Feeling Patronized and Being Treated Like a Child When We Get Older

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:07]Patronizing is when someone treats you with surface level kindness, but the undertone is that they are above you in some way.

[00:00:25]Hey all, welcome back to the channel.

[00:00:27]Uh you know, this week as I was running my errands and stuff, I just came out of Aldi.

[00:00:34]I thought since I'm in the I want to about aging >> [laughter] >> thing, after [music] after my last video about feeling old and ugly, I decided to another video [music] about something that really bugs me about aging.

[00:00:53]And that something is being feeling patronized by other people. Especially younger people.

[00:01:05]And you know, it's funny because a few people mentioned this in the comments on my [music] last video.

[00:01:11]And man, that video, uh feeling, you know, old and ugly, wow, the response, I just can't believe the engagement on that video. I've never had that [music] much engagement, I don't think, on any other video that I've done. So, I want to talk a little bit about that at the end of this video. Um so, stay tuned for that if you'd like to hear that.

[00:01:39]But like I said, since I was in the I want to about aging mode, I want to talk about feeling patronized.

[00:01:47]And it is freezing cold here still [music] in Western New York. That's why I had to go back in the house to get my my coat [music] that is covered covered with something.

[00:02:00]>> [laughter] >> Cat hair, probably.

[00:02:04]But, uh yeah, like I said, it's cold.

[00:02:07]So, you know, let's go home and and put the kettle on and have a cup of tea [music] and talk about patronizing people.

[00:02:17]I'll see you in a few minutes.

[00:02:43]Hey everyone. Uh welcome back to my [music] warm kitchen with a hot cup of tea here in the freezing cold northeast.

[00:02:51]But, like I said, today I want to talk about um patronizing people.

[00:02:57]And being patronized when you're older because I feel like this is so much worse now than it was like when I was a kid or when I was young. I feel like people then were treated with more respect when they got older. And now I think in our youth-obsessed culture that people just look so down on you once you reach a certain age because they just, you know, feel sorry for anybody over 50.

[00:03:37]>> [laughter] >> I remember the first time that I that this kind of came into my reality is someone over 50.

[00:03:48]I remember I was in a bar with a friend of mine for somebody's birthday and this friend of mine was probably one of the most beautiful women that I've ever known.

[00:04:01]And the younger people were playing this game where they were racing around the building.

[00:04:08]Only drunk people can do this. But my friend being in very good shape is like, "Oh, I can beat, you know, all of you."

[00:04:16]So, she raced them a couple times and yes, she beat them.

[00:04:20]And um but after that, they were kind of talking like to her like, "Oh, you know, you're so hot and everything." And when they walked away, she said to me, she said, "I hate it when people patronize me."

[00:04:35]And I thought I had always thought of her as a beautiful woman.

[00:04:42]So, at first that didn't really hit me.

[00:04:45]But then when I thought of it, I thought they were patronizing her. Oh my god, we've reached that point in our lives where younger people are pretending that we're attractive to make us feel better about ourselves.

[00:05:02]And like I said in the beginning, when I looked at patronizing, it is when someone treats you with surface level kindness, but underneath that is the the attitude that they are above you in some way. And now in our current culture, youth obsessed culture, younger people always think that they are above us because oh my god, nobody wants to get old. And I don't remember people feeling like that when I was a kid. Maybe you did, but I don't.

[00:05:44]But you You that's not the only time that I dealt with, you know, patronizing behavior. I remember one time, this is kind of a funny story. Uh back to Aldi, there used to be this cashier there that every time I would check out, she would look at me and I'm going to say this in a loud voice, so be prepared, and she would say, "Well, hello, young lady." And I just kind of like okay.

[00:06:15]Hi.

[00:06:15]>> [laughter] >> And um so one day I'm in there and there's a few people in front of me in the line. One of them is an old person.

[00:06:25]She goes through the line. The girl yells to her, "Hello, young lady."

[00:06:31]And then the next person isn't an old person and she doesn't say that. And she says to this person, she's like, "I say that to all the old people cuz it makes them feel young." Yeah. [laughter] So, I get up there. Now, mind you, mind you, backing up, this woman isn't like 25 or 35 even. She's like in her 50s with a grandchild. I've heard I had heard her talk about the grandchild. So anyway, I get up there.

[00:07:02]Sure enough, "Hello, young lady." And I looked at her and I said, "Hello, young lady to you, too."

[00:07:10]>> [laughter] >> And you know what? After that, she never did it to me again. But I just think we come across this, you know, I did a whole video a while ago, probably over a year ago, I should say, and the title of it was um I'm not your honey or sweetie or something like that. But it offended so many people in the South that I took the video down.

[00:07:37]But I am going to preface this by saying, if you live in the north and people are calling you honey and sweetie, it is probably because you are old.

[00:07:49]And in the south, I realize it's very different and everybody gets called honey and sweetie, but it is not like that here.

[00:07:58]So, like I was in Dollar Tree the other day and I'm telling you the kid working at the checkout, I had the hardest time just keeping my cool and just not responding to him in a really negative way because he kept looking at me going, "Honey.

[00:08:22]Honey." Like I was the most pathetic thing because I was over 60.

[00:08:31]But, I learned in college when I took psychology of aging that older people are to be treated with respect.

[00:08:42]They are not to be treated like children and to be referred to as cute and adorable or honey and sweetie.

[00:08:51]I remember one time the friend of mine that I talked about sitting in the bar with, she lived in an apartment in an apartment in a house and the man that owned the house and lived in the other part of the house was in his 90s and very with it mentally.

[00:09:12]And he had been at one time the president of our community college here.

[00:09:18]But, he loved jazz and we went to I went with them, her and him and, you know, my friend that lived there and him and we went to listen to some jazz at a restaurant.

[00:09:35]And as we were listening, they played a song that reminded him of his youth and of his wife, you know, that had passed.

[00:09:44]And he started getting real teary-eyed.

[00:09:48]And the waitress came over.

[00:09:51]And she was just like, "Oh, honey.

[00:09:55]Honey, what's wrong?" I mean, just treating him like he was this, you know, little child. And he got so mad that we had to leave at the way that she was treating him.

[00:10:11]And I just feel like young people today maybe need to be better educated. And I guess, you know, this waitress wasn't young. She was probably in her 50s and should have known better than to treat an, you know, uh an adult older man like he was a five-year-old.

[00:10:33]And I just I just don't know what can be done about it other than maybe when people treat us like that, saying something like I feel like there needs to be better training of cashiers at stores because I feel that it is highly inappropriate for the cashier at Dollar Tree to be referring to me as honey. Like, I wanted to say to him, "We don't even know each other. Why are you calling me honey?"

[00:11:01]But maybe I'm too uptight. And I'm sure I will hear from people in the South, "Oh, you know, everybody's honey." But like I said, it's not like that here.

[00:11:09]If you are being called honey and sweetie here, you are old.

[00:11:13]>> [laughter] >> And you know, I remember years ago watching Katy Perry interviewed by somebody. I can't remember what show it was. But her boyfriend was his name Russell Brand, maybe? I don't know. But her boyfriend at the was going to be in a movie with Helen Mirren. And I'm telling you, I believe that Helen Mirren is one of the most patronized actresses out there. And you know, a lot of people might not even notice this.

[00:11:46]But during this interview, Katy Perry kept acting like her boyfriend was so attracted to Helen Mirren and oh, she was worried Helen was going to steal her boyfriend and everything. I thought, you are being so patronizing because you know that your boyfriend doesn't really want to be with Helen Mirren and you are being patronizing to her and thinking that that is going to make her feel good that you're pretending like your boyfriend really wants to be with her. And I have seen this with her so many times where younger actors, younger male actors act like they you know, find her really sexy and attractive.

[00:12:33]>> [clears throat] >> And I'm not saying she's not attractive.

[00:12:36]She is attractive, but she's also older and they're saying these things because they think that it's making her feel better about herself. And I can tell them that I don't believe Helen Mirren needs to feel like you want to go to bed with her to feel good about herself. I remember one time seeing Bo Derek on a I think it was she was like on a she was the judge on a panel. I think it was on one of those modeling reality shows back when I used to watch cable TV.

[00:13:07]And the announcer kept making comments about, "Oh, you look just as you know, just as beautiful as you always have. You haven't aged at all." And you know, all of this stuff.

[00:13:21]And she got kind of irritated with him.

[00:13:24]And I thought, you go, because she doesn't need this announcer on this reality show to say things about her to feel good about herself, cuz you know what? I bet she already feels pretty good about herself. I think there's just so many ways that we deal with, you know, patronizing behavior, people yelling things to to older people, you know, like you like you can't hear, doctors talking down to older people. It's just, I mean, it just goes on and on and on. And I think as soon as you start to see this patronizing behavior from other people, it truly makes you feel old. Like you feel like, okay, I've reached >> [laughter] >> I've reached the old level now that people are patronizing to me and treating me like I need to be uplifted by them because they are better than me.

[00:14:26]And maybe maybe it doesn't bother a lot of people.

[00:14:31]But I know it does bother some because I had comments on my last video about feeling old and ugly um about patronizing behavior. And like I said, I think it's gotten worse, far far worse in our youth-obsessed culture today. And lucky us that we're the old people right now having to [laughter] deal with that.

[00:14:55]You know, I wanted to talk a little bit about my last video feeling old and ugly, but I kind of want to do it outside cuz the sun is actually out, so let's go out there and talk about that a little bit.

[00:15:09]So yeah, my last video, I cannot believe the engagement on it. And it just made me feel so much better because it kind of made me feel like I'm not going through this whole thing alone.

[00:15:26]Like knowing that other people are just dealing with the same type of reaction to all of these changes that aging, you know, brings about in our bodies.

[00:15:40]But and I mean, that's what I really want this channel to be about is like helping each other get through this whole process of aging and turning into the old people that we're going to be.

[00:15:54]Um and now that I'm outside, I'm going to take this opportunity to say that my hair is not black.

[00:16:01]So, I know it looked black in last video and there was several comments on, "You know, you would look better if you lightened your hair."

[00:16:09]My hair is really actually like an auburn brown, which I think it looks like in this, which I'm having kind of a weird hair day, but uh sometimes it is possible to have too much hair, and that's my case.

[00:16:24]But I hope you enjoyed the video today and I wanted to add a little bit more stuff at the end, like some more vlog stuff, but the weather has just been so crappy.

[00:16:35]Like the sun is finally out today, but but it's cold and um so, hopefully in my next video I'll get a little bit more back into that because I really do want to practice up for when I move to New York City.

[00:16:49]And what I want to say also about New York City is that the cashiers there treat me with the same level of grumpiness that they treat everybody. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

[00:17:04]And and that's one thing I really notice about New York City is they don't feel patronized there.

[00:17:09]Older people [music] are looked at differently, um with more respect and just more like they are um you know, like an important part of the fabric of the society there.

[00:17:28]And that's a lot of the reason why I want to move there, too, is that I just [music] feel that older people there have more vibrant lives.

[00:17:38]So, I'll look forward to showing you more of that when I move there in the fall, but I have to go in because it's really cold out here and the sun is gone. [music] So, I will see you in my next video. Bye-bye.