Can A Swan Break Your Arm? | EP 34

Added: 2026-05-26

[00:00:00]Can we talk about your hair, James? Just I feel like Oh, yeah. I notice I've >> had a little haircut there. I've had it all cut off. It's gone. It's gone. The hair It's I've got like a sort of weird mullet thing.

[00:00:14]>> Yeah. It's just for work. Wasn't my choice.

[00:00:17]>> Thanks. I was I wasn't I'm not happy about it. I'll be honest.

[00:00:20]>> Are you Can What are you filming? Can you Can you talk about it?

[00:00:22]>> Uh thing for Netflix.

[00:00:24]>> Okay.

[00:00:25]>> Michelle Keegan.

[00:00:26]>> Okay.

[00:00:26]>> The Keester.

[00:00:29]Kevin Keegan.

[00:00:30]>> Don't think there's a relation.

[00:00:31]>> No. No. It's just >> She's well all right though.

[00:00:34]>> Yeah. Old Keegan. Never met her before.

[00:00:36]>> Yeah.

[00:00:37]>> And obviously she's a big star and she's big British. Doesn't really get much better. Bit bigger in Britain especially than Michelle Keegan.

[00:00:44]>> And I was thinking it would go I was like all my scenes are basic with her as well.

[00:00:50]>> And I was like this will e go one or two ways. Either she'll be well all right.

[00:00:55]>> Yeah.

[00:00:55]>> Or she'll be a [ __ ] lunatic.

[00:00:57]>> Right. But uh turns out she's great.

[00:00:59]Yeah. [ __ ] common Mac.

[00:01:03]>> One of us.

[00:01:05]>> Yeah.

[00:01:06]>> Yeah. Good girl. No, she's brilliant.

[00:01:08]>> Really nice.

[00:01:09]>> Um but yeah, doing a drama.

[00:01:12]>> Everything I do is just quite funny, isn't it?

[00:01:15]>> Yeah. I I think that's great. I think >> But it's about like a murder mystery and stuff and and police and detectives and >> something that went on in the 90s and uh now the What do they call it? The They're coming home to roost the chickens or whatever.

[00:01:32]>> All the chickens are coming home to roost. Yeah.

[00:01:34]>> And it's a bit and there's twists and deceit and backstabbing and then me.

[00:01:45]>> Um >> my big face pops in to a scene.

[00:01:51]Um they be like, "They're all dead." And I like, "Well, don't worry about it.

[00:01:57]cup of tea.

[00:02:01]>> Oh, that's honestly that sounds really good. I love I mean I love that genre.

[00:02:04]That's really cool. So it's like crime.

[00:02:08]>> It's based on a Holland Cobin book.

[00:02:09]>> That's correct. Yeah.

[00:02:11]>> Yeah. They've made a >> Is it set in the 90s or it's about stuff happened in the ' 90s but now >> something happened in the ' 90s and now it's sort of unraveling present day.

[00:02:20]>> Okay. Um, they did a Polish version on Netflix five years ago called The Woods. That's what this one's called as well.

[00:02:30]>> Okay.

[00:02:30]>> I started watching that. It turns out it's just completely different to what >> Okay.

[00:02:36]>> what we're doing.

[00:02:37]>> Okay.

[00:02:38]>> Cuz you can you can adapt stuff, can't you? Tweak things and change things. You get different audience.

[00:02:42]>> Yeah.

[00:02:42]>> But, um, really interesting.

[00:02:46]Great people working on it. Everyone's dead. All right. Everyone's nice. Enjoy myself. Apart from the haircut. Felt like I'd lost a bit of myself.

[00:02:55]So, what So, with this haircut, what are they what are they saying?

[00:03:00]>> I'm a um sort of a you know, weed smoking.

[00:03:05]>> Oh, okay.

[00:03:06]>> Teachers assistant at a university.

[00:03:08]>> Oh, okay.

[00:03:09]>> And I'm a bit sort of like >> Whoa. chilling out.

[00:03:12]>> You think you're a bit cool?

[00:03:14]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:03:14]>> Okay. Okay.

[00:03:15]>> So, they gave me a a cool guy's haircut.

[00:03:18]>> Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it is. It's very sort of um uh alam mode.

[00:03:25]>> Yes.

[00:03:25]>> Like it's like what I said Joe when they cut my hair.

[00:03:29]>> Um >> this is quite alam mode, isn't it?

[00:03:31]>> Alam mode. Is this bit alam mode?

[00:03:34]>> Um it's um it's good cuz I mean I I my hair is like I just don't know what it is at the moment. Like I >> You're quite lucky with your hair, Joe.

[00:03:43]You got a good head of hair there. It falls nicely even when you haven't had a cut for a little while.

[00:03:48]>> This I don't like all this. These get a bit whiffsby.

[00:03:52]>> No.

[00:03:52]>> And it all goes in the same like they don't they don't both go in towards my head or both go out. They like both go left.

[00:03:59]>> Yeah.

[00:03:59]>> Like a tree on the coast.

[00:04:03]That's And I'm like, what is what is that? It's I've always had messy hair.

[00:04:10]>> Yeah.

[00:04:10]>> My daughter looks like like what I used to look like when I was a kid. Now, she emerged at the top of the stairs today.

[00:04:17]You know, rough and ready, grubby knees.

[00:04:19]>> Exactly. Exactly. I think my mom's main priority when I was small was making me look cute, >> right?

[00:04:26]>> Uh and that wasn't my I think it's really funny what children want to wear versus what their parents want to put them in. I think children have really like commercial taste. Children just want like whatever's got the most lo they all the worst lessons basically.

[00:04:40]They want whatever every child they're total sheep. They want to wear what every other child is wearing.

[00:04:45]>> Most logos, most like American style clothes >> just or whereas parents are like, "But this is lovely. This is made of wool and no other child will have it." And the child be like, "Yeah, that's why it's [ __ ] [ __ ] and I don't want to wear that cuz they'll bully me."

[00:04:57]>> And I remember one time my mom putting me in >> a little outfit to go to a children's party and it had like it was a little short.

[00:05:03]>> Yeah. Yeah. And I remember there was this older girl who just really took to me. Like not in a kind of fancing way, more in a kind of like she just thought I was she just couldn't get. She just wanted to like pick me up and SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, I'VE GOT HIM." And um I couldn't bear it. I was like, "Thanks for this, Mom.

[00:05:19]>> I'm basically a teddy bear now."

[00:05:20]>> I was about five. My um my parents outfit choices for me in the early 90s were insane.

[00:05:29]>> What sort of >> Absolutely insane. I remember I went to a wedding once in a lime green button shirt, >> bright red bow tie.

[00:05:41]>> That is It was It was maybe All right.

[00:05:43]>> Rainbow Specs Savers glasses look like [ __ ] Elton John or something. It was very >> Why had they chosen the bow tie?

[00:05:55]>> I don't know, man. Bright red. Red and green look like a Christmas tree. Red and green is very Christmas.

[00:06:01]>> Very home alone.

[00:06:02]>> Yeah.

[00:06:02]>> All red and green, didn't they?

[00:06:04]>> Yeah.

[00:06:04]>> To make it look like make you think of Christmas.

[00:06:06]>> Yeah.

[00:06:07]>> Yeah.

[00:06:08]>> What have you been up to? You've been up to anything? I haven't spoken to you for >> what I've been up to. Um went to the zoo, obviously.

[00:06:14]>> Yeah. How's the zoo? How's the zoo going?

[00:06:15]>> The zoo's all right. Honestly, I was I was buying an ice cream and the person sent me the ice cream went, "You're a gold member, right?" I was like, "No, but I think they're just starting to recognize me. I think they're like where you should be." Next they'll be like I they'll be getting me to like muck out the you know zebras or something because they'll be like well you work it don't you?

[00:06:33]>> Um >> they might get you to help with the conservation efforts.

[00:06:37]>> Yeah.

[00:06:40]>> What's the big what's the what's the star attraction at London say? What's the big >> It's you at this point isn't it?

[00:06:46]>> Me from is doing a sort of continuous PA there. So, um, well, my daughter thinks the star attractions at the zoo are getting your face painted, going to the playground, just the playground, 50 quid to get in, just a playground.

[00:07:00]>> Um, and, uh, ice cream. That's what, um, so none of the animals.

[00:07:05]>> I'm now trying to basically bribe. If the zoo is full of, >> um, parents trying to go to their child, can we just see one animal?

[00:07:14]>> Yeah.

[00:07:15]>> Before we get the ice cream.

[00:07:16]>> Yeah. and children. What what I find quite sweet, >> they've got gorillas.

[00:07:20]>> They got gorillas. They're >> got gorillas. Lions.

[00:07:22]>> They've got lions. They >> got lions and gorillas.

[00:07:24]>> They got lions, gorillas. They got tigers.

[00:07:26]>> Polar bears.

[00:07:27]>> They haven't got polar bears. Um, apparently they used to have polar bears in London Zoo. Uh, and somebody told me that they once went to London Zoo and it was snowing and the polar bears were so confused they went indoors.

[00:07:43]>> Right.

[00:07:44]>> So, I bet I don't think they should have had polar bears there. probably. Um, >> do you do you know I think it's weird if you live in London, you also live in the same place as some lions.

[00:07:54]>> I know. Well, there's a park next to the zooon.

[00:07:57]>> Yeah, it is. Yeah. Um, >> I used to play a computer game called >> Caesar 3, which was a city Roman city.

[00:08:06]And sometimes if the city was like attacked, I think I feel like the lions would get out of the coliseum and they would start >> and I also I wonder if that would happen in London.

[00:08:19]>> Be amazing, wouldn't it? Imagine that.

[00:08:20]Imagine one of the gorillas get out.

[00:08:22]>> Yeah. I mean, the gorillas are they're all I mean, interestingly, I think the big animals are the things that the parents want to look at. What's quite um what's quite sweet with my daughter is that >> she really likes the things like the insects and like the snails and stuff and it's basically because they're much better for children cuz >> they're closer. They're at their level.

[00:08:41]They don't move very much. So it's like they're just there >> and she's not scared of them at all. She was like all the praying mantises and stuff and >> big sort of you know you have to say weird stuff.

[00:08:53]>> Yeah.

[00:08:54]>> Um and she's like you know very happy snails or something. giant African giant African land snails.

[00:09:01]>> I also I took my daughter swimming as well and that was really nice. I'm so sort of uh just it takes me ages to get going.

[00:09:11]So, basically she was like, "Can we go swimming?" I like looked up some swimming pools. I was like, "Oh, there's one here we could go to, but like the family swimming isn't until >> um like next Saturday because this was Sunday." And she was like, "Well, why don't we go to another pool?" And I'm like, "Oh, you >> Yeah, I I know, but I can't be bothered."

[00:09:31]>> Yeah.

[00:09:32]>> But I'm like, "I suppose I should parent her."

[00:09:34]>> Yeah.

[00:09:35]>> So, I just looked one up and we went and it was really good. And then, uh, basically, essentially, she just planned the day. Now, I just get up, I'm like, "Oh, just >> what we doing today?"

[00:09:47]>> And basically, yeah, it was her day. We went went swimming, went to the park.

[00:09:52]Uh, it was a long old day. I mean, by the end of we go to this park all the time and yeah, it's I've put in some hours at that.

[00:10:05]>> It occurred to me recently that in in 8 years time I'll be 50.

[00:10:08]>> Yeah.

[00:10:09]>> Right. That's so sad that I could tell even my mom was sad when I told her. She looked heartbroken.

[00:10:15]>> Well, imagine how it feels.

[00:10:16]>> It made Well, obviously it made her feel old, I suppose. But also, >> you 41.

[00:10:20]>> 42.

[00:10:20]>> 42.

[00:10:21]>> Yeah. A disaster. [ __ ] disaster, right? And on paper >> that, you know, you're in your 40s.

[00:10:28]Doesn't sound great, does it?

[00:10:29]>> No.

[00:10:30]>> Imagine your child being 42.

[00:10:32]>> I know. Well, that was what she was thinking. She thought, "My god, >> what must I be?"

[00:10:37]>> Yeah.

[00:10:39]>> And she couldn't even think.

[00:10:41]>> That's it.

[00:10:42]>> I'm 40 next year.

[00:10:44]>> Don't last year.

[00:10:46]>> Just Yeah. But you know, you're in your 30.

[00:10:48]>> Do I got to do something? Yeah. We're both in our 30s.

[00:10:51]>> 30s. Yeah. Well, I'm only just 30. You must be 30.

[00:10:54]>> 39.

[00:10:54]>> Well, we're both in our 30s.

[00:10:56]>> But no, I suppose it's more that I I don't want to think about um you know, when I'm 43 even. I don't even want to think about that. Like, don't don't make me put something in the diary where I'm thinking about being 43. I don't even want to be a week older.

[00:11:13]>> Yeah.

[00:11:13]>> Don't make me think beyond today.

[00:11:15]>> You're doing great. To me, you look you you look I'm doing all right. You look like about 12 still. Well, um, >> you're fine.

[00:11:23]>> Yeah. Um, >> you got your floppy boyish >> I got my floppy boyish hair >> and you got a bit of the um, >> what's his name? Oh, floppy head. Floppy head. Posh.

[00:11:34]>> No.

[00:11:35]>> Hugh Grant.

[00:11:35]>> Hugh Grant. Yeah, >> Hugh Grant. Huge grunt. I'd love to.

[00:11:38]>> You've got a bit of huge grunt about you.

[00:11:40]>> Love to have that >> handsome sort of boyish.

[00:11:42]>> I'd love to. I'd love a bit of Hugh Grant, but I think I was watching for funeral the other day.

[00:11:47]>> [ __ ] hell, he's handsome. My god.

[00:11:49]>> Seen it. Jesus Christ. Never seen four.

[00:11:52]Never seen it. No.

[00:11:54]>> No. So, yeah.

[00:11:55]>> Is it Is it good?

[00:11:56]>> Somebody who I think I do think I look a little bit like >> I've never seen Four Winners and Funeral.

[00:12:00]>> It's good. No. Yeah, it is good.

[00:12:01]>> I've never seen Notting Hill.

[00:12:03]>> It is good.

[00:12:04]>> I just think it's all a bunch of poshos.

[00:12:07]>> It is a bunch of posh shows. That's definitely true.

[00:12:09]>> I remember I watched uh Bridget Jones's Diary once.

[00:12:15]>> Yeah. And it was like, "Oh, we're going to mommy and daddy's in the like in the countryside."

[00:12:21]>> I I can't remember exactly what happened, but it was like she had some trendy flat in London and then she was going to mommy and daddy's in the I was like, I'm so I'm so far away from these people.

[00:12:31]>> I think though there was an era where it seemed as though maybe everybody was going to be middle, you know, that phrase like we're all middle class now.

[00:12:38]It felt like that was something that maybe we'd all attain like we were all getting rich aspirational.

[00:12:43]>> No, it's not even a rich thing, is it?

[00:12:44]It's a It's just mommy and daddy in the countryside.

[00:12:48]>> It's a sort of off middle class >> that sort of thing.

[00:12:50]>> Like I've never come from a family >> Yeah.

[00:12:53]>> where if someone dies, they leave you something. I've never There's There's just nothing there. There's nothing to be left.

[00:12:59]>> Yeah. Yeah. No, that's that's >> there's no houses. There's no cottages anywhere.

[00:13:04]>> Yeah.

[00:13:05]>> No one's got anything in my family.

[00:13:08]>> We're all [ __ ] useless.

[00:13:10]I got nothing coming to me.

[00:13:13]I I mean it's I think it's a I think it's a fair point and I think they are it's a depiction of a life that presumably very few people actually enjoy. I don't know. I think I kind of >> I think it just America, doesn't it?

[00:13:26]That's how Americans would like would like >> that's what Americans think that I mean in 101 Dalmatians there's a guy who is a sort of jobbing computer game designer, right? He's basically like he's sort of borderline out of work. He's a kind of artist, >> right?

[00:13:43]>> And he lives on like, and this is an American film, he lives on like Berkeley Square or something. It's like it's ridiculous.

[00:13:50]>> His house kind of abuts Green Park or something.

[00:13:53]>> I think Peep Show does a good >> realistic interpretation of of sort of two middle class uh university educated guys living together >> because they're still in squalor.

[00:14:06]>> Completely. Yeah. Completely. They do have mommy and daddy and they do have sort of >> Yeah.

[00:14:12]>> You know, their family and sisters are lawyers and things like that, >> but they're still sort of scrabbling around and trying.

[00:14:19]>> I think that's Yes. It's it's the bank of mom and dad, but the bank of mom and dad doesn't mean that you're living fabulously. Like, you're not going to starve, but you're still going to have a relatively crummy >> Yeah.

[00:14:31]>> life for about 30 years.

[00:14:33]>> I always think that flat looks grim.

[00:14:35]>> It's grim. There's a bit in one of the episodes where like they're hoovering up and they're just using they haven't got the proper end for the hoovering.

[00:14:44]>> Jez and the camera's like on the hoover.

[00:14:48]They don't they do that weird shot and he's just hoovering up cigarette but like hoovering up everything up everything. Yeah.

[00:14:53]>> There's like crisps in a bowling you could still eat those.

[00:14:58]>> Yeah.

[00:14:58]>> And he's just hoovering the bowl.

[00:15:00]>> It is um it is a very good depiction of of um Yeah. of Squala, isn't it?

[00:15:07]>> I wonder if they'll do more Peep Show.

[00:15:11]I feel like they should. Don't know if um what's what are they up to?

[00:15:15]>> Well, I Well, I suppose Jesse Armstrong wrote Succession, but that's >> Sam Bane and Jesse Armstrong.

[00:15:20]>> They've got that sketch show now, Mitch and Web on Channel 4, which is coming back.

[00:15:24]>> I've still not I've still not seen it.

[00:15:26]An updated Peep Show would be interesting because it would be interesting to see it in the era of I suppose like the economy as it is as it is now like apps everywhere AI all that stuff cuz I mean it feels like a kind of >> late ' 90s early naughties world like it's kind of >> the internet is still kind of on the border of their existence rather than just being >> absolutely saturating everything. Yeah.

[00:15:56]>> Um, >> it'd be challenging. I think it's really hard to write about the modern world cuz how do you like what do you do about screens?

[00:16:04]>> Jez would be trying to like trying to launch an app.

[00:16:07]>> Yeah.

[00:16:07]>> I mean, there's so much podcast and stuff. Jez would have a podcast.

[00:16:11]>> He'd have a podcast.

[00:16:12]>> There's so much stuff going on in that media.

[00:16:14]>> Yeah.

[00:16:16]>> I mean, I do forget how old Peep Show is. I think Peep Show had something like five series before The Inbetweeners even came out. So, four series or something.

[00:16:25]I do forget how old the Peep Show is and you watch it now like Jeremy says things like which now isn't it's not even a funny joke because it's so got gone the other way. He keep he says a few times I think the internet's going to be really big.

[00:16:43]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:16:44]>> And now we're so we've like oh we've done that joke as well.

[00:16:48]>> We're so far out the other end.

[00:16:50]>> Yeah.

[00:16:51]>> But Jeremy like a few times like Yeah. I see the I think the internet the internet's going to be really big I think.

[00:16:55]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You mean we're at the other end as in it's obvious now >> which was funny at the time because it because I think the internet was already big at that point.

[00:17:04]>> Yes, of course. So Jeremy saying the internet's really big. Now it's redundant. Now it's completely redundant because the internet is not only really big. The internet is everything.

[00:17:12]>> This is everything. Yes. It's not. Yeah.

[00:17:14]It's just a case of like what little islands have not yet been swallowed up by it.

[00:17:19]>> Yeah.

[00:17:20]>> I like jokes like that though.

[00:17:21]>> Yeah. I do like Joe. I said to uh I went to see Paul Weller once a couple of years ago.

[00:17:26]>> Yeah.

[00:17:27]>> And um and I went to say goodbye to him >> uh and I watched the show and he was it was really good. He was really really good. His band was like it was probably I've got to see him a few times >> and this particular one he everyone sounded so tight, so brilliant >> and um and I said, "Oh, I'm going to I'm going to shoot off now. It's nice to see you again. Just want to say you sound really great." I was like, "I think you should stick at this. I think uh I think you could really make a go at this point.

[00:17:55]>> He just laughed and went, "Yeah, yeah, good.

[00:17:59]>> He's got a really good sense of humor.

[00:18:01]>> Keep going, Paul. Keep going."

[00:18:03]>> I think I can really see a future in this for you, mate. You can >> Yeah, that's good.

[00:18:09]Um, but yeah. No, I mean, yeah, people show very um very I mean, a very bleak a very bleak show. I think of all the of all the sitcoms, I think I feel like that would be the easiest to bring back >> and it would just hit the ground running >> and it would just pick up from where it left off sort of thing.

[00:18:29]>> Yeah, >> I think that would I think Yeah. Can we do that? Should we start a movement?

[00:18:34]>> I'd love that.

[00:18:35]>> More peep show.

[00:18:36]>> It's a great show. So good.

[00:18:38]>> Season nine kind of I feel like that was the last season they tipped over into the modern world. Like Mark was really into Candy Crush.

[00:18:47]So that that last series kind of did a little bit of a transition.

[00:18:50]>> I always felt that I always felt that the Simpsons never really knew what to do about the internet. I I think it had I think it was the great sitcom or I suppose it is sort of a sitcom of the television era. It really understood. It was so interested in television and it really knew about television >> and >> like and the opening credits are the Simpsons family coming home and sitting in front of the television. This was the this was the it was it was a television show that was about television.

[00:19:21]>> Yeah. Should we do Should we do >> Yeah. Let's Let's um sort of >> That's a That's a very cold open.

[00:19:35]Welcome to Joe and James Fact Up. Each week, we'll be bringing facts to one another that we deem interesting. Mine's terrible. This, by the way, >> Oh, well, mine's quite good. I bet we I bet we've gone for the same thing. We'll get to it in a second.

[00:19:47]>> Oh, I hope not. No, cuz I don't think I think mine's good.

[00:19:50]>> But your >> What are we doing?

[00:19:54]>> Are we doing Dracula?

[00:19:55]>> Yeah.

[00:19:55]>> Yeah. Okay. Okay. But that's that doesn't count as us doing the same thing.

[00:19:59]>> But I'm not. Yeah. No.

[00:20:00]>> Unless our fact is this week we're doing Dracula, which >> we are, aren't we?

[00:20:04]>> No, but what I mean is >> No, no, but what I mean if that's not the that No, unless it doesn't matter.

[00:20:09]Let's just let's just carry on.

[00:20:10]>> Okay. You guys know what a podcast is?

[00:20:12]Yeah.

[00:20:12]>> Yeah. Yeah. Um >> Well, listen, I we'll we'll let you guys know whether or not our uh fact is about Dracula later.

[00:20:20]>> Yeah.

[00:20:20]>> Our policy is that the more interesting the fact, the more true it is. We'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true, but don't want to research yourself in a segment that we call fact check. So, if you do want to send us your facts, email us [email protected].

[00:20:34]Our WhatsApp number is 07822034330 and you can follow us on socials, jojamespod.

[00:20:42]And you can also watch our episodes in full on YouTube. Just search for Joe and James Facts Up. Now, let's get fact up.

[00:20:53]So, we had some suggestions for Script Up, and one of the iconic scenes in film that I thought would be fun for us to do is Bane versus Batman in The Dark Knight Rises.

[00:21:04]>> Who would like to be Bane? And who would like to be Batman?

[00:21:06]>> I feel like you should probably be Bane, shouldn't you?

[00:21:08]>> I'm going to be Bane.

[00:21:10]>> Yeah.

[00:21:10]>> Yeah.

[00:21:10]>> I'll be Batman I'll be Batman.

[00:21:12]>> I'm going to send you script. All right.

[00:21:15]>> Uh, what I will say is this is a Baneheavy part of the script, but this is a fight scene. I don't know if you remember. They're on sort of this catwalk sort of element.

[00:21:25]>> Um, I don't know whether I've actually seen Dark Knight Rises. So, >> it doesn't matter.

[00:21:30]>> Doesn't mean it.

[00:21:31]>> That's fine. Tom Hardy won't have seen it when he got the script. So, >> Exactly.

[00:21:35]>> Also, you don't you don't need to do You could do your own spin on it.

[00:21:40]>> Yeah.

[00:21:41]>> Yeah. I'm I'm going to put I'm gonna put my own thing into B Batman.

[00:21:47]>> Yeah. I mean, I'm >> put a bit of Joe Thomas into this. Show Tom how it should have been done.

[00:21:52]>> Yeah. Okay.

[00:21:52]>> All right. Here we go.

[00:21:53]>> Okay. Um All right. Take one.

[00:21:55]>> Action.

[00:21:56]>> You've made a serious mistake.

[00:21:59]>> Not as serious as yours, I fear >> Bane.

[00:22:05]>> Let's not stand on ceremony here. Mr. way.

[00:22:10]>> Catwoman hears the name, less sure of what she's done.

[00:22:15]Batman moves at Bane, strikes powerful blows. Bane catches his fist.

[00:22:21]>> This is Gossu's strengths. Victory has defeated you.

[00:22:26]>> Bane smashes Batman back.

[00:22:28]>> Batman back.

[00:22:29]>> Batman back. Sorry.

[00:22:30]>> Kicks the spat back.

[00:22:34]>> Batman back. kicks him off the catwalk.

[00:22:37]Batman drops, uses his cape to land.

[00:22:39]>> There's always a catwalk, isn't there?

[00:22:41]>> Bane climbs down on a chain. His men watched in disciplined silence. Batman hurls flashbangs at Bane, who doesn't flinch.

[00:22:50]>> Theatricality and deception are powerful agents to the uninitiated.

[00:22:56]>> Batman lashes out at Bane. Bane counters. They separate.

[00:23:02]>> But we are initiated, aren't we?

[00:23:05]Bruce, I don't think >> the League of Shadows and you betrayed us.

[00:23:12]>> Us? You're excommunicated from a gang of psychopaths.

[00:23:16]>> Now I am the League of Shadows here to fulfill.

[00:23:21]>> Now then, Risha Ghoul.

[00:23:24]>> Ra Ghoul.

[00:23:26]>> Destiny.

[00:23:27]>> Destiny.

[00:23:29]>> Script. Batman hurls himself at Bane, throwing him into the waterfall where he smashes his fists and gauntlets.

[00:23:37]>> Where is it? There's a cat >> into Bane's mask. Yeah, water. Well, waterfalls earlier >> and gauntlets into Bane's mask again and again. Water cascading over them. Bane is not moving. Just taking the blows.

[00:23:48]>> Batman pauses.

[00:23:53]>> Bane's arms shoot out.

[00:23:55]>> Batman.

[00:23:57]>> What shoots out?

[00:24:00]So, so um Bane's taking some blows.

[00:24:03]Something shoots out.

[00:24:04]>> Yeah.

[00:24:04]>> Batman's getting smashing Batman.

[00:24:06]>> Smashing Batman aside, Bane rises.

[00:24:11]>> You fight like a younger man. Nothing held back. No reserves. Admirable, but mistaken.

[00:24:21]>> Batman hits a switch on his belt. Oh, you're the lights go out. Bane turns slowly addressing all the shadows at once.

[00:24:31]You think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark >> again. But you merely adopted the dark.

[00:24:41]I was born in it.

[00:24:44]Formed by it.

[00:24:46]>> In the shadows. Batman circles looking to strike.

[00:24:48]>> Is Bane taking a [ __ ] She's taking a really big turd.

[00:24:54]>> I didn't see the light until I was already a man.

[00:24:59]And by then it was nothing to me but blinding.

[00:25:04]>> Bane lunges backwards into the darkness.

[00:25:06]Batman's throat in his grasp.

[00:25:09]>> The shadows betray you because they belong to me.

[00:25:16]>> Bane smashes him into You haven't got any lines at all. Bane smashes him into the ground. Pounding. Pounding.

[00:25:21]Pounding. So capitalized pounding but then just normal pounding. pounding the hard cowl with his bare fist until it cracks. Bane rises from Batman, gestures to the ceiling of the chamber. Explosive charges have been drawn into holes.

[00:25:36]I will show you where I've made my home while preparing to bring justice.

[00:25:44]Then I will break you.

[00:25:48]>> Oh, that was I'm I've got tingles. I honestly I thought you were going to read the stage directions.

[00:25:55]>> I thought I feel like I should have done.

[00:25:56]>> You should have done because you would have had something to do.

[00:25:58]>> Yeah.

[00:25:58]>> But I I um >> No, that was uh glorious.

[00:26:02]>> The reason I read the stage directions is because like >> when you are in a character like Bane wouldn't share the directions.

[00:26:10]So like it was quite difficult to not actually physically attack.

[00:26:13]>> I feel like if Bane was reading the script, he would read the directions.

[00:26:17]>> Yeah. He'd read Batman as well, but like I had that's you know had to >> It was difficult. Even that I consider a compromise that Bane >> It will be very painful.

[00:26:26]>> Yeah.

[00:26:26]>> For you.

[00:26:27]>> That's my favorite bit.

[00:26:29]>> The bit on the plane.

[00:26:30]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:26:31]>> I haven't watched that for years. I need to rewatch it.

[00:26:33]>> Good film.

[00:26:34]>> Yeah.

[00:26:34]>> Good film. Made better. I think >> I think I think Nolan is kicking himself now because you know he listens to this.

[00:26:42]>> He'll be calling you up >> for the next project.

[00:26:44]>> Yeah.

[00:26:45]>> No doubt.

[00:26:45]>> Absolutely.

[00:26:48]Well, we'll see.

[00:26:48]>> Hoppenheimimer, too. Hoppenheimimer.

[00:26:50]Hopping.

[00:26:53]>> Hoppenheimr.

[00:26:53]>> Hopenheimr. HOPPENHEIMER TOO.

[00:26:55]HOPPENHEIMER.

[00:26:56]>> Have I told you that um I'm sure I've said this before, but like you know when we would when we were doing >> like a Pixar Easter um film.

[00:27:03]>> Yeah.

[00:27:04]>> Hoppenheimr.

[00:27:07]>> Released on Easter Sunday.

[00:27:08]>> Yeah.

[00:27:10]>> It's definitely got a shot at that.

[00:27:12]>> Yeah. Um, have I told you that >> when the communist bunny >> the um when we did the inbetweeners films, >> the scripts kept getting leaked and >> did they?

[00:27:26]>> Yeah.

[00:27:27]>> Who was leaking them? I never knew this.

[00:27:28]>> Um Oh, well they they they >> I had no idea. I I had no idea at all.

[00:27:32]>> They never found out who was leaking them. Anyway, moving on. Um Oh, but um they so they gave him these code names on the email. That's >> right. Yeah. Talk about those.

[00:27:42]>> I don't know. But the second one was called The Long Goodbye.

[00:27:44]>> The Long Goodbye. Yeah.

[00:27:44]>> And so for a while on the United Agents website, it said Joe is the star of The Inbetweeners movie and The Inbetweeners movie 2 colon. The Long Goodbye.

[00:27:53]>> Yeah. That was just our code word for it.

[00:27:56]>> But also like >> cuz if you found the script or something, someone left it on the train, >> it would just say >> it would just say The Long Goodbye. I mean, if you turn the first page Yeah.

[00:28:03]>> it would say >> it'd be like Mr. Cooper being oi Simon.

[00:28:07]Where are you off to?

[00:28:09]>> Yeah. Anyway, >> how does the second in between this film start?

[00:28:14]>> Um, >> at a party or something. Hogwarts party.

[00:28:19]Is it a Hogwarts party?

[00:28:21]>> Yeah, it's they they addressed Yeah.

[00:28:23]Will says, "Greetings, muggles."

[00:28:26]>> That's right. Is that the first film? Is that the first >> first scene in the second film?

[00:28:29]>> First scene in the second film.

[00:28:30]Greetings >> and Neil's >> with Daisy Ridley. Was she in that?

[00:28:36]>> Yeah, she was in it. Uh, and then they wanted to get her back for the re-shoots. She was too busy.

[00:28:41]>> She was doing Star Wars.

[00:28:42]>> Yeah.

[00:28:43]>> If there's one thing the Ineters excels in, it's briefly crossing paths with people who then become really massive.

[00:28:49]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:28:50]>> While we just stay around.

[00:28:52]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:28:53]>> Doing even more in between users.

[00:28:54]>> That's it.

[00:28:56]>> Oh, what you doing? Oh, even more of these. Got more.

[00:28:59]>> Got more of these. More of these coming up.

[00:29:00]>> More of these. Even more of these. My walks were man cap.

[00:29:03]>> Um, but that was the uh that was Bane versus Batman.

[00:29:06]>> The Dark Knight Rises.

[00:29:09]We can move into fact a fact fat check if you want.

[00:29:11]>> Uh or Joe's got his fact.

[00:29:14]>> Oh yeah, we've got actual fat to do.

[00:29:15]>> I know. So Joe, we do have to do our fact, don't we? What um I know everyone's guessing what today's.

[00:29:23]>> So as as I'm sure all of you are aware >> um today is and you're all you know shouting this at the radio. Stop going on about it. radio. It's how people >> It's how people listen to It's how people listen to the podcast in your head. The wireless they're all the families around the wireless. I >> I listen to I listen to podcasts in my car quite a lot and to me I just still think of it as the radio from I mean I know that's >> they're coming from the skies.

[00:29:55]>> I was I was talking to Harrison about George Orwell yesterday >> cuz he's he's been reading Animal Farm for school.

[00:30:02]>> Oh yeah. All right.

[00:30:03]>> And I've never read it.

[00:30:04]>> Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, "Oh, is it good? I've heard it's really good." And um cuz they've also >> It's an amazing book.

[00:30:10]>> Yeah. Um and he was like, "Yeah, it's dead interesting." And and then I was talking to him about War of the Worlds.

[00:30:16]>> Yeah. People thought it was real.

[00:30:18]>> Well, I don't I don't know. I might be this might be information that I've [ __ ] up that I've just passed on to my son as if it's it is real. But I thought it was like a 1950s radio show originally, but nobody understood it. It was like a news report or something.

[00:30:37]>> They put it I think they put it out as though it was a news report >> and some people were freaking out going, "Oh god, the aliens have finally come. I wish they would come.

[00:30:50]to to to quote you, either [ __ ] or get off the pot. Do you know what I mean?

[00:30:55]Lurking around in the clouds, >> hanging around army bases and stuff, >> freaking out pilots. Just [ __ ] either be either come or don't.

[00:31:04]>> Come or don't. Yeah, I agree. Do >> you know what I mean?

[00:31:08]>> Yeah.

[00:31:08]>> Little green wankers.

[00:31:10]>> Yeah.

[00:31:11]>> No, they they're >> unless they're big, in which case, >> welcome.

[00:31:17]Yeah, >> just trying to make sure I don't piss off the aliens.

[00:31:23]>> No, no, absolutely. Um, >> but yeah. No. What's our fact today, Joe?

[00:31:29]>> Right. Well, >> it's the uh it's an anniversary. Is that right?

[00:31:32]>> Yes. And as I mean I mean I feel a bit >> it feels a bit patronizing to even, you know, think that people might not know this, but it's obviously the anniversary of Dracula being published. So um >> uh so that was in 1897.

[00:31:51]So I is it just the to the day anniversary? It's not a particular year anniversary. It's just >> so it was cuz I was looking at the year I was like oh so it was Oh the >> it's the 129th anniversary >> of the publication of >> his name's Bram Stoker.

[00:32:07]>> Bram Stoker.

[00:32:08]>> Right.

[00:32:09]>> Yeah.

[00:32:09]>> Good.

[00:32:10]>> Irish.

[00:32:11]>> I've been calling him Bam Stroker.

[00:32:15]Like Bam Bam, what's the guy in Jackass?

[00:32:19]>> Bam Agera.

[00:32:19]>> Bam Margera.

[00:32:20]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:32:21]>> Bamstroker.

[00:32:22]>> Bamstroker.

[00:32:23]>> So Bamstroker brought out a band called Dracula. People loved it.

[00:32:26]>> Um so today our facts are inspired by the tale of Dracula >> and uh we have had a taste for vampires recently.

[00:32:36]>> Yes, we have. Yeah.

[00:32:37]>> With our >> They're silly vampires. They are.

[00:32:40]>> We did our uh >> did our little twilight So what's your uh what's your fact for us?

[00:32:47]>> Okay, so this is something that I found out. Now uh obviously the the book came out in 1897.

[00:32:55]>> Uh not not overwhelming success, successful enough. Bram Stoker was writing lots of different things. He was quite he wrote for the popular market, so he wrote kind of gothic stuff, >> right?

[00:33:08]>> Other Gothic stuff was going on at the same time.

[00:33:11]>> Is this the same time as like Frankenstein, >> including Yeah. Uh well, no.

[00:33:14]Frankenstein was I think earlier. I think that was that was earlier. Um >> this was actually an era when because there had been quite a lot of reform in Britain and there had been a lot more education, a lot more people could read.

[00:33:27]So I think there was a there was an 1870 act that that that made education much more widespread. So you had a much bigger reading public. So people were trying to write stuff that was a bit more kind of for a popular market >> bit more commercial. So, there was there was another book that I was looking at that was published around the same time that apparently did a little bit better even than Dracula. This book was called The Beetle and it was about uh a guy who went to Egypt and he was attacked by a a priestess to be fair.

[00:34:02]>> Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say a beetle.

[00:34:03]>> Not know Well, no, that's the thing. But then I don't know when but in the end >> like she was a bit of a beetle, >> right? She came back to England and she was causing >> she started a band.

[00:34:14]>> They had one drama initially.

[00:34:16]>> Yeah.

[00:34:17]>> Um but then they they were and then for the rest of his life he thought, "Oh, if only I could have been in that band." Um >> uh No, no, she so I think she was probably a scarab beetle, >> right?

[00:34:29]>> And she got up to all sorts. So that and apparently that the Beatle actually did a bit better than But anyway, so this is getting off track.

[00:34:36]Anyway, other things being published around the time, including the beetle. I just want to get that in because I think the beetle is a funny title for a book.

[00:34:42]>> Yeah.

[00:34:42]>> So, did okay, but then obviously really cut through with films. So, the first film version was made in 1921, but it's been lost.

[00:34:50]>> No one knows where it is.

[00:34:51]>> No one knows where it is. All they've got is like four posters. 1922, that's when you get the first famous one, Noseratu.

[00:35:00]Uh, and the director of that, uh, whose name I have for the moment forgotten.

[00:35:06]He died in uh the 1940s in America and his body was buried in Germany, >> right?

[00:35:17]>> And in 2015, his tomb was raided and they stole his skull.

[00:35:26]Oh, I say they I don't know. Presumably some some >> youths. Well, probably some German teenagers to be honest.

[00:35:33]Sounds like if I was putting money on it, I'd say German teenagers.

[00:35:36]>> Probably smoked a few dudes.

[00:35:37]>> Probably did. Yeah. Probably probably took it to a Berlin >> Yeah.

[00:35:41]>> basement techno club or something. Steal his skull.

[00:35:43]>> Look at this. It's a laugh. Is this a laugh? We can't tell.

[00:35:49]>> This is funny. Yeah, it's a skull.

[00:35:51]Alice Claw Justin um and they and in the um in the news report that I saw they'd said and this guy he was buried next to his two brothers but they were like and it was weird cuz they didn't disturb the brothers tombs. You're like it's not weird cuz the brothers didn't direct Dracula.

[00:36:13]>> Yeah.

[00:36:14]>> It's not weird at all.

[00:36:15]>> Yeah. You're not going to take those.

[00:36:16]>> So yeah it's like well that's weird isn't it?

[00:36:18]Why didn't they steal every skull? Busy.

[00:36:21]And also >> the brother of Neil Armstrong's skull was >> I know. Yeah, exactly. Um and they also found they've never found the skull.

[00:36:29]>> Never found a skull.

[00:36:30]>> They found candle wax in the tomb as well as though maybe some sort of ritual had been >> candles never mean candles are either really restful or really weird. So you find candle wax, you're like either it's just someone chilling out, >> you know, with a biscuit or it's like Satan worship.

[00:36:44]>> Yeah.

[00:36:45]>> Or both. There was a couple of candles in those scientists.

[00:36:48]>> Yeah.

[00:36:49]>> Um, is that your fact then? The skull was token.

[00:36:51]>> Yeah, that's um >> the director's name was Frederick Wilhelm. Mornau.

[00:36:56]>> Yes. F W. How do you spell it? M what?

[00:37:00]>> M U R A N A U.

[00:37:03]>> Yeah.

[00:37:04]>> Morn. And I'm sure that's the pronunciation, but don't know. Yeah.

[00:37:09]>> But so so he now uh does not have a skull.

[00:37:15]He's dead though, isn't he?

[00:37:17]>> He is dead. So maybe he's >> he's not wondering where it is or anything.

[00:37:20]>> Yeah, >> himself.

[00:37:22]>> Yeah. All right. But um but >> good fact.

[00:37:24]>> Yeah. What do you make of that? So they've ne not never never not yet found.

[00:37:28]>> And there's also a film missing as well.

[00:37:31]>> A lot of things going missing.

[00:37:32]>> There's a lot of spooky stuff going on around the Dracula films.

[00:37:36]>> Good fact, Joe.

[00:37:37]>> Um thank you.

[00:37:38]>> I think >> I think it's Yeah.

[00:37:42]>> I I thought we'd go for the same one. My one's worse. My my facts worse than yours.

[00:37:47]>> I mean, I think it's interesting as well that there's this there is this kind of I think the I think the suggestion is that like vampires like the word vampire first entered like English usage because there was this idea that it's funny. I read an article that said that a um a corpse had been they believed it was they thought it had come up from the ground and that it the article actually said >> yeah well the article said it had been implicated in some murders which I thought was funny use the word implicated like it might be a walking corpse but >> if it's not it's just a walking corpse don't worry about it but like as long as it hasn't murdered anyone that's that's fine. Uh but basic bodies can do weird things after death. They can they the hair the hair continues to grow. The nail a lot the when they found this body they found that the nails were still growing and >> well this is the thing.

[00:38:44]>> Yeah.

[00:38:45]>> I think that's a common misconception.

[00:38:46]>> Yeah.

[00:38:47]>> About the nails growing. I think what it is is your skin shrinks.

[00:38:50]>> Oh it's the receding of the >> Yeah.

[00:38:52]>> Okay.

[00:38:53]>> I've got conflicting cuz I used to love that fact when I was a kid. I was like yeah do you know your nails still grow even after you're dead. That's amazing.

[00:38:59]Um but why would they? If you're dead, >> you want to look good.

[00:39:03]>> You're not going to steal. You want to look good.

[00:39:05]>> It's not guessable, is it?

[00:39:07]>> Yeah. Um, should we do fact check, Joe?

[00:39:08]Should we move on to fact check?

[00:39:10]>> Yeah.

[00:39:10]>> Um, this is the part of the episode where we read a fact or question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of, and then we're going to have a good old think during the break and we'll come back and let you know how true it feels to us >> and to decide whether it passes our fact check. Uh, Joe, I think you've got this week's fact check.

[00:39:26]>> Yes. So, I have got this week's fact check which comes from Doug and he sent in a message via the fat up form.

[00:39:36]>> This form.

[00:39:38]>> Love it.

[00:39:39]>> Love the use of the form.

[00:39:41]>> Doug asks, "Can a swan really break a man's leg?"

[00:39:45]>> He's put four question marks there.

[00:39:47]>> He's Well, >> he really wants to know this.

[00:39:50]>> I've done some research myself.

[00:39:53]I can't imagine what that involved, but I'm yet to find any concrete evidence of a swan's leg breaking capability.

[00:39:58]Obviously, you obviously if you were up a ladder and was spooked by a swan and fell off, you could break a leg, but I don't think that counts. I do I do agree with that. Yeah. Same as if the swan sort of took out a hit on you. Well, also if you're if you know if the swan if you've asked the swan to hold the ladder at the bottom and it just wanders off and >> the ladder slips and you break your leg, >> I'd blame that on the swan.

[00:40:23]>> Okay. So So that can be the swan's fault.

[00:40:26]>> Um >> well, we're going to get on the case and we'll be back with a fact stat.

[00:40:30]>> Yes.

[00:40:31]>> James, >> uh right, welcome back to Joe and James Factor.

[00:40:38]>> Hi. Uh, we were just factecking on the behalf of Doug who wanted to know, can a swan really break someone's leg? He says, "Can it break a man's leg?" But I've heard I've not heard legs. I've heard arms.

[00:40:53]>> I think I think Yeah, I think I've heard I've heard arms as well.

[00:40:57]>> Um, I think maybe he's put leg in cuz he's he's got a little bit >> in mind of this ladder thing.

[00:41:03]>> Yeah, >> he seems to be >> You can still break your arm on a ladder. Um, but I've heard the same thing.

[00:41:09]>> Good point.

[00:41:09]>> But I've um but I've heard arm. I've heard a swan.

[00:41:12]>> I've heard arm as well.

[00:41:12]>> And I've said it to my kids. Like if we've gone to a duck pond or something, I've gone, "Oh, careful."

[00:41:17]>> Yeah.

[00:41:18]>> Careful with the swan.

[00:41:19]>> They're very They're very angry.

[00:41:22]Especially if they've got >> a nest or young around.

[00:41:25]>> Well, I think that's definitely if there are youngsters, >> they do charge. I feel like I've got a vague memory of being charged by a swan myself.

[00:41:32]>> They put their wings out and they run after you. My dad when he was a young man he was uh spending some time in Swisilland with the Peace Corps and he said that they used geese to act as like guard dogs, >> right?

[00:41:47]>> Geese are apparently they're quite right >> they bit handy geese.

[00:41:50]>> Where was he?

[00:41:51]>> Swasilland.

[00:41:52]>> Swasilland.

[00:41:53]>> Swasilland. I don't I said I think it might not be >> Swansiland.

[00:41:56]>> Swansiland. Yeah.

[00:41:58]>> Yeah. And I was like what?

[00:41:59]>> Swansiland is um if you're if you're in Cardiff but you want a little taste of Swansea. Yeah, >> get yourself down to Swansiland and it's got like, >> you know, it's got the the really big Debenhams, you know, don't know what happened in Swansea. Just thought they might be debonums.

[00:42:14]>> Um, it's got Yeah. Uh, Swansy Bowl.

[00:42:19]Swansy bowl. Yeah, >> it's got the Swansea lot there.

[00:42:21]>> Swans Swansy lot there. Yeah. Statues of some of the some of the >> They're all little slugs though, aren't they?

[00:42:27]>> You sw little slugs.

[00:42:28]>> They're all little slugs with no personalities.

[00:42:30]>> Just a you are.

[00:42:31]>> Yeah. and he got aggressive from um but yeah and apparently yeah so yes they are um geese geese can be aggressive swans are this curious thing I mean we're they're massive swans they're [ __ ] big they're massive and they sort of they they play quite a prominent role I think in film and television culture I feel like there's the hot fuzz thing that's got a swan in it hasn't it taboo it's one of the final taboss isn't to kill a swan >> or marry one >> or marry one.

[00:43:04]>> Not allowed to marry one.

[00:43:05]>> Yeah, you're not allowed to marry a swan.

[00:43:07]>> You have to go over to Greta Green and then you can marry a swan, right?

[00:43:11]>> Or a goose. I think a goose can't marry a swan, but I don't know.

[00:43:15]>> Um but um I think the queen the queen can.

[00:43:18]>> This is a fever dream. Like this episode. It's really bizarre.

[00:43:22]>> Yeah. Um the Yeah, the swan. Yeah, I've heard I mean I have heard this the the idea about them being like royal royal property. I >> Yeah, they're owned by the >> the king. Now, >> do they have swan for Christmas dinner?

[00:43:40]Cuz they're the only people that are allowed to have a swan.

[00:43:43]>> I imagine it's not very nice.

[00:43:45]>> I don't know if I've dreamt that up.

[00:43:48]>> In Operation Good Guys, which is another sitcom of the same vintage, >> but yeah, you know, the office had a lot to >> The Office actually did owe quite a lot to Operation Guys. Um the they have a visit by a member of the royal family.

[00:44:01]It might be the queen, >> right?

[00:44:03]>> And um they serve a a dish that they call stuff with a turkey sworn in a basket and she says that's absolutely revoling.

[00:44:15]So, I mean, if that's to be believed, they then the queen does not um does not eat the >> Well, yeah. You keep saying the queen >> the king. Sorry. And she is she's been dead for a while. It's >> difficult to keep up, isn't it?

[00:44:29]>> It is hard to keep up with these these monarchs. They come and go >> keeping up with the Windsores.

[00:44:32]>> Oh, the Pope now. Oh, I don't know. What I would like to talk about is the fact that it is a fact as far as I'm concerned that a swan can break someone's arm for definite. And if it's not a fact, I I'm honestly going to be so disillusioned. I don't know what to I don't know.

[00:44:51]>> Why do you So what would the swan the swan has a wing?

[00:44:56]>> It's got a wing. It's got a beak. Got that long neck. And and I appreciate it's got a lot of stuff, but a lot of that seems like a liability rather than like like >> Yes, it's got a long neck to me. That's I mean, the giraffe's got a long neck, but we don't hear them breaking people's >> I don't know, man. They do. Have you seen giraffes fight?

[00:45:15]>> Have you seen giraffes have a scrap?

[00:45:16]They kick each other. They also smack their necks onto each other's neck.

[00:45:20]>> I actually have seen it.

[00:45:22]>> It's really violent.

[00:45:25]>> I think swans.

[00:45:27]Do you know the giraffe, right? because of the way that the giraffe has evolved to have this mental neck.

[00:45:34]>> There is a there is some sort of um >> I think it's a a vein or something that pumps the blood or something like that, right?

[00:45:43]>> That >> Oh, the pressure >> in all mammals, right?

[00:45:47]>> It it does it's sort of vestigual. Is that the word? It's something left over that doesn't really need to be there anymore.

[00:45:54]>> But in us or whatever in all mammals, it sort of travels up. but doesn't go anywhere but then goes down to our foot or something like that. There's some sort of um very bizarre >> right >> uh badly >> like or one of these things you don't really need. Yeah.

[00:46:08]>> Um but it it at one point when we were sort of a little thing that it made sense but now we've evolved >> and the giraffe still has this thing.

[00:46:16]>> It goes right up its [ __ ] neck all the way back down again >> where whereas it just needs to go like from here to here.

[00:46:23]>> I can't remember exactly where it was. I remember watching it on um Inside Nature's Giants.

[00:46:28]>> Oh wow. Okay.

[00:46:29]>> Which I'd love them to bring that back again. That was great. Inside Nature's Giants. I used to love that.

[00:46:35]>> Um >> so the I shouldn't have brought up drugs actually. They do seem quite No, I mean not because of that. That was good. But like I but they actually do seem like maybe they're quite tough. I think more you know what it is with I think we've never really seen them do anything. So we're like what can they [ __ ] do?

[00:46:51]They're an enigmatic animal, right? We all We all have seen their feet, >> do you think?

[00:46:56]>> And and it it doesn't all fit together.

[00:46:58]We're like, "Wait a minute. There's this beautiful thing on top like a bride."

[00:47:02]Yeah.

[00:47:02]>> What's that underneath? Couple of [ __ ] dinosaur feet.

[00:47:05]>> Yeah.

[00:47:05]>> And so that's weird. And so we think, what else are they hiding?

[00:47:08]>> Do you think they've just got really good PR?

[00:47:11]>> I think they I honestly they're a bit I think they're a bit like the Soviet Union during the Cold War where we're like we're fright's like don't let them know we actually haven't [ __ ] got anything. We can't break anyone's arm.

[00:47:19]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:47:20]>> I think it's more like that. I think it's they got good PR there and also less convince everyone we've got Banksy PR like do you know what I mean? It's like you don't know anything like like the less we know about this person or Swan. Well, I mean I maybe maybe Banks is a Swan.

[00:47:36]>> Do you know what I mean? That could be that could be true as well.

[00:47:38]>> I think they found out who Banksy was.

[00:47:41]>> Yeah, they have um I saw a I saw a picture of who he actually is. So I mean I so you the thing about I I think it's that they are they appear they're enigmatic they are and this association with the royal family and what is it the queen used to say you must not let in light upon magic or something like you don't ever which I agree with actually that was behind the curtain sort of thing that was a correct policy with the queen >> she's a wise woman >> cuz you cuz actually cuz actually cuz it's completely unjustified was she tapping her nose at the same time.

[00:48:16]>> Yeah. She was like, "Um, >> hey."

[00:48:18]>> Oh, no.

[00:48:19]>> Don't uh >> Oh, no.

[00:48:20]>> You know, ask no questions.

[00:48:22]>> Yeah. I'll tell you no lies. How many palaces have I got? Oh, I can't remember.

[00:48:26]>> Oh, um, >> you got to ask yourself, oh, you got to take this job. No. Um, >> yeah. But, um, but no, so I think I think it kind of they they have this air of mystery. They have this they they appear to be in line to the throne or something. I don't know. They they've got this they're associated with the royal family. And I think that because of that, we think, my god, what what could they do? Um, and we've never I mean, I know that um Doug says he's done some research.

[00:48:55]>> Do you think I >> cuz they're protected?

[00:48:58]>> I'm worried that he's, you know, taking it upon himself to go out probably at night to reservoirs.

[00:49:05]>> Well, be careful because because they are protected by the >> So, don't get over your head, Doug. I'd say >> do you think they're a bit more confident than one they should be? Yeah.

[00:49:13]>> So that's why they like rush out of you and stuff if you get too close to the bank. They're like, "Yeah, you want to [ __ ] Well, it's >> Yeah.

[00:49:20]>> Do you know who our mates with?

[00:49:22]>> Yeah.

[00:49:23]>> Only the [ __ ] king."

[00:49:24]>> Yeah.

[00:49:24]>> So if you want to start something, let's go.

[00:49:27]>> They're over Yeah. They They think they're untouchable.

[00:49:30]>> Yeah.

[00:49:31]>> They think their power and their connections will protect them.

[00:49:35]>> But I do think they can break your arm.

[00:49:37]>> But you still think they can break your arm?

[00:49:38]>> They're big and strong.

[00:49:41]They are strong. Should we throw it over? Oh, what do you >> To be honest, I'm saying Well, first of all, Doug says leg.

[00:49:47]>> That seems >> I don't think they could break a leg.

[00:49:49]>> They can't break a leg.

[00:49:50]>> Couldn't break a leg.

[00:49:50]>> Can they break an arm? Well, what part of the arm? I mean, how like maybe this bit?

[00:49:54]>> They'd snap your arm, I think. Yeah, >> maybe this bit. Not that bit.

[00:49:58]>> Your elbow.

[00:49:59]>> The elbow. Just snap it right off.

[00:50:02]>> I think it I feel like it's a thing that is said to stop people from going up to swans and giving them a hard time. I mean, they they do look like >> I'm starting to think that too now. They do look like they're sort of they some creatures look like they are pretty bog standard >> whereas the swan looks like it's a little bit of a cut above.

[00:50:23]>> It's got those little bit special got those angel wings.

[00:50:26]>> Yeah, >> the long sineuous neck.

[00:50:28]>> They are pretty, aren't they?

[00:50:29]>> They are pretty. Um the the color scheme is pretty good. Black and white and just the orange. The feet are weird.

[00:50:37]>> The ugly the ugly duckling >> a swan in the end. It was a swan in the end. Everyone was going, "Oh, you're ugly, mate." Still don't really know uh what the moral of that story is, the ugly duckling. It mean >> because you tell you you tell that story to ugly kids >> cuz you're like, "Oh, the kid the other kids in my school would take the piss out of me cuz I'm ugly." And you go, "Well, let me tell you about the ugly duckling. He grew up to be a swamp and he was better looking than everyone."

[00:51:00]>> Yeah.

[00:51:00]>> And >> it doesn't work with ugliness. It needs to work. It needs to work with the ugliness has to be an analogy for something where it would so for example >> but the the the ugly duckling is literal >> is a different species.

[00:51:15]>> Yeah. But the ugly duckling is like literal. It's like oh don't you worry cuz you'll probably grow up don't worry about being ugly now cuz you'll probably grow up to be really beautiful.

[00:51:23]>> Yeah.

[00:51:24]>> Look at me.

[00:51:27]>> I didn't get my swan moment. Well, this is cuz it's two different species.

[00:51:31]>> When I was an ugly little So, when you're at school, you've got to be like, I really hope I am actually just a really attractive orangutan.

[00:51:38]>> Yeah, >> I'm just the best looking >> bear ever.

[00:51:43]>> Stick Yeah, stick me in the zoo. Yeah, >> I'll have me pick of all the females.

[00:51:47]>> Anyway, anyway, >> what we So, >> I'm going to leave this up to you, Joe, actually, because I'm I've I'm now on the fence. I don't think. Okay. So, to be honest, Doug says, "Can it break a man's leg?"

[00:51:59]>> Sure.

[00:52:00]>> And other than these the scenarios that he's kind of illustrated.

[00:52:06]>> Yeah. If it was if you if it was if it spooked you on a on a ladder, if it was driving a taxi, >> Yeah. If it was driving a taxi, I'm sure it would if it was it would struggle and it'd probably do you some damage.

[00:52:18]>> Yeah. Um, if >> if it was performing an operation, >> if there was a a grand piano teetering on the edge of a cliff and you thought, I hope nothing touches that, and then a swan goes, oh, >> if there was a squadron of armed swans.

[00:52:31]>> Yeah.

[00:52:32]>> Um, >> if they were just >> But I'll leave it up to you, Joe. You You go.

[00:52:35]>> I don't think I think it's fact. Um, >> what do we say?

[00:52:39]>> Fact off.

[00:52:40]>> I think it's fact off.

[00:52:41]>> I think I think it's fact off. I They can't break your leg.

[00:52:43]>> All right. Should we throw it?

[00:52:45]>> And I don't I don't really believe they can break your arm. I think it's quite apt that we that we um do we throw it over to Queen May?

[00:52:52]>> Queen Lily May.

[00:52:53]>> They're your creature.

[00:52:54]>> Yeah, I don't like them to be fair.

[00:52:56]>> I don't like him much.

[00:52:57]>> Got him. Now, so from my research and I will say there doesn't seem to be a lot of medical research. However, from my research, it seems to indicate that they're not strong enough to break a fully grown adults arms or legs.

[00:53:11]However, if you are have particularly brittle bones or you were a child, you might be more at risk. But the risk seems more from the fact that they push you over and make you fall rather than the wings are snapping your arms.

[00:53:24]>> Right.

[00:53:25]>> Well, well, there you go. And what are these swans doing? Attacking poor little brittle children.

[00:53:30]>> Yeah. Do >> you know what I mean? So, basically what's happening? Pick on someone your own size. Stop going after our old and our, you know, >> flaky kids or whatever whoever it was.

[00:53:39]powdery boned infants. Oh no, it was the old old people are old, wasn't it?

[00:53:43]>> Old people >> old people are old >> and they are old people are old people always. And so yeah, I would So yeah, I I think I think I was right.

[00:53:58]>> I think I was right.

[00:53:59]>> If we were talking about adults, absolutely.

[00:54:01]>> Yeah. I mean, children, >> let's leave them out of it, right? Let's please. I'm collecting majority.

[00:54:07]>> Yeah. Come on.

[00:54:09]Um, right. That's that then.

[00:54:11]>> So, that's that. So, so Doug, um, Doug, don't but don't do any more research.

[00:54:16]>> Yeah, I think I think we've helped you out there, D.

[00:54:19]>> I think you need to move on to the >> Oh, Christ. I've got to do my facts.

[00:54:23]>> Yeah, let's do your we we're also we we are running quite long here. So, let's let's um >> the giraffe's neck. Am I right?

[00:54:32]>> Absolutely.

[00:54:32]>> Yeah, absolutely.

[00:54:33]>> Oh, nearly May, can you quickly look up that thing that goes up the giraffe's neck and comes back down again? just so I know what it is. Um, if you'd like us to fact check something, head to our episodes description for all the ways that you can get in touch and there's a multip, there's the socials, there's this special form.

[00:54:49]>> My far my favorite by far is the form. I >> love that. I love that we've got a form.

[00:54:54]>> It's great.

[00:54:55]>> Can you just fill out fill in this form, please?

[00:54:58]>> Red tape. I'm very pro red tape or more red tape.

[00:55:01]>> Have you managed to get anything there, Lily May?

[00:55:03]>> I'm trying to find out what it is. some sort of vein or some sort of >> it's an so for absolutely no reason it goes all the way up and just back down again.

[00:55:14]>> That's good. But I like it's like a sort of um like an old branch line that they've never bothered to close down.

[00:55:21]>> Yeah.

[00:55:21]>> And I'm all for that because that was when they shut down them branch lines, >> we lost part of our the fabric of our >> Yeah. Didn't we?

[00:55:30]>> Well, um shall I move on to my fact while you're looking at >> Yeah. Let me let me look away. So, facts about Dracula. My fact. So, I've gone I've taken retro to its logical conclusion.

[00:55:41]>> Yes, >> I've gone to the original Dracula.

[00:55:44]>> Oh, I know who this is.

[00:55:45]>> The Which is which is what I thought you'd go for as well. The son of dragon.

[00:55:50]>> Yes. This is Vlad.

[00:55:52]>> Vlad the Impala.

[00:55:53]>> Vlad the Impala.

[00:55:54]>> Who ruled uh Wakia?

[00:55:57]>> Yeah. I'm not been quite sure how you pronounced that. um >> Wachia >> modern day Romania in the 15th century.

[00:56:04]He did a good job of keeping what was it the Ottomans or something at bay.

[00:56:07]>> Yeah. I think he'd been captured by the Ottomans when he was a small boy.

[00:56:10]>> Yeah. They brought him up and stuff.

[00:56:12]>> Yeah. He seems like he was had quite a traumatic youth. Lots of brothers and cousins being killed.

[00:56:20]>> Yeah.

[00:56:21]>> Andor trying to kill him.

[00:56:22]>> But his dad um his dad kept [ __ ] him over sort of or something. He kept like attacking the Ottomans. So the Ottomans were like, "Right, we're going to take I think they took him and his brother."

[00:56:36]>> Yeah.

[00:56:37]>> And they were like, "Oh, we're going to take you with Right. We're keeping your kids now. All right. We got your I've got your kids."

[00:56:42]>> Yeah.

[00:56:43]>> Got your kids, Dan. Right.

[00:56:44]>> Yeah.

[00:56:45]>> And uh so do you want to stop attacking us >> because otherwise we're going to do something to your kids? Anyway, I think he still carried on.

[00:56:54]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:56:54]>> Like his dad didn't give a [ __ ] very much the um the Homer Simpson where the guy's trying to sell Homer a burglar alarm and it's getting a bit expensive and the guy says um but surely you can't put a price on your children's safety and Homer says well I wouldn't have thought so so either but here we are >> here we are yeah I wouldn't have thought so either but here we are um >> he carried on well you know commit to it right I mean you can't you can't stop just because >> he was ruling for a bit and then he didn't for a bit >> they were constantly I think what this part of of Europe was a sort of very important part because it was like a buffer between the rest of Europe and the Ottomans. I think I might be really mangling.

[00:57:32]>> I mean, >> this isn't my Yeah, >> this is just sort of the nonsense that I think >> if you're if you're in between two two big powers. You never have a good time.

[00:57:43]>> Yeah, >> you never have You don't want to be stuck between like Germany and Russia.

[00:57:47]>> But he didn't take any [ __ ] >> That's always a nightmare.

[00:57:49]>> Yeah, he didn't take any [ __ ] >> Doesn't sound like he did.

[00:57:51]>> He didn't take any [ __ ] at all whatsoever. And in a in in his sometimes seen as a national hero in Romania for defending his land against the Ottoman Empire. Yeah. If I just read a bit more of my own fact, >> um he uh but his most infamous punishment >> Yeah.

[00:58:08]>> was impalement >> where victims were placed on a long wooden stake.

[00:58:13]Loads of spikes would line them up.

[00:58:16]would if he was trying to he would bring them like with them to battles and stuff and and line them up if he was like besieging a a city or something. He like, "Listen, do you want to >> knock this on the head now?"

[00:58:28]>> Does that look cool?

[00:58:29]>> Yeah.

[00:58:30]>> Yeah.

[00:58:30]>> Do I >> Does he Does he look cool?

[00:58:33]>> Does he really look cool?

[00:58:34]>> Does he look cool?

[00:58:35]>> Um but he uh Yeah, he would impale a load of people. Um, one story claims an invading army turned back after seeing a forest of the impaled.

[00:58:46]>> Bloody hell.

[00:58:47]>> Um, >> well, in a way, what he was saying is, I'm not going to throw good money after bad. I mean, I've I've I've already killed this number of people, >> but >> I'm not going to kill anymore cuz you've turned >> Well, I'm going to ask you, Joe, >> as violent and horrific as that is, uh, do the ends justify the means? because as his punishments were so harsh as a ruler, um it was, you know, to try and reduce crime and corruption and stuff.

[00:59:14]Um it was reported that theft nearly disappeared during his rule.

[00:59:18]>> Wow.

[00:59:19]>> People just didn't bother anymore. Like, [ __ ] that.

[00:59:21]>> Yeah. I mean, you you probably you probably would stop if if that was if that was the punishment.

[00:59:28]>> But I mean, what's that place where like there's no chewing gum on the streets because you get imprisoned if you put I think it might be Singapore. Is that right?

[00:59:35]>> And everyone's like, "There's no chewing gum on the tree stone." You're like, "Yeah, but it is a problem." Really worth it.

[00:59:42]>> Oh, it is, man. It's a real big problem.

[00:59:44]>> Yeah, but >> is it latex or something chewing gum's made out of? You can't get that stuff off the the ground. I don't know who's throwing it on the ground anyway.

[00:59:51]>> If you were a mom and your son was imprisoned for putting chewing gum on the floor, you might think that's a bit of a bigger problem.

[00:59:58]>> I'd go, well, if I was if it was my kid, I'd go, "Don't put any chewing gum on the floor cuz you know what they get?

[01:00:03]You know what happens if you do?" Yeah, but then kids, >> it's a simple thing not to do. I get I can I I'd probably >> listen, I hate littering. I genuinely I I cannot bear it. So selfish. But if I was put in charge, that's the kind of thing that I would go after. I'd make that like top of the thing. Apart from all the important stuff, I'd go like tell you what really [ __ ] winds me up. Chewing gum on the pavement.

[01:00:25]>> Well, I suppose you maybe it's low hanging fruit and I feel like it's something you'd be able to tackle quite easily.

[01:00:31]>> It'll be a small thing. Can you just change the recipe of chewing gum so it's not, >> you know, bring in Wonka, do the special one that tastes like a roast dinner or something. Yeah, that's while you're at it. If you're if you're if you're going to do it, like do that.

[01:00:45]>> But by the way, the reason why I was talking about Vlad the Inval then is because he was the original Dracula, >> uh, which does translate to son of dragon. His father Vlad I >> was Draul.

[01:00:57]>> He was dragon Dracula. Um, >> uh, me went son of the dragon. Um, but that's what um, Bamstroker uh, based the character on, I believe.

[01:01:10]>> And it's good that actually found time to write a book in between doing, you know, going down hills in shopping trolley and giving himself paper cuts on purpose. And it's just >> But I do think I I always think that um, a good fact ends with I believe.

[01:01:25]>> I believe. Yeah.

[01:01:27]>> Yeah. Uh, anyway, I think so. Anyway, >> yeah, >> I o >> Joe, I think we I think we should um I think we should I think we should fact rap.

[01:01:37]>> Yeah, let's fact rap.

[01:01:38]>> Uh I'm all fact out. What have we learned today? We learned that the bloke that directed one of the first Dracula films, his skull got nicked.

[01:01:44]>> Yep.

[01:01:45]>> Um we learned that Dracula was based on >> Vlad found as well. So again, if you >> could >> you did it or you know, give it back.

[01:01:52]and that um and that swans can't break your arm unless you're really uh old or young or brittle.

[01:01:58]>> And and if and if they do, shame on them.

[01:02:00]>> Yeah. Um we'll be back next week armed with more fact chats and vamp vampiric bats. And don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or whatever nonsense you'd like to tell us about by emailing us hello@joe andjamepod.com.

[01:02:16]Our WhatsApp is 0782234330.

[01:02:20]You can follow us on social media. to the sound. Somebody leave.

[01:02:24]>> Well, saying wait till we >> No, we're coming.

[01:02:28]We're coming to the end now. We're coming to the end now. So, >> might as well leave the studio.

[01:02:33]>> Oh, our social media is at Joe and James and you can head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. That was a podcast. We'll see you next week. Goodbye.

[01:02:42]>> Bye. If you haven't already left, bye to those that are still here. Goodbye.

[01:02:49]>> James up.