CLAIMING A HUSBAND WHO WON’T CLAIM YOU: The Psychology Behind Claressa’s “Wife” Role

[00:00:00]And I got a good man. Yeah, talk to me.

[00:00:02]Talk to me. You still broke.

[00:00:05]You still broke.

[00:00:07]And don't And don't be letting everybody think that Oh, just cuz they posting up on Facebook that they making money. Some of these is just miserable.

[00:00:16]Miserable and sad. And we're back with another psychological breakdown. Baby, I am going to ace my psychology classes.

[00:00:23]All because of Carissa Shields. Her psychology is so fascinating that I discuss her with my peers. She started to make me feel like I could literally start accepting clients at some point.

[00:00:34]So, before anybody gets started, no, I am not a licensed psychologist. However, I am a student of psychology. And no, I'm not here to diagnose Carissa. Not here to bully her. Nor do I support the bullying of Carissa. But just let me be clear. I'm not diagnosing her. I'm not a mental health professional, and this is not a clinical evaluation. What I am doing is recognizing repeated behavioral patterns and exploring the possible psychology behind it. In everyday language, I'm not trying to tell you what condition she has. I'm asking what these behaviors may reveal. Because when the same choices, reactions, and conflicts continue showing up in different situations, it's fair to examine the pattern. This is observation and commentary based on publicly available behavior, not a diagnosis.

[00:01:24]Now, with that being said, it's your girl Nyla, and I'm back with another video. Welcome back to the Vibers, the Blue Heart Gang Gang Gang. And if you're just getting here for the first time, go ahead and hit that subscribe button, click those notification bells so that you can know every time I go live or when I do another upload. Because now we are in a relationship, and yeah, we got to get into this [ __ ] Carissa Shields has taken to social media the last couple of days and declared that Papoose is her husband.

[00:01:56]She's referred to him in quite a few posts as her husband, despite the fact that this man is not divorced. Other than the regular delusion that we can point out in why this is a bad move for women, and I kind of want you guys to understand that some of this is not necessarily about Clarissa, but I see a lot of women making mistakes with men like this, and it just drives me crazy.

[00:02:19]And I really do hate this for Clarissa.

[00:02:22]But the best I could do is use my psychology understanding in order to help. And the fact that I'm an old [ __ ] I got a little knowledge and some experience, I could hopefully stop someone else from making these kinds of mistakes. Because at the end of the day, this is not necessarily just gossip commentary or entertainment. These are literally life lessons, grown woman commentary that can be applied to everyday situations.

[00:02:51]>> Okay, so now you guys are official. Are you guys living together at that point, or just dating?

[00:02:57]>> Absolutely not living together.

[00:02:59]Absolutely not.

[00:02:59]>> Okay.

[00:03:00]>> Um, [music] Clarissa has a property a own her own home, and then she has other >> [music] >> numerous properties.

[00:03:07]And I, you know, I have my own property, my own place of resi- places of residence as well.

[00:03:13]>> Right.

[00:03:14]Well, I think at one point she kind of flashed a diamond ring, so people were thinking, "Oh, are you guys engaged?"

[00:03:18]But I guess she [music] said no.

[00:03:19]>> Um, um, no. You know, we have bought each other gifts for our different holidays, you know, I bought her nice gifts for Valentine's Day. So we exchanged numerous gifts, but never a ring.

[00:03:31]>> As embarrassing as it sounds, she just keeps making post after post about Papoose being her husband. Now, I don't know if this chick is trying to manifest. And if it is, it's literally her business. But we're definitely going to talk about the psychology behind all of this, as well as just the basics.

[00:03:47]This is just not something a smart woman in any dating arena should do. So, with these multiple references that she has made to Papoose being her husband or her hubby, right? Normally, a woman playfully calling her boyfriend her husband would not require a psychological dissertation. People use pet names. Couples speak things into existence and sometimes "That's my husband" simply means "That's my man and I'm not playing about him." But, this situation is different and like I showed in the clip a few minutes ago, Papoose is still publicly identified as Remy Ma's legal husband. More importantly, when Vlad asked Papoose about engagement rumors, Pap's response was very direct.

[00:04:30]"We're not engaged. I never gave her a ring." And y'all already know, had he gave her a ring, she would be on live eating some spaghetti or something with dip flying out of her mouth and talking about it. Now, he has called Clarissa his queen. He has publicly acknowledged their relationship, but from everything I have observed, he does not consistently present her as his wife and he publicly denied that they were engaged or living together. So, when one person is publicly promoting the relationship while the other one is publicly managing expectations, that literally creates what we call in psychology a relationship status asymmetry. Basically, one person is speaking in the language of arrival. You know, "That's my man. That's my husband.

[00:05:12]That's my forever. We have already made it." And the other person is speaking in the language of possibility. "That's my queen. We're together. We go together.

[00:05:21]We going to see what had happened." You know what I'm saying? Those statements sound kind of similar when you're floating on, you know, the fumes of romance, but psychologically, that's not the same, baby. One is a title and the other one is a compliment. And baby, a compliment is nowhere near a freaking marital contract, muffin. One possible explanation is something called premature possession. That is when a person emotionally claims a role, a relationship, or a outcome before that position has actually been mutually established. And we already know she's been doing that for a little while now.

[00:05:57]Do me a favor, if you're in the comments and look, no judgment here if you've done this and you know better, or if you know someone that's doing this, drop a comment and let me know. Because sometimes you do have to pull your girls to the side and be like, "Girl, like he is not that into you." And we all need that one friend that is able to tell us the truth. You have to have someone around you that is not afraid to tell you you look like a dumb bee when you out here being a dumb bee. Sometimes people do what Clarissa is doing because naming it like it already has happened makes them feel safer. And if the situationship has some uncertainty, um calling someone my husband can temporarily turn an unstable situation into something that feels like you're settled in. It is almost like emotionally moving into a house before the paperwork has closed. Y'all know how it is. You'll be on Zillow looking at a pretty house, you done decorated it, you done changed your mailing address, you're showing everybody the kitchen, but your name ain't on the deed yet, baby. Calling a boyfriend husband, right? It may soothe some anxiety created by not knowing where the relationship is going. The title kind of becomes a form of emotional self-medication. It allows the person to just basically be delusional and experience the security of being married without ever receiving that mutual promise. No legal commitment, no public confirmation, or none of that [ __ ] that marriage actually does. And we cannot factor out that we are dealing with a man that in my opinion is very deceptive, very predatory. By him literally being in a relationship with this girl and we all see that there are some cognitive issues here. We see that there are some vulnerabilities and she's literally the same age as his children.

[00:07:49]By that alone, that makes this problematic and lots of red flags. But somebody needs to tell Clarissa that repeating something over and over again does not make it relationally true, especially if the other participant is publicly saying something different.

[00:08:07]Clarissa literally entered into a situation involving a man whose public identity had been deeply connected to Remy Ma for damn near two decades. He was not just married to Remy privately.

[00:08:21]He was not in a private relationship with her.

[00:08:25]Being Remy's husband was a major part of his very public brand and it was very cohesive. But this relationship unfortunately has no cohesion and even though Clarissa is oblivious to it and she's trying to force it down our throats, my spidey senses are telling me that Papoose knows this [ __ ] is not going smooth. He knows this [ __ ] is not cohesive. Their marriage was celebrated as black love. He was praised for holding her down during the incarceration even though we know that was [ __ ] right? They made television appearances together. Their marriage became a part of hip hop culture. So any woman entering after Remy is not entering an empty house psychologically. She is entering a storyline that the public has already been watching for years.

[00:09:11]Calling this negro my husband might function as an attempt to overwrite the old story with the new one, you know, she's in the past, I am the chosen woman now, I have inherited that position, but you cannot erase 20 years of public history by changing the caption underneath an Instagram post muffin.

[00:09:30]That is not how the real world works.

[00:09:32]And this is exactly where the behavior can begin looking not so much like they're in some romantic situation, but more like some sort of symbolic competition. The title wife, it it might represent closeness to Papoose to her, but it also represents victory over [music] Remy. And that's extremely dangerous because once this relationship becomes proof that you won, you can no longer evaluate the relationship honestly. Anytime she's criticized about this, it's going to feel like an attack on [music] her quote unquote win. This is not focusing on this relationship being healthy and this being her forever love. She appears to be focusing on winning, winning over Remy and winning public perception. And what's going to fall out after that is she's going to have to start asking herself how does she prove that she's won? Because honestly, y'all, even after if, I'll have to say if, if this guy marries her, she's still going to be left with having to prove that she won. There's literally going to be no satisfaction in this relationship because the rush that she's getting right now is her competition with this other woman, this other woman who just so happens to be his wife, who don't even want his whack ass anymore.

[00:10:57]And that brings us to another psychological and sociological concept, mimetic desire. Yeah, I know. This one I have been learning about for the last month and a half and I'm like, "Whoa, this is what that is." But mimetic desire means that humans sometimes learn what to desire by observing what other people desire, what other people possess, or what they represent. So, in plain English, sometimes we don't just want someone as a person or just the lifestyle, we want that feeling, we want that status, or that identity we see another woman receiving through it. And we cannot forget the whole black love situation, right? Um how she wanted to take back black love and turn it into gold love. All of that is a part of it.

[00:11:51]And y'all, this is where Khadijah becomes relevant. Not as a proven romantic rival, because I cannot verify 100% those rumors, but as a possible point of social comparison. Khadijah and Papoose are both publicly listed as Win Records artists, while Clarissa is listed as a Win athlete. An older lyric attributed to Khadijah about wanting to be the Remy to her man, Papoose, has also circulated, which y'all already know. That lyric is publicly referenced, and you cannot tell me that this does not bother Clarissa. Now that it's confirmed that Khadijah is pregnant.

[00:12:30]Khadijah, more than likely because of who she's pregnant by, allegedly, there's going to be a marriage on the way. I'm quite certain that these parents are referring to each other as hubby, wifey, and all of this kind of stuff. And when I think about Khadijah, or I look at her pictures and observe her energy, this is a woman that is completely tapped into her sexuality. She's very confident, she's very fun, she is very, you know, kind of like easily fitting into those spaces that Clarissa kind of struggles to look normal in. So, again, with this engagement that she possibly has and the pregnancy, imagine how that might operate inside a competitive psychological environment.

[00:13:20]Meanwhile, you got to look at it like this. Clarissa's been with Pap longer.

[00:13:24]She's publicly discussed having his baby, publicly elevated Tam to husband, and they're not even engaged, according to Papoose. And he never gave her a ring. That contrast between her and Khadijah could trigger what psychologists call an upward social comparison. That's when we compare ourselves to someone who appears to possess something that we want. It could be beauty, femininity, commitment, marriage, motherhood, confidence, or public validation. And we know we can check every single one of those boxes based on what this woman has publicly said and displayed on her own. The comparison can inspire a secure person, but in someone already struggling with their identity or validation, it can produce an urgency, which is why sometimes, in my opinion, she appears very manic, very panic, almost wildly trying to validate herself and her relationship. If she is getting married, she being Khadijah, Clarissa will be like, "Well, what does that say about me? If Khadijah's relationship is progressing faster, am I being left behind? If she is visibly feminine and desired, do I need to perform femininity differently? If she gets the baby, the ring, and the title first, did Khadijah win? That doesn't prove Clarissa is consciously copying Khadijah. We cannot know her internal motivation from social media, but if you document repeated similarities and captions, baby styling poses, I'm telling you, if you go through Khadijah's social media, you will see where Clarissa has been channeling her, just like in my last video where Clarissa talked about channeling the other qualities from other female boxers. Again, drawing inspiration from other women is not a problem. The concern starts when admiration becomes substitution. When you don't even build your own identity, but you assemble one from pieces of other women, that's where you start to go off the deep end. Now, let's talk about Papoose, cuz like, for real, why would he allow this? He's raising children, which I don't mean to call Chanel or his other adult children children, but I'm a little bit older than Pap and I have children older than his and they're always children to us, if you understand what I'm saying. There is no way he can be watching his daughter do what Clarissa is doing and sit comfortably if he gives a damn about her. But, why would a man allow a woman to publicly call him her husband when he has publicly said they are not engaged?

[00:16:05]Can y'all please tell me? Now, we cannot, you know, just absolutely know his intentions. There may be private conversations the public has never heard. Clarissa may be using husband affectionately and he may not consider it serious enough to correct every time, but I know that negro knows what it what it's giving, okay? But, there is also another possibility and that is called strategic ambiguity. Strategic ambiguity occurs when a person keeps a relationship undefined because the uncertainty benefits them and we know that that's been what it appears he's been doing this whole time, which is why she was in a quote-unquote private relationship, which is why she was begging in his text messages to be acknowledged, to for him to fall asleep on the phone with her and stuff like that. This is all about that strategy. He can receive the loyalty, promotion, admiration, protection, and emotional labor associated with being treated like a husband without making the commitments required of one. Are you picking up what I'm putting down, okay?

[00:17:16]She gets to advertise certainty. He gets to retain flexibility. You know, get another ho, okay? And when someone benefits from your misunderstanding, they may not feel particularly motivated to correct it. I want women to hear this clearly. A man does not have to lie to mislead you. Sometimes he only has to let you keep telling yourself the story that benefits him. Calling you my queen, honey, is cute. It may even be beautiful, but queen has no mutually agreed upon definition. A queen could be a girlfriend, a fiance, a wife, a muse, a business partner, or simply a woman he enjoys having around. It sounds elevated while remaining conveniently [clears throat] undefined. But wife?

[00:18:09]Wife is very specific.

[00:18:11]Engaged is very specific. We're building towards marriage. That is specific. And when a man becomes specific only to tell the public what you are not. Okay?

[00:18:25]Because he specifically said, "They are not this." right? You got to pay attention, muffin.

[00:18:32]So, my theory, and I'm clearly clearly identifying this as a theory, is that Papoose may be allowing Clarissa to over-invest publicly so that if the relationship eventually ends, the public is going to blame her behavior instead of examining what the [ __ ] he's doing. And I can't say that this is his plan, but it's true that the public over-performance can create an exit advantage for the quieter partner. This is what we saw with Derrick Jackson and his wife as well.

[00:19:07]Now, Derrick Jackson cheating on his wife was trash, But, baby, the more you examine her behavior, the more she crashes out and the weird stuff that she was doing, the more people start to kind of forgive him and be like, "Yeah, I kind of see why he did it." Right? If she calls him, and this is she, Clarissa, calling Papoose's husband, right?

[00:19:31]Calling him husband, arguing with critics, trying to battle Remy, promoting him, you know, and promoting his business, adopting his and Remy's language, building her future around him while he remains, you know, measured and and calm about it, then a breakup can be narrated like she became too much, she embarrassed me, she embarrassed herself, she was moving too fast, because we all saw it coming. Meanwhile, the person who accepted the benefits of that devotion can walk away looking calm and reasonable. He's never going to look as bad as her. That doesn't prove manipulation, but it does demonstrate the danger of unequal public investment.

[00:20:16]Stop claiming men that's not claiming you. They got to claim you first. That's just the way it goes. It's safer that way. Never perform enough commitment for two people. That's just dumb.

[00:20:31]If you must supply his title, his promises, his certainty, and his enthusiasm surrounding your relationship, you are not documenting that relationship, you are producing it.

[00:20:42]This is literally a production that we're watching.

[00:20:45]>> [music] >> Now, my final point is not limited to Clarissa Shields. Ladies, do not publicly promote yourself into a position that a man has not privately and publicly agreed to give you.

[00:21:00]Because, look, men can say whatever they want to say privately, but it better be a public declaration and public energy to match. Do not call ambiguity alignment. Do not convert potential into a freaking promise, or you're just going to be left held in the bag, honey. Don't let somebody have an acute nickname fool you into believing that you have received a commitment, and don't compete with another woman so intensely that you overlook the man standing comfortably in the middle benefiting from that competition. Because the real flex is not convincing the internet that he is your husband. That real flex is having a relationship in which nobody has to guess whether he chose you or not. We never guessed about him and Remy. It was apparent. You should never have to keep announcing a title louder than the man who supposedly gave it to you. Because if you are claiming wife while he is publicly clarifying that he is not engaged, you are not speaking something into existence. You may be speaking over the evidence, muffin. And that part, that's where manifestation ends and self-deception can begin. So, yeah. It It It's for me, it's a no-brainer. I hope you enjoyed this psychological breakdown. I hope that you can take something with you.

[00:22:23]Let me know if you're feeling what I'm saying or you get it at all. Share this video with any woman that you think may need to hear this. And I'll catch you on the next video. But look, if you like my commentary, please click like, comment, and subscribe. And if you don't like it, you can still comment.

[00:22:42]You can still subscribe. Because you're bound to return and find something that will entertain you or be of intellectual benefit.