The Narcissist Will Be Happy Right After The Discard

[00:00:00]narcissist looks happier than ever.

[00:00:01]They're posting someone new. They're smiling. They're acting like you never existed. But what if I told you that could be the biggest performance of their lives. Today, I'm going to explain why narcissists often pretend to move on long before they actually let you go.

[00:00:21]And what really they're hoping that you will do. And once you understand it, you'll never look back at their social media the same way that you did before. Let's get into it. Hello, I'm Anushka. I'm a researcher. I'm a motivational speaker with over a decade uh probably even more so working in mental health. And I've been here on a YouTube for quite some time making videos to help survivors of narcissistic abuse get over this and realize that they can have an even better life than they did before. So, if you're rebuilding your confidence after a toxic relationship, make sure that you subscribe because every week I break down the psychology of narcissism and toxic relationships and more more importantly, how you can take your power back. Now, let's talk about why narcissists are often in such a hurry to convince others that and especially you that they have moved on. Because the truth is far more revealing than the performance. So, why does it look like they've moved on literally overnight?

[00:01:27]The thing is most people who are healthy, they grieve. They take their time. They They take time to kind of, you know, settle their emotions, get head space, get clarity on what has actually happened. But with narcissistic individuals or maybe even toxic individuals, you'll find that this isn't the case. Now, I'm not talking about rebounds relationships or the one-night stands that you may have. Some of us do.

[00:01:57]But, what I'm saying is nobody rushes in to another relationship just like that. Narcissists manage appearances, that's what they do.

[00:02:08]Narcissists don't process the breakup in the same way that me or you do. And there's one vital reason why they don't, and that's all to do with their attachment. It's the way that they attach onto you. See, they don't attach to you with depth, with love, with unconditional love, with consistency, with responsibility.

[00:02:32]It isn't like that. They have more of like an avoidant attachment style. So, as soon as it gets too much for them, or as soon as they are um feeling that the relationship is going into some sort of depth, or it's going deeper, you know, whatever it may be, they pull away. Remember the push and pull dynamic, you never know where you stand, it's always just literally a mess. And that is indeed what narcissists do. So, when they haven't bonded to you in that way, then how do you expect, okay, that they then say, "Well, have to take time to get over things." They don't, simply for that fact. If they haven't bonded to you in that way, they haven't there's no depth, there's no um consistency, it's very easy to pull away and then go to the next person for that person then to give them what it is that they want, and that's about meeting their needs, that's about making them feel good, that's about getting their attention. And it's all very mechanical. And now, if you think about it, when someone upsets you, when you when they put you down, when they gaslight you, when they manipulate you, they lie to you, how are you then going to be able to give them all that attention, all that happiness, all of that validation? You're not, because you're human, you're going to take time to get over things, and you're going to, you know, want to, you know, work it out with the narcissist. The narcissist is not interested in any of that. That is what I'm saying.

[00:03:59]You play a role. You You play a function, and that's what they're looking for. So, when you stop doing that, that's when they are moving on. Can you see? They like It's like objectification. You're like an object. Right, I'm going to put you here cuz you're You're doing my head in.

[00:04:16]You're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. And then I'll I'll go to somebody else. And for us, that is devastating. Like, I completely understand. It is devastating because like you see them They They probably haven't even told you that the relationship is over. They probably haven't told you what has been going on.

[00:04:33]So, you notice or you see that there's somebody else in the picture. So, instead of the narcissist sitting with grief, they immediately focus on replacing validation. Not you as the person or the new the new supply as the person. It's about validation. It's mechanical.

[00:04:52]That's why there's a new relationship almost immediately. There's the constant social media updates. They've got to prove to the world that they are amazing, that they're not suffering. And they've got to show you that they are looking unusually really happy. See, the thing is, you're expecting emotional closure. They're focused more about image control. So, there's a difference here. There's a difference of motivation on what is actually going on here.

[00:05:20]They're not trying to convince everyone.

[00:05:25]They're trying to convince you. You've got to understand, with a narcissist, everything is strategic. So, post breakup behaviors are carefully designed to send a message. And that message is to you. Think about it. They're posting so much more on social media. They're showing that they're so happy. And these updates are are regular. Like, these are coming in at like literally a couple of times a day or if not more. Um they're going to be love bombing someone new publicly. Okay? And think about what kind of effect how this is making you feel. There's going to be vacation posts. There's going to be gym transformations. There's going to be success posts, quotes about happiness.

[00:06:10]And the message that they are trying to send is that you don't matter anymore.

[00:06:15]You are replaced. And I've got to You've got to understand and I've got to let you know that this is less about genuine happiness and more about protecting their fragile self-esteem, their fragile confidence. You They don't want anybody else to see them that they are sad, that they are upset. They can't show anybody that they are defeated. They can't do that.

[00:06:40]So, what is the next best thing? To show that they are so happy, that their life is so wonderful, that they're just you know, they're just doing great. If they can make you believe that you have been replaced, they will regain power. A new relationship isn't proof that they have healed.

[00:06:59]Actually, it's the opposite because they haven't. Do you think that they have sat down for 1 minute and thought about oh, okay, what what actually happened in this relationship? Why have we split up? Why are we not together?

[00:07:14]Could I have done things differently?

[00:07:16]Why Why did they react like that?

[00:07:18]Because you know what we do. We do sit in that in those thoughts. We do analyze everything.

[00:07:25]But you know what? They don't. They don't do that. Okay? Healthy people will heal. Healthy people will take time out to understand what has happened.

[00:07:33]But for a narcissist, it isn't about that. It's like what I explained earlier. There's no connection. There's no bond. So, for them it's very easy to replace that. Narcissists replace. Okay, healthy people heal. So, there's a vast difference between the two. And the reason why they do that is because of their attachment disorder. There is an attachment disorder that's at play here, and that is what you are seeing. Because if they were really done with you, okay, if that if this was really the case, okay, why are they coming back later on?

[00:08:04]And for those of you who are going through this for the first time, or you're probably thinking Anisha, like this ain't going to be happening. This isn't I'm just an exception to the story. You're not. Because they will be coming back. This is what they do. This is what people like that do. And the narcissist works in cycles.

[00:08:22]Their behavior is cyclical.

[00:08:25]And it's predictable. If you watch the patterns over time, it is very predictable because narcissists have not addressed the underlying issues. That's why they repeat the same behavior. It's like I said, do you think they sit there and they they think about what they have done? Do you think they Do you think that they even address any of it? Do you think they even think about therapy?

[00:08:48]Narcissists don't go to therapy. Believe me, they don't. Changing partners isn't the same as changing patterns, my friends. So, why do they need you to realize that they have won? So, this is something called narcissistic injury, okay? And that is all about ego injury, okay? They you have caused um them to reignite triggers of abandonment and rejection. That really is what's happening. That's what narcissistic injury really means. So, they've got to appear happy, healing, dating, thriving, no contact. So, for example, think about it. Let's Let's take this as an example. Imagine you, okay, you're out there online posting that you're happy, that you're healing, that you're dating, that you're thriving, that you're going no contact with them. The narcissist will lose control of the narrative. Can you see this will paint them in a bad light?

[00:09:45]Well, so they so they think that. They don't look at it as okay, us people, we have broken up, we're you know, we're we're trying to get over this relationship. They don't think like this.

[00:09:59]They've got to they've got to show the world that they are okay, that all of the issues, everything that was wrong in that relationship is to do with you, not them.

[00:10:10]So, there becomes this big showdown.

[00:10:12]So, they've got to flaunt this new supply. They've got to have this public affection. They've got to have all of this career achievements, luxury lifestyle, and what better way to do that than to put it on social media for the world to see how wonderful they are, how deserving they are of this life. You've got to understand that for them, the goal isn't happiness. So, my friends, one thing that I've got to say to you is if you're spending your nights worrying, wondering whether they're happier than you, they're still occupying space in your mind.

[00:10:47]You know, and for many narcissists, that's enough. So, how do you know that this is all a performance? So, this is the biggest sign. You got to see it that if they've genuinely moved on, as I was saying to you earlier, why do they keep coming back?

[00:11:03]Why are they keeping coming back to you?

[00:11:05]They're going to hoover you months later. They're going to be watching your stories. They're going to be contacting mutual friends, the fake emergencies, birthday messages, accidental texts, and liking old photos. This is all coming up. If this is your first rodeo, this is all coming up, my friends. Yeah, this is all happening. Because if people have truly moved on, okay, you say your goodbyes, all right, you give closure, you say your goodbyes, and then you actually move on. You actually like go forward in your life. So, what they're doing here, okay, is they're testing to see whether they still have access to you.

[00:11:42]Okay, that's not closure. That's unfinished control. Why are you, think about it, why are you going to be giving access to this person when they have discarded, when they have done all these things, okay?

[00:11:57]And they're going to be giving access to this person to have control over you or to know what is going on or happening for you.

[00:12:05]Can't do these things, my friends. That is wrong. We cannot allow these people to come in. Your healing is something that they can't predict.

[00:12:14]Okay, and that's why that is your power.

[00:12:16]You see, what happens is that survivors uh often waste so many months right at the beginning trying to figure out whether the narcissist is happy. What are they thinking? Are they going to be coming back?

[00:12:30]Instead, you need to be asking, "Am I becoming happier?" Because genuine recovery isn't about proving anything. But at the end of the day, the recovery and about moving forward and not caring about them, is thinking about yourself. About making sure that actually you are happy in your life because you realize that your life is about you. And it's about coming to the point where whether they moved on, whether they're happy, whether they're with their sixth sixth new supply, it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter. And that's where you let go, and that's where, you know, you just it it it just doesn't matter anymore because you put yourself first. So, my friends, I hope that this video has helped you to kind of shed light on things. And if this video has helped you understand what is really happening behind the narcissist's behavior, let me know in the comments cuz I'd love to hear your experience. And and if you're ready to stop focusing on them and start to rebuild yourself, we've got the daily rituals club, which all of the details are in the description box. And that's about practical exercises to help you stay on track every single day. And also, I do do one-to-one consultations if you would like something a bit more private and a bit more specialized to what you are going through. So, my friends, thank you so much for watching and I hope to see you in the next video.

[00:13:54]Goodbye.