Why being gay in the south is so hard

Added: 2026-05-31

[00:00:00]One of the worst places you can live as a gay man is in the deep south. My name is Alex and I grew up outside of Richmond, Virginia. I lived in Austin, Texas for a couple years, LA. And now I live in a small town in rural South Georgia.

[00:00:20]There is one traffic light here and today I'm going to talk about why it sucks and why I have to leave. But before I get into it, I'm going to talk about the few things that I do like. I'm an introvert and I love having my own space. People are also very friendly here. I'm surprised how easy it is to strike up a conversation. I feel like people love talking here. If you ask someone a question, they're never going to answer in one word. It's just never going to happen. They're going to throw out their life story and they're going to tell you every little detail about it.

[00:00:56]Um, I also think people are pretty blunt and honest here. I love honesty. So, that's been pretty amazing. I don't think they're as blunt as they would be in like New York City, but people are very strong when it comes to their beliefs about politics, religion, yada yada yada. People are not going to hold back what they truly feel and think about certain things here. Um, and I think the last good thing has been my testosterone.

[00:01:25]My testosterone has gone through the roof, dude. I have never felt hornier before. And I don't know what it is.

[00:01:34]Could be the food, could be the water.

[00:01:36]It could also be that everyone here is masculine. People love masculinity.

[00:01:42]People love the outdoors. People love fishing. People love hunting. People love doing anything outside, working on cars, whatever it is. People love the outdoors here. And I've definitely felt that.

[00:01:58]But that's kind of a con or leads me to my first con is that every gay dude here is so freaking masculine. If you get on the gay dating apps, the number one request people have is that you're masculine. That or you're going to be a super feminine fem. There's no in between. I'm a very European dude. I have a very European body. The first thing the guy told me when I met him in Atlanta was how skinny I was. He was so surprised about how skinny I was and thin. I was like, I look just like my photos, dude. Um, but it's kind of funny because every Sunday after church, I go over to this lady's house for lunch and she's been trying to fatten me up for like the last six months, but I'm It's not working. It's not working.

[00:02:54]I swear everyone here has like 10 pounds of muscle. Of course, there's like muscle dudes in LA, if they're like, you know, fitness models or models, whatever, you know, movie actors, but the average dude, the average European dude, they're thin. They're thin dudes just like me. And when I'm here, I always feel like people assume that I'm super feminine because of the way I look. People assume that I'm more of like submissive. I'm more of a bottom.

[00:03:28]and it just kind of put me in an awkward situation because I'm very in between and um when it comes to my masculinity, femininity, and it feels like there's just two extremes. And especially like the other dudes who are feminine, like they're straight up fem. And it's amazing. They're they're proud of their identity, but they're super feminine.

[00:03:49]They like fashion. They like, you know, doing their makeup. They like doing their hair. um and they identify as a fem and they have that high pitch voice or they're trans or a crossdresser. Um it's very black or white. You're either very masculine or you're feminine transcrossdresser kind of person which is fine but there's like no in between. So I feel like I really don't fit in. Which leads me to my next con is there's just like no gay people around.

[00:04:24]I've met one gay person so far and that's been it. A few others, but for the most part, like there there just aren't a lot of gay people. And if they are gay, you have no idea. Um there's zero clues. They blend in with everyone, which is crazy. They have all kinds of like normal jobs like mechanic, uh manager, grocery store, you know, etc., etc. They don't have a very like, you know, gay job, which makes it really hard to find the gay people. And a lot of the men like that I play pickle ball with a very, very gay sport. They all have wives. They have kids. And I'm not talking about like the 50-year-olds or 60-year-olds who have grandkids, too.

[00:05:08]I'm talking about the 20 year olds.

[00:05:10]There are a couple 20-year-olds that already are married and have kids.

[00:05:15]There are married men, straight men with wives who are like 26, 28, 29.

[00:05:22]And as much as I want to be their friend and hang out with them, we're probably just never going to hang out because we don't see eye to eye.

[00:05:31]I watch like the Super Bowl. I watch a few football games. I watch a few baseball games, but I'm not super I'm not super into those things. I like software. I like building stuff. I like technology.

[00:05:41]I like, you know, fun things like that.

[00:05:44]and we're just not going to see eye to eye. So, it makes it really hard to have friends and to hang out with anyone.

[00:05:52]And if you're a little different, people are going to judge you. People do not like change here. People love doing the same old same old. Even if it's like a 100% better way of doing something, they will not do it because they like same old same old. They don't like anything outside of Georgia. Anything outside of the small town in South Georgia, they do not like. They don't feel comfortable.

[00:06:19]And if you're different, if you're gay, if you're queer, if you're LGBT, if you're neurodeivergent, you're ADHD, whatever, people are going to look at you like you're different.

[00:06:34]And um even if you have the most amazing thing ever and you're a good person, people are going to look at you like you're not.

[00:06:42]And um that kind of leads me into the next con is people there's so much just like it's very black and white here.

[00:06:54]And I love black people. My first girlfriend in middle school that I took to the middle school dance was a black girl named Charlies. I love black people. I still love black people. I think they're so funny and amazing and attractive.

[00:07:10]And when you go into a small town in the south, it looks very segregated.

[00:07:18]There's the black side of the town.

[00:07:20]There's the white side of the town.

[00:07:22]There are the black businesses. There are the white businesses. When I go to church, everyone's white except one black family. And that woman is suffering, I don't even want to go into it, with cancer and brings all her kids.

[00:07:38]And I'm so thankful that we're able to help her. But, you know, that's the only black people I see.

[00:07:46]And there are black people at pickle ball and black people and other things, but it's very black or white. There's no Asian. There's no diversity.

[00:07:55]The only Asian people are the ones that work at the Asian restaurant.

[00:08:01]And uh for someone that loves matcha, it's it's not the most inclusive or diverse environment. There's a few Mexicans.

[00:08:11]When you go to the grocery store in the international aisle, there's a bunch of tostadas and corn tortillas and Mexican spices, but that's about it.

[00:08:21]Next thing I really don't like is the politics. The politics get very old.

[00:08:27]People are unapologetically MAGA here and they will let you know that even though everything that happened and that is happening in our country, people are MAGA and they are not going to change and they're going to tell you that they are never going to change. It doesn't matter what the president does, they're going to vote Republican.

[00:08:48]And I could understand choosing Trump over Camala, but everything that has happened, it just feels like it's starting to have a negative impact on my mental health. I can feel something happening in my brain. I'm losing creativity. I am losing brain cells. And I'm starting to feel bad for people that are like that because they will not change. They will not even talk about another opinion or even think about having another option. It's just not not a thing. So that gets very old, which leads me to my next point is they really hate trans people.

[00:09:28]I went to church. I go to church every Sunday and I also sometimes go to the Bible study. And in the Bible study, the the pastor talks for like 10 minutes about trans people and how trans people have identity problems and masculinity problems and PTSD and environmental problems and how they're confused how they don't have Jesus and if they had Jesus then they want to be trans.

[00:09:55]And it's like, dude, I have never felt because I've never really been into politics, but I've never felt so strongly about this. And this is probably the one good thing that has come out of all the bad things is that protect the dolls. Protect trans people.

[00:10:12]What the [ __ ] do you want them to do?

[00:10:14]What do you want them to do about it?

[00:10:15]This has been such a complex hundreds of year problem, psychological, physical, developmental, physiological.

[00:10:24]There are so many factors. It's so complex. What do you want them to do about it?

[00:10:31]Also, why are you not worrying about all the problems in your life? What about your divorce?

[00:10:38]What about all the hatred and hateful things that you say and do? What about all the gossip? What about all the lust?

[00:10:46]What about all the things that you don't do as a Christian? And what's crazier is I've seen zero trans people and I have been here almost a year. There are no trans people here. It's like one in every 10,000.

[00:11:02]I'm promise you trans people are not an issue here in South Georgia.

[00:11:08]So yeah, I I just can't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore. I'm done with it.

[00:11:15]And um the last thing I'll just talk about real quick is just the poverty. I have never seen I'm an empath and every time I drive anywhere I see people on the side of the road and it's like the saddest thing ever because you know there's just zero opportunities here at least in LA and in big cities there's so many work opportunities. You can literally sit around all day do background acting and you make $200 or $300 after taxes and you're fed lunch, breakfast and dinner and you just sit around. Half the time you're not even on set. You're just in holding sitting there. And you can be homeless. If you look homeless, they're going to be like immediately interested in working with you because they need people that look homeless.

[00:12:00]They really do. And then all the homeless people, they have so many opportunities, so many ways to get back on their feet. They have so many things.

[00:12:07]And of course, there's plenty of homeless people in LA. You can't go anywhere, especially in downtown.

[00:12:11]They're like skid. Hell no.

[00:12:15]But at least they have so many ways of getting free money, free so many California opportunities that, you know, they they're, you know, and the weather is so nice and beautiful. Like it it's it's it's not the worst thing in the world, dude. Like here, it's just it's so sad. They have no opportunities. When you go to the post office and you see the salary, they're hiring for like 32,000 a year or 40,000 a year. And groceries here are more expensive than they are in LA because there's like no competition here. There's one grocery store here. It's like a little communist city. Everyone works for the government.

[00:12:52]Everyone's military.

[00:12:55]Everyone works for some part of like a school or the government. Literally everyone or there's like one big company here and that's it. There's no other jobs. It's the most communist craziest thing. But of course, no one sees it like that because as soon as they think about a big city, they're like, "Oh, they're socialist. They're communist." And it's like, well, at least in LA there's competition and my groceries were nowhere near as expensive.

[00:13:23]So, yeah, I just wanted to make a video.

[00:13:27]I'm going to be moving soon hopefully.

[00:13:30]My goal, I got my portfolio site together. I have two projects on it. I'm working on a third one. And then I'm going to apply to as many possible jobs as possible.

[00:13:41]I'm sick and tired of being poor. It's awful. I need an income. And the next thing is I want to tell my parents that I'm gay. And I'm going to let them know that. But the first thing first is I need a job. I need an income. And then I think I want to try St. Petersburg, Florida. Maybe Tampa. Tampa's a little more affordable. If I could get a shack, one or two bedroom, I'd be through the moon, through the roof happy. Maybe somewhere in Broward County near Fort Lauderdale, somewhere outside of a big city where it's not as expensive, but I still can, you know, drive and meet some gay people. Yeah, it sounds like a good life. I have a rare skin condition called echiosis vulggeras. So I have to find somewhere hot and humid.

[00:14:32]I'm thinking about south car South California again. Um or if I can get a remote job. I would love to live in like the Canary Islands somewhere in Spain.

[00:14:43]Somewhere in Hawaii would be a dream for my health. Um maybe San Francisco. It just gets cold there. So yeah, hope you guys enjoyed it.

[00:14:54]Peace.