The Older I Get the Less I Want to Improve Myself

[00:00:00]Have you ever noticed that almost everything these days is about becoming a better version of yourself?

[00:00:07]Read this book.

[00:00:09]Follow this morning routine. Develop better habits. Learn a new skill.

[00:00:15]Improve your mindset.

[00:00:17]Become more productive.

[00:00:20]For years I found all of that very appealing. I owned shelves full of self-help books. I highlighted pages. I underlined notes and quotes. I made lists and goals. I genuinely wanted to become a better person.

[00:00:36]And there's nothing wrong with that.

[00:00:39]But somewhere over the past few years, something quietly changed inside me.

[00:00:45]I realized that as I got older, the less I want to improve myself.

[00:00:51]Now, before anyone misunderstands me, I'm not talking about being lazy or cynical or refusing to learn.

[00:01:00]I still want to grow.

[00:01:02]I still hope that God continues shaping my character for the rest of my life.

[00:01:08]But I've lost interest in constantly trying to fix myself.

[00:01:14]Instead, I've become much more interested in becoming comfortable with who God created me to be.

[00:01:23]That feels like a very different journey.

[00:01:27]I had a little confirmation of this just a few days ago.

[00:01:32]My cousin was visiting and during one of our conversations, she said something that caught me by surprise. She said, "You're very contemplative."

[00:01:42]I don't think anyone has ever described me quite that way before.

[00:01:47]But the more I thought about it afterwards, the more I realized she was right. I've always been someone who thinks deeply about things. I notice little details.

[00:01:58]I enjoy sitting quietly and letting ideas just kind of unfold.

[00:02:04]I often need time before I know what I really think about something.

[00:02:10]Years ago, I might have wondered if I should change that. I might have wished I were quicker, more outgoing, more energetic, and more spontaneous.

[00:02:20]But now, I don't.

[00:02:24]I'm actually grateful.

[00:02:26]That's how God made me.

[00:02:30]For a long time, I think I measured myself against people who naturally move through life differently.

[00:02:37]They were faster, more social, more decisive, more confident in crowds.

[00:02:45]I admired those qualities and quietly assumed I ought to be more like them.

[00:02:50]But age has a funny way of changing your perspective.

[00:02:55]You begin to realize that every personality has its own gifts.

[00:03:01]The world needs energetic people.

[00:03:03]It also needs quiet observers.

[00:03:07]It needs leaders. It also needs listeners.

[00:03:11]It needs people who speak quickly and people who choose their words carefully.

[00:03:17]The older I get, the more I appreciate that God isn't trying to mass-produce identical people.

[00:03:25]He delights in variety.

[00:03:27]Obviously, I've spent enough years trying to squeeze myself into someone else's definition of a successful person.

[00:03:36]These days, I'd much rather discover the freedom of being exactly who I was created to be.

[00:03:43]I think that's one of the unexpected gifts of growing older.

[00:03:48]When you're younger, so much of life is about proving ourselves.

[00:03:54]We want people to notice us. We want to make good impressions.

[00:03:59]We want to fit in and we want to succeed.

[00:04:03]We compare ourselves constantly, often without realizing it.

[00:04:08]We look at someone else's confidence and wish we had it.

[00:04:13]We admire another person's talent and wonder why ours seems so ordinary.

[00:04:19]We watch someone else's life unfold and quietly wonder if we're doing something wrong.

[00:04:25]It's kind of exhausting.

[00:04:28]And sometimes we carry that habit with us for decades.

[00:04:33]And it's actually supported by our culture.

[00:04:36]Even after retirement, even after our children are grown, even after we've earned the right to breathe a little easier, we still think we're supposed to become someone else.

[00:04:49]Lately, I found myself asking a different question. Instead of "How can I improve myself?"

[00:04:57]I've started asking, "What do I genuinely love?"

[00:05:02]That question has changed a lot.

[00:05:06]Because when I answer it honestly, the answers are surprisingly simple.

[00:05:11]I love painting.

[00:05:13]I love beautiful illustrated books.

[00:05:17]I love sitting down with a cup of tea and a good book.

[00:05:22]I love wandering through bookstores.

[00:05:25]Are you sensing a theme here?

[00:05:27]I love peaceful homes.

[00:05:30]I love old villages.

[00:05:33]I love exploring.

[00:05:35]I love thoughtful conversations.

[00:05:38]I love making ordinary life feel beautiful.

[00:05:43]And yet none of these things are impressive. They're just simply true.

[00:05:49]And I've stopped apologizing for them.

[00:05:52]There was probably a time when I thought I should have more exciting hobbies.

[00:05:58]I should travel more. I should network more. I should keep busier.

[00:06:02]Be more ambitious in the way the world defines ambition.

[00:06:06]And I actually kind of fell for it.

[00:06:08]I did a lot of those things.

[00:06:11]But I've realized something. You don't have to justify the things that bring genuine life to your soul.

[00:06:18]If they make you kinder, more peaceful, more grateful, closer to God, why would you apologize for them?

[00:06:31]I've also become much less willing to spend time doing things I simply don't enjoy.

[00:06:37]That doesn't mean avoiding responsibility, of course. Life always includes responsibilities.

[00:06:44]But there are so many unnecessary expectations we've accepted over the years simply because we assume that's what people do.

[00:06:55]Sometimes we continue attending gatherings that leave us drained.

[00:07:00]Sometimes we keep saying yes because we've always said yes.

[00:07:05]Sometimes we spend hours maintaining appearances that no longer matter to us.

[00:07:11]Like how important is perfect hair?

[00:07:15]Sometimes we fill our calendars with obligations and wonder why we're tired.

[00:07:21]The older I get, the more I think life becomes an exercise in gentle subtraction.

[00:07:28]Not because our world gets smaller, but because it becomes clearer.

[00:07:34]We begin letting go of what doesn't belong and making room for what does.

[00:07:41]I don't think that's selfish. I think it's wisdom.

[00:07:45]One of the most beautiful changes for me has been discovering that peace often arrives when I stop arguing with my own nature.

[00:07:56]I am an introvert.

[00:07:58]I enjoy quiet.

[00:08:01]I need time alone.

[00:08:03]I think deeply before I speak.

[00:08:07]I notice beauty in ordinary things.

[00:08:11]Those aren't flaws to overcome.

[00:08:14]They're simply part of how God designed me.

[00:08:19]For years, I thought growth meant something different.

[00:08:23]Now I think growth often means becoming more authentic, trusting that God wasn't surprised by the personality he gave me.

[00:08:34]He didn't accidentally make me contemplative.

[00:08:38]He didn't accidentally make you thoughtful, or gentle, or artistic, or quiet.

[00:08:45]Perhaps those things are part of your calling.

[00:08:48]Perhaps the very qualities you've tried to change are the ones someone else desperately needs.

[00:08:55]There is something deeply restful about reaching the place where you stop introducing yourself to the world and start introducing yourself to yourself.

[00:09:08]You begin to recognize the person you've been all along.

[00:09:13]The one beneath the expectations, beneath the comparisons, beneath the pressure to constantly improve.

[00:09:25]I think that's one of the hidden gifts of getting older.

[00:09:29]We slowly trade striving for gratitude.

[00:09:34]Not gratitude because life is perfect, but gratitude because we finally realize we don't have to earn the right to be ourselves.

[00:09:46]God loves us before we accomplish anything.

[00:09:52]He knew our personalities before anyone else met us or before we were born.

[00:10:00]He knew what would delight us.

[00:10:03]He knew what would exhaust us.

[00:10:05]He knew we'd never all fit the same mold.

[00:10:10]And somehow he called that creation very good.

[00:10:16]I don't know about you, but that thought brings me enormous peace.

[00:10:23]So, yes, the older I get, the less I want to improve myself.

[00:10:29]Instead, I want to pay attention to the life God actually has given me.

[00:10:35]I want to love the things I genuinely love.

[00:10:39]I want to stop apologizing for my quiet nature or for why I don't want to attend something.

[00:10:47]I want to spend less time becoming someone else and more time becoming fully myself.

[00:10:55]And maybe that's what wisdom looks like.

[00:10:59]Not needlessly chasing a better version of yourself, but thankfully accepting the person God has been patiently shaping all along.

[00:11:11]And I have to say that feels like a much gentler way to grow.

[00:11:20]Thank you for watching my video. Please subscribe to my channel and click the like button because it helps my channel grow.

[00:11:29]And I'd love to hear your comments on this video. I read them all and I respond to them all.

[00:11:38]And I'll see you next time.