Why Sobriety Feels Like a Struggle (And How to End It)

Added: 2026-05-14

[00:00:00]I hear this all the time. Somebody will say something like I'm struggling to stay sober. I'm struggling with my sobriety.

[00:00:08]I'm struggling to keep the alcohol out of my mouth. And every time I hear it, I just think the same thing. You're not struggling to stay sober, mate.

[00:00:17]You're choosing alcohol. And I know that sounds harsh, but stay with me.

[00:00:23]Think about what struggling actually means.

[00:00:27]Right? What that term mean? It means something different to everyone, right?

[00:00:31]How somebody is struggling depends on their context, it depends on their age, how long they've been drinking.

[00:00:37]But above all else, it depends on their mental attitude.

[00:00:45]You know, when you're when you say I'm struggling, what does it actually say? What are you actually saying to yourself?

[00:00:51]I want to drink and I'm trying not to.

[00:00:53]That's not a struggle. That's a a tug-of-war between two opposite desires, two opposite choices. And right now, the alcohol is winning because it's got the habit behind it, it's got the rituals and the programming behind it.

[00:01:11]Not because it's any stronger than you are, but because it still makes you or guides you into believing um that it gives you something, that it gives you a benefit, right? Whatever that might be for you. Whatever that benefit might be for you.

[00:01:29]This is >> [sighs] >> I'm not sure where I'm going on this track, but we'll keep following it anyway.

[00:01:34]This is like the the journey of alcohol.

[00:01:36]Sometimes you just don't know where you're going.

[00:01:39]And sometimes the best way of approaching it is just to keep going anyway. Just keep pushing forward.

[00:01:46]But when you have that belief that alcohol still relaxes you or helps you relax, you still think it makes your evenings better or your weekends better, you still think that life is somehow going to be much harder without it. As long as you believe those things, then you're always going to be in a struggle. You're always going to be struggling and because you're struggling with yourself.

[00:02:11]Right? Because you're fighting against something you secretly still want. You know, and this is something you'll hear me repeating over and over again.

[00:02:21]The language you use really matters, right? The words you use shape the way that you think. And how you think shapes what you do. You know, when I'm saying when you're saying to yourself I'm struggling with getting sober, you're you're making sobriety, you're making >> [sighs] >> you're making it a problem to to live without alcohol. And it's not the problem. Sobriety isn't the problem or I hate the word sobriety, but living without alcohol is not the problem. Getting this [ __ ] out of your body and out of your life, that's the solution to many of your problems. You know, the problem is that you're still choosing alcohol in your head even though you're not drinking it, even though you're you've decided to stop. And I've seen this with people 6 7 months into alcohol, they still believe that at some level that alcohol gives them something. It still has benefits.

[00:03:13]They haven't extricated that away from themselves. I see a lot of people who go to AA with this idea because AA puts it into your head that alcohol is not a problem in and of itself, right? That there are normal drinkers.

[00:03:28]But that's like saying there's normal smokers or there's normal coke snorters or there's normal heroin injectors, right?

[00:03:38]It's exactly the same thing.

[00:03:40]This is a toxin that you're putting into your body and as long as you think that there are that there is a normal way of doing this, you're always going to have a problem.

[00:03:49]You give it the power. You give the alcohol the power. You give the the habit the power. You're still putting it up here on this massive pedestal in your head. You know, you're still treating it like something that you're being denied.

[00:04:06]Right? That if there was only something that wasn't wrong with you, if there was only something that wasn't wrong with your drinking, then you would be able to moderate it just like everyone else.

[00:04:16]You're not being denied anything. You're still treating it like it's something that you're missing out on, but you're not missing out on anything. Guess what? By putting this crap into your body, you're missing out on a whole lot more in your life than you will ever by putting this [ __ ] into your body, right? Stopping putting alcohol into your body is not only stopping poisoning your body, you're removing a toxin from your life.

[00:04:40]Let me say that again. You are removing a toxin from your life. And by removing this one toxin, think about how many other toxins that you're removing. Toxic foods, toxic people, toxic environments that you're getting out of your out of your life just because you remove this one thing. That's not a sacrifice.

[00:04:59]That's common sense.

[00:05:01]It's common sense.

[00:05:03]So, let me give you an honest tip here, right? And here's what I'd here's what I'd say rather than I'm struggling or I can't stop or I don't know I don't know how to stop or you know, I don't know how to get over this, how difficult it is for me to stop. Say to yourself, I keep choosing alcohol over the life that I really want.

[00:05:27]I keep choosing alcohol over the life that I really want.

[00:05:30]Sounds different, right? It sounds I mean, it's a confrontational one, but it's honest. I [ __ ] know this because I've been there. I've coached lots and lots and lots of people in all kinds of situations from all walks of life and all ages who've been there as well. As long as you refuse to admit that this is a choice, you're always going to be a slave to this. You're always going to be a slave to the to the alcohol or to the habit.

[00:05:55]You know, that alcohol is just a a liquid in a bottle. It can't do anything to you unless you put it into your mouth. End of story.

[00:06:03]What starts happening though when you start telling yourself the truth, that it's a choice, it's something that you're choosing to do, you suddenly start to see it as something that you can actually do something about. That not only can you do something about it, but you can get rid of it, leave it in your past and forget about it. That you can move on with your life into better and bigger things, onwards and upwards, right? Because you can't fix a struggle.

[00:06:30]Right? You can't fix a broken gene or a broken brain or a you can't cure a lifelong incurable disease if that's what you think you have.

[00:06:40]These are things that happen to you. But a choice, you know, the choice is always yours.

[00:06:46]Choice is always something that you can do something about, something that you can change anytime you want, right? So, if you want help changing that choice, I run a 30-day habit accelerator, that's what we call it. It's a uh 30 days where we get together, small group of people, four video calls a week, group calls, and you've got unlimited one-on-one access to me via WhatsApp. If you complete the 30 days sober, you get it for free. You get it back at the money back as store credit. There's a couple of different conditions to it that you have to uphold, but I want people to want to encourage people to at least get to that 30 days and see what it's like. Link's in the description if you're interested.

[00:07:24]Now, I'm a bit puffed out from that that climb.

[00:07:30]That's where we went earlier.

[00:07:32]To the top of that.

[00:07:33]It's nice though. But anyway, if the doors are closed, like I said, just put your name on the list and we'll get back to you. So, here's another truth about people who say that they're struggling.

[00:07:45]Um I think a lot of people struggle and they stay in that struggle because it's comfortable, right? If you're not struggling, it's not really your fault, is it?

[00:07:55]You're trying your best. The alcohol is just a little bit too strong. Right? The cravings are a bit too powerful. The situation is a bit too hard. You're a victim of the struggle then. And victims do not need to take any responsibility at all.

[00:08:12]And this is what I realized about myself, that I was playing the victim, but I was never a victim. And I think you know, it took me a while to realize that that I was never a victim, that I was a victim of myself. I'm a human being and I was always making a choice. Every drop of alcohol that I ever put into my body was a choice over and over and over and over and over again. Many, many times over 30 years.

[00:08:36]Can you believe that? 30 years.

[00:08:38]I didn't once question the act the actual intelligence of it. You know, how stupid was I being over those 30 years?

[00:08:48]You know, I can't turn around and say to somebody and go, "Hey, you've only been drinking 5 years." Right? 30 years.

[00:08:54]So, every time you choose not to drink, that's not a struggle. That's a win.

[00:09:00]And here's another way of looking at things.

[00:09:02]Every time you choose to drink, that's not a failure, that's information. So, every time you fail on something like this, don't look at it like it's a failure.

[00:09:10]Look at it like it's information. Uh it's telling you that you haven't changed the thinking in this situation yet.

[00:09:18]And here's the shift. The people who succeed, the ones who stop and stay stopped, they're the ones who stop seeing this as a struggle. They stop fighting. And not because they gave in, but because there's nothing to fight. Right?

[00:09:34]When you truly understand alcohol gives you nothing. Not relaxation, not confidence, not connection, nothing, then there is no struggle.

[00:09:43]Right? There's no tug-of-war.

[00:09:45]Right? There's just a decision. The decision is easy when you see the truth.

[00:09:51]The decision is so much easier when you see the truth. So, stop saying you're struggling.

[00:09:57]Start saying that this is a choice and I am choosing.

[00:10:01]Right? Because the moment that you own the choice, [music] you own the power to change it.

[00:10:07]Take care of yourself. Speak to you in the next one. Don't forget the links down below if you want to join us on the next accelerator.

[00:10:14]I'm going to put bye now.