Trauma Release Exercises Explained (House Of Feelings EP6 P3)

Added: 2026-05-11

[00:00:00]We're back with House of Feelings, season 3. We're still on episode 6 in a therapeutic session, and I wanted it to make a separate video to break each one of these down to give them the time that they deserve. And if you're watching this video, I hope that what I can do for you is break down some of the therapeutic techniques that you can use in your own lives to release your own trauma and trapped emotions and autopilot behavior patterns that might be sabotaging your life, okay? Let's get into it. Last episode, we left off with Rae realizing that she had to be the perfect little girl for her parents and how this has affected her when she's smiling all the time for no reason, and this really got to her and she started crying.

[00:00:35]>> Okay, and I know that that's like hard cuz we make the meaning. However our parents treated us, whatever we saw, we might have like closed our heart down because we don't want to ever experience what we saw our parents go through, or we might have, you know, filtered ourselves to become this perfect sweet good girl all the time.

[00:00:52]And so now you get to feel your feelings, you get to express yourself.

[00:00:55]>> When someone has been through trauma, people think that they're damaged. So one of the common fallacies in dating is that I don't want to date anyone with trauma. And I had that thought when I was younger, too. But it's the wrong way of to think about it. The way I think about it is if someone has trauma and they face that trauma and they're able to overcome it, they become stronger as a result of it. So I like people with trauma who's dealt with it. Now someone who has trauma who's never dealt with it and they just kind of spiral out of control and they're at this big ball of chaotic energy, that's not good. When someone's raised without a lot of trauma, their life is perfect, they're very stable and healthy, usually as a good thing, right? But then sometimes that person when they experience the first hardship, they're like, "Oh, I don't know what to do. I never had hardships before." So there's pros and cons to both. I just cuz someone had trauma doesn't make them a bad [music] person. It's how they responded to that trauma that makes them who they are today.

[00:01:44]>> parts, the angry parts, you know, and I feel that you're going to break the cycle of the kinds of guys you attract when you embody more of your full self versus just the version of you that you think is acceptable. This therapist is a woman, right? So when we relate to people that are similar to us, right?

[00:01:59]For example, with those of you guys watching, a lot of my clients are like, "I understand you. I know you understand Asian experience in America." They relate to me because of my avatar. This particular therapist, she's a Asian-American girl who's very accomplished, and the girls are relating to her because she has authority in terms of the life path that she took.

[00:02:15][music] It's very similar to theirs.

[00:02:16]However, you can see the guys kind of tuning out because a lot of these issues are specific to the girls themselves, Asian-American girls. If I was there, I can probably get the guys to open up a little bit more. [music] Yeah. But the guys in their 20s usually are not as open to it. I've found that there's this tipping point around 29-30 where guys are open more to therapeutic [music] interventions to improve their behaviors and their trauma. But these girls are doing great. Got [music] to give them props.

[00:02:38]>> and that people like. So in some ways, like being less perfect and more messy is actually going to find you better love.

[00:02:46]I'm like scared to do Yeah, but you're here. This is the first step. Good job, Rae.

[00:02:54]Thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing.

[00:02:56]You good? Yeah. Watching this, I actually related to Rae. A lot of Asian girls will relate to this because it's a common way to raise kids in Asian culture. So I get the affinity to it.

[00:03:10]Okay, so each person gets into their own room, they put on headphones, and this therapist basically walks them through this is what we call visualization exercise, yeah? Um there's different variations of it. In Tony Robbins' events, you we do the same thing. The whole room gets really dark, you're asked to close your eyes, and you're visualizing. Tony Robbins' event, you're visualizing what you want now, visualizing the future, and you're visualizing this kind of emotion moving towards what you want to be and letting go of what you don't want. And so you're associating pain with the present and pleasure with moving towards the through ideal future. And the visualization makes you basically stretches apart and make you want to move this way. In their case, this particular visualization exercise is about letting go and healing from the trauma of the past, okay? I don't know.

[00:03:53]It was never because you weren't lovable.

[00:03:56]This is great because she's able to talk to them one-on-one and they're all in different rooms rather than a group session. It's very hard to do this. It's almost impossible to do this in a group session. So the way this is organized was really well done.

[00:04:06]>> The way they are, um >> [snorts] >> Yeah, so I think it made me a lot more closed off, for sure.

[00:04:20]>> [music] >> The guys are chill. They look like they're falling asleep, yeah. It doesn't resonate with them as much, okay? Not at this point in their lives.

[00:04:27]>> certain culture of like, let's talk about our feelings, like let's let's come together and talk about it, but it never works. So it's like, yeah, maybe I should shut the [ __ ] up. So I really related to her in that sense. Um That was like kind of my take on that.

[00:04:47]Yeah, the Asian girls relate to her. So if you had a male coach who, let's assume he's legit, he would probably relate more to the guys' side of things, yeah? The the issues that guys have, which is the fear of rejection, the fear of closing the door on someone and making a wrong decision, the fear of not achieving what we wanted to achieve, um the fear of being judged and being ridiculed and losing our value. [music] So those are the things that guys face.

[00:05:08]The things that women face are a little bit different, even though the emotions are the same, the [music] situations are different for men and women. resonate with as many guys just because like we bury our feelings to the point where it's not even like existent. That's why I think I think I think the guys, yeah, fall [snorts] asleep.

[00:05:27]She may correctly noted that the guys are not relating as much, yeah? And I think it's because of the therapist's ex-area of expertise. It's also possible they're young guys in their 20s and they're just having a good time and they're not thinking that much about it.

[00:05:39]And it's also possible that they may haven't had that much trauma. We know for sure that Jay has a lot of trauma cuz he talked about it, but the other guys, I'm not sure. Because I'm the only one like in my family who speak English.

[00:05:49]So um I kind of like I I talk when I talk, I was talking in English to try to talk to them.

[00:05:58]So this is also kind of how I feel in the family.

[00:06:03]They can't understand me. Yeah. Yeah, it's not just the English that they can't understand. They can't understand your way of thinking. They're just in a different generation, [music] and old Chinese people very stubborn. They're very stubborn, most of them, okay? For my mom as well.

[00:06:16]Um He was an alcoholic. And it was just really tough from seeing my mom go through like depression. Yumiko talked about her dad being alcoholic, her mom going through depression, and she because of those things, she's very independent, yeah? My parents tried to raise me not Asian, I think.

[00:06:35]>> Okay. Uh That's [ __ ] up. Um Which is weird cuz [snorts] you you're trying to be like as white as you can cuz I think that's like that's going to like push you further in life.

[00:06:47]>> Oh, hell no. Right. Like I literally don't have that thing. Immigrants here.

[00:06:51]Yeah. And I I don't know any other language other than English, and like That's so sad that her his parents said that to him. It's so unfair that they did that to him. I don't really connect with any of my like Asian heritage or whatever, but >> That's one of the reasons why I think Mac lacks an identity [music] because he's trying to be something that he's not. And it's not even his fault, it's the way his parents raised [music] him, okay? So it's kind of [ __ ] up, in my opinion. And this is there's no fault of his own, by the way.

[00:07:15]>> And I also feel a little bit excluded from like the white community. Yeah. I think You will always feel excluded from the white community because [music] you're not part of the community. It's just because of how you look. So that connection will never be made, you'll always be a foreigner. So why not embrace your origins in the first place?

[00:07:29]I think his parents made a huge mistake here. I think that was kind of something that I'm like starting to unpack here.

[00:07:35]Good on you, Mac. Good on you. Yeah, I do feel like out of place a lot.

[00:07:38]>> looking at him, like he always looks out of place, yeah? But I think by acknowledging this, this is the first step for him to find his grounding and to find his identity. And once he has a strong identity, he's not going to be a pushover anymore. He's not going to just put up with anything. He's going to know who he is. I would say for me, I didn't really know who I was as a man until like 27-28, yeah? Realistically. I know women mature a little bit earlier. I find girls know a little bit earlier, like around 25-26, but for me, it was around 27 when I felt like a strong grounding of this [music] is who I am as a person. So even if it was that late for me, don't rush it. If you're in your early 20s, take your time. Do the things you want to do, experiment. Ask the questions you need to ask to find out who you really are. If you go to highintegrityskills.com/40, you can download seven conversation starters that actually work. I'll show you my seven best openers that I've tested with clients, hundreds of them, over the last 15 years. I'll also give you in that same cheat sheet seven of my best online messages that actually get girls flirting with you and going on a date with you, okay? Just go to highintegrityskills.com/40.

[00:08:37]>> Do you have a memory of your earliest unsafety feeling of unsafety as a kid?

[00:08:42]Um my my middle school.

[00:08:44]Okay.

[00:08:45]>> Middle school going into high school.

[00:08:47]Okay. Can you remember like something that happened? I always feel like um I was just overthinking it, like it's not that serious.

[00:08:56]>> So you don't have to say it, but I'm curious, do you have a specific visual memory?

[00:09:01]Before we get into the visual memory, so Hannah said, "I was overthinking, it's not that serious." So here's the thing about trauma. Trauma is not the level of like facts of events that happened.

[00:09:11]Trauma is the perception of the event that happened. For example, one client could be really traumatized. So he said one time my mom, he she was holding my hand, I was a little kid, and she said, "Oh, I forgot something from the car. I do have to go back and get it." And she let go of his hand, and she went back to the car. And he said, "You know, she came back in like 10 minutes, but that moment when she let go of my hands, that was very traumatic for me. I like abandoned. I felt like she left me alone, yeah? Now, to another kid, it would just be like another day, like, "Oh, yeah, Mom went to get her keys, and now she's back. Yay, let's have fun."

[00:09:41]Trauma is the impact and the meaning that the person associated with the event that happened to them. For some people, they have to have their arms blown off or fight in a war or some sexual thing. For others, it could just be a slight. So it's not fair for us to determine what trauma means for somebody. And the a good therapist knows that.

[00:09:59]>> Body's going into the the fight or flight right now. Yeah, I'm like Yeah, that's okay. The this therapist chose to go back to the earliest memory of Hannah having the trauma. But, because it's a group setting, I actually think this is a technical mistake. I think it's quite hard to do. I think in a group setting you can go to like the medium part [music] where something's a little bit traumatic and then try to release that.

[00:10:19]And then with the one-on-one sessions, if she can afford it, um cuz therapists are expensive, then you release the more you go further and further deep into it once the client trusts you. She or he knows that you have the expertise to lead them correctly. The danger with trauma release is that if you draw the trauma out and you don't release it, the trauma stays there and actually affects the client more.

[00:10:39]>> But like at the end, um my like hope was going away, but um I think your exercise like really made me um realize that like I can still like love or like I can still like receive it. Yeah, she's deserving of love. She can give love and she can receive love, correct?

[00:10:59]>> Because I also experienced some So, um Hannah's like, "I'm not comfortable with a big group." So, they sent the guys away and it's only the girls. I actually think this should be more of a one-on-one session regardless. They start doing the trauma uh release exercise just with the girls. The lights are dimmed [music] and Hannah the guys walk out and uh Richard was nice enough to ask her if you need a jacket. They bring her jacket for her and they do a trauma release with [music] her.

[00:11:22]>> Remember something positive in the last 7 days. Getting along with the girls.

[00:11:27]Okay, what's the image?

[00:11:30]Um talking and laughing. Yeah, what's the thought?

[00:11:35]Connecting. Yeah, you feel good. I like being here. Mhm. Ashley is the leader of the group. Yeah, you can tell they all look up to her. Comes with her personality.

[00:11:44]>> Okay, what's the emotion?

[00:11:46]Satisfied. Okay, where do you feel that?

[00:11:50]In my heart. Okay, [snorts] nice. Is it like warm and fuzzy?

[00:11:54]Mhm. Okay, good. You can let that go on your next breath.

[00:11:58]Remember you're completely safe. We're just going to a memory, okay? So, you know in this room, you got your girls, you're So, this particular therapeutic exercise, what the therapist is trying to do is feel something good, the last good thing, satisfied, warm and fuzzy.

[00:12:10]And then with that feeling, you go into the negative emotion and you show the negative emotion. Why is she doing this?

[00:12:14]I'll explain in a second.

[00:12:15]>> safe. We're just going to go back to this memory that you're telling me about when you were a kid.

[00:12:22]Yeah. You see the body change right away. She was like confident, feeling happy, and now she's feeling the trauma and her body language completely shifted, okay?

[00:12:30]>> [music] >> This is a trauma response. Mhm.

[00:12:35]Okay, so left or right hand? Just lift it up. Yeah, good. And and do what?

[00:12:40]>> And just pierce it into this screen in front of you, the screenshot. Okay, she's doing something different than I do here. So, she basically visualizes it and like you're piercing something and turning it and moving it along. I have a different strategy. I actually talk about it in one of my books. It's called PEACE, p i t. And I've done it on a few clients and every time it's worked.

[00:12:59]Basically, you feel one emotion really strongly and then you feel like negative emotion and you go back and forth. And with the right guidance, you feel both emotions. And this was actually developed by a really unknown psychiatrist back like over 100 years ago and it kind of got lost in the literature. But my mentor found it and he shared it with me and I was like, "Oh [ __ ] this works." It helped me a lot when I was going through a difficult time. So, the idea is that the brain cannot simultaneously hold two contracting emotions at once.

[00:13:25]>> [music] >> And once you bring up the positive and the negative and you put them together, it dissipates both of them. And you end up feeling kind of at peace, okay?

[00:13:31][music] I don't usually do that cuz I'm not a licensed therapist, but I have done that on many friends and clients and when they ask me to and it has worked extremely [music] well. We're going to have you slowly turn 180 and as you turn, you can lower your hand gradually. She's anchoring the movement to [music] the emotion. Turn to the opposite wall.

[00:13:49]Take your time.

[00:13:50]Good. And then just breathe here. Oh.

[00:13:55]You might notice more emotions come through. That's natural.

[00:14:01]We've just released this frozen memory from your system. So, you might notice tears come through.

[00:14:09]Yeah, let the tears come. You can relax.

[00:14:12]Let the tears flow. There are different types of emotional release exercises and the key is you got to experiment with which ones work for you. For me, I had to release the trapped emotions because it was causing psychosomatic pain. And so, I tried over like 10 different methods and eventually I found two that worked for me. And [music] actually I've learned how to do it with other patients and sorry, I shouldn't say patients, with other clients and it's helped them a lot, too. So, you can start reading about emotional release techniques and [music] from the right sources and you start getting an idea of what works for you to release your emotions. The idea is that we all experience emotions in our everyday lives and but what happens is it's like a recycling bin and it starts accumulating trash. [music] And if you accumulate too much trash, those emotions start affecting your health, the way you interact with other people.

[00:14:54]You ever see someone just get really ticked off for no reason? It's because they've been accumulating anger uh trapped [music] anger emotions that just explode at a certain point, right? So, having emotional release on a regular basis is like cleansing your body of trapped emotions and negative emotions.

[00:15:09][music] And I highly recommend the Emotions Code, Dr. Bradley Nelson. I've trained with him in person before and uh it helped me a lot and I just release my emotions like once every month now cuz I released all of them in the past. And now the new emotions that come up, I just do it once a month and it and it basically I feel [music] perfectly fine.

[00:15:23]You guys will notice when I talk about my old stories. If you met me 10 years ago and I talked about my bullying in high school, I would start crying. But now when I talk about it, I don't cry anymore because I've accepted it. All the emotions that I felt that were trapped back then have been released.

[00:15:35]So, I can talk about my sad past, sad {quote} {unquote} relatively to me, but I don't have any negative emotions around it anymore. So, find the release technique [music] that works for you.

[00:15:45]Yeah.

[00:15:51]Props to Hannah for going through this.

[00:15:53]Uh good job.

[00:15:55]You did an amazing Yeah, you can just sit where When you release your emotions, your body will feel really tired.

[00:16:04]>> [snorts] >> Cuz it's like a it's like your body's um configuration has changed. You might feel a little bit hungry. You might feel a little bit tired, a little bit sad.

[00:16:13]You might feel lighter. There's a certain release that happens. And that release can make you feel lighter, but your body usually will feel tired as well afterwards, okay? So, drink a lot of water if you do emotional release work. [music] >> You want to put your back on the couch if you like. Turn around. Yeah.

[00:16:27]Your body doesn't have to hold so tight [music] anymore. You can relax.

[00:16:32]So, I when I was stuck, I also learned different types of physiological release techniques. For example, Rolfing, the Alexander Technique, somatic movements.

[00:16:40]So, sometimes the emotions are trapped in parts of your body and I there's ways to release them. And I released parts of my body and when I pressed it and after some work, it was gone. You can literally feel the emotion, the memory come back and then it gets released.

[00:16:53]You're like, "Oh my god, I was trapping this particular emotion in my abdominal muscles from that one experience I had."

[00:16:58]And it's just like let it go. Okay, this is one of the tricks actually that I use to not tricks, techniques I use to help girls release their emotions in their pelvic floor and their abdominal muscles. And once the emotion's gone, whether through physiology work or through mental therapeutic work, the pathway the energy pathways become more open. They can feel the full emotion and a lot of women who like can't have full body orgasms, now they can have full body orgasms. So, it's it's one way to like make your partner really happy emotionally and physiologically, okay?

[00:17:27]Thank you guys so much. We love you.

[00:17:29]We're here. How are you?

[00:17:31]That was crazy. I was so brave. Hey, let's go sit together. My body that I literally I don't think I've [music] ever felt in my life. My whole body was shaking and then suddenly I was just so calm after the trauma release. That was [music] That was pretty crazy. Beautiful. Now, keep in mind, when you release trauma, this is called emotional recycling. You ever break up with someone and you feel really angry at them and you're like shouting at the wall and then you feel okay, but then the anger comes back a few weeks later. So, emotions don't go away one time. You have to recycle it.

[00:18:03]So, each time you recycle it, the emotion anchor strong. [music] Next time you do it, a little bit weaker. Next time you do it, a little bit weaker.

[00:18:09]Eventually, after so much recycling, the emotion just dissipates and the last time you recycle, you don't feel it anymore. I don't feel anger with this person anymore and you let it go, okay? So, one session is usually not enough and you have to recycle it with different emotions and different memories. So, for example, anger with this my dad, right?

[00:18:27][music] Sadness with my ex-girlfriend.

[00:18:29]Each one has a different process that you need to release. At first, you have to do a lot of work because you've trapped emotions from your whole lifetime. The first time you do this work, it's all there. Like all the trash accumulated in 22 years of Hannah's life, right? But once you do the work and they're released, then in the future, all you have to do is release the new emotions that come in cuz the past is already gone. Does that make sense? So, I want you guys to look at this and say, "Ooh, I can do this for myself. Let me go learn some of these techniques. Let me find a therapist who's qualified to do this >> [music] >> and slowly learn the technique, work with a therapist, then maybe get good enough to do it on your own. And then you just become like a just trash recycling machine where you don't accumulate negative emotions anymore and you can learn to let them go. And what happens then? Your life becomes great because you can just live life without [music] carrying this burden, like this brick you're carrying. You see people carrying the emotional weight of their past around them and you can see it in everything they do.

[00:19:20]>> [music] >> And the the weight is gone, okay? It's really beautiful. So, I highly recommend you guys from watching this episode and perhaps my explanation of it to go find your own emotional release exercises.

[00:19:29]There's a lot of people out there that go through these type of situations where we can't like speak up about [music] it. And I've been through these things and I would want to know if these other girls have been through it, too, and that I'm proud of Hannah.

[00:19:42]I'm proud of the girls, too, for supporting her. I'm not proud of the guys, too, for not interfering and and being supportive. I wish that more young people had access to this. I didn't learn any about any of this until I was in my 30s and um >> [music] >> by then I had accumulated a lot of emotions and those trapped emotions influenced me to make a lot of bad decisions [music] that I probably wouldn't have made if I let go of these earlier. I think good therapists are hard to find, but I think every person deserves a good therapist. [music] As a matter of fact, I think it should be like a public health benefit.

[00:20:10]>> [laughter] >> Unfortunately, we're never going to get that. So, you're going to have to do the work to find [music] the affordable therapist or maybe you start reading psychology books on your own and start learning some of these exercises so you can let go of your negative emotions.

[00:20:21][music] Okay? I hope this episode is helpful. I know it's really long and maybe a little bit boring than the other ones, but I thought it was important to make and I got to give props to Jimmy [music] and the whole team over there that made this possible. A lot of dating shows you see them and just like drama drama exploit exploit, but here he's actually doing something real and that's awesome. [music] It's very unique. You know they get Mark um Mark Wahlberg from uh Temptation [music] Island? I don't like that guy. I don't like that guy. You know why? Cuz he pretends to be a therapist. He's like, "Oh, how are you couples doing?" Blah blah blah and then they take that information [music] and the show exploits them. That is an exploitative show. It's [ __ ] up. I don't think Jimmy's doing that here. I think this is great. They're having fun.

[00:20:59]>> [music] >> They get some party scenes. They make the things they need to make for the show to be popular, but since season 2, [music] even in season 1, he did a small version of this. He took the time to let people talk about the real stuff that really matters. Okay? So, I love this format. Good job. Don't watch Temptation Island. It's really a piece of [ __ ] show. They basically abusers abusing [ __ ] up people's emotions for [music] ratings, okay? Watch uh House of Feelings instead. I'll see you in the next one. Enjoy. If you are a single guy looking to level up your dating life, you need to check out our new community on School, Social Skills Decoded. Inside you will find exclusive weekly meetings where you can ask me anything from rating your pictures [music] to going through your online profile to styling advice to analyzing your texts and breaking down exactly what you need to do to get that cute girl and break through your sticking points. [music] Inside this group you'll also get weekly mock dates with my female model friends so you can practice talking to cute girls in a realistic way before taking your skills into the real world. You also get full access to my new master course, 30 Days to Dating Freedom, plus four mini courses you won't find anywhere else. And you'll get access to a community of ambitious like-minded guys who are serious about achieving dating freedom. No negativity, no fluff, just results. You'll even be able to see our full community map and connect with the members in the group in real life.

[00:22:24]Several of our members have already had in real life meetings just from hitting people up in their city. If you've been watching my videos and thinking, "I want to go deeper and I want [music] accountability." This is where you need to be. Check out the link in the YouTube description or go to school.com/socialskills and let's start transforming your [music] dating life together.