How Trauma Patterns Ruin Your Relationships (House Of Feelings S3 Finale P3)

本站添加: 2026-05-25

[00:00:00]Okay, welcome back to the House of Seasons.

[00:00:04]House of Feelings season 3. I did not do that one on purpose. House of Feelings season 3 finale. In this video, Hannah has to talk with Michael. And actually, there's a lot to learn here in terms of how to have non-violent communication and how to deal with someone who's not understanding what you're saying. Okay.

[00:00:22]So, if you're in a situation where you need to have a talk with someone, if you're in a conflict and you want to resolve it, this is a good video to kind of break down the social dynamics of how that works.

[00:00:31]>> Oh, so you had fun.

[00:00:33]>> I didn't have fun at first and then I had fun.

[00:00:35]>> Okay. Wait, that's actually that's good.

[00:00:37]>> But then at the end, like I just saw a side of you that like I don't think I can like deal with. M >> like I was dealing with something and then that's when you left and like all you cared about was just like party party and like even I try to like talk to you and like you just leave and then I have like all these other guys that are doing the same thing as you but they're actually like taking care of me and make me feel like safe and comfortable. So, I don't even know if you like really care or not, but like I'm just saying >> that's that's that's um >> yeah, I think you actually prioritize like your fun and like party side too much and like it's it's not a good feeling. Like if if I care about you and like we're obviously like like matched and stuff.

[00:01:29]>> Mhm.

[00:01:30]>> And like I just think it's disrespectful. I thought I had initially made the effort to like stay with you and then you were literally telling me and asked you to go. For me, I took it as like, okay, she doesn't want me like near her right now, so then I'll just find you guys later. So, I said, okay, I'm going to get more water and come back. But when I came back, you guys were gone. Everyone was gone.

[00:01:49]>> Okay. How I felt is how I feel, right?

[00:01:52]Like it it doesn't change anything. I was really upset and I was going through it. You would be like the one person that I would want like like helping me and stuff.

[00:02:02]So, what did I tell you in the last video? Hannah says, "Don't bother me.

[00:02:06]Don't be in my face, but I wanted you close by. I just didn't want you hassling me the whole time." And M somehow this is flying over Michael's head. He's not getting it. I really do think he might have a like a like a learning disability or some type of mental issue. You can see like the way he takes in information is not quite registering.

[00:02:23]>> So, if you're mad that I left when you wanted me to stay, okay, I can understand. But if you're trying to make it seem like I was acting crazy, like bro, I was having fun. I was putting people on my shoulder, like I was, you know, like, you know, letting people have their fun, too. If that's if that's what it was, okay, then I'm sorry. I like you, but you know, I'm not like the type of guy to catch feelings where like, oh my gosh, I like you. I'm going to be with you. I need to like be with you. You And then on the way back, obviously Matt came in because I was telling Mac earlier, too.

[00:02:52]>> You can see Hannah here getting depressed again. She's like, "He's not even hearing me." And he's trying to explain his his viewpoint. But at this point, when you're having a conversation with a girl or anyone really who's like pouring out their emotions is just to say, "I can see how you're feeling. I understand." Just take a moment to acknowledge what they're saying. And the the inability to acknowledge what she's saying makes her feel very sad. Yes, there's a little bit of victimhood there or perhaps from past trauma, but here I would say most of the fault is Michael's, not not Hannah's. You know, Max's been wanting to talk to you. Mac's been wanting to spend time with you alone.

[00:03:28]>> It's not about Mac. Okay.

[00:03:30]>> So, now Michael's just pulling random stuff. He's not taking accountability.

[00:03:34]Oh, Mac wanted to talk to you. That's why I left you alone. So, Mac could have a shot at you. It's like, what? Come on, man.

[00:03:40]>> Hey, bro. Come on now, dog.

[00:03:43]>> Mac has like nothing to do with this.

[00:03:45]>> What is it about at this point? If he doesn't know what it's about, like, do you even need to have a conversation with this guy? It's like it's game over, right? The fact that she's even here talking to him is a waste of her time.

[00:03:56]It's a waste of her dignity.

[00:03:57]>> Okay. Are you sorry about leaving?

[00:03:59]>> Yes. I'm Yes. If that's the real reason why you were upset.

[00:04:04]>> Okay. I'm only Okay.

[00:04:06]>> Kind of. We went as a big group as like be like beyond like as we're all friends.

[00:04:11]>> Okay. Okay. Okay. Then, >> but I think that's kind of unfair like >> then you just >> to like say like >> No, then you just like gave me the wrong impression and just like played me basically.

[00:04:23]>> Okay. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

[00:04:24]>> Because if you watch if you watch you're saying that like oh like I don't catch feelings that fast and like Mac likes you and D but then like if you look at the actual real things that were happening it was you and me the whole time.

[00:04:38]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:04:39]>> Yeah. So you were giving me the wrong impression. What do you mean?

[00:04:45]Well, >> just >> Hannah's young. She's not able to fully articulate her thoughts. Basically, what she's trying to say to Michael is, "Look, you and I were you told me you were sorry. You took me to this rave.

[00:04:58]You said you'd change. And right when I needed you, I thought we were a couple.

[00:05:02]Now you're saying that, oh, I wanted Mac to have a shot at you. That's why I went out with my friends." So, Michael takes zero accountability for it. And he's actually blaming her. He's like, "It's your problem." And she's just like, "Oh my god, I can't deal with this anymore."

[00:05:15]So, this is a point where the trauma uh overrides the trauma fantasy. Let me talk to you guys a little bit trauma and trauma fantasy. So, disclaimer, I'm not a licensed therapist, nor am I a psychologist, okay? This is just from my personal experience working with a lot of one-on-one clients. So, Michael looks like the dude who left Hannah to go to singles or Inferno.

[00:05:38]So those physical similarities are are pretty close. So Hannah has trauma with the guy who left her singles inferno.

[00:05:46]She felt abandoned. He basically left her and said, "I'm single. I'm going to go chase other girls." And this is causing a trauma response in my opinion.

[00:05:55]So now when we have a trauma response right what happens is we search for other scenarios where a similar guy comes along who looks like our fantasy dream fantasy and we want to what we're trying to do unconsciously is to recreate the trauma which is like he might leave me right that's why keeps forgiving Michael so the trauma is that the guy doesn't pay attention to me he leaves me he has other priorities other than me but in this case we repeat the trauma and we're hoping that this time there's a different outcome where the guy comes back and now the guy is with me and by re uh going against the trauma result last time where the guy went on singles inferno this time he choose to stay with me and therefore I can heal my trauma. This is what we call the trauma fantasy.

[00:06:43]Okay, I've seen it happen over and over again. So we have this fantasy that if we find someone damaged like the one the person I damaged us that now we can heal. In my case, the high school bullies beat me up. I had fantasies where I would beat the bully at work or I have more power over them, right? So, we have these fantasies to resolve the trauma. But this never works because the people that we pick are also equally [ __ ] up. So, the only way to resolve the trauma is to go back to the source and cut off the source and resolve those emotions. Once you resolve this emotion here, the trauma response is gone and you no longer need this situation to release the trauma fantasy because the fantasy is just that fantasy. fulfills itself in real life and even if it does it's temporary and then the next time it happens again you're going to feel trauma response again >> okay it's fine >> okay cuz I'm confused like >> it's fine it's fine okay >> cuz she just realized now like I cannot talk to this guy he's not getting it she's just like giving up at this point >> fine we're good we're good we're good okay we're good >> no I am sorry I am I am gen sorry if you felt >> okay bye >> she's just trying to get rid of him at this point cuz he's not getting it >> you know what I mean as long as she's taken care of I don't like how trying to make it seem like I freaking made her feel uncomfortable. We're all having fun with everybody else cuz we went as a group. We were all having fun. We're all having a good time. Me and Hannah aren't dating.

[00:07:58]>> You know what I mean? So, it's like, okay, >> that's messed up to say cuz right before this, she wanted to go for Shawn and this guy came back and begging, "I'm sorry, Hannah. Please take me back. I'm sorry." And now he's saying, "We're not dating. Who gives a f?" So, this is totally bad behavior. Now, I do think he has some type of disability. Okay. This is not a normal normal way to respond.

[00:08:18]and and Mac here is trying to help him understand.

[00:08:20]>> We don't have any like lock in on like dating or anything. We've only known each other for 6 days. So, you feel like it's reasonable and it's more logical to allow people to talk to each other. But Hannah's feelings are also valid. She probably caught feelings, bro.

[00:08:35]>> Yes.

[00:08:36]>> You think?

[00:08:36]>> So, then it's your responsibility when you have someone's feelings in your hands. You either make them feel good or you make them feel like [ __ ] If there's a girl that has feelings for you and you say that [ __ ] because like obviously it's reasonable and realistic, but if a girl likes you, >> that's going to hurt their feelings.

[00:08:52]>> Mac is correct. Mac is being a buddy here and trying to explain to Michael in a way that he understands. So, I give Mac props for this. However, in the next scene, >> like or like when he's performing and versus when he's >> I have no idea.

[00:09:04]>> Like when he's being real, it almost seemed real. He was like, "Okay, what the [ __ ] was that?" But I I told him that [ __ ] is going to go back and forth.

[00:09:11]Yeah, you >> So Mac tried to talk to Michael, but then he does come down here cuz when you talk to someone who's unreasonable, you need to vent to your buddies, right? And unfortunately, this was caught on camera. So Mac is like, "Yo, that guy I don't know what he's talking about. It feels out of place." And even Jimmy, the host, is like, "Yo, that guy's not getting it, man.

[00:09:28]>> Can't get through to to Michael."

[00:09:30]>> Yeah.

[00:09:30]>> He kind of stubborn in his in the way he thinks >> or doesn't think sometimes.

[00:09:36]>> Or doesn't think at all. Yeah. Yeah. No, like honestly, did you expect to catch feelings this week?

[00:09:42]>> I didn't care.

[00:09:43]>> See, that's the thing with Mac. I'm conflicted because he does he's such a good friend and he's there for them and then he comes in and he tries to soup in with Hannah. I think Mac is a good guy, but because of his inability to get girls, the good guy is tainted. The the purity of the good guy becomes tainted when he tries to be good and tries to get the girl. because that's his one leakage area where he needs that that sexual attraction, right? And he can't get it. So he he tries to get it by being nice because he doesn't know how else to do it. And this is another example of that.

[00:10:15]>> Like how can you be so like stern on the fact that you want somebody and like doing all this like me like I that really gets to me most of the time >> emotions before you get your >> Yeah. And now I feel like it's like my fault.

[00:10:28]>> He was just doing what he thought was best. you were doing the best that you could given the circumstance.

[00:10:35]>> Mac is, you know, talking good about everybody. Michael is doing his best.

[00:10:38]You're doing your best. Sure, it's diplomatic. I do believe his intentions are good, but at the same time, when I look at his body language, I do think actually he finds Hannah attractive and he is trying to see if there's an opening there.

[00:10:49]>> In the short time that I've gotten to know everyone, this is just my opinion by looking at this footage. It's like putting myself outside of my comfort zone just by being in America.

[00:11:00]>> But as soon as I saw you guys, I could just feel your energy. Everybody gave off this really good energy.

[00:11:09]>> Ayakos from Japan, right? You guys ever watch Terrace House on Netflix? Like Japanese dating shows, everyone's like takes like forever to come out of their shell. By like the fifth episode, you're kind of like, "Okay, I kind of know who this person is about." On American dating shows, it's like day one, my name is Jimmy. I'm here on Perfect Match. I'm trying to find my girl. Yeah, what's up?

[00:11:26]American dating shows very in your face.

[00:11:29]Asian dating shows are less so. Yako is basically saying, "You guys are moving at a faster pace than I'm used to in terms of disclosing who I am really."

[00:11:37]And she came in late as well. So, she really didn't have a competitive advantage here. I don't feel like people got really got to know who she really is.

[00:11:44]>> Ever come to Japan or Malaysia?

[00:11:48]Please message me. True.

[00:11:50]>> Japan and Malaysia are both very conservative countries. Uh, conservative cultures.

[00:11:55]>> There's too much for you, baby.

[00:11:56]>> Yeah. And I that's why I'm saying like I I just trying to understand.

[00:12:00]>> Okay. This is Hannah talking to Michael again off camera >> and the way that you are and the way that you see life >> and I see life in a great way and it might be different from the way you see life.

[00:12:09]>> So, I did apologize to her for leaving her because I think some things weren't lined up between like what we we thought was happening and what was h actually happening. But then once we really like tried to talk about like what was going on in our hearts and being very open and honest about everything, we were able to apologize.

[00:12:29]>> This is the dysfunction uh masking as um healing. Michael thinks that if he just apologizes, he doesn't have to atone for the things that he did and that he would get the result. You can see in his face like, "Oh, we're all good now, right?

[00:12:43]It's all good. Yeah, it's fine." But he has to learn that there are consequences to his actions. And if Hannah goes goes back with him, he's not going to learn.

[00:12:50]And this this this dysfunction will continue.

[00:12:53]>> Forgive. Forget. Let it go.

[00:12:56]>> She's going to >> Just cuz you forgive, it doesn't mean you have to forget. Keep that in mind. I forgive my spouse for cheating on me, but that doesn't mean I forget. Okay.

[00:13:05]Very important distinction in relationships when people mess up cuz they're messing with your heart.

[00:13:10]>> No trauma can be fixed in a span of a week. Hannah made good uh progress this week, but you need to continually go to therapy and continually use the tools that are given to you and to until they become second nature so that you can move on from it. It doesn't happen overnight. He's uh this panelist is correct. It can happen quickly, but it cannot happen overnight. It can happen pretty quickly though if you put your mind to it and you have a good therapist. It can happen in the span of like one or two weeks. If things align and the therapist is really good, but usually takes a little bit more than one session to do that. But then as we started to let our walls down and be more comfortable and vulnerable with each other, I think we found out parts of ourselves that we didn't even know that we had.

[00:13:51]>> Richard speaks in a very slow way and his pauses make you fall asleep. It's just his speaking pattern. I think he he's a good guy and I think he needs to learn how to have like more like higher tempo conversations with people that are not at at his slower pace, right? So, he needs to learn to have like higher energy conversations that match the other person's tempo when the need arises. Because if he keeps speaking the way he's speaking with his dating skills, he's not despite his good looks, he's not going to be able to consistently attract the type of girls and the people into his life that he wants in my opinion. And I think that's something he needs to switch up. And I think it's easy for him to do so because he seems like a very charismatic guy. I hope that um he takes the right next steps um because I think he has a lot of potential.

[00:14:35]>> I feel like coming here I tried to put up a a front of who I am on the outside you know you know Jay J.

[00:14:49]>> Oh man, come on man. Come on man.

[00:14:53]>> Hey Jay, why are you hugging my boyfriend man? What's going on?

[00:14:56]>> You ugly.

[00:14:56]>> I don't have a sister. We're your sisters.

[00:14:59]>> The girls have a great moment when they they said that um we're your sisters and they promise to visit each other in their respective hometowns. Cool.

[00:15:07]>> The girl that you want to select. This letter encapsulates all the things that you guys shared this this entire week.

[00:15:13]And >> all right, so Jimmy asks the guys to write a letter to the girl that they want to match with at the end of the season. And that's their assignment for tonight. Ray, come up to the stand.

[00:15:24]Kimmy.

[00:15:28]>> All right. So, they have princessy Disney music and the girls line up and the guys get to choose their final match. And um I'll dissect this and break it down in the next video which is going to be the final video for this season. Okay. Subscribe, like the video if you're enjoying this, and I'll see you in the last and the next video.

[00:15:44]Enjoy.