Me and the chat discuss inner child healing ❤️‍🩹

Added: 2026-05-06

[00:00:00]But this wasn't quiet. This was a battle they've been losing behind closed eyes.

[00:00:06]You felt it, didn't you? That subtle shift, that invisible current, like something unspoken building just beneath their surface. Not distance, not confusion, but something far more dangerous. Recognition.

[00:00:22]But here's the reality. People don't embrace their emotions when they arise.

[00:00:26]They reject them. They question them.

[00:00:29]They bury them beneath logic, pride, and carefully built walls because what they feel for you doesn't align with the version of themselves they're trying so hard to maintain.

[00:00:40]And this is where it becomes dangerous.

[00:00:43]The deeper a feeling threatens the ego, the more aggressively it gets suppressed. Freud called this repression, the mind's way of pushing unacceptable desires into darkness. But repression is not erasia, it's pressure.

[00:00:56]And pressure always finds a way out.

[00:00:59]Most people realize this.

[00:01:01]>> What they couldn't admit yesterday becomes what controls them today.

[00:01:06]>> That's why this morning felt different.

[00:01:08]>> Mhm.

[00:01:08]>> Not because something began, but because something finally broke and you weren't there to see it. That's what makes it so unsettling.

[00:01:18]This wasn't a confession. This wasn't a message. This was a private collapse of denial. A moment where distraction failed, where their usual escape routes disappeared, where silence became too overwhelming to ignore. And in that silence, you appeared, not as a memory, but as a reckoning.

[00:01:39]You see, attraction is easy to dismiss.

[00:01:42]Curiosity is easy to brush aside.

[00:01:44][clears throat] >> But emotional significance, that's where the mind starts to fracture because it forces a question they've been avoiding.

[00:01:53]Why does this person affect them so deeply? And they tried answering it with logic. They told themselves.

[00:01:59]>> Hello.

[00:02:02]Welcome back to my channel.

[00:02:07]Hello, guys. Hello. Where y'all at?

[00:02:12]Where y'all at on this Friday night?

[00:02:14]Honey, y'all come on in here.

[00:02:23]No, my salad.

[00:02:25]Go fix you one.

[00:02:29]>> Don't come over here.

[00:02:32]>> I think it's time for me to get a new charger.

[00:02:37]>> My bed. My bed. You going to knock down my my thing right here.

[00:02:42]But we'll get one day later.

[00:02:46]What? This the same salad we had earlier.

[00:02:50]>> No. Get off the bed.

[00:02:53]No, I don't find nothing.

[00:02:57]>> Girl, what's up, Stefan?

[00:03:03]Hit the like button. You can use that, but you got to turn the volume off cuz I'm live streaming.

[00:03:09]You can use that, girl.

[00:03:12]Please don't spam the chat.

[00:03:18]What's up, L and Tyson Bradford?

[00:03:25]Honey, we eating good tonight. What's up?

[00:03:32]How y'all doing?

[00:03:36]It's Friday night, y'all. What we going to do? Huh? What we going to do? Y'all want to take me out on a date?

[00:03:42]H Where we going?

[00:03:45]What we going to be doing?

[00:03:47]>> [laughter] >> Hello, I'm a ventura mall bus stop Miami.

[00:03:57]Bless your heart. [snorts] So good.

[00:04:03]What's up?

[00:04:06]What y'all been doing today?

[00:04:10]This thing is so refreshing, honey.

[00:04:12]These beautiful What's up, Benny White? these beautiful tomatoes and lemon and and uh jalapenos and kidney beans. Candy beans and a little bit of cheese and cucumber and red onion.

[00:04:30][clears throat] What's up y'all?

[00:04:34]Did y'all have a beautiful day today?

[00:04:38]Mhm. Girl, happy Friday girl. Happy Friday.

[00:04:45]Honey, >> they're on the bread basket.

[00:04:54]Ashley, show her where the honey buns at.

[00:05:03]I started off this morning, went to the salon.

[00:05:09]Oh lord. Jim John talking junk in the in the YouTube app. Hold on. Let me see what he got to say. Hold on. He said you're not Cheryl Gabowski.

[00:05:19]You're not an empath and you're and and you're no you're not and and you don't and you not do you know what narcissist means. No, they're not. You give bad advice. [laughter] Jim Josh, I really wish that's his comment right there, y'all.

[00:05:44]I really wish you would learn how to comment, okay? Cuz we don't understand our damn word you put down in in the in the comments, okay? Cuz it just gave me a notification to shut up.

[00:06:00]Shut up. Just shut it on up and stop crying, [ __ ] [laughter] Just because I get y'all see somebody. Y'all, he about to trigger me.

[00:06:13]Listen, Benny White. What's up, Marcus baby in the building? Listen, I am I didn't even know what a narcissist or impath was until about seven years ago. Okay. All right. So, I have really, really, really, really, really been educated. Okay.

[00:06:33]But I excuse me, y'all. I have a whole life.

[00:06:38]I have my own story. A whole life. Okay.

[00:06:42]That when I listen to the information from Dr. Romney, from Sam Vladilla, Vladimir, I think that's his last name.

[00:06:51]From what is my main man name? It's a white guy. He work out a lot. I forgot his name. Um I was following Leon. Uh Mr. Mental Illness. Just I followed a lot of people. Plus, I've just done my own [ __ ] research. You understand me?

[00:07:08]Y'all got this idea that people got this idea that you can run over impaths. Yeah. A [ __ ] EMPATH THAT DON'T REALIZE THEY EMPATH.

[00:07:19]A empath that don't realize that they've been letting toxic narcissistic people live off of their [ __ ] energy.

[00:07:28][laughter] I am not that kind of empath anymore.

[00:07:33]Okay. I am informed and I am armed and I will you up. Okay. Period.

[00:07:43]Mhm. What's up the boxing? Hey boo.

[00:07:47]I'm just telling you. BUT WHAT'S UP Y'ALL?

[00:07:53][snorts] What's up?

[00:07:56]All right. Come on and tell his ass. Get on with over here.

[00:08:01]Just cuz you can't feed on me no more.

[00:08:05][cough] I just stopped [clears throat] one from feeding on me. But it was fun while it lasted. [laughter] Listen, this the thing. The narcissist.

[00:08:18]Okay, so the empath and the narcissist that go Jim John ugly ass right here in the comment section. Y'all hit the uh the share and copy link button because this gonna be a good live.

[00:08:31]Jim John, don't make me get you. Um, all right. A narcissist is one who has a grandiosity of themselves. They like to brag. They like to be seen. They like to talk. Um, Jim John, I didn't even I didn't even Somebody done block you. [laughter] Okay. They don't want me to engage. My moderators don't want me to engage you.

[00:09:00]So you you out you out the you out the count. What's up? Stop saying hey Stefan.

[00:09:07]Do you have a IEP? Stop that.

[00:09:12]Right. Um man said [ __ ] It ain't it's cool as long as it's true.

[00:09:18]Lord I give y'all the 411 of my life.

[00:09:22]Damn right it's true. That toxic narcissistic booya boo that was just my boo boo. He can't handle none of that cuz he like to stay in the shadow. I'm not in [ __ ] that. [laughter] Y'all already know that is not my brand.

[00:09:40]No. Don't get mad when y'all tox y'all can't use the empath no more. Go to hell. Oh, you blocked them already, By White. [laughter] [gasps] Um Oh, baby. We We have a wonderful salad. So, I grilled I did some um some chicken and I seasoned it really good.

[00:10:00]Did I put any oil in the pan? I ain't even put no oil in the pan. I just cut the chicken two skinless chicken breasts. Just cut them up and um turn the the the um pan the cast iron on like medium heat and just kind of toss the chicken around. Toss it. Toss it. Toss it. Toss it until it start making its own oil. Yeah, that's what I did. It's good. Um, red onion, tomatoes, cucumber, um, jalapenos, kidney beans, cheese. That's what I got. Mhm. And lemon.

[00:10:40]Mhm.

[00:10:41]Yeah. I ain't no regular empath, honey.

[00:10:46]You understand me? I'm not a regular empath. That is not bragging. That's telling you what it is and what the [ __ ] it ain't.

[00:10:55]Okay.

[00:10:58]Period.

[00:11:00]I ain't no regular smuggler.

[00:11:02][clears throat and cough] Why is it always everybody fault?

[00:11:10][cough] Jim John, listen.

[00:11:13]It's my fault sometime.

[00:11:17]Mhm.

[00:11:19]When I started talking about the toxic Ashley, can you unplug that right there for me? When I started talking about Oh, that look good. The Fanta. Can you give me a Fanta?

[00:11:31]Thank you.

[00:11:34]>> What's up, Maria? What's up, Pie? When I started talking about this, um, go on that when you get back on the bed, boo. You want to get on that side of the bed. Don't come on this side.

[00:11:49]I talked about that live, that particular live because this is another live. Okay? It's not the same [ __ ] live. That live was about me. It wasn't about him. But see, you bringing up something else. It's not, you know what I'm saying? It's woo woo. Thank you. We got us a good old great Fanta cuz it's Friday. You can drink a a great Fanta on Friday. Okay. Don't get on the bed on this side, T butt. Thank you.

[00:12:17]>> Yeah, just get on cross over here.

[00:12:21]My granny's here with me, y'all. Excuse me. I don't know why they What's a um Uncle Juke box?

[00:12:29]>> What happened to the sound door?

[00:12:33]>> Hold on.

[00:12:41]Is it still low?

[00:12:44]I don't know what happened to sound. The sound shouldn't ain't nothing touching the sound.

[00:12:48][laughter] Can you get off that live? Cuz I think that's what it is. Audio and video is clear for me. Okay. Turn that volume down, boo. Okay. I don't know why it's low on your side, boo boo.

[00:13:03]It's It's okay now. Well, my grandbaby is on my other She's on my iPad and she went to my live and that might have been what it is. No, I just scrolled and I saw your live.

[00:13:15]>> Oh, you scrolled and saw it. Okay, it's okay now. Okay. All right.

[00:13:21]So, I don't know why people get this impression that that they could just run all over impaths. You You can't You can't. And so, so I'mma tell y'all what I am going to go two things I want to see if it's true concerning me cuz see I'm not a narc. Okay, I'm not. But we going to let the doctor let us know, which I'mma use that for content. So, I'mma go through a um go see if I could be tested for narcissism or to see if I have MPD, which I don't, but that and then I want to see if I have ADHD.

[00:14:04]Uhhuh. What's up? Uh, welcome to the TNT Fam TNT family show.

[00:14:11]It's been a while since I seen you.

[00:14:12]What's up, sugar? Yeah. So, we want to WHAT Y'ALL THINK ABOUT THAT Poopy Pie? I know, Lord. Lord, I'm not a N, [laughter] but it's crazy when people call me that cuz I if you know they be the one. They be the one. I got diagnosed in therapy with OCD and PTSD this past month. Oh, really?

[00:14:33]Okay. How you feel about that, Poopie Pie? I sure want to be tested for ADHD.

[00:14:38]I'm almost positive I have ADHD.

[00:14:43]Mhm.

[00:14:50]But being having MPD, hell no.

[00:14:59]Um, you've been going through a healing process.

[00:15:08]from your elbow replacement surgery.

[00:15:10]Okay. Well, I'm glad you feeling better now, boo.

[00:15:16]I'm lowkey known for a while, but nice for confirmation. Yeah, that's what I said about the um the that's what I feel. That's how I feel about the um ADHD cuz my granddaddy um damn my grandbaby Ashlin has ADHD and we are a whole lot alike.

[00:15:39]Very much so.

[00:15:44]Oh yes, very much. We love you very much, baby. Um yeah, but I don't know why y'all [clears throat] want to come through here.

[00:15:54]I guess y'all just say Sher Bowski, you're you're a narcissist because you fight, because you brag, because you got Scorpio energy. Well, yeah, people say that Scorpios are ns for sure, but no, I don't think so. But I could be, but I don't see that.

[00:16:19]But if I was a real narcissist, I wouldn't see it anyway. You're right.

[00:16:23]There would. And I and I damn sure ain't going to get tested for it because I my brain would be too busy telling me that that's not the case because in all actuality I would be perfect and nobody comes to my damn channel and believe that I think that I'm perfect. That's crazy. [snorts] I've had OCD symptoms since like seven or eight. Laugh my ass off. But at least this therapist has a treatment plan and and don't. Okay. Um because Jen Gen Z uses narcissism as an adjective instead of a medical disorder. [laughter] What's up, Barbara Carter? How you doing, boo?

[00:17:06]My toxic uh my toxic friend of mine that I've been talking to y'all about. He called me a narcissist, too. So, you're a narcissist. I said, "Ain't that funny?

[00:17:18]Ain't that weird?" Like I've never called you that.

[00:17:22]I've never called you that.

[00:17:25]Cuz y'all I'm I'm just particular about people in my real life that could be to that could have uh MPD. I I don't say that in my real life. Like in my day by day, you know what I'm saying? I don't call people out for narcissism because to me it's a serious [ __ ] word. It's a serious situation.

[00:17:53]Um, you're wildly out of touch with reality.

[00:17:57]Oh, that's not true. Do you think that I can because I always have to keep things clean all the time? OCD. Oh, yeah.

[00:18:05][laughter] Damn, Gary, you stay coming back after getting blocked. [laughter] Try again later, buddy. I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY WANT TO BE KICKED OUT. It's the craziest thing. They Y'all know I got moderators in here. Y'all already know that. And y'all be trying it. Y'all be trying it. It is what it is, honey.

[00:18:30]I've taught people how to take care of their yourself. How to damn how to um gray rock that. Can you sit down, baby, because you about to knock this thing down?

[00:18:46]How to gray rock that terrible ass narcissistic person in her life that like the other.

[00:18:52]Ignore the ass real bad. Um, Barbara says, "I had a medical emergency with high blood pressure and high blood uh sugar levels. Are you feeling better now, boo?"

[00:19:05]Um, [clears throat] Poopie Pie says, "Homeboy comes back every day at the night. It affects anything other than himself and the and the view count." [laughter] I be over here laughing. It's hilarious to me.

[00:19:22]Sher Gabowski is a narcissist.

[00:19:25]You got NPD [ __ ] I don't care nothing about that cuz Dr. Romany, which is really really effective teaching people about narcissist, they call her damn narcissist. So who cares?

[00:19:35][clears throat] [clears throat] A lot of OCD is intrusive thoughts and having to repeat things until I feel is perfect.

[00:19:52]That's got to be damn frustrating cuz it's never perfect, is it?

[00:19:59]It's never perfect, Poopie Pie. That's got to be frustrating. How do you control it?

[00:20:07][cough] [clears throat] How do you control it?

[00:20:19]Oh, that's good.

[00:20:20]Like even my homework, I would start over and until I wrote it with no mistakes. Ain't that stressful, Pie?

[00:20:29]Ain't that a lot of stress?

[00:20:32]I think um y'all seen because I couldn't stand the marks racist left. I don't mean to laugh, but it's kind of funny.

[00:20:43]My youngest son is full-blown OCD. Um, Bruce, Bruce that be on the channel, sometimes Bruce ass is OCD, too. He know it. Like, he ain't gonna feel no type of way because I said it on the live. Cuz I'm like, [clears throat] if you watch me one more time, how I put my soda on your living room table and how you make sure that it's in the right spot and how as soon as I finish it, he want me to put it in trash. And how like it goes on like when we go out to eat sometimes, he always organizes the table for the waiter, puts stacks the cups inside of the cups, and he's never been a waiter himself. And organizes the spoons and the forks and and organizes the plate and stacks them and put everything really neat and and leave a huge tip every [ __ ] [laughter] and I'll be like, I don't I didn't say anything about it, but I'm just saying it's very noticeable, you know?

[00:21:44]And uh I believe Bruce is OCD. SORRY.

[00:21:50][laughter] [snorts] What kind of drink am I drinking? He is. He is like [clears throat] his damn closet. Uh Fanta. Great. It's good, too. I got it from Food Line. You get two for one. I really bought it for the girl list, but you know, I drink one. So, anyway, all his [ __ ] is so or I'mma take y'all over there. I'mma take y'all to Bruce's house. When y'all want to go? I'mma take y'all to Bruce house and I'mma tell him before we come. I know you meant to spell it the other way. I'mma tell him before we come that we're going to be talking about OCD and can we can we look at everything at his house to show y'all how clean and organized everything is real bad. Like real bad. He got the original carpet that was in the house when he bought the damn house. And it's it's just it's really clean. Yeah. He bad off OCD. And he [clears throat] watches everything I do. And I'll be like, "Now I done told him, Bruce, leave me alone because your OCD is intrusive. It's bothering me.

[00:22:53][laughter] But I do understand it's hard for him.

[00:22:57]Pineapple fence is so good. Girl, I was getting ready to F I WAS GETTING READY TO BUY THE PINEAPPLE.

[00:23:05]When I go out, I too clean the table after we eat. [laughter] Thank you, uh, Lady Giva. Thank you so much. They are so cutesy. Um, what's up, James Balden?

[00:23:19]Yeah, the OC. My sister's OCD.

[00:23:22]She [clears throat] is. And I'm And I'm a tad messy. I ain't even gonna lie. I'm tell y'all the truth. But well, yeah, because, you know, I think I have ADHD, so y'all already know how that is. Um, I've struggled with being on time all my life.

[00:23:36]>> [clears throat] >> I've struggled with um learning certain things if I didn't if I wasn't really into it. I am very artsy.

[00:23:47]I am very spiritual. I am very creative.

[00:23:50]I I just I'm very high energy. I'm very uh energetic for a woman my age very much so. And [clears throat] I've always been fast at doing hair. I've always been fast at doing hair where I could rotate six clients and still get everybody out in four hours. Three to four hours. Uhhuh. Yeah. My clients, I pride myself on getting my clients out in 45 minutes. Uh, tell [clears throat] your granddaughter that I have said hello and I love her too. Okay, I will.

[00:24:23]You ever Hawaiian? What that mean? You ever Hawaiian? Punch fruit punch boo. Um they I did see the Hawaiian fruit punch, but I didn't get it. I love um what's that?

[00:24:36]My favorite fruit punch. Oh my god, it's so old, y'all. But I love that damn fruit punch. What is the name of it, y'all? It be in a um it got a red label on it. I can't think of the name of it.

[00:24:49]Low-key think people OCD have a predisposition for addiction because it quiets the brain and highly ritualistic which feels compulsions maybe. So, I don't know.

[00:25:04]Girl, what's that? Nikki boo.

[00:25:07]Um, alphabetize my CD.

[00:25:13]Can canned goods in my kitchen. Really?

[00:25:16]Cabinets early is my own time. I am a stickler for time. Yep. Yep.

[00:25:24]Ah, thank you, Tilly.

[00:25:27]Hi, Sea. Fruit punch. No, that is not the one, y'all. What is the name of this fruit punch? Uh, Nikki, it's old. It's back in the day type fruit punch, but it's so damn good. I love it so bad. I love it. So, I mean, Rayan, go in there.

[00:25:42]Ask your mama what's my favorite fruit punch. I mean, my your aunt Monae, go ask Monae what's my favorite fruit punch. I can't call it right now. I don't know why. I'm one of those check the locks four times head.

[00:25:56][laughter] What you mean the locks to your house?

[00:26:01]Tapico. No. What she say?

[00:26:03]>> They different.

[00:26:06]>> Huh? They >> It don't It don't matter. Just go ask her what's my favorite fruit punch.

[00:26:14]What is it?

[00:26:17]Damn it. I hate that y'all. I don't know if it's menopause or what, but it be the smallest things that I forget about.

[00:26:24]Ashley, what's my favorite fruit punch?

[00:26:26]the name of it.

[00:26:30]I buy it in the store. It's got the red label.

[00:26:33]>> What is it?

[00:26:36]>> Tahesian fruit p. Is it tahesian?

[00:26:40]>> Mon.

[00:26:46]>> She hear me?

[00:26:48]>> Never mind. I don't think it's that. Let me look it up. Hold on. Shut my door right there.

[00:26:54]I don't think that's it.

[00:26:59]It's a nuisance. I know.

[00:27:02]Barbara said, "Me, too. All of the locks, windows, doors, [ __ ] If I'm driving, I check if I have it parked like three times." I do all that [ __ ] right there, too. Poopy pie. I do every bit of that.

[00:27:20]Tahesian twist. Let me look it up. I got to see it cuz Monet Tahesian treat. I don't That might be it. Hold on.

[00:27:34]Hold on one second. I got to know.

[00:27:39]Y'all really trying do my damn thing to fall off this bed. Jesus.

[00:27:44]All right, that's it. That's my favorite damn soda in the world real bad. And God knows if it's cold, girl.

[00:27:56]Oh my god, I love that. So, Tahesian fruit punch. Yeah, she was right.

[00:28:01]Am I eating Japanese food? No. There we go. See, Lindsay, get there. Lol. Uhhuh.

[00:28:07]Tahesian fruit punch, y'all. It's so good. That's my favorite favorite soda in the world.

[00:28:15]That [snorts] Fanta's good, though.

[00:28:16]Grape soda's good, especially when it's cold.

[00:28:20]Mhm.

[00:28:22]You take pictures of your clothes.

[00:28:26]I'm doing good, Nikki. It's been a beautiful day.

[00:28:30]I had to work this morning at the shop.

[00:28:36]Lord, girl, the brain is something else, I tell you.

[00:28:44]Mhm.

[00:28:47][snorts] How you doing today, Nikki, [clears throat] with that Vernon ginger ale? Boo. I like Vernon's ginger ale.

[00:29:01]Ginger, but you know, I have to be in the mood for ginger ale.

[00:29:06]You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, like while I'm sick or after the sickness, I like ginger ale.

[00:29:17]You like that cherry wine and that squirt grapefruit soda? I ain't never heard of that before.

[00:29:27]Mm.

[00:29:28]The cherry wine. The cherry wine. Um, cherry wine is good and the strawberry soda is good too, but I barely drink those. But that it is a good soda.

[00:29:41]This salad is good, but this [ __ ] is not holding me. This is the second one I ate today and I'm still hungry.

[00:29:48]Oh, it's called It's That is the Tahesian treat. I ain't never seen the word treat on it.

[00:29:54]Do you smoke?

[00:29:57]Mhm. I love it real bad. That's my favorite one, honey.

[00:30:06][clears throat] Oh yeah, girl. The one at Bojangles.

[00:30:14]So good.

[00:30:15]And the strawberry one at Church's Chicken, too. So good.

[00:30:22]So good. Real bad.

[00:30:24][laughter] But this ain't [clears throat] getting it though. I need a damn sub.

[00:30:38]I know it is, Barbara. It is Barbie. Were you a were you a moderator on this channel?

[00:30:49]KFC offering a eight piece right now for $10 cash. Stop lying cuz honey, I'm about I'm about to go to KFC. [laughter] I might make myself a fried egg bagel.

[00:31:03]Ew. Booby pie. No.

[00:31:06]Oh, okay.

[00:31:11]Girl, fried egg bagel.

[00:31:16]That don't sound good, boo.

[00:31:21]Google it. Okay, I believe you since you told me to Google it. Cheryl, you are a beautiful queen. Thank you, Drew Moss.

[00:31:28]What's up? How you doing today?

[00:31:36]I literally want to drink that juice cuz it's lemon and jalapeno.

[00:31:43]Mhm.

[00:31:50]A English muffin. Now I had Yeah, it's like a Mc Griddle with a bagel instead of a English muffin.

[00:31:58]What's up, soda? So, I had uh a English muffin. this morning for breakfast. It was good.

[00:32:14][laughter] Drink it. How am I going to drink it? I need a spoon. [clears throat] It smells so good. Smell vinegary and it smell It smell um spicy cuz of the jalapenos. Trying to dip this tomato down in there.

[00:32:36]Damn ribs sound so good right now.

[00:32:44]Oh, thank you family show. You so sweet.

[00:32:47]I appreciate that.

[00:32:50]I ain't sweet all the time though. I can be mean too.

[00:32:56]I can be mean too. I know y'all can be mean too sometimes. Just how it goes.

[00:33:00]You know what I'm saying? I try not to do it too much and I try not to do it if I don't have to. But sometime people play in your face and you have to get them straightened out sometime.

[00:33:12]Mhm.

[00:33:15]I apologized to my daughter the other day cuz I egged her on a little bit and she got so upset and um I I left because I was on my way back to work and then once I got to work well I thought about it on the way to work and then once I got there I text her and I said I am so sorry for bothering with you. Sometimes I need to shut my damn mouth sometimes, especially when I know that that I know how to agitate you and I just do it because I'm feeling a type of ways. And she was like, "It's okay, mama. I love you." [laughter] So, you know, sometimes I could be mean sometimes. Yeah. And a big a big of thing of mustard potato salad. Yum. I got another hour here in this dang security booth. Listen, ain't nothing like some good old sweet potato salad. Sometimes I'll get in the mood and just go and buy me go somewhere and find where they make potato salad and get me a big old thing of it because the thing is if I make a bowl of potato salad at home, I'm just gonna OD on it.

[00:34:26]I'm just gonna OD on it. So I don't make it at home, but I go somewhere and get me some. I can be rude and nasty, but I'm just trying to be truthful.

[00:34:36]Um, well, the the truth sometimes to me like people say the truth hurt and it does sometimes and it hurt real bad sometimes. But I feel like like people like my daughter, she'll she believe because it is the truth that she could just speak it. And I done told her, I said, "No, I'm on and on. Truth is so powerful that you have to be careful what you even do with truth because sometimes a thing can be true and that thing needs to be concealed momentarily because timing is everything. Timing is everything. Even though you know a thing is true, sometimes you have to put it in reserve and use it later on because you know truth is a lot.

[00:35:27]Just because it's true. I swear.

[00:35:30]I know. I told my sister, I mean my daughter, I said, "No, no, no, Monae.

[00:35:36]Just because a thing is true, you just can't always speak on it. Not right away." Time is is is important. You got to be careful with the truth. Got to be careful with the truth.

[00:35:49]I hear people people my age and older who who think that just because a thing is true, you can just say it.

[00:35:58]There's a fine line between telling someone the truth out of love and and and shaming someone with the truth.

[00:36:06]Girl, me and my daughter was talking yesterday and we was talking about y'all remember when me Do y'all remember in the chat like put a one in the chat if you were here when me and my family was fighting on YouTube? Just put a put a one in the chat so I know who's in here. How many of y'all know about that before I speak on that? cuz I'm getting ready to speak on that and and um and it's about the truth.

[00:36:32]Let's see. Poopie put on one.

[00:36:37]Yeah, you have to be the truth. [laughter] Anybody else was here during that time?

[00:36:45]Okay. So, you was not here. Okay. Because my family was beefing too. laugh my ass off. Okay, so yeah, me and my family, y'all, for the ones that don't know that's in this [ __ ] chat or in the live, me and my family fought like dogs on this YouTube, okay? I just got to be honest and you know, um, so my family wasn't on social media. They were not on YouTube. They followed me to YouTube to fight me.

[00:37:19]Okay? And if anybody know anything about me, I'm a classic Scorpio.

[00:37:26]So it was really weird that my family decided to follow me to YouTube to fight me because they don't understand that part of my energy is war. They didn't understand that. You see what I'm saying? And so when you go to war, you plan to win, you know, or to fight. You don't know what you could you can lose.

[00:37:51]So when I fight, it's not about me winning necessarily, but I'm you I'mma fight you down to the ground. Like you better be ready to fight. You see what I'm saying? And I'm not going to stop [laughter] cuz we're fighting. You know what I'm saying? And there are no limitations because we are fighting. It doesn't matter who you are. You see what I'm saying? And my family, which is crazy because it's my family, they didn't know.

[00:38:16]And so what I realized that there were a lot of truths that were spoken and they were spoken because of the fight and they were spoken out of timing and a lot of people were hurt really bad to the point where some people will not recover and some of them was damaged gravely.

[00:38:44]So me and my daughter was talking about that and she said, "Mama," she said, "because she said, um, Barbara said, "I started watching you then." Okay.

[00:38:54]My daughter said, "Because the truth was spoken to some people that were unaware of their [ __ ] or some people could say shadow." See, this is the thing. This is this is the thing about the truth.

[00:39:13]When you speak to a person and they are not aware of this [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] that they do and that they possess, um, this is equivalent to damn near emotional and psychological murder. Ser, I'm serious. I'm so serious. So the family members didn't realize, but they were getting ready to be psychologically and emotionally murdered because we were on this side with the truth and introspe the truth and introspection, a level of psychology and a level of awareness. Do you see what I'm saying? So that simply means that Poopie Pie it um is absolutely true that sometimes there's things that can't be un unsaid, right? But this is the thing though when a person speaks to you, right? speaks to a a particular thing that you are not aware of but your subconscious knows the truth.

[00:40:29]Clock it real bad. When a person speaks the truth to you that you are not aware of here, but your subconscious knows that it's true and the subconscious been trying to [ __ ] tell your [ __ ] ass and you're not listening. But then somebody from outside of you speak that thing and your subconscious down in there be like, "Hello, hallelujah.

[00:40:57]Hallelujah." And then that thing hit you here and you like, "What the [ __ ] That's war."

[00:41:09]It's deep.

[00:41:12]And so you Pie Pie says um the family says amen to that again sister Poopy Pie said you shattered their cognitive damn Pie I love the way you talk. I love the way you talk because I be explaining a thing in my Cheryl Gabowski way and then you'll come and put more like a clinical thing down here. But what you said was, Cheryl, you shatter their cognitive dissonance and they have no other option but to face the [ __ ] [sighs and gasps] era and it be like it be like oh it be like ouch.

[00:42:01]It be like tears.

[00:42:03]It'd be like, "What the?" You know what I'm saying? It be all that cuz that's what happened to me. If you were on my channel when I did the video called, if you go down in my my um content and look at it, what happened to me at the coffee shop that happened to me at the coffee shop, too. I have been confronted with the truth that caused the cognitive dissonance that [ __ ] me up.

[00:42:31]and my sister was the recipient of the conversation that happened to um the curated reality they made to convince themselves they're good people get shattered in a single conversation. Good God, I will never [ __ ] forget. How [ __ ] dare you say to me that my life ain't good?

[00:43:00]How [ __ ] dare you that you say to me that people that that I'm close to don't love me or don't like me.

[00:43:11]How [ __ ] dare you say that to me?

[00:43:16]So when me and when after I met my coach was close to the time that this happened with my sister and she and I were having a conversation and she says, "Well, what did your sister say?" And then I told her what my sister said. And then she said, "Well, how much of it is true?"

[00:43:35]And Pooie Pie, you should have seen me.

[00:43:38]You should have seen my inner world do [ __ ] flips like my inner world. But when you're dealing with a a person with NPD, none of this [ __ ] happens with them. You see what I'm saying? Because the mirror ain't ain't there. No mirror.

[00:43:55]So when she say to me about how much of it is true, I'm like, I hear it here, but my subconscious is there saying, Cheryl, we not [ __ ] we're not happy, Cheryl. What? You're not listening to me. Like my subconscious has been trying to tell me that we're not happy. My inner child is been trying to show me. I was listening to Leandro Johnson sing that song.

[00:44:32]Um, what was it?

[00:44:35]Lord, [singing] that song right there. Deliver me.

[00:44:41]One morning while I was doing makeup and I'm just doing my makeup cuz I ain't never heard the [ __ ] song before, but I'm just doing my makeup. I'm just doing my makeup. So, I'm using my brain. I'm using my my brain to help me to, you know, I'm doing the makeup. I'm following the three, four shades on my my eyelid. I'm going over my brows. I'm highlighting my face. I'm contouring my face. I'm in that. That's what I'm thinking about here. Thinking about here. But my subconscious said, "What that song say?"

[00:45:18]Cheryl.

[00:45:20]Cheryl, did you hear the lyrics?

[00:45:24]It's saying, "Deliver me.

[00:45:29]We need to be delivered." Cheryl, before I none of that is is none of that is going on here. It's happening down in me. And while I'm doing makeup, you know your face ain't supposed to be wet.

[00:45:42]While I doing I'm doing fake up makeup.

[00:45:45]I say fake up. My emotions get to stirring up and tears just start running down my face like a river.

[00:45:53]And this was before I met my coach. And I'm like, what the [ __ ] is going on?

[00:45:59]What is going on? Why is this song doing this to me? But Cheryl, listen to the words.

[00:46:06]And um so that's what happens. So with my family, that was my thing. But with my family, they had never heard the words that we spoke to them.

[00:46:17]They were fighting us. So then we fought them back with the truth that they were not aware of, but their subconscious knew.

[00:46:28]Anyway, if you're new to the channel, welcome to the channel. My name is Chargo Bows, and this is a place of introspection.

[00:46:34][laughter] Um, must be some jealousy there. Um, it's the same when a abuse victim realizes the depth of their abuse except there's no bad guy but themselves.

[00:46:53]Oh my god, girl. Barbara says, "Must be some jealousy there.

[00:47:00]When we have things happening for us, then others want to see our downfall.

[00:47:06]That can be true too. But was what was happening to me was that time at the coffee shop with my sister.

[00:47:18]That was my mirror.

[00:47:22]and and and eventually those words again subconsciously would not leave me until until it did what it was supposed to do.

[00:47:37]It shattered the illusion.

[00:47:41]So a lot of times Pie, I don't know what you think about this, but basically a lot of us are living from two different places.

[00:47:50]We're living from two different places.

[00:47:52]But that truth that we spoke to to my relatives, they're they're not the same. Their life is different, too.

[00:48:01]So, you got to be careful. And see, now nowadays, right, like me and my my uh friend that I was telling y'all about, my ex-lover friend.

[00:48:16]Um, you got to be careful with the truth.

[00:48:23]That's all I got to say about that. You just got to be careful. Too many people are unable to accept the duality and dichonomy of themselves. I and now I feel completely opposite of that because I thank God every day that I have the knowledge and the information to help me to manage my entire being on a whole another level because I needed all of this. You know that's how complex I am as a person. Too many people are unable to accept the duality. But we are not our sister's keeper. We are our own sister. Yes, exactly. Um, Poopie Pie, you fast, girl. You fast.

[00:49:17]So, that's a wonderful thing. So, Pooie Pie, do you think that that is Do you think that's the same thing as having a split?

[00:49:30]Is that the same thing as having a a split or not?

[00:49:39]And if you say yes, then do all people have that or is that just the duality or is it is it just that you know cuz I tell you I mean no I've met someone with D did and it was very different. What is did sound like y'all going to go to sleep? I hear Rayen. You about sound like you snoring over there. What is did girl?

[00:50:23]What if Ken uh Kenneth Hillard? Hello.

[00:50:27]Multiple personalities.

[00:50:30]So, no. I've met someone with DID and it was very different.

[00:50:34]Like the movie Cibil. I don't think I've seen Cibil. What is that? The What is that? The movie of the guy who was Patricia and he had a therapist and he's was talking about there was a monster inside of him. He was Patricia. He also was a little boy. He had a lot going on. And then the all these people were different people but they all lived inside of him.

[00:50:59]Is that is that the split?

[00:51:02]The personalities usually hide from each other and don't interact until a lot of therapy is done. Yeah, that movie was about it too. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh god, that's scary. [laughter] But in that caused through um severe abuse because the brain is a tricky thing, you know, it it does a lot and and a lot of people don't realize that this brain [ __ ] that they do is really really bad.

[00:51:38]It's really, you know, a lot of people really don't realize that that they the thing that they learn how to do out of survival because the brain just doesn't automatically do that. The brain will do what the [ __ ] it has to do to make you survive. So if it if it if it has to split itself 10, 12, 13 times, it will do that. Um, a lot of memory gaps with that one. And it does stem from severe abuse, usually from early childhood. Yep. That's what I just said. And um I tell you what, another thing we going to learn how to do, we going to learn how not to elect malignant narcissists.

[00:52:25]Okay?

[00:52:27]We gonna learn how not to do that, you know.

[00:52:37]Mhm.

[00:52:38]It's crazy. We're going to learn how one of these days that's going to be part of uh one of the things that we do uh to make sure we going to be screening and make sure that we don't elect malignant narcissists.

[00:53:01]Mhm. and put them in charge one day. We got to figure that part out.

[00:53:09]For so many years, we've been screaming about mental health. Oh my god. And right now, we are in the world of we need mental health the most. I thought I had it when I was recovering my repressed memories, but now most of them are accounted for.

[00:53:29]What do you mean about accounted for?

[00:53:32]Most of them are accounted for. Your Okay. So, most of your repressed memories you're aware of. You're conscious of now. And um the brain has shown those memories to you because you're you feel safe enough for it to boy. The brain is something else.

[00:53:52][clears throat] And people don't understand. People think that they're in control of their brain and and they're not. Well, you you can control it, but you have to be taught how to. It's not just going to you know what I'm saying?

[00:54:07]And it all depends on your childhood, too, honey. I tell you, Lord, um May is mental health awareness month. I did find that out today. I did. And I think this is going to be a beautiful month uh for for me and everybody else. For me, my gaps were from 10 to 12. And I recovered most of the memories at 26 and 27. So let me let me ask you a question.

[00:54:33]Do you remember what happened to like what like was there anything particular that happened that made the memories come back?

[00:54:49]Were you going through like a health crisis or were you going through a breakup? Like what happened?

[00:54:56]I'm just curious.

[00:54:59]They were all triggered loose by an old photo of my childhood.

[00:55:05]Oh my god. I wish I had old photos.

[00:55:10]I've I've forgotten a lot, too. Like, I remember a lot. And when I take y'all over to my aunt's house, which I was telling y'all about the other day, my aunt Cheryl, I went over there the other day and she took granddaddy's and and grandma's house and now she's refurbishing the house and all of that. So, I visited there for for a while and then when I walked outside the front door, I looked over that really big tree over by the fence and honey, when I got in my vehicle and drove off, tears just come down my Oh, tears. And once I saw it, everything started flooding in.

[00:55:54]Yeah. The brain hid it from you for a while. The brain itself, its job is to protect us and it's going to DO ITS JOB.

[00:56:03]WHAT'S UP, Miss [laughter] I got to start calling you the scholar.

[00:56:10]Respect and blessing to the chat family and mods. Have a blessing, wonderful weekend. You too, Mr. Time. Really? Um then I confirmed as much as I could with other people who were thank you for the hearts who were like my sister and mom and they confirmed a lot of the details.

[00:56:33]Aren't you blessed?

[00:56:36]That was a wonderful wonderful blessing for you that your mom and your sisters confirm the details.

[00:56:46]Um cuz I have a friend of mine who her family won't won't validate what she's saying and they accuse her of being crazy.

[00:56:59]Can you imagine that? It's terrible where she's trying to she got these repressed memories that are coming back and then the family is still gaslighting her and telling her that it didn't happen. Um, so Real Media, what's up in the building? Hey, hey.

[00:57:24]Um, then I wrote a letter and confronted the two people who abused me as a child.

[00:57:33]How courageous is that, Poopie Pie?

[00:57:41]I had a young lady who asked me to confront her uncle for her and um I asked her to please do that herself. At the time I was new in this world of introspection and therapy and I didn't think I you know that was my place to do it at the time but if somebody needed me to do it now I would low-key probably shouldn't have but I think it helped me a lot in healing. I'm glad you did it.

[00:58:05]Especially with you saying that it helped. You know what I'm saying?

[00:58:09]That's why I say you I mean what a gift you know what a gift for you you know that these you know your mom or your sister helped you on your healing journey and and you wrote those letters I feel like people should be confronted but I mean you don't have to confront people you don't have to confront people in real time like your abuser but you do have to get alone and you know get into the feeling and emotion of all of what happened to you and confront it within yourself and maybe even speak loud to that person that did that thing to you back then.

[00:58:52]The memory itself because that's what's holding the emotions in. The memory itself is holding the emotions in. Now I got to see that [ __ ] at my sister's funeral and the last time we spoke was like six, seven years ago.

[00:59:07]Would you speak to him? I know, Barbara.

[00:59:09]Such bravery. Would you Would you Don't speak to him. Po poopy pie.

[00:59:16]Don't speak to him. What the [ __ ] No.

[00:59:19]I [clears throat] don't think he deserves for you to speak to him. Now, let me ask you a question because a lot of people feel a ways about this. I know. Um, have you forgiven him or or and not or? And and do you feel the need to?

[00:59:39]And I know this [ __ ] is going to try to rug sweep. What the hell is rug sweep?

[00:59:46]I'm sorry. I don't know what that means.

[00:59:48]I can't even use my context clues with it. What it mean?

[00:59:53]I don't know what that means, honey.

[01:00:01]What that mean? Poopie pie. No. And no.

[01:00:04]Laugh my ass off. Okay. Sweep everything under the rug like nothing happened. Oh yeah.

[01:00:11]Oh yeah.

[01:00:16]I What do you say about this? What do you say about us being human? None of us are perfect.

[01:00:24]We we're living um this life and we've things have happened to people and then they they did those things to others. Like what do you say about that?

[01:00:36]Um no Poopie Pie. Forgive him and cast him out of your life. Um what's up Brenda? It's been a while. What's up boo? I will not forgive a whole grown ass adult who abused a kid under 12.

[01:00:50]They can get bent.

[01:00:55]See? Okay. So, Barbara, listen. Me and Pooie Pie are kind of we we kind of on the same page with that, right? Because um no, like it doesn't mean that she has to live in resentment. It doesn't mean that she's still crying over it. I mean, if she want to, she can. But that word forgive is always been funky for me. I I just gota be honest, Barbara. I love you to death, but I mean, you just got to know that I I you know, that word forgive is is funky to me. You know what I'm saying? I really still don't really understand all of what it's talking about.

[01:01:39]You know what I'm saying? What do you How do you do that? Um I won't deck them in the face. Um but I'll keep my mouth shut.

[01:01:50]So, how do y'all in the chat, everybody in the chat, how do y'all forgive? Cuz it's funky to me. Like I, you know, you know, I feel like my ex-husband, the first one, I I forgave him, which was the weirdest thing. I guess y'all say forgive, but I was determined that I'm not going to forgive him. I mean, Barbara, I was determined that I wasn't going to forgive him, right? And whenever I saw him, I mean mugged the [ __ ] out of him. And that's all my kids father. And he was eventually he was afraid of me literally because I I called it this is what I called it Barbara. I called it holding him accountable. That when he saw me that I wasn't I wasn't going to be gas lit or I wasn't going to push nothing under no rug and that I wouldn't allow him to act as if he could do whatever he wanted and everything was cool.

[01:02:49]Whenever I saw him, I turned into a a ice tower.

[01:02:55]Solid as ice every time. I'm serious.

[01:03:00]Um, [ __ ] had a whole ass puppet to try and drink milk off of. There's no way I can see that I was see that as I was a different generation and didn't know better.

[01:03:16]Yeah, Poopie Pie, I sympathize with you.

[01:03:19]Uh, you're doing the best you can. You know, just make sure that you treat yourself good and uh and you love on yourself good. That's what you really need. So, you see what I'm saying? Um, Barbara, so it's kind of funky about the forgive. It triggers me a little bit because um I just feel like we too we we do we put too much stock in forgiveness, right? And so therefore it is it don't give people poop, what you think about this? I think we put too much stock in forgiveness and then therefore the people know people that that like repeat offenders, people that do terrible things like toxic people, they do it over and over and over again because they know that you're going to forgive them.

[01:04:08]See what I'm saying?

[01:04:10]I don't know. I don't I don't know what the the better way to be about it. I can forgive. I have forgiven. You know what I'm saying? And I did eventually forgive my husband and it happened like six months before he passed away. There was no communication between us. It was just one day out of the blue. I had nothing to do with it.

[01:04:32]I I literally had nothing to do with it.

[01:04:35]It wasn't a forought of mine any kind of way. I wasn't even thinking about him.

[01:04:38]And then all of a sudden, I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine.

[01:04:42]We were up at the salon. And then I just looked at her and I said, "Sharon." She was like, "What?" I [clears throat] said, "I forgive Lacy.

[01:04:51]I I" She said She said she was baffled cuz she know our story real good. And she was like, "What?" I said, "Girl, I forgive Lacy."

[01:05:01]She was like, "Sure."

[01:05:03]I was like, "Yeah, Sharon. I mean right now when I feel in my body, I don't feel I don't I don't feel the the the emotions that I had towards him. They are gone. I don't even know how they [ __ ] got gone. I just know. But I know that I didn't force it. I know I didn't because people say that we have to forgive. I put no stock in that. I I didn't. I said, "I feel this type of way. I still have these emotions. This [ __ ] did, you know, I was like that." And then about 6 months before he passed away, cuz he passed away all of a sudden out of nowhere, I just it was gone. And I think I I'll say it like this, Barbara Poopie Pie. I don't think it was forgiving Lacy, but I think literally it was all the feelings, negative emotions that I had for him, I had processed them all. I'm talking about every [ __ ] last one. I literally had done the emotion work and it was over. Literally, that's what happened. Um, they expect everyone else to keep the peace. Meanwhile, the narc is the only one with peace. That's what I'm [ __ ] saying, Pooie Pie. I That's what I'm saying. We We got to make sure that we're not in a [ __ ] rush. I know people teach it like that.

[01:06:33]I understand it. I understand it. And on the other side of that, Poopie Pie is if you don't forgive the person Poopie Pie, if you don't forgive the person Cheryl, if you don't forgive the person Barbara, then God could come like a thief in the night and take you out of here and then you still have the unforgiveness in your heart and you miss miss your heaven ticket. So when they package it all like that, it's really hard to honor your emotions and to stand on business because they have basically said that if you don't forgive this person with a quickness, you could come next thing you can look at look around and your candle be put out, your light be smothered.

[01:07:24]That's what it is. Um, see, I was able to forgive my sister who abused me. Let's see. Let me see. Uh, as a child because I knew she was just a hurt kid, reenacting what she endured as a child. Yes, that makes perfect sense.

[01:07:44]Uh, when it's right for you, everyone is different. Benny White say, "When it's right for you, everyone is different."

[01:07:51]Okay. Um, Barbara says, "We had an abusive dad. He treated us like slaves.

[01:07:59]He cheated on our mom from during my childhood." I understood that. Now it's all about letting go, not so much as to forgive.

[01:08:10]Yes. But let me ask you this, Barbara.

[01:08:12]But did you process all of that? Like did you literally like spend time saying saying or or did you even need to um in your personal time, dad, you you you hurt me. You hurt the family. You hurt our mother. Dad, I wish that you could have been a more healthier and a loving father. Therefore, it would have made me a different type of woman.

[01:08:41]I wish, dad, that I would have had the experience with a healthy dad as other people did. Did you process any of it like that? Because that's what I did. I actually hated him. Yes. And he didn't care.

[01:08:59]See?

[01:09:00]Yeah.

[01:09:02]That's how you process it. Literally, you have these conversations with mom and dad. They could still be living or not living. They don't really even have to be around you. But you, your subconscious, you've got to allow it to speak because it's still a child. That girl Barbara that dad neglected is still alive. And so when she speaks, like Poopie Pie said, from within, which is that co uh subconscious, she wants to have a conversation because she needs she's the one that needs to be told, you know, all of these things to help her with it.

[01:09:42]barber. Not you as the adult barber, but the inner child who was treated bad by dad. That um I didn't I I think being able to see the humanity of the people who consistently hurt us is more healing than forgiveness. Honey, that day where I realized, you know, my mama told me a story. I not it's it's not a long story, y'all. It's short. So my mama was short bowlegg and she had a really big glutes.

[01:10:12]I [clears throat] mean they were thick.

[01:10:15]They were long and and they were really round and it stood her glutes was way out from her body. So she had a really noticeable heavy bottom and she talked about being young, being 14, 15 years years old with a body like that. And she said when she walked outside and when she went anywhere, men would, you know, grown men, old men, everything would just, you know, it was just crazy. And so her mother's husband was like that, too.

[01:10:53]Her mother's husband was that way, too.

[01:10:56]So when she would get home from school, mother's husband would be there. She would run through her chores because she told me that he didn't know how to keep his hands to himself. And then there she was and her mama was still at work. So there she was with a young girl forced to be outside with a body like that.

[01:11:16]That drove all men nuts. And and and then things happened from there. She get with my dad. He's like like almost 21 years older than her. And she's 17 years old with this old man. and she's straight into survival mode. And when I thought about that, I said I literally called her by her name. I was like, "Damn, Marie, things were rough for you, too. You She had lived in survival mode with us the whole [ __ ] time. It was all about making sure her children had clothes, food, and somewhere to stay.

[01:11:57]She didn't develop properly. Obviously, her mother didn't even know what she was going through because she was trying to take care of herself as being a teenage daughter. Uh, I'll leave outside the house because mama's husband don't know to keep his hand to herself type [ __ ] And so, when I saw my mama's humanity, I saw her as a woman, as a person, that did help me settle my issues with her. You see what I'm saying? Um, because her situation was hard, too. I mean, it, you know, it was rough. It was it was rough.

[01:12:30]So So yeah, it's been a lot of uh introspection. We all in this chat have gone through so many things. Some some of y'all ain't said nothing but y'all are here. That's fine. Um you're you're in the bushes. That's cool. Um but that's why I do what I do cuz I' I've had so much pain. Barbara said, "Wow."

[01:12:51]Yeah, I've had so much pain. She had them yams. [laughter] Poopie pie. Girl, girl, she had them glutes, honey. God, she did not give them to I mean I got a little piece. I got a little piece, but honey, my mama had a don't for real real bad. And um but she said that thing was terrible.

[01:13:15]She said it was terrible living a life with a behind like that.

[01:13:21]Uhhuh. My sister told me the same thing.

[01:13:23]She said the same thing to me one day cuz she got one too, but not big as my mama's was. Cuz my sister stayed small.

[01:13:29]She stayed small. But if she got real big, she would have a massive butt, too. And we're not talking about a regular side.

[01:13:37]But anyway, my sister told me this thing ain't been nothing but trouble.

[01:13:42]My sister said that to me, too. So maybe all women with glutes like that didn't suffer in that way, but but men sexualize women when they shape like that and they and they do it early. And God knows you got to watch uncles and cousins sometimes even brothers. It's just terrible. One of my associates, she wasn't my friend, she was my relatives friend. Um, she told me that her uncle had Seg with her from the time she was six until the time she was 14. And she said, "With Shane," this is what she told me. She said, "And I liked it."

[01:14:20]Sure.

[01:14:23]I was like, "Oo, girl, that's a lot of reality there. That's a lot. That's a lot." You know what I'm saying? But she didn't realize that I understood. I have them yams also, and men can be gross.

[01:14:36]>> [laughter] >> What's up, Black Vega? Do you got the yams, girl? Okay, now Benny White. Um, Barbara said, "This is therapy for me to learn to put things life in perspective." Thank you, Cheryl, and Pooie Pie for sharing. Oh, you are so welcome. Um, I had Cups in junior high and people were so weird. Yeah, they will sexualize you early.

[01:15:03]And I mean, um, it's just terrible. So, um, she said she liked it, though.

[01:15:08]Poopie Pie, did you hear me? When I said that, she told me her uncle had sex with her. He started when she was 6 years old until she was 14. And she said she liked it. So, when when she said that to me and I, you know, having the information that I have, I I said to her, she's passed away now. I mean, she passed away. She passed away in her 40s.

[01:15:33]She went into the hospital to have some type of heart procedure and at that time they saw cancer everywhere and so they made her comfortable and let her pass.

[01:15:46]But anyway, she was saying that her body liked it and and and you could see the conflict in her and the shame. You can see it. I had Cups and Okay, I thought you' put a new comment down there. And um so then what I told her, this is what I told her. Listen, the body does what it does. Okay? So, we live in this system, but there are systems inside the system.

[01:16:08]Just like we just talked earlier about your brain, your brain does things to protect you. If it needs to turn into Sarah, then it turns into Lucy, then it turns into Pam, then it turns into Henry, then it turns into John, it'll do that as many [ __ ] times as it as it needs to to make sure that you keep existing.

[01:16:31]The brain does that. You're not doing it. The brain knows that. So that's a system. So when she says that I liked it. I had to break it down for her. Let her know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[01:16:42]You didn't like it. Your body liked it.

[01:16:46]You are not your body. You live in it. I had to let her know that you are not your body. You live in this thing. And this shame that you feel, this feeling and this emotion, we got to get rid of that because that's hurting you.

[01:17:04]That's hurting you. This man was an adult. This man had did these things to you, so he coded you because the body does what it does. This is not your fault. Even if it was pleasurable, God has designed a body with a nervous system all the way through it. Nerve feelings. See, if I touch my face, it kind of gives me a a warm feeling. If I touch my forehead, same thing. If I touch my neck, same thing. The body loves touch. See what I'm saying? So, the body did that. Forgive you. Don't there's no need for her to forgive herself. Maybe she thought that she needed to, but no. And it's so sad that by feelings and emotions that can hold you hostage in inside of your system.

[01:17:53]And you got to be more kind to yourself.

[01:17:54]And I explained that to her. It's sadly a very common occurrence in CSA for that shame around body responses. I didn't know that. Benny White said that's a damn shame. I know. I I didn't know that was a uh I didn't know that.

[01:18:13]Uh, Poopie Pie, that shame around body responses.

[01:18:18]Yeah, that's what you call it, body responses. Yeah, she lives in We live in a body. If somebody take a a damn feather and feather your the bottom of your feet uh without you having socks on, it's gonna tickle.

[01:18:36]You know, if somebody get to touching private areas, somebody that knows how to touch private areas and he did not, even though he graded her, he didn't gra he groomed her and seduced her. Do y'all see what I'm saying?

[01:18:56]I will see you soon, sweetheart. And I have to got to take this call. Okay, darling. Have a good evening. The mind separates when trauma happens to us.

[01:19:08]Have y'all ever seen that?

[01:19:11]Have y'all ever have you have you ever had a conversation with somebody who's talking to you about their trauma and and that person ain't really told too much or nobody, but they decided to call you and have you to come to their house and then they discussed it. When I tell you I've seen that in real life, I saw her as she talked to me about what she talked to. I saw her separate from her body. I saw her separate from her body. I saw it.

[01:19:55]Mhm.

[01:19:57]I saw that. U boy, it it was something else. And I said, um, well, I made it out the door without crying because I had told myself cuz I I I knew that she was going to talk to me about it. I wanted to hear about it, but I didn't know when she was going to do it. And that night when she said come to her house, just instinctually, I knew that this conversation was going to happen. And I told myself, you will not cry. You will not cry. you will be there for her. She can cry.

[01:20:33]Your job is to support her and to listen because that's what she called you to do. That's your job. But you will not cry. So I didn't cry until I got out of the house. And boy, I drove with tears rolling down my face. It was horrific.

[01:20:48]and um to to to to see her because when she talked to me, she was talking to me like it had happened to somebody that she observed. Did y'all get that? She was talking to me like she watched it happen to somebody else, but that somebody is her.

[01:21:12]I don't know if that makes sense to you.

[01:21:15]Uh disassociation, oh my god, is very weird to experience. It's like watching a movie while your entire body is asleep.

[01:21:30]That's what I mean.

[01:21:33]That's what I just described.

[01:21:36]See, before I saw your comment, I said she talked to me like She was observing something that happened to someone else.

[01:21:50]That's what it looked like cuz I was watching her and I was listening to her and I was feeling her emotionally, energetically and it was like that she had watched someone else and you say that's called disassociation.

[01:22:23]It's just something else. I tell you for for you know I'm a cosmetologist by trade and I have this YouTube channel. I've been talking to women all my life. I've been been having intimate conversations with all kinds of women all my life standing behind a chair. Um, for the last 15 years I've been in a studio, very private, very intimate setting. Very private. Good evening, Ro. Hey, Roou.

[01:22:55]Very private, very intimate setting in a studio. Most of the time it's just me and one client. Sometimes it'll be two, two clients and me.

[01:23:06]And I've had some of the most intimate conversations with beautiful people.

[01:23:13]I'm telling you, I'm not a psychiatrist.

[01:23:16]I'm not a therapist, but I've been doing this for 37 38 years. It's It's been a lot.

[01:23:26]I separated myself from my family when I was 9 years old. I said I would never get married if I had to marry someone like our dad.

[01:23:38]He beat on our mom. I came from a dysfunctional domestic home.

[01:23:48]First of all, Barbara, I am so sorry being a child again in a scary environment where you saw the person that was supposed to love and support you hurt your mother and then consequently hurt you guys.

[01:24:10]That was emotional, mental, and psychological abuse on kids.

[01:24:16]And it also stole from you because you said that you would never want to be married again.

[01:24:25]Married if you had to deal with something like that because that was your model and that's a part of your construct.

[01:24:36]And I'm just telling you, boy, I I first I'm just sorry, girl, that you went through that. Yes. It's like someone is nonchalantly explaining a plot to a TV show, but the main character is them.

[01:24:54]That's how it was.

[01:24:59]Yeah.

[01:25:01]The abuse is no joke. like for me, for Barbara, for you PewDiePie.

[01:25:08]Um, and for my mother, I'll speak for her. She's not here.

[01:25:13]Um, it just it changes you. You're not the person that you originally was. We're not the same people that we were originally was. Uh, we could have been different from what we are now.

[01:25:32]Um, yeah, it's just a lot. But if you don't detach yourself from it, it simply hurts too badly to coexist with.

[01:25:47]Yeah.

[01:25:49]I I took that person to therapy and she she said no. I mean, she was talking to the therapist all of five, six, seven minutes when she got up and she said, "Uh, Cheryl, I'm leaving."

[01:26:10]So, we left.

[01:26:13]She never went back.

[01:26:18]She never went back. So, it's just a lot. I wish that most of us would really I mean, even if you got take little bitty little bitty steps toward healing our