HOW TO STOP PEOPLE PLEASING | CENTERING SELF | RELEASE THE FEAR OF JUDGEMENT | BEING YOURSELF

Added: 2026-05-13

[00:00:00]And if people don't love you for being yourself, they never loved you to begin with. By being yourself, you need to learn how to be self centered. Save yourself first. When they call me self-centered, but I'm not male centered.

[00:00:18]If you really want to become the best version of yourself or get to know the deepest version of yourself, you need to master the art of being disliked. And I know that sounds really counterintuitive because nobody wants to be disliked. But by being disliked and being okay with being disliked, you get to step into the most authentic form of yourself. You also get to stop people pleasing. You also get to reentering yourself and truly understanding yourself and becoming the version of you that you think is on the other side of doing something. It's actually on the other side of being okay with being disliked.

[00:00:53]And I want to get into it. I'm really making this video because something came up recently where I was faced with a people pleaser directly and it negatively impacted not only them but myself. And I really got to thinking about this individual and how being a people pleaser not knowing yourself.

[00:01:11]Wanting to be liked by everyone is actually such a negative thing because it's rooted in inauthenticity and all of these different inner negative traits that seem positive in the way that you're thinking about it, but actually in the deep core of who you are, it's not actually a positive thing. Now, I make so many videos about getting to know yourself. And I know myself so well. And I think people are always impressed by how well I know myself, articulate myself, are able to make decisions because I know myself. And it is all rooted through these practices that I learn through experience. Like I'm not scared to experience life. I'm not scared to get hurt. I'm not scared to rock the boat because everything I do teaches me a lesson. And this one in particular, I think, is really going to resonate with anyone who is struggling and sad and burnt out and feeling like they're always overgiving because they have a people pleasing mentality and they want to be liked by everyone. I'm going to teach you how to be disliked.

[00:02:12]Let's start at the top. One, people pleasing is deeply rooted in insecurity.

[00:02:18]The reason that people people please is because they don't like saying no.

[00:02:24]Because saying no means that the person who's receiving the no or the person who is on the other end of whatever you're trying to please is going to look at you and say, "This person isn't willing to do this for me." You are deeply uncomfortable with potentially disappointing other people. And you're prioritizing other people's feelings more than you prioritize your bandwidth, your ability, and even your feelings.

[00:02:47]And this is the deep root problem with people pleasing. You are literally willing to cross your own boundaries and betray yourself for the betterment of and not even necessarily the betterment for pleasing the people around you. And that is a huge root issue. And if you felt like you did that when you were a kid to not rock rock the boat with your family or parents or you felt like you did that in school to be accepted and liked by everyone, that is the deep wound that will continue to encourage this peopleleasing behavior that you might not even know that you have or you might not even notice that you have in adulthood. People pleasing is so deeply rooted in inauthenticity because a lot of times you will do things for people that you don't actually want to do. You will do things for people that aren't from the place that is actually you doing it. It's from the place of serving whoever is on the other side of this.

[00:03:42]And I don't mean to make this video to sound selfish, self-centered in a negative connotation. I'm going to talk about reentering yourself in this video as well. I mean it in a way that if you don't prioritize yourself and take care of your needs, you're actually the worst version of yourself for every single person in your life. and you are pushing an untrue narrative to your capabilities, to your bandwidth, to your emotional availability, XYZ, and it just actually ends up negatively impacting everyone around you. And it just prohibits your ability to even understand who you are as a person. When you people please and you tell people what you think that they want to hear all the time, not only are you hindering yourself, like I said, you're also hindering the person's growth. So if you people please and you're constantly, you know, complimenting your friends and, you know, lying for the sake of making them feel good, you are taking away from their ability to grow, their ability to receive honest feedback, their ability to actually hear how you feel. And this is why if you are people pleasing, it is deeply rooted in inauthenticity. Because what you're saying is to appease and not to be honest and not coming from a place of genuinely wanting the other person to understand how you feel. I'll give examples. If you're one of the siblings, maybe you have a bunch of different siblings and one of your parents, you enable them. Anytime they come to you and ask you something, you're always going to give them the nice fluffy answer. Anytime they're doing something, you're avoidant to actually tell them that they're wrong. Anytime there's discourse in your family, you're the one who's trying to be in the middle ground, trying to appease everybody. And to be honest, one thing that reality television taught me is that you can never be in the middle ground. You will always end up being the villain if you are trying to play both sides. Being authentic is being able to evaluate a situation and say, "Yeah, you are actually wrong in this situation." And, "Yeah, this is actually hurtful." Or, "Actually, no, that doesn't actually look good on you so that they are understanding their position in this world." Because when you're constantly telling people what they want to hear, it is going to drain you and it is going to lead them to believe a version of you that is not even you. As well as believing in a version or reality of their own that isn't actually true. A lot of people pleasers will, you know, get into relationships and they don't want to rock the boat with their partner. So, they're actually literally leading their partner on because they're deeply scared to say, "Hey, I actually don't like you. Hey, I actually feel this way about certain things." And then they get stuck in relationships and end up hurting that person further down the line because they don't love themselves enough or that person to say, "Hey, this is actually the reality of the situation." That's in a relationship context. In friendship context, it's always enabling your friend to do the thing that you think is going to make her happy instead of actually sitting her down and saying, "Hey, your actions aren't actually making you a better version. Your actions are actually making you a worse version, and this is how people feel about you, and this is how your actions are affecting people."

[00:06:31]If you are scared to say that, you really need to align with yourself more and think, do I love myself enough to be real with the people around me? Do you love yourself enough that even if you feel like this might rock the boat, you're okay with being disliked for the sake of being honest, for the sake of being real, and for the sake of being true to yourself? The reason I said this video like you being liked is standing in the way of you being authentic and getting certain things that you want is because being yourself, if you want something, it's actually a very polarizing idea. Being yourself is polarizing because being an individual in a world feel fil filled with people who want to be liked by everyone so who are following trends who are doing everything that everyone else is doing.

[00:07:15]When you meet someone who has a unique personality that is literally unique to them. Sometimes you might dislike them at first. It's very nuanced. You might meet someone with a personality that you've never come across before because they don't have the Tik Tok brain, because they don't have group think, because they genuinely think for themselves. These people are the intricate ones who in my mind when I think of like someone who really knows themselves, I think of like a creative, like a a Van Go, a Monae. It's all these people who people look at them and they're like, "You're kind of weird because you're not like anyone else because you don't think like anyone else because you've embraced the fact that you are different, that you do your own thing, that you see the world through a lens that is completely individual, and you refuse to be shaken by other people.

[00:07:58]And to be honest, it's polarizing because because this takes nuance, because it takes understanding. You might run the risk of being disliked at first. At first, I've always noticed that when people meet me, you either love me or you don't understand me at first. But then when you get to know me, you like me because you realize I'm honest. I'm an individual. I'm true to myself. I don't necessarily need to please you in order to maintain a relationship. My friends always tell me it's like a hit or miss. Like if you meet Deander, you might really like her or you might not understand her at first, but I promise you it's because I am my own person. And so I really want to encourage you to be your own person.

[00:08:34]And by being your own person, it means standing in a world that everyone wants to be like everyone else. And that as a result is going to make you polarizing.

[00:08:42]And it might not be extreme. Like I it's not I'm not saying you're going to have a crazy personality and you can't be liked by people. That's not what I'm saying at all. But I'm like, get used to the idea of not trying to be liked by everyone because it will literally stop you from getting to know yourself. I feel like in a lot of families, there's always that one daughter who's like the really honest one that everyone like tiptoes around because they're scared of what this one might say. That is the girl who knows herself. That is the girl who's going to be honest with the people around her. And as she grows up, they're the ones she's the one that ends up being loved by everyone because it's like, oh, she always stood 10 toes down.

[00:09:15]She's really going to have your back, but she's always going to keep it real.

[00:09:18]that is someone who knows themselves.

[00:09:20]And so for me, I grew up in a family with so many different siblings and I was able to watch us all evolve into the versions of ourselves that we are now in our older years. And looking back as children, I'm able to literally say like, okay, who is the people pleaser?

[00:09:33]Who is the person who always did their thing? Who is the person who always knew themselves? And we get to see how that actually manifests into our lives as adults. So I think it's really important to understand that being yourself it's going to sometimes rock the boat and that's okay. It's not a negative thing.

[00:09:49]By being yourself, you need to learn how to be selfcentered.

[00:09:55]Uh not in a negative way, but when I say self-centered, it is centering yourself in a literal way. Finding the center, finding what fills your cup, finding what brings you peace, finding what brings you joy. Because when you are a centered version of yourself, anything in your orbit doesn't affect you as negatively as if you center around other people. For example, if you are a person who finds that in your alone time, you fill your cup, you do your workouts, you do your joy, when you meet someone who pulls you into their their orbit, you're not going to be pulled as closely or as quickly as someone who doesn't center themselves and is constantly centering other people. So as as soon as someone walks into your life, whether that be a friend, whether that be a dating situation, you are so quick to center them because you don't center yourself.

[00:10:46]You are constantly centering other people and that is going to give your life waves up and down in a negative way, maybe in a positive way, but also it's just going to further pull you away for from yourself and you won't even know yourself. This idea of being self-centered, it's even this joke on on um social media. It's like when they call me self-centered, but I'm not male-centered. It's like hilarious because it's like, okay, there's actually nothing wrong with being self-centered when it's done properly.

[00:11:12]It just means you really know yourself.

[00:11:13]You care for yourself. You're going to fill your cup before you can properly fill someone else's cup. That's like when you're on an airline and they tell you when your oxygen mask drops, make sure that you put on your oxygen mask before you help the person beside you. I didn't understand that when I was a kid.

[00:11:27]I was thinking, "So, you're going to tell me a whole adult is going to save themselves first before they save the child next to them?" And basically what it is saying is that if you don't get oxygen, baby, when that mask comes down and you're trying to help that kid who can't even do it for themselves, you're going to pass out. You're going to lose consciousness and both of you guys are going to whatever happens after you pass out happens. So, it's basically saying save yourself first because if you save yourself first, you are more likely to save the person beside you. That is what being the better version of selfcentered is. Know what grounds you. Know who you are. Know how to love yourself properly.

[00:12:02]So that when someone comes into your orbit or you're pulling someone into your orbit, you're not negatively impacting their life. This is why self-work is so good is because if you are trying to pull in friendships, if you are trying to pull in dating situations, marital relationships, whatever you want in this life, and you have not centered yourself first, as soon as you pull that person in who might be centered of themselves, and you convince them, oh, I want to be in your life as a friend, as a romantic partner, whatever it may be. As soon as they come in, because you're offcentered and you're unbalanced, now you can negatively impact their orbit or someone does the same to you. And that is the absolute worst. Have you ever been in a situation maybe when you're dating someone and you've really worked on yourself, you're happy, you're whatever, you're joyous, and someone convinces you that they are also self-centered. But as the fruit starts to shows, they're actually not self-centered. They actually have so much trauma. They actually have so much emotional unavailability, but they've already pulled you into their orbit. And you're thinking, you didn't even need to do that. You didn't even need to bring me into your life. You didn't even need to show me all this trauma and hurt me and do all these things because it's like, I loved myself. And I loved myself when I came into your life as a friend, as a romantic partner, whatever. So that's why centering self is so important because centering self means knowing self, loving thyself, working on yourself. So that when you meet people in this life, you're not damaging their experience. You're not the person in their life where they're looking and they're like, "Oh, I wish I never met that girl." Or, "Oh, I never I wish I never dated that girl." You don't want to be that person, and that's why you watch these videos. So for all my people pleasing, thinking that you're doing someone justice by telling them that outfit looks good when it really doesn't. By thinking that you're pleasing someone by convincing them that you like them and that they're the best versions of themselves, even though they're horrible and everyone around them is like, who is this person? What are they doing? You thinking that you're doing a justice to them and to yourself by people pleasing? This video should show you every reason that it's actually not doing justice at all. And you're actually taking away not only from you, but from them. And so if you are a people pleaser, hear me now. Learn the art of being disliked, which to summarize this entire video, it's the art of being real with people, being yourself with people, and understanding that people are going to love you either way. And if people don't love you for being yourself, they never loved you to begin with. And all that people pleasing is giving them a false sense of security, a false reality of who you are. And you will walk through life being inauthentic. And one day you're going to wake up and you're going to be sad. One day you're going to wake up, you're going to be disconnected. Or one day you may never even wake up.

[00:14:31]These videos that you guys are watching, I make these videos for people who are waking up, who are already awake. And people who don't resonate with these videos, they're not awake, babe. They're not going to wake up. And that is okay.

[00:14:41]You're not one of them. So stop the people pleasing. Please stop. Cuz people who people please, like even in my interactions with people pleasers, I'm like, "You ain't got to do all that. You ain't got to give me the false compliments. You ain't got to give me the fake correspondences. I don't need that. I am filling my cup so I don't need your fakeness to make me joyous. Be real with me. Give me the real version of you. Even if it's nuanced, even if it's intricate, even if it's complicated, people who are confident, love themselves, and are self-centered love intricacy. It is not a mountain.

[00:15:12]So, I hope this video resonated with you. I hope that if you are a people pleaser, if you don't like to be disliked, and if you are not centering self in a proper way, that this video really changes your mind and your perspective on why it is so beneficial to getting the things that you want, to being a good person to the people in your life, and being the best version of yourself. As always, I hope that you like this video because I love chatting with you guys, but I will see you in the next one. Mwah.