Ted (2012) *First Time Watching* Movie Reaction 🎬🍿

Added: 2026-05-05

[00:00:00]What's up y'all? Welcome to the channel.

[00:00:02]Thank you guys so much for hanging out with me tonight. I am in the mood for a good comedy, which should be no surprise by now. You guys know that I absolutely love crude humor. You can say it's one of my best personality traits, or you can say it's a side effect of growing up with older brothers. Either way you want to look at it, today we're watching Ted, and I'm super pumped for it. First of all, Mark Wahberg. You guys know how I feel about that, man. And second of all, this movie came out when I was in college. The football team loved it and they played it in the lobby all the time. So, of course, walking through I've seen little pieces of it and it looks absolutely hilarious. So, today I finally get to kick back and I get to watch the whole thing with you guys. But if you want to help me out before we do get started, like the video, subscribe to the channel, turn on your post notification bell, and if you want the full length watch along, which will probably come in handy for this because this will be a tighter edit because of the film's rating, that link for Patreon is down in the description. Also, if you're looking for some more fun, check out the after hours here for some exclusive content. Also, if you'd like to see my laugh outside of reactions, my link for Instagram is down in the description and it's going to pop up right here. But thank you guys so much for hanging out with me tonight. I can't wait to just kick back and laugh with y'all. So, let's dive right in.

[00:01:28]It has been said that magic vanished from our world. Submitted here is the story of a little boy and a magical Christmas wish.

[00:01:37]>> It was a star not like the Grinch, which love.

[00:01:42]>> It was Christmas Eve when Boston children gather together and beat up the Jewish kids.

[00:01:50]It's Jesus's birthday tomorrow.

[00:01:53]>> Oh no.

[00:01:54]>> What?

[00:01:55]>> My fist in your [ __ ] face.

[00:01:59]>> Why would Jesus want that?

[00:02:02]>> Jesus want that.

[00:02:06]>> But there was one child who wasn't in >> the name of the Lord.

[00:02:09]>> That one boy in every neighborhood who just has a tough time making friends.

[00:02:14]>> Get out of here, Bennett.

[00:02:16]>> Get lost. Yeah, Bennett. Get lost. Even the kid getting his ass beat.

[00:02:22]Oh.

[00:02:24]>> John longed with all his heart for that one true friend that he could call his own.

[00:02:30]>> Oh my gosh. Is it going to be the teddy bear? This is where it's going.

[00:02:35]>> All the children were opening their gifts with holiday glee.

[00:02:39]>> Oh, Cabbage Patch Kids. I had a Cabbage Patch doll. It's my auntie. And then I cut it and they took it away from me cuz they said, "You don't do that to Cabbage Patch dolls." But like, why not?

[00:02:48]>> Christmas Day brought a very special new arrival.

[00:02:56]>> I guess Santa paid attention how good you were this year, huh?

[00:02:59]>> That's past the size of a teddy bear that I find unintimidating. Stuffed animals to a certain degree in size, they start to get freaky.

[00:03:08]>> There was something about that bear.

[00:03:11]>> I love you.

[00:03:12]>> I love you, too, Teddy. I wish you could really talk to me cuz then we could be best friends forever and ever.

[00:03:21]>> Ever.

[00:03:24]>> It's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter and got it shooting star. Really?

[00:03:44]Teddy.

[00:03:47]>> Teddy.

[00:03:49]Teddy.

[00:03:52]>> Where the little sucker go?

[00:03:55]>> Help me.

[00:03:56]>> Oh, see. See, that's why I have a size limit on stuffed animals. Cuz that's not cute. That's creepy.

[00:04:03]>> You're the one who wished for it, aren't you?

[00:04:06]>> Yeah. We get to be best friends for real.

[00:04:10]>> For real.

[00:04:12]See, I was traumatized by Chucky as a child. Stuff like this isn't like This is not fun to me.

[00:04:20]Drop kick it.

[00:04:21]>> Figured you deserved a little Christmas treat.

[00:04:25]>> Mama put it on him, mama.

[00:04:29]>> Well, that's how much I love you.

[00:04:31]>> That was an outstanding [ __ ] >> Okay, it's clear.

[00:04:35]>> Mom, Dad, guess what? My teddy bear's alive. MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY.

[00:04:43]THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. Except my reflex would have been a jump kick. Mother of the tummy.

[00:04:52]>> Helen, GET MY GUN.

[00:04:53]>> OH, DAD. NO.

[00:04:54]>> GET the gun. Get the gun. Get the >> I didn't mean to scare anybody. I just wanted John and I to be friends.

[00:05:03]>> No.

[00:05:06]I'm so happy the parents had the same reaction. going to make me feel so much better about myself.

[00:05:11]>> It's a Christmas miracle. You're just like the baby Jesus.

[00:05:15]>> Oh, hell no, mama. That was a quick switch.

[00:05:18]>> Out of a Boston suburb comes what is without a doubt the most incredible story.

[00:05:22]>> A young boy.

[00:05:24]>> So, everybody knows about it. They didn't keep it a secret.

[00:05:27]>> Look what Jesus did. Look what JESUS on my kum [ __ ] >> Bam. What's from downtown?

[00:05:45]>> This is weird, guys. This is so weird.

[00:05:49]>> For some reason, I thought you were going to be taller.

[00:05:51]>> I thought you were going to be funnier.

[00:05:53]>> It's crazy. Like, even the micro facial expressions they give the bear makes it definitely seem like it's alive.

[00:05:59]>> Dad, I want a teddy bear.

[00:06:00]>> What did daddy just get you for your birthday? Huh?

[00:06:03]>> A rake.

[00:06:03]>> That's a rake. An excellent rake.

[00:06:06]>> But dad, I want the bear on TV.

[00:06:08]>> Shut up, will you? Daddy's making love to new mommy.

[00:06:12]>> A rake, a hammock, new mommy, all in one conversation is wild.

[00:06:17]>> But through all the fame, Teddy never forgot his very best friend, John.

[00:06:24]>> Oh, >> the thunder can't get us, right?

[00:06:28]>> Nope. We're thunder buddies, and the thunder knows it. We're totally safe.

[00:06:35]Do you promise we'll always be together?

[00:06:38]>> I promise.

[00:06:41]>> Thunder buddies for a life.

[00:06:43]>> A, that's so cute.

[00:06:45]>> So, where are John and Teddy today? No matter how big a splash you make in this world, whether you're Corey Feldman, Justin Bieber, eventually nobody gives a [ __ ] >> Okay, the accent on the little boy is like way too cute for me. And serious question, since that thing's out there walking around and and stuff, I imagine it stinks. So like, how do they bait it since it's stuffed? It's a valid question. All these pictures.

[00:07:22]>> Oh, but you never have to worry about him getting hurt.

[00:07:44]What? It's not shrooms. LOOK AT THIS.

[00:07:47]LOOK AT THAT.

[00:07:53]WHAT?

[00:08:04]OH, please tell me he's a Ewok. Oh, okay. That's cute.

[00:08:17]>> Feel like I haven't seen Ma Kunis in anything in a while.

[00:08:25]Yeah. So, he would like be with him for a laugh. That's like a close best friend relationship obviously.

[00:08:34]Hey, that was a heavy rip. I know. That went straight to the stuffing.

[00:08:40]You ever hear a Boston girl have an orgasm? Oh, YEAH.

[00:08:46]>> OH, GOOD. Now I'm going to stuff my [ __ ] face with Pepperage Farm.

[00:08:52]>> The voice of That's a Family Guy voice.

[00:08:55]>> I don't know that you want to go to a drug deal or a complaint.

[00:08:57]>> No, this I know this guy a long time.

[00:08:58]I've known him since 9/11. You remember I was like, "Oh [ __ ] 911. I got to get high."

[00:09:05]>> Well, I don't know if I could drive.

[00:09:07]>> It's okay. I'll drive you. I feel fine.

[00:09:11]>> Is a license. That feels irresponsible of us to give him a license.

[00:09:20]>> Can he vote?

[00:09:27]>> Oh, Johnny. I'm I'm sorry, man. That that car just came out of nowhere.

[00:09:31]>> The car is literally parked.

[00:09:33]>> Oh, man.

[00:09:34]>> John, >> it's all right. Go, go, go. I'll I'll pull out of here. Hi, Thomas. How are you?

[00:09:48]>> Okay. See, that's See, he shouldn't have got his license.

[00:09:51]>> It's almost 10:00. I know, sir. I'm sorry. It wasn't my fault.

[00:09:55]>> He don't care. He don't care. It's not your fault. Thought you weren't there.

[00:09:59]>> I guess I was I wasn't really prepared for a follow-up question.

[00:10:04]>> You're the new branch manager. All you got to do is not [ __ ] up.

[00:10:08]>> I realize that.

[00:10:09]>> Good. My life could be your life. A cushy $38,000 a year branch manager who's personal friends with Tom Scarret.

[00:10:16]I'm going to show you something I don't like to show people cuz I don't want him treating me differently.

[00:10:20]>> Boom. That's me and Scar.

[00:10:22]>> Who is Scar?

[00:10:24]>> Try and be a little more responsible tomorrow.

[00:10:26]>> I will, sir. I promise not going to let you down, goose.

[00:10:31]Tough gun. So Tom Scarro, I know that.

[00:10:34]>> Oh, is that who Tom Scarret is?

[00:10:37]>> Like we work we worked on my garage two months ago.

[00:10:40]>> If you're friends with them, how do you not know who that is?

[00:10:42]>> You ever uh go miniature golfing with Tom Scarat's wife and her kid? No, you haven't.

[00:10:48]>> Why would you go with his wife and her kid?

[00:10:51]>> Liberty FastTrack Scarret John.

[00:10:54]>> Thank you, sir. Complimentary map of Boston. Thank you for choosing Liberty.

[00:10:58]I heard you got busted.

[00:11:01]>> Is he the voice of Joe on Family Guy? He looks like Joe.

[00:11:04]>> I got [ __ ] wasted last night. And >> literally looks like Joe.

[00:11:09]>> My phone says I texted someone at 3:15 asking them to beat me up. And then at 4:30 I texted the same person saying thanks.

[00:11:20]>> What?

[00:11:21]>> Well, do you think you're part of some like gay beat up underworld? Like one of those gay beat up clubs or something?

[00:11:25]>> Is that a thing?

[00:11:26]>> I don't remember any of it. It was so [ __ ] up. I might be gay. I don't know.

[00:11:30]Hey, do you >> anybody know a nice restaurant? Like something where they give out free bubble gum in the bathrooms. Lori and I have been dating 4 years. Tomorrow I want to take her someplace really nice.

[00:11:38]>> You guys have been going out for 4 years. My longest relationship was like 6 months and then she farted in her sleep. I'm like I'm >> Oh, come on. Nobody's expecting anybody to propose. I mean, marriage isn't Why?

[00:11:52]I mean, isn't love enough? I mean, I submit that love is enough.

[00:11:55]>> Put the ring in her ass. Let her farted out.

[00:12:05]Oh, stop.

[00:12:10]Can't move on past that. Can't move on.

[00:12:16]>> [ __ ] yeah. Flash.

[00:12:18]>> Yeah, Flash.

[00:12:20]I mean, you don't think she's going to be expecting something big, do you?

[00:12:23]>> What? Like anal?

[00:12:26]>> It's been 4 years, Johnny. You and me have been together for 27 years. Where's my ring? Where's my ring, [ __ ] >> He's piecing off on him knowing he don't feel anything from those little furry fists.

[00:12:37]>> It's a terrible idea. I mean, you got the economy, you got the the credit bubble, the Supreme Court. I mean, look at >> I don't think he wants him to get married.

[00:12:45]>> Who are you? Quarterback, New York Jet.

[00:12:47]>> This is the American fantasy right here.

[00:12:50]Is that show any good?

[00:12:53]>> What do you got there?

[00:12:54]>> Turkey burgers.

[00:12:54]>> Oh, turkey burgers. Are we having homosexuals over for dinner?

[00:13:00]>> I love turkey burgers.

[00:13:02]>> How's your [ __ ] boss?

[00:13:03]>> Rex is fine. He only hit on me once today. So, >> hey Johnny, how about a beer? Huh?

[00:13:07]>> You know what? I think I too want a Martina Never Tooi.

[00:13:10]>> Oh, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. Don't ruin it. No.

[00:13:14]>> Well, I just thought we were saying funny names.

[00:13:16]>> No, no. It has It has to have a ski at the end of it. Otherwise, where's a challenge?

[00:13:22]>> They found the missing hikers. They said they got separated and one of them had his foot stuck under a rock for like 5 days.

[00:13:28]>> If your leg got trapped under a rock, I'd chew it off to get you free. Is that cannibalism?

[00:13:32]>> No, I think it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

[00:13:35]>> Yeah.

[00:13:36]>> Chao Bella is a really expensive restaurant. So, >> no, no, no. Four years we've been going out, I'm taking you to the best place in town. I've been crapping out room for it for two days. I mean, I know exactly what I'm going to order.

[00:13:48]Mhm.

[00:13:51]>> [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] >> Thunder.

[00:13:55]>> A little thunder.

[00:13:55]>> I am not.

[00:13:59]>> No.

[00:14:01]No.

[00:14:03]>> All right. Come on. Let's sing the thunder song.

[00:14:05]>> All right. When you hear the sound of thunder.

[00:14:08]>> No.

[00:14:10]>> And say these magic words. [ __ ] you thunder.

[00:14:17]You can't get me thunder cuz you're just God's fat.

[00:14:21]>> I'M I'M breaking up with you. I'm breaking up with you. I'm breaking up with you. That's wild. At that age, no.

[00:14:34]I can't believe they just did that. And it was the way he ran ran in the room.

[00:14:38]The way his footsteps even sounded, the little breath he was taking. Baby could not wait to get to his thunder buddy.

[00:14:45]That's >> right. My boyfriend can't sleep through a thunderstorm without his teddy bear.

[00:14:48]>> I don't understand why you keep putting up with him.

[00:14:50]>> Yeah, >> we put it up with him.

[00:14:53]>> I mean, the guy's 35 and he's working for a rental car service.

[00:14:57]>> Girls, >> you should give him an ultimatum. It's you or the bear.

[00:15:01]>> No, I can't do that. That would devastate him. Besides, what what if he chose Ted?

[00:15:07]>> Yeah, what if he chose Ted? Sorry if I'm interrupting any private girl talk about Channing Tatum's index finger, but Lori, what >> the thing is, Rex, I have a lot of work I need to get to.

[00:15:18]>> No, this is work. I swear.

[00:15:21]>> Is he Is that Joe Mccel? I think he is in a TV series that you guys have been suggesting because, you know, we're looking for a sitcom to replace Lasso in The Office.

[00:15:30]>> Check this out.

[00:15:32]>> That's me on the high school diving team.

[00:15:34]>> A high school photo.

[00:15:36]>> Now, if you look close, face.

[00:15:40]>> You can see the outline of my root.

[00:15:42]>> Magnifying glass.

[00:15:46]>> I have a boyfriend. I've told you this.

[00:15:48]>> Yeah, the guy with the bear.

[00:15:51]>> Oh, the guy with the bear.

[00:15:53]>> I mean, with my top of the pyramid Caucasian jeans and your >> dark beautiful smoky Baltic check.

[00:16:01]>> Goodbye, Rex.

[00:16:09]No, no.

[00:16:13]Oh, don't. Ew. I hate his character instantly now. Like, he was already unlikable. Yeah, it was kind of funny. U But the seat thing did it. I hate him.

[00:16:24]Ghost instant hatred.

[00:16:28]We've been dating for four years. And hey, all those rich black people can't be wrong, right?

[00:16:36]You know, you had no business being out on that dance floor, but I'm really happy that you were.

[00:16:44]>> Oh, yeah. Chris Brown can do no wrong.

[00:16:46]>> Wow, you can really move.

[00:16:48]>> Chris Brown can do no wrong. What year is this again? What year is this?

[00:16:57]>> Oh, yeah. Oh, get him. That is not how they met with him. his halfass attempt at being a B boy.

[00:17:05]>> Yeah, my head hurts a lot.

[00:17:07]>> Oh, man. Here, let me get you some ice.

[00:17:10]>> He knocked her smooth out.

[00:17:13]>> Sorry. Does it hurt?

[00:17:15]>> No, it it's fine. Okay, here's a test to see how much you actually care about me.

[00:17:20]You remember that night after the club, we went and had late night eggs and waffles till about 5:00 a.m. We watched a movie on the little TV in the diner.

[00:17:27]Name that movie.

[00:17:28]>> Octopusy.

[00:17:30]Baby, is that really a movie?

[00:17:33]>> I have cool moves.

[00:17:34]>> Yeah, so do people with Parkinson's.

[00:17:36]>> That's not how I remember it.

[00:17:37]>> Okay, how do you remember it?

[00:17:40]>> Oh [ __ ] Didn't they do a clip like this in the movie Airplane?

[00:17:56]>> Hit it, daddy.

[00:18:01]All right. Whatever you say.

[00:18:06]>> I wanted to give this to you for a long time, >> John.

[00:18:11]>> It's not a ring box. It doesn't look like a ring box, baby. Don't Don't think it is.

[00:18:16]>> Those are the ones you like, right? From that kiosk at the mall.

[00:18:20]>> From the kiosk at the mall.

[00:18:23]>> Someday there's going to be a ring in there, right? But I want to wait until I get you something really special. Yeah, because it's just like such a fancy dinner. You would have thought maybe it was a ring.

[00:18:31]>> Look, I'm I'm only saying this because I love you. You're not going to have any sort of career if you keep wasting time with Ted. Please ask Ted to move out so we can move on with our lives.

[00:18:40]>> Ask Ted to move out.

[00:18:42]>> He's been my best friend since I was eight. I was not a popular child.

[00:18:46]>> Well, he could take care of himself.

[00:18:47]That >> he's the only reason I ever gained any [ __ ] confidence.

[00:18:50]>> Well, it's good to know that a talking teddy bear is the only thing that prevented you from gunning down your classmates. Oh, >> he's not your only friend anymore.

[00:18:58]>> Can we talk about this another time and just enjoy our anniversary dinner?

[00:19:03]>> Well, now my phone fell under the seat somewhere. Can you call it?

[00:19:06]>> Yeah.

[00:19:15]>> Why is that her ringtone? I thought to say, >> what is it? Cuz it sounds negative.

[00:19:23]Oh, no. No. It's It's from The Notebook.

[00:19:27]>> We lied. It's not The Notebook. Isn't that like Darth Vader sounds?

[00:19:34]If your man has your ringtone as Darth Vader's theme song, >> hey, you're home early.

[00:19:40]>> What the hell is this place? Is a wreck.

[00:19:42]Who are these girls?

[00:19:43]>> Worry. This is Angelique, Heavenly, Shireen, and Svenon Blanc.

[00:19:49]You know, somewhere out there are four terrible fathers I wish I could thank for this great.

[00:19:54]>> No, he needs to be kicked out because that's far too many hookers for me to come home to.

[00:19:59]>> A [ __ ] on my floor. In the corner. THERE IS A [ __ ] >> PROBABLY WHAT Deedra was doing over there. Remember, she was crouched over in the corner for a really long time. I thought she was just making a phone call or something.

[00:20:09]>> Oh, you're getting kicked out tonight.

[00:20:12]>> [ __ ] >> What the [ __ ] >> Who lives here?

[00:20:16]>> Oh, yeah. She deserves She deserves a quick rage moment.

[00:20:20]>> I found my phone. What's going on? Is that a [ __ ] >> Oh, look at this guy. I went to New York once in 1981 and I just did not feel safe.

[00:20:38]>> You got to move out. You >> Oh, there it is. Yeah, you got to move out, Ted. I'm with him.

[00:20:45]>> What did I do?

[00:20:47]everything.

[00:20:48]>> My relationship is at a very delicate stage and you know Bari and I may just need a little space for >> but like I'm sure men are watching this they're like screw her and I'm like get rid of the damn bear.

[00:20:59]>> NO, I DIDN'T GET IT.

[00:21:00]>> TELL ME WHEN YOU GET IT.

[00:21:01]>> OH MY GOD, I GOT SOME ON MY THUMB.

[00:21:04]>> NO.

[00:21:04]>> NO. YES, I DID.

[00:21:05]>> YEAH, I'M DONE. YOU can never cook again.

[00:21:11]I >> mean, I'm just trying to find a way to keep you both in my life. She's making you do it, isn't she?

[00:21:16]>> I mean, but that doesn't mean we can't hang out. And we'll hang out all the time. But otherwise, I'm going to lose her. And I do love her, Ted. No, >> I I know you do, Johnny. I know. And And we'll hang out all the time, right?

[00:21:25]>> All the time.

[00:21:27]>> Okay, good.

[00:21:28]>> Bring it in, you bastard. Come on.

[00:21:30]>> I love you.

[00:21:31]>> [ __ ] I know. I'm I'm not gay.

[00:21:36]>> What? What kind of job is he? Is he in a suit?

[00:21:41]He reminds me of like something I'd make it build.

[00:21:44]>> I know it sucks. Okay, but you got to make some money so you can pay for an apartment.

[00:21:48]>> An overly priced cute well-dressed teddy bear. Build-a- Bear.

[00:21:53]>> So, you think you got what it takes?

[00:21:54]>> I'll tell you what I got. Your wife's [ __ ] on my breath.

[00:21:59]>> That's cuz everyone's mouth is usually full of your wife's box.

[00:22:03]>> What?

[00:22:05]>> [ __ ] >> He's trying to not get the job. I got it. I got it. That's clear.

[00:22:20]>> I am a former celebrity in a minimum wage job. This This is This is how the cast at Different Strokes feels. They must feel awful. The live ones.

[00:22:29]>> My My son and I couldn't help but admire Teddy Bear. I remember seeing you on the Carson show.

[00:22:34]>> It was a weird interview. Ed thought I was ALF and he kept muttering anti-Semitic comments.

[00:22:40]Have you ever considered selling the bear?

[00:22:42]>> What?

[00:22:43]>> Excuse me?

[00:22:44]>> It's very very special to me.

[00:22:46]>> Stand up straight when you're talking to me.

[00:22:49]>> Oh, >> why the [ __ ] would he say that?

[00:22:52]>> Yeah.

[00:22:53]>> And uh you can call me anytime. Okay, we'll do.

[00:22:57]>> Why would he even take it?

[00:22:59]>> Okay, come on, Robert.

[00:23:00]>> Take it easy.

[00:23:02]>> That kid should deserve to be tripped on his way out.

[00:23:05]>> Stop it. [ __ ] Why you got to take it to that place? You just took it to a very Now it's real now.

[00:23:11]>> Yeah, this is a wild place to get to light up at. That would have been insane.

[00:23:17]>> All right, I'm so interested in the comments to see how many people are upset about the girl kicking the teddy bear out and how many people think she's rat.

[00:23:30]>> I don't have to be at work for another 20 minutes.

[00:23:33]>> I'm only going to need one.

[00:23:36]But even after 4 years, you can still surprise me. I know I'm not a talking teddy bear, but at least you didn't have to make a magical wish to get me.

[00:23:46]>> How do you know?

[00:23:47]>> Oh, that a Flash Gordon Ray Gun. Are you just happy to see me?

[00:23:59]>> Hey, Ellen. Who's that over there? You know what I like to do to her? Something I call a dirty fuzzy. What? What is it though?

[00:24:12]Okay, let's see the game, Ted. Oh, no.

[00:24:15]Let's not see the game, Ted. No, Ted.

[00:24:21]No, Ted.

[00:24:27]Oh, oh, stop. Oh, no.

[00:24:34]Okay. All right. So, that's where we'll draw the line.

[00:24:36]>> Yeah. That's where you'll draw the line right there. You should have had something in your eye, baby. That's not >> I actually went through something like this with my last boyfriend. We were together for 8 months and then he got deported back to Iran. So, >> Oh, I guess we both lost our furry little guy.

[00:24:52]F.

[00:24:57]>> Hey, Johnny. What are you doing? You want to come over and catch a buzz?

[00:24:59]>> Well, I could probably stop by after work.

[00:25:01]>> Come on. I'm bored as crap over here.

[00:25:02]So, he does bathe.

[00:25:04]>> Come over. I got the Cheers DVD box set.

[00:25:07]>> Oh, what? What do I tell Thomas?

[00:25:08]>> Just tell him you don't feel well.

[00:25:09]>> Lori tried to break up a dog fight, and I guess you got hurt pretty bad. He wouldn't let go until the fireman showed up and had to stick his finger in his ass.

[00:25:16]>> Well, that is a very in-depth lie.

[00:25:18]>> Up the dog's ass, right?

[00:25:20]>> Yeah. Up the dogs and not the fireman's ass.

[00:25:21]>> Well, go, go, go. Take care of it. Let me know how she is.

[00:25:23]>> Thank you. Go.

[00:25:26]>> Why? Ew.

[00:25:28]>> Are there naked dicks in gay porn?

[00:25:31]Yeah.

[00:25:34]>> Uh oh. Yeah. Was I popular? Are there naked dicks in gay porn?

[00:25:39]>> Is this a real interview? Please tell me this isn't.

[00:25:42]>> You know, he's exactly who you want him to be.

[00:25:44]>> He is. Woody Harelson. Smallest dick I've ever seen on a man.

[00:25:52]>> I told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that. It's called mind rape.

[00:25:55]It's actually pretty mellow.

[00:25:57]>> Yeah. Actually, not trying something that's titled that. There you go. You got it. Take pride in that.

[00:26:03]>> You know, this place looks great.

[00:26:04]>> It's all uh IKEA. Did the whole place for $47.

[00:26:07]>> Nice.

[00:26:08]>> Yeah.

[00:26:09]>> What?

[00:26:10]>> You know, there's an Asian family living next door, but they don't have a gong or nothing, so it's not too bad.

[00:26:14]>> That's lucky.

[00:26:15]>> What?

[00:26:17]With the under assumption that they would have a gong.

[00:26:20]>> Well, we should [ __ ] double date something. You, me, and Lori. And what's her name?

[00:26:24]>> White trash name. Yes.

[00:26:25]>> Mandy.

[00:26:26]>> Nope.

[00:26:26]>> Marilyn?

[00:26:27]>> Nope.

[00:26:27]>> Britney?

[00:26:28]>> Nope.

[00:26:28]>> Tiffany?

[00:26:30]All right. Brandy, Heather, Channing, Brianna, Amber, Sabrina, and Babe.

[00:26:33]>> Autumn, Ruby, Taylor, Tyra, Tammy, Lauren, Charlene, Chantel, Courtney, Dolly, Kendra, Kylie, Kloe, Deon, Emloo, [ __ ] Becky.

[00:26:41]>> Nope.

[00:26:42]>> What?

[00:26:44]>> Brady Lyn, he >> [ __ ] >> Oh, yeah. That is Tammy Lynn's definitely one of those names. I knew Amber was going to be on the list.

[00:26:58]No. Ted, please not in the freezer, too.

[00:27:05]>> Stick your finger IN THE WATER.

[00:27:06]>> GIVE IT TO HER.

[00:27:07]>> We need guts. I'm promoting you.

[00:27:11]>> We get the promotion.

[00:27:18]>> Ah, you suck, Kareem.

[00:27:22]>> Hello.

[00:27:23]>> Uh-uh. Now I'm getting worried nothing's going to happen to the bear.

[00:27:30]Oh no.

[00:27:32]I thought we was just going to roll with good vibes. I thought that was the plot.

[00:27:35]I didn't think nothing like this was going to happen.

[00:27:38]>> I can offer you $6,000 in railroad bonds.

[00:27:40]>> Uh, well, >> railroad bonds. What's that?

[00:27:44]>> Teddy, come on. We're going to be late for dinner with your friends.

[00:27:48]>> Oh, I definitely thought he was going to get kidnapped.

[00:27:50]>> Can I just get a hug?

[00:27:52]>> Oh, no.

[00:27:53]>> No.

[00:27:54]>> Oh, that that was uh Chenado Connor. She don't look so good no more.

[00:27:58]>> Now that guy's definitely plotting on Ted.

[00:28:01]>> How you doing? I I haven't talked to you in forever.

[00:28:03]>> The company's having their 20th anniversary party next week. So, >> it's weird watching Ted act mature.

[00:28:09]>> I'm always fascinated to meet Ted's girlfriends.

[00:28:12]>> What do you mean girlfriends?

[00:28:14]>> Oh, that one letter.

[00:28:18]>> I'm always interested in meeting the lady that can snatch him up.

[00:28:21]>> Did you just call me a [ __ ] >> What?

[00:28:24]>> You just worry about your own snatch.

[00:28:25]How about that, honey?

[00:28:28]>> A nice evening.

[00:28:29]>> Don't talk [ __ ] to me.

[00:28:30]>> I JUST >> OH, BABY, >> real nice.

[00:28:34]>> Me? It's not my fault she can't speak English.

[00:28:37]>> Oh, [ __ ] you.

[00:28:40]>> Stick your [ __ ] [ __ ] right up your [ __ ] ass.

[00:28:42]>> Okay. Don't take her nowhere.

[00:28:44]>> Come on. Come on.

[00:28:45]>> I gave birth once, [ __ ] I could kick your [ __ ] ass.

[00:28:48]>> What?

[00:28:50]>> Okay. Come on. Come on. I didn't know you had a baby. Is it alive?

[00:28:54]I Why did I want to ask the same question?

[00:28:57]>> Why would you say that?

[00:28:58]>> You didn't exactly stand up for me. You know, your boss called this morning asking me how my arm was.

[00:29:04]>> John, I need a man.

[00:29:06]>> Right here in front of you. All right.

[00:29:07]Look at these pecs. I just farted. That was a man fart.

[00:29:11]>> Ew.

[00:29:13]>> This is I swear to God, your last chance.

[00:29:15]>> I love you so much. You won't be sorry.

[00:29:16]I swear.

[00:29:16]>> Did you really just fart?

[00:29:18]>> Yeah, but I pushed it that way with my hand.

[00:29:21]I wonder who's going to hit first.

[00:29:23]>> These numbers do not.

[00:29:26]>> WHO DID THIS TO US?

[00:29:28]>> YEAH, in a restaurant. I I'm so upset.

[00:29:32]That's so irresponsible.

[00:29:33]>> I was worried you weren't coming. Hey, a squirt. How you doing, >> Squirt?

[00:29:38]>> Try not to get lost. Come on in.

[00:29:42]>> Very swanky, man. Haven't you been here before? You know, when you and Rex were Oh, no. That was at work. You guys did it in the office.

[00:29:50]>> Yeah.

[00:29:52]>> It's Lance Armstrong's nut.

[00:29:56]>> The most valuable thing in >> every now and then when my life's getting me down and things are tough, I just come up here and I look at it.

[00:30:04]>> I didn't need to see the close-up, but then I did need to see the close-up.

[00:30:07]Apparently, >> you know, she told me how you are at the office. I just want to say I really hope you [ __ ] get Lug Garrick's disease.

[00:30:13]>> But but look, man, I I do that with everybody at the office. I'm >> Looks good to hear. Yeah, >> Sam Jones is here.

[00:30:20]>> What?

[00:30:21]>> Sam Jones flash.

[00:30:22]>> Oh, that's their show. Mature party childhood hero.

[00:30:27]>> Look, I'll be back in like 30 minutes tops. Okay. Lori cannot find out. She >> Why would you tell Rex this information?

[00:30:33]>> One man to another.

[00:30:34]>> Thank you. I'll be back.

[00:30:35]>> I'm going to have sex with your girlfriend.

[00:30:38]>> Yeah, you knew what the plan was.

[00:30:43]>> How many of you actually watch the show that he's obsessed with?

[00:30:51]The rays in the car, I'm imagining, are like what they used to put behind Flash when he would run.

[00:30:58]>> Where is he? Why would he be there?

[00:31:01]>> This is the guy I was telling you about.

[00:31:06]>> It's really him.

[00:31:11]>> Wow. Wow. He's gorgeous.

[00:31:17]Worth it.

[00:31:20]>> Oh, but put him back. No, take him out of that. That ruined it.

[00:31:26]>> What is he driving?

[00:31:29]Please tell me that's not really what he drove in the show. Are these the graphics?

[00:31:37]This show had to have been horrible. I mean, maybe back then this wasn't bad, but it looks horrid.

[00:31:44]>> How you doing? Is that really what he drove? Because I went flew flew. Sorry.

[00:31:48]Because that looks awful. Like you could fall off of that so easy. And what? His talent is just speed. How's he gonna save himself?

[00:31:55]>> Oh, you know, you guys seem pretty cool.

[00:31:57]You like to party?

[00:32:00]>> Cocaine, right?

[00:32:00]>> Please don't tell me you never done it before.

[00:32:02]>> Johnny, I'm frightened.

[00:32:05]>> Oh, y'all. He's going to be in so much trouble. God, >> Johnny, I got so much energy. We come from different serious about opening a restaurant. We got >> They're hyped.

[00:32:15]>> Jews are welcome.

[00:32:16]>> Well, yeah. I mean, why wouldn't they be?

[00:32:17]>> Exactly. That's what I'm saying.

[00:32:18]>> Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[00:32:23]>> I would never play one of these games.

[00:32:28]>> Has anybody ever played that game and that's happened?

[00:32:30]>> Yeah. You got nothing left.

[00:32:36]>> There proof. Garfield's eyes look like a pair of tits.

[00:32:43]Let's go.

[00:32:44]>> Oh.

[00:32:44]>> Oh god. WE'RE GOING TO DIE. WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

[00:32:47]>> WE'RE GOING TO DIE. This is so chaotic.

[00:32:50]I love it. Why is he got a goose?

[00:32:53]>> My name one Ming.

[00:32:54]>> Ming.

[00:32:55]>> You pay many dollar.

[00:32:56]>> Oh no.

[00:32:59]Is this his anime in Flash?

[00:33:04]No. High five.

[00:33:07]No, not the D. Duck. Why is that duck? What the duck?

[00:33:17]Oh no.

[00:33:21]Oh no.

[00:33:27]I t Hey, >> there it is.

[00:33:48]>> This is Jared.

[00:33:50]>> This is Deadpool.

[00:33:51]>> We're in love, >> huh?

[00:33:53]>> Turns out I'm gay or >> Oh, okay. Figured it out.

[00:33:57]>> What?

[00:33:58]>> I got to I got to go.

[00:34:00]>> How much time did he lose? I didn't pay attention to the time on the clock.

[00:34:08]M >> sorry.

[00:34:13]>> They're breaking up. They're so breaking up.

[00:34:16]>> I was going to stop in for like 5 minutes and then flash.

[00:34:18]>> Just give me the car keys.

[00:34:20]>> And then flash corn. She don't care. She does not care.

[00:34:25]>> Hey, Johnny. There you are.

[00:34:27]>> You know what? [ __ ] you. I don't even want to talk to you. Do you know what just happened?

[00:34:30]>> Don't Oh, he's going to take it out on him. You made the decision to go. Dude, >> I should have stopped hanging out with you a long time ago. All I DO IS SMOKE POT, WATCH MOVIES with a teddy [ __ ] bear.

[00:34:40]>> I got to be on my own, Ted. I can't see you anymore.

[00:34:43]>> Oh, Sean, wait.

[00:34:44]>> I love you.

[00:34:52]>> Please tell me she's not watching doing exactly what Ted said she would do.

[00:34:59]>> I haven't seen Bridget Jones diary.

[00:35:01]>> You're asking me out a week after I broke up with somebody? This is the first time that you've been single.

[00:35:08]>> I don't think it's smart.

[00:35:09]>> I'm an [ __ ] >> Brian sure as hell beats crying myself to sleep every night. And if that means getting you off my back, well, that's just a bonus.

[00:35:16]>> I'll pick you up at 8.

[00:35:17]>> I can't believe she's going to go out with him. He's Well, she doesn't know about this seat stuff. Never mind. But obviously she knows he works his way through the office.

[00:35:25]>> Johnny, open the door, please. I want to talk.

[00:35:29]>> I saw Lori leaving the apartment with Rex.

[00:35:32]>> What?

[00:35:34]I mean, how stupid do you think I am, >> Donnie? It's the truth. I'm telling you.

[00:35:37]>> Get out of here.

[00:35:38]>> You know, you're acting like a [ __ ] >> You cannot take responsibility for anything that goes on in your life.

[00:35:45]>> Okay, but that's so obvious. Now he's blaming the bear. He made the decision to go to the party.

[00:35:49]>> And you know, by blaming me, you you're just making yourself look like a [ __ ] >> I wish I just got in a teddy pin.

[00:35:56]>> Say that one more time.

[00:35:57]>> Teddy >> Teddy Rock pin.

[00:36:03]I love when he's about to attack the sound his footsteps make.

[00:36:08]HE'S BEATING THE [ __ ] OUT OF HIM. OH MY GOSH.

[00:36:16]How are you getting bodied by a bear?

[00:36:18]I'm so disappointed.

[00:36:25]OH NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

[00:36:31]HIM. He saw his butt cheeks cleaned.

[00:36:34]>> I love you.

[00:36:34]>> I love you, too.

[00:36:36]>> We can get her back.

[00:36:38]>> Thanks. We're going to take a short break, but we'll be back in a few.

[00:36:42]>> Hey, play chopsticks, you jazzy [ __ ] >> Teddy.

[00:36:45]>> Yeah. Thank you for the opportunity, Miss Yam Jones. I I >> Well, you're probably not used to seeing me fully clothed.

[00:36:50]>> No, you did not mess with that teddy bear.

[00:36:53]>> Actually, you weren't so bad for a guy with no penis.

[00:36:55]>> Yeah, you know, I have written so many angry letters to Hasbro about that.

[00:37:02]He's gonna sing a song to a special lady in the audience who >> Please give a big hand to John Bennett.

[00:37:08]>> Mark Walberg can't sing though.

[00:37:11]>> [ __ ] >> Why does he have a smile? Like he's like ready to see it. But I am too.

[00:37:17]>> This is for Lori Collins cuz I love you.

[00:37:19]Uh this is the theme song. The movie Octopusy had no >> It's the fact that he's willing to go out there and do this. He doesn't have to be good. Hey, I like Katy Perry.

[00:37:32]My kids, my girls love Katy Perry.

[00:37:37]>> You suck. Get off the stage. Oh, come on. Give him a chance.

[00:37:40]>> But if you're in the audience, if you're in the audience, be honest. Do you want to hear that?

[00:37:49]>> Did you see the way the guy's body hit the ground? It was like a rag doll.

[00:37:52]>> Yeah, it hit the ground pretty heavy. I mean, it was actually really unfair of him to embarrass you like that.

[00:37:58]>> Just to be clear, I'm not embarrassed.

[00:38:01]>> She took offense to that.

[00:38:02]>> You know what? I I don't feel like talking to you about this.

[00:38:06]>> Finally.

[00:38:08]>> He was holding it in.

[00:38:13]>> Gross. I'm thinking like, do men do that?

[00:38:16]>> Not looking up your towel. Not looking at your funny business.

[00:38:19]>> John loves you very much. I promise I will leave and I'll never come back. But I don't want you to do that. I don't think it can be fixed.

[00:38:27]>> Yeah, because of me.

[00:38:31]>> I'll be gone when you get back forever.

[00:38:34]>> Where's he going to go? And he John's going to be sad.

[00:38:47]>> We knew this was going to come into play somehow.

[00:38:50]>> You can thank Ted. Should uh should I sit?

[00:38:53]>> Yeah.

[00:38:54]>> I really want them to make up. I do. But I also want it to be with a sense of urgency because Ted is being kidnapped and they just don't know.

[00:39:03]>> I know I didn't take our relationship seriously, but Lori, I do love you more than life itself. I just want to end on good terms.

[00:39:09]>> Thank you for being so honest.

[00:39:11]>> Thanks for coming by.

[00:39:17]>> Ew. And I hate that carpet.

[00:39:20]>> Whoa.

[00:39:21]Oh no. No.

[00:39:25]Part of our family for quite some time.

[00:39:28]>> This is just like as soon as you walk in their home.

[00:39:31]>> Is he all mine, Daddy?

[00:39:32]>> Yes, he is. My little winner. Dad, you've arrived at the lucky time. It's almost Robert's play hour.

[00:39:38]>> Play hour. This is so weird.

[00:39:41]>> Yes, he is. I got >> There it is. Yep.

[00:39:45]>> I have to give you an Ouch.

[00:39:48]>> Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Okay. No, Ted, beat the mess out of that kid. No. Beat I don't care if it's a child. Get him.

[00:39:56]You're a teddy bear. There are no laws against that.

[00:39:59]>> See, how about we How about we play a little game of hide and seek?

[00:40:03]>> Okay, now you count to 100.

[00:40:05]>> 100.

[00:40:06]>> One, two, five.

[00:40:09]>> Grab your ear on the way out, though.

[00:40:11]>> Okay, no peeking now or you'll get kid cancer.

[00:40:14]>> Eight.

[00:40:19]He's got to get past dad, though.

[00:40:26]>> It's weird.

[00:40:32]>> Do you need a lift?

[00:40:33]>> I mean, if I get raped, could it be my fault for what I'm wearing?

[00:40:38]>> There's something that I need to say to you, too.

[00:40:42]>> I want us to keep talking.

[00:40:46]Oh. Oh. Answer.

[00:40:48]>> Ted, listen. I got to call you back.

[00:40:50]>> Oh no. It's bad timing.

[00:40:53]>> They got me. That freaky guy from the park. And that Oh, John.

[00:40:58]>> Oh no. But then that guy gave him his address and phone number.

[00:41:03]>> But where is he?

[00:41:04]>> I don't know. He just said he was in trouble.

[00:41:06]>> Can you call him back?

[00:41:07]>> No, it's blocked. Go take Columbus Hero.

[00:41:09]Get on the expressway.

[00:41:11]>> It's so good that he took that piece of paper now. Oh, >> yes.

[00:41:20]Listen, Ted is he is not too good for a crotch shot.

[00:41:27]I don't think anyone should be. If you are in need, it's like a thriller movie for him.

[00:41:39]>> We tried to make do with other teddy bears, but none of them were you, Ted. I need the police right away. This guy took my teddy bear.

[00:41:47]>> Took my teddy bear.

[00:41:50]>> Let me out of here, you crazy bastard.

[00:41:52]Oh, I hear the fat kid running. I hear the fat kid running. I bet it's >> Robert.

[00:42:00]>> If they get away, then we're not going to know where to find him.

[00:42:08]>> Stay with him. It's totally up to him to save Ted, too. Cuz like calling the cops and saying somebody took my teddy bear is wild.

[00:42:22]>> Back off, Susan Bole.

[00:42:23]>> Bro, he's a teddy bear. He can Susan Bole. He can throw himself out there and be fine.

[00:42:32]All >> easy.

[00:42:33]>> The Susan Bole comment was crazy.

[00:42:38]>> [ __ ] Yes.

[00:42:44]Smart.

[00:42:48]>> They're literally playing hot potato though.

[00:42:52]>> Daddy, >> he ripped on his way down. I heard it.

[00:43:04]Jesus, >> dude. Give it up.

[00:43:12]>> Sirius, pull over.

[00:43:21]>> Well, why am I like invested and feel like this is intense and it's literally a chase for a teddy bear? I just needed to collect myself real quick and remind myself this is unserious.

[00:43:32]>> Teddy bear.

[00:43:36]Even better.

[00:43:39]He knocked this smooth out.

[00:43:51]Jesus.

[00:43:53]I say let the teddy bear climb cuz he'll be fine. And just wait till the dude falls and eats it.

[00:44:02]Where's the popcorn?

[00:44:04]>> I belong to John Bennett.

[00:44:05]>> But I CAN GIVE YOU LOVE.

[00:44:07]>> I THINK WE'RE VERY far apart on this.

[00:44:17]>> Oh no.

[00:44:18]>> Dad. Johnny.

[00:44:22]>> He's going to rip him.

[00:44:27]Can Ted die? [ __ ] cuz that looks like death for a teddy bear.

[00:44:33]So guttural. So brutal.

[00:44:39]So hard to see.

[00:44:42]They really went for the dramatic effect with the cotton fine everywhere though.

[00:44:46]I love that. That's flare.

[00:44:49]>> Get the stuff and get it all.

[00:44:52]>> You're going to be okay, buddy. You understand?

[00:44:53]>> He said John. I thought he said yarn like like stitch me up. Don't ever lose her again. Most important part of your life, even more than me.

[00:45:03]She's your thunder buddy now.

[00:45:06]>> She's your thunder buddy.

[00:45:11]>> He died.

[00:45:13]Oh, we literally just saw the laugh go from him. Oh no, that was serious. Oh no. I was sitting here not taking it. Oh no, he died. Oh no.

[00:45:28]Usually I cry in death scenes and I just can't pull that together for a teddy bear. I can't.

[00:45:35]But like sad, unfortunate.

[00:45:44]My brother has done this for one of my baby dolls before. Stitched it up for me while I cried and thought it would never be okay. So, this is triggering actually.

[00:45:57]First of all, she did a horrible job stitching it up. If she thought that was going to bring him back to life, I'd be pissed off if I woke up and that's the job you did on me. That's botched.

[00:46:08]He's really going to die. That's not supposed to happen.

[00:46:15]And it's so weird cuz it's like a corpse is just on their coffee table. You did everything you could.

[00:46:26]>> Got to be one of the most tragic death scenes in film history.

[00:46:44]A wish upon a star. It's so crazy that this is a film for adults and like it's based off A Wish Upon a Star and we are like rolling with it talking teddy bear.

[00:47:00]If that worked, I'll be so pleased. And I'll also be like, that's such easy and great story riding.

[00:47:08]Like such an easy fix.

[00:47:13]Oh, he's dead still.

[00:47:19]Oh, yay. How great. Just took a little snoozey snooze. All stitched up. Nosta go. Now say something funny.

[00:47:29]>> I'm alive. Your magic always works.

[00:47:32]>> I'm a little [ __ ] up.

[00:47:35]>> But will you take care of me forever and ever?

[00:47:40]>> I'm just kidding. Yeah. I THOUGHT IT'D BE FUNNY.

[00:47:46]WELCOME BACK, TED.

[00:47:48]>> YEAH, that's good. That's a good movie.

[00:47:50]It is.

[00:47:51]>> You wished for my life back.

[00:47:53]>> No, I wished for my life back.

[00:47:57]>> Also, she has to eat her words and let Ted live with them. That sucks.

[00:48:02]I still wouldn't want to live with the son of a gun. I don't care how sad I was when I thought she was dead.

[00:48:08]>> After last night, I don't ever want to lose anyone who matters to me ever again. Will you marry me?

[00:48:14]Oh, there it is.

[00:48:19]>> That all they really needed was each other >> by the power vested in me.

[00:48:24]>> Oh, even better. I wonder if he's cooked out or not.

[00:48:30]His first flash.

[00:48:32]>> You may kiss the bride, Johnny.

[00:48:42]My daughter better be alive, you sick son of a [ __ ] >> Weirdo.

[00:48:52]Cute. Cute.

[00:48:56]It's so masculine and cute.

[00:49:05]Oh, this crazy broad. I love her, dude.

[00:49:08]Why do I love her?

[00:49:11]Oh, >> there's only one way to end a perfect day. Flash jump.

[00:49:16]>> Let's see it.

[00:49:17]>> Yeah, >> I wish I understood all the Flash references. I get the gist.

[00:49:24]>> Then continued their torid love affair for quite some time.

[00:49:28]>> Good.

[00:49:29]>> He was instantly promoted to store manager. Remember Brandon Ralph from that god awful Superman movie? Jesus Christ.

[00:49:38]>> I never got to see that one. Y'all have never talked about that one.

[00:49:41]>> Not long afterward, he fell into a deep depression and died of Lou Garri's disease.

[00:49:47]>> Lou >> Donnie was arrested by Boston police and child.

[00:49:52]>> Good. Jeffrey Dmer >> lost a substantial amount of weight and went on to become Taylor Lortner.

[00:50:01]>> What the hell? How do you finish a movie with that? Okay, listen. I don't know what kind of wrap up that movie was.

[00:50:09]absolutely hilarious. I mean, it was so unserious, but then yet it felt so serious and it felt like I don't know how to explain it. Like for adults, it felt like childhood because it was a teddy bear, but he was wise cracking and crude and he said like crazy stuff. So, you just like absolutely loved it. So, it was a comfort watch. It was weird. I don't know how it's like I don't know what kind of wrap up to give it cuz I'm sitting here like it was weird, but it was so good. And would I watch it again?

[00:50:33]Absolutely. I would watch it a few times and I think I would laugh harder and harder every single time. But for me, that's what I love about comedies. I feel like those are kind of the only movies that besides like dramatic movies like Forest Gump or The Shining, there aren't many things I want to watch like a few times. This comedies, I would watch it over and over. And I know that there's more Teds, so perhaps we'll get to the next one. If you guys think that those are good movies as well, I enjoyed this one. I'd be totally down for it.

[00:51:03]Thank you guys for hanging out with me.

[00:51:05]Don't forget to like, subscribe, turn on your post notification bell. If you guys want the full length watch along, um that link for Patreon is down in the description. While you're over there on Patreon, check out the after hours here for some exclusive content. And if you'd like to see my life outside of reactions, my link for Instagram is down in the description and it's going to pop up right here. But thank you guys so much for being here and I'll see you next time.