For 3 Years I Lived In My Head

Added: 2026-05-07

[00:00:00]Fake dopamine, no risk, no reward, no nothing. I've lived in my head more than I've lived in the real life.

[00:00:08]And I don't think people understand how real that actually is. I know I'm not talking about just daydreaming for a few seconds. I'm talking about full simulations. Like I've lived entire versions of my life in my head. Versions that never actually happened. Versions that never actually occurred. This sounds [ __ ] but moments, conversations, situations. And it gets deeper like relationships, too. Like I actually felt them. Then I open my eyes and it's not [ __ ] real. Like I open my eyes and it's all in my head. Most of my suffering comes from my own head.

[00:00:43]Like I'll replay something that happened over and over and over again. But like what's even crazier is even the opposite. For example, I'll sit there and imagine a version of my life that never actually happened. Version of my life where everything went right. Where I'm confident as [ __ ] Where I say the right thing every time. Where I win.

[00:01:07]Where I control A to Z. Where people respect me as if I'm the wolf of Wall Street running New York. I remember I reached the point where I just didn't even know the difference between in my head to like reality. I would just daydream every single day all day. Some sort of sick twisted way gives you the same sense of reward. It's almost like that same dopamine and serotonin spike you get from buying a Ferrari I got from imagining that I bought a Ferrari and that business did end up working. But in reality, I didn't do jack [ __ ] There was no red Ferrari parked up in front of my house. I just sat there watching videos, imagining things all day. That's the real problem nobody talks about.

[00:01:52]It's like you get stuck. Sounds schizo saying half this [ __ ] that's coming out of my mouth. I'm probably going to watch this video back and be like Huh? What? But there's another thing people don't talk about. Living in your head, it's living in the safest space in the world. Where you control everything and nobody can touch or hurt you in no way, shape, or form. And the issue that I experienced the most with this and other people have agreed, in real life, you can't compete with the version that you are in your own head. It makes you delusional and without realizing you hesitate. You hesitate on everything.

[00:02:26]You think a little longer. You prepare a little more time. You tell yourself, you know what you tell yourself? You tell yourself, I know this cuz this is what I told myself. You just need to think a little longer. You just got to prepare a little more for everything. But you're not preparing.

[00:02:40]You're genuinely avoiding. And I did this for years. I honestly I convinced myself I was an overthinker.

[00:02:49]I honestly convinced myself I was an overthinker. Like it was some personality trait that I've adapted to.

[00:02:55]Like it made me smart. Like it made me self-aware.

[00:02:58]But in reality, it was just making my brain inactive.

[00:03:02]Because thinking feels productive. That's what you tell yourself. That's what I told myself at least. But it's not. It's truly not.

[00:03:12]It's just comfortable as hell. And then one day it kind of hit me. Like kind of slapped me in the face. Started looking back at my life. Then I realized something that honestly honestly scared me.

[00:03:24]Scared the [ __ ] out of me. I was honestly terrified a little bit. I'm not going to lie. I'm going to keep it a buck with you guys. I had imagined entire phases of my life that never happened. Let that sink in.

[00:03:39]Phases of my life that never actually happened. It's like I could remember them, but they weren't real. They were just things I played out in my head.

[00:03:51]And then when I compare them to real life, to everyday situations, there was barely barely anything there.

[00:03:59]I do experiences or not. I don't know.

[00:04:03]But I can tell you for a fact that's a scary feeling.

[00:04:06]One I one I don't wish upon any human being, not even my biggest enemies. And especially if you know what I'm talking about, you know how [ __ ] up this is. Feeling like time passed, but nothing really happened.

[00:04:21]An occurrence nothing. Zero. Nada. Like you were there, but you weren't really living. And I think a lot of people are in that exact same position. Especially since COVID-19.

[00:04:32]Especially since all these wars. But they just don't realize it yet. And I didn't either. Comes later on. It feels normal. Quite literally it does feel normal. Nothing feels off for a little moment there.

[00:04:46]But then it starts starts [ __ ] Everyone overthinks a little, right? But there's a point where it actually becomes your whole entire life. Where you're not really living anymore.

[00:04:57]You're just imagining living.

[00:05:01]I mean, what type of sick life is that?

[00:05:03]I ask you as I tell you this. And honestly, that's where things really really start to feel dull. Not because life is boring, but because you've trained your brain to get its rewards without actions. Fake dopamine, no risk, no reward, no nothing. Just fake. No reality.

[00:05:23]And then you wonder why life feels slow and boring and dull and empty, overwhelming, almost pointless. But it's not. I couldn't keep living like that.

[00:05:33]So I started forcing something very strict.

[00:05:37]Less thinking, more doing. And that's a very simple switch to flip. Let me tell you this.

[00:05:45]After you flip that switch, less thinking, more doing. Even when I felt unprepared. Even when I knew it would probably be messy. Even when I knew I wanted to go in perfectly, but I couldn't and it wouldn't be perfect. And that's okay. Because here's the truth.

[00:06:01]Here's the honest brutal truth. Clarity comes from action. Clarity comes from feedback. From actually putting yourself in situations where things can actually go wrong.

[00:06:10]From trial and error. Cuz that's the only place you grow.

[00:06:14]And yeah, life is messier.

[00:06:18]But that's okay.

[00:06:20]Supposed to be like that.

[00:06:23]Honestly, it's unpredictable. You don't control the outcome. But that's the whole point.

[00:06:28]That's the whole beauty of life. Expect the unexpected. You plan to go right and then you go left. You plan and you want to go up, but then you go down. And that's inevitable. That's God's plan.

[00:06:40]But you know what you can do? You can counter every single error. Take a lesson from it instead of an L and bounce back stronger and better and wiser. But you got to remember that you can't continue being who you used to be. You have to press that button, make that shift. You have to. You have to accept that things won't go your way always.

[00:07:01]You have to accept that things won't be perfect. You have to accept that there's negativity in this life and you're going to probably experience it at extreme volumes. But that's part of life that you need to face. You can't hide from this part of life. It will find you.

[00:07:19]It's better now. Come prepared.

[00:07:22]Go into war ready for battle instead of just escaping. The soldiers were chasing you and just keep running forever. Accept that you'll mess up and you won't always feel ready either. But do it anyways. Do it anyways. Show up for yourself. Because at least now, although it might be hard, it's [ __ ] real. Like this mic.

[00:07:46]It's real. It's not fake. It's not delusion. It's not in your head. It's in this real world. It's right here. You can't deny it. I'm sitting in this airport yapping to this camera. You can't deny that that's happening right now in real life. A few years ago, you couldn't pay me a million dollars to do this. You could not pay me a billion dollars to do that. And man, to be honest, I'm going to leave you with this. This is my philosophy on this whole topic. I'd rather live a real, messy, complicated life full of hardships and ups and downs and lefts and rights than live a fake delusional one in my head.