Setting financial boundaries is not a betrayal of family, but a necessary defense against a culture of entitlement that punishes individual success. We must stop romanticizing dependency and start prioritizing sustainable self-reliance to break the cycle of generational poverty.
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It's Tuesday on your view. Welcome to the show. I am Miam Long and with me as usual are my co-host YK is in the building.
>> Good morning. Good morning.
>> Morning. How are you?
>> I'm fine, thank you. I'm fine, thank you. And I want to thank um Princess Shahi for my material. You know when when they gave me um that Lego state the >> award >> uh for women recognition. Yeah.
>> She was so happy. She heard it. You you guys went and bought me the material. I said honestly >> and your did a good job of it and you did a good job of styling it in blue and everything. It looks like I know you don't have one tail. You have more than one tail.
>> You know I was thinking Y that I don't think I'll see YK repeat any outfit. I haven't too.
>> I will repeat tomorrow.
>> Yeah, just for your sake >> Ramsey today and oh I'm so impressed with um there's this lady FMK. She's doing very well in the north. She went to empower some people in Suko, >> you know, all the ladies and women. They all came out in numbers. You can just I'm just I was just like ah this is so nice you know we need to start doing something start earning money for ourselves as women. I was so impressed.
They all came out in numbers. They support she supported them with some money for them to start business and all of that. Very beautiful initiative. Well done.
And of course we still have our oil. The oil is new. We are trying to make sure that you know it goes round. We just got new distributors. Zanfara Sooto and >> um no um oil. So please do well to patronize me.
Please please business woman.
Good morning.
>> Good morning.
>> How are you?
>> I'm good. So yesterday I told you guys that um I have adult children now >> and my daughter wanted to make some delicacies. So yesterday she made this wonderful giz doodle.
I ate two helpings. Wow. As in I was so full I was still eating. And when the father came back I was like who made this meal? I say it's co sayh no need to pay cooks anymore.
>> They have so I'm so excited Daniel. The three of them have turned out to be good great cooks. And if I did not do anything for them, at least that did that for them.
>> Yes. So I tried. How are you? I'm fine.
Why? You want to say something?
>> No, I was just going to say, aren't they in school?
>> They on holiday now.
>> Holiday now.
>> The holiday is coming.
>> I have juice for you. This juice is particularly for you. So my kids usually laundry, they wait till on Saturday before they do their uniforms. But in because we feel that you know in between during school days they're busy with school. But after a while we figured out that on Saturdays they still don't get to do the laundry for one reason or the other. So we said when you come back from school you must do your school at least your school laundry every day. You know what my daughter said? Suffer suffer for you.
>> I didn't see that.
>> I did not even know that she knew the song.
like where when did you hear the song? I heard you in the house.
>> I didn't see that coming at all.
>> Cuz I just remember when when we were in school, we did our laundry. Now you come home, you do your laundry and my mom I would also wash my mom's uniform and two tall children just walking around and not do anything of my nana.
>> In fact, my brother made it mandatory for his kids when when they come back from school. Yeah. your uniforms. If you don't do anything, this your uniform >> and wash it.
>> I'm telling you, Fog refused to wash yesterday. This morning, his father made sure he washed it before he left for school.
>> Correct.
>> Yeah. Let's go on a short break, but we return. We'll take today's top stories in the newspaper. Stay with us. We'll be right back.
>> Stay tuned. Your view will be right back.
Stay tuned. Your view will be right back.
Stay tuned. Your view will be right back.
Thank you for staying with us. Now, we're looking at the top stories in the papers and we're starting with the nation. Major headline in the nation.
APC presidential governorship primaries fixed for May 15, 20 uh and 20 and 23rd.
Edun reforms driving investors confidence. Forensic analysis cleared Amuan of buyers allegations says in ABGA plans primaries for May 23rd. Oun e stakeholders lock out Daniel at Abiodu senatorial endorsement meeting. Yig's panel on state police gave 60-month timeline. No respite for Ernest Oel Jesse and Nest Oil as federal high court discharges exarty orders restraining EFCC from investigating Amaranta Oil and Gas Development Limited and Jones Creek Hydrocarbon Limited for the alleged criminal infractions. That's such a mouthful for a headline. And at the very bottom, three soldiers killed, four injured in terrorist attack on Quir military base. What do we have in the nation? Yeah, I took the the terrorists that killed three soldiers. They attacked the military campaign Kangji community.
Did I get it?
>> Cayama.
>> Local government area of KA. You see, I'm I'm now befriending Ha.
So um they they they came in the early hours of yesterday they said with heavy gunfire >> and you know it take more across the whole community they could hear the invasion they killed the soldiers. They stormed the military camp and killed the soldiers.
They engaged the troops in a fierce gun battle and kidnapped four residents. M the um you read part in another >> Yes. I wanted to add to that. So they said the um operation took about um they started 3:00 a.m. Wow.
>> And they finished 500 a.m. and it was targeted. They didn't touch any of the residents. It was targeted at you know the security operatives. They were also able to carry their uh motorcycles. They took ammunitions belonging to the security team. And um you know even while some of their own people were injured they were able to rescue carry the injured people and the dead people from their sight. So a local chief you know came out to speak on behalf of the uh incident that happened and was suspected that they may be either close by or they had help within the area for them to be able to carry their own dead people away from that place. It was just a very ter terrible one. They were targeting the security operatives. They had no business with residents. But they still said they kidnapped four residents.
>> But obviously they >> but they didn't kill the residents. They kidnapped them instead.
>> There was another story with you that they said that um they killed the driver and then they kidnapped some of the passengers. They kidnapped them into the bush.
>> No, as part of it's still part of the story.
>> You have a story?
>> Yes, I have a story. ABGA sets May 23rd for primaries and also pegs presidential ticket at 75 million. They said uh the ABBA has unveiled the provisional timetable for its primary um elections ahead of 2027. They said uh the national publicity secretary said the schedule was approved by the national working committee. According to the timetable, the sale and submission of uh expression of interest forms will begin on April 20th and end on May 18. Then they will start screening of they aspiring on May 11th for national assembly, May 12th for state houses, houses houses of assembly and May 13th for governorship candidates. They also they also said that um that um what they are just saying is that that you must express your intention. You must say that this is what you want to do first of all that you pay for that first before you start paying for the main forms. But the presidential election is coming for 75 million and then Yeah. And then the other one uh they said the other one is uh for the house of assembly 50 million 15 million for senate >> lot of money >> and then 12 million for house of reps.
>> That's a lot of money that you have.
>> I have this story coming out from Plateau state. So they say angry women from gash community in bur ladi local government area of plateau state yesterday destroyed military checkpoints during a protest over um attacks in their area. So the pro uh the protesters accused security agents of failing to protect residents and alleged collaboration with attackers. They alleged that security operatives had lost touch with reality allowing armed groups to continue inflicting hardship on residents. Many of the women decrieded the reoccurring attack on their community. Noting that youth women and elderly remain vulnerable, called on government and security agencies to please end the violence and restore peace. Some of the protesters, you know, spoke during the demonstration and were demanding intervention. We are tired of burying our children and husbands. The soldiers are here yet we are still dying. If they cannot protect us, they should leave our land.
>> Um this was Mercy Dunga, mother of four.
And you know that's that's it. If we say we are protecting them and there's pres police presence, military presence and they're coming in to attack us.
>> There's another attack in the song. This this brings me to the um the amnesty or what is it they gave the >> terrorists >> 744 uh reformed >> terrorist terrorist terrorist and >> bandit insurgents whatever they call they should be >> when you are integrating them >> what happens is if they they are not truly reformed because I can tell you I'm reformed I can pretend I can do but I am not and I will be the one that will information.
>> So I'll be giving information. So what's happened? The the the soldiers are now compromised because they are >> people who are leaking information.
>> Yeah.
>> So now the women are not feeling protected.
>> Mhm.
>> I mean we have been hearing over the last two weeks now how they've been killing people in jail >> and they're still killing. There's another killing.
>> I just can't wait for them to approve this police honestly so that at least let's see what that >> I hope that will make a difference.
Let's move on to the punch. Major headline in the punch. APC imposes twoe deadline for presidential governor uh NAS forms. Over 4,600 Nigerian doctors relocates to UK in 3 years. Obi Kungquaso launched joint movements before ADC primaries. Daniel shut out as Oun APC endorses Abiodum for Senate. And we have fresh turmoil in PDP as Wika camp rolls out primaries plan. What do we have in the punch?
>> Uh, so I have um the healthcare story.
It said um the system is facing renewed strain as no fewer than 4,691 doctors have relocated to the United Kingdom since President Bulamed assumed office May 29, 2023. This is according to the fresh data from the general medical council and the UK GMC is a public official register detailing the number of practicing doctors in the UK alongside other details such as their areas of specialty, country of training among others. So they said the mass migration represents not just a human resource crisis but a significant economic loss. And with the federal government estimating that it cost about $21,000 US to train a single doctor, Nigeria has effectively lost at least $98.5 million in training investments within less than 2 years. And the figure puts the total number of Nigerian trained doctors currently practicing in the UK to about 15,692, making Nigeria one of the largest sources of foreign trained doctors in Britain. as second only to India and they said as at May 20 uh 28 2025 official records showed that the number of Nigerian trained doctors in the UK was a little over 11,000 and the figure has grown significantly since then and you know we've talked about why these doctors are leaving the shores of Nigeria to go practice greener pastures better welfare packaging and all of that we need to do better we don't have we don't have doctors in our hospitals we don't even have enough hospitals to go around. We need to do better.
>> We're fighting many wars in this country.
>> Let's go on a short break. When we return, we'll continue looking at our at the papers. Stay with us. We'll be right back.
>> Stay tuned. Your view will be right back. Back.
>> Milo. Three in one. Milky and creamy.
In 3 2 1 we are live.
>> Welcome to East Flash. I'm on the black carpet and of course is Jubel of Lagos.
>> Well that's it on social.
You already HAVE >> you know guys ESlash can be the best of entertainment the best of energy. Best of everything you need to get your day going.
>> It's EPLash every weekday from 12:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m. on TC Entertainment.
>> Keeping hope alive. We are the drums that refuse to be silenced >> even when the rhythm falters.
>> We are the green that refuses to fade >> and the white that dares to shine.
>> Hope is not the stranger here.
>> It lives in our markets, >> our music and our streets.
>> Every dawn in Nigeria is proof that tomorrow is still worth fighting for.
>> Hope is a child in the classroom, eyes wide with dreams bigger than walls. Hope is the farmer planting seeds in faith, believing in rain and harvest. Hope is the youth unafraid to rise. Rewriting the story of our tomorrow. Hope is us.
Millions of voices refusing to give up on the promise of this land.
>> Nigeria, our independence is not just history.
>> It is a call to keep believing, to keep building, to keep hoping.
Now hope they carry us >> even when wala they choke we stand giddy hope they wer with us for downfall >> it gist with us for ba >> no matter the day our spirit in no hope now that they read ABCD and still get dream for hearts >> hope the mama f say tomorrow Go soft for her.
>> Niger, >> your freedom now promise. Say hope go always come no matter what happen.
>> Think fast, play smart, win big. We cash the game show where every contestant gets the opportunity to Thank you for staying with us. We're still reviewing the papers and we're still on the punch, right?
>> Yes, we are.
>> Who else has a story in the punch?
>> Okay, so I have um Obi Kongos launched joint movement before ADC primaries. It seems like I've been taking all the other parties. Okay. So, uh they said supporters of former Anra state governor Peter Obi and exanu state governoro have launched a new political pressure uh pressure group the obi koso movement as permutations in as permutations intensify ahead of the presidential primaries of the of the ADC. He said the group uh they announced this on Monday.
It said it has that they have established structures across the 36 states and the federal capital territory alongside the appointment of state and zonal coordinators to drive its mobilizations. So they also said that the development signals a fresh layer of realignment within the opposition coalition amid growing uncertainty over who will clinch the ADC presidential ticket ahead of the 2027 general elections. At least all these parties are trying their best to make sure that there's you know so that the competition will be fair. Everybody will see it is free and fair. It's not the one that you be saying just only one party that exist. No others are there.
>> Okay.
>> So I took the story on Senator Daniel >> who made a one minute video yesterday saying he wasn't allowed into the um all progressive congress meeting. the senatorial stakeholders meeting. You know, he is the senator representing that area. Now, now Dakwa wants to come in as >> Yes.
>> So, he went to the meeting >> and they didn't allow him in according to the video that >> he made, >> but uh a spokesperson for the governor says no, that's not what it's not that they didn't allow him in. He said he can't come in with the he can't come and pack inside with his people that he came with a lorry load >> of people to the meeting that he can come in by himself. So what what from my um estimation and what I'm saying is that he >> he heard about the meeting they probably didn't invite him heard about the meeting that they want to adopt >> for his own he's dead.
>> So he ran there >> and they say ah lie lie because they have now adopted as the candidate for that position. When they keep saying that this party will implode, this is part of the implosion.
>> Politicians and how and they are no >> straight can be straight.
>> One plus one is 11 when you're a politician.
>> But you see that's when they say the K that they used to beat the >> first wife.
>> First wife, they will double it to beat the second one.
>> So he should shine his ear and know what he's doing.
Let's move on to the Daily Sun. Major headline blood bath in plateau. Benry Quir states you're an umpire not hired hitman. ADC youth tell Amita refinancing risk rise as Nigeria's debt nears 180 trillion naira. Enugu women demand senatorial slot.
INC chairman unveils reports of forensic investigation on partisan expost. And we have state debt hits 4.36 trillion naira 10 lead with 2.96 trillion naira. And finally booh haram des federal government over 416 victims in Berno.
Kaduna Easterad day attack kidnappers demand 1 billion naira ransom.
>> See the stories we are taking today.
>> The major headline is just scary. Same plate state we just finished talking about. They say six persons have been killed while eight others sustained injuries following two separate attacks on two communities in Barkin Ladi and Riom local government area plateau state. So the first incident four persons were killed and five others injured during an attack on Hurum Gashish community Bakin Ladi local government. While the second recorded two persons dead and three others injured in Shaong Bachi community of Riom local government area. According to sources, they said the attack on Barkin Ladi occurred about 10 p.m. on Sunday when gunmen invaded the area, opened fire on residents, while the attack in Rio was said to have taken place around 11 p.m. on the same day. And they said in both incidents, government um gunmen um reportedly stormed the community shooting sporadically. They said residents of the area said the attacks caused panic, forcing many to flee their homes for safety. Now the national publicity uh secretary of bum youth molders association uh rang Ted Long who confirmed the incident said the attacks had thrown the affected communities into mourning. He went ahead to condemn the attacks describing them as worrisome and expressed concern over the reoccurring violence in rural communities across the state. Though they said the victims have been taken to a nearby hospital for treatment. They've been trying to get a hold of the police public relations officer in Plateau state but as at the time of this particular report they had not been able to reach and what we're still saying >> and it's on the back of this that the women went to protest because how do we say we have a military checkpoint right here and they're coming to our communities and >> killing people. So, so I I took the Booh Haram story. Suspected Boohh Haram insurgents have released a new video threatening to relocate 416 abducted victims in Buhanu um if their demands are not met. They're asking for um a sum of money. Gosh, where do you see that? they if their demands are not met within 72 hours.
>> They said um they waiting that if the government thinks they can confront them that they waiting that they are fully prepared for confrontation.
>> They were dressed in camouflage military so you don't even know who is who again and and said this is their first and final warning asking that their demands be met. the 470. They have women, children, and they're going to move them to undisclosed >> location >> locations, but it didn't say the sum that they were asking for, >> but I read somewhere else. I asking for 5 billion >> billion.
So, I'm not sure people are suffering that they just they'll just kidnap an ordinary person be asking for >> Did did you see that video when they were showing the money?
>> Yes, I saw it on social media. So they are online and flaunting this wondering why we cannot online.
>> So they also mentioned who they are and I think it's important to mention it.
This group of terrorists they said we are Jamaati world jihad under Imam Abu. That is what they said. So that is their name. That is who they are. And um >> they are threatening the federal government face to face. They are not afraid anymore. Let's move on to the next paper uh which is the Vanguard.
>> Let me just read the last sentence. We are giving you 72 hours. If our demands are not met, we will move the victims and you may never see them again.
>> Oh my god.
>> Sometimes when I'm taking this newspaper review, I just want to just stop everything. What are we reading?
Exactly. This is real life. This is not a movie. Every day we're telling the stories and lives are just being destroyed. Major headline in the Vanguard. Um many terrorists, three soldiers killed in quaragon battle.
There it is again. Police pensioners protest in Abuja block villa access roads. 2027 APC pegs presidential form at 100 million naira. Primary holds May 15th. Senate seats east APC leaders endors Aboda Daniel. Tinubu disconnected from hardship facing Nigerians. Hakeim Baba Ahmed says 2027 no talks with PRP yet. We're focused on court case. This is the ADC saying that stop running to Abuja. Governors can fix insecurity.
This is XCP Oeni talking. And uh at the very top we have NCC CBN launch portal to track fraudulent phone lines. What do we have in the Vanguard? Uh we can take uh the NCC. So the in a decisive move to curb rising electronic fraud and strengthen consumer protection, the Nigerian Communications Commission, NCC and the Central Bank of Nigeria, CBN have launched a portal that enables financial institutions to track fraudulent and suspicious phone lines across the country. had the initiative unveiled alongside the signing of a memorandum of understanding between both uh regulators is expected to enhance transparency, boost confidence in digital transactions and deepen uh collaboration between telecommunications and financial service uh sectors. So speaking at the MOU signing event, the executive vice chairman of NCC, Dr. Aminida said the agreement provides a structured framework for cooperation in critical areas including payment system integrity, fraud mitigation, digital inclusion and consumer protection. And he described the development as a major milestone in regulatory coordination and noting that um increasing use of mobile numbers as tools for identity and financial access makes stronger collaboration between both sectors imperative. you know, we've had people that would get your maybe your SIM number and they're able to hack into your account and steal all of your money. So, with this collaboration, they'll be um better able to trace some of those criminal and fraudulent activities. I think it's a good one.
>> Yeah. So, I took a story that concerns me actually. It's um about manufacturers. You know the World Bank is proposing that um they should reinstate petrol import licenses and uh they said the man under the AEGIS of the manufacturing association of Nigeria have faulted the call by the World Bank for Nigeria to reinstate petrol import licenses in order to stabilize fuel supply in the wake of the Middle East crisis. Uh this was said by our general manager that's Shun Aayiku. He described this thing. He said that this is a recipe for this the industrialization and national economic retrogression that if we try this thing is not going to make the economy grow. It's just going to further bring the economy uh the inflation is going to increase. He said that um that the World Bank they said that um that they reinstating petrol import license is a viable long-term strategy to avert an inflation spike.
But he is saying that no it should not be considered as an option at all that we should produce what we consume. After all we have um Dangote refinery and is doing very well. Why don't we just concentrate on that instead of um giving them back their import license and then they'll start bringing in petrol. It's going to cause more problems than we thinking that it's going to reduce or um about inflation. So we should look into it critically and I think he has a point there. I know you have a very important story but we can't take it as we've run out of time. The police officers that was quite important >> um in a few words can you say in one sentence >> just that the the police were protesting they went to the seat of power to protest they had and they reinforced the guards and they they're asking to be remove moved from the um >> contributory pension scheme.
>> Yes. and that they've removed the SSS, they've removed the army, they've removed the air force, navy, but they haven't removed the police.
>> So that's >> that's what they asking for.
>> This was, >> you know, and when I listened to the news yesterday, they actually said the figures that they earn, >> you know, some of them are monthly 20,000 >> even with the minimum wage.
>> That's all we can take.
>> That's that's all we can take from the papers this morning. Let's go on a short break. When we return, we'll look at our other segments. Stay with us. We'll be right back.
>> Stay tuned. Your view will be right back. Back >> with a splash of Golden Terra oil.
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Two, one, we are live.
>> This is the big you guys. What's the gist about?
>> You wine. It's all over my f. But me, I don't know sha.
And if you ask me, it's giving s.
Listen, I just checked the new TV center WhatsApp like right now and they just dropped the update.
>> Are you for no cap?
>> I can actually be noticing those guys.
They always on it 100 like they always posted this before anyone else. Me, I love them and that's one period.
>> Like I just align with them like last week and Omar, they've been dropping back to back >> facts. I love how it's straight from the source. No cap, no fake news, just pure entertainment.
>> I lowkey feel like an insider right now.
>> I know, right?
>> CBC cooking >> real talk. It's like gist express premium gist on cruise mode. Always first, always.
it.
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>> You know what, guys? I just joined.
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Welcome to East Flash. I'm on the black carpet and of course is Jub of Lagos.
>> Well, that's it on social.
>> You already have A GUYS, E Flash could be the best of entertainment and the best of energy, best of everything you need to get your day going.
It's Esplash every weekday from 12:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m. on TNC Entertainment.
>> Keeping hope alive. We are the drum bits that refuse to be silent.
>> Even when the rhythm falters, >> we are the green that refuses to fade >> and the white that dares to shine.
>> Hope is not the stranger here.
>> It lives in our markets, >> our music, and our streets. Every dawn in Nigeria is proof that tomorrow is still worth fighting for.
>> Hope is a child in the classroom, eyes wide with dreams bigger than walls.
>> Hope is the farmer planting seeds in faith. Believing in rain and harvest.
Hope is the youth unafraid to rise.
Rewriting the story of our tomorrow.
Hope is us. Millions of voices.
Welcome back and thank you for staying with us. So, just days after popular Tik Tok influencer Gage was publicly called out by his sister for allegedly failing to support his family financially. A young man claiming to be his elder brother has also spoken out. He described Gagege as a bad person, saying he does not want to help any of his siblings. According to him, Gagege only paid 5 million naira for his operation and then started announcing it publicly. However, Gagege has responded saying he does not have the kind of money people think he has and cannot lift his entire family out of poverty. Another popular Tik Tocker Pella also recently shared his view saying even in a life and death situation he cannot help any family member if he's left with a certain amount in his account putting that figure at 100 million naira. So this morning you know we're asking is one obligated to cater for family members no matter what? Is it a responsibility or is it entitlement for relatives to keep demanding from wellto-do family members?
Where do we draw the line? Should there be limits and should it ever get to the point of calling out a sibling publicly?
You know, we like to know your thoughts and um of course we would like our viewers to share their thoughts as well by calling us on 02016352013 or 0924163440.
You can tweet us at TVC connect using the hashtag your view TVC and we're streaming live on YouTube as well.
So um there's this term you know I heard I first heard from about it when I read um Trevor Noah's book and he called it the black tax was also known as poverty tax which is that for a lot of black families you know it was mainly about black families or African families who were finally making it out of poverty maybe they're the only ones that are able to you know pull themselves out of poverty but then they are obligated to pay and help everyone else around them.
>> And it's a it's a phenomenon that has been studied and discussed over and over again because many have said that that is something that is holding a lot of people down especially in this part of the world where you seem to have worked your way out of your circumstances but somehow you're still held back because of all the people around you. So this gay story, you know, I just feel that we can just use that to talk about black tax, poverty tax, and how we think uh if this is really a thing and what we can do to help each other. So I would like to hear your initial thoughts.
>> It is a thing in Africa.
>> It is a thing for African families. Um there was one of these um reality shows I was watching uh recently. I can't remember the name right now. Uh the particular Nigerian girl was dating an Oibu boy. So they went for sort of counseling and one of the things that um the boy now unneeded that got him really pissed in the counseling was cuz they've been dating for over 7 years and he wasn't ready to get married. His own idea of relationship was different from that other lady. The lady wanted marriage. So they had to go to see um a love expert. And one thing that annoyed him the most was when he found out in course of counseling that the lady was sending money home every month. So she had lied to him that the car she bought at some point uh she had to pay small small meanwhile she had finished paying for the car and then she was sending money home regularly to her mom and the family and so when the guy found out it was strange to him like you are sending money home why why are you sending money home to your family and the girl is saying I'm Nigerian it's my culture we send money home we take care of our people back home so it's something we have been known known for where one person finally by God's grace makes it in the family and every other person sits down and expects that you must lift them up from that poverty. Uh when I saw the uh GG sister's um post she was saying that um she expected that since he has made it >> he should lift all of them up from poverty. I think that's putting too much on another person. I I I've always been against um using planning your life with someone else's pockets. We do that a lot. Oh, my elder sister has money. Oh, my elder sister is in so so and so place. Oh, my elder sister is earning so so and so amount of money. Then you start planning your life. You hear people having as much as five, six kids.
After all, I have a brother who is a commissioner and you're not thinking of how to better your life. Now, it drains a lot of people. I've seen this firsthand happen to distant family members where this particular man had so much money. He was an engineer traveling to getting equipment and all of that and for many years he had so much money. But then he started carrying all of his family. He sent some of his brothers abroad to school. Those you know when they suspended those kind of money because it's not your money. You don't reason properly. The school they did not do very well. They sent them out of the countries they went to to study set up this one in this business. All the businesses failed. This man wrecked himself. The family wrecked him. And guess what? They started laughing at him. When it was now time for him to start training his children in universities, he could not afford to.
>> That is a living experience I see every day. And I told myself, mm- see, I will give what I can give, but it will not dent anything that I am planning. that entitlement that we have over somebody else's money whether it's my sister is my brother is my uncle it's my father we need to find a way to to is it dissolve it because it's not realistic >> you will tell rich people run away from poor people you know why >> for every 20 naira I give you think it's you're the one receiving it so you think it's not small 20,000 that he just gives me every month if I add that 20,000 NRA up in a year or two years I know what that money would give to So you think it's small small money we're collecting.
He's not helping enough. She's not doing enough. But if you put it together, that person is making a dent in his resources. And I'm not against people helping family members. But the family members also need to be responsible. If you're going to ask for help, make sure you're asking for something that you're going to work on and then grow yourself.
>> Okay. Um Ramsey, you want to show us?
>> Um yeah. So when I saw this story, of course I know it's just a Nigerian thing or I say it's an African thing or it's a Nigerian thing. You just know that you most families just depend on that person that is doing very very well. I know of a family she um she got she won visa lottery and this because of this perception it has divided a lot of families.
>> So uh I know of somebody who won visa lottery you know once you win visa lottery back then that means ah you're going greener pasture. So there was so much expectations on her. She traveled abroad and then you know they were trying their best to put themselves together there abroad already the sending to her that ah she's enjoying she has not sent anything to them. They are here suffering because she knows what she left at home. They could barely feed you know and everything. So you know they already started sending messages to her this you know and everything. But there they were just trying they were trying their best to man you know a new environment. So they trying to manage themselves, settle in but the pressure was just too much. She now had to start sending money. Of course she started doing it you know quietly. Then after some time she started doing it. The husband now got to know because she was collecting money you know they have this credit facility and all of so she was collecting money and sending to them and then at the end of the day they will now give it to and he will now start paying. So at some point he now sat her down and talked to her and told her that hold on let's get this let's get that let's get this then you can now start sending money to them and let's just be sending money for feeding for now but after some time we can be sending money for them to do and the funny thing is when when they send money to these some of these siblings most times they just use it they don't use it wisely for example maybe you know I'll prefer to give somebody money to build a person come and meet me with a business or something and then I can say okay I'll fund the business and make sure that once I give you that money I don't want you to come back and come and start asking me for basics you should be able to take care of your basics you know but like this gay story now the part where um he gave his brother 5 million for medical bills at least that one is even helping him to settle his medical bills but that one now came out and said that he sponsored him um he gave him 5 million for his medical bills but he's after them he has not given him money for >> that's entitlement you see this is entitlement He has not given him money for food. You know your basics. You should be able to take care of it.
>> Let's go on a short break. When we return, we'll hear's initial thoughts and then we'll dig deeper. Stay with us. We'll be right back.
>> Stay tuned. Your view will be right back. Now hope >> they carry us.
>> Even when wala they choke, we stand giddy. Hope they wer with us for downfall. He g with us for booker.
>> No matter the big gay our spirit in nois hope now that py they read ABCD and still get dream for hearts.
>> Hope now the mama f reason say >> tomorrow go soft for her.
>> Niger your freedom now promise say hope go always come no matter what happen.
Think fast, play smart, win big. We cash the game show where every contestant gets the opportunity to win one day.
No long waits, no dull moments, just quick questions, quick moves, and free cash. Every second counts, every answer pays. And everyone walks away a winner.
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Every clash of ideas begin the same way.
Differences >> could be a disagreement.
>> Two voices, two views, standing apart >> or an argument.
>> A battle to win, to prove or to conquer.
>> Both are born from differences. One can open the door to respect >> sound. Are you ready?
>> And the other close it with fire. Two perspectives but one big issue.
>> Are you good?
>> Yes, I'm good to go. So, do we argue to fight or disagree to understand?
>> Three, two, one. We are live.
>> This is the big You guys, what's the gist about?
>> You wine. It's all over my f. But me, I don't know. Shaka and if you ask me, he's giving s.
>> Listen, I just checked the new TV, WhatsApp like right now, and they just dropped the update.
>> Are you for no, >> I can actually be noticing those guys.
They're always on it 100 like they always posted this before anyone else.
Me I love them and that's on period.
>> Like I just align with them like last week and Omar they've been dropping back too >> fact. I love how it's straight from the source. No cap, no fake news, just pure entertainment.
>> I lowkey feel like an insider right now.
>> I know, right?
>> CBC cooking.
>> Real talk. It's like just express premium gist on cruise mode. Always first.
Thank you for staying with us. Would you share?
>> Yes. So me I'm going to come from this angle and the angle I'm going to come from is this.
Is it not all of us that are entitled?
All of us. Because I will train my child. I will send her to university.
I I set her up what I I claim setting her up for life. But am I setting her up for life or am I setting her up for my own life?
>> Because I was talking to a friend the other day. She was saying ah all her children they must send her money. She has trained all of them London here there.
They must send her money every month like clockwork.
>> Mhm.
>> I said yes. It's my it's my due. My truth is there. Ah. So now is it not all of us that >> in one form or the other >> in one form or the other have this entitlement >> mentality?
>> Cuz I will train my child and I still when she's not working >> auntie that's your salary. Divide it. Oh >> go for mama where pay your school fees.
>> But ideally what you're supposed to do is set her up. If she wants to help you, she helps She doesn't want to help you find your level.
You you is that child your retirement benefit your your retirement package.
So I I need us to really >> look deep inside ourselves. Ask ourselves that question. You now start asking all these entitled people, >> people on the outside >> because everybody is entitled >> including we with our children that >> this why they tell you they tell you say and see don't forget me.
>> Yeah.
>> So, so Y culture that in fact we call our children our investments. we say we're investing in them so that in our old age somebody will take care of us and many people have discussed it you know for and against and just like YK is saying that maybe that's not a good thing but do you agree with YK or is there a way that this can be done without it seeming without it being too uh what's the word restrictive or limiting for the person who has made it for a child that has made this money I know of people who because for for The few um families that I know are able to do things for their parents, they do it with so much pride.
>> See the house that I bought for my mother, see the car I bought for my father, I traveled with my parents, I did this, you know, it gives them so much pride >> and and I think for many of us to look at it like this is something to aspire to or hope that we can one day be able to provide our parents. Is it really the same as an uncle, a cousin, a friend, a relative, a neighbor, a domestic staff asking for the same thing?
>> Okay, let me start by reading Psalm 127.
>> No, just to give like um as arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that had his quiver full of them. They shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gates. Um, I understand where please hold on. I understand where Y is coming from, which is the extreme >> where people raise their children and put all of their hopes on their children. That's an extreme case. But it is only natural that I take care of you and at the time that I am weak, you take care of me because roles reverse. After a few years now, you may not be able to do this work. You may not be able to handle shrine. You may not be able to do so much. you just be home, you know, taking your life easy and all of that.
You may not have you may have invested something that will feed you, but also life happens to some people. You may not have invested, but you have a child who is married and has children. It will be unfair that at that time where you are weak, she's not able to step in and help mommy. Right? So that's the prayer that we give. Leave the ones that are extreme where all of you your your your children of your youth.
Okay.
>> Let me interrupt you. Let me take this call and then we'll come back. We'll continue with your thoughts.
>> Shia, good morning.
>> Oh, I'm so sorry. Sh. So the the explanation is basically they will they will fight the enemies for you. They will wait for you at the gates. So um a few I think it was um a few months ago I had to go to Delta State cuz my father was ill and they called me. He has his plans for himself. I don't take care of him like that. I do my bits monthly. Uh and I chose to. He doesn't he didn't ask me for it. I chose to and I enjoy doing that. But when that happened, all I could think of I don't want to bury my father now. That's the only father that I have. I quickly flew down and even though he had, you know, started making payments before I came for the surgery, I covered that. I sent it back to him and then I sorted it. The joy when he saw me and my younger brother, the joy in his eyes were like, in fact, when the doctor saw us, he was like, "hm, you're smelling Legos." You know he that relief was there because I was able to step in.
Now this is not a man who has raised me because he wants me to now >> abandon myself and keep taking care of him. No, he has his things. He has his businesses. He's taking care of himself.
So that's a healthy one, right? The problem is when it becomes unhealthy >> when we look at that unhealthy. Let's get Joseph so we don't miss her. Josen, good morning from Anra.
>> Hello. Okay. Concerning our topic, I I suggest that parents or guardians should really invest on themselves.
They should invest on themselves in as much as they are training their children >> such that afterwards they will not totally depend on the children for their retirement benefit.
>> Their retirement benefit should be coming from their place of work. Okay.
>> Place of work.
>> Thank you so much. I love your food always.
>> Thank you Josephine.
>> So Jo is saying try and work hard so that you get pension. Hopefully pension please pay you. You don't have to go and be protesting FCT.
>> But life can still happen. You may have still worked that hard and one calamity befail you know you don't have anything.
You should have that.
>> Talk about the unhealthy.
>> Yes. The unhealthy part is okay. So I owe my father and my mother my ability to stand at the gates and wage them from poverty when they get to their old age, right? Do I owe my brother and sister and cousins and relatives the same? I don't. I don't. They raised all of us together. So you find your way. But if I see that, okay, God has blessed me first because everybody's blessing will come one way the other has blessed me first and I can do a bit to help you and make it easy for you. First of all, you have to be hardworking because if you send me like a a business proposal and I give you money and the business keeps collapsing. How many times will I do that? I have a family to look at. So when you are now entitled to my own money, you are planning your life. I've had a conversation where husband day we go take care of him. I was pissed. People do that. Yes. Even in this day.
>> Yes. I was pissed. So you think me I cannot have six children? This three I stopped at was because I want to be able to eat some things like sausages and I want to eat it. You think I cannot just be popping children so all of us will just be drinking Gary? Because the more especially in this economy the more you have the more your resources are stretched. So you see the street people they contain themselves they do two kids three kids they manage themselves. There are many things they want to do they don't do. You think they don't like those things that you enjoy. Missy is saying that this tax can be can be healthy and can be abused. But I know especially I know like for many house families they they have like huge families and they are obligated to a certain degree to take care of family members. How what do you think?
>> Yes. So um the truth is that I will not see it as an as entitlement. Okay.
Because as I am investing in my children, I'm expecting that at a certain point in my life, they will be able to take care of me. Not not that is their responsibility. You understand?
They should be able to pity me. I'm I'll raise kids that will pity me later in life that when they see me in a certain condition, they will be able to help me.
It's not the one that you have plenty money and I'll be there. I cannot even feed myself for three three square me. I can't even I can't do anything.
>> So, don't go too far. Let me take Daniel's call and then we'll continue.
Daniel from good morning Mr. Daniel.
Good morning Daniel.
>> Good morning.
>> Go ahead Daniel.
>> Looks like we missed Daniel. Please run.
>> So I don't want to get to a stage where I will not be doing you know I can't even feed myself and then you you'll be rich and you can't even take care of me and all. So you can't neglect me in that in that. So that's not entitlement is expected because at some point people will even start saying ah why are you looking like this your children you know and they know that your children they are doing very well you know and they are not even sending money to you so people will even you know talk and all of that but yes let's not care about what people say but I am going to raise a child that will have empathy sympathy everything >> to be able to look at me in the future and say oh mommy has really tried I know a lot of parents that watch I hear you but the problem really is not even if they do it, it's how you respond to what they're doing. So they send you 500,000 a month and you say, "Is this what you send?" So I think that's the conversation also that we're having. We have 500 when you could have sent me a million.
>> I'm traveling to come and see you. You cannot pay for my flight tickets. You're asking me to enter >> business class, you know, whatever. Yes.
>> So that's that's that one is different.
That's entitlement. That's entitlement.
But any amount that your child sends to you, you should be grateful. The one that yes um just like what BC said is the one for siblings >> but siblings please I will decide >> I I can only help my sibling because of course in a family you have maybe a family of five or sometimes God will bless all five sometimes God will bless only two three like that but if God just blesses only one you again Deborah has called good morning Deborah calling >> yeah good morning >> yes this is h in fact I watch the program almost every day and this is the first time I'm having the opportunity to call >> first time father. Welcome.
>> So this topic you guys are talking about this morning is something that in fact to me is very dear to my heart and uh I wish that my families are watching this right now but unfortunately they don't have the means to watch it.
Like this morning on my way to the office, I got a message from my other sister that a child a child's girlfriend and he pregnanted and this boy he just 15 or 15 and he pregnant a girl a small girl >> and now the girl has given birth through she's very he's she's still at the hospital not doing well and this is not the first time and every time they always call me to assist and this we don't assist her is going to be a problem. She's going to make me an enemy. I'm the last one of the family.
>> I'm the one feeding my mother. I'm the one taking care of almost all of them.
When there is anything, they call me at the age of at a very younger age. I've been I've been going up and down trying to make a difference in the family. But it seems like all of them just want to put all their problems on me.
>> Too much.
>> All of them want to put their problems on me. I wish they watching this program this early this morning. If I don't send that money this, if I don't send that money for the treatment of this child, I just give birth.
>> Then she didn't send me where the boy impregnated the girl. I travel home December and I saw this little girl lying down on the floor. All of them were there. Nothing to do.
>> She kept on welcome all the all her children at the very younger age, 14, 15, they getting pregnant and coming to meet her in the house >> and she's welcoming them and at the end of they call me and tell me to send money. So >> everything in the family is on me.
>> I train myself in education. I am hugging so hard >> to make life to be a different in my to be different in my family.
>> And every day any problem happen they call me. If I don't do it, it becomes a problem. I'm 30 I'm 35. I'll be 36.
>> They on my head to bring husband. I I'm just trying so hard.
>> Are you married?
They can listen to this and let me breathe. I have my own life.
>> Yeah, you need to set boundaries.
>> I thank God for where I am right now. I am very grateful because God is doing amazing with my life and I love it.
>> But family problem is just too much.
>> Boundaries. Deborah, thank you for sharing your story with us and thank you for being just honest and vulnerable this morning, you know.
>> Thank you so much. I think I'm I'm I'm so glad that I'm able to reach out to >> to ease my mind. Thank you.
>> Okay. Thank you.
>> Thank you. Let's go on a short break.
When we return, we'll try and see if there's a way we can help Deborah, you know, going forward.
Right back.
>> Stay tuned. Your view will be right back. Back.
>> This is a new understanding. Citizens in 3 2 1 we are live.
>> Welcome to East Flash. I'm on the black carpet that of course is Jubilee of Lagos.
>> Well, that's it on social.
>> I know YOU ALREADY HAVE.
YOU KNOW, GUYS, ESPLASH give you the best of entertainment, the best of energy, best of everything you need to get your day going.
>> It's EPLash every weekday from 12:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m. on TC Entertainment.
>> Keeping hope alive. We are the drums that refuse to be silent >> even when the rhythm falters. We are the green that refuses to fade >> and the white that dares to shine.
>> Hope is not the stranger here.
>> It lives in our markets, >> our music and our streets.
>> Every dawn in Nigeria is proof that tomorrow is still worth fighting for.
>> Hope is a child in the classroom, eyes wide with dreams bigger than walls.
>> Hope is the farmer planting seeds in faith, believing in rain and harvest.
Hope is the youth unafraid to rise.
>> Rewriting the story of our tomorrow.
Hope is us. Millions of voices >> refusing to give up on the promise of this land.
>> Nigeria, our independence is not just history.
>> It is a call to keep believing, >> to keep building, to keep hoping.
Now hope they carry us >> even when wala they choke we stand giddy hope they wer with us for downfall >> it gist with us for ba >> no matter the gay our spirit in nois hope now that they read ABCD and still get dream for hearts >> hope now the mama fry car reason say tomorrow go soft for her Your freedom now promise say hope go always come no matter what happen.
>> Think fast, play smart, win big. We cash the game show where every contestant gets the opportunity to win one day.
No long waits, no dull moments, just quick questions, quick moves, and free cash. Every second counts, every answer pays. And everyone walks away a winner.
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Every clash of ideas begin the same way.
Differences >> could be a disagreement. Two voices, two views, standing apart, >> or an argument, >> a battle to win, to prove or to conquer.
>> Both are born from differences. One can open the door to respect.
>> Sound. Are you ready?
>> And the other close it with fire. Two perspectives, but one big issue.
>> Are you good?
>> Yes, I'm good to go. So, do we argue to fight or disagree to understand?
Two, one, we are live.
>> This is the big you guys. What's the gist about Andre?
>> You wine. It's all over my f. But me, I don't know. Shaka.
And if you ask me, it's giving s.
Listen, I just checked the new TV WhatsApp like right now and they just dropped the update.
>> Are you for no?
>> I haven't actually been noticing those guys. They're always on it 100 like they always posted this before anyone else.
Me I love them and that's on period.
>> Like I just align with them like last week and Omar they've been dropping back to back >> fact. I love how it's straight from the source. No cap, no fake news, just pure entertainment.
>> I low key feel like an insider right now.
>> I know, right?
>> CBC cooking.
>> Real talk. It's like gist express premium gist on cruise mode. Always first, always clock it.
it.
>> Welcome back and thank you for staying with us. Ramu.
>> Yeah. So, so I was what I was just trying to say is that at least you know I will set boundaries for siblings for my children I will do all I can it's not entitlement I will make sure that they are doing very well and I'll expect that you know they return that kind of gesture back to me but for siblings I'm going to have boundaries honestly I'm going to help you I'm not going to help you provide your basic needs you should be able to provide those ones for yourself but once in a while maybe you want me to help you with one or two things I can help you with that but to come and take you take your responsibility put on my head you know burden myself and be going up and down I will not do that where that story that they say give us never lack when money is going down is going down you say give us never lack by time I take out of the money the money cannot still be the same say I have 100,000 I give you 20,000 it's not possible for the money to be 120 it is 80,000 it has gone down and I have to work to put it back up >> so that entitlement from siblings is a no no once in fact once I notice that you are becoming entitled that's the I will not even give you anything anymore.
>> Yeah. Let's you know look at our last caller.
>> I feel like we should we should talk about it. It's a story that many people have expressed like what she's expressed many people are going through. What kind of advice would we give?
>> When when you hear that kind of story you are filled with sadness because the burden is really on her and from what she's saying >> her siblings don't even care. they are demanding >> you know so it's that entitlement mentality that we have that you know because okay you can say I I've seen a a uh brother of a very rich person >> and I've seen him very down >> and I think but you are kin's brother why are you like this >> you know because if you were my brother you wouldn't be like that >> I think but then have I really put myself in >> the brother's brother's shoes >> shoes to the wealthy brother >> the wealthy brother to see how maybe this one has been taken taken taken and has never come >> to say okay let me contribute to this your no and when I think of the brother of the gay gay or what is his name saying you only gave me 5 million 5 million for him to be well. He was sick. He had one surgery and they gave him 5 million.
>> So Trump after >> So you see it al this story of you know that Joseph shared with us reminds me of the movie Behind the Scenes.
>> Yes. Behind the scenes.
>> You know I don't know why if you've watched it.
>> Yeah I did.
>> And uh this was a person sort of taking herself out to see how you would behave after she's gone. So she was oblig she felt obligated to help people. And in that movie it was not just her siblings were there were also friends you know that she helped and everyone was depending on her and many times we feel that when we invest in people like that that in the times when we need it strong enough they would >> get up and help us according to that movie it wasn't quite let me give you the story of my father go ahead >> when he was before they burnt his house His house was the place to be.
>> Music 24/7, women, men, swimming, pool, everything, rocking, all his friends. He had friends.
The day they burnt his house and he was looking for money. I didn't see one of those friends.
>> Remember some >> I didn't see one friends >> to see him or say sorry. No, they move to the next move to the next person.
>> In fact, I don't even want to this house police are going to come and >> you know so >> there human beings for you. Let me take this person Amina from good morning Amina.
>> Good morning.
I'm so delighted to join you live. your view has been one of my best um um one of my best program over the years since I got married in um 2019 and today happens to be the first day I am able to come in.
>> Congratulations to you. We're happy that you today >> I think I need a badge for that.
>> Yes.
My name is Amina. So calling from you guys are being very well put to doing the best making sure that you are making we women >> um proud we are always always rooting for you more great to your elbow. So on the topic of discussion today, it's really a topic that is closer to home because indeed just as um mommy YK said, everybody is entitled. Everybody is entitled one way or the other. But one just absolutely it's part of our culture when you look at it. When you look at the root cause, it's part of our culture because while growing up, majority of us, some of us, not majority, did not grow up with our parents. Perhaps uh if our parent died for me, I lost my parents very young. So, I grew up with my uncles, my grandparents, you understand? So, it's part of us to feel like we have to give back.
>> But there should be moderation in everything that we do. Yeah. And people should also know that people you could remember going for I want to ask for something I like I'll be thinking people I want to ask for like you want to pay this bill if I ask for this thing will it shut me up and all and that makes me to be proactive ever since when I was very very young immediately I think secondary school I started something for myself >> because I know that definitely people have given back to me. I need to give back to people. It's just a natural thing in this part of the society.
Although some people overdo it, some people over use the opportunity >> and that's where we need to draw the line. We need to draw the line and that's why in everything that you do just do your best and well and you an inspiration well done sister mommy well done and to all the crew I say well done to you and to Mariam Thank you. I mean, that's a good way to go on our next break. When we return, we'll continue with our conversation.
Stay with us. We'll be right back.
>> Stay tuned. Your view will be right back.
In 3 2 1 we are live.
>> Welcome to East Flash. I'm on the black carpet and of course is Jub of Lagos.
Well, that's it on social.
Yeah, you already know, guys. Epplash give you the best of entertainment, the best of energy, best of everything you need to get your day going.
>> It's Epplash every weekday from 12:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m. on TC Entertainment.
>> Keeping hope alive. We are the drum bits that refuse to be silent even when the rhythm falters.
>> We are the green that refuses to fade >> and the white that dares to shine. Hope is not a stranger here.
>> It lives in our markets, >> our music, and our streets.
>> Every dawn in Nigeria is proof that tomorrow is still worth fighting for.
>> Hope is a child in the classroom, eyes wide with dreams bigger than walls.
>> Hope is the farmer planting seeds in faith, believing in rain and harvest.
Hope is the youth unafraid to rise, rewriting the story of our tomorrow.
Hope is us. Millions of voices refusing to give up on the promise of this land.
>> Nigeria, our independence is not just history.
>> It is a call to keep believing, >> to keep building, to keep hoping.
>> Now hope >> they carry us.
>> Even when wala they choke, we stand giddy. Hope they work with us for downfall.
>> It g with us for ba.
>> No matter the gay our spirit in noisa hope now that pe Okay, thank you for staying with us. Um, so we've been discussing as we know and we where we're talking about being entitled to our relatives that seem to have a lot and um we had a couple of callers that have called us and I would like us to just dig deeper on that. that Josephine has explained to us how she stretched Deborah sorry how she's stretched by all family members she has to support them one way or the other we have Amina who says she grew up yes she grew up in a home where every you know she was she doesn't feel entitled but people >> helped her >> she lost her parents and someone was able to help her nurture her train her and she feels that she too now she's in a better position to do for someone else although not to abuse it.
>> Um I would like us to put all that in conversation. One more thing I think just like a flip I think is important is >> we've been talking about those that have money. How about if you have relatives that don't have money um there are stories of relatives who say you know what I gave I don't have money but I'm in your house. I'm running errands for you. I am I'm giving you my time. I'm giving you all the little things that you're unable to do for you. I'm stepping in and doing for you and you also feel obligated or entitled to that.
So now on this >> um conversation let's put all that.
>> Okay. So um one of the things I noticed is most times not all the time uh many of our parents have conditional love and that's what they show not unconditional love conditional love the love is based on what you are able to do for them and that would also cancel out any child that's not doing for them they would cancel you. If you go to families, you see the ones that are bringing the money are the ones that are respected. The ones that are not, even if they giving their time are looked down on because they don't have the physical cash to bring. And what that conditional love gives is now makes the children as they growing up um are always eager to please because now you have to work to be loved. You have to earn your love. Many African parents make their children earn their love. Now when a child grows up in an environment where she has to end the love, it makes you a people pleaser. I'm going somewhere. When you're not a people pleaser and it gets to a point where you know that this is draining your pocket, this is draining you. But because you cannot say no, it becomes a problem and that is where someone like Debbie may fall in where I can't say no to them. I just have to give them. But it's draining you. It's stopping your life. You're not able to progress.
You're not able to save. you're not able to grow your own resources because you just feel that I have to I can't say no.
They will ask me if I don't give them I'm I'm seen as a bad person. Now you have to rewire your brain >> in terms of being able to say no.
>> Um I had a a um someone who I coached I think I think that was last year. She was in this situation where she was not able to say no to her family members. So I gave her some a couple of exercises that she had to do to position herself to say no without guilt. So sometimes people say no but then the guilt weighs down on them. They're feeling hey how would they look at me? What would they say about me? I'm now going to be hated and all of that. Mm- you know to the limit of what you can do. So one of the things is if you say I'm earning so so and so and I want to use this for charity for instance in a month from your salary as you pay your tithe you do all of those things and you set out for charity. If you max out on that charity do not touch the rest of the money >> no matter what is happen >> no matter what is happening. That's also one of the ways that you can say no and hold that no. Say the no with love.
>> Say the no with with your full chest.
Don't feel guilty that you said no because the truth of the matter is we don't know that we are nobody's God. So >> people who think if you don't help them today they will die is a lie. If you die they will still find help somebody. You are nobody's God.
>> So hold on that no and learn how to say no say no without feeling guilty. My daughter yesterday actually said to me, "You think you're going to guilt trip me?"
>> That is it. That is part of it.
>> So for me, before you read, can I just read from public commentary?
>> He says, "Are you what I have thought about >> now is that families should establish funds for capital projects. Those everyday expenses should not be on one person even if rich. After all, we find money for ashure.
>> He says if you only if you let only one person doing well dominate because of money, it will be like your your political parties. Everyone needs to contribute something so that they are not laidback, lazy, dependent and entitled. M >> I just thought >> I should read because >> I think that's a one of the >> if you know you have a family that is demanding the money let's establish everybody put money in the pot when you need it >> go and go and take on one person >> exactly but me I'll be needing it all the time now just sit down I won't even discuss it with my family now when I get home start a one story I think Jay-Z you know as we Oh, he's supposed to be a billionaire rapper, artist and whatever. And you there was a story of of one of his family members actually coming out to shame him like this.
>> And the backstory a lot of people were like, "How could he not give?" Because he actually he said the story that a family member had asked for something and he said, "No, I'm not going to give you that amount of money." And a lot of people said, "How can you have all this money and you cannot give?" Let's say it was $50,000. You cannot give your family member that,000. and the stories that came from it and some of the lessons I learned is when you have a very rich person in your family, >> go to them for emergency and really heavy issues, >> someone has cancer, >> a huge health bill is on your head, you know, that sort of thing. But your everyday running around and all those sort of things, handle that on your own and then leave according to your means.
they are there will be more willing to help you in situations like that because there's something that they call um charity apathy where just after a while the empathy and sympathy that feel towards you nobody wants to help you >> yeah so um just like you said you just took it out of me like I'll just only interfere during emergencies and that's what we should tell the bar to do another thing again she should put like me for example there's healthy lie there's Um there is lie. I know that one. But you can you can equally tell them that you fixed a certain amount amount of money. Anytime they come to ask you for money and you know that it's not important. You tell them that you fix a certain amount of money. This is what I maybe if they ask for 20,000 you can say okay take take 3,000. This is what I fixed the remaining money. I don't have it yet. You know you can just put because I can see she really loves them and she really wants them to be comfortable. So so that you will not be in a state in this kind of state. Just try as much as possible to have it balanced. You can just say, "Okay, this is the amount of money I have.
>> Slate it out. Every month, this is what I can tell some healthy lies." Let me ask you, it's finished.
>> Your your family should never know what you worth.
>> What you're really >> Yes. What you're really worth. They should never know how much you earn.
It's an aberration because once they know, they now start calculating for you what should go to you and what should come to them. They should not ask you what do you this your new job? How much are they even paying you? This business don't you know protect yourself. It's not because they are bad people just because human beings are naturally entitled one way or the other and very selfish. So they'll put themselves first even when is your money they calculating. If they are suspecting they're not very sure.
They will also minimize how they come to you because they don't know if you really have or if you don't. So just make sure that you close that.
>> You don't you don't have to. You don't have to tell people what you're earning.
Your lifestyle is enough. You have a house in Banana Island.
>> It's not my house. It's on rent.
>> Oh, you can rent a house.
>> The company that paid >> it doesn't matter. I ask you this question broke >> because >> I get you.
>> We are talking about family members. M >> what of all your rights as on the road >> are they not entitled is be if I'm waking up at 4 in the morning to come to TVC >> and you meet me on the road and your rights are me >> I am working >> must I give you >> no no >> you see so is this entitle entitlement mentality >> is across board it's not just >> your family members everybody to >> everybody.
>> And I need people to understand that even the rich people they sometimes they go broke. You see this mentality because they see that you have a car, you're doing very well, you can eat, they don't loan. Yes. They do they don't believe you. You can go broke. There are times that you wake up even 5K you don't have.
It's possible and it happens to a lot of people. So you should understand that sometimes you don't have >> and because at that part that point in time if you don't have a lot of people be asking and when you don't give they'll start saying ah this one is just being stingy. Sometimes you >> and it's okay to be stingy too. Is it okay to ask?
>> Okay, we have a call sahed calling from Surer. Good morning, Tahid.
>> Good morning.
>> Good morning. Good morning.
>> Good morning.
>> Thank you. I'm happy to able to call in.
>> Your program is very interesting.
>> Thank you.
um as uh concerning the issue of entitlement of uh you know parents or children and all that. I see looking at it from a religious point of view um children have been um or they I mean asked instructed to take care of their parents especially at old age.
>> Yes ma'am. And this will happen um as a result of the way you bring up your children. If you give them enough uh religious and moral upbringing, it will come naturally.
It it won't be forced.
Children who are brought up to be caring, you know, with the pair of gods, by the time they make it and their parents are at advanced age or even if they are not, they will be doing their duties without anybody coercing them to do so.
And it is also an obligation that any one of us who makes it in the family should assist those who do not have. But then like you said, we should encourage people to the hardworking themselves.
And then a number of uh contributions have been made by the people on the panel.
>> Mhm. uh as regards uh making people to understand that it is better for them to work hard and get assistance than being lazy.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. All right.
>> If they work if you see somebody making effort but um is not lazy.
>> You'll be willing to help not a person.
>> Sure. Sure.
>> These are just a few uh contribution I said I should make. Thank you so much sah for thank you for your contribution sahed. So earlier I was talking about um family members who may have less than you are than you have and um they provide you with some sort of they provide you with help. So they are not able to give you money.
>> They're there to go to the market for you. They make sure that your children are dropped off in school. They pick them up for from school there. You have to be at work. So there's someone that you know that is at home taking care of your children. You know there's so many things that they're doing for you that sort of makes your life easier and helps you to chase the money that you're chasing >> and then that person asks you for something >> and you give maybe less than what the person is expecting. Um the person says I want to start a business and I'm looking for 5 million NRA. I'm like I don't have 5 million NR take this 500k.
Not because you don't have. Now I'm talking of someone that lives with you, knows that you have a lot of not because that you don't have and the person calls you out on it and says I you know that you're being unfair.
>> The person feels that you're if the conversation comes out, you are able to tell the story of this person is entitled to my money because I'm making a lot of money. After all, I feed I feed them, I house them, I paid for their fees, the school that they went to, you know, or things like that. You're able to mention what you've done for them monetarily. The person is also able to say to you everything else I'm doing for you. I may not have money but because I am in your life somewhat helping you doing this and you also feel sometimes you even tell me I'm doing something you tell me not to do it please I need you to be at home right now >> I stop my life really essentially to make your life you know more comfortable.
>> You two are entitled to the services that I provide. M >> do you have you people experienced that and how do you handle relationships like that?
>> I have >> um I had my younger sister stay with me for a while and she made my life so easy. She'll take care of the kids. She bathe them in the morning, get them ready for school. Sometimes I'll have to call her. Whatever you're doing, I need you in the house. I need to be away. I'm on set and all of that. So, she stood in for me. So, for my kind of person, if I don't have if I have the money, >> I wouldn't just give you the money first. I will have a conversation. So this actually happened. She wanted to do a business and you know she came to me.
I said okay what do you need for the business? She presented it and I said okay how I believe starting a business is by starting small and then grow and she sees me I'm doing business. She knew how I started and then we grow. So what are the basic essentials that we need to start? Cuz you also need to test that this business is viable. I will not just carry 5 million and just give you like that. If you have no business experience that money can disappear. that's me not helping you because you come back to me.
So we sat down and we did a business class. Okay, I need this. I need this. I need this to be able to start and I did that. I need to do this course and I registered and she started and she gives me her record every 6 months, every one year and she's growing in the business.
So God should also bless us with family members that are reasonable because the first money that was required by the time we broke it down you'll be needing like 30% of it to start. Let's test the market. We had to tweak a few things later and then she's growing. The last conversation I had, I was so impressed.
And she keeps saying, "Thank God you held my hand and you had this conversation." So when those um proposals come, >> it's not for you to just dole out the money. You must also >> pay attention guide so that you the money is going into the right. We've had another person who came and we doled out the money like that without even understanding the business. And for three times that business failed because we didn't know, we didn't have what it took me. This business she brought, I had an idea about it. So it was easy for me. And if you don't have that idea, get somebody else who is a business person who has an idea for this business and see how you can guide so that your money >> is used properly and you're able to. But do not say no to somebody who has given you their time. If I had to pay somebody anytime I needed to go out to come and take care of my kids, I know how much I'll be paying. So you said >> I'm put in a situation just you know to finally to also round up just another scenario. So I don't ask for this relative does not ask for money for business but then she gets married and she starts having children. Would you take care of that person's children?
>> So when they come to you would you say this is black tax these are my children my my my sister's children my brother's children. Meanwhile that sister has been in your life helping you and serving you and she's given birth to children. She needs you now to pay fees. to do things for them. Would you now in the same with all honesty say that this is black tax?
>> No, I won't say that. I won't say that.
>> It's a tough one. I think maybe we should use this one to sort of end this show. Let all of us think about it >> on both sides of the equation. Sometime we are all entitled entitled we have some entitlement in one form or the other just as W said when we started >> and that you are the person that has money does not mean that you're not entitled to someone's services or non-monetary services. So this question really is to help us be humble you know in everything and show more empathy to all the people around us and for those of us who are who are getting monetary help from family members let's do it with a bit of decency let's understand that these are human beings to working with their own family and their own responsibilities as well I think that is the story the lesson for all of us here but definitely you know people like Deborah you know we we we hope that you're able to finally, you know, lay the boundaries that you need to protect yourself, not only your financial your financial situation, but also your mental health, you know, while you go through this journey. Thank you so much, ladies, >> for today's conversation. I think I personally learned so much and I'm sure that our viewers did the same. Let's go on a short break. When we return, we'll move on to our special feature for the day. We'll be right back.
Stay tuned. Your view will be right back.
>> Good morning, Marina Station and all the passengers.
>> Efficient. It's comfortable.
>> This development will go a long way in reducing congestion and emission.
>> The trains are long-term solution to Lagos traffic challenges. This is where we take the final you know decisions on policies programs of government and we have to ensure that you know the narration of Lagos as a PLC is taken very very seriously.
This is the major pedestrian bridge linkage or you go here to Apapa road over there.
>> With this overpass, we are providing what we call permanent solutions.
>> This place is one of the most dangerous areas at the biocurity environment.
>> This can go into the mess and every crumbs of your neighborhood. Our goal is to remain as Africa's model mega city to move our GDP from the 56 position to the third position and we believe is achievable with all the commitments we have.
>> Explore the city of Lagos where dreams are made and possibilities are endless.
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Welcome back and thank you for staying with us. So joining us to discuss on extra large farms agree wealth revolution is a trailblazing agreneur a renowned farmer and sustainable agriculture and tourism. She is the group managing director and co-founder of extra large farms and resorts.
Welcome Dr. Modi Davids.
>> Thank you.
>> So we're talking Agri Wealth Revolution.
what is that and how does it help Nigerians move from labor to wealth instead of just working for income?
>> Thank you so much. So um first I'd like to say happy labor day, happy workers day to everybody in the workforce in advance. And if you if you if you watch our trajectory you discover that at extra large we always you know try to do something meaningful you know to um make people happy to be a blessing to people at every point in time we were here for international women's day now we are here for labor day so the agri wealth revolution actually is to awaken the interest of people into agri business the agri business value chain you know because when people hear about agriculture or agri business. The first thing that comes to to their mind is still the conventional type of farming >> you know but there's a lot of wealth >> that is locked into the entire space and people are still not getting it.
>> They have not jied >> they have not jazzed. So if people like us will return from wherever we came from >> to settle in Nigeria >> and for for example I I don't have any other profession. I'm just a farmer. You know, my husband is has no other profession. We're just farmers. And to the deg 1 million people now who are doing one thing or the other within the agree business value chain and we've been able to empower over 200,000 registered, you know, and with proof under extra large in the past one decade.
>> So what we're saying now is this Labor Day, >> shine your eyes.
>> Don't let labor kill you. Don't kill yourself with tell me you know um so the ag revolution let me let me just say it this way is >> to let people know that you don't have to um put in so much into labor >> the way you're doing now yet you're getting so little.
>> So shine your eyes. There is a way in agriculture and we are set to lead this revolution to bring in 1 million people into the agri business value chain even as they are still you know in the um labor force wherever they are.
>> Okay. So let me ask you why do you believe agriculture is one of the strongest pathways to building transgenerational wealth in Nigeria today?
>> Thank you very much. So agriculture is is the lifeline of livelihood >> and economic sustainability.
>> It's the life. It's like the blood.
>> I can see in your cup you you've taken coffee or whatever this morning. No matter what you think you are, you eat.
>> We have over 250 million Nigerians to feed every day. Whether you are happy, you eat. Whether you are sad, you eat.
And I'm not just talking about food production. I'm talking about you know all the value chain you know there's logistics there's distribution there's let me give you a typical example do you know that ordinary as a nursery farmer you are not even the one responsible for farming whatever to table you just want to base yourself on nursery farming you can be a billionaire in that field >> now we are not talking about what we just want to do we are talking about what we have been doing over the years >> and you know like they say only a full doubt proofs So if we can't do it with zero, we came into Nigeria, we came in with some money, but everything disappeared. I've shared that story here many times.
>> But we were able to pick ourselves up again still in our Greek.
>> So anybody who claim, oh, they're broke, oh, they can't meet up, oh you're earning the salary. How much is the salary?
>> Look at our our salary structure in Nigeria. Even the highest paid um civil servant is earning between 700 5 700,000 to a million.
>> How much you spend on f I've been out of the country for some time. I just came back and in my first week of arrival I spent 150,000 within 5 days on fuel.
>> I'm like this is somebody's salary. How do people cope doing this? You know so there is a lot >> within that value space whether you have time to do it whether you don't have time we have created a lot of things for people to be able to participate actively profitably sustainably and even to be able to create transgenerational wealth something you can pass on to your children who passes on wealth to their children earning salary show me one person, none. But you you generate wealth and you're able to pass that on to your next generation by the things that you have been able to acquire and build assets from the income that you're earning. Like I said the last time I was here talking about wealthy women, you know, you don't you don't anything that you wake up to do every day, putting your labor, putting your time, putting your energy, whatever you're getting out of that is just an income.
>> You can never get rich doing that. But what you do with what you're earning with the income you have is what will create wealth.
>> Another thing is when you want to talk about wealth or riches, it it it has to be beyond you.
>> Yes.
>> It has to be impactful in the lives of other people. How many people can wake up today and boast that oh I'm earning a living because she has provided a platform.
>> Mhm. I'm earning a living because Antthony Tenny has this establishment and 100 500 1,000 people are working there. Who would have been jobless >> if she didn't do that?
>> So agriculture provides that opportunity for you yourself to be blessed.
>> Your community is happy. You're providing jobs and you are building sustainable wealth.
>> Yeah. Good thing. Okay. So talking about salary, right? So um for the average worker earning a salary, how can they practically start building wealth through agriculture without owning farmland?
>> Thank you very much. So the first thing they need is the technical know.
>> So you don't jump into especially something like agree business >> by what I'm saying now. You have to move close to those who know road. Let them show you the road. Mhm.
>> Whatever we've been doing for 18 years and that keeps bringing me back here every time >> at least shows that we know what we're doing.
>> Follow the people who know.
>> So that's why we're saying that this May 1st we have dedicated it to everyone listening to me out there who is tired of living on salaries. everyone who is out there in the labor force whether it's even your own personal business or you're working in one paid employment or whatever but you your your future is shaky you yourself you know that with the way things are going I'm not you know so what we've dedicated that day to celebrate those people and put them into the pipeline you know for them to be able to earn massively through agriculture and agree business and it doesn't have to do with money Because you know if we tie this to to money then we will be um we'll be shutting out a lot of people. We want it to be fair to all. Whether you're rich, this can make you richer.
>> Whether you're at the average level, it can elevate you. Whether you're at the zero level, you can actually in fact those are the people I love most. You you are claiming you don't have any.
Come there's a lot to do.
>> From zero to hero.
>> Yeah, there's a lot to do.
>> There's a lot to do. So on May 1st we're having this agree wealth revolution summit. It's just a kickstart to raising 1 million people who will come back in five three five years and say yes I'm a billionaire I'm a millionaire in the agri business space. So and that >> I should join.
>> You should join. You should join.
>> Follow follow follow is not a barrier. You know um gender is no barrier. And the fact that you're in paid employment whatever something is taking your time is no excuse. It's your passion that we need. We're going to show you practical things that you can do by yourself. Talking about exports, talking about logistics, talking about distribution, you know, talking about value addition. That's one of the things that we do mostly in extra large. We've been able to um you know re reefine agriculture where a new apparel for agriculture not only in Nigeria but across the globe. So we want to also show people how they can start that >> you know and Rome is not built in a day so you have to start now.
>> Yeah.
>> Okay. So, what makes Extra large farms a trusted platform for people who want to build sustainable and long-term wealth?
>> Thank you very much. I love that question. What makes us a trusted brand?
>> Okay, so if you anybody who is just checking right now, just type on Google >> who is pioneering agriurism in Nigeria.
Just go and check as you are watching right now. You will see the extra large farms and you will see my humble self there Moji David now. So it tells you we have like I said we have a community of people who eat our food products. We have about 21 different food products that you don't see in the open market.
How do we do it? Because we discovered a big challenge in that field. We suffered it for about 5 years before we to we cut sense a little bit. You know people are eating these food products every day.
Money is coming every second. How can you also plug into that?
In Lagos alone, people consume about 15 to 16 million bags of rice >> every year.
>> Million.
>> Plug yourself into one >> cava, yam, palm oil. We have not even talked about the expert. You know how many millions of Nigerians are living in the diaspora who will not >> even try to negotiate about eating Nigerian food, >> you know? So the opportunities are there and what makes us trusted is over the years we will be celebrating our 10th end of the year anniversary this year meaning in the in the past 11 years we've been partnering with people from all walks of life and with integrity that is one thing that we trade at textual integrity when we tell you something you can take it to the table like that and we've also been um able to empower minimum 200,000 people over the past one decade. People who can come out and say, "Oh, I I had no living, but I'm earning a living today from what I do with extra large firms." And like I said, doesn't really have to do about money. You know, we've also been able to build the largest right now. Check it, Google it anywhere. We own the biggest luxury farm resort anywhere on the surface of this country, Nigeria.
>> Well done.
>> So, we are not talking theory. M >> we are talking practical we are showing you what we have done not what we are about to do >> we are not going to call you into a business that we don't know anything about we have failed in this business we have gotten our fingers burnt in this agree business we have been threatened we have faced security challenges we have known what works and what doesn't work anyway but you don't have to start learning from that that that that scratch you can just come in labor >> and learn from the middle.
>> Learn from the middle of the middle and scale up and become a billionaire.
>> Learn from wool road.
We're marking Labor Day as you you know told us earlier and um many Nigerians I know you in fact I think you've already answered this question but just to end the segment if you can give us maybe bullet points like what can Nigerians do to stop surviving on income and then start building wealth that can outlive them through um agree wealth revolution if can just give them one two three four five so that these are tips you take away with can always remember First thing you need to do is to get trained.
>> Yes, >> you need to know >> what you're coming into and know that you know sometime can just be hearing about all these things but you don't really know the kind of wealth that we're talking about. So that is why we have set up that event like I said. Then number two, you need to be in the family of people who are doing this thing profitably.
>> You can say I'm stressing because I see a lot of people I I I I I'm not here to um shut down anybody or whatever. But I cannot see any of the companies that we started with about some 15 16 years ago. They are nowhere to be found. And it's not easy. Agree business is not a joke.
>> But to the glory of God, we are standing and we're standing strong today. So we're having this event, the agree wealth revolution summit and it also doubles as our annual members there at extra large. It's also our food day.
We're showing you how to be eating and be making money on what you're eating and how you can create a lot of wealth, you know, in that.
>> Did you learn it when you went there?
>> Yes, I did. I had a very wonderful woman conversation with her on entrepreneurship and the sort of challenges to sort of boosted you know my morale. Yeah.
>> So we're calling on young people. We're calling on you know middle age people.
We're calling on old people as well.
You're planning for retirement. You better start planning now.
>> It's happening on the 1st of May. It's a Friday. Thankfully it's a public holiday here live in Lagos. You know so everybody can be able to access it. It's called the Agri World Revolution. Now the the ticket for that event is actually worth 100,000 naira. But like I said, we don't want anybody to be shut out because they can't afford it.
>> So um for everybody listening to me right now and the fastest fingers to send May 1 to the numbers displaying on the screen 08151LE3LE 5 I think it's there on the on the screen. Just send May one to that number. I on behalf of the management of extra large we are going to sponsor at least 250 people >> to attend this you get >> labor day is Christmas day >> yes it is extra large >> and as you're coming that day you are not just coming to an ordinary event you are seeing it live and you know see what we did our set of speakers we didn't bring people from >> you know people that people can't relate to we brought people who have also from scratch are relatable and share their experience Thank you so much Dr. Moji David well done for joining us today and also um congratulations and we're wishing you success on the summit coming up and Nigerians inviting >> they've given you numbers and how to reach them and they say money is not a barrier even >> can we call that number one more time just it's on it's on the screen it's on the screen it's running on the screen both numbers are running on the screen thank you so much ladies thank you again Dr. David and our viewers, thank you so much for joining us today. See you tomorrow.
>> Bye for now.
>> Bye-bye.
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