Girls That Gospel Podcast | Episode 03 | From Death To Life: Moerangi's Testimony

Added: 2026-05-22

[00:00:00]Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Girls That Gospel podcast. Today we have our very first testimony, and the first one will be by Moidangie, which we are so excited for.

[00:00:13]Um, we are so excited to hear her story, um, her testimony and her journey to Christ. I know that testimony may seem quite heavy at times, not only for the listeners, but also for the person sharing the testimony. Uh, but I think the thing I love about testimony is just the heart and the intention behind testimony, which is to give hope. Mhm.

[00:00:34]Um, and just so that you can see context and the way in which God can help you, cuz God can heal anyone, he can restore you, and yeah, that's pretty much the heart for this podcast in general, really. So, we are so excited to hear from Moidangie. I will pass the mic over to you. Oh, yeah.

[00:00:56]>> [laughter] >> Uh, it's great to be here, I think.

[00:01:00]No, it is. And like Teeg said, it's testimony and sharing testimony isn't about us anyway. It's about sharing what Jesus has done in our lives and sharing that with people and showing no matter what you've been through or how sinful you may think you have been, >> Yeah. no one is too far gone for God.

[00:01:21]Yeah, that's true.

[00:01:22]>> yeah, it's it's a powerful thing to hear stories from other people who have been through things that may be similar to you or similar to people you know, and just know that God God is here and he's waiting and Jesus is waiting here with arms wide open, no matter what you're going through, >> Mhm. uh, to to deliver you from that.

[00:01:43]Yeah. So, in regards to today's episode, can I just get you to touch a little bit on kind of the key focuses or the key points that we'll be hearing about today?

[00:01:54]Yeah, I we're going to be covering some heavy stuff. Yeah. There's been a lot in my life that I wish I didn't go through.

[00:02:01]Mhm. And sometimes I actually caught up with one of the other girls a couple of weeks ago and I was sharing some some examples of my life and you know, don't do what I did kind of thing.

[00:02:11]And I found myself saying, "Oh man, I wish I was a better example." Mhm. to set for people because I was like, "Man, why couldn't I be one of those great, you know, perfect little Christian girls?"

[00:02:23]But, you know, she said something really lovely to me and she's like, "Well, actually that's what helps to make you relatable Yeah.

[00:02:29]>> and people can see what you've been through and Mhm. uh and what Jesus has done in your life.

[00:02:34]And so, yeah, we're going to cover some heavy stuff today, but I think just overall the one key message that I want to send to people is that God is good. Mhm.

[00:02:45]Amen.

[00:02:46]>> my life is a testament to his goodness and his faithfulness not just to me, but to my mom who was a praying Christian mom as well. And so, we're going to be covering things like grief, uh mental health, Mhm. suicide, uh depression, Wow. abortion, Wow. so many things that aren't easy to talk about. Yeah.

[00:03:10]But, I think just need Jesus. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if that makes sense, but Yeah. Yeah, and you're so right. I think it's amazing that one you have the courage to share things on such heavy topics and even just how you've talked about sharing with other girls out in the community and how they can relate to you and that's the whole point, right?

[00:03:31]Is that these things aren't easy to share, but the heart behind it is it's to give some someone else hope.

[00:03:38]And it's exactly what you've done and that's exactly what the heart is for Girls That Gospel, so you can jump right into it and start wherever you feel is best to start, so Yeah.

[00:03:52]Well, I guess for me there was a there was one key event that happened in my life that kind of I would call it as the starting point of everything else. Mhm.

[00:04:04]And that for me was losing my dad when I was 12.

[00:04:09]When I was 12 years old yeah, my dad was killed. Yeah.

[00:04:14]On a night that he and I had just been to a concert uh in Whakatane and then we came home and he went out to watch the All Blacks and he never came home.

[00:04:26]And so for me that was a huge turning point in my life. Yeah. And I believe a moment where the enemy really got in there. Yeah. There are so many things about that night that just impacted me.

[00:04:40]Yeah. You know, well I was 12 years old, so going through that teeny bopper 12-ish stage of I'm too cool for my parents kind of thing.

[00:04:50]>> Mhm. And guilt was actually one of the things that really uh entered my life after that.

[00:05:00]I'll touch on that a little bit later, but yeah, so that was kind of the key thing that I believe just opened a door for this spiral in my life. Yeah. Yeah. Where do you think it hit you? Like what was the main part of his death as aside from the grief >> Mhm. that you think made you feel that guilt or that pain or where that crept into your life?

[00:05:23]>> Mhm.

[00:05:24]Yeah, I guess it's this is really hard to talk about cuz it's like I said, it was just this guilt ate me up for years. I didn't share this with anyone. Yeah. And that night that Well, actually the week before that we were at a a tangi hana or a funeral at a marae. Mhm. And one of the one of my friends had said that they were going to this concert. And I knew my dad would take me if I asked.

[00:05:49]And so I asked and of course he said yes. And so the following week we went over to Whakatane.

[00:05:56]And went to this concert, but I was so mean to him. Like I was that 12-year-old like too cool for you. He wanted to get a photo with me on his little Fujifilm camera >> [laughter] >> and I was like no, no, no, no. Like I'm too cool for that. And like you're being really uncool, Dad, you know? And then we we had this concert and then when we were walking home, he had a few weeks prior he had stood in a hot mud pool.

[00:06:23]And a few you know in Rotorua there's like mud pools and potholes of geothermal bursts all around the place.

[00:06:30]>> [laughter] >> So he'd actually stood in one of them not long before that. And so we were walking home because the concert was close to my grandparents' house that in whose house we were staying at. And he was walking and walking slow.

[00:06:47]And I didn't want to walk slow. And so I was walking ahead of him and he was like, "Hey Mosey." which was my nickname. He was like, "Slow down." And I was like, "No, just hurry up." You know, so I was really mean to him. And then he came like we got back to the house and I went straight onto Bebo which a few >> [laughter] >> Also if you're younger than like 25 maybe >> [laughter] >> you might not know what Bebo is.

[00:07:10]I just had a flashback moment. I was like, "What's Bebo?"

[00:07:13]Yeah, [laughter] yeah. So Bebo was like one of the OGs apart from MSN?

[00:07:18]Is that it?

[00:07:20]Yeah. [laughter] Social media sites.

[00:07:22]Anyway, so you got straight on that and he said that he was Oh, he was hitting out and I was like, "Cool." Like just on Bebo.

[00:07:32]And then he was like, "I love you." and I was like, "Yeah, cool."

[00:07:34]Like have a good night and didn't even say anything back and he came and gave me a kiss on the head and then left.

[00:07:39]Yeah. And then that night I was there I went to sleep.

[00:07:45]This is the the craziest part for me which I'll probably touch in a little bit more in my book but is that I actually had a dream that night about exactly what happened to him.

[00:07:56]And I don't know why even to this day I don't know why I had that dream or I had that experience in my dream.

[00:08:02]But anyway he goes out and doesn't come home but I of course I wouldn't know because he was sleeping on the sleep out.

[00:08:09]>> [snorts] >> And so the next morning my the police turn up and they're like where's your grandparents? And or who's here like what adults are here and I said my my grandma's like just back there. Like what's this about? Cuz I was also nosy.

[00:08:24]>> [laughter] >> And he's oh we like need to talk to an adult is your dad here and I was like oh yeah he's just out in the sleep out. And then they're like oh are you sure about that and I was like he's out in the sleep out. That's where he was sleeping and then they said to me oh do you mind going to check for us? And I was like oh yeah sure.

[00:08:45]Anyway went running out to the sleep out and when I opened the door and there was no one there immediately my gut sank.

[00:08:54]Because I was like why is my dad not here and why are the police here?

[00:08:58]Anyway I went back and my grandma was talking to them.

[00:09:00]And I just remember them asking me like does your dad wear a yellow necklace which he did.

[00:09:05]And I was like yes like still really unfamiliar with what was going on.

[00:09:10]And then all of a sudden heard what was going on and what had happened and that my grandma needed to go to the station to identify him and and all of a sudden my dream just started coming back to me and I was like wait no like this can't be real this was my dream like this cannot be real and then and then when obviously I realized it was real everything that I had done to him the night before just like hit me. Yeah.

[00:09:38]Came flooding back. Came flooding back.

[00:09:40]And I think as a 12-year-old, you don't really Well, I didn't really understand the impact of losing my dad at the time cuz you're still a child. Yeah. really understand death. Well, I didn't anyway.

[00:09:52]Mhm. And so I was just still trying to, you know, come to terms with that Yeah.

[00:09:56]while also being like, wait, what? Like, I won't be able to tell my dad I love him. Like, I won't be able to kiss him.

[00:10:01]Like, so all of this grief >> Mhm.

[00:10:04]and guilt entered my life. Yeah. And that ate me up Yeah. for years. Yeah. I bet because even just hearing you talking about your dad, it makes me I'm almost in tears, honestly. I'm not even kidding.

[00:10:19]Um but I feel for you because I have both my parents alive today, luckily.

[00:10:26]Um and I'm so grateful when I think about my dad Mhm. and how much I adore him, it just breaks my heart knowing that that's how you felt about your dad, but you lost him. And I can't even imagine losing my dad, not even at this age, let alone at the age that you were at, which was 12. 12.

[00:10:45]>> Yeah. And I'm 28 and I'm still like, I don't want to lose my dad ever. So, I can only imagine the pain that you and your siblings would have went through at that time. And And speaking on that cuz you are the oldest sibling, how did you feel as the oldest sister and how do you think your siblings coped at that time with your dad's death?

[00:11:07]I honestly, we even to this day, I still believe that we all dealt with it differently Yeah. and felt it differently. Mhm. And especially my brother, Tama, you know, like he was 10 the following week. Like, it was a big birthday for him. He had some of his mates there with us. Like, my brother had My other brother, Mana, had some of his friends there with us, too. Mhm.

[00:11:31]Because we were also like Dad was also meant to be taking the boys fishing the next day to celebrate my brother's birthday.

[00:11:37]And so, I think in our own different ways, we had different things going on which impacted us Yeah.

[00:11:45]>> very differently. I not only age, and then my sister Mahi wasn't She had just left to Australia for basketball. So, she wasn't even in the country when this happened. And so, we all, I believe, dealt and felt it differently. Yes. But yeah, obviously I was the oldest, I was 12. My sister was 11.

[00:12:04]And my brother, he was nine turning 10 the following week. And then my youngest brother Mana, he was eight.

[00:12:13]So, different ages, different maturities. Yeah, different experiences.

[00:12:18]>> And even to this day, I still believe that we there are things that we probably haven't even shared on how we experienced that that time of our lives. Yeah, but no that it was it was really impactful, as you can imagine.

[00:12:33]Especially for my brothers, like growing up without a dad, for example, which is huge for young boys. So, yeah, I think part of that guilt as well for me as the oldest is that I I that ate me up for years as I grew older uh was the fact that now my siblings aren't growing up without a dad.

[00:12:59]And I felt so responsible for that. Wow.

[00:13:02]>> Because one, I felt like we were in that place because of me. Because I'd asked to go to that concert. Yeah. And then just how I treated him, you know? And so, yeah, I really carried that for years.

[00:13:17]Like, my my siblings don't have a dad because of me. Mhm. And so, so Okay. And so, yeah, that was something that really ate me up, and really affected me.

[00:13:30]And so and became a huge open door for the enemy in my life.

[00:13:35]>> Mhm. So, yeah, that was a big big uh moment for me, and like I said at the start, it was probably the beginning of the end, as I as I would call it. Yes.

[00:13:45]>> Or so the enemy thought. Yeah. So he thought.

[00:13:49]However Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But God. Yeah, but God. Amen. And I totally get what you're saying, and there's a lot of scripture in the Bible that talks about honoring our parents. And I think as we get older, the more we realize how true that is, and how much we do need to honor our parents, cuz as teenagers, we take everything for granted, especially our parents.

[00:14:12]>> Yeah. Um so yeah, that is that is such a That's a heavy topic. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:14:21]>> And I can see how that would have affected each and every one of you so differently, cuz at those ages, your feelings are still developing too, right? Being a child, and then coming to you as the oldest at 12 years old, that's like prime sprouting time.

[00:14:40]>> [laughter] >> Yeah, when you're growing, and you're experiencing new things, and you've got this little attitude, and you think you can take on the world, and that's when you're least likely to be the closest to your parents at that age, cuz you're trying to look for that independence. So from that point where did all of that grief and all of that guilt take you from there? What did that look like going into the future years after your dad's passing?

[00:15:06]I think like what I said before the guilt was there from the get-go.

[00:15:11]>> Mhm. But I really started to grieve him more than the older I got.

[00:15:16]>> Yeah. The the older I got, the more I realized he missed and would miss Mhm. in our lives and I found myself so often be like, man, I wish Dad was here. Like I wish my life our lives would be so different if Dad was here.

[00:15:32]And in fact we we actually shared that a lot as siblings. Like man, our lives would be so different if Dad was here.

[00:15:39]And so the older I got the more his absence really hit me. His absence hit me.

[00:15:45]And what that did was well, like we've talked about going through teenage hood, this loss of my dad and then I got into a relationship Right. in high school that wasn't good for me either.

[00:16:00]And so it started the spiral of having really really bad mental health issues.

[00:16:08]I started self-harming in year 10.

[00:16:11]So I was 13 I had just turned 14. Right. And there was this I guess a social media site called Tumblr.

[00:16:20]Remember Tumblr?

[00:16:21]>> [laughter] >> I remember.

[00:16:23]I found myself on Tumblr cuz that's what everyone was doing at the time and it was there actually that I saw people harming themselves. Right.

[00:16:32]>> Like slitting their wrists and stuff like that.

[00:16:34]>> Oh wow. I was like maybe this is what people who feel the way I feel do. Yeah.

[00:16:41]>> Maybe this is so I gave it a go. Maybe it's normal. And so I gave it a go and man that absolutely wrecked me.

[00:16:54]And that's why today also I'm so big on protecting our eye gates and our ear gates.

[00:17:02]>> Amen. Because I have experienced the impact those things have on our lives and what we let into our lives, what we let into our eyes and through our ears. I've experienced had how big that impact is in a negative way. Mhm. And so I began self-harming because this is what I saw people who were going through things like me doing, and so I thought that was normal. Yeah.

[00:17:27]>> And what was also shown on there was it was something to hide as well. So I also didn't talk about it. Yeah. And it took me a long time actually to talk about it.

[00:17:38]But [snorts] at the same time I was also a sports person, so it was also quite hard to hide. Mhm. But what I would do I would do certain things so that you wouldn't actually see it, like wrap it up and whatever. I won't go into that.

[00:17:48]But yeah, you know, because the Bible talks about in Matthew, Jesus says the eye is the lamp of our body. Mhm. And if your eye is good, your whole body will be good. Yeah. But if your eye is bad, Mhm.

[00:18:02]>> your whole body will be in darkness.

[00:18:03]>> Mhm. And that's what happened to me when I started looking at these things on social media and started allowing them to to influence my my heart and my mind, >> Yeah. my body became dark. Mhm.

[00:18:16]>> And so I started self-harming Yes.

[00:18:19]to a point where that actually became the relief Yeah.

[00:18:23]>> Yeah. When I was feeling all these things, going through life like not even wanting to be here, I'd do that and it became a relief for me. Mhm. So if I could just focus on that pain, then it would take away the pain that I'm actually feeling. Yeah. But of course when these sorts of things happen, uh they can grow. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Your body can become darker and darker the more darkness you allow in through your eyes and through your ears, >> Yeah. as the Bible says, and that's exactly what happened to me. Yeah. So I went from self-harming to being severely suicidal.

[00:18:56]And there were other things that like played into that as well, so the grief, uh the loss of my dad, the guilt, the relationship I was in, and what I was going through in that. But then also in that year 10 year, my basketball team was in a car accident. No way. And so and I was the only one that had this really significant head injury in that car accident. Yeah. What are the chances of that happening? Like all of those things unfolding. And you're so right, everything that you let into your ear and your eye gates they go straight into your mind whether it's consciously or not. And every thought that you have consciously or subconsciously it all manifests physically, right? So whatever you believe whatever you're filling your mind with is what will pour out. So from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks too, right? Yeah. That's exactly it.

[00:19:48]That's Yeah, that's crazy. And so can you walk us through that cuz that is insane that your basketball team was in a car accident. What happened there? It was a winter morning and we're heading up to Auckland for a basketball tournament. And you know, interestingly my sister and I weren't even meant to be in the van. We were meant to be with my mom who was coming in the in her car behind behind us.

[00:20:10]>> But being the stubborn teenagers we were we were like, "We're not going with mom.

[00:20:14]Like we're going to go with our team."

[00:20:16]It's lame. You're lame and boring.

[00:20:20]>> [laughter] >> So we we jumped [clears throat] in the van and which mean our coach, bless her, she is 96 now. Oh, wow.

[00:20:28]>> So she is doing great.

[00:20:29]So that mean Mrs. Lee, the most wonderful person in the world, went with my mom. Okay. And the referee we were taking with us also went with my mom so that my sister [clears throat] and I could go in the van.

[00:20:40]And so we're going in the van and we hit this really icy spot which is a common and actually a couple of weeks prior there was also another car accident in that same place where somebody died. And so we we hit this patch of ice and I don't remember what happens next. The next thing I remember is waking up on the road. Oh my goodness.

[00:21:02]>> And what happened there was we spun out, hit the bank, and my my poor sister and teammates so they saw me at the back cuz I was at the back of the van.

[00:21:12]>> Yes.

[00:21:13]No, the cool kids are at the back.

[00:21:15]>> [laughter] >> No, absolutely not. The cool kids but at the back of the van and my eyes were open like my head was dangling, blood was coming out of my you know my ears and so all what my sister said is she they thought I was dead. Mhm. But what they did next is they dragged me out of the van my teammates and my sister and pulled me off the road so that we would be at least off the road. Wow. But you know, this is where God is so so good because well, actually before that and then my mom comes around the corner cuz she had slowed down because she knew that it was icy and we should be going slower. Yeah. She comes around the corner, immediately she's just in shock.

[00:21:56]She's >> Yeah, I bet. running on these icy roads with your little high heels cuz she always wore high heels.

[00:22:01]>> [laughter] >> Oh, bless.

[00:22:03]And she's like, what? Anyway Probably [clears throat] looked fabulous though >> [laughter] >> actually knowing her.

[00:22:10]She laughs at herself looking back at it now. She's like, oh my gosh. I'm like, you're you're [laughter] an icon as well.

[00:22:15]Everyone knew you wore high heels at the time.

[00:22:18]But anyway, [laughter] she comes running over and if this is going back to this is where God is so so good and whenever I look at these sorts of moments in my life, I can see the hand of God on my life and his faithfulness to my mom because I wasn't being faithful to him at all.

[00:22:33]>> Yeah. But my mom was a praying mom and he was so faithful to her and to me and so we had this car accident and then the next car that comes along Mhm. has a nurse in it. Mhm. And then the car after that that comes along has a doctor and a nurse in it.

[00:22:49]>> No way. And then the third car that comes in the opposite direction has another nurse in it. Yeah. So before the ambulance even got to us way out in the wops or way out in like the middle of nowhere Mhm. we had a two nurses and and Yeah.

[00:23:01]>> on site with us. Yeah. Which I'm like, that is God. Yeah.

[00:23:05]>> That can only be God. 100%.

[00:23:08]>> Like, right? Yeah. Even thinking about it now, I'm like, man, the enemy tried to take us out, but God was like, I got you. Yeah.

[00:23:16]>> Like, I've got a nurse, I've got three nurses and a doctor. Yeah.

[00:23:19]>> Right there. 100%. And you think about that scripture in Jeremiah when he talks about when we're in the womb. Like, he knows us from that point onwards. He knew us before he even formed us in our mothers' wombs. And he painted the whole journey from that point onwards. So, it's crazy to think how far into your life it stems in terms of he literally planned that whole thing for it to unfold that way where there would be nurses and doctors there cuz you were never meant to leave this earth at that time. And God was like, I need you here, boy, cuz you're going to be great. I see greatness in you.

[00:23:54]And you've got to start Girls' Getaway Gospel the podcast and the group.

[00:23:57][laughter] And yeah, that's so crazy. Yeah. Well, and I don't think necessarily that God like planned for that, right? But he obviously knows all things at all times.

[00:24:07]>> Yeah. And so what the enemy means for evil, God will turn for good. And so although that day my life was almost taken from me, God was like, no. Yeah.

[00:24:16]>> Not on my watch. And I truly believe that's because I had a praying mom.

[00:24:19]Yeah. And so for moms listening to this, man, just pray for your children. Mhm.

[00:24:24]>> Keep praying for your children no matter what they're going through, no matter how un-Christian-like they're being, just pray and believe the best for them.

[00:24:31]That's what my mom always said. You know, I asked her, like, "Mom, I'm so sorry." Like, when I first came back to us, I was like, "I'm so sorry for what I put you through, da da da da." I was like, "What do you What did you do?" And she's like, "I just prayed. I was on my knees at night praying for you children.

[00:24:47]And just reminding God that these are your children, not mine. So, you need to look after [laughter] them."

[00:24:53]Well, I love that so much. So, that is so good. [laughter] So, I truly believe like this was just another a moment of what reflecting on it. This was another moment where I can completely 100% see the hand of God on my life and his faithfulness to to me and my mom. Yeah.

[00:25:11]Amen to that. And yes, absolutely pray for your children. Yeah. That is so critical because your life is literally an answered prayer of your mom's. Yeah.

[00:25:21]And the fact that you've now come to Christ is a testament again an answered prayer of hers. Yeah. Cuz she would have been praying for your salvation as she would have for all of your siblings.

[00:25:32]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:25:32]>> So that's Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah.

[00:25:35]So this happened and then I got I was in hospital obviously with the head injury and whatnot, but that that actually fundamentally altered my mind as well. Right. Cuz peop- people who have been through really traumatic head injuries understand that you are not yourself.

[00:25:51]Some people don't even go back to being themselves.

[00:25:55]And I was put on this medication as well that at the time I didn't know, but when I became an adult I looked at the medication I was on and actually one of the side effects of the medication they put me on for my head was suicidal thoughts. Oh, wow. So yeah. I was like what? Because obviously during that time and after that having my mind altered from this head injury Yeah. I became so irritable, so angry, so not myself on top of everything else that we've just talked about.

[00:26:26]>> Yes. I became someone I didn't even recognize.

[00:26:30]And I became a a hurt person who hurt people. Right. And a hurt person who hurt myself. Yeah. And so I got to this point in my life where I just didn't even want to live anymore. I was so over living.

[00:26:43]I just wanted like in my own heart I just wanted to go and be with my dad.

[00:26:47]Yeah. Because that was just way better than what I was going through. Mhm. And so I did. I three times I attempted to end my life.

[00:26:55]Right. And the third time I actually was almost successful in that.

[00:27:01]And when I when I went to the hospital cuz I ended up in hospital.

[00:27:09]>> Yeah. The the lady was like, "It's a miracle you're alive."

[00:27:13]Wow.

[00:27:13]>> Because what I didn't know that night before, which is when I was in my great like just going through it and in my mind I didn't want to live anymore.

[00:27:22]I took a whole tub of those pills that I was on for my head injury.

[00:27:29]>> And so I took that knowing what I wanted to do. Yeah. But by the grace of God I woke up the next morning.

[00:27:36]Mhm. And this is another one of those moments where I look back and I'm like, "Thank you, Lord." Yeah. Thank you. Mhm.

[00:27:43]>> Because your hand was on me.

[00:27:45]And I woke up that next morning.

[00:27:48]Even though at the time I was really disapp- pointed. Yeah. But now looking back and I'm like, "Thank you." Yeah. And so even the doctor in the hospital was like, "It's a miracle you're alive." Because what happened that night is I actually had a stroke in my sleep. Oh, wow.

[00:28:00]>> I woke up I Yeah, my whole left side was gone. I couldn't do anything. Right. And so yeah, ended up in hospital. They told me I'd had a stroke. Mhm. And that it was a miracle I was even alive.

[00:28:13]So yeah, so this it was a it was this crazy time for me of being going through all these different emotions and having such terrible mental health. Yeah. Uh But you know what actually kept me going, I believe as well, after especially after that moment. Mhm. My mom had a rule that we just turned up to church.

[00:28:39]She didn't care if we'd been out the night before. In fact, she had a rule >> [laughter] >> that if we or our friends went out the night before on a Saturday and they stayed at our house even they had to come to church the next day and so I love it.

[00:28:54]we would be sitting there in church with our our sunnies on you know hungover with our maker's bags and every time in worship without doubt I would be there bawling my eyes crying.

[00:29:06]Mhm. Every time I went to church and in worship especially I could just feel the love of God and it was in those moments where I really learn God as my comforter. Right. Because he was. Yes.

[00:29:18]So when I'd be at church no matter whether I was hungover whether I'd just been self-harming the night before no matter what it was I knew I'd sit in church and I would feel the love of God. I would feel the love of the father and the comfort of the Holy Spirit. And then I'd leave and then just go back to my own ways. Yeah. But I truly believe that just being in church was something that really also just kept me in it. Yeah. Because I felt that love and I felt that comfort and so >> Yeah, I think it's that whole thing of when you're in and amongst God's word and and it's and it's kind of like a routine sort of thing for us right as that as soon as we're not in our word and not being intentional about spending time in God's word and we're out in the world >> Yeah. it's like we lose our way. Oh.

[00:30:11]Massively.

[00:30:11]>> Yeah. And if you're not reading the Bible you don't even know the truth. Yeah.

[00:30:16]>> And I'll yeah I learned that too. Yeah.

[00:30:19]Yeah. But yeah. Yeah, amen. So at the beginning you did touch a little bit on the topic of abortion.

[00:30:28]Can we dive into that that a little bit like what what was your experience with abortion?

[00:30:35]Yeah so as we've already set up uh uh, not mentally stable Yeah. Was in a relationship.

[00:30:44]>> Yeah.

[00:30:45]A very toxic relationship. Uh, on both sides, you know? I was in a I was experiencing it and I was also, like I said, a hurt person hurting people.

[00:30:53]Yeah. So, it was this very toxic on-and-off relationship and I was year 13.

[00:30:59]Head girl. Right. And Last year of high school.

[00:31:02]>> of high school. Yeah, head girl. So, I was meant to be this great role model for the girls at the school and I fell pregnant. Wow. And I remember thinking, "Oh my goodness."

[00:31:14]I was like, "What do I do?"

[00:31:16]Like, I knew I was like, "I've got this baby, right?" Yeah. But, at the time I didn't think of it as a baby as such because we hadn't been taught that.

[00:31:23]Yeah.

[00:31:24]>> We'd just been taught, "Oh, it's a clump of cells." But, anyway, I knew that I was pregnant and I knew what would eventually come of this thing. Mhm. So, I went down to my mom and told her cuz despite everything, she always I always knew I could trust my mom. And I always knew I could talk to her about anything.

[00:31:39]And so, I went down and told her and she was like all the emotions you can imagine, but she was like "We'll we'll we'll work this out." Yeah.

[00:31:46]And I was like, "I don't know, Mom, because, you know, he doesn't he doesn't want this baby."

[00:31:52]All right. So, he said he didn't want it.

[00:31:54]>> Yeah. Yeah, so uh, and she was like, "No, like, we will work this out. We will find a way. Like, you cannot get an abortion. You you cannot That's my mokopuna." Oh, bless her.

[00:32:03]>> was saying to me and I was like, "Mom, I actually don't have a choice right now."

[00:32:06]Like, that's genuinely how I felt. Yeah.

[00:32:08]>> [snorts] >> And so, I went and and got an abortion and my mom knew about it.

[00:32:14]And she loved me anyway. She didn't agree and she made that very clear that she didn't agree with my decision, but she will always love me. Mhm. And so What a reflection of Jesus' character.

[00:32:26]Yeah. To love you through it anyway.

[00:32:28]Wow, almost cried.

[00:32:29]>> [laughter] >> I know. [snorts] And so, and I And even that was huge for me.

[00:32:34]>> Yeah. Because I knew that >> God bless.

[00:32:36]>> even though I had done something that she really didn't agree with and didn't want to happen, that she still loved me and that I still have my mother's love. Yeah. And so, yeah, I went and I went and I did this and then that added another layer of guilt and shame and regret in my life. Wow.

[00:33:05]And I often think about it now because when you're going through these things, it is like New Zealand has the worst abortion laws in the world.

[00:33:14]>> Mhm. In New Zealand, we can get abortions up to full term.

[00:33:20]That was as of 2020, the Labour government. Yeah. And so, we have the worst abortion laws in the world, but my heart is that would actually stop would actually change the way we see babies in the womb. Amen. Because at the moment, you know, we we're taught or teenagers are taught that oh, it's just a clump of cells.

[00:33:40]It's a fetus. Yeah. At this point it it's an embryo until this point it's a fetus till this point, whatever it is.

[00:33:47]But actually from conception, that is a baby in your womb. Yeah.

[00:33:53]And nothing science tries to change can change that because that's what the word of God says. You've even touched on it today, Tayshaun, you've seen, you know, the word of God says that he formed us in our mother's womb. He knew us before he even placed us there. Mhm. And so, my heart is that we would actually start to see a change in society around the way that we see babies in the womb.

[00:34:14]Yeah. And that we'd start to see them as babies. Yeah. Because that's what they are. Yeah. And you know, a common thing that we also hear around this topic is well, it's my body, my choice.

[00:34:25]>> Yeah.

[00:34:26]But actually Yeah.

[00:34:27]>> And you know, that is that is something I am I shamefully used to believe as well. And so, when I try to justify it to myself, I was like, well, well, it's my body. Yeah. Like I I even though I didn't really choose, I still get to choose.

[00:34:40]>> Yeah.

[00:34:41]But actually that is so far from the truth.

[00:34:43]>> Yeah. I believe that is a lie from the pit of hell. Mhm. Because it is not our body. Yeah.

[00:34:50]It is another person's body.

[00:34:53]And you know, when I was lying on the operating table, it wasn't my body that was getting ripped out from me. Yeah.

[00:34:58]>> It wasn't my body.

[00:35:00]And you know, when when we when we're 8 weeks pregnant, Yeah.

[00:35:04]>> we go to a scan and how do they call they call it, you know, we'll make sure it's a viable pregnancy. Mhm. And how do they do that? By checking this heartbeat. Yeah.

[00:35:14]And so why is stopping a heartbeat in the womb any different to stopping a heartbeat outside the womb, right?

[00:35:20]>> Amen. Like what do we call it when someone stops a heartbeat outside the womb? Murder.

[00:35:26]Murder. Yeah. So why isn't the womb any different? Mhm. And I really I can I can sit here now and talk to these things as someone who has been through this. Yeah. And also as someone who has compassion for women Yeah.

[00:35:40]>> going through these things because it's not an easy thing to go through. Yeah.

[00:35:44]But it also it shouldn't be something that we go through either. Yeah.

[00:35:48]>> know what I mean?

[00:35:49]>> Yeah, 100%. It's it's so sad the society that we live in today.

[00:35:57]Yeah.

[00:35:57]>> Where it's so normalized. Yeah, abortion is so normalized. Why why is that taught to girls? And why is contraception such a a big thing to teach people? And why is abortion just so normal in society when it's not? It is absolutely not.

[00:36:14]>> It's not. As soon as anything I don't know anything on this earth that has a heartbeat that isn't living. Yeah.

[00:36:21]So if anyone ever tries to tell me that a fetus isn't living, Mhm.

[00:36:27]it's It has a heartbeat.

[00:36:29]>> Yeah. How can you say it's not living?

[00:36:31]And how can you say that aborting a child at whatever whatever part it's in 8 weeks or 38 weeks it's living. It's still a baby. Yeah.

[00:36:42]It's still a child. Yeah. And you know, the saddest thing is is that in New Zealand as well, the number one reason people get abortion women get abortion in our country is because they're not ready. Yes.

[00:36:56]And that really breaks my heart. I'm I was one of those people. Yeah. But consistently year after year, cuz I read the abortion reports Yeah. that come out every year and year after year that is the constant by far the number one reason women are getting abortions in our country is because they're not ready. Yeah.

[00:37:14]>> And to me there's such a simple solution to that. Yes. One is what God says to save ourselves to marriage. Mhm. Do not have sex till marriage. Mhm. And that is the safest way to ensure that you're not getting pregnant.

[00:37:30]But if that's not something that you believe in or you you want to do, then there's contraception options. You know, there's so many things out there to prevent this happening. Yeah.

[00:37:42]But it's also sad that it's become so normalized that when someone does get pregnant, it's just like, oh well, I think I'm just going to get an abortion.

[00:37:50]Yeah.

[00:37:50]>> It's just so it's talked about so lightly when it's actually a huge huge thing. Yeah, 100% and I think if women aren't going to take either of those options, it's expecting. Well, yes.

[00:38:05]>> [laughter] >> Yes. Man, it takes two to tango, people.

[00:38:10]This isn't a one-man party.

[00:38:11]>> [laughter] >> One of the funniest things one of my health teachers did in high school was she pulled out this condom and put it on her head >> [laughter] >> and was like, if a man or a boy ever tells you that they're whatever their thing is too big for a condom, they are lying. And she said this with a condom >> [laughter] >> And I just think that's great.

[00:38:36]>> [laughter] >> Sorry, this is sort of a side note, but I just think that's great.

[00:38:40]>> [laughter] >> She's like, they are lying. And she's got this condom on her head. But yeah, so sorry. No, no, you're absolutely fine. That's That's honestly, I think a lot of what you said will also give women hope in that area. But to touch on that, is there anything in particular because it is something that you have experienced in your life and been through and now been able to reflect on?

[00:39:04]What is something that you can give to women or a piece of advice on that topic who might be going through the same thing?

[00:39:13]Yeah, if if if there's anyone going through or thinking about this decision, I would say find there's so many great places like Pregnancy Choice and Te Ranga and so many churches that will support you. If you are feeling unsupported and like you can't do this or maybe you've got an abusive partner, whatever it is, there actually people and organizations out there that want to support you. That have the means to support you through this journey.

[00:39:42]And for some people they'll say, "Well, why should I put my body through that?"

[00:39:45]Well, actually like we've already established, there's another body inside you.

[00:39:49]And so we need to protect that body. We need to protect that person at all costs. And so if there's anyone thinking about that, yeah, I would highly encourage you to go and find out find those organizations and and reach out to them.

[00:40:03]But likewise, because there's so many women who have been through this, if you're not in Christ, I just want you to know that Jesus still loves you.

[00:40:12]And like if if if he can accept me and forgive me for my sin, he can forgive you. Mhm. Do you know what I mean? Like there is no sin too great, too mighty that the blood of Jesus will not cover.

[00:40:27]Yeah, amen.

[00:40:28]>> And I wish that I had listened to my mom sooner about this and had just come back to Jesus because often we feel that when we sin, we try and hide from God as if he can't see us, right? As if he doesn't already know.

[00:40:41]>> [laughter] >> Yeah.

[00:40:42]>> we we put a wedge in between ourselves and God and ourselves and Jesus when we're in these places when actually the place we need to be is at the feet of Jesus. Yeah, amen. And if if you're not in Christ, I just want to encourage you go to a church, talk to someone who you know that goes to church Mhm. and find Jesus because I I know that there's so much guilt, so much shame, so much pain, so much regret that comes with this decision, but you don't need to live in that. You don't need to live in those things. Those things are of the enemy.

[00:41:13]Mhm.

[00:41:13]>> Those things are of the kingdom of darkness and there is hope out there for you. There is hope out there and his name is Jesus. Mhm. And when you come to Jesus and lay these things at his feet, he will absolutely transform your life.

[00:41:26]Yeah.

[00:41:26]>> And he did that for me. And it wasn't straight away because I tried to hide hold on to the I was one of those people that even when I came back to Christ, I felt like he couldn't forgive something like that. Yeah. And so I held on to it.

[00:41:40]I remember one time in worship, he I was just brought to my knees crying like and I just came in true repentance for this sin that I had committed. I repented. I I apologized for for going through with an abortion. Mhm.

[00:41:58]Uh and and in that moment, I was like I felt physically chains had been broken.

[00:42:05]Mhm.

[00:42:06]I felt free.

[00:42:08]Immediately the the bondage I was in, the grips that the enemy had on my life Mhm. in this in this area had completely disappeared. And I knew in that moment that I had been forgiven from the Father because that's the God we serve. He is a faithful, merciful, gracious, forgiving God.

[00:42:26]>> Yeah. If only we would come to him. Mhm.

[00:42:28]And and ask for that forgiveness. Yes. And repent. Yeah.

[00:42:33]>> forgive. Yeah.

[00:42:35]>> And so yeah, if if if there is anyone who has been through this and they're they are feeling these things, find Jesus. Amen.

[00:42:44]>> You can even call out to him.

[00:42:46]Do you know what I mean? Like from your bedroom, you can call out to Jesus and he will meet you where you are. Yes.

[00:42:52]>> Yeah. I love that. I love how you said that he will meet you where you are and that's literally anywhere. Yeah. Any place you might feel you're not worthy Mhm. and that Jesus doesn't love you, it's just all thoughts of the enemy.

[00:43:06]It's not true.

[00:43:07]>> Yeah.

[00:43:07]It is so not true and I love that I love what you talked about just then about um just that ability of Jesus to restore us and heal us and I think one of the biggest things that I heard in everything that you said is that Jesus can give new life. Absolutely.

[00:43:26]>> that and that's exactly where the turning point is for a lot of people who walk with Christ is that is that new life you feel like everything like you just just like walking on clouds. Yeah.

[00:43:38]Like every worry that you've ever had Jesus can heal. Yeah.

[00:43:43]Every single one. It doesn't matter what it is. Yeah. And it's just about getting to the root of that and so >> [snorts] >> my question is stepping into that new life in your in your new walk with Christ that you just touched on, where was the turning point for you?

[00:44:02]Yeah, so it's great question. So, for 10 years of my life was consumed by mental health issues essentially. All the things that we've just talked about.

[00:44:12]>> Yes. And then I became a binge drinker as well on top of that. So Fabulous.

[00:44:17]>> of my life.

[00:44:18]>> [laughter] >> Exactly what we need, right? Not. But on top of that I became a binge drinker. So at the time that I truly called out to Jesus Mhm. and came to him I was an anxious, insecure binge drinker, recreational drug taker at festivals >> Right. uh man unstable. Like I could literally name it all. The only thing I wasn't at this point was suicidal and self-harming because I'd already said to the Lord like you need to help me with this Yes.

[00:44:52]Yes.

[00:44:53]So in 2018 I I got baptized again.

[00:44:57]I came back to the Lord and I was like and got baptized. Immediately I felt different. I was like this is great.

[00:45:03]>> Right. My mom gifted me a Bible and then I went away feeling like you just said on clouds. I felt different. Yeah.

[00:45:11]>> But what I didn't do is I didn't pick up that Bible my mom gave me.

[00:45:15]>> Mhm. And so what happened is is that although I had been saved, my soul was secure, I was going to heaven Mhm.

[00:45:24]my spirit was saved, I didn't pick up the word of God.

[00:45:27]>> Mhm. So you know in Romans it says be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And that comes through reading the word of God.

[00:45:37]>> Amen.

[00:45:37]>> And so I didn't do that. Mhm. And often I feel like that isn't actually talked about enough.

[00:45:44]>> Mhm.

[00:45:45]Is that actually yes, when you come to Jesus you are saved, there's no doubt about that.

[00:45:49]>> Yes. You are you know the old you is dead and gone. Yes. But you still have to pick up the word of God. Because what reading the word of God enables you to build your own relationship with Jesus.

[00:46:00]>> Yes.

[00:46:01]And like we talked about before you know the truth. Mhm. The word of God is alive and living and sharper than any two-edged sword. Mhm. And so when you pick up the word of God, you're allowing the Holy Spirit to renew your mind.

[00:46:12]Yeah. And that's where the transformation comes.

[00:46:14]>> Yeah.

[00:46:15]>> So often people think that, "Oh, well, I've been baptized and I've given my life to Jesus. Now everything should be perfect."

[00:46:20]>> Yes. But in fact, a relationship with God, with Jesus, is that, a relationship. You got to work at it every single day. Absolutely. And so what I didn't do was I didn't pick up that word of God. And so slowly but surely, my mind kept choosing the things of the world.

[00:46:40]>> Mhm.

[00:46:41]>> Because I didn't know the things of God.

[00:46:43]>> Mhm. Because I wasn't reading it. Yeah.

[00:46:45]I would turn up to church and think that that was enough.

[00:46:48]But it actually wasn't. We have to be in the word ourselves. We have to be allowing God to renew our mind through his word, and we have to have our own relationship with Jesus. And that only comes through through reading the Bible. And so I I actually love Romans. There's so much in there, but >> So much. You know, a particular passage in Romans 6, I think it is, Romans 6:16, and Paul says, "We can either choose to obey sin Mhm.

[00:47:15]>> or we can choose to obey God."

[00:47:17]And whatever we choose, we become a slave to. Yes.

[00:47:22]>> And so I became a slave to sin. Mhm.

[00:47:25]>> Because that's what I would choose. Mhm.

[00:47:27]And so this was for a couple of years.

[00:47:29]And so naturally nothing changed, right?

[00:47:31]I was saved, but I was still a binge drinker. Mhm. I still went out to parties and festivals and concerts and and all these different things. I was still so insecure and riddled with anxiety. Mhm. Because I kept choosing the things of the world. Yeah. But in 2020, >> [laughter] >> over that COVID period, actually, Oh.

[00:47:53]when I heard our Prime Minister at the time say that she is the one source of truth, There was something in me that was just like, Oh.

[00:48:00]"Bless for me."

[00:48:01]>> Yeah. Absolutely not. [laughter] And if you know me, I can be very passionate about things, okay?

[00:48:07]>> [laughter] >> And this was one of those things. I was like, "How dare she say that she There's only one source of truth, and that is Jesus." And then immediately as I sit there, it's like the Holy Spirit was like, "Conviction." Mhm. It's like, "Yes, you you know that."

[00:48:23]But you haven't been in in the word of God. Right.

[00:48:26]>> And so, in that moment is when I actually decided, "Oh, you're right.

[00:48:30]Yeah. I need to go and read the Bible for myself." So, it actually took me 2 years from getting baptized to picking up my Bible. Wow. Which is absolutely wild.

[00:48:40]And so, >> [clears throat] >> it wasn't until I actually picked up my Bible and started reading the word for myself that I actually started to experience what Paul says around the renewal of my mind, the transformation of my mind. Mhm. And you know, this journey with Christ, it's not a one-time-and-done thing. You're not one and done. Like you said before, it's a relationship. Yeah.

[00:49:04]>> partnership.

[00:49:05]>> Mhm. And so, even even today, there's things that God is still pruning and working on me yet with. But when you're in Christ, the greatest blessing is that you're not doing it alone. Mhm. When you receive the Holy Spirit, you receive the helper, and he helps you.

[00:49:21]And he really does.

[00:49:21]>> Oh, he does. And so, yeah, it wasn't until I started reading the word of God that my life actually started to change.

[00:49:30]And I remember cuz we were living at my mom's house downstairs at the time, and I remember the first revelation I got, and I was like, >> [gasps] >> ran upstairs to my mom. I was like, "Mom, did you know that this is the Bible?"

[00:49:42]And she was like, "Yeah, that's great."

[00:49:43]You know, so encouraging. And so, it was that that actually, as I ate more of the word of God, I hungered more for it. Which is the interesting thing, right? About the word of God is the more that you eat, the more that you hunger for it. And that's the place that we need to be in.

[00:50:00]Continually. But also it's as I've learned over this time, cuz that was the turning point for me. And he has done so much transformation in my life, still doing things in my life. But what I've learned is that this journey with Christ, it's a sanctification journey.

[00:50:16]You know, in Luke he talks about taking up Jesus says, you know, if you Anyone who desires to follow after me must take up their cross and follow me. And so it's a daily thing.

[00:50:26]It's not a one and done. It's daily surrender. It's daily sanctification.

[00:50:31]It's when we mess up, because we will, because we're only human.

[00:50:34]It's coming back to the Lord, repenting of that. Saying sorry, Lord.

[00:50:39]I don't want to be like that anymore.

[00:50:40]Change Change my heart. Change my ways.

[00:50:43]Allow the Holy Spirit to renew your mind.

[00:50:47]I mean, that was so good.

[00:50:49]That [laughter] was beautiful.

[00:50:50]Absolutely loved that. No, that is that is really, really amazing just to hear how much God transformed you. Even even though you spoke about how you weren't in the word for those first 2 years, even how much he worked in you in such a short period of time from that 10 years of mental health struggles and trauma and addictions and that guilt. So from that point onwards into into where you are now, cuz I know we touched a little bit on COVID, how much has your life changed now in comparison to to where it was and and what does your life look like now?

[00:51:31]>> It is just not even comparable.

[00:51:33]Like the life that I have now in Jesus is a life that even like teenage me couldn't have even imagined. Teenage me didn't even imagine making it past your 16th birthday. And so for me every year is such a blessing because I'm reminded of that and every birthday is so special to me because I'm reminded of all that God has done all that Jesus has done in my life and delivered me from and that even when the enemy tried to take my life and when I tried to take my life you know that through the demonic influence Yeah. Um God was so faithful and here I am today and you know today I have a wonderful husband I have a beautiful daughter and a son on the way and You know God is just good. Yeah. It doesn't mean that every day is perfect but it means that even when it's not and even when things are hard I know I can go to him and I don't have to do things in in my own strength you know that's what he says.

[00:52:31]And in Philippians it says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And so that's always been a scripture that has really spoken to me in times where I think that actually I don't think I can do this I I feel so unworthy Lord I feel this is and that so actually you can do this but it's Christ who will strengthen you.

[00:52:53]Yeah. It's Christ who will give you the strength to do this even in motherhood.

[00:52:58]Motherhood [laughter] has been such a big learning for me and even becoming a wife was massive for me and just the work the Lord has done in my heart so yeah when I look back at my life I don't even recognize who that person was. Wow. And that's the whole point right? Yeah. When we come to Jesus when we're baptized in those waters the old me is gone the new me is risen we are new creations in Christ. Amen. Uh and I truly feel that believe that and can see the fruit of that in my life. Yeah hallelujah absolutely love that. And we're coming close to the end of the episode now and so I guess just to wrap things up what is a piece of advice that you would give to people out there who may be listening or potentially looking at beginning their walk with Christ or new believers.

[00:53:55]What is one piece of advice that you can give to them today?

[00:53:58]>> goodness, just one?

[00:54:00]Or [laughter] or many.

[00:54:03]My biggest one, especially if you're not a believer yet, is to find someone who is in your life or that you know of. Yeah. And ask to go to church with them. Great advice.

[00:54:17]>> A spirit-filled church.

[00:54:19]Uh Freedom Centre is a great one.

[00:54:21]>> [laughter] >> And Totara >> [gasps] >> I can vouch for that.

[00:54:26]Uh but there are many churches out there across the country that are so spirit-filled and so that would be my first advice if you're a non-believer.

[00:54:34]But also if you're a non-believer, just to know that even though you might not love Jesus this year, he loves you already and he showed his love for you because he died on the cross for you. Yeah.

[00:54:46]>> And so even though you might not love him and know him yet, he knows you and he loves you and he will accept you where you are.

[00:54:52]And he he accepted me where I was and I was a I was a rebellious to his word. I grew up Christian. I grew up in the church. Yet he still forgave and accepted me despite all my shortcomings.

[00:55:03]And so yeah, those would be two of my my main ones for for the unbeliever. And for those of us who are in Christ, my biggest biggest piece of advice is to read the word of God. Amen.

[00:55:18]>> You cannot rely on turning up to church on a Sunday and expecting to have a relationship with Jesus. You cannot rely on your parents' faith. Oh my goodness, I did that.

[00:55:28]I'm so embarrassed. I had to repent because I'd be at parties saying, "I'm a Christian."

[00:55:33]while I'm drunk. "I'm a Christian. I love Jesus." No, I was not a Christian.

[00:55:38]I did not love Jesus. My mom loved Jesus. My mom was a Christian. We cannot tell code on our parents' faith. And so, we Yeah, we have to read the word of God, build our own relationship with the word with Jesus.

[00:55:51]And the the the other key point for that for the believers are as well as you have to be in community. You have to like church is so important.

[00:56:04]It's not out of like religion, but just out of this is what God said. He wants his saints. He wants his people to be together.

[00:56:12]The body of Christ is meant to commute like do community, do life together. And you find that in church. You find that through people who have that in common with you as well. So, yeah, for the believer it'd be read the word of God, under build your relationship with Jesus, and and go to church.

[00:56:31]Pretty simple things, but they have such a huge impact on the quality of your life cuz God says he wants us to live life and live it abundantly.

[00:56:40]And so, how do we do that? We do that by uh by being obedient to his word. The only way that we're obedient to his word is if we know his word.

[00:56:51]So, Those who can be trusted with little can also Well, it's it's I think it's kind of like one of those things where he's it's kind of like a test, right?

[00:57:03]He's he's testing us to see if I give you little, I'm going to watch what you do with it.

[00:57:10]And if you can manifest that into or something greater, then you can be trusted with that, but then he can then trust you with more.

[00:57:19]If he can trust you with little, then he can trust you with more. So, it kind of it's kind of like a full circle thing, right?

[00:57:26]And he's so great that way and that he he will see what we are capable of cuz he knows what we're capable of already, each and every one of us. And I think every single one of us God knows and he's intended for us to be destined for greatness. And like you say, live in abundance and prosperity. And when we say abundance, we don't just mean money, guys.

[00:57:46]>> [laughter] >> It's joy, it's happiness, it's peace.

[00:57:51]For some For someone like me who suffered with anxiety for so many years, peace is so big. Do you know what I mean? Like Yeah, so it's not just financial too, you know.

[00:58:01]>> [laughter] >> You can't even put a monetary value on those things that you just said. Peace specifically. Like well, peace in your own mind, peace in your life, >> [snorts] >> peace in your relationships with your husband, with your family, with your children.

[00:58:17]Yeah, it's it's just insane how much God can can touch your life, so is there anything that you would like to add before we close out the episode? I feel like you've shared so many great things today and your advice that you've given. Like you say, very simple, but so powerful, so impactful. Is there any last things you would like to to add?

[00:58:39]No, I think I I've done a lot of talking already, so >> [laughter] >> I'm really conscious of that, but no, just the advice that I that I said and yeah, no, that's that's pretty much it.

[00:58:51]I I think I've said enough. No, [laughter] you've said you've said enough.

[00:58:54]>> a whole 'nother tangent, I think, if I keep talking, cuz I can talk. I'm a yapper, so Me too.

[00:58:59]>> [laughter] >> Yeah. No, that's perfect. Well, thank you so much for just being so bold and courageous to share your testimony, because those topics that you spoke on today are heavy. I was almost in tears and you'll be able to see on the cameras, I was tearing up.

[00:59:18]And I was like, don't cry, don't cry, but I just I could feel all of your emotion when you were speaking about all of those things and and how God came in and in hindsight looking back, right? The power of God is He has healed me. incredible. Absolutely healed me of all those things that I spoke about, the guilt, the shame, the regret, the the insecurity, the anxiety, like he is completely healed me.

[00:59:46]Yeah. Sorry, I I will just add one more thing today.

[00:59:48]>> Absolutely, go for it.

[00:59:50]>> I know I said I said this is what I said, oh no. But you know, it took surrendering those things to him as well. So he cannot heal us from things that we are not willing to lay down at his feet.

[01:00:02]And I learned that the hard way. Yeah.

[01:00:04]By when I came to Christ, I still held on to like I said the the guilt, the shame from the abortion. I still held on to anxiety because I thought that was who I was.

[01:00:14]I thought that I was just an anxious person. Right. And so I held on to those things until I really actually understood, no, those things are not of God. And so I had to learn to surrender things and I'm still having to surrender things to the Lord that aren't of him so that he can heal me, so that he can transform my mind, so that he can renew my mind and transform my life. So yeah. Yeah, and that's the power of being in your word and knowing God's character. Yes, and knowing who you are in him.

[01:00:44]Identity is such a big thing, but a whole another episode in itself.

[01:00:49]>> [laughter] >> Absolutely. Well, thank you so much again for just being so courageous and sharing all of these topics today. I know that so many of these things will be helpful to other people out there who may be facing the same things. All the things that you've talked about today have hit me personally as well. So thank you for sharing. Thank you for listening and for having me.

[01:01:12]Absolutely, I'm so grateful. So that is the end of our episode today, everyone.

[01:01:17]I hope you enjoyed. I hope any one of these things um, spoke some hope into you. Um, I I know that one of these things will be related relatable to someone out there and so I pray that it's just planted a seed of hope in your heart. Um, and yeah. Thanks for listening. Thank you for listening. See you next time.

[01:01:40]>> [laughter] >> Bye.

[01:01:41]Bye.