Long-running film franchises tend to become formulaic and repetitive over time, losing their original appeal and creative freshness. The Fast and Furious franchise, after 10 films, has reached a point where the movies feel like 'slop' - well-made but lacking the texture and excitement of earlier entries. This phenomenon occurs because franchises eventually tip over into predictable patterns, with characters retelling backstories, using similar plot devices (like the Aries device/power cube), and relying on familiar tropes. The hosts note that while the franchise has improved in some areas (such as reduced misogyny and more diverse casting), the fundamental formula remains unchanged, making each new film feel like a variation of the same movie.
S4E39: F9: The Fast SagaAdded:
So, it was my birthday recently and my beloved wife, my dear wife, she got me she got me two presents, right? One like a genuine one and the other one just to kind of annoy me. And >> wonderful.
>> The one that was just to annoy me, the one that was just a provocation. She got me the Lego Fast and Furious tie-in.
>> Yes.
>> Paul Walker Skyline.
>> Yes.
>> Which just lives in my house now. You got >> I'm going to have to build it. I'm going to have to put together walker. And like this might be the only Lego like mini fig of a pedophile they made.
>> Do we know that? Is that true?
>> Do is that a fact? Can we put that out on the airways?
>> I don't Well, how many more?
>> Did you not have the Lego Epstein island playset for kids?
>> Yeah. Building that mosque was so >> Tracy Island myself. I don't know.
>> List of real people Legos.
>> Yeah, there was a there was a little Lego Donald Trump that came with it.
Okay. So, so we've got Abraham Lincoln, who I think is Mark Safe. Uh, >> Jane Goodall, RIP.
>> Not a pedo.
>> Uh, Vincent Von Hook, I think. Fine.
>> I don't know who that is. Probably not me. Amelia Heheart. The Beatles.
>> Inconclusive.
>> The Beatles. I'm not thrilled about >> the Beatles.
>> Ooh, maybe. I don't know enough about the Beatles to comment on that, but I'm going to say >> cast of Queer Eye. I mean, in that case, that's that's more less like annoying than anything else. Um, uh, >> they're probably not pedos.
>> No, I think I think we can say that now.
>> I know them.
>> Know of them, I guess.
>> Uh, Julius Caesar, Cleopatra, George Washington, that you could have a leg of a guy who owned slaves. Um, I mean, that's that's just as evil.
>> Yeah, I think >> I don't really feel comfortable ranking that, but okay.
>> I do. Let's in fact, let's not do the movie. There is another there is there is there is another one because you could get a Lego mini figure of Jerry Seinfeld.
>> [ __ ] yeah you can. I've got him. I can see him.
>> Wait a minute. There must also be there's got to be a Lego Michael Jackson, too.
>> There's got to be a Lego MJ. You're so right.
>> Okay, hold on.
>> There must be Lego Michael Jackson.
>> [ __ ] this podcast. Lego M Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am November Kelly. I am joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hello Borida Bob Croe Camry James Bond [ __ ] >> How are we doing over there in England?
[ __ ] also [ __ ] Scotland's done well.
>> Mhm. It's true. It's true. They elected Oomph.
>> I've had a good election result for the first time in my [ __ ] life.
>> We elected Oomphie. Iris Dwayne, who is Oomph and who is like like who I'm mutuals with, who I've met a couple of times, is one of my MSPs now.
>> Go for the [ __ ] go.
>> Like one of three two or three trans MSPs. So, hell [ __ ] yeah. Or counselors, whichever.
>> I'm just thrilled cuz obviously I voted reform and we've made massive gains.
>> They've been amazing. No, actually I I I voted via I did postal vote and I you can track it and it has not yet arrived.
Uh but the people that I voted for uh won anyway, so they don't need my vote.
So that's good.
>> This is good. This is good news.
However, >> it's fantastic over here.
>> You can you can tell that we're patting this one out because today's movie >> don't need to.
>> I I strongly perceived this as an insult to life itself. I was questioning a lot of things about my career and my vocation, you know, and I was like, >> I I have to go to work and I have to talk about fast nine.
>> Yes, it I think they're improving objectively, but I'm kind of checked out at this point on the franchise.
>> They're getting smoother. That's the thing is like the edges are coming off.
I've got way less complaints about this one.
>> Yeah.
>> But it's like it is still just as spiritually evil as fast.
>> There's no texture.
>> It goes down smoother now.
>> Yeah. I think the thing is after about fast, they started there was a there's a kind of like event horizon for any kind of series that I think you can tip over. I think Bond did that a long time ago.
It's one of the reasons why it compels us.
>> Yes. It's something that like after a while it becomes a formula and >> having seen now what 10 of these films I can say I've enjoyed one of them.
>> I Yeah, first two. I like first two.
>> I enjoyed Too Fast Too Furious.
>> That was a >> There were bits of Tokyo Drift I guess I enjoyed but no in the main it's the same movie now.
>> Yeah. Yeah. It's slop now. It's slop unfortunately. well made and like people worked hard in it, put their heart and soul into it and put their heart well put a lot of time into it.
>> Put a lot of >> people into this and work into it and money into this.
>> Some people are doing like good good having a good time. There's one moment when I'm like, "Yes, that made me happy." But yeah, it's a bit Yeah, >> it's we're we're firmly we're sucking from the tube at this point. The nozzle is like worming its way into our esophagus.
>> Wake up, honey. It's time for more Fast and Furious.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> So, we do have a nice little touch at the very start though, which is that we get the old Universal logo >> because we go into a flashback to 1989.
So, we get the 80s Universal logo, which was a nice little nice little touch.
>> That is nice.
>> Briefly made me think I was watching the wrong film.
>> We can tell that it's the past because we're in the deep sort of sepia filter.
There's like gores over the lens >> and we see a Tretto in an old timey spaceman helmet racing. But this is not the Dom Tretto that we know and love.
This is dad Tretto. Um >> this is Jack, his dad. This is this is sort of a pitfall for any longunning enough series. Feeling that you have to explain a backstory that you had already explained.
>> They leave almost nothing unexplained in this [ __ ] >> in I think it was like fast [ __ ] three. I don't know. Dom Tereso goes Yeah. My was it really? Jesus. Okay.
>> That was the bit we really liked about the first one.
>> Yeah. when we're when we're Dom Teroto is explaining his backstory and he's like my dad dad Terretto got killed got killed racing and I lost it and I beat the guy who killed him like half to death with a tire iron and it's defined my life and I've be I've vowed never to become that person again right and to live free of anger uh and then then uh nine movies happened >> so now we're like well I guess we better >> framing device for this >> yeah Uh like >> they they they give Dad Terretto the 009. He's >> this [ __ ] dressed as a clown. So So Dad Tretto is racing and then there are two boys playing like young versions of the of the actors which I always like. It's like young Dom and also this other kid Jack Dom's brother we're hearing of for the first time. They're having a beef with car number 23. the the actual I had to look up the actual character's name is is Linda because every time they say it it sounds like Glenna >> the the [ __ ] limb the [ __ ] the Lindor master chocolier in car 23 is is beefing with dad >> Terretto yeah >> and so he's having trouble with his car as well and and Jack the other kid is like going under the hood to try and fix it >> Jacob it's Jacob Jacob >> it's Jacob I wrote it down >> wrong don't worry it'll come Yeah. And he like fixes the car and the dad goes off and almost immediately gets >> like instantly >> like the Tatooine series of pod racing Sabula maneuver. He gets >> Yeah. He gets like they pit maneuver him and he flips over and explodes like just fire everywhere.
>> He does. He goes out like Dale Nhard.
>> Yeah. And we see that Dom is being like held back from like going to him. He's screaming like, "That's my dad." For context, he's having like Christlike agonies. It's >> my dad. That's my dad. I'm playing a young version of Dom Tretto. That's my dad. Yeah.
>> Yeah. Okay. I get it. Right. I mean, >> that's my dad over there and over there and over there and some over there.
>> There is Michael Rooker in this scene playing a sort of a a mechanic guy. I like seeing him.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. We'll be back later.
>> Then we cut across to >> He's got a son. And this was made post pandemic. The cameras are all too good.
Everything's too crisp. It's [ __ ] We're all [ __ ] >> I know.
>> I can see everything.
>> It's crazy how they moved to Beaches Hope from Red Dead Redemption.
>> They did. Holy [ __ ] That is just John Mast's place in Red Dead Redemption. Um >> yeah, cuz they're in low. It's a great place to do it. Dom, I guess, went a bit crazy during the pandemic and decided that they had to live off the grid. It happened to a few people.
>> Yeah, they don't address the pandemic in this one. It's probably not the best.
>> No, >> Letty's here, too, and she very pointedly does not pick up that child.
She's like, "That's not my child. I'm a [ __ ] touching that killer." No. No way. Who the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] Get out of here.
>> Much like John Mar, right? The FBI, they imagine appear on the horizon. And so Dom takes his kid, little Brian, and is like, "Brian, we trained for this. You know, I told you the one world government would come to vaccinate you.
It is now time for you to get into the Saddam Hussein hiding place.
>> If we're going to put you in a in a bunker with the Chinese, >> get into my Rambo 5 network of tunnels that I have been digging over the course of the pandemic." Yeah.
>> And then here's here's a specific thing that I have beef with, right? Is he goes to his guns wall, which is all shotguns because of Dom Tretto's iconic shotgun.
>> Mhm.
>> But in the first movie, he had a shotgun because that was like just like a plausible normal thing that a guy who was kind of tough might have in his garage.
>> And now he has >> It's actually because he loves it and he's the the the shotguns guy, >> Mr. It's he has to have become the avatar of just like a signifier that was early on.
>> He's completely flounderized. Yeah.
>> The the luxury wall of pumpaction shotguns.
>> Mhm. Mhm.
>> It's like come on, man.
>> Yeah. But so it turns out it's not the one world government coming to vaccinate Brian. It's actually it's it's the crew.
We have once again spared you the putting together the crew.
>> It's the crew. The crew.
Yeah. They're here.
>> Wonderful. They have a message from Kurt Russell who's like who's appearing in this movie very briefly to be like, "My plane is being shot down by a rogue agent." Uh, also I'm sending you some encrypted data which will be unencrypted later on at the screenwriter's discretion when it's time to explain more about the plot. Um, I caught Charlie Siron from the previous movie and then she was heisted in midair.
Somebody's heisting her >> uh out of the plane and shooting me down. Yeah, it would have been cool to have to have seen that maybe action >> we get a garbbled message from Mr. Nobody where he genuinely goes assemble the crew.
>> Shut up and the crew come and they go we assembled ourselves.
>> You're actually one of the last guys we're picking up. Dom Trello >> and Letty.
>> Also, this happened over the fictional country of Monte Quinto, which is in Central America. We're just like all countries in this franchise so far have been fictional, but this one is especially that it doesn't exist. It's the Avengers.
>> It's Avengers slop. Yeah.
>> This The second they go, "Oh, our mission takes place in a madeup South American country. They're going to kill so many people.
>> They're going to kill so many.
>> They're going to kill some people."
>> I have I have I have two notes right here. One is that we do briefly see like a a photo of Shelley's Throne in this and they've given her >> Oh my god.
>> They've given her a worse haircut.
>> I can't believe it. Another [ __ ] ass haircut.
>> She has the Dylan Roof haircut. She has like >> She looks like a medieval peasant.
>> She looks like a school shooter. She looks [ __ ] white supremacist. Like it's nuts.
>> She looks like level one kingdom come deliverance oath. She looks >> Oh yeah. Yeah. What possess?
>> Mr. Nobody on the phone. I captured and tonsured Cipher, but they tasted her in midair.
>> Yeah. She has to take holy orders now.
No. Yeah, we're actually capturing her to send her to prison and give her a better haircut. Yeah.
>> Caught, captured, and taunted to a permanent end.
>> Extraditing her to a barber.
>> Yeah. But so, but so the other thing is because Dom has been radicalized by co he's like, >> "No, I'm not working for the like CIA to implement one world government and 15minute cities. I don't want to do this. I want to stay here and raise my kid to like stay unvaccinated.
>> I'm refusing the call to adventure.
>> I want to stay here protect my kid and let this [ __ ] kid.
>> You're not going to do the plot of Fast and Furious 9. I'm going to do the plot of Fast and Furious 9. So, she puts on a sick white leather jacket and pieces the [ __ ] out.
>> It is. It is sick.
>> I do I there is I I like that that they didn't immediately palm the kid off onto Lety and ride her out of the movie.
Yeah, but that's like that's a very low bar to have passed. But I do like that was like, "No, I've got to do this."
There's a scene with Elena where she unironically goes the [ __ ] juice for me. Like legitimately, >> yeah, I like this [ __ ] Yeah. DO NOT WRITE ME OUT OF THIS [ __ ] FRANCHISE.
IF YOU REGRET >> I I do like that she does contextualize this for the viewer by being like, "But Dom Tereso, uh Chariss Therone, when she had a slightly less [ __ ] up haircut, killed the mother of I guess our child."
And Dom just says she ever not your child. The only way she ever responds to the kid is like, "Wow, that's your child."
>> Little Brian Brianito is going to be explaining this to a therapist in 20 years time.
>> Sure. And crying and not knowing why.
really respect that Michelle Rodriguez is like an openly queer actress who is like, "You will not write me out of this [ __ ] action franchise. I I'm holding on to this [ __ ] paycheck. You're going to take it out of my cold dead hands, [ __ ] >> I have respect to it all my heart."
Yeah. Dom is just like, "I don't know.
Things change effectively." Like, I don't know. Maybe maybe she was right to kill Elena. Um but meanwhile, Letty Letty >> Letti is looking for some like Red Dead Redemption, so she goes >> Yeah.
>> Yeah. Letty's like, "I got to get out of here." Um they they give the kid the amulet that gives her maternal life, which is you guys you guys suck. I'm going to go to something fun. Yeah.
Yeah.
>> Oh yeah. Yeah. The the blessed amulet.
Dom's blessed amulet will come up again later. But they do give the kid the blessed amulet of protection. Dom watches the video back that Mr. Nobody sent. He notices some there's a mysterious figure in the background of the video who also has his own blessed amulet of protection, which we saw his dad had as well and I guess wasn't turned on cuz it didn't protect him. But he's like, "Oh [ __ ] >> there's no one. There's someone else out there.
>> There's a second one >> could have a big cross necklace."
>> Yeah.
>> So, the hero of using the call thing lasts 5 minutes. He's very He's late to the airport functionally >> because they bring back Mia. Mia's back in the movie. She turns up at the Red Dead Redemption ranch and Dom's like, "Could you watch Brian while I go and do the plot?" And she's like, "Yeah." He also says, "How is Paul Walker?" And she's like, >> "He's fine. He's so alive.
>> He's alive in the movies. That's the main thing. He's very, very alive.
>> Alive. Yeah, >> he's alive as [ __ ] in the movies. You >> hanging out with him just off screen.
>> They actually do something very smart, which is like go, "Oh, [ __ ] We could just say that Brian's looking after the kids. He's not dead in these movies."
>> Yeah, just have him.
>> It's like, "Oh, thank God. Then we can let the women do something.
>> We left him with the kids." Uh, >> maybe [ __ ] Lego set. So maybe don't do that.
>> We we go we go to the legally not a country, right? And very considerately, Mr. Nobody has crashed his plane at the end of a road so they can just drive to it.
>> Yeah.
>> One thing I do like is that we now do have a fully non-white core cast. But the bad thing here is that we've we've got that in the same way that we got like The Rock got to do all of the Samware stuff by making all of the other movies. We got here just by duration essentially.
>> These are the ones who are willing to hang on to the [ __ ] fast movies. It is Ludicrous. It's Roman Pierce. It's um Ramsey Emanuel. Good for her.
>> Good for her. And >> Dom and Dom obviously.
>> Yeah. But so they they they get into the the the crash scene and >> this is >> I want to pull up the car selection cuz they're in a convoy and the cars are they've got like a Ford off-road thing.
Smart. They got an amphibious vehicle.
Smart. Um Michelle Rodriguez is on a motorbike. Dom is driving his [ __ ] iconic BDS Dodge Charger in the [ __ ] jungle.
>> In the jungle >> and he's like fine. It's not it's not a problem at all. Yeah.
>> He drives it around Edinburgh later.
It's completely normal. It's it's fine.
Um but so they they get in and they find the thing that the uh the plane was shot down carrying besides a woman with a [ __ ] up haircut, which is I can only describe it as a power cube, right?
Because you know how every Avengers movie now is like an actor entirely on a green screen going, "Give me the power cube."
>> Yeah. the >> I've I've showed up to work at the volume. I've walked into the middle and I've and I've done like a heroic half turn and they've put something behind me. I don't know. I've gone home.
>> Yeah.
>> Give me the power cube.
>> Hell yeah. Give me the power cube.
>> It's half a power cube. It's It's only half of the power cube.
>> It's It's It's one one hemisphere of the orb.
>> And the [ __ ] is this?
>> There is three parts to this and you have to collect them in order to get the movie going. So, you have to >> This is This is This is a guffin. And they're looking for the map.
>> It's the mother box. It's the power cube. It's the [ __ ] orb of destiny.
It's whatever >> mothering.
>> As soon as they as soon as they recover it, goons attack. All these faceless goons. All the And we hear that this area is controlled by the military. So it's like, cool. Yeah, we could just kill all these guys. No problem.
>> Arguably every country is controlled by the military in the sense that they have just kind of invaded it. Um there was this there's a difficult thing here, right? Well, because we have a gunfight and they again don't quite know what to do with Roman Pierce as a character anymore because >> which >> Sorry, you go ahead. I'll have no >> complaints. For for a long time, he was the comic relief, right? And then they felt like they had to give him some like dignity. So, he became John Wick for a second and locked in.
>> And now he's the comic relief John Wick.
So, he's still doing bits about how he's like pissing himself and crying because he's scared. But he is killing >> dozens of people.
>> Yeah.
>> Dozens. Like he is mowing down the military of Monte Quinto. He takes out a battalion on his own.
>> Yeah, he does.
>> Roman Pierce, um, Tyrese Gibson had huge beef with Dwayne the Rock Johnson. He said that he wouldn't be in this movie if Dwayne was going to be in it. Really?
Wow. Just want you to know they chose him.
>> Okay.
>> Wow. Just want to note that that >> I did not know that. That's crazy.
>> I wonder I wonder how that came about.
Why >> I mean I remember when Roman Pierce was kind of an interesting character, but then part of the problem was >> so interesting in the one movie that we liked.
>> The one movie that he liked he it was about his relationship with Brian and now Brian is childminding. So um also another problem here is everybody's getting old.
>> Mhm. And they do take one approach here, which is they do cast like younger versions of them for the prequel uh shot for the like, you know, flashbacks, >> which is good, right? Because it wouldn't be good if you used a bunch of like experimental deaging technology. It would look really kind of unconvincing.
>> Make a really strange looking movie.
>> Yeah. And and we would never talk about a movie that did that. Um but it does mean that now none of them can move their faces like because they've all had quite a lot of surgery and Botox. And there's a bit where Vin Diesel has to emote and the only part of him that moves is his lips which are slightly pursed.
>> It's like, oh no.
>> I think he's sad maybe. It's hard to know.
>> Yeah, it's difficult. It's difficult.
Um, also >> it's really difficult. You were never supposed to watch these back to back.
>> No, you weren't. No, no, no.
>> The other thing is streaming this I this loaded quite badly for me. like there were kind of jarring like uh kind of hangs in between shots which really gave it the the feeling of um a game made in the Unreal Engine that hasn't pre-cached its uh shaders. So >> it really a little bit Christ >> it slid into the Modern Warfare kind of zone for me.
>> Yeah, it's this sequence as they're like being chased across a minefield is quite Fury Road. It's it's like it's pretty it's pretty sick. I quite like this.
Yeah, they they they get chased >> into a minefield which is not at all like the mines from Ice Cold and Dead Name. It's not tense. Um >> it's not at all like the mines from um >> Oh, Christ. What's the other one? Uh >> uh the hot one. Christ.
>> No, the truck. We We just did it. Hot truck explosion.
>> Yeah.
Dead name, isn't it?
>> No, there's another one. There was another one further back.
>> Wages of fear. Wages of fear.
>> That's the [ __ ] Wages of Christ. Leave that in. Wages of need to know what they're paying for. I don't know anything about anything I've seen. It's nothing like in [ __ ] Wages of Fear either.
>> They they instead they just go like, "We need to go as fast as possible over these." And yeah, there's there's two things there's two things here. One is that we get a shot of a guy with a mysterious blessed amulet of of protection watch all of this transpiring and we go, "Oh [ __ ] Dom has an author of all his paint."
>> He does.
>> Of course. I thought that I thought it was Cipher that was the author of all of Dom's Pain.
>> No, he has another one.
>> That's fine.
>> Yeah.
>> The other one is I can get too woke about this movie if with your permission, right? I could get too woke about this.
>> That's what we're here for.
>> So here is we we use some landmines or a minefield to um uh like establish like oh we can set off some explosions and stuff and there are little explosions dotting over the thing. Not to be again like too woke, right? You know how many kids get killed by landmines? It's a lot, right? Like, >> how do the minds get there?
>> Yeah. I mean I'm I'm interested in this because this is something one of the few things where like international law or international humanitarian law had a material effect on stuff is the Ottawa treaty um like actually legitimately improved the like humanity and the world because it banned anti-personnel landmines and that's gone now kind of um because you know war is back and >> rules are gone again. rules are gone and we keep ining like new and more horrifying weapons. But it's it's like I don't know, maybe I'm making too much of it to to be like this creeping into, you know, like the drone a couple of movies ago. This thing creeping into the movies is weird.
>> But yeah, this was something that like became illegal and like sort of widely disavowed in in terms of using like anti-personnel landmines in conflicts.
Um, and yeah, huge huge bloody legacy that continues to this day. So, uh, that's that's bad, but they do use it for an action sequence.
>> They do use it. Yeah.
>> During this action sequence, there is a henchman who gets the rare combination of being of getting the Kronstein both technically and full-blooded because he leaps out of a car onto Let's motorbike.
>> So, he attracts the driver of the vehicle. That That guy jumps from a car onto a motorbike. I'm like, that is going above and beyond, bro. You could have just twied it there with the door, but you [ __ ] jumped out there. You put And then he gets slammed into a tree and I'm like, that's unfortunate. But >> the crron squad.
>> Yeah, >> he's he's getting up at the union meeting. Give him a round of applause, boys. This guy has [ __ ] done it. Good for him.
>> Yeah, he's I don't think he's getting up. I think he's like raising his hand from a wheelchair.
>> Where is he? Let's give him a big >> Weirdly Weirdly like the crron awards are awarded by Hench. Um it's kind of like a whole industry >> presented by Hench and and the makers of landmines and like Ra >> Steven Fry giving a speech there. Yeah, >> that's pretty good.
>> Yeah, the people's choice award at hench. It's like Yeah, it's it's mostly it's like 70% left.
>> Yeah, exactly.
>> Roman Roman is almost killed by a landmine when it goes off next to him.
And again, I I I really I I I can suck all of the fun out of this by being like anti-personnel landmines aren't designed to kill people. They're designed to mutilate people because that way you have to stop and take care of the casualty. It's really a really nasty work. Anyway, he survives and the others are like, >> but he survives and begins working on a theory.
>> Hey Roman, how do you survive? And he just goes and just like shrugs and walks off, which is sort of the level of effort I expect from the screenwriting at this point. Um, >> they have a big [ __ ] chase. My notes at this point just say genuinely distressed. Everything's computer.
Everything's computer.
>> Oh my god.
>> Some practical explosions, but yeah, it's uh it's a lot of >> They can get explosions >> as far as re-shoots go. Let has to say a line containing the frame uh the phrase the device, you know, the shapes thing.
The mcguffin.
>> That's awesome.
>> And there's a cut in between the and device for no reason.
>> Maybe it had a much more unwieldy name.
>> They must have Yeah, it must have had a different name at some point. Yeah, the doomsday device or the the [ __ ] Yeah, I don't know this device.
>> If we if we if we talked about uh first seven, I think it was where we introduced um uh whatever it was. One of the things that we mentioned is this movie is better when it introduces wrestlers or this this series is.
>> Yes, >> absolutely.
>> And his name is Ernst Blofeld >> AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA.
John Cena is up. My time IS NOW MOVIE.
>> YES. OKAY. THIS IS the only winning grace for me. I love John Cena. He's one of the best of the wrestlers turned actors. He's right up there with John Batista who somehow hasn't been in these movies yet.
>> [ __ ] show me an advert. You piece of [ __ ] >> It's Yeah, he he shows up in in what must be a driverless car cuz we can't see him. No, he shows up in >> I guess I guess the opposite of the BDS Dodge Charger. He shows up in Dodge Charger.
>> Yeah, the Soda Stream Dodge Charger.
>> Oh no.
>> Hang on. I find out what that is.
>> Oh no.
>> He He shows up shows up >> and he says, "Why Why can Donald Trump win elections by not making promises about Israel, but Democrats apparently have to?" And then he scoops up the device and drives off a cliff onto a jet and flies away.
>> He does mo them.
>> He does them. He moss them.
>> Oh, [ __ ] >> I I I I I just want to read this note that I took verbatim just so you get a sense of my exasperation. When the plane shows up for him to drive onto it, I write down the plane makes the [ __ ] TIE fighter noise choke on my [ __ ] dick.
>> It literally does.
>> It does.
>> It does. And there's Marvel music when the guy shows up.
>> Oh my god.
>> So they have to escape.
>> Chase, they they escape. They do like a jump and then a hook shot and swing over.
>> I do want to highlight one move that Dom makes. Letty gets knocked off of her motorbike in midair. And he swings his car around so that she lands on the bonnet of his car instead of the soft lomy. And I just want to go, "Thank you so much, my man."
>> It was looking Yeah. The way the way they get out of it, >> as you say, is the hook shot thing. And I write down his beloved car will become his zipline, which isn't really anything.
>> Computer, they drive across a bridge.
>> Dom completed the water temple with the with the Dodge Charger, and that's how he can use the long shot.
>> This movie is two and a half hours long, by the way. So, we're going to we're going to have to Mustang. I should say it's a Zionist Ford Mustang. That's what it's called. that kind of practice.
>> Yeah, they do some cool computer [ __ ] and then because Americans, they're like, "All right, the military has stopped cuz we passed the border and military stopped."
>> Yeah. Your military doesn't back on the cargo plane. A ancient [ __ ] from the from the fourth, fifth, third movie, whatever. Second movie.
>> Yeah. Oh, that's that guy. What the [ __ ] >> He's like, "I got whatever." And Ramsey's like, "I decrypted the data.
Next location."
kind of funny thing. Remember when this where this guy was a was a cop? And remember when there was a junior Mr. Nobody CIA agent replacement Brian who they could have used for this and then just didn't.
>> Yeah. Why is why isn't he back? Why isn't he >> Yeah. Anyway, >> I don't know. Whatever. Maybe something.
>> This is This is the point at which we discover Oh my god. Secret brothers.
>> Yes.
>> Right.
>> Yes.
>> Who they're like that guy was Jacob Tretto, >> Don's brother. and and Roman, because this is the one [ __ ] thing he does in this movie, serves to go, "Oh, you're telling me that that you just so happen to have a secret brother who's also like a super cool like spy and he can drive literally like a bat out of hell, quote unquote. Um, and jumps off planes and catches planes and [ __ ] like that." And they go, "Yeah." They go, "Who could do that at Tretto?" It's just so trailer.
It's just trailer lines. It's all just like, "Oh, this if we if we really do this, this will be the coolest thing we've ever done." Gang, >> kill him. HE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. IT'S no purpose. Sorry, but kill Roman. Kill Roman. Kill Roman. 2K26.
>> Everyone has like a like a lost brother at this point.
>> They should kill one of them just to establish the stakes. That'd be good.
>> Kill someone. That's kind of the thesis of the movie at points and then it just doesn't, right? So, please.
>> We then go back to the flashback, right, with the kid playing playing Dom who does a really good job. He sounds a lot like >> Vinnie. This kid.
>> I I I like this. This is If you have to sort of like keep the franchise going, then yeah, you need to be casting younger actors. It's bad to do it as prequels, but whatever. Anyway, um >> yeah, >> this this this kid, he like um after his dad is killed, he stumbles upon Glenn, like >> the guy who was driving the car, >> master chocolate.
>> This is where we see the famous incident.
>> We didn't need to see it. We didn't need to see it.
>> And also they change >> because they they change it. Yeah.
Right. Because what it is is the guy comes and like goes to look at the car and is is caught by young John Cena.
>> Yeah.
>> And he's sort of like waggling his eyebrows at him. I'm like, "Oh, I can't pay my last respect to the guy I subol."
>> And young Don sort of kicks young Jake away and like tells the guy to leave.
And the guy attacks him.
>> Yeah, it sucks that it's provoked. The thing that was really good about Dom's backstory is that it was an unprovoked attack that he just went nuts and just raged out. That was a really compelling thing about him. And they It sucks that they changed it.
>> It's It's making Greo shoot first.
>> Yeah, >> it really is. Yeah, >> it kind of kills like one of the only interesting things about Dom because he doesn't even really lose his temper, right? like it's >> yeah his whole backstory was that one time he killed someone in anger and it has changed the way he approaches his life completely and he not only did he not >> in this but he's killing people left and right in this movie he doesn't care so so what so so [ __ ] me I guess for caring about this character >> one of the other things about this movie is that it's the same movie as three of three or four of the previous movies >> kind of more shoved through like one >> uh by We have to go to the evil family like Owen Shaw's evil family.
>> Yes.
>> And this evil family is John Cena and a like gay European billionaire Nepo baby who speaks entirely in Reddit.
>> He's like meant to be the son of the the head of state of country. They never say which one, but it's like strongly implied to be like Vladimir Putin's son basically. Um, also they they have a big guy. They have a Mighty Joe. And they they have Cipher here in the Hannibal Lecter Mr. Silver Bond transparent box inside a laser.
>> Magneto prison.
>> They have her in Magneto prison.
>> She's in the Magneto Joker Mr. Silver Bond prison. Yeah, >> I I can't stress enough the haircut. The haircut at this point now looks a bit like >> It looks like medieval Karen. It's kind of like >> asking you to see the feudal manager.
Yeah.
>> Yeah. Can I can I speak to the le lord, please? Um but so she gets a bit racist with it because >> you you you the you the audience might be wondering if John Cena is is um Vin Diesel's brother, why is he white? But you might questions I would say about this guy. I maybe wouldn't voice that objection because I don't necessarily know how to express it sensitively.
>> I as the movie would not feel so nervous about it that I need to put it in the mouth of at least two characters.
>> Yeah, Charlie does it.
>> It didn't occur to me actually.
>> Yeah. It goes, I didn't know the TETOS had a Nordic strain, which >> [ __ ] Skyrim ass. What?
>> I would I would genuinely sooner that they just told me, "Oh yeah, John Cena is Dominican." Like I don't partially cuz I don't give a [ __ ] anymore.
>> What if he was? I don't give a [ __ ] >> I just don't care.
>> She's like, "You're definitely a Torrettto." But I didn't know he had Nordic in there. It's like >> Also, she's like, "You have the same chin as your brother." And I'm like, "That's a really dumb thing to say where we're going to see them standing next to each other all on this movie and be like, "That's not the same chin at all."
>> Wow. you guys are definitely brothers.
It's like, no, they aren't. Shut up. But like, it's fine. It's fine.
>> You could be adopted. You could be half brothers. What do you like?
>> She runs the exact same thing as the the girl from Hobs and Shaw where she's like, "Oh, I'm [ __ ] super smart and I'm going to I'm I'm Hannibal Lecter."
And you're like weirdly insecure about your brother.
>> Yeah. She says a bunch of [ __ ] which is almost like verbaten quotes from my therapist where she's like you've lived your whole life in the shadow of your older brother and it's like really defined your personality and you feel a need to prove yourself because of your older brother and how great he is. And I'm just like I don't know. Stop saying this [ __ ] I I I get this [ __ ] in my [ __ ] in the rest of my life. I don't need it here in my entertainment as well. Like >> okay about my older brothers like and what do you want me to do about it? Just stop.
It's the basis of my whole personality.
>> I've got to take over the world anyway.
Like you [ __ ] help me with that or get out of the way. Hey, what am I paying you for?
>> I love how much this podcast is free therapy for us.
>> WHERE IS THIS? I'M ASKING I'M I'M constantly asking my therapist where the second half of the mcguffin is.
>> You got to tell me. I'm trying to build a device.
>> I I I sometimes get asked whether or not I would ever go to therapy by, you know, various courts. And I'm I'm like, uh, no. Because I I I I do it here for free essentially.
>> Yeah. I already put it out on the airwaves.
>> Yeah. Like, where's the second half of the [ __ ] [ __ ] And she's like, it's in Edinburgh. Go to Edinburgh. You get a tax break for filming.
>> It's next location.
>> So, so we go back to we go back to Good Family who have found a hideout in the Caspian for some [ __ ] reason.
>> To nobody's secret hideout.
>> Yeah.
The [ __ ] under Riftton sewers thing from Skyrim.
>> It's so crazy that [ __ ] that that Mr. Nobody is just like fine, by the way.
Like, he's still not a twist villain.
He's just just an evil guy, but he's like fine. He's cool. He's on their school.
>> We never find out whether he's dead or not. Like they don't rescue him at any point. Maybe. Yeah, maybe they didn't know. Maybe they weren't sure. Maybe the only other interesting thing in this movie, right, which is a a kind of subplot I like to call Roman Pierce contends with Destiny itself.
>> Mhm. This is almost an interesting use of Roman Pierce. It is because because I I I think if you're doing a movie like this where it's the 10th installment and no one has been killed, right, apart from Galadote, who we don't care about and we've never even seen a body anyway.
And a bunch of people was killed.
>> You got to remember Han was killed.
>> Yeah, for sure.
>> And and completely unrelatedly, a bunch of people we thought were dead have come back, right? You could start getting in your head about this, right? An interesting thing to do with this action thing would be to have your characters kind of realize that they're in an action movie. And Roman flirts with this for a second because he's like, I've had I've just had like the army, like an actual army just shoot at me and I'm fine. Like I'm completely >> It's not even like a scratch. Yeah. Like I'm fine. I have a scar.
>> Maybe I have like some kind of like narrative like plot armor going on. Like maybe I just can't [ __ ] die. And that's an interesting question to raise and maybe a slightly horrifying one. And it leads to all sorts of philosophical things.
>> Also, the way to conclude that would have been to kill a different character in this movie. The way to do would HAVE BEEN TO KILL LUDICROUS.
>> OH, WOULDN'T IT BE SO like Ludicrous or Ramsay or just >> just like suddenly and then have to have Roland deal with that? That would have been great.
>> Like, oh, wow. I guess we aren't immortal.
>> It's so weird that none of us have died doing this that we care about apart from woman. Uh, like it's it's >> well, they've all handled the amulet at this stage, so like they're fine.
They're all fine forever. It's >> it's it's going to get really weird in 50 years time when none of them have died and they're all being like, "What?
Actually, what's happening?" Like legitimately, >> I have no mouth and I must drive.
>> Yeah. 10,000 years. The sun is exploding. Ludicrous is still [ __ ] here somehow.
>> Yeah.
>> Floating in the [ __ ] void. Yeah.
>> It's just amazing. He's got a god respect ludicrous.
>> Immortality is a curse. You should know this, right? Like this is an interesting thing. Um but so yeah, Mia comes out of mom retirement >> while Brian is taking care of. She's like, I'm going to be in the movie. Yes, I respect.
>> She's like, I'm canonically your sister, which makes this guy my [ __ ] brother, too. So I have to be in the movie still.
>> Put me in the movie.
>> You have to put me in the movie. That's the guy who died. I'm still alive. I still need to eat. Put me in the [ __ ] movie. also forgotten that logically by the transitive property uh John Cena would be her brother as well. And it's helpful to me at this point legitimately that she just says that that she >> by the way he's my brother and I like like kept looking for him after you told him to [ __ ] off.
>> Yeah. It's like don't worry about the kids. My kids and yours are in the safest hands possible. Badly Brian the Lego pedophile. They're they're in the the yellow claws of a of a Lego pedophile. Um, also at this point, Ramsay explains what the McGuffin is. It's it can control any technology on Earth and turn into a >> weapon. Just pick them up before they turn 13. Well, >> you need you need both halves of the thing and then a special key and Han is connected to the key somehow. Cool.
Whatever.
>> Yeah, it's called It's called the Aries device. Like Aries, like the ram zodiac sign.
>> You already had that in Wonder Woman, but whatever. Whatever. It's a device.
You've got two hearts. If you put it together, you can computer harder than anyone ever has. Who gives a [ __ ] Yeah.
Okay. Kind. Fine. Cool.
>> Meanwhile, back in 1989, Dom is in prison and meets Leo and Santos, the two Spanish speaking guys.
>> Seen this.
>> I don't want to see this. I don't want Leo and Santos origins. I don't want to know how they met.
>> I want to know how he got his iconic dodge.
>> I begin to suspect that Jacob may have sabotaged the car. They do. I have I have a question. I have a question. So like Dom has a blessed amulet and Jacob has a blessed amulet.
>> Does dad Tereso just like not love his daughter? Cuz not only is she not not at the race, but also she never has a blessed amulet. So I don't know if that's >> We do. We see a flashback young Mia in the following scene. Actually, she doesn't have one then cuz when young Dom gets out of prison, he goes to a street race. Young Mia, young Letty, and young Jesse are there. Welcome back to the franchise.
[ __ ] Twinkle is back.
>> Yes.
>> Hey, and young Vince as well. Yay.
>> We have we have cast. That means we have casting for the whole original like crew, which means I I'm sure we'll see like a a prequel any day. Getting [ __ ] cooking it for sure. There's no doubt.
>> Yeah.
>> But I will say, here's what I will say.
This would be where they'd put the meat market shots in. And they don't. They don't.
>> They refuse to do. Woke finally.
>> Everyone's wearing big baggy jeans in these [ __ ] shots now.
Their asses look so much better than if they were out.
>> People are dancing and they're having a good time, but they're just dressed normal. I'm like, "You did it. We did it.
>> We did it. We did it."
>> It took 10 10 movies, but they did it.
>> It's going to get better, baby. It's going to get even more feminist in a few scenes time. Like Anita and giving this movie two thumbs up. Like no, probably not.
>> I was on my knees at this point. I was near crying. I was like, are we going to get an emotionally charged street race in my [ __ ] Fast and Furious movie?
>> We are.
>> Is it going to happen?
>> Do doing comparing the meat market shot with the lack of meat market shot in this one and being like Los Angeles before the Islamic Revolution. Uh anyway, so so inshah >> he meets young Jake and he's like, I know what you did last summer, right?
You killed our dad.
>> I am going to challenge you to an emotionally charged street race about this >> like from living your life a quarter mile at a time.
>> And if you win, you can just come back and we'll all be a family together. But if I win, you do not stop your car after the race. You keep driving and I never want to see you again as long as I >> Yeah. And we see they do they do the street race. We do NOS again if we remember >> in Yeah. Yeah. They do the NOS. They do the classic H. He did his NOS slightly too early, [ __ ] And we reveal what the BDS in the BDS dodge charger stands for, which is brother deported speedily because >> he just exiles his brother from LA County.
>> He does coldly brother bits his nos too early and he coldly just starts his takes over.
>> Jacob [ __ ] goes no and just keeps driving. That's it. Wow. Wow. Dom Tretto, the avatar of family, turned his back on his brother when he needed him the most. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. This is the moment he truly became. Jacob Tretto >> didn't even stop and check in whether he whether he really actually did kill their dad. He's just No, just get out.
>> Yeah. No. Yeah. He he uses Jacob's inability to like stand up for himself as proof that he did it, which >> younger brother, everybody knows that he's going to be able to stand up for himself so easily.
>> Yeah.
>> Um I also will say this is soundtracked by a um a remix like a sample of Breathe by Prodigy. You You [ __ ] up. Don't do that. Because when I heard the music started coming out, I was like, "Holy [ __ ] it's breathed by Prodigy and then it wasn't. It was some [ __ ] rapping."
>> Yeah, that's rapping. I mean, we know that raped noble way of expressing your feelings, but in this case, >> living my life a quarter mile at a time.
>> So, >> about to exile my brother. Yeah.
>> In the future, Dom has to go and confront uh I forget his [ __ ] name. I called him baseball capman in the thing.
>> Oh, yeah. He goes to ask the mechanic.
He's like He's like, "What's next location?" And the mechanic's like, "It's London. It's London. It's It's Michael Rooker. He was there because he was their mechanic. He kind of raised Jacob after Dom told him to [ __ ] off, which is crazy because that guy was like 24 when he was told to [ __ ] off. So, I don't know how much more raising was left.
>> He offers Dom a Corona of regret and Dom doesn't drink it.
>> Dom doesn't drink it. He doesn't even drink his refreshing Corona. He's so determined.
>> That's crazy.
>> So, they split up, right? So, Dom's going to London. Uh Letty and Mia are going to Tokyo. Uh, for some reason TZ Roman and Ramsey are going to Cologne.
Not sure why, but whatever. So, the gangs all split up.
>> They lump TZ Roman and Ramsey together too much. I just >> Yeah. Yeah. That's not great. Um, so we go we go to I think we go to Tokyo first, right?
>> Yeah, we do Tokyo first. And there we've got Okay. All right. We got a scene and it's just Lety and Mia. Can we [ __ ] land it? Nine 10 movies. Can we land it?
>> Not yet. We can't because they they go to Hans's old shop which we remember was in the back of a nightclub in the back of a karaoke bar.
>> They do have a chat.
>> Before they do, they they do have a chat. And the thing that I love about this is that they're they're meant to be eating ramen and it is not yet essentially.
>> That's not yet.
>> No, they they do. No, they have a chat and then they see the flag.
>> Okay. Yeah.
>> At the end of the go into the house.
>> First, they go to Hans's old shop which is in back of a nightclub, which is in back of a karaoke bar. And we have this scene where they're like, "How did Mr. Nobody know Han. And then it's like [ __ ] Jazelle was in MSAD. Whatever.
[ __ ] it.
>> Okay.
>> Oh my god. Yeah. Okay. [ __ ] we'll talk about this hit because there's a bit where Mr. Nobody says something like when I was running the Central American drug trade.
>> Yeah.
>> Good times. Um when I was running the Native American That's not right. When I was running South American drug trade was a different CIA department. Uh, he said, "When I was running the South American trade as part of the CIA, >> Jazelle was helping me because it was a joint massage CIA operation.
>> Best agent." And it's like, "Oh, cool.
That's the good guys, by the way."
>> It's also crazy that this is one of those things where it's like, "This can have been a conspiracy theory for like 70 years and then it gets put in fast night."
>> Fast.
>> Yeah.
>> I'm just like, "Oh, yeah. The CIA was trafficking cocaine in order to start the crack epidemic and fund the [ __ ] Contras. People used to get killed for saying that [ __ ] Um anyway, >> yeah, it's been long enough now that you can be like, "Yeah, we did that. It's fine."
>> Then then they have a chat and what we get >> then kind of staring a staring contest between two actresses to see how long they can make it before having to use chopsticks on camera or be filmed eating anything like crazy. They're just stirring it. They're both stuck there just stirring the pot.
>> So good.
>> I I think I think Mia loses this one by eating a single radish with the chopsticks. It's >> really good. And then they see they see a Mexican flag hanging up in a >> Yeah, they don't. So in this damn it >> in this scene, Mia says, "Oh yeah, I stayed in touch with Jacob for a little while." Yeah. It's like, "Oh, that's crazy." And then then then she says she says to Letty, "How are you feeling?"
AND WE GET BACK TEST PASS, BABY.
>> WE DID IT.
>> WE DID IT. Two women with names talking to each other about SOMETHING OTHER THAN A MAN. WE [ __ ] did it.
>> Oh my god.
>> Feminism final victory.
>> Hours of film.
>> 2021.
>> It's like three sentences.
She spends exactly three sentences talking about herself and being like, "The action legitimately is the juice for me." Before she talks about her her like adoptive son, Brian and it's like, "Okay, fine." But that counts for a beautiful moment there.
>> Women are people. Woo. They have internality.
>> Going to your therapist and being like, "Yeah, I think for my mom, the action really was the juice." I think my mom was kind of like a Wayne. Like >> my mom was kind of a Wayne Grow.
Wayne Gro personality disorder. Um, >> found in the wilderness and raised by Wayne.
>> Yeah, my mom was big into the heisting scene. I had she gave like Wing Grow by proxy.
>> This is just one battle after another.
Anyway, that is just flatly true. That is >> You're so right. All right, moving on.
>> If I had to summarize that movie in a in a in a sentence, it's my mom had Wayne Grow disorder.
>> Oh, I I see Mexican flag.
>> They see a Mexican flag and they go, "Oh, Han always said that Tokyo was his Mexico."
>> Yeah.
>> Do you not think maybe a Mexican guy could just be living there?
>> No. They find >> that has to be Han. Okay.
>> The only Mexican flag in Tokyo. And >> I guess it was overlooking his favorite ramen shop or something. Who gives a like? Yeah. Come on.
>> They have a they have a long fight scene. Um or or do we cut to we do the rocket thing first if we >> Well, let's do the rocket thing because we cut we cut to what we're told in titles is the Yain Jet Propulsion Test Site, which is an interesting name, right? I know they just made it up for the movie, but I cannot but attribute that to Sigman Yain, the only East German cosmonaut. And therefore, I'm forced to conclude that in the Fast and Furious timeline, Germany was reunified by East Germany. And >> yes, I'm willing to believe that.
>> Cannon. That's all of you are communists.
>> Write it down if you're listening to this right now. That's canon. That's going in with that immediately plugging that straight into the hallucination layer. You're right. Fantastic.
>> Oh my god. That means The Rock killed like 50 Volks Pulitzi with a magnet in like a couple of Anyway, >> also Hedwig and the Angry Inch never happened. Wait, no, it did happen cuz she she went east. Great. Perfect. Um, also >> phenomenal.
>> We see Lucas Black, Twink, all from Tokyo Drift, >> looking old.
>> Yeah, >> the roughest 23y old I've ever seen in my life.
>> This is something that I say every day looking in the mirror. Um, Twink is old now. It's It's crazy.
>> Twink. I did not recognize him at first.
>> He But the other thing is as he's confronted, we find out that he stopped going by Twink. He experienced twink death.
>> Yeah, presumably he goes by twink now or something.
>> Well, this is also the closest I think the franchise comes to acknowledging the existence of gay people because like teas and Roman make fun of him like you used to be called twink and he's like I I don't get called by called that anymore. It's like okay so we're acknowledging that's a funny thing to call like >> don't don't don't acknowledge homosexuality in these movies. That's for the fourth rail. It keeps the tension alive. Lucas Black is trying to honor Charlie Kirk because he has built an entire car just to carry the flame.
>> He has taken so >> he's taken a Pontiac Fiero and put a rocket engine on it and they're racing it against a fighter jet, >> but the fighter jet is a MiG 15. Uh look up what the NATO reporting name is for that. It's a it's a good time. But also that's that's a that's a Soviet jet.
This is East Germany. Fast and Furious.
Germany's communist. It's communist.
Yeah. Okay, cool. Not entirely sure why TZ Roman and Ramsey went to see, but all right.
>> I tell this guy to head on down to Fatburg.
>> Um, >> yeah. Um, in London.
>> Yeah. They go they go to see him and and they're like, "Okay." Like they go, "We need some wheels." And the guys go, "All right, well, the [ __ ] Honda dealership's like 300 miles that way. I don't know why the hell you're here."
And they go, "Dom Tretto sent us." And they play the like Marvel music.
Dom Tretto and then they undercut it cuz one of them goes, "Who's Dom Tretto?"
And that's also Marvel [ __ ] That's Marvel again. Like >> you're just it's formulaic. I'm going to kill >> in London. We go to Bles.
>> Mhm.
>> And >> Ellen [ __ ] Mirin.
>> There's a fancy party taking place at Boodles. It would have been really funny to have a meat market shot here.
>> They should have done it. Just cut across the just everyone in Boodles with their mid rifts out. That would have been really [ __ ] funny.
>> [ __ ] Oh, that would have been so >> Ellen. Ellen [ __ ] Mirin.
>> Ellen [ __ ] Mirin.
>> She's been on the Rob. She's been robbing this place. Um, and meets Dom.
>> Hey, they get to do a scene together.
Good for them.
>> Yeah, this is good. Like finally getting to do a scene with the guy who runs your like D&D campaign.
>> Mhm.
>> And >> yeah, they actually had the money that they could film in London instead of Glasgow for London now. So, we get like a chase sequence. We get my my favorite gender sad cop siren when a cop car is damaged.
>> Helen Mirin jumps in a purple McLaren and it's like tearing [ __ ] up and it's like a funny gag cuz she drives.
>> She also says, "You looking for one of my sons."
>> Acknowledging finally the second son.
He's back in the good graces. Bry the biggest party in Wales. He's back.
>> She knows which way the [ __ ] winds are blowing. That's >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the the problem is that like Decard is 100% a reform voter, right? But so she only >> God Yeah. Yeah.
>> So So like the that that's the modern political split in the Shaw family is the daughter is green. Uh Decad is reform, Owen is Yeah.
>> So they shouldn't have ever sent Owen off to the like [ __ ] orphanarium for evil brothers.
>> They did the same thing to Jacob in this movie, actually.
>> Yeah, for real. So she she genuinely has to get through school as well.
>> She has to get through a scene being like, "Oh, you had a secret evil brother." without acknowledging the plot point that she also had a son who had a secret evil brother.
>> Yeah. Look, if I have two sons, I really hope one of them gets to be the secret evil son. That sounds great.
>> That sounds like a good time, actually.
>> Yeah.
>> When I transition, my brothers had to flip a coin.
>> You got to You've got to dedicate one as well. You got to choose which one to send off to the orphanarian. It was it was difficult for me because my parents were kind of unconventional with it in that they sent me to the secret evil brother orphanarium even though I didn't have any siblings. So, I'm just kind of out there looking for revenge, but I'm not really clear about like who.
>> I'm the author of someone's pain.
>> I've been authoring pain all over the shop, but to be honest, it's kind of an author of pain left, right, and center.
>> I authored it remotely.
>> The the the pain the pain is more of a to whom it may concern at this point.
Like, I don't even know. I'm I'm starting to suspect the author of My Pain used AI to write it cuz a lot of it's bollocks.
>> So she's like, "Oh yeah, you've got to go to next location."
>> Yeah. Edinburgh.
>> Yeah. This is kind of cute. She's like, "Oh yeah, some guy did show up and buy a bunch of weapons off of a beautiful local seller." He's like, "Was it you?"
And she's like, "Look, I mean, >> a shadowy Ellen Mirin shapes informant.
>> Got to do what you got to do."
>> Then she drops him off at >> the the hideout. next location.
>> It's a big mansion. There's a party going on.
>> Dancers who are like sexy, but it's >> Yeah, it's like bodycon dresses rather than TNA. And I'm like, okay.
>> It's sort of it's sort of like an echo of the meat market. It's like the meat market with the sort of suppressor screwed onto the muzzle. It's um it's it's it's odd, right? Because they do need four plots for this to be like sexy women.
>> Um >> there's sexy women here. But yeah, but they just don't I don't know. It's it's odd. It feels like it's been sanded off.
>> Instead, we spend the time on a cameo from Cardi B.
>> Oh, that comes later. We'll get to that.
I'm going to shoot myself when we do.
Um, we we roll up and Otto the Eurochaser from Lovely Lady RPG is there >> being being like, "Here's my backstory.
By the way, my dad is a dictator. I've got infinite money. I own all of this shit."
>> Um, and Dom's like, "Okay, >> where's where's Jacob? I didn't ask."
>> Yeah.
>> He takes him to see his his his brother.
Um, and they want to be doing Bond. So, >> it's God. Yeah, it's so it's so um No Time To Die. It's crazy. It's all just like lush lighting and like slowly pulling through his thing. And I will say John Cena does great.
>> You remember [ __ ] Kristoff Walls was Bond's evil brother.
>> Yeah, >> John Cena does great as fake Bond. Like >> he does. He's He's like, I was the author of all your pain.
>> Turns out I was the author of all your pain.
>> Yeah. Crazy, right? And then when Dom pulls a gun on him, Otto is like, "Here's how here's two things that aren't how this works." Um, because >> guess what? I my dad's a head of state.
This is an embassy. No, it's not.
>> So that means that what you just did was storming into my country and trying to kidnap someone. So I got my boys from NATO here and a bunch of NATO guys.
>> It's like interval. It is >> because because like normal cops aren't cool enough to arrest Dom. M >> Yeah. Guess what, [ __ ] This is a church. I consecrated it just before you walked in. Now you go >> that [ __ ] before I walked in to burn.
>> So >> So then he gets taken away by the guys.
>> Yeah.
>> But then they take off they take off their mask and it turns out cuz they she he did run into Cardi B outside the party and then she takes off her helmet.
It's Cardi B again. And then all the all the people, it's all the sexy ladies who are dancing. It's like we all work for Helen Mirin. Also, Cardi B is playing herself, by the way.
>> She's not playing a character. She's just herself.
>> This is this is the the second allgirl tactical unit in this universe. But the first one was, I guess, busy. So, >> oh yeah, >> they just have them, I guess. Yeah, >> they just This is a world This is a world in which Germany is unified under the banner of communism and there are like all girl tactical units just [ __ ] zip tying people. I think I may have hallucinated this one. Like I I I don't know.
>> It's gone past the John Wick event horizon, hasn't it? between like >> it's like like what happens in John Wick in between the second and third movies where it goes from being a >> like plausibly undercover secret world to being everyone in the world is a spy now.
>> Mhm.
>> Everyone in the world is a spy now in Fast and Furious.
>> We will the John Wick movies.
>> That's the longest movie I'm ever going to ask you to watch. Cardi B even says like, "If it weren't for you, Dom Tretto, I'd still be stealing gas in the Dominican Republic." Which like, okay. I don't know. That's a weird to imply that like Dom Tretto gave Cardi B her music career, but okay. Okay.
>> No, that's canon. Yeah, she definitely did.
>> All of these girls also are are models fairly clearly, I would say, because they look like models. And so what you have is like a truck full of bored models hanging out in tactical gear which again is sort of what it would look like at mine if I won the lottery.
Like there would be signs >> just hang just hanging out.
>> Yeah.
>> Not saying or doing anything.
>> Good for her. You know what Cardi B if you [ __ ] try you can be in this series 10 movies from now if you genuinely dig your heels in. Ludicrous did it. You can do it.
>> The other thing she does is she gives she gives Dom Tretto a gun which has Jacob's fingerprints on it. This will be important in two seeds time where we do some [ __ ] with that.
>> I fully don't remember this. So, we go back to Japan. Back to Japan.
>> Here we go.
>> Mia and Letty have done some breaking and entering on this flat with a Mexican flag. Cool.
>> Now, here's my problem. If you have a scene that's got two women in it, like that's that you could break the beell test there. Good work. Go right for you.
If you have a scene with three women in it and it's all of your women, I know that you've just been like, "Let's do a woman plot."
>> Yeah. It's like, let's make them do a woman mission over here.
>> When they talk about female only spaces for women and girls, right, what they mean is the sea plot of fast nine.
>> It just it would just be so simple to swap them over. But >> because as they're breaking in, some goons follow them in. They have to fight the goons. Liy gets kind of a fight scene. It's kind of >> Mia gets to fight.
>> MIA DOES SOME FIGHTING.
>> MIA IS A CHARACTER in the movie. We did it. They they do something that would have been charming eight movies ago where she's reaching to fight a guy in the kitchen and she hits him with the first thing she can find which is a ladle and she gets a little reaction shot off of that Indiana Jones style.
Then hits him with a frying pan. It's kind of cute.
>> And then this teenage girl also appears and kicks ass. This is L. Her name is L.
Write a single note about her. She's not important.
>> She does like kick ass in a Marvel.
And and and then as they're escaping, right, they're like a sniper starts starts shooting goons and I go, "Oh, they made Han Garris Vicarian Mass Effect 2."
>> They [ __ ] did >> and it's Han.
>> And it's Han and he's alive. And I wrote, "And with that, Frank Transporter has been entirely redeemed.
>> Every misdeed from his backstory has been shown to have not happened." I wish that we I wish that the mid-credit scene did not cut away because I actually genuinely wanted to see what he was going to say when they came face to face again. But >> they returned to lion.
>> All right, sunshine. Just went back to my hometown. It's the same.
>> Just got in the same river. No problem.
>> It's the same. So am I.
>> It's the same. So am I. Nothing's different.
>> H is alive. It's crazy.
>> Cool.
>> He's He's He's got He doesn't have the like scene hair anymore. He's got like normal adult hair, which happens to all of us in the end.
>> Grow the scene hair right now.
>> Yeah, I know.
>> Everybody but the girls converges on uh Edinburgh Castle where the bad guys the bad guys are already heisting the second half of the McGuffin. John Cena is ziplining around Edinburgh like it's [ __ ] Attack on Titan.
>> It's crazy here for the zipline. Yeah. Nobody's like, "Who the is that John Cena ziplining around Edinburgh?" Like he he they're like, "He's not on any of the roads." And there's a bit where he goes Don goes like, "He's not using roads."
And we just see him ziplining. Yeah.
>> Attack on Titan. Yeah.
>> I have I have a long long laundry list of things to say about the Edinburgh scene. Starting with the fact that in the establishing shot they have to speed up the trains coming into Waverly to make them look less [ __ ] >> Yeah, that's funny.
>> That's so funny.
They're tracking John Cena's location using his biometric signature, which is bollocks. That's what the gun was for.
>> Yeah. They're like they're like heisting the other half of the power cube using two guys disguised as delivery drivers.
>> Um, but they don't know that. And so what kind of functionally happens is that Roman is in Britain for 10 minutes and then the sort of ambient airborne desire to attack delivery drivers just seizes him.
>> That's very true. That's very real.
>> DPD kill him. Right. Like >> sorry you were out. I'll kill you.
>> Yeah. Every more like never.
>> None.
Just like this is a man who has not been radicalized by a Ring doorbell footage of his park of his p of his parcel of like porcelain being thrown over his garden fence, but instead just like picks up on the vibes here.
>> DPD definitive personnel destruction.
>> He does also describe this as where's Waldo in Harry Potter world which I think may be giving JK Rowling too much credit for her influence over Edinburgh.
Although to be fair kind of bits. The role model is Harry Potter world. The reason he spots these henchmen is that they have cauliflower ears and he's like they must fight a lot and it's like you are in Scotland man like people play rugby here. You know >> it's really good to racially profiling the area but doesn't know anything about it. He sees two barristers like these [ __ ] are out here wearing like George Washington wigs. I don't understand what's happening.
>> Yeah. We We're also sleeping on the sexiest car in the whole movie, which is of course the Police Scotland Scoda Octavia that's in the background of two.
>> That's a real man's vehicle. Also, Ramsay in all the shots of Ramsay where she's on her [ __ ] laptop. Directly behind her in all the shots is the is KJB listeners point of pilgrimage the al cove that I stayed in that one night in Edinburgh.
>> The on screen like >> that's the alve.
>> Hell yeah.
Yeah, minor appeal. Nice of them to give us a little Ry nod cuz we've been really watching these movies. So, that's good.
>> Yeah, we put the hours in.
>> We also discover in this sequence that Lud Ludicrous is is is a talented actor, but not a particularly good action former because >> it's it's notable that like Roman is is a much better fighter here.
Yeah, they're like fighting guys in the back of the truck and then in order to chase uh [ __ ] uh Otto, Ramsay has to drive the truck and she doesn't drive.
Which is cute. This is something for like girly girls.
>> It's also very transgender.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. She's on the phone with Vin Diesel being like, "Listen, I live in London.
You don't really have to drive when you're in London. I I never learned it."
>> That's fun. Yeah. But so while while Vin Diesel is chasing John Cena down the zipline, Ramsay is driving the truck and because we're actually filming in Edinburgh, we get like I get taken out by seeing Lasiguanas or >> I did not.
>> It's a weirdly low shot of Lasiguanas.
There's there's like a PR and this is where I finally get to say in my country you can get an everyday meal deal at Pratt for six quid. Gay boy.
>> Yes.
>> Yeah, we did it.
>> We did it. We'll be waiting a long time for them to be in Cardiff. I'll tell you that.
>> But in the back of this vehicle is this this huge electromagnet setup. And we begin what becomes >> quite fun over the course of this movie.
Something I will give it um the electromagnet [ __ ] which starts now and does not end >> until the end of the movie.
>> It's it's like they can make cars do impossible things and they're like pulling stuff through walls and so on.
>> They're pulling [ __ ] Yeah. And they use it to like disrupt the [ __ ] electronics so that John Cena can steal a bunch of [ __ ] It's not >> It also explains why the why the goons don't just shoot them because the guns get pulled out of their hands so they have to fight hand to hand.
>> Yes. Yeah.
>> At one point John Cena presses triangle next to a Scottish civilian and we get an ADR line of a man GOING like all of the Scottish civilians are so heavily accented.
>> Yeah, it's really good. It's what it feels like. Besides the lassiguanas, there is one Edinburgh detail that as a Scotland resident of many years pleases me, which is Oso is driving, right? And he has to pick up John Cena after a after a fight scene in which he he and Vin Diesel are fighting through um my living room for some reason.
>> Yeah.
>> And and he misreads the map and is left driving up too low down.
>> No, literally road which is crossed by Waterloo Place except the crossing is a bridge. There's no access from a mistake I have made the first time I went to Edinburgh. Very pleasing.
>> Yeah, I I did write legitimate Edinburgh moment.
>> I'm being panded too. Thank you.
>> Here's here's Right. Okay, let's say I I'll be kind about this one scene cuz I'm going to be very mean for the rest of this. This one sequence is really fun and wellought out and I had a great time watching it. A fun gimmick. Yeah.
>> Yeah. I love the magnet. I loved I loved the ziplining. It was all It was all great. It was really fun.
>> At the end of it, they capture John Cena. Cool.
>> They capture John Cena by using the magnets to like pull him through a building. Same. Really cool.
>> Fun.
>> Then they ruin it for me by immediately having Otto do some some [ __ ] movie lines.
>> We get some postmodern film making because Otto is trading Star Wars references with Charlie Throne in the laser cage. And Charlie's throne literally says to him, "If this was a movie, this would be the point where the villain suffers a minor setback and overcorrects and makes a mistake." And I wrote, >> "Well, you know, I mean, I've said it like 15 times so far. If you haven't bleeped it yet, bleep it now. Kill yourself. Kill yourself right now. Stop making these movies."
>> This is something that could be something because we're dabbling with the kind of postmodern sort of awareness that you're in a movie. That was It's interesting if Roman Pierce is like, "Holy [ __ ] I can't die. I'm going to start testing the limits of this world."
like like episode two of Life on Mars.
>> It's kind of fun. Yeah.
>> Well, by the same token, Cyher being the only person who knows that she's in a movie, but instead it's like kind of just it's weanesque. It's annoying.
>> Sorry for Charlie's Theron in this scene cuz she's a good actor. And I'm like, "Oh, it's not it's not nice to treat actors that way to make them say stuff."
>> Yeah. But so but so also was like cuz he gets like epically sigma owned by her.
He's like, "I'm going to do some more references. hire like Chewbacca and the Millennium Falcon to find John Cena.
>> And I this struck me as probably realistic in that if you are a mercenary in this day and age, you probably do end up having to work for a rich guy who's read it. Um >> yeah, almost certainly >> every rich guy's Reddit now.
>> That's a shame. Or Twitter. Oh god.
>> Oh yeah, it could be worse. Yeah.
Meanwhile, back at Family HQ in the Caspian, they imprison John Cena.
>> Family HQ >> and then Han uh Han Ley and Mia rolls up. So everyone's back together. Also, the kid is here.
>> Oh my god, Hans's alive.
>> Oh my god, Hans alive.
>> Almost not time spent.
>> And we get this scene where they're like, "Han, how how the [ __ ] are you alive?"
>> And he's like, "Well, okay. When Galgador died, I went and I hung out with a bunch of teenagers for a while in Tokyo, which is really weird." And then Mr. Nobody Mr. Nobody visited, told me that he used to run the the drug trade in Central America with MSAD. That's Don't worry about that. He He got me to steal the Aries technology from some scientists. It was man from Uncle [ __ ] This scientist couple made it. They had a daughter. They immediately got Batmaned by a car bomb and then goons attacked. So I saved the daughter, raised her as my own, taught her to be a ninja. Her DNA is the key to unlock Aries. Uh and then when Frank Transporter came to assassinate me, we used that as cover for me to slip away so that no one could ever find Aries.
And I'm like, "Okay, so okay, so >> that's really good. Frank thought he was killing me for real."
>> Canonically, >> that means that that Han got twothirds of the way through the plot of Tokyo Drift and then was like, "Yeah, I'm done with this. I'm out."
>> Sooner faked my death than hang out with these teenagers for >> Yeah, I'm [ __ ] done. I don't give a [ __ ] about anything. He shares zone Lucas Black was like, "Yeah, you go finish the movie. I'm I'm done. Hit the brakes."
>> Yeah.
>> That has got to be the single most reccon scene in television history. Like every one of these movies has featured at least one like new angle of that attack like Ascar exploding.
>> If I were Lucas Black, I would be quite angry at uh >> I would too at Han.
>> I was genuinely worried they would spend the entire movie and just not have them ever meet and they basically >> Yeah. Cuz cuz that would be like that changed the trajectory of my life.
>> Yeah. Yeah. I'm making [ __ ] rocket cars in in liberated East West Germany.
>> I was so stressed out by it that I aged 20 years.
>> I became the drift king of Tokyo because I thought you died.
>> I did for you.
>> I mourned you like Charlie Kirk. You son of a [ __ ] >> I married your flame. So, I'm I'm thinking right that like this this is like a really impactful dramatic thing we're setting up for, right? I'm so excited to see this in the movie to have that confrontation to have Lucas Black finally pay off all of the stuff from like the previous movies and really like experience growth and and process that grief and that trauma.
>> They'll [ __ ] tell.
>> That'll be good. We'll get to that.
Moving on. DON'T EVEN WARN HIM UNTIL Han walks in at the end. They don't even be like, "By the way, Lucas, there's something we got to tell you, man." It's a surprise. [ __ ] >> But so so obviously the mercenaries the mercenaries find them, right? And they and all of their guns, they and all of their guns crowd into the room with the electromagnet.
>> Um, just fill in the rest of the [ __ ] scene yourself. Oh, [ __ ] E. I hate I really liked that last sequence and then they had the like if this was a movie dialogue and then they had the thing where where Mr. Nobody was like when I was running the Native American drug trade. I [ __ ] Yeah.
>> You do not want to know. You do not want to know some of the packages Windlifter was carrying for the CIA.
>> Oh my god.
>> Oh. Oh, Windlifter.
It's like It's like, "Oh, I want to like your movie, but you're just so evil.
Like, stop making the movie be evil, please."
>> Well, at least Galado is really dead.
>> At this point, Dom confronts Jacob and is like, "Why? Why did you kill our dad?" And he says, >> "Yeah, >> dad ordered me to sabotage the car so that he could throw the race because we were in debt. I didn't know it was going to explode, but the idea was to throw the race." And my notes say >> I'd have driven slower.
>> I also would have done that.
>> Honestly, really good.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> There are easier ways, safer ways to do that.
>> One of the other problems. Sorry. Go ahead.
>> No, I was going to say 13206 official time of villain did nothing wrong.
>> Yes, >> we will begin the he will be coming into the family from this.
>> No one can ever have malign motives ever.
>> HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. He didn't do anything wrong. It's another Vegeta.
>> Next movie, we're going to figure out why Cyher was like that. Like, it's just it's DOMINICA'S BABY.
>> IS SHE YOUR [ __ ] COUSIN? THIS IS SO CRAZY.
>> But so they use the electromagnet. They fling everybody across the room. Uh John Cena escapes with Oso. Uh [ __ ] Dom has to like hold off the like waves of goons by throwing them into the bottomless pit. The Darth Maul pit.
>> Baines guy.
>> He's killing He's killing people in this one. He's killing people.
>> He bans a guy off. Yeah.
>> Yeah. He kills a bunch of people and then when he is unable to continue defeating them, he pulls the pillars down like Samson on himself.
>> I also wrote this down. Yeah. And so as he's as he falls to the it turns out the bottomless pit isn't bottomless like that green.
>> There's water down there. And as we know when you're going fast enough water it acts kind of like a cushion. So he's fine.
>> Yeah. What he goes is he goes to the revery dimension where he he remembers >> he experiences a vision using the car force and realizes that everything Jacob just told him is right. Even the bits that he wasn't there for, he remembers those too.
>> Yeah. Yeah. He kind of he goes to his memory palace. He's like working on the car with his dad and his dad is telling him like see Dom that cars like this Dodge Charger are immortal. Like the determination of the Palestinian resistance, >> they're just they're going to keep on through the generations.
>> Iconic BDS Dodge Charger origins as well. Now bear in mind this is like 1975. So when Jack Terretto says that he stands unequivocally with Palestinian resistance, he's talking about like the PLO. He's talking about Black September.
>> He was like a PFLP guy.
>> He's talking about the Munich Olympic massacre. He's like, I believe in that.
That was >> He was the first guy to put like a full like color spray paint art of Leila Har on the side of his van. Like >> he was locked in about that [ __ ] Yeah.
>> Meanwhile, Jacob Jacob's hanging out with Hillary Clinton. Yeah.
>> And finally, Lety comes into his memory palace and hits him with a Mercy overwatch, you know, and rescues him.
>> So good. He's like, I Oh, I remember my dad actually was in debt. And I did I did hear him say, "Jacob now," just before I came over him on that fateful day.
>> And I did see him sabotage the engine even even though I wasn't standing there and didn't have that angle on it. I remembered it very close up actually.
Really weird. Yeah.
>> 4K allus [ __ ] and he's like, "Oh no, I turned my back on family just when it needed me the most." This is like Don Terretto's original sin. They're trying to cast it as >> cool. So now we got to go to Georgia because >> we figure out in order to activate they've got all the pieces of the thing now. But in order to activate it, they're going to have to launch a pirate satellite, right? So we're going to have to stop them on the ground and retrieve the orb and L.
>> And someone's going to have to go into space to stop the satellite. But in order to do that, we'd need some kind of rocket.
>> Some kind of car with a some kind of Pontiac Fiero with a [ __ ] jet engine attached to it. H.
>> I wonder if anyone racist has one of those.
I wonder >> Uh-huh.
>> Oh, I got someone on the Rolodex, actually. All right, let's head on out to [ __ ] liberated West Germany.
>> So, they they they they do um >> they they fully just launch Roman fired into space.
>> They shoot T and Roman into space. There is a shot where Roman is looking out over the beautiful blue marble and like >> coming to terms with his place in the universe. And I don't know, maybe the whole movie franchise was worth it just to get that shot. Maybe it was all worth it.
>> Very very funny. I I mean this is a good time for Roman to have that existential crisis, right? To be like we are in Amortal.
>> I could you could just I just popped the door right now. I wouldn't die.
Something would happen to me, right?
like um >> he's going William Shatner mode in space.
>> Yeah. Meanwhile, because Georgia won the who can give Fast 9 the biggest tax break uh thing, we are in Georgia, we're in TLY where they are launching the satellite into space and also doing at least three of the earlier movies. You know how in every other Fast and Furious movie it's like we got we got the bad guys in like an armored truck command center and like one of the crew have been captured and is in the back of it.
There are a bunch of like evil black BMWs escorting it. Like >> you're telling me there's an articulated computers lorry in this sequence? That's [ __ ] crazy.
>> I remember that from the other eight >> the truck enemy of the car.
>> Oh, enemy of >> Yeah.
>> Yeah. At one point Mia attacks the driver of one of the trucks. Mia earns herself a technical crime scene.
>> So does Han Han also >> Yeah. The family attack and their cars have electromagnets in. So they it's quite inventive the way they can like they also the magnets can also repel metal which I don't sure don't think you can do that >> functionally this is car bending.
>> Yeah. Yeah they do car they use the car force and carb. Yeah you know >> struggle. Yeah electromagnets. Okay fine whatever [ __ ] magnets. How do they work? How do they work? They work like this. Whatever. Who cares? Maybe >> it's like this movie takes place in a universe where this is how magnets work.
Fine.
>> The the the way they defeat the mighty Joe. the guy who doesn't even get a Mr. surname name >> doesn't doesn't go to line >> is is just by like putting like [ __ ] him attaching him to the door with the electromagnet of the truck and forcing him out in a way that pulls the pin on the grenade that's in his vest does perfect he does perfectly hit the Steve Harvey when he finds out the plasma grenade on his knee cannot be disarmed >> reacts um >> sorry damn that's not the >> are doing some crazy [ __ ] with [ __ ] cars in this. Don does something incredible with the magnets. There's a bit where and by the way, they all betray Jacob anyway, so he doesn't even has to like break with them. They just >> get on the on the team's call with the bad guys. Like, by the way, we put Charlie Siron and her doofy ass haircut in charge. And she said, "Computers computers say that you got to betray Jacob cuz Fambble is all in your brains, Morty." And then then Mighty Joe fights Jacob on top of a truck and then Don has to save him.
>> Yeah. They have to rescue John Cena and like they both Mia and Dom independently like trust him to like get in her car.
>> Yeah, >> they they save him by like spinning a car around and it like catches him falling and delivers him at Mia. It is it's ridiculous. It's [ __ ] magic at this.
>> This is 100% the bit that opens white noise about the joy and optimism of the car crash in American movies.
>> Like a little bit though, right? So, but so they rescue John Cena and he immediately there is a bit that I like which is where the bad guys open fire and there are civilians in the way and Dom heroically positions his car between the bad guys and the civilians. I'm like that is a moment of actual heroism.
>> You have like that's anti anti violence self-sacrifice and he did it with a car.
Good. Nice. I like it.
>> So John John Cena plugs nearest zipline into his car's GPS and like books it right.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. He leaves. He's out.
>> Mia Yeah. Mia forgives John Cena. Also, there's nothing to forgive.
>> The way they do this is by doing the driving stare from Too Fast Too Furious.
>> They do. Yeah.
>> The very meaningful looks while you're driving. And then in order to destroy the truck, they have to because this is a wrestling movie.
>> Suplex the truck.
>> Yeah, they do.
>> They suplex the truck. Yo, >> they can't do it until suddenly John Cena comes back and helps them do it.
That one's fast enough.
Your time is up. Flip the car. Yeah.
Okay. And and fine. It's fine. It's fine. Cool.
>> Shall we talk about space?
>> In space.
>> Yeah. Yeah. In space. The big the big the big timer towards bad is is ticking up. And >> because Roman growing green.
>> Yeah. Roman is like, I don't need your science. I drive. So, I'm going to drive us to the satellite. which he does. And then >> when when TE's tech fails them, he has his he has his crisis, right, where he's like, well, no, we're not invincible.
Maybe we're not invincible. die at any time and we've just been lucky and this is kind of crazy and maybe we have to do something where where we won't survive and this is and wouldn't it >> wouldn't it be really good if they had like just like sacrificed [ __ ] Lawrence what if we just and the movie is begging me to care at this point it's like and Ludicrous had been killed by Roman's decision wouldn't that >> got me logged into like an ECG they're monitoring me they're going we could kill Ludicrous right now We might kill him. And there's nothing. There's not a spark happening.
>> Yeah.
>> Equilibrium just kill him. Kill him right now.
>> It would have been good. Like you could next next film Roman could have been on a pacifist arc because he's understood the importance of human life and his decisions can kill people. Yeah. No, no, they don't. They both survive. They destroy the satellite. They're both fine.
>> N they run it over. There's a bit where Lucas Black goes altitude and I thought that was really good. But that was the best part of the scene. Uh, >> but then Cy Cipher appears in the stealth jet to steal Aries with a big magnet.
>> So Dom presses triangle on the big truck and then throws it at her.
>> He has to destroys the plane.
>> Become the truck driver for a second, right? Because the new plane, which is like, you know, even greater foe than than truck.
>> Evil evil stealth plane. Yeah. Yeah, he does throw the truck at her and and we get a brief thing that makes you think like again it's trying to get your attention like oh we just killed Charize >> Thron about that >> they that last a shot before they reveal yeah that like if you die in Microsoft Flight Simulator you don't die in real life >> she was in a it was a drone she was in a an arcade video arcade operating >> that's fine she's she's the drones woman that's fine >> so she walks away so she can be the villain in a later one if they walk She can do exactly this in the next one. I can't wait to see how the villain in the next one didn't do anything wrong and then [ __ ] Cipher takes over. Be the villain. Great.
>> I I support actresses getting the bag.
Well done, Charlie's their own.
>> Get that [ __ ] >> I hope your haircut is even more [ __ ] ass in the next one.
>> I hope you have the worst ever.
>> Horrible news. I've checked and it's normal. They just give her a side shave.
>> They just give her a side shave. She looks pretty good. It's >> We've got John Cena suicide car to look forward to. You'll know. I wanted I wanted to see Shelley Strone in like with like the Don King white afro.
>> I go >> like something like a ponytail with nothing else. Like it's attached just at the ponytail.
>> Skulllet. But >> yeah, >> give me a scullet.
>> Alas, by the way, Otto, the Europer, he dies in when she hits the >> Yeah. What the [ __ ] happened to him? Oh, okay. Does he die? Okay, cool.
>> No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't.
>> Really?
>> Oh, is it that him postredit scene that's weirdly horny about that? I wasn't sure if that was him or >> Oh, that was him.
>> Okay, >> don't worry. I'll explain everything.
Um, but anyway, in space in the on the International Space Station.
>> Yeah, >> they see Roman and Taz floating in space.
>> And they go to rescue them.
>> We get two lines from the astronauts in the ISS. One of which is funny where one of them goes, "Is that a is that a Pontiac Ferry?" Which that that's quite funny.
>> That's funny. That's a funny line there.
Leave it there. instead one of the other they see they come out they're wearing like um yellow space suits that expand a little bit because of the air pressure differential >> and this French goes why do they look like minions >> that's great that's amazing >> that's really [ __ ] funny man that's so cool >> so now now we have to do our kind of like court ordered barbecue where >> everybody has to we we finally >> we got to do the Mass Effect party at the end we have to every [ __ ] movie >> this is This is when Han walks in and Lucas Black is like, "What the [ __ ] My whole life.
>> I mourn for you.
>> You were my brother."
>> It's like you thought you died.
>> And Han's like, "It's a long story."
Also, wow, dude. You look way older.
>> You look [ __ ] haggarded, bro.
>> [ __ ] Sorry. It's been a while, hasn't it? Yeah.
>> Mhm.
>> Guess I haven't seen you in 500 years.
>> Taking my death really hard. Sorry I didn't say anything to you. M >> they Yeah. No, it's it's um because this is the buckets to catch any interactions they forgot to do in the movie. Like maybe Han meeting the guy who like was his protetéé and thought he died.
>> Also, weirdly, Santos, one of the Spanish speaking guys, is here and Leo isn't. So, I'm like, did he >> did that actor get cancelled? Is he also dead? What happened there? Never mind.
>> Yeah, I didn't look into this. Maybe he also has beef with >> we we we we sprinkle some Christianity over this because >> we love to is like little Brian your mom is in Brazilian heaven. Um, but you are old enough now to say grace, which in a final victory for Protestantism is just just what's in your heart, you know?
>> Just say what?
>> Lety carries little Brian. I'm like, "NO, NO, MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ, PUT IT DOWN. PUT IT DOWN. IT'S A TRAP."
>> Lety carries him. But specifically goes, "Your mother when talking to him.
>> Your mother would be proud of the point of things like that's where I first met your mother." And it's really funny cuz it is where she first met your mother at the [ __ ] barbecue at the end of a movie.
>> Yeah, >> cuz they just did the same scene where they just sorted all the relationships they had done. Yellow.
>> Your mother, who is not me, by the way.
I don't give a [ __ ] about your mother.
Not me. I don't give a [ __ ] about you.
You are.
>> The longer it goes, the weirder it gets not to have killed off Brian, big Brian.
Because >> they leave a chair for him like Elijah.
And before they can say grace, they're like, "Oh, he's on his way." And his iconic, >> but unlike >> Skyline, >> his iconic skyline rocks up.
>> Elijah's iconic Nissan Skyline.
>> [ __ ] Also made of Lego for some reason.
>> People don't remember that Elijah was Jerusalem drift king for a few years.
>> Yeah, he was. He was. Yeah.
>> Who do you think gave Dom the amulet?
>> Let us write this, please. That's all I want. So [ __ ] >> college humor, SNL UK, whoever it is that does this now, let us write this.
>> Yeah.
>> And there was one set of tire tracks I drifted sideways. Yeah.
>> When I was like, >> yeah.
>> And so I'll get on to my thing when we get on to unprovoke violence. But >> the the the car appears and we we cut uh as you know, as Brian appears. Um but here's the thing. We get a mid-redit scene.
>> Yes, we do. We do. We do.
>> We actually get two mid-credit scenes, heavily. Oh, I only saw the one.
>> Yeah, so did I. But I checked the Wikipedia and it says that there's two.
>> Okay, I'll look it now.
>> Right. So, well, the one I saw is that Frank Transporter is beating up a guy in a punching bag. Frank transporter.
Transporter. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously again like we've put certain things in this in this world are just like things that I wish were true like the sort of multiple allgirl tactical units uh unified communist Germany uh highly muscled transman kicking the [ __ ] out of someone inside a punch bag. That's uh interesting to me. Um >> but it's it's it's it's Otto in there cuz Jason Stathithm had to be in this movie but only for like 10 minutes 10 seconds rather.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. And then he gets a knock on the door and it's hard.
>> And it's hard. And it's I thought I killed you.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Oh, >> you didn't.
>> You didn't. No consequences. No consequences. Nothing is real.
>> Nothing you do has any impact.
>> I do like his facial reaction. Jason says, it's quite good. Yeah.
>> What?
>> Yeah. I I hope they come back in the next one and hang out. Like >> you may as well say whatever you want as Grace. This is more like a kind of like, you know, Buddhist horror at this point.
Like, you know, Roman Pierce is experiencing his dharma, which is a deeply imprisoning thing. You know, it's >> should have killed Lud. What's the other what's the other postredit scene?
>> Maybe there isn't one. Maybe that was it. Maybe I've misdirected this. In which case, that was that was it. Um, that is that's Fast N. All 2 and 1 half hours of it.
>> Fast N.
>> That's the Fast Saga. Awesome. How do we [ __ ] feel about the Fast Saga?
>> It's the same It's the same movie. It's it's become James Bond, right? It it's the it's the same thing that happens to every long running in our franchise complete with Dom having a different actor from when he was the same guy.
>> Yeah. Yeah. When I was the same guy when we went into space when >> the orb was a cube and then it was going to hack. We didn't we didn't even mention what project Aries [ __ ] does cuz it doesn't matter. It's like the fifth >> computers >> device computers. Uh, [ __ ] we got to go to German, Toki, Glasgow, London, [ __ ] Monty Quintto.
>> Fascinating by the way and noteworthy that they lay waste to this South American country and then spend the entire rest of the film in white countries doing magnet [ __ ] >> instead of hurting anyone.
>> They definitely do a lot of property damage at Edinburgh.
>> Okay. Well, property.
>> Yeah. versus that women only get to be people after what, like nine movies.
>> Yeah, it is.
>> Yeah. And I And I can only imagine it was because both of them were in a room with producers just being like, "Give me a [ __ ] scene where I'm a human being.
Please."
>> Yeah.
>> Michelle Rodriguez after nine movies gets to be a [ __ ] person. Do you remember that scene in like fast six or seven where she's like, "I got to go and be a person on my own independently of you, Dom." And then two scenes later she comes back. She's like, "We got married off screen." It's like, "Oh, no."
>> She's like, "I remembered that we were married and I'm back."
>> I'm so happy that Mia gets to do some fight scenes now. I'm so happy for that actress. God, she deserves a medal for [ __ ] sticking it out.
>> I did it early on, but it's it's more true now than ever. I I am heartened that the the emotional core of these movies is this lavender marriage between >> these these two transgender individual kiss at one point and it's like cool, great.
>> I like that Kurt Russell still getting a paycheck. Also, what was he alive? Did they rescue him? Is he dead? Is he in the jungle? Who knows?
>> Yeah, >> we'll find out in the next one.
>> Also, remember how these movies used to maybe have something to say about masculinity?
>> No.
>> Like, remember that?
>> No, I honestly don't.
>> Did they ever?
>> Maybe. Maybe a little bit in the first one when Dom was like >> because when Dom was like an interesting character who genuinely had like once killed a guy in anger like credited massively >> when he was only had a sister when he was from Point Break when he just stole the [ __ ] notes from Point Break and just made a movie.
>> I hate that they changed that now.
>> Now it's like it it isn't anything because it's just completely textual.
But we don't have to speculate about textures. We have a science-based system.
>> We do.
>> It's called the scum system. Stands for smum, cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence, and misogyny. On a scale of 0 to 7, how smmy is fast nine.
>> The Star Wars references scene I think is puts it into punitive for me.
>> Roman keeps being like, "Oh, this is going to be our coolest adventure yet.
>> If this was a movie, this is when this would happen." entirely comprised of lines for the trailer.
>> Every line is a trailer line.
>> Yes, >> that's pretty smart cuz eventually you really give your trailer like cutters a lot to work with if just your whole movie is is lines like >> wow. This is going to be our biggest adventure.
>> We did that trailer for Eurospice season. That was so good. We should do a trailer for Vomit season. Um but so yeah, I think punitive for sure. On the other hand, it's not like it's so bland is the thing.
It's unflavored sloth.
>> Well, I think I think that makes it worse cuz there's nothing sincere about it. In fact, the only sincere thing we have is recconed out of it.
>> Abby, give me a number.
>> I think it's got to be eight or nine.
>> I'll do nine. I'll happily do nine.
First nine.
>> I think it's as bad as Hobs and Shaw.
>> Yeah. Okay. Which was a nine?
>> It's It's as bad, but weirdly, it's like worse to watch. Hobs and Shaw was more fun. Um, >> cultural insensitivity. I mean, none of them ever like make racist noises. No, but they do they do murder those South American people without a second thought. Like dozens.
>> I have I have a weird a weird thought, right? Which is we have arrived at a an almost entirely non-white cast, which is great. Love that. Love that we get uh like some diversity of character within that as well.
>> The two things. One is that they kind of lose confidence about that and immediately go here's why John Cena is white which >> they don't really need to do but the other >> that feels like a producers >> they do then start kind of racially segregating the crew like TZ and Roman are attached at the hip for this whole movie >> when they don't even really have the best like rapport with each other.
>> No. And I'm not entirely sure why >> they lump Ramsay into it, too. And I'm like, what are you doing? They don't have any kind of like charisma between the three of them.
>> I don't know.
>> I've always been weak on Ramsay as a character. I'm like, you already had a hacker. Why did you need another one?
Whatever.
>> You're still parking your comic relief with your black characters exclusively for some reason. And that's strange >> there's no reason why L couldn't have been funny and Reddit and epic and okay yeah still would have annoyed the piss out of me but like >> yeah also like she wasn't written like a teenage girl she's written like a like an adult ninja and I'm like it would have been funny if she was like you know 67 local genuinely I'm I'm I'm a ninja like it would have been good >> here's the point like they wrote down the thing where they're like oh the key it's not a key it's actually a person and then they then They've refused to make the person a person like interesting at all. It could have been a key. She should have been a key. Like I have no notes pertaining to anything that she does. I don't remember anything she does.
>> She barely has any lines.
>> Like does she say or do anything? No.
She has that one fight where she's introduced and then >> yeah bet on her being in the next film.
Odds are low.
>> Again, it's it's the weed thing of like, well, women are powerful because they get to kick ass, right? And it's like, well, you can >> that's great, I guess. Do we do do we get any character? No, not really.
>> No, >> but cultural insensitivity. Do we do we How do we feel about >> Yeah. Montinto?
>> Montito. I really want to ding it for because I want to ding it and unprovoked, but I won't be able to because of the system that we've set up.
>> Yeah.
>> Like I want to give them that.
>> The army are shooting at them, I guess.
So, >> I guess I prefer that to them just killing a bunch of Brazilian people.
Like, >> I agree.
>> It's true. It's It's weird to have made that a specifically South American country when it didn't need to be specifically anywhere.
>> Mhm.
>> Oh, I bet. You choose jungle and then you go, "Okay, who has jungles?"
>> Yeah. Where are the jungles at?
>> You write a jungle set piece and then you choose the fictional country around it.
>> There's there's a there's a certain sort of like arrogance to this. Um, so we've got to we've got to give it a couple of points for that. So, that puts it into >> something. Yeah.
>> Two, >> like what? Like two three sh I two.
There are three.
>> Yeah. I can't give an Yeah. Put three.
Put three down. Put three down. Put three down.
>> Three. Okay. Okay.
>> No. Expand it. I hate these [ __ ] I'm not going to be nice to them.
>> Right. Here's my problem with unprovoked violence. I want to set this out here.
This is something that finally crystallized in my head over the course of this. I'm not suggesting we change anything because we're mid-season, but I think unprovoked violence is unfit for purpose.
>> I tend to agree.
>> We're trying to codify something here.
And unprovoked just isn't the best way to get at that because if we think about in the first movie, they kill one guy and it's exactly as provoked as all of the deaths in this one, but they feel really sorry about it. It's a huge problem. They have like a scene where they're like quietly going over this.
>> And in this one, they're just mowing people down, and it's not a problem. And something has heightened that I want to ding them for, but unprovoked violence isn't sufficient to do that. I I have I have a theory about this or rather I have I have an idea, right? Because on the one hand, right, people can get too deep into the weeds with the scum stuff, right? Even though it's a science-based system, it's meant to elucidate us talking about it.
>> Mhm.
>> And so I it's I think that's that's the main function of it, right? But here's what I want to do cuz I agree with you.
I think we go back to heist season. We do a very very carb- based heist movie called the Blues Brothers. And at the end of the Blues Brothers, we change unprovoked to unnecessary, referencing something in that movie.
>> Okay, I like that because what I had written down was unquestioned violence.
>> Interesting. I could I could also do like orastic or like extraneous >> just like an assumed level of violence that you exist within >> the I mean I think we've already been doing that. We dinged fast five for this very very thing that you're that you're highlighting Deon which is that the body count was high. So I think this already comes under what we have >> and these these things never have to map on perfectly to Bond either. Like it's a system designed for James Bond movies.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah, that's true. Well, yes. I mean if if you're going for a texturalist interpretation, you would say only violence is unprovoked. But I I think that we can we can take the other tack on this and be like >> I agree. I agree.
>> As you know, I'm an originalist. Uh, and I I think we should stick to the plain meaning of scum as was 5 years ago only.
>> Positivist. I'm a constructivist. And so I I I think >> I think I'm a constructivist also.
>> Yeah, we can reason our way to to a different a different U here.
>> I think it should I none of this violence is unprovoked, but I think it should have a relatively high score.
>> Yeah, I do too. Yeah. It's like it's I like unnecessary. Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> They invade a country. That's that's that maybe they're the ones doing the provocation, right?
>> Yeah. Four, five.
>> Yeah.
They're shooting back at them, but they infected this country.
>> I would I would go f I would go five just for the the the sort of like John Wick of, you know, Roman Pierce >> in that sequence. So yeah, I would say five.
>> Can I persuade you to take one off for Dom heroically putting himself in the way of civilians under fire?
>> Ooh.
>> Ooh. If we're changing >> No, but only because it it it takes away from the antiviolence message in the first one of I lost the run of myself and I beat this guy with the tire.
>> You're right. You're right. Five.
>> Okay. Yeah. Cool. Finally, misogyny.
>> Misogyny. I mean, >> this again, this again is really ephemeral because we're trying to nail down different >> manifestations of misogyny and misogyny like surrounds us and constrains all of our actions. So I again it's sort of like we set this up I don't want to get too philosophical about this but we set this up to distinct >> I'll always get as philosophical as possible I >> we set this up to distinguish uh Shan Connory slapping a woman on the ass from Daniel Craig being sad that a woman is killed off screen right um >> and I I don't know that it ever did a great job of that but so how misogynistic is this movie well still quite Um >> yeah on the other hand I think I think it has improved >> women get to but then they got to do that in previous ones but women get to be people a little bit as well thing >> we don't do the market >> we don't do the meat market thing >> we don't >> which like in and of itself I mean obviously this is such a low bar to clear to think about this in any [ __ ] meaningful way but as this is is like the ninth movie in a [ __ ] billion dollar franchise where like no single human being is the creative mind behind this at this There is a [ __ ] faceless group of people that make these choices.
Yeah, it's less misogyn and furious.
>> Yeah, I believe so.
>> Me too.
>> It's like 2019, right?
>> There are things that we can we can prefer about different things. Like I weirdly I miss Suki. You remember her?
She had like the pink car and she did the art and stuff.
>> Yeah.
>> We don't really like that was absolutely like a character for girls, right? But like since we decided that women are people in the making of these movies, we kind of decided that women are just bland. Like everyone is bland. And so like letting us like drive >> women are a target demographic.
>> Women women consume movies >> like power scaling while Suki is just street level. Like they as they continue to increase the amount of money these people have like they are less and less >> to do with anyone who would be doing an illegal street race. like these people could just buy the street and shut it down and do a normal street race there.
>> I discovered a weird factoid the other day which is that the Fast and Furious audience demographics are actually pretty evenly split men and women. It's actually more evenly split than my show which is really very broadbased. You know, it's very lowest common denominator. I >> just wanted a kiss.
>> Do we want to do like a two here? Maybe like >> I Yeah, I think it's improved. Yeah.
Sorry. The pen. Sorry. cuz I think the meat market stuff was always egregious, right? And and like not doing that that kind of renunciation, we do have to reward it for that.
>> I'm glad that it didn't like >> Yeah.
>> So that gives it a total score of 19, which is not the best. It's higher than Fast 8 by one point and it's it's tied with Fast 4. Um Fast One is still winning on 12 points, but there has been significant improvement in misogyny. I think the sm is what's is what's dragging it up now. We can just get that down again.
>> Definitely true.
>> This feels like a like a meeting of like a multid-disiplinary team, you know, like we're we're sort of here being like, okay, so here's the latest case notes on Fast and Furious. Um showing improvement, which is what we like.
We've just got a few areas to target. Um >> reporting the parents to safeguarding immediately >> straight away.
>> With luck, we will have woke fast and furious in no later than 2035. I think we can do it. Let's see what we can do with fast 10. I can't wait to find out.
>> Oh my god.
>> If they can make it. There's one more.
There's one more. There's one more.
There's one more.
>> Can't wait.
>> And then the live. We're nearly at the end.
>> So nearly done with it. And back to back to >> Yes. I'm so ready to be done with this.
Well, thank you so much for listening to the meeting of the first and furious multi-disiplinary team case workers.
It's been a pleasure >> meeting in 6 months.
>> Absolutely. Uh we also have a Patreon um which you can you can subscribe to and if you do the next bonus episode is going to be mine and it's going to be further to complaining about long movies. The Irishman.
>> Mhm.
>> Which we're recording immediately after this to set up for maybe like I don't know four consecutive hours of recording. You can kind of hear it in my voice. So for the Irish >> look forward to us skipping over a lot of plot details in that. Thank you so much for listening. We will see you next time. Bye everyone.
>> Bye >> bye.
>> Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. Uh, next episode in 2 weeks time is of course Fast X the final at time of recording Fast and Furious movie and the end to our suffering. I mean not there's a grander suffering that we won't be ending but the the very the minor family based suffering will will come to a blessed conclusion.
And if that is simply too long for you to wait, then you can head on over to our Patreon, patreon.com/killjamesbond, and sign up now for only5 a month, [ __ ] And that'll give you access to 5 years of backlog as well as our next episode that comes out next week, which will be the Irishman.
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Kill James Bond is Abigail November and Devon. Our beautiful producer is the wonderful Mr. Neighbor. Our podcast art is by the beautiful Mr. John Duca. Our beautiful editor is Mr. Sam Mardosian and our beautiful website is by Tom Allen. I'll see you next time. And our beautiful website is by Tom Allen. And I will see you next time.
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