Social Media Has Tricked Us Into Bringing Out The Worst In Us

Ajouté : 2026-05-27

[00:00:00]It's only been in recent years that I've truly learned to embrace a life of greater solitude. And honestly, it's amazing. It feels like a superpower because in a world full of noise, distraction, and constant validation seeking, the ability to be completely at peace in your own company has become incredibly rare and massively underestimated. In this video, I want to talk about solitude and how it's changed my life, but also to hopefully inspire some of you to embrace the power it can bring into your life. But also, I want to talk about what solitude is and what it isn't. It's separation from tribalism, from the constant noise, and from the growing obsession people have with seeking attention and validation.

[00:00:49]Because for me, solitude has never meant being about loneliness. It's not about being isolated or unsociable. It's being able to exist peacefully in me own company with me two dogs, of course, being comfortable in me own skin without becoming anxious, restless or emotionally dependent on distractions.

[00:01:12]And I think that changes a person. It certainly changed me. Allow me to explain.

[00:01:27]Oh, what a beautiful day. Look, for context, I'm not suggesting how you should live your life, and I'm certainly not pretending to be some kind of paragon of virtue on the subject. My life has contradictions just like everybody else's, just like yours. I don't live in a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere, disconnected from society, from Wi-Fi and the rest of humanity. Although this is an extreme version of solitude for some. I live in a town and although I live alone with me dogs now, I do have friends. I enjoy socializing and I still engage with the modern world like everybody else. But over time, I've deliberately tried to bring a different type of solitude into me life wherever I realistically can.

[00:02:17]And honestly, I think it's been one of the probably healthiest decisions I've ever made. Not because solitude makes life perfect, but because it creates mental space. space to think clearly, space to reflect, space to detach from the noise, the pressure, and the constant need for stimulation. And I think that's becoming increasingly important, especially now in this fast and frenzied world we now live in. And by talking about it openly, maybe we can help each other avoid some of the modern traps that quietly drain people psychologically.

[00:02:57]So what exactly is my solitude?

[00:03:02]I think my path towards solitude probably began a few years ago without consciously realizing I was heading in that general direction. After struggling with deteriorating mental health throughout me 40s and eventually experienced a a breakdown around the age of 52 53 I realized something in me life wasn't quite right. Then at 54 I was diagnosed as autistic. That became the major turning point in me life because for the first time I could clearly see how much of me life had been shaped by trying to fit in seeking acceptance. validation, seeking relationships and trying to meet the expectations of other people. Quietly over the decades, it had been making me ill. And once I understood that, I wanted to fix the problem almost mechanically, like diagnosing a technical fault and tracing the root cause instead of just treating the symptoms. So, I set the autistic mind the task of figuring it out. Now, obviously, you don't need to be autistic for any of this to resonate with you. In many ways, autism probably just magnified problems that already existed more broadly in modern society. The pressure to conform, the pressure to perform, the pressure to constantly seek approval from other people. I just experience those pressures more intensely than others.

[00:04:35]And without wanting to drag you through the weeds and every detail of me mental health struggles in this video or how I overcame them, one thing became a very clear to me during that whole process.

[00:04:48]Solitude wasn't the problem. In many ways, it became the one thing that helped to save us. And in no particular order, I started making changes. Some of them small, some much bigger. I gradually remove myself from social media platforms because I no longer wanted to constantly exist in public.

[00:05:10]Neither will you find us on any dating sites. I don't have this constant need to be in a relationship. I just wanted to be anonymous. And even now, although I do have a Facebook account, I don't really use it in the way most people do.

[00:05:26]I have no friends on it. I don't post vyoristic details about me life. I don't document everything I'm doing and I don't feel the need to constantly present myself to other people online, most of whom I don't even know. I mostly use it just to keep an eye on subjects I'm really interested in, nothing more.

[00:05:47]I also slowly began removing people from me life who had consistently negative effects on me life. Not out of bitterness, just quietly creating distance from people who are emotionally draining, toxic, manipulative, or just exhausting to be around. I think a lot of people underestimate how psychologically damaging constant exposure to negative energy can become over time. I also started saying no to social situations I didn't actually want to be a part of. Not because I dislike people, but because I realized how much of me life had been spent doing things out of obligation rather than genuine desire uh desire, trying to fit in, trying to avoid disappointing people, trying to meet social expectations. And eventually that becomes mentally exhausting. So I stopped trying to explain myself so much. I stopped feeling the need to justify how I live.

[00:06:50]And slowly over time, I started living more of the me life on me own terms.

[00:06:56]Now, interestingly, most people would probably still describe me as friendly and sociable, and I am. When I'm out, I can socialize perfectly well. In fact, if I don't mind saying, I'm good crack.

[00:07:10]But the difference now is that I socialize because I want to, not because I'm afraid of being alone. And more often than not, I genuinely enjoy just being in me own company. I like spending time at the beach with Lily and Setu or sitting quietly in a cafe or at a pub, hearing the ambient noise and conversations around us almost kind of tricking me mind into feeling that I'm socially connected while still remaining completely at peace in solitude because there I think there's a difference between being with people and simply being amongst them. Now, obviously, some of you might look at all of this and point out that there appears to be a bit of a contradiction because here I am talking about solitude, privacy, and stepping away from validation whilst also running two YouTube channels online. And on the surface, I understand why that might seem hypocritical, but for me, there's a very important distinction between expression and seeking validation. I don't make videos because I need strangers to approve of me. And I don't share me life online because I'm emotionally dependent on attention. In fact, if you look at me content closely, I actually reveal very little about me private life. You don't see endless updates about where I am, what I'm eating, who I'm with, or intimate details of me, personal relationships because I still value privacy enormously. What I'm really doing on YouTube is sharing ideas, observations, experiences, thoughts. And I think there's a big difference between creating something meaningful and constantly performing your existence for validation.

[00:09:03]One comes from expression, the other often comes from emotional dependency.

[00:09:10]And I think you can usually tell the difference. Validation seeking tends to feel compulsive. There's a constant need to be acknowledged, reacted to. Whereas for me, YouTube has become more like an outlet for reflection and creativity, not to mention a bit of a side hustle and a business. It's placed to articulate me thoughts that might resonate with other people navigating similar things in life. So although I spend time online creating videos, I still think very carefully about what parts of myself remain private because I believe solitude and privacy still have enormous value. And I think it's possible to contribute something publicly without surrendering your entire identity to the crowd.

[00:10:02]Today I live alone with me two dogs, Lily and Setu. And honestly, I absolutely love it. I've gradually built a life that feels balanced for me, a life shaped around the principles of solitude while still allowing space for healthy social connections when I genuinely want or need it. And honestly, I don't think I've ever been more at peace. My life is now fairly minimalist.

[00:10:29]Not just in terms of possessions, but also in terms of who I allow access to, me time, me energy, and me mind. And for me, that's been incredibly important.

[00:10:41]I've also managed to completely overcome mental health struggles that nearly broke me a few years ago. And although I'll always be autistic, I now understand myself far better than I once did. Which means I can usually recognize and sidestep situations that will unnecessarily overwhelm me, drain me, or expose traits that become difficult to manage under pressure. And I think that self-awareness has changed my life enormously. Ultimately, I think that's what solitude has given me. clarity, space, perspective, the ability to step back from noise, pressure, and expectation long enough to understand who I actually was underneath all of it.

[00:11:29]And it's my hope that some of you watching this might begin doing the same in your own lives. Not by isolating yourselves from the world, but by learning how to detach from the constant tribalism, constant comparison, and the endless need for validation from other people. Because once you become comfortable in your own company, something fundamentally changes. You stop performing. You stop chasing approval. And you begin living far more honestly with yourself. it becomes addictive. I think that's one of the most freeing feelings a person can ever experience. Well, in my opinion anyway.

[00:12:15]Thanks for watching.