupy my brain from drinking.
Some days it's heavier and some days it's not.
Like I feel like I got my drinking under control.
I feel like but that's also deceiving to my brain.
But I feel like I'm at a level of normal drinking.
Only if I stay away from um If I stay away from liquor, I'll be fine.
Yeah.
We all know I can drink a whole [ __ ] bottle of Jack.
That is sad. That is [ __ ] sad.
I don't even know how much I'm paying for this [ __ ] Yeah. Yeah, then.
487 Damn.
Gas is expensive.
Thank god I'm not paying them prices.
That's why I don't like working because I know when I'm working I can buy me beer. I can buy me alcoholic beverages.
For sure.
That's why I like to YouTube only because when I got paid I'll buy me a [ __ ] beer.
And then like if I'm around other travelers, I'll buy them [ __ ] beer.
I'll buy a whole [ __ ] 32 or whatever, 36.
And we all [ __ ] drink from one one [ __ ] big box.
Hell, don't get me wrong. I did There was a couple of times that I got drunk on the [ __ ] train.
Yeah.
I don't know how they didn't hear me [ __ ] snoring in the yard.
>> [laughter] >> Yeah, nicotine, dude.
That's going to be the death of me, dude.
Is nicotine.
Oh, wow.
Ugh.
Damn.
194.
Damn, that sucks. Ugh.
Dude, I thought I had enough charge to go to um the Tesla station that's like at least 10 more miles from here.
Damn, that's a hot girl.
Damn, you messed her.
Oh, damn.
Oh, well.
Reason why I'm also on live is to buy time so I don't go back in the store and buy like two two tall cans.
And plus to deal with you [ __ ] idiots.
You guys do drive me to drinking.
I ain't going to [ __ ] lie. You guys actually drive me to drinking.
No, why would I want to listen to some high-pitched Eric?
I'm actually jonesing for a beer right now.
Knowing the fact I got money but I'm letting my willpower be strong.
To be honest with you.
Hold on.
Uh that happened.
And let my willpower be very [ __ ] strong to where >> [snorts] >> I don't have to go buy me alcohol.
I used to reward myself every time I did something well, I would always drink.
And then it got pretty bad.
And then when I was out there out there hitchhiking and every time it rained and I got soaked, I usually have Jack with me and I'll drink to the point where the more wet I get, the more drunk I get.
That was a fun game.
I'm this [ __ ] close to buying some alcohol just to [ __ ] satisfy my craving.
I want some alcohol, guys.
I got the money.
It's just in my debit card.
I did.
Yeah, I did.
>> Yeah, it's not good. I got to [ __ ] like stretch it out, bro.
I got to practice not drinking if if I want to go back to my parents.
Heavily.
They don't mind me drinking.
It's just that I can't drink the way I drink all the time.
I can't seem to find my weed pen.
I got to get a new one.
But I got a whole bunch of more marijuana where that comes from when I get to this place.
>> Not drinking is stressing me out.
It's stressing me out more than if I was to drink.
See, the thing is, I know if I drank, my day's going to be shot.
Cuz I would have to sober up to [ __ ] drive and [ __ ] Yeah, it it is easy.
I'll go days, like 3 days, and not worry about drinking, and then I get that [ __ ] urge to drink again.
I can't seem to go without 3 days without drinking.
I'm not living in the [ __ ] car, stupid.
I can feel my heart throbbing like bloop bloop bloop bloop because I want liquor. I want alcohol.
I'm trying to teach myself since I got an electric car there is no use for a gas station.
There's no use anymore cuz I don't have a gas car that I'm using.
I'm trying to teach myself.
I'm trying.
>> [sighs] >> I did better when I was homeless.
When I was out there traveling.
Because once I knew that I couldn't get alcohol, it was a lot easier to function.
But every time I got near a civilization, I had that urge again.
And in actuality, when I gave up porn addiction, I That's when my drinking addiction came into play heavier.
208 mi, which is not that bad.
We got 21 minutes left of charging.
>> [groaning] >> The thing was, like, when I was younger, in my uh early 20s, I would always carry I I I don't know. I even still carry alcohol. At least one or two At least one or two and then I'll go find me a little cubbyhole.
Toss one back.
Like, I know I know I don't feel better, but it seems like I feel better when I drink.
It feels like most of the problems that associate with not drinking goes away.
It [ __ ] goes away.
Yeah. Well, the thing is, my drink has never gotten out of hand. Never.
Other than dying once in a shower.
That's why I can't really go live stream when I take a shower when I get super [ __ ] wasted because you dumbasses will like to call the [ __ ] police or the fire department if I take way too long in a [ __ ] shower.
If I take way too long in a [ __ ] shower, one of you dumbasses going call the fire department. [ __ ] I think he's dying.
He has to come out of the shower.
Sturgis? Really? Really? The The sheriff's there?
They acted like one of the guys acted like they saw a dead never seen a dead person.
They revived me quick, too. And I was like, "Whoa." And I'm looking around.
Not saying a damn [ __ ] I'm like, "Where the [ __ ] is my dog?"
And one officer said, "Don't worry, we got her."
And how the [ __ ] did you guys get in here?
All right.
One beer, two beer, three beer equals 45 beers later.
You know what's better than beer?
Liquor.
That's better than beer.
It's liquor.
You know what?
[ __ ] it.
You guys win.
You know what?
You guys don't win.
I ain't getting no [ __ ] beer. [ __ ] you.
>> Dude.
[ __ ] it. Let's get some Let's get at least one beer.
You know what? Two beers.
You know what? Let's get a little small case.
Oh, we're not going to walk that way cuz it there's a license plate over there.
Uh.
We got about 16 minutes.
Dude, you guys going to help me get some jack because I'm wasting money.
I have PayPal, Cash App, and whatever in the [ __ ] description or in the description. You know what?
Who cares?
I don't know, dude. What do you think?
Bro, let Hold on. I got to end this.
It's 97% anyway.
All right.
We good.
It didn't tell much tell us how much, but we good now.
All right, $27.
$27, yeah.
Oh, damn.
All right.
[ __ ] it.
I'm getting me a [ __ ] handle.
I know this gas station has liquor.
All right.
Give me a second, guys.
All right.
I don't think so. I'm sorry. Oh, yeah.
Sorry for coming late.
All right.
All right.
Ooh.
Go time. Woo.
All right.
You got 2 L?
Yes, right around the corner, big guy.
I'm going to get um a normal size Jack, please.
I said, all right.
Uh Okay.
You going big bottle or little bottle?
Big bottle. What's the biggest bottle you got?
23 and a half for the biggest bottle.
But, for the low low price of $16, you can get two halves. They big. All right, I'll get two halves then.
If we have it. Hold on.
Oh, we do.
Two for 16? Yes.
Is that a deal with the uh Cuz I got a number with you guys. What does it say? What does it say? What does it say? What does it say? What does it say? What does it say? What does it say?
What does it say?
Nope.
No restrictions. Bam, bam, bam.
Two for 16. But, I do need your ID, babe.
>> Wait.
So, it's the same price or how much are those? 23. I'll get the I'll get it.
All right.
I'll get the big ones.
Ladies, you want one big one? [ __ ] it, two. No, I'm just joking.
You got your credit card? You put it on the table.
It'll be $40 for two, right?
It's like 23 something. Yeah.
25 please. Taxes.
That's your card. Yeah, debit for uh I need to see your ID. Oh, here. Oh, yeah.
Oh, Pennsylvania. I want to go there one of these days. You want to go train hopping?
I thought about it.
You got any females? Nope. To come along with? Nope. Cuz it looks kind of gay for two guys on a >> [laughter] >> Uh Bacardi, how much is Bacardi? That one is 18.
$9 apiece. And not the big one? Yeah.
All right, let's take it. All right, we're taking it.
All right, it's going to be 39.80, my friend.
I do Uber Eats or Uber ride share anyway, so I I get that back.
I didn't want to drop it. Oh.
Did it work? Oh.
Oh, wait. Do How do I do the number?
Press the X and then go through Wait.
Cancel it and then we got to put the number in right now.
How do we do that? Press the this one right here.
Bang. It's ready now.
I hold on, guys.
To it.
Now we do your card again. So you cancel it and boom, we're in.
Bang.
All right, make sure you say yes when it tells you to. Oh.
All right.
We're golden. Have a good day.
>> Yeah, sir. Have the best day ever. I know, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Hi.
I'm going to go party.
>> [laughter] >> I got the party juice.
Oh, well.
Too bad I don't got a female to party with.
I'm going to go drive around and find me a female.
No, we're not picking up prostitutes.
Leave that [ __ ] alone.
All right.
It's [ __ ] hot.
Thank god I left the [ __ ] car running.
All right.
I'll have that for [ __ ] later.
I got a Bacardi, too, yo.
Woah! We don't want to [ __ ] up the Bacardi even.
Not today, at least.
>> [clears throat] >> The hot spot's not too far from here.
That's where I was last time when I um took that video.
DPU, I see you.
>> [snorts] >> I'm going to go find me a a hobo, a dirty kid, to go um drink with.
This one's going to LA, dude. No, um Riverside or something like that.
Why would I get robbed?
Woo!
Wow.
Another one?
All right.
Let me see how much I got left.
Cuz I may have to [ __ ] work that [ __ ] up. I got about $34 in my pocket.
I'm going to look at the train.
This one's coming in going going pretty fast.
Wow.
This one's a short, but it's double stacked like a [ __ ] >> [snorts] >> All right.
What should we do?
Should I work and then play later?
I think we could work and then play.
Huh, all right.
>> [snorts] >> All right, well, I'll get my bread up.
>> [sighs] >> I'll see you guys around 5:00, 5:30.
Something like that.
At least get my hundred back, kind of.
I'm [ __ ] tired anyway.
I got all week to make another uh money.
Yeah.
We could play now.
I got to find some uh dispersed camping if we're going to go drinking.
I don't know. Just let me get some uh work in. I got to rebuild my money up.
Yeah.
Yeah, I did. That's what I'm going to go do.
I'll be back. I'm going to go work for a bit.
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