Excessive screen addiction, particularly through video games and social media, can cause significant psychological harm to children, including brain damage comparable to drug addiction, disrupted attention spans, memory impairment, and social isolation. The dopamine-driven nature of screens rewires children's brains, making them unable to study effectively or maintain focus. Parents must establish clear boundaries, monitor screen time, and replace screen activities with physical and social interactions to protect their children's mental health and cognitive development.
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The Psychological Cost Of Screen AddictionAdded:
If you scold your child and your child is crying for 2 days, the child is sad.
There are parents who will get my appointment and say full depression doctor.
I ensure the first 10 minutes I explain to them psychiatrist. So you explain >> what is the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist? What do they do? What do I do? Dr. Dr. Serrananya Jaikimar doesn't just study children.
>> She helps protect them at scale.
>> Through her initiatives, she has educated thousands on safety, >> abuse prevention, >> and the realities children face in today's world. Games on the internet have a lot of sexual content, lot of violence, and parents don't even know about all of this. This app is telling, "Hey, Arun, how are you? Did you call your sister to play Roblox? No, she doesn't want to play. Oh, she doesn't deserve to be your sister."
>> Oh my god, >> it's not okay. You know what's the main symptom to note?
They don't want friends. They don't want school. They don't want to study. They have no goal in life. The brain scan images of a child that has played a video game continuously for 8 9 hours.
An adult who's used cocaine is the same.
This is not like treatment for drug addiction. Treatment for screen addiction is actually very easy. this podcast. I must say this is >> Before we dive in, can I be honest with you? It blows my mind that 63.1%age of you who listen regularly still have not subscribe to our channel. If you enjoy the podcast, the stories, the signs, maybe even laugh at our jokes. Could you do us a small favor? Hit that subscribe button. It takes only 2 seconds and helps us keep bringing you better guests and episodes every week. I'm truly blessed to have all your support and I'm sure you will support me in the journey.
Now let's get into today's episode.
A small small stress every day that adds up to this young tender brain of these kids and that is what is getting translated into emotional trauma, childhood trauma at a multiple levels.
>> Yeah. You know people the result says that as you know kids watching their parents having domestic abuse in the family.
>> Yeah.
>> They have some kind of an anxiety disorder increase risk as they grow up.
>> Yes.
>> Um so all this adds up that increasing the trauma level.
>> Yes.
As a child, if we are unhealed, >> if that unhealed child turns into an adult, >> I strongly believe that that feelings are getting translated somehow to the next generation because they don't know how to process their emotions to start with.
>> Yes.
>> As a child psychologist, your take on this? See they say most parents who were never given a chance to express themselves when they were children they end up being excessively nonunderstanding strict parents. That trauma is unconsciously going to the next generation especially when it comes to mothers and girls.
how my mother treated me when I was a child. I never spoke back. Somewhere consciously you tend to do that >> you know that you should not do that but it's going to the next generation because it's there inside and you never were given a chance to speak at all.
>> Yeah. See appreciation >> I I would say that is one example for me. I should say my see my parents were so um busy with their own problems and financial problems. You're >> a business family.
>> Business family raising us itself is a big task. Correct.
>> Yeah. One boy, one girl in the house. We have EMI in the EMI and EMI a house in business. It was very difficult for them.
>> When when my brother and I both of us were first rank holders whenever with the first rank report card we used to go to my father. He used to say that's all.
>> On the other hand, my neighbor there were four children in that family all all the time failing and then one day they will pass that auntie will give rasgula for the whole apartment. So sometimes you say you please take us and adopt us why it's happening to us only but we used to laugh over it. But you know what to an extent that even now when I look at super singer or some shows and I see a girl sing so well and parents come and hug that girl and appreciate automatically I can do anything today doctor but it's there inside me that I was not appreciated enough so I constantly craved for that appreciation. Yes, it helped me do larger things in life.
I studied I wanted to satisfy to make him happy to make him appreciate me it became 32 years that's a different story but it's there in me that I was not appreciated enough I don't know why that physical affection was not there in my house see now we say you know sometimes we hug >> just even holding hands and madi I did not come from a family that but this will it is this called trauma yes this is also a sort of trauma not just hitting and abuse and even these small things it's somewhere there it's somewhere hurting and >> even when I'm now 38 years old I'm trying to heal I'm trying to come out of it no >> I am not able to help myself out of it that is the amount of impact that is that it has on me >> yeah so sometimes maybe now I think if I had a counselor >> whom I spoke to about all this when I was a little girl, it would have gone.
>> So having a counselor as a little kid is is is not acceptable from a stigmatic standpoint, right?
>> What do you think?
No, I I wish I'm I'm saying that every adult my point is every adult needs therapist.
>> Yes.
>> Okay. That is because I deal with a lot of gut patients >> and gut problem starts with the brain.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Gut is the second brain.
>> Second brain. And then that so I always in in my numei program we have >> 10 psychologist >> because I strongly believe that only few then the gut cannot be solved.
>> But for the kid >> at what point of time that the parent should be okay so maybe this kid needs a support.
>> Okay that is a stigma that is there in Indian.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Even now there are see sometimes when >> I'm not sure how you are getting patients to be found.
>> What are you doing?
>> No because of the stigma.
>> No actually I should say doctor 12 years back when I you know few so many years back when I started work 15 years back when I started work they never used to come they look at me are you it's okay we can work this together. Yeah. And then they thought you I have to tell this here. You also look LIKE he also thinks that you see actually when when your patients see you in the mall or at the park or at the beach they say no hi he's our gut doctor and they introduce no for us they will not do like that >> will anybody say hey this is Dr. Sharashi is a psychologist. I have a mental problem. They will not say they will only so I also say hi this is my friend this is my student they will not it's still there in everywhere not just India even abroad >> it is there I have a lot of patients in Dubai so recently when I went they all came and met me they said we are going and meeting a friend >> I am not psychologist this time they don't have any mental health problem see that's a problem with us it's still a problem but I think this current teenage generation in their Netflix series >> these young girls go to a counselor to talk about friendship. So for them it's normal.
>> They are comfortable. They come to me.
>> The problem is with 21 years and above who don't understand this. So in every session I ensure the first 10 minutes I explain to them psychiatrist. So you explain >> what is the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?
What do they do? What do I do? How I can help you? You are not a psychiatric patient. Don't label you that. So I am here to make you understand that you have to be happy, healthy and you have to study well. That's all. And I will maintain confidentiality. I am not a channel to absorb information from you and throw to your mother. I am not your mother's ideal. Some parents do that doctor. They come and say they're not opening their mouth. Why don't you ask and tell me what do you think I am? No, that's not allowed. Yeah, we don't do that. We don't share all the information that I get from the child update to the mother. No, we don't do that. So now children understand >> but whether they understand or not, I take that first 5 10 minutes to explain why they are here, who I am, what I can do with them and that actually pulls them into a very good comfort zone.
Yeah. And by answering your question, by referrals, I get a lot of patience, by reviews, Google reviews, I get a lot of patients.
>> So, it's opening up.
>> Yeah, it is.
>> They're opening up. Yeah. Yeah, it is.
But let's say, but I should say I have one more problem at home only. They will put all their symptoms in chat GPD. They will come to me. They will sit and say, "Doctor, I think I have ADHD. Can you help me?"
>> The kids.
>> Yeah. So I say okay so to make them unlearn and then make them relearn is also one task for me. No the older patients even worse doctor they will come to me in the >> older is what time? What year?
>> 30s.
>> 30.
>> Okay.
>> But you are a child psychologist.
>> Yeah. Yeah. No no not necessarily. I'm an educational psychologist. I have marital cases that come to me. Yes. some senior citizens with screen addiction they also come to me. So these marital cases, the couple will come and she'll say, "I want to talk to you alone." And then the husband's waiting outside.
She'll say, "He has all traits of narcissism. He has narcissistic personality disorder and requires 16 sessions of CBT for this." Or do you try dialectic behavior therapy? Doctor, >> they're asking you.
>> Yeah. Where did you find all this ma chip? Uh >> see, don't go to the internet for your mental health issues. Please don't go. I don't say chargibility perplexity leave alone AI don't even go to Google please come to us not because I want to earn but at least I will be able to help you properly because there is a wrong of wrong there's a lot of wrong diagnosis that's happening they simply think see sad is different depression is different >> sad is a symptom of depression isn't it if you scold your child and your child is crying for two days the child is sad there are parents who will get my appointment and full depression doctor depression take lot of time yeah it takes a lot of time so it's now become fancy to use such words we could not explain our terms to anybody nobody was ready to accept what is depression what is anxiety today to say don't use these words is a task for us every single person we have stress every single person has depression every single person has anxiety, OCD. Anybody uses this word unnecessarily, I'm going to bring on cricket bat only and beat everybody. Don't see there is there's there are men who say my my wife is always cleaning the house full OCD cleaning the house now not OCD ma why you're thinking like that so it's now become a fashion to use psychological disorders as terms in your everyday life >> you understand say one or two words no that's not okay for in my profession that is a big challenge today to make them unlearn for me to convince them that they don't have OCD is taking one half an hour. What a waste of time.
>> Why should you go to the internet and see there are >> but but but how are the kids coming to you? They're coming to you by themselves or the parents or >> it now I should say 50/50.
>> Is it right?
>> Yes. Now I I should say it's 50/50. They have problems with their friends. They see me on the internet and they say we want to go and talk with her. Can you take us because nobody will understand us. She will understand us. M >> so lot of children are coming like that >> but as a parent when should we say okay so I think he needs therapy or >> if he's asking for it please take him >> no but if he's not asking how do we >> so what are the symptoms you have to correct >> one thing if this child has suddenly lost interest in something >> was liking music >> but now suddenly does not like music >> used to study well suddenly you know academic decline and then not sleeping ing properly.
>> Losing all friends in a month and isolating, refusing to go to school, school refusal, >> isolating inside a room, social isolation. And then they say, I don't want to see these friends who come home.
Why these people are coming home on a Sunday? I have only one Sunday to sit and watch TV. So basically isolating from everybody, not talking enough, not eating properly at all for a long time. See sometimes bullying leads to eating disorders.
>> That's something that we cannot ignore at all.
>> So these signs we cannot ignore in a child. We have to keep looking for these signs. Main problems arrive when parents ignore these signs for a long time.
>> They think it's normal.
They bring to me when the child is 13 14 year old and when I ask them for how long is the child behaving like this they say five years what have been what have you been doing for 5 years then they say no we thought it'll be okay no please don't think it'll be okay it's not going to cost you much please take the child to a counselor to find out what is happening to this child does this child need help because 100% of the mental health issues is very easy to handle just like any other physical problem medical issue at the earliest stage.
>> If it's early for us also work is less >> the child will also heal faster. If it is beyond one limit, no it's not possible doctor. Some cases, no some personality problems like the borderline personality disorder in teenage children we have seen very difficult to treat.
>> Very difficult to treat.
>> So the earlier the better.
>> Yeah. Many psychiatrists will not take this case.
>> They'll say please go for dialectic behavior therapy. But for that therapist itself will take 45 sessions, 50 sessions. It's not very easy because it's there in the child for a long time.
suspicion uh not uh making friends and letting go of friends and finding fault with everybody fighting with everybody these these are symptoms that parents have been ignoring for a long time in life >> that's why I said don't ignore symptoms don't think this age it'll be okay in the age it used to be like that when they were living in joint families and when they had 15 friends in the apartment all playing together happily yeah they will grow over it.
>> But now that is not the setup. They're diverting their dopamine requirement into screen >> screen >> that is messing up their dopamine circuit. They don't even know what is required. What is making them happy?
They don't know. All that they know is this this this scrolling continuously the reels that I'm watching is making me happy. M >> there are children I know who do not have bath for 3 4 days together watching the res continuously watching reals small little children playing video games Roblox Dianaroma watching Dianoma watching Bluey see these things are highly addictive I have most of my very young patients are children that watch these uh videos and uh play roadblocks >> they are not in social media see 7 years 8 years old, 6 years old. They are not in social media, but they are highly affected by these video games. Doctor, we must understand >> what is happening with Roblox.
>> See, Roblox is a game that is not predefined alone. It anybody can go into the game, even adults, and create another new game that can be sexually wrong, age inappropriate for the child.
Beyond all of that, there are adults communicating with small children inside this app. I will give you one example.
>> Oh my god.
>> There is a family that came to me, little boy, little girl. His younger sister and the mother. The younger sister does not play Roblox. This boy is playing Roblox. So this boy, I'm talking to this boy to find out what this game is doing to him. So he says, I go, I'm trying to find companion to play this game. So when he enters, Roblox chats with the child. Yeah, the the the app says, "Hey, Arun, how are you? Are you fine?" "Yes, I am good. Isn't it boring to play this game alone? Where is your sister?" So, he says, "No, she's not interested to play. Can you ask her to play this tomorrow?" And then the next day, he tries asking the sister to play.
Sister says, "No, Ama titanga. Amma will scold me. I will not play this." The next day when he's playing Roblox, this app is telling, "Hey, Arun, how are you?
Did you call your sister to play Roblox?
No, she doesn't want to play. Oh, she doesn't deserve to be your sister.
>> Oh my god.
>> It's not okay.
>> Oh my god.
>> How is it affecting the child's understanding about his family, family members, his cognitions are distorted by this game? And this game is highly addictive. I will take all necessary action to block this game. in India >> because the number of cases that comes to me by playing Roblox and these are not just young children even 16 17 year olds are highly addicted to Roblox and we say Mm RPG massive multiplayer online role- playinging games like PUBG like Free Fire these games recently I should say doctor in the last five months girls and boys I've seen many cases where the parents come and say If we take the phone from her, she's taking the knife and wanting to stab us. And this is mostly in children who pray free fire because in that game that character is holding a knife and with that knife that character is gaining control. So inside the child's head to gain control to make others do what you want to do, take a knife is what is getting registered in the child's head.
It won't take long time for this child to stab. And it's already happened in a case in Kerala. A child that was playing Free Fire.
All these people here are playing.
>> I don't even know all this. All these are small games.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh my god.
>> Massive multiplayer online role playing games. There was this child in Kerala.
He was playing u this free fire and then in that game he was playing a character that had a knife.
The power is out in the phone. Okay, charge is down. Generally, what do we do? We'll go and put the phone in charge. No, you know what this child did? Went and kept the phone in the dining table. Took the knife from the dining table and straight went and stabbed the mother. Single mother, no father. She is working to pay for his fees and take taking care of him. He stabbed her. She died. Then he was taken to, you know, taken under custody. I had a chance to meet this child because at that time I was in the commission helping children. So when I met this child, this child is crying. By the time he realized that he's not in the game anymore, the mother is no more. They cannot differentiate between real life and real life. Video games are doing this to their brain. If there are children who say my you know I don't play video games at all. I am very happy, very very happy. There is nothing that they will learn from such games.
You know games that have violence that have excessive sexual content. Many parents think my par my child is only playing one shooting game. Ma they'll say do you know that this ch this this game character is molesting women in that game and this child that is playing the game is 8 years old. Doctor imagine how much this child is exposed to. We are talking about YouTube videos, internet, the games, games on the internet have a lot of sexual content, >> lot of violence and parents don't even know about all of this. And then you know what's the main symptom to note?
Even when they don't play games, when asked to watch something on TV, they will go on to watch videos of others playing the same game.
>> It is happening in many families. They don't like to watch a movie or a Netflix series or you know a cartoon they won't like. They will want to watch videos of the same game being played by another player that's recorded and put very very bad. This these are all very bad symptoms. This child will completely socially isolate.
>> They don't want friends. They don't want uh school. They don't want to study.
They have no goal in life. And I should say the brain scan images of a child that has played a video game continuously for 8 n hours and the brain scan image of an adult who's used cocaine is the same. You see the amount of brain damage that can happen in this child. They will behave like a drug addict.
>> Wow.
>> I have seen cases in there was a mother who came with one big bandage on the head. She said, "Yeah, they came with a bandage." And this girl is sitting. She says, "They are not letting me play.
Just ask my mother to let me play."
>> How old 13 14?
>> No. 11 >> 11.
See, in my experience, doctor, before CO, I did not see these cases.
after co the involvement of these devices in lives of children is so much more and on the time that they've given it to the children now they're not able to take it back >> they don't know how to reduce that screen time but people who are seeing the this podcast I must say >> this is not like treatment for drug addiction treatment for screen addiction is actually very easy follow a routine be consistent for 66 continuous days on The 66 days are only difficult.
>> How do you replace the dopamine that this video game or this cartoon gives the child? You replace it with physical activities. You know what mistake the parents do?
>> Ma, don't see the phone. Ma, do yoga.
Don't see the phone. Do mathematics. No, this is not giving them dopamine. No.
>> So, you always replace with another dopamine activity. Go and dance. Go and play football. Let's go. Let's have pillow fight. M >> see all this is that is how you replace.
So when you stop or reduce screen time you replace with such exciting activities and uh see one more important thing doctor you are a doctor. No you studied well.
>> Yeah I think so.
>> Yeah you studied well. Did you study every day when you returned from school? Uh >> study as in sit and study or did you study only during exams?
>> Every day.
>> You used to study every day and you used to get good marks.
>> Your friends?
>> My friends thought that I was a nerd.
>> Did they study every day?
>> They Yeah.
>> What sort of a school did you go to?
Seriously, every day everybody is studying.
Something is abnormally wrong with that school children. No doctor, I don't think you realized friends don't study every day.
Okay? You only study abnormal Dr. Pal studied every day. Okay? Friends don't study every day. So I'm sure you had friends who didn't who didn't study every day but in the last minute they will go to the you know the exam time they will study last I I yeah I study they'll study last minute and they will go and pass the exam >> correct >> but this generation is not able to do that >> studying in the last minute they're just not able to remember anything I'm I am 100% sure nobody will disagree with me here this generation has a lot of Children who are preparing few days before exam but when they go to the exam hall they are just not able to remember and recall what they studied. This is because of heavy screen usage on an everyday basis that is actually affected their attention span and their memory.
So in the last minute studies is not working. And what is happening with the tata and the father in the house? Yeah, I also didn't study every day. D it's okay. You play, you watch. I used to play football. You are watching TV or you are playing on the phone. That's all. During the exam, you study and go to the exam and pass. They will not pass.
>> That and this is not the same. They have to understand. That is why many children are failing these days. Results are going down. Exams have become easier.
Even in Tamil Nadu, the 10th and 12th exam used to be so difficult at one point in time. Now it's become very very easy. Even then there are so many students who don't even go and attend the exam. They're scared that they will fail.
>> They because they know that they will not remember. So screen time is definitely affecting their mental health to an extreme extent. But parents are becoming highly ignorant. That is my problem. They think it's a pride to get the best phone available in the market.
One big dosa phone I will get for my son for his birthday. So I'm a good father.
>> No. If you're not able to buy, if you don't have the money to buy, you are the best father in the world. Do it's okay.
Let them go and play. Psychology says there are 12 different types of play.
Observational play, parallel play, you know, so many other different competitive play, creative play, learning play, so many different role play, rough play. You see, so many different types of play. The 12th type of play is only electronic play. But today's children 80% of the time they're doing that electronic play only.
>> And parents in the US they blame the weather. They say how doctor it's very cold out. Cold outside is okay but inside let them play some board games.
>> Let them play some other type of games.
Not this device.
>> So you limit the time. It's okay to have time limits for screen time and their study time should be there every day because screen time is there every day.
>> But then study time should also be there because it's not like the previous generation.
>> That is why they are having problems with learning. I don't like to study. I don't like to go to school. All these issues are coming in Tamil Nadu. I should say increased number of uh children who don't want to school go to school.
School refusal issues. They don't want to come to the clinic also >> metropolitan cities >> everywhere doctor yeah yeah yeah every small villages >> small villages >> see there are two things we say school refusal school truency I don't want to go to school at all school refusal >> I in I will go but I will not go to school I will go run away to some football ground and play I will cut class I'll bunk class mass bunk all this is school truency >> previous generation had school truency >> truency correct But this generation has refusal. They don't want to step out of the house. Comfort of sofa, comfort of um homemade lunch and the device in the hand. When when they they bring to me and they say child is not going to school and when they ask school 8 months.
>> 8 months.
>> Wow.
>> What were you doing for 8 months?
It is again difficult for me to get this child back but we can do. So sometimes I I don't know if other psychologists do this. I am one of the most successful in the market. I have I I know cases where I have taken the parents devices and I say goal kandi you cannot control giving the device to your child. No I have confiscated it. Come back after 15 days.
I'll put it in my locker. I have a locker in my clinic. I'm more teacher material less doctor material. So I will put it and the child does not say anything because I am the pandino. No, right.
>> Yeah. I don't I am the bad guy. It's okay.
>> I'm absolutely fine with that. As long as the child is uh you know healing and becoming normal, that is exactly what I want. And younger children, it's very easy for me to handle. We handle with deterrence only.
>> You cannot do this. This is what will happen to you. If you do this, I will come in search of you.
>> I am watching >> all of this. We say we see sometimes there are other doctors who say no you have to speak to the child to make the child understand they are not bothered doctor they their brain just does not work like that you know there are this I'm telling you know I always have a problem with these modern parenting experts who talk about if your child is throwing tantrums >> please go and sit and talk to your child to say what are you feeling today ma Huh?
Please understand. Yes, you have to talk to the child to understand. But if the child does not even know what is happening to him and he just wants another five lollipops, what will you do? You only have to say no. Sorry.
>> These Europeans do it very well.
>> They do it very well. When they say no and they walk away, the child will scream and roll on the road. They're just not bothered.
>> Yeah. Sometimes I'm the grandmother will come running. your power ma son is crying ma why are you letting him cry ma let the parents parent the child >> right >> and this I have to say doctor in many families grandmother grandfather trying to behave like parents >> not okay >> let the parents be parents because again there is a mixup in the child's obedience hierarchy what is the social hierarchy in the child's brain who should the child listen to >> there is a confusion then the child will again stop respecting the mother and the father why I'm telling this here is when you're imposing such ground rules at home it's very important that you set the social hierarchy in the family correct >> you have to know who is first who is next >> you understand that's important no chum mother will come and say rule and then grandfather will come and say hey your mother does not know anything d you Listen to me.
>> Child is again confused. So in such situations you cannot impose rules. You cannot set ground rules at home. It's going to be very difficult for you to parent this child with the amount of distractions that's available today. And how much these distractions are teaching these children. How much of violence is that? We are thinking we are thinking Vijay parapata update child is becoming violent.
>> That is a very small fraction. Major violence is coming from their video games only. M >> I recently went to a birthday party doctor >> small children okay all 3 4 5 years old children there's there is bubbles there's caricature there's cake return gifts whatn not at the age of 38 this is exciting me I'm going drawing myself blowing all those bubbles making a sword out of balloon and playing with these children these little kids they're playing around for some time maybe 30 minutes and after 30 minutes they come back to their mother Phone, phone, phone, phone, phone. If such beautiful lovely things are not going to interest you in this age, your family life will not interest you at the age of 23.
>> Girlfriend is not going to be interesting. Wife is not going to be interesting. Raising children not going to be interesting. What are we teaching the children?
>> What is interesting? Only that that fake thing that they see in the screen only that is interesting.
It's happening in India.
>> Yes. Yes. Very much. Very much everywhere. And and you know parents are also normalizing. That's only my problem. They are constantly telling these days without the devices. You cannot raise children at all. Ma I have raised my daughters till the age of 14.
No devices. Only Sunday one movie or some Netflix series I let them watch for 2 hours. That's the only thing I permitted. And I don't live in an apartment. I have dogs in my house. They play with the dogs. I don't have too many relatives in India. So not many, you know, not many people know my Yeah, I don't.
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>> No, I should say I'm raising my kids in an independent house and they are able to sort out what they have to do in life because there are so many things that they can do. I told you so many different types of play. You see the amount of craft material available online. They can bake. They can try some salads. They can you know do some painting artwork.
>> Well, social interaction with the other kids.
>> Yeah. There there's a sibling. No, >> sibling is good enough.
>> Yeah. Yeah. They have their social time in school. What are they doing in school? They're meeting friends in school, isn't it?
>> So that's enough.
>> Yeah, that's absolutely okay. See, if you don't have, what else do you do, doctor? See I can plan playdates and all of that once in a way. Yeah. But that cannot be an everyday thing.
>> This is how this child has to grow but I I ensure that they have different types of play in their life. Not just electronic play. Electronic play. I introduce a panel because I'm on I don't know how you are at home. But at at home I have not introduced electronic play at all. And my daughter now she's 14.
>> She has other friends who play video games. She says I can see they're not okay. Good thing you didn't introduce this to me.
>> Seriously?
>> Yes.
>> At 14, she's able to >> because she's able to see that she's able to remember what she's studying for the exam. She's able to see that she's able to make wiser decisions. These people are not okay because constantly she says, "Mama, when I went to this friend's house, everybody is playing Kum. She is sitting and playing on Roblox continuously for 6 hours. We've played Kum. We have watched a movie.
We've gone down to play football. We come back and see and she's again playing Roblox only. So that child understands that this is abnormal.
>> You understand? Only to that extent.
It's a little difficult doctor. I don't say it's very easy. I won't say that.
The pure pressure is definitely there.
There was a point when my do my my daughter said everybody's playing Mark.
Can I please try? I said no they will play because their parents allow it. I will not allow because I don't like it.
I am the mother. I decide I will not let you play. Now they're 14. I let them play Ludo and these board games on the iPad. That's okay. But they don't have that interest to play any of these violent games at all and they say how can they play such games? It's irritating my head.
>> So if you ask me if it's possible by experience, I will say it is possible.
And not just me doctor, many of my friends are like this. Many of my friends, we are one community that we we have raised our kids without video games, without excessive screen entertainment and that was possible because we try we we practiced this from a very young age.
>> Thank you.
>> So not watching TV while eating is a ground rule for everybody at home.
>> For me, my husband, my daughters, everybody, there is no TV in my dining hall.
>> It's not even there.
>> Yeah. So it's a habit. That's how we are raised and that's normal for them. Mhm.
>> So they don't try to you know do what others are doing after the age of 12.
They don't.
>> So the the the initial the strong years is between 7 to 12.
>> 7 to 14.
>> 7 to 14.
>> Yes. That's why I repeatedly say that 7 to 14 is so important. It is the parents consistency that's so important in this age. Have ground rules. Learn to say no to your child. The child should understand. Amma is pissed. She doesn't want me to do this. She's told me no. I will not do this. They have to learn to do this. See, doing everything that the child wants is not normal.
>> That's called friendly parenting.
>> We don't want that.
>> You become, you be a friendly parent, you will become my patient.
Very friendly, very very good. You be friendly, very very friendly. You come and become my patient later. Then only then you suddenly become enemy parent.
And then what you will do? Don't do that. You have see children have friends they need parents >> to discipline.
>> Yes.
>> To at least tell them what is right, what is wrong. I see disciplining is a very >> serious term no for this the age group also.
>> I should say at least to tell them what is right, what is wrong. There should be somebody at home >> and that needs to be parents. No, >> they have friends. They have friends to say whatever you're doing is correct. D.
We have friends who are saying that they need parents to say this is not okay.
This is not acceptable. You cannot do this. Why? That also you explained. So the difference between the previous generation and this generation is we were never told why.
>> You cannot go to a movie. You cannot go to a movie. Many days I've sat and thought what is happening in these movie theaters that my father is not allowing me to go. Why? But he's taking me and going. He is not letting me go with my friends. I never understood.
>> It took me long time to understand. Oh, people are doing unnecessary things in the theater. That's why my father is not allowing me. But I was not explained that. But this generation needs that explanation. That is the only difference.
>> If I would define friendly parenting, be a parent, but explain to your child why you're imposing these ground rules. That is only friendly parenting. Mhm.
>> That friendly your father and my father or your mother and my mother were never >> never yes >> we were never given a chance to talk we were never explained about what is happening in our life no choice no >> right >> come is come but now we can explain because these children need that explain >> for your marriage or >> doctor it' be funny if I said for my marriage my husband was my the only choice that I made the wedding decor sari jew jewelry nothing was my choice husband was my choice so they said shut up and stand everything else we'll take care of you imagine girls today they'll do a >> from photographer to how the photography should look until that everything they only decide no so they have a voice I'm happy that this generation have a voice we didn't have that voice but >> that voice should be correct they should be taught what is right what is wrong as I The frontal cortex development is very slow for boys. It takes up to 21 years for them for know for them to make right decisions in life. For girls it's faster. 18 years they can actually manage to decide. That's why many girls when they'll break up they this boy is okay not okay I don't want this boy but this boy sit and cry. What happened to my life ma? Why you left and went? Huh?
21 years he will then only realized oh this is what happened in my life. Yeah.
So that way imagine even 18 19 is like that. Imagine their life at 15. They don't know what is right, what is wrong.
We can't just let them do everything in life. Especially when they have a device in their hand.
>> There are so many parents who ask me shouldn't I trust my child?
Should you know shouldn't I give privacy >> right privacy to my child? Isn't it important? I said yeah it's important no doubt but don't trust their age don't trust the internet >> what is the internet giving them what is the internet taking from them don't trust that please monitor that blindly giving a device and you know it's not difficult if you started from day one >> when your child comes and nags you at 14 years and says apa please phone phone you say I will give you a phone but I will monitor Every week I will monitor. I will look at your screen time every week. If your screen time exceeds 45 minutes or 1 hour, I'm going to take this phone away from you. If you make it a habit from day one, then it's not going to matter.
The problem is you give all the freedom >> and when they taste that freedom, they don't want to come out of that. No.
>> So what is the right time to give phone to kids?
>> See, depends on the child. M >> there is no I cannot say commonly 14 years for all children know some children they understand the problems in the internet how to handle messages how to you know be safe on the internet for such smart children yes you can introduce when they're 14 15 not a problem but keep them away from social media >> yeah but other things they can because they know how to handle it but there are other children even at the age of 17 they want this this phone just to make mistakes, just to have that freedom and just to try new things in life. What is it? I just want to try it. So, I'm taking this phone. Those children know. So, it depends on each child and how you brought up and how >> and the parent can make the decision.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> It's up to the parent. It's See, I cannot see. I can give my child a phone when she's 14, but I cannot ask my friend to give her child a phone when she's 14 because she doesn't understand much >> because I am constantly talking to my daughter about XY Z all the time because this is my my work.
>> She's she knows more content than me.
>> She's like, "Mama, I know what you're going to say now." Yeah. So, so that way it's okay. But otherwise if the child does not understand how to handle blackmail for example >> doctor >> what will you do? I'll tell you one example very interesting. I went to a school generally when I go to see I I talked to children about how to be safe on the internet perpetrators on the internet who could approach them.
>> So when I went to a school I said okay listen girls you're there on >> WhatsApp on Instagram and all that you have pictures. Imagine there is a boy who's your friend on the internet for a long time, takes your picture, attaches it to a naked body and sends it back to you. What will you do was my question.
Some girl said we'll block. Some girl said we'll tell my parents. Some girl said we'll tell the police.
>> One girl I can never forget in my life.
She said I will take his picture. I will attach his face to a naked man's body and I will send it back to him. Then all the girls laughed and clapped and said, "Wow, what a bold answer." This level of boldness we do not appreciate.
>> This is wrong.
>> Yeah. Telling I will go to the police directly is also a wrong answer because they that time we will they will not have the guts to go to the police and all directly. Most of these perpetrators on the internet doctor their highest weapon strongest weapon is blackmail.
>> You is going to this market only. No, I'll finish her if you go and tell this to her.
>> And the child if the child is a bold child will try to protect itself and the mother >> will not go and tell the mother. This is the psychology behind all of these things that's happening on the internet.
If people who are watching this video, they think no all this will not happen in our houses.
>> Correct?
>> Please don't underestimate. It's happening in so many places >> in in India. Tamil Nadu where location?
>> Everywhere. I have in Dubai. I have patients from Dubai. Yeah.
>> Dubai is the safest city.
>> But the child is on the internet. How does it matter?
>> Seriously?
>> Yeah. Child is on Instagram. Damn. child is on Instagram and they have access all these perpetrators from the other countries they have access to this child the child's pictures they're chatting with her they are making her come out of the house meet them take more pictures and videos to blackmail more all of this has happened in Dubai I should say so if you think no no no I am in a very safe country where laws are protecting internet is worldwide if the perpetrator is sitting in a little village in Bihar.
What will you do?
>> It's not possible. No.
>> And it's only targeting girls.
>> No, also boys.
>> Boys as well.
>> Yeah. Yeah. So many boys are targeted.
There was one uh little app called some fish. I don't know. I forgot the name.
This gives little hand loans.
>> If you upload your Aadhaar card, it will give small hand loans 5,000 rupees, 4,000 rupees because these boys need that money to play Free Fire and PUBG and Roblox. they um you know they're adding some money to the game and playing this game. So mommy is not giving money. So these boys just upload their other card and they get this money and little and sometime later when the mother gives that money or they're able to make that money from somewhere they transfer it to an account.
>> These guys say you have not transferred yet. It's still pending pending pending.
There was a case where this boy transferred three times 5,000 5,000 5,000 15,000 transferred that app says still pending pending pending and then the app has access to all these photos and contacts of this child because he has pressed allow allow allow in the privacy.
>> Yeah. So this app has taken all the pictures and all the contacts. Now they will morph these pictures of this boy and it was sent to all his contacts.
So this boy was feeling so ashamed. He wanted to self harm. So we rescued that boy. It can happen to boys. It can happen to men. It can happen to women.
Dr. Myon, see I'm a child rights activist. Mhm.
>> I have helped so many families. I've earned a lot of people in my field. I have earned a lot of enemies also.
>> And to be a content person, a woman on social media is not easy at all. And with AI and all of that, >> I have faced so many people morphing my photos and posting it on unnecessary websites. I have faced my own interviews edited to have a wrong meaning to demean what I said to embarrass me to insult me and the comment section having vulgar comments just to insult me because I have you know I have a case on them which I'm handling very you know with a very firm hand and all of that and I'm I was a very very straightforward officer >> not easy to move so at this age if I am facing. Imagine these young girls easily targetable. They're very vulnerable, extremely vulnerable. And my age, I know how to handle it. I'm immune to all of that now. I just don't care.
>> Yeah. But imagine those girls.
>> They don't know how to handle. And many of times, they go and share this with another friend of that same age.
>> If it is scaring you, it'll scare your friend also. know >> your friend's advice may not be always correct. That's why we say always take the advice of a adult of an adult of a parent of a teacher somebody you like mama somebody in the family >> for that they have to be approachable no they should have conversations like this no that's where I'm coming to now only if such conversations are normalized in the house the girl even walk to the mother and say amma look at this picture that this boy has created this is not mema to have this confidence on the mother and to talk to the mother about this. The mother should give that space.
>> If you are keeping yourself away from these conversations and thinking the world is no no that's not how it's supposed to be. You give that space to your child and please don't think these may not happen to my children. I am not scaring you but in my experience I'm seeing even to the most normal families these things are happening. But as a parent like you just limit the time, screen time like you know I know that people say that you cannot use the phone after 9:00 p.m.
>> Yes. Yes. Especially when children start sleeping alone >> in a room. Please make it a rule that they sleep without devices.
>> They cannot go to bed with a device.
>> What age? 16.
>> Any age. See some children start sleeping at 11.
>> Correct.
>> They start sleeping in a separate room at 11.
>> Let them sleep alone not with a device.
M >> some children say mama I'm scared can I keep a phone with me ma no ma you'll be scared only it's okay don't have a phone sleeping with a laptop sleeping with a no it's not okay see >> night late internet has everything their mind is so curious >> you cannot avoid few things >> it's like you've creating one environment for them to do anything they want that is why I said certain things please put your foot down and say no >> these things are no >> but certain other things because it's the culture in America or it's the >> culture in India or it's become the culture here you need to permit no you can't go back to your 90s and stick to that and say this is how I was brought up you also have to be like this >> so where we say no only if we prioritize that our no will have a value otherwise there is No value for our no >> our no. Yeah. Yeah. Always selling. No.
No. Walking down with pajamas. No. You understand? Everything. No. Now. Then we'll only lose our respect.
>> So pick and choose the battle is what you're saying.
>> Exactly. Choose the battle.
>> Yes.
>> Coming moving to cyber bullying. Right.
So vable cyber bullying.
>> Yeah.
>> You know like uh any case experience you have seen for cyber bullying.
>> Cyber bullying that led to a crime. I'll tell you. M >> there was one girl um again single parent the father was living somewhere but on and off she went and met the father so basically she's you know craving for that male affection many young girls have this problem sometimes we think girls need the mother boys need the father >> girls need the father also because By living with a father, by spending time with her father, she sets a benchmark and how she judges the other men and the boys in her life.
>> Yeah. Otherwise, she just goes and falls for everything.
>> Wrong relationships, you know, all of this happens.
>> So, what happens? This girl met a boy on the internet. She fell in love with him.
>> He was constantly bullying her.
Initially, that only happened. And she was going and telling him, I am I'm a decent girl. Please don't do this. And all of that. And he said, I think you have to reduce your weight. You look a little plump. If you reduce your weight, you look so much more beautiful. So she went through some crash diets and she lost weight and she become aneimic and all of that happened. But she looked the way she want he wants and she's only trying to impress him. And one day this boy is also impressed. And then constantly talking for a long time, they fall in love. And this boy talks to the mother also. She introduces to the mother. This girl is about 17 years. And then this boy introduces his mother and his sister to this mother and this sister. And the mother hid the whole thing from the father who's living somewhere else.
>> Because Disney parenting. No. Right.
>> She wants to be the good guy. No. In the parent. Yeah. So she's not told. And one day this guy says he is 21 years old.
She is 17 years old. Uh he says I'm trying to set up a gym. I'm waiting for my bank loan. My bank loan will come in two months. And now I have found a place for rent. I have to pay 15 lakhs. If I don't pay the 15 lakhs advance, this place will go.
>> We have to start a life. I want to do well in life. I don't know what to do for this money.
>> Then this girl said, "Shall we ask my mother for the jewelry? She'll give."
Then he says, "What will they think about me? So you bring the jewelry and you give it to me, ma. in two months and let your mother not know in two months time I'll get my bank loan you go and give this uh you know jewelry back to your mother and this girl accepts and in the night she opens the grill of the window in her house she keeps it down she jumps out she goes and she waits in the tea stall early morning he says it's taking some time for me to come I don't want you to wait you'll get caught you leave the jewelry there I will come and take it later so He comes and he takes the jewelry and goes and she returns.
This mother morning she's got panic upset. She informed the police. She informed the suddenly husband Melor pass and then husband also comes. Husband files a case and everything. The police figures it out that it's this girl who's done something >> and then when they talk to her they she says no this person on the internet I met so and so and so but after I gave the jewelry that account is not there that WhatsApp number is also blocked I don't know what to do looks like he's a fraud and she starts crying and then police started investigating later they found out this guy is sitting somewhere in Uttar Pradesh >> oh my god And that female voice is not even mother or sister. That's an app that can change his voice to a female voice.
>> He is a robber thief. His work is to target girls and cheat them and take money. But this girl gave all her emotions to this boy, fell in love mentally. She's married to him, having children, living a life with him. Money is gone is a different story doctor. But you imagine this girl's >> fear >> right >> life trauma.
>> So that's why we say don't trust everything on the internet. It's not okay.
>> Then there are other cases where constantly girls and boys are you know told you don't look you know good enough.
>> And sometimes outside people don't have to bully them. They will themselves bully them. how they will post a birthday picture and they will wait to see how many likes they're getting. If they don't get more than 100 likes, they think, "No, I'm not good enough this birthday. My dress is not nice. I'm not happy." This constant feeling of >> insecurity, >> insecurity, not sufficient, I am not looking nice. I am not looking happy has increased massively.
>> See, and then obviously there are a lot of uh you know brainless people on the internet. I feel power for them for me they are also patients only to go and throw hate comments only >> their whole their work itself is that only they will go to everybody's page and they will scold with all the bad words fulltime and you know imagine the mental problem they will have constantly going to everybody's page and scolding in bad words how will you live a normal life I I know one man he came and met me in one school function and he said, "Madam, can I take a picture with you?"
And he said, "Madam, stupid girl."
Who would say things like that? And he's telling he's my fan.
You see, your brain is not normal.
>> What you think, you're not speaking.
You think you're you're just commenting and nobody's knowing what you're doing in life. It's not normal.
M >> with if you every time you don't have to give an opinion on everything. No >> correct.
>> I should say my mother is on Facebook.
Whenever she goes on Facebook all the feed she thinks it's her duty to comment.
She'll say I didn't have the time to comment her age her understanding is that okay but there are other very young boys who think it's their duty to go and comment on every political issue >> it's not okay not normal you take care of your life first >> you're getting diverted to so many unnecessary things you're bullying people what if a girl takes your comment very seriously and does something to her life is gone no M >> the president of India post down so many people are going and commenting body shaming her. What is wrong with the what what is happening to your civic sense?
How can you behave like this? Keeping the city clean is alone not civic sense.
Keep your social media clean.
>> Don't go and throw trash in everybody's profile.
>> Keep it to yourself if you want. Scold yourself. Don't go and scold everybody.
It's it's hurting the teenagers. M >> mature adults know how to handle this.
Even mature adults I don't know >> difficult >> difficult >> no some ladies are not able to handle this I think over and over again but somewhere doctor I should say even now somewhere when somebody pokes you like that it hurts >> it hurts yeah >> it definitely hurts no but but what to do we we cannot do much about it >> so so I'll tell you my personal example right so we started somewhere but we're ending up here where you know like I always say that you know like don't eat this food don't eat that food like you know I'm the puchandi of uh >> of junk foods right so the reason that I do like that is that I if I go at 100% >> somewhere somebody will at least do 10%.
Exactly.
>> Okay. And then somebody they open up the biryani if my face is on the biryani >> I won.
>> Okay. But the one school of thought is that okay this is fear mongering. Okay.
Complete fear-mongering. This guy is building reputation based on fearongering. M >> initially I was just discarding it. And I said, you know, I know what I'm doing.
>> Okay, I know what I'm doing.
>> And many people have come to me and then said that, hey, know because of you, >> at least I know that I know that, you know, junk food is bad.
>> But at least the frequency of it. I have lost weight because of you.
>> Somewhere they're conscious.
>> Somewhere they're conscious, right? So I was very happy and I completely ignored all the negative comments and I was just doing what I think should be done. Okay.
So when similar to how somebody is coming and telling me that you know I got better because of you that gives a >> dopamine rush to me >> negative comments started to slowly >> uh cloud me right >> then I was like why am I doing this >> uh what is the point am I people think they earn a lot of money through this which absolutely not and satimas >> I could earn a lot of money through my profession I have a very good profession if I the amount of plan that I put here.
If I put it in my gastroantology, I would have retired by now.
>> But the point I'm trying to make is that even being a I'm 42 years old now.
>> I am very successful, right? I have a family. I have financially secured. I have I'm you know fame came uh by accident.
>> And I have made some difference in some patients lives.
>> Yes. despite being this >> if I'm getting uh influenced by this >> that is the scary thing >> see >> at your age as you said >> it's hurting you >> yes >> teenage cannot handle it >> it hurts them very badly >> you know it hurts their self image their body image it hurts they think they are very ugly if one person says what is this pimple on your face that much is sufficient for them to say I'm not going to the birthday party at all because of this pimple on the face. The this is how much it's affecting them. That's why we say so many countries have not given social media to children below 16 years now.
New Zealand and >> Australia >> Australia. Yeah. 16 years below. They don't need they cannot handle being judged on a reality uh on a I mean on a talk show in TV recently when I was asking children about hey you guys go to the ground and play in the apartment do you go down and play there was this 16 year old girl who was laughing and laughing and laughing she said doctor what are you telling who plays at 16 years why ma I played till when I was 21 years old I play hide-and-seek in my apartment in my mother's Why you don't want to play? No, no, we don't play at 16. I said okay games like like basketball, like shut bitten. Would you like to play that? No, I don't like to play because everybody's judging me.
>> They don't want to be judged.
Consciously they feel everybody's looking at them. That is a typical teenage behavior that is there for generations. But now when that is put on social media and everybody has an opinion about them on their face, they're just not able to handle it. If your children are on social media, they are posting pictures and you know it.
Please ensure the comment section is disabled.
>> The number of likes is disabled. Let it not affect them. See, because you're giving them permission to be on social media, it's okay. But number of com number of likes and what is on the comment box is not required. They don't need comments at all. It's okay if the mother and the father says you look nice, you don't look nice or the friends say that much is enough. Random people commenting they should not get used to it and constantly they're trying to improve themselves there.
>> See very frankly doctor >> on social media today what is gaining more likes and comments? You tell me.
>> Negativity.
>> Negativity. excessive sexual material.
You understand? So a girl when she puts a normal photo, she's not getting likes.
And then when she's slightly exposing herself, she's getting more likes. What is the learning? The learning is that this is only looking nice. This only everybody likes. This is how I have to be on social media. You don't wait for others to abuse you. That's what I'm telling. You are only exposing yourself so much more just for these likes and shares and comments. You see all of these when we were in the commission in Tamil Nadu so many women were arrested for excessively sexual content on the internet from small towns villages in Tamil Nadu they were creating unnecessary content we we targeted them and so many were women yeah women cases were filed and they were arrested >> then when I sat gently I'm a psychologist now I'll go sit and talk why you did this what happened in your life so when I talked to them they started with cooking videos only then They say like say ma'am say one day I was a little revealing and I got so much likes and then slowly I started doing this. This is what >> they said.
>> Oh my god.
>> You understand? So what people uh you know think about themsel on social media is really really affecting adults also is getting affected.
>> There is one lady who came to me crying and crying and crying. doctor. She said, "My husband is not good at all, madam.
He's not earning enough at all, madam."
She said, I said, "Why? What do you want?" She said, "In that uh what video log?" A vlog.
>> Vlog.
>> Uh in that vlog, that celebrity had two door fridge. I'm asking this man on twodoor fridge for the past one year.
He's not getting me. I don't want to live with him. So their standard of life also their thinking has to be like celebrities only.
>> Somewhere doctor see like influencers like you. You all are telling good things over and over again. But others are also making content about their lifestyle and everything which is actually affecting a lot of other women.
>> They feel they are not doing well in life. Their husband is a waste, >> not good. like this they are thinking and see I don't know if I am creating content like that also I don't know see I dress up like this and all >> okay what if somebody says so unconsciously I am also doing that only no so this is whether we like it or not all over on the internet >> so if we look at that over and over again it'll affect us so restricting time >> even for adults >> yeah yeah even for adults more for children >> more for children >> yeah Because adults they sort of able to you know they're able to manage but there are if there are adults that spend 6 to 8 hours on the phone watching reals watching these blogs they are heavily affected >> because their life is not sufficient for them >> they feel they're not good enough >> something else externally >> to get that kick >> yeah something more >> something more >> something more see so many places when I go there are there are women who come and say can you please take a picture with us and can you post it >> ah Ah >> see I I won't say they're wrong also. No but that is the sort of reward mechanism that their brain has worked with.
>> See beyond one point doctor we understand that 2,000 likes is also >> the same. 500 likes is also the same. It doesn't matter. Yeah. But for for others who've not come to this level it is a big task. It's a big thing for them. And as you very rightly said, people think, "Oh my god, Dr. Pal is making millions in YouTube." Okay.
>> And this is easy money. He left his doctor job to do this now. How much money he's making. Correct. So I will also make this money. When I used to go and talk in, you know, when I talk used to go and talk in schools sometime back, I used to say how many of you want to become doctors? Some will raise hand.
Engineers, teachers. Now Adla, nobody's raising hands. What you want to be YouTuber? YouTube >> because that only is the money full celebrity.
>> I I gave a talk I said uh one guy little guy he woke up he he stood up and he said that I want to be like you. I said I'm a YouTuber.
Yeah.
Why doctor see? So what is impressing the youngsters today, children today?
Fame.
>> Fame.
See, I will No. I was walking down the escalator. A guy, little guy came up the escalator. Okay. And then he ran down >> and then he took a picture with me. He was only 13.
>> Okay. And then he post that picture right in front of me >> and he's tagging me on Instagram.
>> He's not even supposed to be on Instagram. He's only 13. Only 14 is allowed age.
>> And he is asking me, >> Risher, >> your name is Dr. Pal, Dr. D Pal. It is not coming up.
>> Did you ever block him doctor because he was stalking you or something?
See >> why? No, no, no. You are very popular among my kids, my my friends.
>> My friends, >> you will not believe my uh nephew >> uh I mean uh in Australia.
>> He want calls me out of nowhere.
>> Okay, I'm distant nephew not in front of you out of nowhere. And then he said that u mama I want to talk to you. He comes on Zoom call >> and then I said hey you know D I mean I I've not seen you for a long time. I'm so sorry and nice and he took a screenshot of that zoom call >> shares it among his WhatsApp friends and everything >> and his parents are calling me and then telling me that he made a big deal out of this picture. M see I'll be very happy if the same thing applies to the learning from >> learning ah >> from the internet also see so if when so many children are looking up to celebrities they also have to be very conscious about what they creating as content >> because so many children believe them correct >> whatever they say >> so you and I we are getting scolded for telling the right thing over and over and over and over again even if we're getting scolded we're going to continue do the same thing only.
>> Yeah. But there are others who present unwanted content just because they want to be you know there and they want to be a celebrity not even conscious of how it's affecting the next generation there >> but but the next generation is uh is going towards the act of fame on the media.
>> Yeah.
>> And missing out the actual content. So my my my so my conclusion here is so you cannot stop the internet it's going to grow exponentially the content on the internet how exciting and engaging it's going to be that's going to grow exponentially >> will we ask the government to come and do something all the time >> not possible >> we tried to block one game there is another game the next week itself so every time telling what is this government is not banning anything that's also not possible so I Discipline and hygiene on social media starts from home.
>> You look at your child. You look at what your child is watching. How much time your child is spending on the internet.
That is also parenting, isn't it?
>> So there are parents who say I don't I am not on Instagram. I don't even know what he does on Instagram. No, >> that is also broad.
>> Yeah. Please understand. Sit and talk to your child. No. To find out, hey, who is this D? What is this D? How do you do this?
>> It's okay to understand. No, it's absolutely fine. There's something called this uh Snapchat streak.
>> Yes.
>> Yeah.
>> I know Snapchat. I don't streak.
>> Uh streak is continuously sending photos.
>> They keep contin They will send the other person also will send. They keep continuously sending photos. It's called streak. So many children do that. This was made for them to overshare.
When you have only five photos that you can share when you when you actually do streak you tend to share 15 20 photos no >> so much of data everybody's getting >> all these are traps children don't understand unnecessary videos unnecessary um you know >> but as a psychologist do you will you will you be encouraging the parent to get the username and password >> no just find out what this child is doing Uh-huh. So you you should be but they will not accept you as a friend.
You know what I'm saying?
>> See that's what I said. That's what I initially said.
>> No no friend online.
>> Ah no no they will not like >> who cares.
No no no you are not their friend. They will not accept your friend request.
>> Friend. Exactly.
>> No see they don't want you to know their world because you are constantly judging them according to them. M >> see there are these girls who generally you know use colloial swear words when they talk to their friends >> you know on the messages if the mother looks at that message no she's overreacting >> overreacting ma this word has this meaning which means you're scolding her mother ma this girl is not even scolding her mother this is just a filler she's using to speak that's why I said when you overreact you're not there in their world understand your child's world don't react too much react only whenever it's required and when these you you know sometimes no when you overreact no when you really have a situation and you react no there's no value for it >> in dama always she'll react like this only for this also she'll react like this is what the child will think so when your child is on the internet please understand what your child is doing >> so maybe with a different ID or something just >> you sit and ask your child only know why you I am not asking telling you to spy.
>> Uh it's not spying.
>> No, sit and ask your child only. Hey, come here. Let's see your friends, sir.
On Instagram, I won't judge. I'm only seeing your friends.
>> Okay.
>> See, generally, won't you say I'm coming to your school to meet your friends?
>> Social media is also like that, doctor.
>> And if you're really friendly, then they will introduce no this is this, this is this, this is this.
>> If you say who's this, this boy is in TI. You are sitting in Toronto. Why?
from Toronto to Tiri are getting connected you tell me ma she wants to get connected because social media is there if something is going wrong in that then you inter you know interview otherwise you don't that's why I said every time you don't say >> so there are parents who are you know excessively >> so then parents need to be educated first then >> only then this can be controlled >> they also don't know what to do doctor I feel sorry for those see the parents these days know They're sort of stuck between these generations, >> you know. They don't know how to express what they feel to their children. They don't have enough words, decent words.
Sometimes they lose sit and they speak blurt out some nonsense and they sit and feel guilty.
>> Yes. For the next whole week.
>> For next whole week they don't know how to sort out with their child and the child is also upset and then they will say now I don't know if I have to go back because now the child will not listen to me anymore also. No, we also learn should learn to express ourselves properly. If you're asking for the >> see example I'm telling I want to see who are the friends. No, there's a nice way to do it. No, >> hey today I will show you my friends you also show me your friends. No or from the time they have an account if you're used to seeing their friends or understanding their post all it's not a big thing. Now one day if the mother says okay today I'm going to see your phone.
You see the tone automatically the the child will go to one one protection mode eating vegetables also I wanted to say that even even if the time is beyond 3 hours I don't mind okay eating vegetables also doctor sometimes if the mother says this is very very important and very very healthy please eat it the child will not eat >> chuma keep it the child will eat sometimes you don't overdo what was given to you don't transfer to the next generation. It's traumatic.
>> But from a parent standpoint, don't you then they will never eat any vegetable at all.
>> How do you say?
>> Huh? You see, right? You know, you they'll ask, "Oh, what do you want?" I don't want broccoli. I don't want cabbage. I don't I only want potato. I only want >> When did they start >> engaged? No.
>> Ah, that time when the child was eating only potato, you kept quiet.
>> Uhhuh. And then after 2 years suddenly oneam came and you want the child to eat all the vegetables. See this is a habit.
No doctor suddenly you want everything to change from the young age. You introduce it in small portions. Make it a part of the diet. Make it a routine.
If you have you see if you're a meat eating person rice and vegetable and meat this is how we eat.
>> See if this is a habit then it's not a problem. And one more thing these parents know they will go to family getto togethers and will say oh he will not eat vegetables at all I don't know what to do and this child sort of thinks oh I should not eat vegetables they generally that is their understanding even if they really want to try that fried uh what lady's finger there because his mother has told no vegetable he will not eat vegetable at all he will not eat so please please tell the other way around you know you're going to lie. Okay, you say now he suddenly I don't know what happened.
He's starting to eat vegetables. You you he you are going to lie only but it will change the child's mind. Trust me. I don't know suddenly he's eating one piece of broccoli. This child knows you're lying. Okay. But the child will one day change. Trust me. Constantly.
And sometimes no angry children also. He doesn't have friends. He never goes down to play. He'll always beat everybody.
So, I'm keeping him with me. Please don't say these things in front of your child.
>> Please tell only good things.
>> They will change one day. Say, "No, no, he's so friendly these days. He's helping a child." We call it the Ben Franklin effect in psychology. Children who bully, no, sometimes we ask those children to help the other child. when they help and they get appreciation, they stop bullying.
>> Yeah.
>> The person who's bullying.
>> Yeah. The person who's bullying. So sometimes when your child is not doing something and you constantly say you he's doing it very well, I'm very happy.
One day he will do it.
>> Just wait for that day. But if you keep doing it the other way around, he's never going to eat vegetables.
>> It's going to be that you are branding him. Uh you're not giving him a chance.
>> You're not giving me a chance at all.
>> You branded him. He thinks yeah this is my brand. See if I constantly keep telling Dr. Pal dresses up very well.
Very well. Very well. You are into that pressure of wanting to dress up well.
No. Yeah. Same thing applies to children also. Constantly you keep telling and the others also telling oh wow he's suddenly trying to eat vegetables also.
>> So that's that's a truth for other other side as well. Right. You know you constantly say you know you are confident >> you are doing well to build up the confidence. Yes, it does. It works. Keep expecting. Keep building confidence.
Don't appreciate unnecessarily.
>> Ah, >> everyday things don't appreciate.
>> See, >> but I think they're overdoing it in the US.
>> No, should not do doctor. There is no see they will they will grow up to be people who will want bribe to work.
>> These are everyday things. I know parents who are giving stars for brushing the teeth every day. Why are you giving a star for that? They shouldn't they brush the will you give a star for using the washroom the child has to go no brushing your teeth is like that no changing your dress is like that no everyday routine they have to do naturally if they don't do please ensure it's a ground rule you push them to do it otherwise if you think one day I'm going on giving stars this child will expect the same appreciation forever in life will go to work and will expect appreciation from the boss every day.
>> Ah >> who does it >> once in a year also we don't get >> reality reality >> real yeah reality is you don't get appreciation really upon everyday things you want your child to be appreciated for you're you are appreciating you're not doing the right thing >> that's not okay >> so when a child comes and say somebody's bullying me >> so somebody is hitting me >> when my son Arjun came he said you know no I cried today >> I said you know then I said I should I'll ask okay what you why why you crying he said I was very sad.
>> Why were you sad? Because somebody hit me >> and then did you go and tell your teacher >> and teacher was not there or something like that. He tried to avoid that completion of the loop.
>> And I have seen other people I think in the US was that if you hit you hit back.
>> I've seen people say that.
>> See bullying cannot be ignored.
>> And when a child comes and says I was bullied, they're beating me unnecessarily. It is not okay to tell the child normal it's okay go there are still few friends >> no please don't do that >> the child is going through some difficulty >> I I I never normalize bullying it's not normal at all it will actually reduce the self-confidence of the child very badly >> the child will not want to study will not want to go to school will not want to make friends will not want to do anything in life all that we need to teach is number one reduce bullying by doing some programs in school because >> the child that is being bullied is affected. The child that is bullying is also affected.
>> His personality is becoming very bad. He will grow up to be a not so nice person.
>> See that's affecting two children >> in the process. The one that is bullying, the one that is being bullied.
Both. No. So as a psychologist I have to help both. One thing I will do is try to make the child who is bullying understand that it's not okay to bully that who should do the counselor in school should do because where is this crime happening? Think like a commission member at school.
>> So parents are not the ones who handle this first. It's the school. School must handle this. school must you know step up to say how are they going to talk to this child who bullied and then this child who's constantly being bullied we need to teach how to speak to the bully first >> to firmly say that I'm not okay with this I'm not crying but I am not okay with this I don't like this >> I like you are my good friend but I don't know why you're doing this see things like this will make the other child think >> this child constantly when he's speaking not reacting see generally doctor a child's tears is the other child's >> victory >> fuel yeah to bully more >> if he's crying I have won I don't have power at home somebody before has bullied me so I'm bullying this child this is the this is a bully's mindset yeah but this child that was bullied is feeling so bad but he has to express his feelings and emotions with words and he has to tell that other boy, I'm your friend. I am in this school. We all are friends. We like each other. But don't do this. I don't like this. Please.
>> You should speak up.
>> Speak up.
>> Speak up.
>> Not scream.
>> Yeah. Directly.
>> Directly.
>> I don't like this. Please don't do this.
It hurts. It's paining. You know I tell my kids to do that when the younger one hits the older one >> and he keeps doing it the second time when he does it if you don't like it Arjun will say I don't like this >> yes >> and if he hits again he will come and tell me that is the >> yes >> workflow that we created >> one child beating for bullying and another child beating back is not going to solve the problem it's only going to create more chaos >> you won't believe doctor the other children that is watching this entire act of bullying they are also affected really >> they are also affected they don't know what to do about this they think I could be next they want to fall into this zone or that zone >> where am I belonging here or there so constantly this is happening in their brain so this child I I've tried this recently with a child who's constantly bullied in school we do like a role play >> I am the bully >> I am coming to bully the child >> so he says I like you. You're a good boy. You're a good friend. But this is paining. Don't do it over and over again. He will do two, three times. But constantly when this boy speaks out, >> it makes a difference.
>> Going and calling for help and you know crying. Yeah, it's okay. But constantly when they do this, no, this bully wants to prove himself more.
>> Do more.
>> Do more. also what what only can you do?
You can give some advice. He becomes more powerful. He says now you told your father he is also not able to do anything. No see how powerful I am.
>> Now I will do more.
>> Sometimes it doesn't work like that. See this communication has to be taught in school. I feel it is the uh the responsibility of the school to do this.
>> It's a part of learning. School is not just about academics doctor. It's a smaller version of the society that the child is going to live in. They learn to go on time, punctuality, doing your homework, talking to friends, admiring the teacher, sharing food. All of this together is school life, isn't it? There are so many parents who ask me, is homeschooling okay? I'm not for homeschooling at all. It is okay, you know, for whom? For maybe Gesh, who's very good in chess, >> one single thing he's extremely good at, cannot have time for anything else, then it's fine. M >> you have no choice. But for the other children, the majority of the other, you know, the crowd definitely they need school to learn all of this. When they go out of the school, there are going to be bullies.
>> There are going to be people who are not going to treat you nicely. Correct?
>> You learn how to speak to them.
>> We I look at it as an opportunity like that. Okay. Now that you face this, you learn how to speak.
>> So the next time this happens in your life, you will know how to handle it.
>> That's exactly the learning. So we trained the child to speak comfortably with a little compassion because generally these bullies are children who lack affection somewhere. They want attention.
>> They lack love.
>> The person who is bullying >> and many a times as I told you we try the Ben Franklin effect.
>> If the teacher makes the bully help the other child automatically this whole thing gets sorted out. When you help somebody, you start liking them.
>> You have an enemy. Doctor, imagine.
Okay. For some reason, someday that enemy is having a big gut problem. He's coming to you. One basha feeling you're getting. Okay.
You're coming to me and you're helping.
Yeah. From that day, you will not hate him >> because you've helped back.
>> That is the power of help. So that can be used in schools as well.
>> Is that a curriculum that people are trying to do in schools?
>> No. Here they don't do anything.
>> Maybe in the US but here there is absolutely no awareness. Doctor I must say see over and over again we've tried explaining to people about the importance of mental health >> to the government.
>> No not in the US as well.
>> Not in the US as well. US is mainly focused on gender issues >> you know like sexual discrimination equality >> that they do not on this thing.
>> So as a parent how would I have what should I do to my kid?
>> How do I know whether they're getting bullied?
>> What will you say?
>> See when a child is bullied first thing the child will come back with you know fights in school there is a fight this fight that fight this fight. They will constantly complain about small other things and finding faults with the school or the teacher or the homework.
They will say all other reasons for not going to school >> because you've disapproved this uh emotion. No.
>> So they will say there is no water in the toilet in the school. I don't want to go to school.
>> So they will find reasons for not going to school. So generally when there is a school refusal case, we ask the child is somebody treating you badly in school ma is something happening. We don't sum jump into conclusions to say hey you are being lazy you are watching the screen at home so you should shut up and go to school. No, bullying is a very serious thing, doctor. We've lost so many children to bullying. Children who, you know, >> lives.
>> Yeah.
>> Lives.
>> Yeah. So many lives.
>> Suicide.
>> Suicides. Jumped off buildings.
>> Age group. And >> nine, eight, >> nine year old.
>> Yes.
>> To bullying. To bullying.
A sevenyear-old was badly beaten up by their friends in India and he died.
beaten up to death. So because these children know for them beating to death and all is there in their video game.
No, it's a normal thing. They don't see the difference. That's what I said.
>> For them it's heroic thing.
>> So this has to be addressed in schools.
It's not addressed enough in even the best schools in India, I should say. I don't think they're doing much about gender sensitization or bullying or anything. They have a counselor who will who is available just to listen to a child. At least we've come to that >> correct >> point now.
>> But mental health is so important.
Whether a whether a school has maths teacher or science teacher, I don't care. But a school must have a good counselor.
>> That's very very important because child needs to go and speak somewhere, somebody to give them the correct advice. See many of times because this bullying is happening in school handling it from home is not effective >> because they they think why are you interfering you don't understand what happens there that then the parents end up fighting >> what is the school doing >> school has to handle this no it's it's their duty and responsibility >> we do in US we do tell the schools though >> we do update the schools but they don't >> they don't do only update >> only update no actually >> the schools must do something about this. It's very very important. Updating their curriculum, I don't know if that is important or not, but this is important. Taking care of the mental health of their children is so very important. They cannot ignore that.
>> Wow. Wonderful discussions.
Wonderful. Super. Thank you so much.
You've been wonderful. I'm going to bring you back again on the podcast.
>> Thank you so much for your time. Thank you.
>> Thank you. Thank you so much Dr. Pal. I' I've always been a huge fan of you. I have cousins in Australia that I'm on a podcast with you, but I have huge fans in my family also. You're doing a wonderful job. Thank you.
>> So, no matter what anybody has to say.
I'm sure not many people have bad things to say about you. Many people say good things about you. Please keep doing what you are doing because we need people like you to save people's gut.
>> Thank you. Thank you.
>> Thank you. Thank you.
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