The Dark Reality of Black Mothers

Añadido: 2026-05-09

[00:00:01][music] >> Did your mom cause you any pain or trauma? Well, I'm going to be diving deep into the dark reality of black motherhood.

[00:00:15]>> [music] >> First, let me say not all black moms fall into these categories that I'm about to talk about, but these exact patterns are shown repeatedly in culture, media, and real life. And the root causes are generational trauma, survival-based parenting, which causes mothers to be more controlling than nurturing, lack of emotional regulation being taught, and historical circumstances like black women being forced into independence during a certain era. I go into great detail about all of this in my Who Manufactured Modern Black America video. I highly suggest you watch that one next, and you'll be able to make some connections.

[00:00:50]Now, let's start with black mothers' relationships with their daughters.

[00:00:52]First, we have the jealous or competitive mother. For example, the dynamic between Black China and Tokyo Toni. Why do you act like that? Like what?

[00:01:01]>> that you act. You don't You don't see how you act why people don't want to be around you? No.

[00:01:05]>> Look how you act.

[00:01:06]>> Mhm. I know. A mother who unconsciously views her daughter as a reflection of her failures. They see their daughters receiving the beauty, attention, and opportunity that they could have had before they had them, and this causes them to feel resentment. So, instead of nurturing the daughter, they'll tear her down, humiliate her, compete for attention, and withhold affection. And this is why we continue to see Tokyo Toni publicly disrespect, verbally abuse, and humiliate Black China. She created that demonic name, Black China.

[00:01:35]And I never liked it.

[00:01:37]Cuz it took away Angela. I haven't seen Angela since 19 years old. She's 34.

[00:01:44]Haven't seen her since.

[00:01:46]Still ain't seen her. And as far as I'm concerned, I wish the [ __ ] she never called me. Don't put your dirty demonic fingers to dial my numbers. There's nothing to be jealous of with my daughter from Hollywood to her face to what she have. I have more. I choose not to be on reality shows. What could I be jealous of? I choose not to go into Hollywood. What can I be jealous of? You would curse your child too if they lied on you for 8 years for fame and to stand on your back and nothing else. Why do you bring like you and China's personal family issues to the internet?

[00:02:19]>> Where else am I going to bring it?

[00:02:20]Directly to China, right? If I could call her.

[00:02:24]So, you're blocked?

[00:02:25]She just blocked me recently because I bust her out about a few things and I'm going to continue to do it.

[00:02:30]>> About like how she treats you?

[00:02:32]>> No, I don't care about that. I'm over that. I never have to see her another day in my life. I'll be fine with that.

[00:02:37]>> Are you proud of China?

[00:02:39]Um I used to be. And these are the same moms that'll provoke you then play victim to anybody that'll listen. Okay, all that. What's up? What's your issues?

[00:02:48]I don't have none. You do, Angela. You do. You have a lot OF ISSUES. DARLING, >> ONE ISSUE IS YOU. Back up. You.

[00:02:57]>> Really? What is you? I did nothing to her and she can't to this day explain to me what is it that I've done so bad.

[00:03:04]She's just BEING A YOU DISRESPECT EVERYBODY. [laughter] EVERYBODY. NEXT, we have the abandoning or emotionally absent mother. For example, the mom in the movie Precious.

[00:03:14]I think right now you feeling like you becoming a grown woman.

[00:03:17]Cuz that [ __ ] you pulled in the kitchen, I should have [ __ ] you up. But I let you walk away and I let you come get yourself together. But [ __ ] I'mma let you know if you ever pull that [ __ ] on me again, that will be your last [ __ ] day standing. I promise you that. You going to send a white [ __ ] to my [ __ ] buzzer talking about some HIGHER EDUCATION. YOU'RE A DUMMY YOU WILL NEVER KNOW [ __ ] DON'T NOBODY want you. Don't nobody need you.

[00:03:42]>> A mother who is physically present sometimes, if you're lucky, but emotionally unavailable. This can show up as addiction, neglect, choosing a man over their kids, emotional unpredictability, and parentifying the kids causing the children to grow up too fast. And this is why the mom was okay with Precious being sexually abused by her own father while she just laid up drinking and smoking. According to Precious files, she has now had two children >> [clears throat] >> by your boyfriend, the late Carl Kenwood Jones, who was also her father. Yeah.

[00:04:12]This is accurate. Yes, Ms. Weiss. She was three.

[00:04:19]I did what my mother told me that I was supposed to do with my child.

[00:04:25]So, that's what I did. I had a man and I have a child. I had to take care of both of them. We would start doing it and he reached over and he touched my baby and I asked him, I said, "Carl, what are you doing?"

[00:04:40]And he told me >> [gasps] >> to shut to shut my fat ass up and it was good for her. And what did you do then?

[00:04:47]I shut my fat ass up. You shut up and you let him abuse your daughter. I did not want him to abuse my daughter. I did not want him to hurt her. I did not want him to do nothing to her. I wanted him to make love to me. That was my man.

[00:04:59]That was my [ __ ] man. He wanted my daughter.

[00:05:03]And that's why I hated [laughter] her because my man, who was supposed to be loving me, who was supposed to be making love to me, was [ __ ] my baby. She made him So, whose fault was It's this bitch's fault because she let my man have her [laughter] and she didn't say nothing.

[00:05:21]She didn't scream. She didn't do nothing. Next, we have the controlling or sacrificial guilt mother. For example, the mom in Madea's Family Reunion. Now, what is wrong with you?

[00:05:31]You're so mopey when you should be so excited. I'm not, Mom.

[00:05:36]Oh, I know. You just have cold feet.

[00:05:38]That's all. That's normal. He hates me.

[00:05:41]When?

[00:05:44]Often.

[00:05:47]Well, you must stop doing what you're doing to make him angry.

[00:05:51]What?

[00:05:53]Women sometimes have to deal with things to be comfortable.

[00:05:58]Mom?

[00:05:59]Listen, you listen.

[00:06:02]Now, it's time for you to grow up.

[00:06:04]Of course you're going to marry him.

[00:06:07]What else are you going to do? Work in a bridal shop like your sister? Now, just be a good wife.

[00:06:14]Do what the man says and you won't have any problems. A mother who prioritizes survival over safety and emotional security. They saw their mother stay with an abusive man for financial stability. They stay with an abusive man for financial stability. And now they expect their kids to stay with an abusive man for financial stability.

[00:06:30]These are the same women that push the stick beside your man mindset, all men cheat mindset, and the you got to struggle to survive mindset. This happens due to generational poverty, having a survival mentality, normalized abuse, fear of instability, and the belief that struggle equals strength.

[00:06:47]And this is why the mom allowed her daughter to be sexually abused in her own marriage. And she let him come in and me. That is not true.

[00:06:56]>> Yes, it is true. And you're going to tell her. You are going to tell her. He asked me for you.

[00:07:03]I had done everything I could for our family. Everything I could to please him.

[00:07:07]If we were going to be comfortable, I had to make some hard, hard decisions.

[00:07:12]Then she continued to hate that said daughter because that marriage didn't work out. Now, let's move on to the black moms of sons. First, we have the overprotective or enmeshed mother. For example, the mom and baby boy. She don't understand how much I love her, right?

[00:07:26]You know what I mean, mama? I cheat. I do what I do, but I'm good. I take her back and forth to work every day. I fix the car when it need fixing. I give her money on the phone bill and put groceries in the house when I stay over there. I even rub her feet sometimes.

[00:07:40]She say I'm selfish. You ever look at it from her point of view?

[00:07:44]You ever think about if you was Yvette and she was you, Jody? What would you do if Yvette [ __ ] around on you, took your car, and left you in a hot ass house all day with a baby? Taking her side, Mom?

[00:07:54]>> Wait a minute, hold it. All I'm saying is you may be a little selfish. Look at me.

[00:08:00]You have got to think of her as a woman.

[00:08:03]How would you like it if somebody did all that [ __ ] you do to Yvette to me?

[00:08:06]Well, your daddy used to do some of the same dumb [ __ ] you doing now.

[00:08:10]I just know how Yvette feels and where she's coming from. A mother who emotionally attaches to her son in a very unhealthy way, resulting in her babying him, defending him whether he's right or wrong, and emotionally relying on him. And this can cause a son to be overly dependent on his mom, emotionally over attached, territorial, and it can stunt his growth. If this behavior persists as an adult, it causes these men to grow up struggling with accountability, maturity, and independence. And this is why Jody's mom was finally fed up when she got her a man and fell in love. She found the weeds you was growing on the side of her tomatoes. Go ahead and tell her about it so she can get off my case. You did it, huh? Yeah. Kick his ass out, Mom. Mel, what were you thinking about? Getting blazed. I'm sorry.

[00:08:54]It won't happen again.

[00:08:57]Oh, so it's cool now?

[00:08:59]When it was on me, it was World War III.

[00:09:01]You can't stand the truth?

[00:09:02]>> I NEED YOU TO SHUT UP. OH, THE TRUTH HURT, DON'T IT? HOW YOU THINK I FEEL?

[00:09:06]YOU UP IN HERE LAID UP WITH THIS THUG YOU DON'T even know who want to kick me out the house so we could be around here doing whatever. I can take care of myself. Am I all up in your business with all the little hookers you run around with? No, I don't think so. So, I NEED THE SAME RESPECT, JODY. THIS MY HOUSE, TOO. YOUR HOUSE?

[00:09:25]YOUR HOUSE? DO you pay any bills up in this mother Do you fix anything around here?

[00:09:31]When's the last time you paid a bill?

[00:09:34]All you do is eat, sleep, and [ __ ] THIS IS MY HOUSE. MINE.

[00:09:39]AND IF I WANT TO BRING A MAN ALL UP IN THROUGH HERE, I'LL BRING A MAN ALL UP IN THROUGH HERE. THAT'S MY SAY, NOT YOURS.

[00:09:46]NOW, I KEEP quiet around here out of love and respect for your mom.

[00:09:50]But you need to grow up and be a man.

[00:09:51]You got a Oedipus complex. You want your mama to be your woman. He's for like you. Jody, that's enough. You need to move.

[00:10:04]ARE YOU A [ __ ] IDIOT? I TOLD YOU I DON'T YOU DON'T [ __ ] WITH ME. YOU [ __ ] I'M LEAVING. [ __ ] NO. NO, I'M LEAVING. AND I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS.

[00:10:12]YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU LEAVE THIS [ __ ] HOUSE. NO, NO, NO. I WILL.

[00:10:15]YOU DID THIS [ __ ] BEFORE, TOO. I WILL [ __ ] KILL YOU. DON'T [screaming] DO THIS OVER ME. YOU'RE FLESH AND BLOOD, YOUR CHILD. YOU ARE NOT A BABY ANYMORE.

[00:10:25]YOU ARE NOT A CHILD. NOW, WE GOT ANOTHER VARIANT OF this type of mom, but it's a whole lot worse, and I'm pretty sure y'all heard about them, the boy moms.

[00:10:33]Now, I'm a boy mom, and I can honestly say some of y'all boy moms are very [ __ ] weird. Treating your son as if he is a placeholder for your man is weird. Running off every girl that tries to talk to your son or just naturally being mean to the girl who's trying to talk to your son is weird, and you need to be checked out. Feeling like nobody is good enough for your son and doing everything for your son, waiting on your son hand and foot, and all that other weird [ __ ] that's weird. You're creating a whole different type of man, and us women, we can tell when a man has had that type of mother who has coddled him and treated him like he's her man.

[00:11:13]We all can tell, and it's not the man that we want.

[00:11:15]>> Hi. Oh, I don't give hugs. You can have a seat right there, though. Oh, okay.

[00:11:21]What was your name again? Lena.

[00:11:23]Cute. Carter, which club did you meet her at? Actually, we met in the library at Harvard. Oh, excuse me.

[00:11:30]>> [laughter] >> Every time my son brings a girl around, it never really lasts long.

[00:11:35]I guess they can't take coming in second to his mother. Oh, don't worry about me.

[00:11:38]Your son told me all about you and how you think he's your man. Been scaring them poor girls away like that. You done met your match with me. Excuse me? I'm not the one to play with. No hard feelings. I just didn't want you to get your little heart broken. I mean, if I'm being honest, you're not even his type.

[00:11:54]>> have ever dated a man with a mama that was like obsessed with him, thinking that like that's her boyfriend or husband, baby, you entitled to compensation. I used to date a man like this and it was terrible. Boy moms are so weird. They feel like they're entitled to everything. They always have to have some type of say-so on the relationship or something going on in his life. He can't think for himself. She got to put her input into it everything. She'll speak nega- negatively about you so that her son thinks about you in a different light. She don't want him in a relationship in the first place because she wants him all to herself with her nasty ass. A mother who uses their son to replace a man. Now, this behavior is more prominent with single mothers, but don't get it twisted. Even if the mom has a boyfriend or a husband that she settled for, she will still use her son to fill the void of whatever her man isn't providing for her, which can be very emotionally draining for the son.

[00:12:51]Now, if you're dealing with a real man, he'll put all that in check. Once he got his woman and he tired of his mama overstepping his boundaries, he'll speak up for the both of you. You don't even got to say nothing. And mamas of black boys, please hear this.

[00:13:04]You are not your son's number one when he get a woman. She is supposed to be his number one if you raised a man. Now, if you raised a boy, YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND ACT LIKE you in competition with your daughter-in-law.

[00:13:19]But I'm not cuz my son found his good thing. She covers him and I told you the other day, I I know why you cover him a little bit more than I do. Cuz she she does what she's supposed to do for her man and he does what he's supposed to do for his wife. If you're a woman and you have a son and that son starts dating other women and you always in their business, always speaking when nobody asked you, always giving your opinion, always being rude, disrespectful, and weird towards that girl, you need to seek help. It's very evident what your issue is and it's not the girl. Some of y'all be in love with y'all sons and y'all don't want to admit that. Y'all feel like he is the man of y'all dreams.

[00:14:00]He's not. When you see your son loving somebody the way you want to be loved, now all of a sudden you got a problem, you got an issue, you making an issue with everything this girl do. And then when they start having kids together, you become that weird grandmother, weird and obsessive. You think that's your child? No.

[00:14:18]That's weird. Stay in your place. Some of y'all need to learn to stay in y'all place.

[00:14:21]>> Next, we have the controlling co-parent mother. For example, the mom from Boyz n the Hood.

[00:14:26]>> Because Trey is going to live with his father. His father? Yes, his father. Or did you think we made babies by ourselves? What was our agreement? What did we put down in writing? I, Trey Styles, being of sound mind and body, agree not to get into any disputes, whether physical or verbal, for the rest of the school year. If I do not conform to this agreement, I will go to live with my father. I just don't want to see you end up dead or in jail, a drunk standing in front of one of these liquor stores.

[00:15:00]Well, here he is. A mother who knows she can't teach her son how to be a man, so she prefers to pass him over to his father the older he gets. This puts them in proximity of male masculinity, structure, discipline, and guidance. But even with knowing that, they still want authority over how the father parents their child. This is due due distrust of men, identity, control, and emotional attachment to the son. This is why the mom got defensive when the father tried to stand his own ground as a parent.

[00:15:29]>> you want to play the mommy and all of that, but Trey is a grown man now. He is not a little boy anymore.

[00:15:35]That time has passed, sweetheart. You missed it. No, you're not getting off that easy. Sit your ass down. Excuse me.

[00:15:41]I said sit your ass down before I raise my voice and make a fool out of both of us. Of course you two can your son, my son.

[00:15:49]Our son.

[00:15:51]And you taught him what he needed to be a man. I'll give you that because most men ain't man enough to do what you did, but that gives you no reason. Do you hear me? No reason to tell me that I can't be a mother to my son. It's no different from what mothers have been doing from the beginning of time. It's just too bad more brothers walked in the same.

[00:16:13]But don't think you're special. You're cute, but not special. So, what type of mom do you have? Let me know in the comments. Thanks for watching. Deuces.

[00:16:22]Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:16:24]Yeah, yeah.

[00:16:25]>> [music] >> Bring it out to my place.