My Ectopic Pregnancy Almost Killed Me

Added: 2026-05-23

[00:00:00]I'm hit with so much pain that I just crumpled to the floor. So, my cheek is on our twostar hotel motel bathroom floor. Oh my goodness. Are you okay? And everyone walks out and I said, I thought I thought they were going to see a baby.

[00:00:16]This [snorts] is bad enough that I would recommend you get an ambulance over here and go to the hospital immediately. And I'm still to this day so thankful that it happened to me and that my baby did not have a heartbeat. He gave this to me and not the people in my life that I love. This story starts out with my husband being let go of his job and us being left with one of two options. We could either move and find a better job in a different city or a different state and move away from all the friends and community that we've made, including my sister who just got married a few months ago and lives 15 minutes away. or stay and make it work. Of course, we decided to stay and make it work. I'm mostly a full-time stay-at-home mom to my three kids, ages 7, five, and two, but I work part-time on social media, if you can even call it that. I just pick up brand deals here and there. And we decided, you know what? We're going to make it work. It was unexpected with him losing his job. But we decided, you know what?

[00:01:11]We know how to cut back on the budget.

[00:01:12]We know how to make it work. I was going to look for extra jobs. I was thinking about pursuing Tik Tok shop. Whatever it took, we decided whatever it took, we wanted to stay close to my sister and her husband and we wanted to stay close to the friends and family that we've made out here. Fast forward just a couple weeks later and I took a pregnancy test because I was feeling extremely nauseous. My period was 1 day late and I know what that means. And sure enough, I was pregnant, which was very shocking to us because we were done. And I know people are going to say, "Well, that's what you get for not using protection. And that's what you blah blah blah. We were okay. We were using protection. We were using we multiple forms of birth control. I'm one of those people who gets pregnant very very easily. It has happened to us many times before. Now, I have had multiple miscarriages in the past, but right from the beginning when I found out I was pregnant, I told my husband, I know this one is going to stick because we weren't trying. I hate to use the phrase unwanted, but in our position, it was unwanted to some extent, but we are always open to life. We're always open to adding another child to our family.

[00:02:24]We love our kids. We love having our family. So, it was in a sense an unwanted slash unplanned pregnancy, but it was really just the circumstances we were in that was making us feel very nervous. We never wanted to end our baby's life. Obviously, it was a really hard situation. I was crying a lot. And something that will clear up any confusion here. Um, I don't not want my child. I never didn't want my baby, but I have extreme morning sickness, hypermesis, gravidarum, and I had it the worst with my last child, with my third baby. And it was to the point I I mean, I won't even get into it because it could be an entire video talking about how sick I was. It was lifealtering for my children and I was concerned about how I was going to take care of my kids on top of being pregnant. Getting that positive pregnancy test was a huge shock. I was, you know, devastated. I was also thinking about what were we going to do financially. Um, again, when I get pregnant, I'm so sick. I'm literally bedridden for 9 months. So, I'm now realizing not only does my husband not have a job, I definitely will not be working or bringing in any income cuz I'm going to be extremely sick and we're going to have just, you know, all these things, all these thoughts. But at the same time, I was really trying to be positive. My husband was trying to be positive. I told my friends pretty quickly that I was pregnant. And I kept testing, too. I was testing every day. I was looking for any any sign that something was off cuz I have had miscarriages in the past. So, this was my sixth pregnancy, but I had three healthy, happy children and two miscarriages in my past. I did have a really amazing home birth with my last son. It's on YouTube, so you can find it. I had a home birth, water birth, and it was the most magical experience of my life. So, right from the beginning of finding out I was pregnant, I was just getting so excited for another magical home birth experience. And really, my husband and I felt very confident I was not going to have another miscarriage, especially as a couple weeks went by. I was doing everything in my power to be as healthy as possible. I ordered all the vitamins. I completely cut out sugar. I cut out dairy. I cut out gluten. I cut out any form of highly processed food from my diet. I was eating extremely healthy. one, for the baby's sake, and two, just cuz I was hoping it might have something to do with possibly helping me not have HG as bad during this pregnancy. We even decided to make the decision to pay a very high amount of money so that I could work with a nutritionist, again, hoping that I could avoid HG. I called my friends and family, my sisters, my mom, and I was pretty much in tears with everyone. And they all know me. They all know that as much as I was really scared about having another pregnancy and didn't want it, I was excited about having another child. And because we thought we were done at three kids, I started getting really excited at the thought of having four kids because that was not anywhere on our radar. Um, so my husband and I both, we started talking about how, you know, exciting this was going to be. Our our table was going to be so much more full as adults, you know, once we had adult children. and having adult children is something I really look forward to. So, we started getting excited, but I was still watching my symptoms. The pregnancy felt very different right from the beginning.

[00:05:50]One, just cuz I'm extremely hyper aware of my body, but two, I was sick earlier than I had ever been before. And so, that was really scaring me because since I had progressively gotten sicker with every pregnancy, being the sickest the earliest on with this pregnancy really did scare me. And then um I think it was about 6 or 7 weeks into pregnancy. I think it was right before I hit 7 weeks, my morning sickness went away. I had just started working with a nutritionist. So I thought, okay, either [snorts] she's really helping me. I think I had worked with her for a couple weeks at that point. So I thought, either she's really helping me or I'm not pregnant anymore. So that day I went to Walmart, got some pregnancy tests, took them, and they were super dark, super positive. I felt relieved. Um, and I decided, you know, I'm just going to keep an eye on my symptoms. And the next day, I still didn't feel sick and I felt really nervous about it. But I thought, you know what? Again, and again, I really honestly thought, there's no way I'm going to lose this pregnancy cuz I don't want it, you know, and again, I wanted the baby. I just didn't want the pregnancy. So, I thought there's no way that I'm actually going to lose this child because we didn't want it. We didn't plan it. Clearly, God wanted this for our lives. Now, this is going to come up later in the story, but when I first found out I was pregnant, I was really drawing closer to God and praying to him specifically. I prayed this one prayer and I remember this one day standing in our yard. I'm really struggling. I mean, I was really struggling because again, I'm excited about the baby, not excited about the pregnancy. thinking about the hell I went through with my last pregnancy. I can't even explain to you the literal depth of hell that I was in for 9 months, not to mention the postpartum recovery, not to mention so so many things that went into it. And so I was really just praying for peace, praying that I could accept this and be okay with it and survive and just be okay with the fact that I might really, really, really struggle. And something I had prayed right from the beginning was, "Lord, if you're going to take this baby from me, if I'm going to have another miscarriage, if this baby's going to go to you, please take it early." I watched two friends of mine have stillborn babies at 40 weeks last year, within 6 weeks of each other. And that devastated me to this day. I still cry about it. To this day, my heart is broken. I think about those precious babies. I think about their names every day. I think about those moms every day. It was devastating. And I have walked through and seen people lose babies at 18, 19, 20 weeks. It happens so much more often than people realize or think that it does. So, I had really prayed just from the beginning, Lord, if you're going to take my baby, take it early. Please, please take it early. And I distinctly remember this one day where I was standing in the yard and I had this prayer with the Lord. I was feeling really excited. I was feeling happy. I was I wanted the pregnancy. Even as crazy as that sounds, I knew it was going to be hard, but I I had gotten to a point where I had accepted it. And I just prayed, Lord, if if you're going to give someone a miscarriage this year, and at the time, I was thinking of all the people I know who are pregnant right right now. My own sister is pregnant. We actually found out we had the exact same due date, and she's pregnant with her first pregnancy, with her first child.

[00:09:12]And I asked God, I just had this moment with him in the yard where I said, "Lord, if you're going to give someone a loss this year, give it to me because I can handle it. I know physically and mentally I can take it." And I'm thinking of my sister. I'm thinking of other people that I know that are infertile or struggling with secondhand infertility or just desperately want another child. Desperately, they're, you know, pregnant. They've suffered loss before. They've been through so much and I just I remember telling him, "Lord, if you're going to give someone a loss this year, give it to me because I can handle it." I I I will take that pain for someone else. And I remember asking him and telling him, I will take that pain for someone else. If it's going to go to someone, if it's going to go to someone in this area of my friends, of my sister, I want that to be me. And then I kind of moved on after that prayer. And around 7 weeks, I think it was literally the day or 2 days before I hit 7 weeks.

[00:10:11]I at this point I had not been feeling nauseous for about 2 days straight, but I had taken tests and they were positive. But I did know that sometimes you can take tests that are positive while going through a miscarriage because the hCG can just be really high.

[00:10:25]Sure enough, I started bleeding. I started cramping. And then I started passing actual pieces which that at that point like it's a miscarriage. I was really devastated, but I also knew that pregnancy was so hard for me. There was part of me that was relieved and there was part of me that thought, you know, for the benefit of my kids and for my husband. I just felt like this was meant to be. I I wasn't meant to be pregnant this year. We're going through a lot. Also around this time, my husband actually got his job offered back to him, which was not surprising because the fact that he was let go of his job was insane because he is highly highly talented. Um, has a specialized job. He's worked at the same job for the same company for 9 years.

[00:11:09]Like I was not at all surprised that they literally reached out to him and were like, "Yeah, we're making a mistake. We need you back. We need you here." It was a very bittersweet moment because we were just going through a lot. But there was part of me that thought, you know, this is part of God's plan. We just were not meant to have another child. It was going to be too difficult on me. And he knew I couldn't handle it. And, you know, we're closing this chapter. I really had the space and the time to mourn and grieve. I have a really good community around me right now. I had friends showing up in my house bringing me meals, sending me groceries to my door, sending me gifts, sending me flowers. My sister's mother-in-law sent me flowers. Like, she's not even related to me. and she just loved on me so much. So many people loved on me so much more than they needed to. I I was not asking people to do this for me. They were just reaching out out of the love that they had. I mean, it was amazing, incredible. And I've truly never felt so loved in my entire life. Now, we were really busy right after this happened. I mean, right when the miscarriage happened, we had a lot going on in our lives in the upcoming weeks. I actually had a Mother's Day party that I had planned months beforehand. I was throwing a farmers market themed Mother's Day party and I love to go all out for parties, especially just for my friends. And they had just done so much for me. I was so excited to really shower them in love.

[00:12:31]And I will say that um about 4 days after my miscarriage. So my miscarriage ended up being the lightest, easiest miscarriage I had ever had. I had had miscarriages before that were extremely extremely painful, really, really hard on my body. And this one was very light, very easy, and I did not get an ultrasound. I did not go to an OB/GYN. Um, and to add some context, we are pretty new to the area we are currently living at. My husband and I have been married for eight years and in that time I believe we've moved six times and we have only lived in this area for a couple years now. So I'm not super settled with doctors and I didn't have a doctor because with my last birth and pregnancy I had used a midwife and I had done a home birth. So my miscarriage went really well. I was updating my midwife. I remember asking her a couple times like is there any way this isn't a miscarriage because weirdly enough I still it something felt off. something felt very off from the beginning and I had had people message me on my Instagram saying, "Hey, maybe it's this certain form of, you know, bleeding where you're still pregnant." And that kind of got my hopes up, but I was trying not to get my hopes up. And my midwife was like, "If you're having like if you're seeing stuff being passed from your body, there's just no way, especially if you are also cramping, also in pain." You know, there was just there was, you know, really no way is what she was telling me. We had a lot going on. And at one point, my midwife actually did schedule me, well, she didn't schedule me um an ultrasound, but she let me know that she could schedule me one. And I told her no because I just thought, you know, everything was going well. I was recovering well. I stopped bleeding pretty quickly. I think I was bleeding for like 5 days. And I just thought, you know what? I'm doing really well. I'm fine. So, I went forward with my Mother's Day party. I was doing a lot at the time, just a lot of crafts. I had recently gotten into baking sourdough bread. I had a couple friends have babies or enter into the third trimester. I also had like five friends get pregnant the same, you know, within the same two weeks that I had my miscarriage. And so I was just so excited for everyone. I was so excited to reach out and help my friends throw this party for them, do all these crafts and make my sourdough bread and just love on my kids and husband and just grieve. And you know, there was a big part of me that didn't want to go get an ultrasound because I just didn't want to see an empty womb. Like there is nothing more exciting in my [clears throat] personal experience than that first ultrasound when you hear the heartbeat when you see the baby. Like that is the best feeling. And the thought of going to get an ultrasound without having a baby or a heartbeat waiting to me I I didn't want to do it. Now would I recommend you to go do it? Obviously yes. As the story progresses we will get into why that was ultimately really dumb. And I know a lot of people, trust me, a lot of people have already messaged me on Instagram and told me how stupid I am for not going in. Yeah, I know. I get it. It is what it is. Like, I don't know what to tell you cuz I don't have a time machine and I can't go back in time and undo that. But now, after what I've been through, obviously, yes, I will do that in the future if I ever have another miscarriage or if I ever get pregnant again. Around the same time I had my Mother's Day party, I actually had my first period, which I thought was weird because I had just miscarried. And it hadn't even been really long enough time for me to go through a cycle again. So, it was about 2 weeks after I finished bleeding from my miscarriage, I had a period. Now, right from the beginning, my period was very suspicious to me. It just did not feel like a normal period. And the thing that was actually most suspicious to me was the the part where my day one bleeding was like my least amount of bleeding. And it got heavier and heavier and heavier. And in total, my period lasted about 7 to 8 days. And just the the cycle of it, everything about it was very very odd. And throughout this whole time, before my period, during my period, after my period, I just felt so off. I felt really off. I felt really weird again during this time. U my midwife was like I can order you an ultrasound right now and I was like no I'm good. I think there's a big part of me that felt like I'm being dramatic. I need to be strong and not be dramatic.

[00:16:50]Obviously again that's very stupid. You should always listen to yourself. And I totally did not listen to myself cuz I knew something was off. I knew something was suspicious and I did not listen to myself at all. my period ended and at this point we were packing to go to Illinois. So a couple days after my period ended at this point if I still would have been pregnant which spoiler alert I later found out I was still pregnant. I would have been around 10 or 11 weeks at this point. We were going to Illinois for my sister's wedding and I was supposed to photograph the wedding.

[00:17:21]It's a 15hour drive which is diabolical.

[00:17:24]That's why we haven't been to Illinois in 2 years. And we had so many family and friends that we hadn't seen in 2 years. So, we were really excited about seeing everyone. I felt really off. And at this point, I had been eating as healthy as possible. I had been taking my vitamins. I'd been drinking herbal tea. And I actually did a 60-hour fast before going to Illinois because I just felt so off. I felt like just not great.

[00:17:48]Like not really bad, but not great. I know my body enough to know something was off. I felt bloated. I felt just like mentally off. But I also assumed I was postpartum because something that a lot of people don't realize is that when you have a miscarriage, you are postpartum. You have postpartum hormones. So, I was like chalking it all up to being postpartum. And I was just trying to be brave. I was trying to be strong and get ready for this wedding.

[00:18:12]And we just had so much going on. And at this point, my husband's about to go back to his job. So, he literally had a onew week break where he was unemployed.

[00:18:22]And that week was during the week we were going to Illinois. So, it kind of worked out. He was preparing to go back to work. He had another job. So, he was working two jobs before he was let go.

[00:18:31]And then he was going to have two jobs again once he came back and took his job back. So, he is working a lot. And that was also part of the reason I didn't go get an ultrasound because he's literally working around the clock at this point.

[00:18:42]I'm homeschooling our oldest son. I'm doing a lot with our kids. He is doing a lot. We're both trying to make things work. We're trying to spend time together. We're trying to just have at home date nights and enjoy each other because my husband and I really do have a very close-knit relationship. We really love each other and we've been through a lot in the last 8 and 1/2 years of marriage. It's only brought us closer and we're just each other's best friend. So, with him working so much, I'm just doing everything I can in my power to make sure he doesn't have to do more when he gets home. But, he's the kind of guy, it doesn't matter if he works two jobs. If he comes home and there's laundry to do, he's going to do laundry. If he comes home and there's shopping that needs to be done, he's going to watch the kids, give them baths, put them to bed so that I can go shopping without having to bring all three kids. We very much work as a team.

[00:19:31]And that means that somehow he always shoulders the most of it. Like it always happens like that. So I'm just trying to be strong and brave for him so that he's not basically juggling four jobs at once. Again, if I had known what was going to happen, I would have just gone and gotten an ultrasound. That's what I should have done. And if he had known, he would have pushed me to go get one.

[00:19:51]But we were just so busy. Honestly, neither of us was really thinking about it. And again, I was fine enough that it didn't seem like something was going on.

[00:19:59]It just seemed like, yeah, I'm probably postpartum and I'm probably dealing with some slight health issues right now. So, we go to Illinois. We drive 12 hours to Indiana, visit with some friends there.

[00:20:09]We went to the Indianapolis Zoo. It was so much fun and we had so much fun seeing our friends. And the day of the zoo, I will say that's when things started feeling off. But keep in mind, we had just driven 12 hours straight.

[00:20:22]Now, I was very bloated at this point.

[00:20:24]And I thought that was odd because I had just finished a 60-hour fast. I had been eating extremely healthy. I'd been drinking herbal tea. I'd been cutting out junk food, sugar, you know, cutting out dairy, foods that I know normally make me bloated or not feel my best. So, I just thought it was so weird. And when we were walking around the Indianapolis Zoo, I felt bloated and exhausted, which is not normal for me unless I'm just about to get on my period. But I had just gotten off of my period. I was so exhausted to the point that our friends were even asking if I was okay, if I wanted to leave. I found myself sitting on park benches and just feeling so off, feeling like I could fall asleep in the moment. But I'm chalking everything up to the fact that we just drove for 12 hours. We slept overnight in, you know, an Airbnb, so it's not my normal bed. My husband and I had stayed up late watching our favorite Netflix show and just hanging out with each other and just loving on each other while the kids were sleeping. The next day, we made the 4-hour drive all the way to Illinois. We visited with some friends and family. I went to the park with one of my best friends that I hadn't seen in years, and I was able to meet her daughter that I'd never met before. And this day, I was also feeling odd. I was feeling off. My appetite was weird. I was feeling bloated. It was just weird. But again, I'm thinking maybe I'm constipated.

[00:21:40]Maybe I'm gassy. Something's off. But we were eating some fast food. I was a little nervous about food poisoning even cuz I don't normally eat fast food. So I feel like I'm really susceptible to food poisoning from fast food. So now we get into the thick of it. It is the next day. So it is our third day on vacation and we were staying at kind of a seedy motel, a two-star motel. It was not great. It was one tiny room. We were all sleeping together. The kids were having a rough time sleeping at night. My husband and I were having a rough time sleeping at night and it was the day of my sister's wedding. Now, we had a strict schedule because I was the photographer for the wedding. So, we were supposed to be there at 10:00 a.m.

[00:22:20]with the kids all ready to go. We were leaving to go home, not the next day, but the next day. So, we knew we had this strict schedule where, you know, it was the wedding day. It was Saturday.

[00:22:33]Sunday, we were going to visit a couple people. Monday drive home. So, Saturday morning, we were going to wake up really early, get the kids ready to go. I was going to shower, do my makeup. We were going to go to our favorite breakfast spot. We were really excited about it and we knew Saturday was the only day we could go out to breakfast cuz again, we had a tight schedule Sunday. It was the last day that we were going to be in town, see a couple people. We were using separate cars. My husband was borrowing his aunt's car. We were trying to make everything work. We were trying to make sure that we were both watching the kids so we could both visit with our friends.

[00:23:02]Saturday morning, I wake up at 5:00 in the morning. And the first thing I thought, I woke up with excruciating pain. And my first thought was, "This feels like a miscarriage."

[00:23:14]And my second thought was, "This can't be a miscarriage. I just had one, and I just had a period." Now, at this point, I'm still feeling drugged because I had taken benadryil probably 5 hours earlier. I'm lying in bed in so much pain. I mean, I can't even describe the level of pain this was on a pain scale from 1 to 10. It wouldn't even touch 10.

[00:23:37]It would seriously be 100. I was in so much pain. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I was just kind of like trapped in my body. And this had happened to me one other time with my first miscarriage. My first ever miscarriage.

[00:23:53]I was in that level of pain. And I actually didn't know at that time that that's not normal for a miscarriage, but we'll we'll touch on that later. So, I'm just in the worst pain that I've ever been in other than that one miscarriage.

[00:24:06]So, my brain goes to this feels like a miscarriage, but my brain also goes to this can't be a miscarriage. And one thing I forgot to add is that after my period, that felt weird. I had taken one pregnancy test cuz I had one pregnancy test left and it had two bright red lines. But I ended up reaching to a bunch of people that had had miscarriages and some of them said they had really positive uh pregnancy tests even a couple months after their miscarriage. And I had reached out to my midwife and she had offered the ultrasound. Um but I was positive I wasn't pregnant so I didn't go. So, I'm lying in this hotel room just in excruciating pain. And my husband, he woke up. We're pretty in sync. So, usually if I wake up, he'll wake up. So, he kind of woke up, but he was very sleepy. We had both slept terribly. And he rolled over and put his arm around my arm. And I was like, "Don't touch me."

[00:24:59]And he was like, "What?" And I was like, "Don't touch me. I am in so much pain right now." And he's like, "Oh." And he's sleeping. I think he just fell back asleep. So, he takes his hand off me.

[00:25:12]And at this point, I'm like, I got to get out of bed. I've been lying here in pain at that point probably an hour. So, I roll out of bed and I'm in so much pain. I just kind of like crumple to the floor and crawl to the bathroom. And my son's bed is like right next to the bathroom. So, I'm trying to be quiet. I couldn't stand up. I was in so much pain. I crawl to the bathroom and I'm immediately hit with extreme heatwave.

[00:25:37]I'm ex I'm hit with nausea. So I crawl over to the toilet, lean over it, but I'm hit with so much pain that I just crumpled to the floor. So my cheek is on our twostar hotel motel bathroom floor.

[00:25:54]I'm looking at this like dirty toilet and dirty floor and I'm thinking about how disgusting this is, but I literally couldn't move. And I'm naked. I'm like naked on a cold, dirty bathroom floor. I mean, nothing about this is something I would normally ever do. You couldn't pay me to do this. That was just where I was at. And I thought about calling out for my husband, but I was in so much pain. I couldn't speak. I couldn't talk. So, I probably laid there for about 20 or 30 minutes. At this point, my husband had woken up. He came to check on me, and I was ever so slightly in less pain. And I tried to go to the bathroom. I couldn't go to the bathroom. So, at this point, I'm like, "Oh, I'm constipated. I'm gassy." Clearly, that's what's going on here. Have I ever been constipated or gassy in my life? No. Have I ever been constipated or gassy in my life with that amount of pain? No. But I'm gaslighting myself. I'm fully gaslighting myself at this point. So, my husband comes in to check on me. I'm like, I'm not okay, but I think I'm constipated.

[00:26:57]And I'm also like, something is wrong with me. I I should probably call my sister and tell her, "Hey, have someone come pick up the camera bag and have someone on call to take these pictures because I I'm not sure what is going on." Um, and so my husband leaves to go get me something to help with constipation. And literally as he comes back in the hotel, so he's probably gone for like 20 minutes. At this point, we know we're not going out for breakfast.

[00:27:22]And at this point, I think it's like 9:30 in the morning, so we're supposed to leave now to get there on time. So, we're thinking, okay, we missed breakfast. We might also be there a little bit late, but the wedding doesn't start till 2:00. We were supposed to be early early for pictures, but it doesn't start till 2:00. So, worst case, if we're not there till 2, it's going to be okay. So, he walks back in with stuff for constipation. And at this point, the pain had released ever so slightly, and I go number two. And that's when it clicked. I am not constipated. Something is really, really wrong with me. And then I started bleeding. I'm now freaking out. Not freaking out freaking out, but I'm realizing something is not okay. And my mind is instantly going to my miscarriage, to my period, and I'm wondering if something's going on, like if I'm still pregnant. Someone comes and gets the camera. We call my parents. They live an hour away. They come get the kids. I call one of my best friends who used to be a nurse. She is telling me that I need to go get an ultrasound. So, at this point, we're all thinking that there's tissue stuck inside of me. I'm going to go get an ultrasound. They're going to see tissue. They're probably going to give me something, some kind of medicine, or worst case scenario, I'm going to have a DNC, which I've never had before. I've never wanted it before, just because it's pretty invasive. Um, but obviously, if I need it, I'm more than happy to get it. So, my husband and I plan on going to get an ultrasound.

[00:28:53]So, the kids get taken and someone gets the camera bag. I'm still at this point thinking, "Hey, maybe all I need is a little medication.

[00:29:02]I'll be fine and I'll still be able to make it to the wedding." So, we make an appointment for an urgent care and I specifically put on the appointment that I needed an ultrasound. And this urgent care had an ultrasound technician from what I Googled. Long story short, we go there, we're there for two hours. I'm in extreme pain. I'm bleeding. I'm freaking out. They have me take a pee test and we had to wait a full hour before the doctor saw me. And she basically tells me, "Your hg is extremely high, but that's normal for how recently you had a miscarriage. And you need an ultrasound, but we don't have an ultrasound technician on hand, and we are not connected to any, so you're going to have to go somewhere else." So, I'm honestly kind of furious, but also in so much pain. I can't even be furious. And as soon as she told me that my hCG was extremely high, I felt sus because she right away told me that's normal. But in my head, I'm like, this is not normal.

[00:29:56]Nothing about this is normal. My hCG should not be high this late. So, we go to another urgent care where we know for sure they have an ultrasound technician on hand. And actually, they rushed me through the process there because the ultrasound technician wanted to go home.

[00:30:10]I think at this point, we were hitting the 2:00 mark. So, I was realizing, oh, we're going to miss the wedding. Um, but I'm in so much pain, I almost don't even care. Like, I do care, but I'm also just realizing for the amount of pain I'm in, I know something's off. And so, they kind of rush me through the process.

[00:30:28]They have me take a blood test. They have me take a pe and get me ready to see the ultrasound technician. And before I go in to see the ultrasound technician, the doctor comes in and he says, "Your hg is extremely high. you're you're still pregnant. I mean, he basically says, "You're still pregnant."

[00:30:47]And he leaves the room and I mean, everything is being rushed. They're rushing me to get an ultrasound. The doctor's basically saying, "Your hcg is really high." Like, something is going on here. He doesn't say you're still pregnant, but he's like, "Something's going on." So, he leaves and I turn to my husband and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, imagine I walk in there and they see a baby." Like imagine I'm still pregnant and I'm just having some kind of weird bleeding disorder and I'm like excited.

[00:31:14]I'm like, "Oh my gosh, maybe I'm still pregnant." Like imagine I show up to the wedding in an hour and I'm like, "Hey guys, I'm still pregnant." I was so excited. And my husband's like, "Is that even possible?" And I'm like, "Well, you know, probably not, but maybe." And so I go in to see the ultrasound technician.

[00:31:33]I'm in high spirits at this point, okay?

[00:31:35]cuz I'm like life is good. I'm I have high hcg.

[00:31:41]Um [sighs and gasps] so she pulls out her ultrasound thing to go on my stomach and I was like you're not using the transvaginal ultrasound. Now if you are unfortunate enough to know what that is, I'm so sorry. Uh if you are blessed enough to not know what that is, it is a rod that they stick up there. It's horrible. It's very uncomfortable. So I'm so excited. I'm like, "Oh my gosh, you're not going to use the transvaginal rod." And she's like, "Oh, honey, like I I might have to, but I mean, I don't have to. Like, if you say not to, I won't." I'm like, "Oh, well, you know, if you have to, then yeah, but I would love for you to not." So, she goes on my stomach. She's got the cream and she's looking around and I'm like listening for a heartbeat. I'm looking at her thing and I'm like, "Do you see a baby?"

[00:32:28]And she's like, "No, I I don't." And I didn't see one either, so I was kind of like, okay, well, I I knew there probably wouldn't be one, but there was just that small part of me hoping there would be. So, she is digging around. I'm starting to cramp a little worse. And she's digging in there. She's going at it. She's taking picture after picture after picture after picture. And her face is visibly looking concerned. So, we start off like chatting, happy. I'm like, "Yeah, you know, blah blah blah.

[00:32:53]I'm in pain, but it's not as bad as it was that morning." the more she looks around, the more concerned she gets and the more I'm cramping. And then she's like, "I'm so sorry. I need to do the the transvaginal ultrasound." I'm like, "It's okay. I you got to do what you got to do. I want to be taken care of. I want to make sure that we don't miss anything." So, she puts it in and she's like looking around in there and it this is taking a while. At first, I was braving it out. I'm like, "This is fine.

[00:33:21]It's really not that bad." And she's like, "Tell me if you need me to take that." It gets to the point that I am like cussing in pain. I am crying. And I'm not a crier. I don't cry when I'm in pain. But I I had no other way to just release how much discomfort I was in.

[00:33:37]And I started asking her to take it out.

[00:33:39]And she was like, "Honey, I'll take it out if you want me to, but I'm going to have to go back in." And at this point, I'm like, "Oh my gosh, this is not good.

[00:33:48]This is not good." So, it was bad. I was in so much pain. I'm feeling worse pain by the moment. I can feel myself bleeding more and more. And finally, finally, she's done. And I'm in so much pain. She wheelchairs me back to my husband. And at this point, like my face is red and puffy. I've been balling. And I go into the room with my husband and he was like, "Oh my goodness, are you okay?" And everyone walks out and I said, "I thought I thought they were going to see a baby." and [snorts] I just started losing it and he was just holding me and hugging me and I was just balling and I was like I don't think I'm okay. I think something's really wrong.

[00:34:32]She was looking for a really long time and there's [snorts] no baby. And [gasps] so my husband was comforting me and I was trying to get it together and the doctor comes in and he's looking really sad and concerned and he sees how much I'm crying. And at this point, [snorts] I was lying down cuz I was in so much pain. And I was lying down on the table and he says, "You're still pregnant, but it's ectopic. It looks ectopic. We don't we don't know for sure cuz you have so much internal bleeding and this is bad enough that I would recommend you get an ambulance over here and go to the hospital immediately."

[00:35:11]So the honestly the second he said it was ectopic, it was like my world just ended because one of my worst fears has always been [snorts] that I would have an ectopic pregnancy and have a living baby that I would have to remove. And they they ended up saying there's no heartbeat. And honestly, if there's one thing that I'm so thankful for, it's that my baby did not have a heartbeat because I would not have been able to handle that.

[00:35:44]So, at this point, um the hospital that we were recommended to go to was 7 minutes away. So, we did not order an ambulance because of healthc care in America. And uh my husband and I actually weren't sure if we were even insured at this point cuz he was technically unemployed. He was in that one week chunk of time where he was unemployed.

[00:36:07]So we drove to the hospital and at this point I'm in level 1,000 pain. I am in more pain than I've ever been in my life. I can't stop crying. I'm so worried and sad and I'm in so much pain.

[00:36:23]I'm starting to think like this might be the end. I might be this might be the last time that [snorts] I'm a living human being. We got to the hospital and my husband gets um a wheelchair. Is that is that what I'm thinking of? A wheelchair, right? Wheels me in. They're giving, you know, they're taking my information and then they just wheel me to the waiting room to wait. And I literally told my husband, "If they do not come get me right now, I'm going to lie down on this floor and you go tell them that I passed out." So he goes up front. He says, "She's about to pass out." And I was about to pass out. I was about to pass out from the pain. I was about to throw up. They had given me like a special throw up bag cuz I was there, but I [snorts] hadn't eaten or drunk anything all day. So, I think that's the only thing that saved me from puking. Um, so they wheel me to the back. They start taking care of me. Um, one of the best things that happened to me all day is that when the nurse was taking our information at the front, she called, she asked my husband if he was my dad, and [snorts] I was like, "Ha, old. you look old. That's like his worst fear and it was like the best thing that happened to me all day. So, they wheel me to the back and they had to take their own ultrasound there, but they did not do the transvaginal one. And I honestly told them I'm like, "Guys, I can't handle that. I I was in too much pain at that point." So, [snorts] there's two nurses in there.

[00:37:45]One of them is getting my information.

[00:37:47]They're getting signatures from me for, you know, all these things. They finish up my ultrasound. They had put an IV in me and they gave me my first shot of morphine. And let me tell you, after 10 hours of being in excruciating pain, it was such a relief. Thank God for painkillers.

[00:38:06]And um they were able to basically confirm that I had an ectopic pregnancy.

[00:38:13]The baby had attached itself to one of my fallopian tubes instead of my uterus and my tube had burst. Um, I had so much internal bleeding. They weren't exactly sure what was going on. That was their best bet and they were going to push for surgery immediately. So, I think all that happened around 6:00 and I went in for surgery at 7:00.

[00:38:36]I could be wrong. I mean, honestly, I was so loopy and I was so much in pain.

[00:38:40]Even with the morphine, I was in so much pain. They wheeled me downstairs for surgery and they wheeled me into the surgical room. And at this point, I will say I don't I'm not a horror movie watcher. I I really can't handle horror movies. I'm not that kind of person. And they wheeled me into the surgery room.

[00:38:58]And my first thought was, "This looks like a horror movie. This is like" And then they start strapping my arms down.

[00:39:04][snorts] And then they told me, they said, "We're giving you something for anxiety." And instantly, I felt this like wave of warm water wash over me. I mean, it wasn't literally warm water, but that's just what it felt like. And you could have walked in at that moment and told me my whole family had passed in a car accident, and I would have been like, "Okay, cool." I felt amazing. And then they put a face mask on me, like a breathing thing, and they were like, "Take a couple deep breaths." And I blinked, and I was in the waiting room.

[00:39:35]So, they did it. Uh, turned out it was for sure an ectopic pregnancy. One of my fallopian tubes burst. They removed that. I mean, I don't even exactly know what they did cuz I was in so much I was on so many pain meds at that point.

[00:39:49]Everything was really loopy. I ended up spending the night overnight at the hospital. So, my parents still had the kids at this point. We completely missed the wedding. We missed everything.

[00:39:57]Wedding, reception, everything. And that was really heartbreaking. But to be honest, I was in so much pain and I was under so much overwhelming news that it it was, you know, it was what it was.

[00:40:12]>> [snorts] >> And I do want to mention that this entire story comes to a bit of a full circle and I had this really cool moment with God in the hospital because when I stayed overnight um immediately after surgery, it was probably 8:00 at that point. They wheel me into my room.

[00:40:29]I'm under all these pain meds. I go to sleep, but I woke up around 2:00 in the morning and I woke up because I thought my kids were calling my name. Like I thought I heard them calling me. And I woke up and and then it was like I realized I'm in a hospital room. There's the beep beep beep. You know, I'm hooked up to all this stuff. I've got IVs.

[00:40:46]They're giving me liquids. I'm alone in this hospital room. My husband asked me if if he wanted if I wanted him to stay and I told him, "No, go back to the hotel." I wanted him to get me some stuff and bring it in the morning anyway. I'm like, "Go have a good night's sleep." I knew he wouldn't sleep well there, and I knew I would probably sleep fine under all my medication. So, I wake up at 2:00 in the morning thinking my kids called me and just wake up realizing no, I just had surgery. I just found out I was pregnant and also found out I wasn't pregnant in the same day. You know, it just all this stuff hit me and I just started crying. I was in pain. I was feeling overwhelmed. I knew that the next day we were going to have to drive 15 hours home.

[00:41:29]Actually, not the next day, but the next day. And I there was just so much there was so much that was hitting me that I hadn't been able to process that day.

[00:41:36]And I just started crying and I was like, "God, why why did this happen? Why did I miss my sister's wedding? Why did why did I have an ectopic pregnancy? I never thought that would happen to me."

[00:41:48]And I it was almost like I heard his voice. Obviously, I didn't hear his voice. I'm not crazy, but it was almost as if he spoke and imprinted his words on my heart. And I heard him tell me, he said, "You told me that if anyone was going to have this pain to give it to you." And I felt so much peace. And I realized God answered my prayers. He gave this to me and not the people in my life that I love. He didn't give this to my sister.

[00:42:24]He didn't give this to so many women in my life that I love so much that could not and should not have to go through an ectopic pregnancy. And I was so thankful and I thanked God for answering my prayer and for giving this to me and not to anyone else because that is what I wanted. That is what I asked for weeks before. You know, I had asked God. I told him, "If anyone is going to have a loss, give it to me. I can handle it."

[00:42:56]And in that hospital room, I knew I had the strength to handle it. And [snorts] I was so thankful. I was so thankful that it was given to me and nobody else. And nobody else in my life that I love. [snorts] I was so thankful.

[00:43:14]And it was the closure I needed to this entire thing. And I'm still to this day so thankful that it happened to me and that my baby did not have a heartbeat when they had to remove it. So [snorts] that is the story of my missed ectopic pregnancy and I wanted to share it here because so many people have asked me, so many people have been confused. So many of even my own friends and family thought this was a separate pregnancy than my previous miscarriage. Um because obviously that wasn't actually a miscarriage. It was just an ectopic pregnancy the whole time. And I had no idea. So obviously in the beginning of this video when I said I had a miscarriage and when I had a period, I didn't actually have a miscarriage. I didn't have a period. It was just bleeding and it was just complications from an ectopic pregnancy. But I had no idea and that's why my pregnancy tests were positive. That's that's why I mean it all makes sense now obviously and obviously I should have gone and gotten an ultrasound and I didn't and now I know better. I have one tube missing now but they didn't have to remove my ovaries which is really good. If I ever want to get pregnant again I could. That is not in our plan right now. But that is my story. Um, thank you guys so much for watching this and I love you all.