Paul Hedderman Non Duality. May 26, 2026

Added: 2026-05-28

[00:00:12]Michael, you do you running it today?

[00:00:14]>> I'm here, Paul. I am >> ready when you are.

[00:00:20]>> Yeah. I'm sorry. I was a little late.

[00:00:21]Hey, uh I wanted to try something uh from today when we did the recovery meeting.

[00:00:30]All right, >> sounds great. Let's go.

[00:00:32]>> Okay. Well, nice to see everybody. Sorry I was late.

[00:00:37]Uh, so I'm just going to if you're not familiar in in recovery in the AA way, there's a book and in that book they have a text and then they have stories.

[00:00:52]The text is like the first 164 pages and that's like the uh program and then there's the stories to support uh trying the program really. So today we are reading something starts like this. It's uh just follow it if you can a little while. So here this is very interesting. So the first requirement so if you're following it in the book it's page 60 the bottom of it says the first requirement is that we be uh convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success.

[00:01:40]So this is why we use self the small s self the way we do it comes out of recovery program. Yeah, they're they're not talking people would say that they're talking about an ego, but I don't like the idea of the ego because there's a there's a sense that someone has an ego and I think that sense of being a someone is more important than the objectification of an ego. Yeah, just to throw my opinion in there. So here it's the first requirement is that we begin be convinced and to be convinced one definition is to believe with certainty and if you've gotten your ass kicked completely you'll probably end up believing with certainty. If you finally hear something yeah it's very it's a very convincing beatd down alcoholism.

[00:02:41]So the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. So they're not specifically targeting an alcoholic life. Any life that's run on self-will.

[00:02:57]And in in their in this view basically every life is run on self-will by some some level or another. Yes.

[00:03:08]uh that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success on that basis. What basis?

[00:03:16]On the basis of uh living as if you're a longlasting independent separate entity.

[00:03:24]Yeah. Living as if you're the doer of the doing, the thinker of the thinking, the feeler of the feelings. Yes.

[00:03:33]Yeah. On that basis, any life is hardly going to be a success.

[00:03:40]Here we go. Uh on that basis, we are almost always in collision with something or somebody because what's driving us can't see the road, so to speak. Yeah. So, it's always run running into [ __ ] things. Tons of unintended consequences.

[00:04:09]That's why they talk about in aa uh don't don't pray for yourself. You know, you can pray for others, but don't pray for yourself. You're going to probably it's not going to work. So, when the last thing you may want is what you want the way you want it. That may be the biggest mistake you can go for. So, uh, each person, now this is what I want to talk about today.

[00:04:40]Okay. So, they're going to be very clear right now.

[00:04:45]Each person is like an actor. Okay. So, they give you two things. Yeah. There's a person and then there's actor. And so, for a It only stays with this two. So AA is really a not one program. Yeah. It wants you to see you're not the actor but okay be a person. Yeah. So it's really a not one program where not non-duality is not two and it's not a program. So in the nonduality the actor and the person are both negated. Yeah. So the idea of a person that now projects another idea of a person called the actor were neither of those.

[00:05:41]I don't think this is wise to present it in recovery that much. Yeah. First you got to see some you're not one and then maybe you'll have a taste for non-duality if you hear of it. Yes.

[00:05:57]Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. Each person is like an actor.

[00:06:04]Let's just go with that. But we're saying the person is like an actor.

[00:06:11]So, we're going we're not going to add on like when it says each person is like an actor. We're not going to add on.

[00:06:19]We're going to go before the first person and say that's also an actor. So each person aka actor is like an actor.

[00:06:31]Yeah. Okay. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show is forever trying to arrange the lighting, the ballet, the scenery, and the rest of the players in his own way. When you're presenting recovery as a real solution, you're you're attempting to emphasize that there's a difference between the person and the actor. Yes.

[00:07:02]Yeah.

[00:07:04]So, and they're going to describe the actor, but when the person takes itself to be the actor, it thinks it's being described. Yeah. This is like the sheep and the lion thing. Yeah. So, unbeknownst to us, we're more actor than person, let's say, even though they're we're neither. And then the actor hears about the actor and it and it thinks it's a description of itself. Yeah. So, this is where people have trouble. They can't see the difference between the person and the actor.

[00:07:43]They believe the actor is the person.

[00:07:45]Yeah. So when so this actor seems to take over and now the actor is wants to run the whole show. So when you see something wanting to run the whole show, you usually say I'm trying to run the whole show.

[00:08:04]Yeah. There's no recognition that what's wanting to run the whole show is not you. There's just it just reinforces it's you. You don't want to be that you.

[00:08:15]Yeah. And that even strengthens it more.

[00:08:19]There's nothing like not wanting to be what you're not. It's very It makes you what you It makes you that much more stronger. Yeah. When you when you trying to deny something being you are that is not you, it makes it more you.

[00:08:40]Just this just saying. Yeah. So, so this actor wants to run the whole show. This actor is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet. I'm going to add the actor all the time.

[00:08:56]The scenery and the rest of the players in its own way. If his if the actor's arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as the actor wished, the show would be great. It's the idea of trickle down happiness.

[00:09:13]Yeah. If I'm happy, obviously everyone else will probably be happy.

[00:09:21]So, let me sell the plan. Yeah. This is going to trickle down and you'll be happy when obviously it doesn't work. So everybody including himself would be pleased. Life would be wonderful.

[00:09:40]In trying to make these arrangements, the actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. Well, this is trippy. Yeah.

[00:09:50]The actor may be kind, considerate, patient, generous, even modest and self-sacrificing.

[00:09:58]On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish, and dishonest.

[00:10:05]Yeah. But then here they make a little mistake, I feel. But I'm going to correct it if I can. But with mo but as with most actors, it is more likely to have sorted traits or varied traits.

[00:10:20]Yes. So when you have a black and white view and what you're not is the one that's always bad and what you are is the one that's good. That ain't it.

[00:10:30]Yeah.

[00:10:32]Yeah.

[00:10:34]So what usually happens so he's going to describe what happens in a life run by the actor. The show doesn't come off very well. Yeah. The actor begins to think life doesn't treat him right.

[00:10:55]Yeah. Now you could go something could go in many different ways when it saw that life wasn't treating you right. But what the actor does is he deci the actor decides to exert more himself more so more managing and controlling.

[00:11:12]He becomes on the next occasion still more demanding or gracious as the case may be. Still the play does not suit the actor. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault. This is begrudgingly admitting he may be at some fault. He is sure that other people were more to blame.

[00:11:37]So he's it's a grievous pot. Yes, you can see it in the world now. It's obvious. It's a grievance uh pot. You may begrudgingly admit you could be wrong in minor details, but it's really the other people that are screwing everything up.

[00:11:58]The actor becomes angry, indignant, and self-pittitying. Now he's just given up the like the good face, and it's [ __ ] it, man.

[00:12:08][ __ ] it. I resent the hell out of you.

[00:12:12]I've waited you to for you to come around. You're not coming around. [ __ ] you.

[00:12:21]He becomes angrate, indignant, and self-pitying.

[00:12:25]So, what is the actor's basic trouble?

[00:12:28]Pretty interesting. Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind?

[00:12:37]Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can rest satisfaction or you know grab satisfaction and happiness out of this world that he only manages well.

[00:12:49]Yep. Now if people here are in recovery, they have realized hopefully that this delusion that the actor it's part of the program of the actor uh that he can grab satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well.

[00:13:14]The actor never gets that's not true.

[00:13:19]the actor will keep doing that. Yeah.

[00:13:22]Now, this is a dilemma when you've given the actor a sense of personalness and choice and could come to a different conclusion and you run into this wall because you think you don't know it the quality of the actor. The actor is a program. Yeah. And it's de and it's running on a program.

[00:13:48]And you see the running of the program, but you don't see the running of the program. Yeah. You don't realize that it's not going to get over this delusion of when confronted with an, you know, a life that's unmanageable, it will just say, I got to manage better. It doesn't get it doesn't arrive at the pause it needs to arrive at for something to change.

[00:14:15]Yeah. The P A US S. It just runs right over it. So, and after a while you realize it's going to keep running right over it. If you're waiting for it to get it, it's not getting it. Yeah. So, here if is is is it not evident is this delusion. Is it not evident to all the rest of the actors? Yes, all of us. That these are the things he wants and do not and do not his actions make each of of the other actors wish to retaliate. So it becomes a competition. Yes. Just like when you're driving and someone makes a good move and gets ahead of you, you want to remake that move almost at the expense of life. Yeah.

[00:15:07]Rushing ahead to try to cut over.

[00:15:12]So, and on that not his actions make each of them want to retaliate some snatching all they can get out of the show. Yes.

[00:15:26]So everyone's out to get satisfaction through the same mechanism managing and control. Yeah. So he goes, is he not even in his best moments a product of a producer of confusion rather than harmony? Okay. So our actor is self-centered, egocentric.

[00:15:52]Yeah. So, we present this in recovery to see to have the quote unquote person get a sense they're not the actor. Yeah.

[00:16:04]Because if they're not the actor, there's tons of possibilities that are available if you're not the actor. If you continue to take yourself to be the actor, the possibilities shrink. Yeah. They shrink. Yeah.

[00:16:22]Taking yourself to be the actor, shrinking possibility. Taking yourself not to be the actor, expanding possibility. Yeah. What nonduality does is just takes another step back. That's all. This is a step back in recovery to get relief from the bondage of self.

[00:16:41]Yeah. And then there's another step back to get relief from the bondage of self.

[00:16:48]Because self is an observer is is what's observed and is what's observing. Yeah.

[00:16:55]Yeah. So the observed and the observer are both aspects of self. In no in aa we try to knock down one. Yeah. In non-duality it negates both. Yeah.

[00:17:10]It take in other words there's no one standing when the rug is pulled. In this rug being pulled, you're still standing in nonduality. When the rug's pulled, both of both of you, the actor and you go.

[00:17:30]Now, it's it's actually a welcome event when you've seen through the actor and you've gotten to the core of the actor, which is the first actor, the person.

[00:17:44]Yeah. It's it's like a welcome. And what happens a lot of times, and I'm hearing this, I was on YouTube for one reason, and then YouTube dropped something else off, and there was these two young people c talking about Neo Adita and how they got super disappointed.

[00:18:08]Yeah. because they like the sense of the actor getting knocked down, but when the person was still hanging around, it sort of sucked. Yeah. So, they figure I want to get back into the skin. Yeah.

[00:18:24]And so, but if they would have just sat a little longer, let's say, be still a little longer, they would have gotten to see the second part. Yeah.

[00:18:37]the person actor and then the person actor.

[00:18:42]One is the person's not the actor. The other is you're not either the person the actor or the person. Yeah. When you just get rid of the actor and they're still the person, it can suck just as much as the actor in a way because it is the actor. It's like a it's a positive negative of actor. Yeah. the person is the original actor that now has a has another actor called alcoholism or addiction or megalomaniac or supreme narcissist or something else. So on the on the mistake of the actor another mutated actor grows and then and it goes to such an extreme we need [ __ ] relief from it. And one of the great release from it is it's not you truly. Yeah.

[00:19:48]It's not you. That's the if you see that which has defeated you as not you, you can entertain a possibility that you can be free from it. The same thing with the person. Yeah. But it's not being applied to the person. So we're in a in a camp of not one which is we're not the a the actor but in non-duality actually it's just like first there is no mountain then there is a mountain. Yeah. The parable goes first there is a mountain and then there is no mountain then there's a mountain again. And because uh the inevitability of the mountain reappearing, you're super bummed out because you believe everything would be great if there wasn't a mountain.

[00:20:35]So we added a a statement in that little thing which is first there is no mountain. So we're starting at a different point. We're not starting at first there's a mountain and then wishing to have that mountain disappear or that we we uh you know there's they promised a beautiful valley on the other side so we want to get over the mountain whatever but inevitably the mountain keeps [ __ ] reappearing and it gets to be a drag. So the message would be throw first there is no mountain. So in this case the person aka the unknown actor and now the revealed actor they sort of there's a negation of both. Yes. Yes. And now there's an ability to to h enjoy the relief from the need to be relief because you're not trying to get relief as the person. Yeah. after trying to get relief from the actor, you're getting relief from the person. Yeah.

[00:21:41]And to me, I feel a lot of times the way non-duality is being uh presented, they're targeting something, but they're missing the bigger target. Yes. Because the simple meaning, which is an incredible activity, is not to Yeah. So, you're super clear. You're not the actor. But who's super clear they're not the actor? It's just another projection of the actor. Yeah.

[00:22:16]So, do you think you would have actor actor? No. The projection would be person actor. Yeah. So that they would look different. So this is a we did this today and I've learned not to jump to there is no person. I have learned that very clearly that in cir certain banners if the name of the meeting is has a certain name you don't go to the person you go to the actor. Yeah. With the hopes that there's a recognition that at least you're not that.

[00:22:53]Yeah.

[00:22:54]And then if there is a continuing irritability, restless, and discontent that you thought was going to be dismissed when you realize you weren't the actor, you'll see you're still an as not you, but what's dominating is still an aspect of the actor. Yeah. Because the actor breaks into two all the time.

[00:23:15]Yeah. Not two. It doesn't stay in oneness. It's always not two.

[00:23:22]So you if you knock down one of the pins and you don't knock down the other, you're never going to have a strike at the bowling alley. Yeah.

[00:23:32]Yeah.

[00:23:34]And then you bl you blame non-duality.

[00:23:38]But it's not non-duality obviously.

[00:23:41]Yeah. It just wasn't allowed to go farther, I feel, because the warnings about how the first actor will disguise itself by the revelation of the second actor.

[00:23:54]Yeah.

[00:23:55]And they'll they feel like the job's done after seeing the the second actor, but it's not producing what they felt they would h would be produced, which would have been a more stable ease and comfort. But if you stick with it and you go with the not too that ease and comfort is available. Yeah.

[00:24:18]Yeah.

[00:24:21]That's why I was moved to do it today because I'm uh everyone has opinions and now of course as and then when we're hearing people they're we're mostly hearing their opinion of something and I think uh opinions are what are not to be cherished in non-duality. Yes.

[00:24:51]Yes.

[00:24:53]So, yeah. So, I would like when I hear some people describe uh the non-duality, I I felt they got off the boat too fast in a sense. Yeah. They uh they thought they drowned the actor, but the person is surviving. Yeah.

[00:25:14]Yeah. So I don't you may not understand it but thank God in a weird way I do and I'm just hopefully it gets across a little bit uh the importance of just the capturing of the not too.

[00:25:30]That's why when we have the talks, the original one, the lion and the sheep, it was more about uh so there was the lion and it gets the recognition that it's a lion. But quickly the sheep program kicks in and now it gets switched to I had a lion experience as a sheep. Yes. That would be not one in a sense.

[00:25:57]Yeah. But this is a not to. So you have to see that which says it had the experience of a of of being a lion is not you. Yeah. It has to be applied twice in a sense. You don't do the applying. Obviously what the two things that are taken to be you get it gets applied to. You don't do it. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:26:23]Yeah. When you're drowning, there's not a real you saying you're drowning.

[00:26:28]That's part of what's getting drowned.

[00:26:31]Yeah. This the voice that says I'm drowning needs to be drowned.

[00:26:39]Don't sell don't save it because it the voice sounds like you or yours.

[00:26:50]So, not two is the slogan of the day.

[00:26:54]What the hell does that mean? Yeah. All right.

[00:27:00]Who was the person that recognized the actor?

[00:27:08]Well, it was me. Well, I am not that me.

[00:27:12]Yeah.

[00:27:14]And then you'll see what happens. Of course, it will go. it'll go bonkers and try to figure it out more. But what's beautiful is there's much less needed than the figuring out more. There's much much less needed. Yeah.

[00:27:34]If you can just sit a little bit and let it percolate, what you're not will and the water will be there. Yes. So instead of the surface froth being taken to be you, that froth will get disturbed and you'll see that you're the drink, so to speak. Yeah.

[00:27:54]Yeah.

[00:27:56]And then um froth or no froth, whatever.

[00:28:00]You'll have completely different opinions about stuff. Yeah. All right.

[00:28:05]Anybody have a question?

[00:28:08]Please, someone tell me they got what I was tempting to say.

[00:28:13]Yes. Yes. Good. I hope so.

[00:28:19]Do you see that the d what they d were directing the description of the actor to is also an aspect of the actor? Yes.

[00:28:28]Yeah. It's a two-faced event just like a two a two-faced coin. Yes.

[00:28:37]When you just see that you've only seen one side of the coin, it doesn't mean that there's not another side. Yeah. And you assume I've only seen one side of the coin. So if there is another side, it must look exactly the same. But it isn't. Yeah. There's an eagle on one side, there's a president, a dead man on the other side.

[00:28:59]Yeah. But your assumption would be there's an eagle on this, there's an eagle on that. But that's not the way it goes.

[00:29:09]So >> Paul, would the would the the idea behind the twosided coin would that be the could you say that's like the thief and the policeman?

[00:29:22]>> In in a narrative that's the policeman and the thief.

[00:29:26]>> Okay. Yeah.

[00:29:27]>> Narrative basically. There's basically two narrative stock versions. Yeah. But this is also it's applied in a lot of different ways. But in one way it would be the policeman thief. In another way it would be the person and the actor.

[00:29:44]Yes. In the other way it's the sheep and the lion. Yeah. Yes.

[00:29:50]>> Yeah. There's always an aspect of two in a sense that usually you want to be either one or the other where non-duality is neither which is quite unique in a sense. Yeah. because it leaves you like an emperor with no clothes because you're ready to do something like go to war and vanquish the other or you know have a ceasefire and try to negotiate with the but this is you're neither which leaves you completely uh defenseless and you're totally disarmed. That's a very that's a strong revelation. Yeah.

[00:30:35]Yeah.

[00:30:38]What you couldn't do to one, you can do to two. Yeah. Yeah. If you see if you go not one, the other is going to keep going. If you go not two, there's a negation. Yes. Just like in when you you can uh the uh self inquiry thing. Yeah.

[00:31:00]Are there two people? Is there something that is is there something that's inquiring uh from something else? Yeah, you're just sitting there by yourself.

[00:31:13]So one part one aspect goes who am I or from whence do I come? Yeah. Now if you were that which came from some somewhere you would imagine it would know where it came from. Yes. Like I know I came from Long you know Long Island. So in a sense so it seems weird but you ask all right who am I? So you're asking yourself in a sense and then that something will answer which and it's not the one that asked. Yeah. The the one who asked is clear. It went who am I? and it's waiting to hear something and then it will hear after a second or two me and then if you don't fall for that you ask again well who is this me and basically uh you won't hear anything probably after that one question and the interrogation breaks the thief does he he he He he uh confesses to the crimes. Yeah.

[00:32:25]Like that. It's very easy. And so when the who am I which is obviously you you're sitting let's say in a room or something and then you've asked something. It's not another thing or a person. Yeah. It's seemingly you and you ask who am I? And that thing says me.

[00:32:46]And then you just ask a second time and it usually freezes. And at that moment the one the questioner and the one that was being questioned get negated. Yes.

[00:32:58]Yeah. And it and then you'll realize this is why you know there's these horror movies where they have this killer and they're trying everyone's confused and it finally dawns on them. There's two of them. There's a twi they're twins. Yes. And that's why I saw him in this room and I saw him in that room. You mistook the twin for the same person. Yeah. And then the the the mystery of the whole situation gets cleared up. Oh, so that's why they were almost at different places at the same time because there's two of them. So here, who am I? Yeah, you're right out there. Now you've asked the question and it's going to be you who's going to hear the answer. And then the one who's asked arises and answers. And when they both get in the same room at the same time, there's a negation of it. Yeah. The one who asked and the one who was asked, they just this one go is pauses and this pauses and there you are. Like Zen it would call you see your original face which isn't a face. Yeah. You just get a hit of the ever presence now. Yeah.

[00:34:13]Yeah. So the thing is with this the person is seen to be different than the actor. That's what gives both of them life. Yeah. When you bring them in the same room and you ask one about the other, there's a negation of both.

[00:34:32]That's the point.

[00:34:34]Yeah. If you negate one, the cand the the the wick of the other candle gets higher. Yeah. And then you go there and this goes higher. Yeah. And it keeps going. They they both reinforce each other as seemingly different when they're not. So that which you take to be observed is now saying it's the observer. They're both not you. Yeah.

[00:35:03]This is what happens in a subtlety in in in spirituality. People believe they're the witness or they're the observer.

[00:35:12]There is no observer or witness. There's witnessing and observing, but there's no the witnessing is not a witnesser. Yeah.

[00:35:24]There's not a thing that's doing the witnessing. There's just witnessing.

[00:35:29]So people say, "I am the witness. I am the whatever." I don't see that. Yeah.

[00:35:37]Because that just nounifies nounifies the whole verbing. Yeah. It just just puts a big [ __ ] block of something in there.

[00:35:48]Yeah. I'm the witness. I am the whatever. I'm the seer of all things.

[00:35:59]So, I just wanted to run this by because uh that's the beauty of it. A lot of things go to a certain point and there's a point before that. And I believe nonduality captures the point before what a lot of things bring you to a point. The point before those points I feel is non-duality.

[00:36:26]Now there's great value in stuff that bring you to a point. But there's a there may be a certain definedness there that's limiting light and non-duality will light up that that event like recovery because it's not a path of of uh it's not a path to illumination. It'll it will illuminate everything else.

[00:36:54]Yeah.

[00:36:58]Yeah.

[00:37:00]So there's many paths to illumination, but what illuminates all paths?

[00:37:07]Yeah. Yeah. I would say that's non-duality. That's what it's pointing at. And nonduality combined with the action figure world of recovery as an addict alcoholic, it's a powerful uh combination. It's just like when I got struck sober.

[00:37:27]I may have had that miracle many times and it was drowned in the ne next day or two, but this one time I got whacked and life conspired to bring me to my first AA meeting. So I I I was introduced to a way of life that would extend that miracle of getting whacked.

[00:37:50]Yeah, I believe I've had those wax, but I had no way. There was no way to extend them here and they got drowned out again. Yeah. But because I was introduced to a way of life, it extended that miracle of that day now for 38 years.

[00:38:10]Yes. Incredible. Incredible. So in my case the whack wasn't sufficient.

[00:38:20]I needed a whack and a way of life obviously so that that whack could be extended and so it has been. Yeah. And that's why I that's what I've observed. So that's what I see. So in this case, uh, it's spiritual warfare. If you see one against the other, it's total disarmament when you see you're an aspect of both of those and you're not.

[00:38:52]Yes.

[00:38:54]Yeah.

[00:38:56]And that's a piece that doesn't come from winning the war. That's a peace that passes all understanding. Yes.

[00:39:04]Because you're not seeing in the tuness projected, you're seeing that from somewhere else. You're seeing the dualism of where you stand. And that dualism is presenting a a dualistic interpretation. You see that? Yeah.

[00:39:26]And I don't think there's anything more to see.

[00:39:31]I and you'll know that when you stop looking for a lot of stuff. He he'll you'll get hints that something has came come to an end. Even though you're not having come to an end, something has come to an end.

[00:39:47]And to me, it was a very large branch of the tree which was seeking, seeking, spiritual seeking came to an end. Just like drug use, drug seeking which was incredibly uh had a huge propulsion that ended and then the spiritual seeking that it turned into ended. Yeah. Far out.

[00:40:18]My I'm not like this day isn't uh a a step to a greater day. Yes. It's just uh you're here. You wake up and you're here.

[00:40:34]Yeah.

[00:40:37]So, we have them all and >> and I can't say which one it is.

[00:40:51]>> It's neither.

[00:40:54]All right.

[00:40:55]>> So you you talk about extending the whack and it happened. You went to AA and my question is how do I extend the whack that you are?

[00:41:08]Well, this whack will extend itself.

[00:41:11]Yeah. Because in appearance appearances drag.

[00:41:18]Yeah. Appearances have resistance.

[00:41:23]uh they coagulate things don't flow here like it said before you're in a collision course with everyone and everything else. Yes. In the in what we are they don't have that.

[00:41:39]Yes.

[00:41:40]So one one whack is like an infinite slap. Yes. One and it just keeps reverberating here. A lot of [ __ ] in the action figure world needs to be repeated because there's counter there's a lot of drag. Yeah. A lot of currents, a lot of what they call samscaras, deep mental grooves and emotional grooves. So, a lot of things weigh the action figure down and and impede and slow. It's a sometimes it's like a trudging. Yes. It's like you've got heavy boots and a heavy backpack and you're you're going against the wind. In the other state, the stateless one, they it doesn't have any resistance like one sound just keeps on reverberating. There's not other voices yelling and screaming and drowning it out like on the surface. Yeah. That one note keeps replaying and that note it gets emphasized with all the, you know, cacophony and all the all the rattling of cans and [ __ ] You hear that one note where in the world if you try to hear it, you miss it because it's so loud here. Yeah. so much so much information downloading and swimming and it's almost like uh the action figure gets sucked into like quicksand and it's really low sand really. It's not too quick and you just but there's a a state that doesn't have any resistance to itself.

[00:43:22]Yeah. Here there's like things are vying. Yes.

[00:43:27]Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. So, yeah, I think one wax enough and you just see how it plays out. Yeah. You're the instrument that gets vibrated. You're not the playing of the note. Something plays the note and you're the instrument that gets vibrated. The action figure. Yeah.

[00:43:49]Yeah.

[00:43:50]Now, if you have a way of life that's conducive to allow that note to continue in this you know, crowded auditorium of a lot of different noises.

[00:44:03]That's cool. And I have this way of life of recovery that's allowed that note to become uh emphasized. Yeah. By these principles we live by and stuff like that. It's just a very sound way for an action figure to stay out of its own way a lot really.

[00:44:24]and learning how to make amends when you step on people instead of moving from to another state because you got upset some you upset someone or blowing your left arm off or something you can just make amends and you know drop the pride and say hey I'm sorry uh I [ __ ] with you and I'm intending not to do that again and you play the role and I feel here there's a need of extension Extending the note and we have satsang and satsang is just extends the note.

[00:45:01]Yeah.

[00:45:02]>> Yeah.

[00:45:03]>> Yeah.

[00:45:05]And it's a beautiful uh an incredible way to learn. You're doing nothing.

[00:45:12]Yeah. It's incredible literally. But if there was needing for a lot of digging out, that's already happened.

[00:45:21]You don't have to keep digging out anymore.

[00:45:24]Yeah.

[00:45:26]>> You've seen enough. You did enough to learn that that ain't going to work. So now it's uh not being the main resistor of all the flowing.

[00:45:38]Yeah.

[00:45:40]There's it's uh Yeah. You can get on that river because you got a nice little blow up thing and you can be taken down that river because that's the river's current. Yeah, we used to do it when we'd go to the Colorado River. We came from Long Island, ran into the Colorado River. We had those blow up uh things.

[00:46:04]My friend would get on it. I would drive down like 10 miles down the Colorado River, wait for him, and then he would inevitably pass. And then I'd call him, he'd pull over, and then I'd get on the thing. And that's how we went down the Colorado River.

[00:46:21]I drove, he drove, I rode, he rode.

[00:46:26]I did not paddle once.

[00:46:30]Not once. I was clear the where the move how the movement was going and had no need for any action on my part other than laying there. But I needed something that would flotate me. Yeah.

[00:46:43]Well, this is what happens in this world. Some of us need a way of life to flotate us so that we can go with the current instead of resist it so much.

[00:46:53]Yeah.

[00:46:54]>> I don't know what it is for you. A loving relationship or a dog or whatever purpose. Some people need more than others. But I hope you find it whatever it is. Yeah. And just put your ass your imagined ass on that and you know go with the flow as they say.

[00:47:19]And there's always some there some there's there'll always be someone to pick you up along the way. Yeah. So yes, I think the this whack is sufficient enough. Again, obviously there's a lot of resistance here. The mental state in this in the world of appearance has a lot of stubbornness.

[00:47:44]Yeah, it does. And like we talked about it today, uh, one of its main thing is contempt prior to investigation. And another one is, uh, incredible sense of entitlement and all these other things. So there is so many resistive uh, confirmation, bias, all this stuff.

[00:48:11]That's a lot of resistance. Yes.

[00:48:14]>> Yeah.

[00:48:14]>> Yes. So, uh >> on the other side, one thing I I really like I hear today when you make the difference between ego and the felt sense of person.

[00:48:29]>> Yes.

[00:48:30]>> And that's really that's it's it's so true, man. I love it.

[00:48:37]>> Yes.

[00:48:38]Yeah. You're you're shooting at the wrong target.

[00:48:42]Yes.

[00:48:43]>> Yeah.

[00:48:43]>> And it's just a feeling.

[00:48:46]>> Yes. Yes. Well, like ra there's a beautiful thing with Ram Mahashi in one of these little booklets I got in India.

[00:48:56]They look like this. I don't I don't know if I since find it. They were like an they were a rupee like five cents or something.

[00:49:05]>> And it's another transcription of a live talk that he was giving. And one of the most questioned questions is, is there free will or is there predetermination?

[00:49:19]Yes. And then this was even trickier.

[00:49:22]The guy said, well, is there free will in predetermination?

[00:49:27]And Ramina just bypassed the whole question and said, if there's a sense of individuality, there'll be a sense of free will. Yeah.

[00:49:37]>> He doesn't. When we have a sense of individuality, Val and Arjuner and Paul and Mike, there's an immediate belief that there's an individual.

[00:49:48]>> Yeah, we have a sense of something. The head says it's a sense of individuality which and then we immediately are brought to the assumption the only thing that could produce that sense of individuality would be an individual.

[00:50:06]So you never get the individual. You get a sense of individuality and that sense of individuality comes along with a sense of free will. They're like >> and a past and a future.

[00:50:18]>> All of that it it's completely necessary to keep the hoax up that you're a thing, you're a person. It has to be reinforced constantly. So you have a sense of to me what you're sensing is presence.

[00:50:34]Actually you're take the head is taking it to be signs of an individual.

[00:50:40]I don't take it to be a sign of an individual. I take it to be a sign of presence. Non-appearing non fleshy nonweighty nonhighty non aspecty nonquality presence. And then the head uses that to mean, oh, that's the feeling of being an individual.

[00:51:13]>> There's a great >> name and form is given. And there you go.

[00:51:20]>> There's a great shortcut I picked up somewhere and it's ask yourself, am I aware?

[00:51:29]And and that that shortcuts the whole system.

[00:51:32]>> Oh yes. Yes. Yes.

[00:51:36]So this thing is uh but it will regroup quickly.

[00:51:40]>> Yeah.

[00:51:40]>> Without an understanding of its regrouping, it can get before you very quickly and you won't see because you're looking at everything after you and it's going to get before you. And then the the the lion will have been revealed to be a lion, but he'll be walking thinking it's still a sheep.

[00:52:04]>> Yeah. That just had a great lion experience.

[00:52:08]I've seen it happen. It happened with me many times. Yeah. Many times I went to >> I spent I spent my whole life practicing roaring.

[00:52:19]>> Yes. Exactly. When it's an innate trait.

[00:52:23]Yes. I know. I would go to satsangs that would blow me completely away for so and it wasn't the person it was just the possibility and uh completely away and the day later I was blown away Paul and it just nuded the whole [ __ ] thing and I started I I got to go to more satsangs with this person in that location because it became the unconditional became a condition. I thought I could produce again. It's insane. And then I learned from all that, wow, the speed of the mental state in time can't be beat. It can be beat out of time, but in time, you're going to be uh looking from it.

[00:53:15]You're not going to see it.

[00:53:17]Yeah. I think if you're armed with the understanding of the mechanical programming, you will see it either uh in a certain intellectual way to begin with and then it will drop down in a more intimate way, but it will be gotten. Yeah. You will see where you used to look from. Yeah. It wasn't you looking from it, but where you used to look from, you will see.

[00:53:43]>> You will see it.

[00:53:45]>> Yeah. And uh a lot of conversations can be stopped and completely null and voided by that recognition. Yes.

[00:53:58]Yeah. And then time goes on and things happen and whatever. Yeah.

[00:54:05]>> Well, thank you for that thing, man.

[00:54:07]>> You're not writing everything day every day. It's not that important. It's just like [ __ ] I saw a fish in the water today. Of course, there's going to be fish in the water.

[00:54:27]This is 835th day in Novado, California.

[00:54:36]It seems like anywhere else in some respects. Yeah. the respect of the everpresent allencompassing here and now.

[00:54:48]Every location, every destination, every thought, every feeling, every imagination in the here and now.

[00:55:06]It's nice to see you, bro. I'm happy that you come here. All right. Cheers, mate. I'm the lucky one.

[00:55:12]>> Ah, we're all lucky, I think. Feel it.

[00:55:15]All right. Anyone else today?

[00:55:20]>> No. No. James. James has his hand up.

[00:55:24]>> Hi, James.

[00:55:26]>> I'm uh I'm I'm gonna make a idiot of myself because I get this thing for about two seconds and then the head comes back and it's it's gone. But >> but it ain't gone. It's just the head says it's here. So everything else has to seem to go, but it doesn't.

[00:55:42]>> It's I tell you what though, ever since um you were you did the AA uh lead um there's you said something that's become very uh it gets repeated a lot and it's and I'm going back to the AA paradigm.

[00:55:57]It's um I have to go up in the room here in just a minute. So you fortunately I'll have to shut up. But um that okay so having a new employer being all powerful all we have to do is stick close to him and perform his work well but he's everywhere so we don't really so that's sorted >> yes >> but in non-duality terms there's no need to I don't have to stick close to him >> no but even as the you uh you can't be far from everywhere >> right >> so The everywhereness of what you are relying on precludes any need to get close to it because you can't be far from it.

[00:56:40]>> So you have only one requirement and that's a loose one and it's up to your own interpretation and others perform its works well. Maybe every work is performing his work well.

[00:56:52]>> Right. So like in other words I'm not I'm no longer sticking close to him because I'm no longer I'm just performing.

[00:56:59]>> That's right. Yes.

[00:57:01]You're driven, bro.

[00:57:02]>> I'm gonna stop right there. I'm gonna >> remember the word driven. It's very important in recovery.

[00:57:10]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I just was working with a guy doing the fistep thing and that was a big big help.

[00:57:15]>> Oh, great. Great. Yeah.

[00:57:17]>> Because it was a way of getting it, you know, and um that was >> again in AA recovery. It's not one.

[00:57:27]Yeah. So driven driver, you're the driven, but you're not the driver. So >> there's a bunch of not ones that are gonna get real mad if I don't open the room right now. So I gota go.

[00:57:36]>> Go ahead.

[00:57:38]>> I love you, Paul. I love all you guys.

[00:57:39]And I I'm gonna try to stay awake till 9 tomorrow so I can ask you more about this.

[00:57:45]>> Okay. Anytime, brother.

[00:57:47]>> All right, man. Talk to >> Have a good meeting. Yes.

[00:57:50]>> Thank you.

[00:57:50]>> Yeah, I'm just having fun with it. But in a way if you look at the process in time uh aa is not one.

[00:58:02]Yeah. It's trying to you to realize that what has defeated you is not you.

[00:58:09]Yeah. So you're not that one that has defeated you. You're not that one uh that did this. You're not that one who's completely selfish and self-centered.

[00:58:19]You're not that one. That's all trying to help you there. And then there's great relief. Non-duality is a not two.

[00:58:28]Yeah. Because what is the one that's not one?

[00:58:34]Yes. So that's that that goes also.

[00:58:39]Here in the action figure world, it's not uh nec it's not necessary, but for some people, a lot of people, not one is necessary.

[00:58:49]They need to recognize they're not something. Yeah, it's essential or their life is going to go a certain way. And you could basically forecast that person's life and not be that far off of how it's going to go because you've lived under that tyranny also. Yeah. So here it's essential for some of us to get what I'm not. It's very essential. Now, as an extra delight, you may be able to get behind that and not be that one either, which is awesome. Yeah. But I don't believe it's there's no draft for that. There's no command to do that. There's no necessity in a sense. Yeah. Because this is all going to end anyway.

[00:59:40]Yeah. So the not one is going to be only important for a short period of time.

[00:59:46]The not two is a fact. Yeah, it's the fact not one is going to be important in certain people's life. Incredibly important. They'll be able to live a life without being the main the major destruction aspect. Yep, that's awesome.

[01:00:07]But the not to is before everything.

[01:00:09]Before any any of these facts took hold, they were not facts.

[01:00:19]And the fact of the matter is being ourselves reality. The greatest mystery is reality. Trying to attain reality.

[01:00:29]Yeah.

[01:00:32]You do not want to speak that out of rehab. Let's say you want to tell someone that's in a rehab that they're not that which is defeating them.

[01:00:44]So, a possibility becomes available. And maybe and hope is a word that has different meanings at different times.

[01:00:53]At a certain time, hope is invaluable.

[01:00:56]It's doing you a disservice because you're not seeing how things are. But for someone coming out of the darkness of addiction, hope is one of the first glimmers of light that occur. Yeah. They feel feel very very humbly things may be able to be different. It's a great moment. I remember the first meeting I was at. That meeting allowed me to feel how hopeless I was. That was how hoped appeared to me. It allowed me to feel how hopeless I was. The head was keeping me away from the fact that I was [ __ ] Yeah. And that was broken and it was revealed it and it motivation that came out of it. Yeah. So in that moment hope had value.

[01:01:47]Yeah. Hoping to believe something is going to change without anything changing is not going to work. Yeah.

[01:01:56]Yeah. So, yeah, >> I'm I'm moving from the non not two to the not one world. So, I'll I'll see.

[01:02:06]>> That's right. That's right.

[01:02:10]I'm just doing this for fun in a way.

[01:02:13]But it it is it has uh it's what I've observed. Yes. The observing of stuff. Yeah.

[01:02:24]Not two is really but and not two isn't essential because we are reality but not one is essential in recovery from addiction and stuff because if you are the one that hates you, you're going to seemingly be that one for quite a while.

[01:02:48]Yeah. Uh that's not a good move to live under. Yeah. Yeah. And the head obviously your experience is that you're driven, but the head says you're also the driver.

[01:03:05]Yeah.

[01:03:06]So you suffer as the driven with the idea that you're also the driver. What recovery gives you is an off-ramp from that a sense of being the driver and now having a new driver as as bigowski said being all powerful will take care of you. Yes. That's the magic of this world called the higher power. Reliance on a higher power.

[01:03:38]Yeah. to the action figure. It's much more comprehens comprehendable than there's no action figure obviously. Yeah. So in Ramana talked about it a lot. He says basically there's only two things either you uh inquire about the origin of your misery or you surrender and you turn over your life and thy will be done. What recovery does is the second thing. Yeah, it says surrender. There's needs to be looked at your what the exact nature of the wrong is, but it's not deep diving.

[01:04:19]It's obvious you got destroyed or gotten driven by something. So just admitting the obvious and admitting that you're not managerial quality is really the basis of the driving force of grace of recovery. Yeah. So you now live a life that's being driven by what we call a higher power instead of dri being driven by self. But driven nonetheless. It's not like you're not going to be driven.

[01:04:48]You're just going to be driven by something else than what was driving you. Fantastic. Yeah.

[01:04:55]Yeah.

[01:05:01]And sometimes in time uh what comes after like you're not one is important before the what's before occurs. So the not one can lead to an easy landing in the not two.

[01:05:19]But I think three of you would be a it would be a a large leap to get over. So first you're not one and then you're not two.

[01:05:37]And then you think there must be more, but there ain't. Not to the end of the road.

[01:05:47]Act as if that's true.

[01:05:50]Yeah. All the hard lifting is over.

[01:05:56]It was you lifting yourself as a you out of the other you. Now it's neither. It's that's it. Not two. There must be a not three. No, there's not a not three.

[01:06:11]The mission is complete.

[01:06:17]If there's any requirements, they're all yours. The you that you're not.

[01:06:25]But I'm scared. [ __ ] I have so much time on my hands. All right, make something up. Yeah. Yeah. Become a great spiritual person wearing it loosely.

[01:06:43]So yeah, that's where I am today at the moment.

[01:06:49]I heard this thing. I almost have a little bit of uh uh I don't like to see when non-duality gets sort of attacked in a sense. Yeah.

[01:07:04]I think it's people just didn't stay long enough.

[01:07:09]Yeah. It's like when you you know you're going to kill yourself because you have acne as a teenager.

[01:07:16]We're not arguing that that's not true, but you're not going to be a teenager the rest of your life. It's probably going to your face is going to clear up and you'll probably be happy you didn't kill yourself over acne. So, same thing with messages.

[01:07:31]Sometimes messages have to burrow through all the other coded messages.

[01:07:36]Yeah. And sometimes when you start throwing the bathroom out, the baby may still be in it.

[01:07:51]It's not new that people end up early on neihilism. Yeah. Because now they don't seem to have a purpose. But this is self trying to wrestle with being a non-self.

[01:08:07]It can only see the non-selfness from the self's point of view.

[01:08:13]Of course, you're going to go through, you know, shifts and sh and boredom and everything because all the the everything you've ever run into, the head has tried to adhere to, tried to suck an identity out of. Yes. You went to one football game, you're a lifetime New York Giant fan. It's just this weird thing it does. Yeah.

[01:08:42]I mean, it's just like a it's got a sucker. Everything that it meets, it tries to suck identity out of it. Yeah.

[01:08:50]Of course, when that starts getting it stops happening, it's the ship. You finally feel the shakiness of the boat.

[01:08:59]Yes. That had been being denied. Yeah.

[01:09:02]And maybe your drive is to jump out thinking you're going to save yourself, but it's best to stay in the boat and drown with the boat and you'll see it's not you.

[01:09:15]Yeah, it's already too late. You're in the high tiger's mouth already. You're four feet in a tiger's mouth. Does he say that? For some reason, I have it four feet. If you're 4 feet in, there's no out except through.

[01:09:34]There's no way you're going to back out of the tiger's mouth if you're 4 feet in there.

[01:09:53]Yeah.

[01:09:58]It's funny. It's funny. Yeah. All right.

[01:10:00]Thank you. Thank you.

[01:10:03]Yeah.

[01:10:05]Anything, Mike? That's it.

[01:10:09]>> That's it.

[01:10:10]>> All right. Great. Thank you. Hey, thanks for everyone who stayed with us today.

[01:10:27]It's going to hit you sometimes. Hey, there they are. The Mal and Ajuna. Yes, it's nice to see you. Yeah, they're the they're the the couple of the month every month in my calendar. Yeah, we got them up there. Yeah. Mike Clark, my man.

[01:10:44]Yes. Katherine Allenby.

[01:10:49]Zoe Banks. Has the message ever failed you, Zoe? No.

[01:10:55]No.

[01:10:57]You can be guaranteed the messenger will. That's the way things go. But the message will never fail you.

[01:11:06]Walter. Walter. Were. Yes.

[01:11:08]>> Yes sir.

[01:11:09]>> Yeah.

[01:11:10]>> How are you, Walter?

[01:11:11]>> I am doing very well. I always appreciate your messages. I was just I was um watching one video from I think it was 9 years ago probably even 10 years ago um where you were talking about traveling without Paul or something but you know it's always it's always just very refreshing you know just understanding >> uh as a person in recovery too this message is really really do hit home you know um just the the one piece there I I kind of picked up yesterday in that message you is when those thoughts that are somebody else's are sitting there and I say they're my thoughts.

[01:11:51]>> Yes.

[01:11:52]>> How much more interested I am in those thoughts and and you know just the whole my my uh identifying with something just adding my the weight that it puts on something is just crazy and uh >> you could start wars over that just saying my.

[01:12:13]>> Yes, it is. It's amazing how much meaning is being thrown around. Yeah.

[01:12:17]>> Yeah. So anyway, appreciate your message so much always. Thank you. The my is a perfect way to see that you and I give everything all the meaning it has because the difference between a problem and my problem is a very good indicator of the previous statement that you and I give everything all the meaning it has because you can see how much meaning is given to the thing that comes after the my yeah the word whatever that means has a completely different meaning injected by the my being before it. It's incredible.

[01:12:54]So these are ways of recognizing a larger event.

[01:12:59]>> Yeah. And you you can see the larger event in a very small sample.

[01:13:05]>> Yeah. My is a very small word really in the English language.

[01:13:09]>> But what it means and how much distribution of meaning goes through it.

[01:13:15]I mean it is like to the oil in the world. It's like the straight of a moose. Yes. My There's a lot of 40 50% of the [ __ ] mental [ __ ] is dependent on my >> wow.

[01:13:33]>> It's so incredible. That's how much it's running the whole place. So, and you can step right out of that mind. Yeah. You may not be able to step out of the problem. You may not be able to step out of this or that.

[01:13:48]job, but you can step out of the my Yes.

[01:13:53]Yes. So, all right. Thank you. Nice to see you all.

[01:13:58]>> Mike G as always. We got Molly. Nice to see Molly there. Val, Juna, Teresa, David Vitamin, as always. Thank you so much, Dave, for all the support.

[01:14:11]Annette, very always a pleasure to see Annette. Yeah. Yeah. I have to keep my eye on Annette every once in a while.

[01:14:19]There you go. Yes, I see you, Annette.

[01:14:22]You Stephen Mack on having never left. I don't need to keep my eye on Stephen Mac because on having never left. Yes, Katherine. Nice to see you. I got your message. You heard from me. You know, I may be having a procedure a couple of days earlier. So, but I'll be fine, I think.

[01:14:42]>> Yes.

[01:14:43]>> Okay. We'll keep in touch.

[01:14:44]>> Yeah. Yeah. I have to go in and uh yeah, >> Zen Bislap. Yes, I have my uh >> I got the uh what do you call it?

[01:14:57]You know, a lot labbotomy thing, you know. Yeah.

[01:15:02]>> Yeah. I got to get at least three of them a week.

[01:15:05]>> The message will be clearer then.

[01:15:07]>> Most clearer. It's really clear just before they give me the whack.

[01:15:12]Yes. Yeah. You're getting >> I love you. Thank you so much.

[01:15:15]>> You're getting you're getting the dribble out of what happens. Yeah, >> Mia. Nice to see you. Uh AG Michael Stacy as always. Thank you everyone.

[01:15:29]Thanks so much. Uh we're all in this together and it's a lovely thing to be in together with. Yes, satang is is a is uh is cruise control. It's very, very nice.

[01:15:44]Yeah. You're in the back seat of a nice sedan. You just sit back, check out the scenery.

[01:15:51]>> Yeah. And you're going to get to your destination.

[01:15:55]>> Yeah. Beautiful.

[01:15:56]>> You never left. Hey. Hey. All right.

[01:15:58]Thank you. I'll see you soon tomorrow night.

[01:16:01]>> Thank you.

[01:16:02]>> Thank you, Michael. Thank you, dude.

[01:16:04]>> Y. Thank you.

[01:16:07]>> Thanks, everybody.

[01:16:09]>> I love all the hearts. That's gorgeous.

[01:16:11]>> Thank you, everyone.

[01:16:12]Good night.

[01:16:14]>> Sweet.